| FORUMS |
Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:
Ask A Girl
Ask A Guy
Dating & Love Advice
District Of Columbia
Event Hosts forum
Health & Fitness
Plentyoffish Get Togethers
Poems And Quotes
Prince Edward Island
Recipes & Cooking
Sex and Dating
Technology and computers
Volunteer Moderators Only
Thread: Will I ever move on?
Will I ever move on?
Posted: 8/31/2008 6:50:14 AM
It's obvious in your posts that you love him, and you've even mentioned the word soulmate. I'd first like to mention that yes it is very disheartening to love someone and not have it returned. You might not want to hear that, but that is exactly what is going on. Even if he does love you in some way, he doesn't love you in the way you want and the way you deserve to be loved.
I think you should re-read 'Actualizing's' reply to your post, she wrote some truly profound words..."You deserve someone who can love you period. LWB would be more like it, lovers with benefits, the benefits being that love is given freely without conditions or expectations attached. "
He has attached conditions to your relationship, and now deciding to hide things from you, not being truthful. That's certainly not a sign that he may love you or love you more, it's something he is doing to put distance in between you two. He's doing this as he wants you available in the future when he decides he wants to see you, that's not love, it's selfishness on his part.
Please, for yourself, take some time to look back on what you have had with him, and don't look only with your heart, use your head. Often we say we are in love, and while we may be, it's often based solely on seeing only the good things that person has done for us or with us, and we overlook things that are hurtful. We are totally blind to the illusion of what they mean to us and what they may offer. Do you really want a man that may make you happy one day, and then sad for a week, a month, a year? I know it's hard to move on, and I know you'll need time, but you really haven't given it to yourself. Leave him be, take time for yourself, think about everything you would give to someone you love, then accept nothing less from a man. If you were thinking clearer, and could see your situation from a neutral viewpoint, you could see you shouldn't be tolerating the way you're being treated, whether it's him or any other man.
Take care, and I'm so sorry you are going through this.
How to move on
Posted: 7/6/2008 7:06:40 AM
I just went through a breakup with my ex this last March. I met my ex-girlfriend last year in April, and we were very close until a few weeks before we broke up. I won't go into what problems we had, however, I can tell you that remaining friends with him is impossible at this time. Let me just explain what my ex kept telling me, and see if it's similiar to what he is saying to you.
After my breakup, my ex would call and ask to talk, then if I did call she would say she needed time. Well she had an old friend move up here and in with her. I knew I wanted it to be over, however, she kept telling me she wanted to remain friends, and friends don't shut each other out. Right after we broke up, I was crushed, and I would go a week without seeing or talking to her, then she would call and I felt horrible again.
It got to a point where I just wanted to give up, and even walked out of a test one day. I'd hate to think what might have happened if a few friends hadn't got up and followed me out. They took me to a counselor, and finally I figured out that total separation is what I needed. Yes my ex kept calling and asking me to help her with schoolwork, or occasionally go for a drive or coffee, but I just held firm and said no. Honestly, I almost blew my whole semester over her, she yet she called asking me to help her with her projects. She got quite mad, but hey it's not my fault, we have to do whats best for ourself.
If this guy truly cared for you, he would leave you alone and give you time to heal. Perhaps you can be friends again later on, however you deserve the chance to heal. If you keep letting him talk to you, you will never heal, and you'll keep driving yourself crazy. You are worth so much more, so don't let him do this to you. It took me two months to finally figure it out, and yes it still hurts, but I'm better off now.
Good luck in your healing and God Bless You.
A minute of your time to review my profile.
Posted: 6/16/2008 1:56:11 PM
Thanks for your suggestions, and no I didn't think the comments were harsh at all.
I agree with you on needing a different shirt, and I should have changed after work . We have to wear loose clothing in case we move anything around, plus I've ruined some nice clothing out there, so I wear things like that shirt.
I had a friend that just showed up, had her camera since we were headed to the lake, and said let's just take a few shots and get them on the profile. The funny thing is I love photography and shooting video, so I know how to take nice pictures and how to set up shots, I just didn't think of asking to direct her when she was having fun taking the pics.
I did take out what you said about writing down the dreams and lyrics. I have a few friends that do dream analysis, and I started when I met them, and just kept doing it I guess. As for the lyrics, I do love music, and I love it when I hear a new song, that's all, however I can see where the reader might think I'm obsessive compulsive. I also added a little school info, so let me know what you think if you get the chance to read it again.
A minute of your time to review my profile.
