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Thread: Texting, Driving, Dating

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Texting, Driving, Dating Posted: 11/22/2009 5:16:21 AM
You make it sound as if truck drivers are the only drivers on the highways who ever do anything wrong! So, according to you, the drivers in cars who use their cell phones or who drive while exhausted or who have road rage or who drive fast all the time NEVER put anyone else in danger? It will be a matter of time before that guy kills himself, a family with kids, or in the future even your kids. Not EVERY truck driver will have accidents and there is no guarantee that they will or will not. My father drove truck for more than 37 years and never had an accident. My brother drove for more than 10 years and had only one accident. My ex drove for 25 years and had one accident. My father had many driver friends who also went their entire careers without an accident. I've known many truck drivers in my life who never had accidents or who had accidents caused by people in cars. My ex's one accident happened when a woman in a car pulled right into the side of his truck. She "didn't see him". Didn't hurt him or the truck or her, but her car was a mess. She was begging him not to call the police because it was her 5th accident that year (and it was only April). There are accidents caused by truck drivers (and most accidents involving trucks are automatically blamed on truck drivers), but more trucking accidents are caused by idiots driving cars than by truck drivers doing something stupid. I spent enough time in trucks myself to have seen it up close and personal. For some reason, people in cars think that because trucks have air brakes, they can stop on a dime. They have no idea how wrong they are until they pull a stupid stunt and it's too late. A friend of mine was killed in an accident caused by a man in a car who was texting, drifted off the road, jerked his car back onto the road, and crossed the center line about 10 feet in front of my friend's truck. My friend tried to avoid hitting the car and ended up rolling his truck. The man in the car saw the accident and simply drove away. He was later located and arrested. Witnesses verified the sequence of events in that accident and he actually admitted to losing control while texting. There are good and bad drivers of any type of vehicle on the highways. Don't blame all accidents on truck drivers. Truck drivers are at least taught the potential dangers of the size and weight of their vehicles in various conditions. Most who drive cars have no idea of how easily they can lose control or how much damage their little car can cause. And I've found that they don't believe or simply don't care because they are sure they will never have an accident. They are, after all, good drivers!

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Would a person who suffered a brain injury be a turn off for you? Posted: 11/20/2009 6:14:10 PM
AELD itself would not be a problem for me to deal with. It is the other effects from TBI which I grew to hate. And there is never a TBI survivor with only one problem (such as AELD). Whether other problems are major or minor, or show evidence immediately or months or years down the road, there ARE other problems. I spent almost 20 years as a 24/7 caregiver to 2 TBI survivors in my immediate family. My ex survived 5 head injuries during our 23-year marriage. By the time of his most recent injury, he had become a diagnosed acute bipolar paranoid schizophrenic with abusive tendencies (among other problems including AELD). My middle daughter survived 4 head injuries during the last 7 years of her life. She also had minor difficulty with AELD and also with acquired learning disabilities (with minor emotional problems). Dealing with the AELD was a learned type of patience. I never considered it that way until a doctor told me that's what it was. I already had a knack for dealing with speech difficulties simply from having young children in the house and knowing how to speak 2-year-old. I spent 18 hours a day, 7 days a week, for more than 6 years after my ex's first TBI to help him recover to the point where he could return to work. He did make progress and did improve, but eventually he reached a plateau where the improvement stopped and we then worked simply to maintain his status and to prevent degeneration of cognitive function. The brain is an amazingly complex organ and possesses wonderful recuperative powers, but damaged areas do not regenerate when they heal. No one ever totally "gets over" a brain injury.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 74 (view)

UFOS and ET Posted: 11/19/2009 8:07:06 AM
I am an avid crafter, and in my world UFO means UnFinished Object. I see them all the time. I've got a bunch of them in my closet. As for the "real" UFOs? I happen to believe. Simply because I'm not arrogant enough to imagine that human beings on this planet are the only intelligent species anywhere. And if a civilization from another planet/solar system/galaxy has evolved enough to travel where they please without distance or condition limitations, then human beings (in all our self-proclaimed superiority) will simply be Neanderthals for others to study and play with. If you consider the relatively brief history of the human race on this planet, you'll find that we're not really as intelligent or as advanced as we keep telling ourselves we are.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 97 (view)

Do you ever think about how much time you have left? Posted: 11/17/2009 4:31:47 PM
imsophie1: Your message was simply and beautifully written. Thank you. In one sentence you have summed up what I've been trying to sort out for a long time. "At first all my tomorrows bothered me because I was afraid they wouldn't get here, but I was more afraid that someone else I loved would stop having tomorrows." A lot of healing those words. You're very welcome, ladyhuntress, and thank you for your kind words. I no longer worry about tomorrow. I can't stop it from coming, can't hurry it along, and can't make it appear if it's not meant to be for me. If I live each "today" to the best of my ability, I will have no regrets when my tomorrows stop appearing. If I awake in the morning and don't read my obituary, I'm off to a great start. I find things to laugh at every day. I go for a walk, breathe the fresh air, enjoy feeling the sun or rain or snow on my face. I've learned to marvel at the miracles all around me: sunrises, sunsets, clouds, nature, wildlife. I no longer take anyone or anything for granted. It's a dangerous way to live. I find myself watching my grandchildren very closely now. I marvel at their innocence and their need to know everything. I watch my 2 remaining daughters and am amazed at how far they've come and how much they're grown over the years. All of life is a miracle and I intend to observe as many of the details as I can.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

school first or relationship first? Posted: 11/17/2009 4:11:24 PM
I would recommend getting the best education you possibly can. Relationships will come and go during your lifetime, but your education is the one thing no one can take away from you. It will stand you in good stead for your future, no matter what happens in your relationships. I know from experience. I gave up my education (and basically any chance at a life of my own) to be a 24/7 caregiver to two loved ones who had survived multiple head injuries. I don't regret being that caregiver because it was a labor of love, but I now find myself trying to build a life (after more than half a century of living), and I regret not having attained my education years ago.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 41 (view)

Moon landing tapes? Posted: 11/13/2009 5:48:19 AM
when was the last time you put your feet up, grab a cold one, and just watch a sunset without all the audio/visual crap going on around you? No phone ringing...no tv going...no radio or disc player blasting away. Just you and the sunset..... I do this very thing quite frequently. Sometimes I sit by the fire long after the sun has set, counting stars twinkling like diamonds on black velvet. I watch the moon make her way across the heavens to finally release her hold on the night to the sun. I watch as the sun rises to awaken my little piece of the world to the glories of a new day.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 42 (view)

Best tv shows always cancelled Posted: 11/10/2009 5:26:01 PM
It's obvious I've been away from TV for far too long (almost 10 years). I don't recognize probably 98% of the titles mentioned so far. I've got about 600 movies in my DVD library and it's usually on just for the noise or for the grandkids.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 69 (view)

how long without sex is normal? Posted: 11/10/2009 8:00:42 AM
"Normal" is whatever feels right for you. It's been almost 8 years for me (and my ex has only been gone for 4 of those). I didn't do casual sex 30 years ago, and I'm not about to start now. Yes, I lack experience, but I also think that I'll enjoy gaining that lost experience when (and if) I find a man to share my life with. My problem seems to be finding a man who will appreciate my lack of experience and is willing to be a teacher.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Do you ever think about how much time you have left? Posted: 11/9/2009 2:53:52 PM
I found out the hard way that none of us is guaranteed a tomorrow. In 2006 my middle daughter went to sleep one night just one week after her 22nd birthday. She didn't wake up. Twelve hours after she died, on the same day, I was holding my father's hand when he drew his last breath. My daughter and my father also shared the same birthday; Valentine's Day. At first all my tomorrows bothered me because I was afraid they wouldn't get here, but I was more afraid that someone else I loved would stop having tomorrows. I worried about my 2 other daughters and my grandkids. I was terrified that when I said goodbye to someone, I'd never see them again. After while I figured out that I was making myself crazy worrying about it. I had to learn to enjoy each day as it comes. Make it the best day I can. For me. I learned to live for today because tomorrow may not arrive as anticipated.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 33 (view)