Posted: 6/16/2008 1:43:12 PM
I did take that out, as that was originally what I thought should be done, however my friend thought it added flare. If you would read through it again, I did a few other revisions, so see if you still like it.
You have a wonderful day also and thanks!
A minute of your time to review my profile.
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:47:40 PM
It would be my pleasure if a few of you kind souls would read through my profile and offer some suggestions. I have a few ideas about what I'd like to remove or add, however, I think it's already a little long. Please everyone, let's play nice!
Staying friends with someone you have feelings for
Posted: 5/13/2008 5:32:37 AM
I believe many can relate to wanting someone as more than a friend, while your friend wants only that, a friendship and nothing more. I've found that while it always hurts knowing they don't long for you romantically, well quite frankly, you can hurt also knowing someone wants you romantically, and you know you want only the friendship.
I was once told that wanting someone and not being able to have them a certain way is worse than going through the death of a loved one, as they are still right here, and yet you can't have them, and we keep trying to rationalize why it's happening this way.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and ultimately, no one can force them self to want someone they don't want romantically. True friendships can be quite special, and I think it's ashame to throw away a true friend just because they can't give you what isn't in their heart. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I think ultimately, if you are in this situation, and they truly want to be friends with you, they will let you go and heal, with the hope somewhere down the road you can both be on the same page and be friends. I think what happens often, and this is what throws us off, is they do see us as friends, and they don't understand why friends can't still do everything you have been doing. It's sometimes like they place the blame on you for throwing the friendship away, when a true friend would say, "Please I know you are hurt, I think we need time apart, and I hope we can talk again in the future." I may not like hearing it when it does happen, but I have respect for her for telling me she doesn't feel the same way. It shows me she does care enough for me to say hey you will find the right one for you.
I agree with what a few others have said, how can you heal when seeing them often or everyday is like picking at a wound, it won't heal.
So.. Is NOT being able to have children a turn off?
Posted: 4/29/2008 8:11:25 AM
See, this is the biggest problem with the "want children" question. Like Dottie here, I have always listed open or undecided in my profile because I thought it best showed how I feel about children when meeting a woman.
To me it means two things. First I'm open both to having children if I met someone that wanted children or more children in the future, Second if I meet someone with children and I'm interested in dating them, that's a part of them I would love to get to know. If the attraction is there I want to learn more about her and her life, and I know that her children would only enhance the relationship. They would be treated just like they were my own. She doesn't have to have any more kids to please me, hers are already her and very precious.
I'm not the kind of man that requires my genes be passed on to future generations, it's more important that when people look back and remember me, it's because I was always responsible, fun, and honest with them. I know children would bring a lot of joy into my life and help me grow as a man in the future, and I would love to be there to watch them grow up up. Whether they are my kids or another mans is irrelevant, either way they would get the best of me if I had the chance to be a father. I think a lot of guys lose out on getting to know many wonderful women because they have some deep seeded need to have one of their own.
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 4/26/2008 10:07:49 PM
You know honestly I hope no single 40 year old man that's never been married and has no kids finds you! Look at all the things you already have them thinking before you even get the chance to know them. They must be selfish, they must not like kids, oh wait they probably expect me to have kids for them. They aren't relationship material, something must be wrong with them.
Seriously, do you know how to communicate with men? With anyone?
I'm 40 and single with no kids for many reasons. I've been in long term relationships, yet I have no kids and I'm proud that I'm not just another part time or no time father. I'm proud that those relationships ended with having some awesome friends. I'm proud that I'm taking the time to get to know myself, and let myself improve and grow both as a person and as a man. I believe this has made me a better man and when I do meet the right woman, she will benefit from me knowing who I am and what I can honestly offer her as a husband. She won't be getting someone that needs a woman to complete him, she'll get a man that compliments her as a person.
Also, about your fear of rejection because you couldn't give them something they want, that is all you. Again try communicating, it comes in handy a lot of the time. I agree that there are men my age that expect children, and I can only speak for myself here. If I put in my profile that I may want children, that simply means to me that I would have kids with the right woman, or that if the right woman for me has children already, they would be treated like they were my own.
I don't expect anyone to do something for me, I ask only that we take the time to get to know one another honestly, and discuss how we are feeling when we need to. I'd hate to think that everything I was saying to a potential partner was always doubted by her, or she was over analyzing everything. God why do people make things so hard, why can't we just enjoy the moments, let the number of special moments grow into something bigger, and trust that not everyone is out to get us in some way.
Show ALL Forums