Question regarding pedophiles and the law Posted: 11/8/2009 7:41:22 AM
My ex knew a man in his 30s who was mentally handicapped and had the mental capacity of a 12-year old. This man had been in jail numerous times throughout his life for sexual crimes. He would spend time in jail and be released. A couple years later he'd get caught again and return to jail. An endless cycle. He had molested nieces, nephews, neighborhood children. His family did their best to strictly limit his independence and keep tabs on him, but eventually it would happen again. He was always released because of his mental condition. "He just doesn't have the capacity to understand that what he does is wrong." That was the standard line for that man from the legal system. Never once did anyone in the legal or medical system suggest that the safest thing for all concerned would be for him to be in a mental institution. No thought was ever given to how many innocent lives he had destroyed. The "legal eagles" always pushed the idea that he had a right to try to live a normal life. "Criminal justice". An oxymoron at best. There is something wrong when criminals have more rights than their victims.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

is it wrong to want revenge?? Posted: 11/4/2009 8:43:17 AM
The best revenge you can get (and the one that will usually bother him the most) will be to move on and live a good life.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

And then the time comes for the permanent goodbye... Posted: 10/31/2009 5:49:36 PM
OP - I was in private equine rescue for more than 20 years. I've also had rescued dogs all my life. One of the hardest things for an animal lover to do is to not be selfish. I never wanted to put one of my horses or dogs down; I loved them so much. But I had to put my own feelings aside and think only of them. What quality of life do you suppose an animal has when it's sick and feeling fatigued and not able to do the things it's always been able to do? Quality of life is what counts. With each animal I've had to put down, I've spent many long hours crying before and after. But in the end I had to admit each time that the quality of their life is what mattered; not my broken heart. I once had a seriously starved old mare (I bought her when she was 42). At the ripe young age of 47 her body finally gave out. Her mind was still active, but her body just couldn't go on. I told her I loved her and then I personally gave her the injection that led her to her final rest. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Being together for 30, 40, 50 years. Posted: 10/31/2009 5:41:59 AM
My parents were married 55 years when Dad died. My grandparents were married 63 years. These marriages might not have been the best at times, but they saw it through to the end. I married my ex exactly 3 weeks after we met. Had multiple head injuries (his) not interfered, we'd be well on our way to 30 years now. IF I ever marry again, it will last until my last breath. Faithful monogamy is the only thing I know. It's the only way I know how to be.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

RELATIONSHIPS and GRIEF... Posted: 10/29/2009 8:21:21 PM
GrandmaBooBoo - You are so right. I know exactly what you mean. My middle daughter and my father both died on 02-21-06. Twelve hours apart. And they shared the same birthday: Valentine's Day. She had just turned 22 and gotten engaged on her birthday. That day my life became filled with an emptiness I can't describe, a devastation I can't believe, and a rage I can't indulge. For the first 2 years after her death, I wore sadness like a second skin, and it nearly choked the life out of me. About 6 weeks after my daughter died, my ex abandoned me. He simply didn't come home one day. No fights, no explanations, nothing. We never once talked about her death. I got not one drop of comfort or support from him. Ours was not a normal marriage anyway, so when he disappeared, it didn't bother me much. He had survived 5 head injuries during our 23-year marriage. He had a lot of mental, emotional, and behavior problems as a result of his injuries and our daughter's death must have driven him over the edge. By the time of his 5th head injury, he was a diagnosed acute bipolar paranoid schizophrenic with abusive tendencies. From day one, all I heard from my own family was "let it go, get over it, move on". Nice, huh? So I learned to grieve in silence. I've lived a traumatic life (starting with a mother who hated me from birth), yet it took losing my daughter to realize how trivial all the other things I had gone through actually were. I still long for someone to wrap their arms around me, kiss the top of my head, and tell me it's OK to cry. I just want someone to be strong for ME; even if just for a bit. I'm tired wearing the Wonder Woman/Mary Poppins outfit all the time. None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. NONE of us. Living life is about learning. Each chapter of our lives has a lesson for us to learn. I'm a good student. I used to have it all: property, money, "things". It was all taken away from me in one instant. I ended up on the bottom. That's an ugly place to be. And the things people say and think about you when you're there are even uglier. It takes something drastic to make most of us realize just how little most of our everyday problems mean. I survived half a century of trauma without resorting to drugs or alcohol, and I'm relative sane, so I figure I'm doing OK. I now know just how strong I am. There are very few things now that could bring me down. Especially not anything another person could do to me. As I said, living life is about learning. The day I stop learning is the day I die.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

Best friend was hitting on your spouse. What would you do? Posted: 10/28/2009 11:07:28 AM
It happened. I expressed my disgust. It happened again. I expressed my disgust and warned him that I wouldn't be so nice next time. The third time it happened, I slapped his face and told his wife. She slapped his face and they had a "discussion". When I told my ex what happened and how I handled it, he just said, "So, you handled it." So much for that. But we never saw the jerk again. I still talked to his wife, but from then on he was on a very short leash.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

My 4 year old son has imaginary friends... Posted: 10/26/2009 5:24:26 PM
Watch the movie "Drop Dead Fred". It's a great movie. Do some online research. I just Googled "Are imaginary friends healthy?" and got a plethora of results. Having an imaginary friend is healthy and shows a creative side in a young child.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 56 (view)

Why women rule the world. Posted: 10/23/2009 8:12:25 AM
Don't blame me for the content of this post. The following was written nearly a century ago by Nikola Tesla: "The struggle of the human female toward sex equality will end in a new sex order, with the female as superior. The modern woman, who anticipates in merely superficial phenomena the advancement of her sex, is but a surface symptom of something deeper and more potent fermenting in the bosom of the race. It is not in the shallow physical imitation of men that women will assert first their equality and later their superiority, but in the awakening of the intellect of women. Through countless generations, from the very beginning, the social subservience of women resulted naturally in the partial atrophy or at least the hereditary suspension of mental qualities which we now know the female sex to be endowed with no less than men. But the female mind has demonstrated a capacity for all the mental acquirements and achievements of men, and as generations ensue that capacity will be expanded; the average woman will be as well educated as the average man, and then better educated, for the dormant faculties of her brain will be stimulated to an activity that will be all the more intense and powerful because of centuries of repose. Women will ignore precedent and startle civilization with their progress."

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 313 (view)

Racism in Dating Posted: 10/22/2009 7:49:02 AM
For all those who delight in throwing ignorant comments, no matter the situation: 'Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

I need some advice from survivors of childhood abuse for better relationship with guys Posted: 10/12/2009 5:04:37 PM
The following is what I posted in the thread on victimhood. The best advice I can give is to realize that what you were dealt early in your life was not your fault. Forgive those who treated you badly. Forgiveness is for the forgiver; not for the forgiven. Understand that every human being is different from every other human being and each moment we live affects who we are. We must learn to take each other at face value and learn to trust ourselves so that we may learn to trust each other. --------------------------------------- From birth until the age of 18 I was the victim of verbal, mental, emotional, and physical abuse doled out daily by the one person whose love and approval I grew up craving: my mother. I was only a victim because I was a minor and could not defend myself. If I struck back (physically or verbally), the punishment increased. She was a vindictive, manipulative, spoiled biotch. She still is, even in her late 70s. And she still hates me, for reasons she won't discuss. She even denies ever abusing me. I look at my early life as a series of lessons I needed to learn. She was a good teacher. She taught me how NOT to treat anyone, especially my own children. She taught me the importance of trust and showing those I love how I feel. Even after all the trauma of those years, I still trust people until they give me a reason not to. This is my downfall in a lot of situations. When I find myself becoming distrustful without reason, or jaded and bitter, I reflect on the lessons I've learned. The only thing in my life that I have total control over is my reactions to what happens around me. I take each person who enters my life at face value and work diligently to NOT project my past on them and their actions. The choices I have made in my life are what brought me to where I am. They were my choices, and any blame for things not working out the way I wanted them to falls on my shoulders. No one else's. I am not a victim. I am a student of life's lessons and the day I stop learning is the day I die.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

Victimhood Posted: 10/12/2009 12:41:39 PM
From birth until the age of 18 I was the victim of verbal, mental, emotional, and physical abuse doled out daily by the one person whose love and approval I grew up craving: my mother. I was only a victim because I was a minor and could not defend myself. If I struck back (physically or verbally), the punishment increased. She was a vindictive, manipulative, spoiled biotch. She still is, even in her late 70s. And she still hates me, for reasons she won't even discuss. She even denies ever abusing me. I look at my early life as a series of lessons I needed to learn. She was a good teacher. She taught me how NOT to treat anyone, especially my own children. She taught me the importance of trust and showing those I love how I feel. Even after all the trauma of those years, I still trust people until they give me a reason not to. This is my downfall in a lot of situations. When I find myself becoming distrustful without reason, or jaded and bitter, I reflect on the lessons I've learned. The only thing in my life that I have total control over is my reactions to what happens around me. I take each person who enters my life at face value and work diligently to NOT project my past on them and their actions. The choices I have made in my life are what brought me to where I am. They were my choices, and any blame for things not working out the way I wanted them to falls on my shoulders. No one else's. I am not a victim. I am a student of life's lessons and the day I stop learning is the day I die.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

Left-handed people Posted: 9/19/2009 8:03:13 PM
I'm a southpaw and proud of it. Only one of 5 kids like that. I'm also the only "different" thinker. I've always marched to the sound of a different drum. That has been my downfall. I'm the black sheep of the family because of it. Even after getting my knuckles smacked in elementary school for writing with my left hand, I still ended up like that. The only things I do consistently left-handed are eat and write. Everything else in life I do with either hand. Drives people nuts. I have an air mouse for my computer and I use it in both hands. Most people can't figure out how to make it work anyway, so they leave my computer alone.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Woman's sex drive Posted: 8/27/2009 7:52:15 AM
My libido was always high. Never had complaints from the ex until after his first head injury. When he started showing an interest in sex again, I hoped things would go back to normal (as far as sex was concerned). Unfortunately, I found out the quickest way to kill your partner's libido is to constantly tell them, "I don't do command performances." That's what he told me. I was only to get what I wanted when he wanted it to happen. After the first several years of hearing that, I didn't care whether I got it or not. My libido has been rearing it's ugly head again now that he's gone, but without opportunity to really try it out, I don't know if it's at the same level as before. I try to suppress it right now.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 63 (view)

Responsibilitys of Age Gap Relationships Posted: 8/24/2009 8:39:37 AM
Age has very little to do with something like the OP suggests. A situation such as serious illness in one partner is all about how the other partner handles it and the level of commitment between them. My ex survived 5 head injuries during our marriage. Basically, I was married to 6 different men, all in the same body. I had to learn to love each "new" man after each injury. I dealt with the effects of his head injuries (which were devastating to our family) alone. I refused to become a statistic (95% of the spouses of head injury survivors simply leave because they can't cope). I married him for better or worse, not better and no head injury, so leaving was never an option, no matter how bad things got. Some people (no matter what age) can handle a serious illness in their partner. Some can't. If someone gives the situation their best efforts and still are unable to handle it, then the best thing for all concerned would be to leave. It's not wrong. Those who are in a committed relationship and run at the first sign of trouble are the ones who have the problem. The whole situation has very little to do with age.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Sex with a penile implant Posted: 8/19/2009 1:46:06 PM
Exec, the details you gave are much appreciated. I am at an age where it might become prudent for me to know a bit about such things. But don't you think you should be excited about trying out the implant with your WIFE?

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 144 (view)

A connection between personality and how one treats their pets?? Posted: 8/18/2009 5:01:18 PM
Here's another one for you Wings! Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 54 (view)

Is it actually love at first sight .. or probably just chemistry??? Posted: 8/17/2009 8:20:03 PM
I happen to believe in love at first sight. I married my ex exactly 3 weeks after we met. We were together for 23 years. He survived multiple head injuries during our marriage which caused serious mental and emotional problems in him and changed who he was beyond all recognition. If head injury hadn't interfered, we'd still be happily married. Such is life! The thrill we felt when we met was there in abundance until his first head injury, and I believe it would have continued. Will it happen for me again? Who knows. Not all things are probable, but anything is possible. Life is full of surprises.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 46 (view)

MSN/IM phobia prevalence causing people to go POOF! Posted: 8/12/2009 10:46:31 AM
I've discovered when e-mailing with someone that they have the opportunity to think about their response and to compose one which they hope will be what I want to hear. With IM, you're talking in real-time, so they have less time to think about their responses. I've caught several people during my years of using IM who seemed wonderful and could carry on great conversations through e-mail, but were trying to fill my head full of BS once we were chatting in IM and they couldn't take time to thoroughly think through their responses. I've even caught several in outright lies when comparing their previous e-mails to our IM conversations. More of their real personality shows through IM. I guess I just prefer real-time communication to e-mail-delayed communication. It's just second nature for me. But I've been online for 20 years.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 307 (view)

Has anyone ever used ice cubes for sex? Posted: 8/2/2009 6:12:59 AM
Had to dig deep into the dark recesses of my memory warehouse for this one, but many long years ago I had ice cube trays which produced rounded "cubes" about the size of a marble. My ex and I tried them in bed and in a hot tub. Wow! Those cute little "cubes" opened up a whole new world of sensation.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 59 (view)

A connection between personality and how one treats their pets?? Posted: 7/22/2009 8:26:24 PM
I spent more than 20 years taking in starved, abused, neglected, unwanted, elderly, and crippled horses. I specialized in blind horses. At one point I had 15 rescued horses. I had folks from 4 states away drive to my house specifically to bring me a horse they didn't want any longer. When I first got into equine rescue, I swore I'd get the horses fat and sassy and retrained to be good animals, then find them new homes. I rarely found one a new home simply because after my daughters and I put so much love and time and energy into giving our rescues a good life, we were afraid a new owner wouldn't treat them as well as we did. I used to take in abused and unwanted exotic birds too. At one point I had more than 100 of them in my house. Every dog I've ever owned came from a shelter or a rescue situation. I wonder what my "talents" for taking in the unwanted animals says about my personality?

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 58 (view)

Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake. Posted: 7/21/2009 5:58:45 AM
New results suggest that hormone therapy increases the risk for ovarian cancer. The findings held true regardless of the duration of use, dose, formulation, or route of administration, according to a study published in the July 15 issue of Journal of the American Medical Association. "For women having concerns about their risk because they are on hormone therapy or have been taking hormones, our data suggest their risk of ovarian cancer is similar to never users after 2 years' cessation," said Ms. Mørch. "That is, women currently taking hormones seem to reduce their risk of ovarian cancer by quitting hormone use." I just read this in a newsletter I get from a Yahoo group called "livingwellwithmenopause". Here's the URL for the article: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/livingwellwithmenopause/message/77 After all the years of the medical profession pushing menopausal women to take HRT, we're now being warned against it. I sure hope they find something that works that won't create more problems for us!

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

What Men Know That Women Don't Posted: 7/12/2009 11:24:03 AM
Actually, this particular book isn't about a woman snaring a man. The subtitle is "How to Love a Woman Without Losing Your Soul". There is a lot of useful information in the book, but none of it is directly intended toward women. Women, if they're smart, will make use of the info it contains. Most of the relationship books I've read (a couple hundred) are all about teaching men to basically trick or coerce women into giving them sex without the man having to make any kind of commitment. Then there are those that, as you said, teach women how to snare a man. The foolish games we're expected to play in the name of love! How sad.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

What Men Know That Women Don't Posted: 7/12/2009 5:32:06 AM
Your assessment is basically right, nslass. I think a lot of women know what is explained in the book, but they are a silent minority of the female gender. Most of what I read makes a lot of sense, which could be why most of what I've observed in society during my adult life really hasn't made a lot of sense. Does that make sense? I hope so!

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

What Men Know That Women Don't Posted: 7/12/2009 3:47:55 AM
The thread title is the title of a book. It gives an in-depth look into the mental, emotional, verbal, and physical differences between men and women. It also puts the feminist movement (or the results thereof) under a microscope, so to speak. The feminist movement actually started centuries before it was called by that name. The book is definitely an interesting read and explains (for me) some things about the men I've known during the last half century. It shows that relationships are easy if we can come to grips with our gender differences and deal with those differences instead of trying to blur the lines. It also helped me realize that my personal feelings about gender roles (which I've been told are wrong) are more right than I thought. Anyone else read the book? If so, what did you think? If not, you should!

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Bad experience with pets Posted: 6/30/2009 10:18:48 AM
After a lifetime spent around horses, I can honestly say that I've never seen one lift its leg to pee on anyone. Although I've seen horses in their owners' houses, I've never seen one pee on the bed. Help themselves to things in the fridge, yes, but never pee on the bed. Seriously, if you are uncomfortable/afraid when you are introduced to the stallions, just keep a fence between you and the horse. Gender (stallion, mare, gelding) should not make a difference. If the horse has been taught basic manners, there will be no biting, striking, kicking, charging, etc. For many years I dealt with abused horses who had some serious mental problems created by former owners. Once the rehab was well under way, I never had one "surprise" me with a return to old behaviors. I could introduce strangers to my herd with no fear of anyone sustaining an injury from an animal's actions. From their own inability to pay attention (having your toes stepped on is painful), yes, but never from the direct actions of a horse. Just be cautious until you are comfortable.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

artistic creativity and compatibility Posted: 6/29/2009 4:26:08 PM
Anything is possible. Even those things which are not probable. Some things in life have no explanation and we will never understand them. My ex was a "thinker"; logical, linear, rational. From A to B to C. I was a creative/artistic "feeler"; with all that particular trait entails. We were married 23 years. After surviving 5 head injuries during our marriage, his thinking went from all I was familiar with, to something totally bizarre. Had head injury not interfered, we'd still be married and still getting along fine. I loved the "thinker" and he loved my "feeler" qualities. We seemed to balance each other. Some of life's problems require more of a "thinker"; some require more of a "feeler". I ended up with 3 daughters: 1 who is a very creative/artistic "feeler"; 1 who was a "thinker"; and 1 who is a creative/artistic "feeler/thinker". Quite a mix!

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 41 (view)

Long vs short hair Posted: 6/28/2009 2:03:36 PM
Many long years ago, when I was first married, I had hair nearly to my knees. After having my first child, I no longer had time to fuss with that much hair. I had it cut to my waist. After my second child, I definitely didn't have time for hair. I put up with it as long as I could because my (then) hubby loved it. I kept mentioning getting it cut but he kept begging me not to. I finally told him that if he wanted me to have long hair, it would be his responsibility to wash it, comb it, dry it, and braid it to keep it out of my way. He was thrilled with idea of "playing" with my hair. Having my own personal stylist lasted for about 4 days. He then told me to get it cut if I wanted. The stylist cut a 37-inch ponytail before she even started cutting it short, the way I wanted it. When we got done, my hair was an inch long all over my head. I was in heaven! As for long-haired women being more insecure or high maintenance than those with short hair? I don't believe it. Yes, SOME women with long hair play the "hair card" to attract attention. But, as usual, not all of us with long hair are like that. SOME women with short hair are also high maintenance. If any man in my life tells me I'm "not allowed" to cut my hair the way I want it, he will become my personal stylist. That never lasts long. I don't dictate how the man in my life will wear his hair, so I expect the same in return. It's one thing to want to do something just to please your SO. It's another thing entirely to demand your SO do something (no matter how troublesome on a regular basis it is) just to make you happy. And if some of you men have never had long hair of your own, try it. You'll find out that long hair is a lot more than just pretty and sexy.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

When to pull the plug on a pet Posted: 6/27/2009 8:36:43 PM
I've always had rescued dogs and for more than 20 years I had many rescued horses. Some of them couldn't be saved, whether due to neglect, starvation, crippling illness, injuries, or simply old age. I had to accept the fact that when their quality of life was threatened, if I tried to "fix" it so they would be with me longer, I was being selfish. The decision to let one go was never easy, but it had to be made for the welfare of the animal. My personal feelings (heartbreak over losing a cherished friend) became irrelevant.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Why do females shun rural areas? Posted: 6/27/2009 8:29:57 PM
I grew up in a small town and couldn't wait to move to the country. I got my wish about 12 years ago. I had 100 acres in the middle of nowhere. They pumped the sunshine to us. No neighbors visible from my property. Beyond my house, there were no phone lines run yet (took me 3 months to get a phone there because they had to run the lines from almost a mile away). Three cars in a row was a traffic jam. 360-degree sunrises and sunsets. Deer grazing in the pasture with my horses. Bears, turkey, mountain lions, raccoons, opossums, hawks, turkey buzzards, geese, ducks, pheasants, grouse, etc. It was heaven. And my 3 daughters grew up loving (and preferring) the country. I think young folks these days shun the small-town/rural lifestyle because young people these days seem to have this incessant need to always be "doing something". They have no idea how to enjoy a sunset or a walk in the woods. In a rural setting, there's "nothing to do" and "nowhere to go". Where's the mall?! I've heard that from more than one young person after spending an hour at my house.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Beating the heat at our age Posted: 6/25/2009 11:17:30 AM
Thanks to hot flashes for the last 16 years, anything over 40 degrees is too warm for me. I used to sleep in a room so cold that you could see your breath. I may consider a move to the Arctic Circle. Seventeen degrees is comfortable for me. I don't deal well with heat, even though I used to love it. I drink lots of water and become a night-owl in the summer.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 44 (view)

Thought of the day? Posted: 6/21/2009 11:29:42 PM
God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I'm so far behind I'll never die!

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 24 (view)

Sleep patterns as we age Posted: 6/21/2009 7:49:27 PM
London Lass - I consider myself very lucky to live where I do. No close neighbors, 360-degree sunrises and sunsets, surrounded by hundreds of acres of woods. They pump the sunshine to us out here. Heck, 3 cars in a row is a traffic jam!

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

I just found out that my first-ever foster dog has passed :-( Posted: 6/21/2009 7:44:24 PM
You're very welcome, GubbleBum. Sharing little bits of her with others makes missing her so badly a bit easier to handle. My dad died the same day she did, 12 hours later, and they shared the same birthday; Valentine's Day. At least I know that the 3 of them are together and none of them will ever hurt again. She and I poured our hearts and souls into helping animals. At one point we had 15 rescued horses. And she put as much of herself into each of them as she did into her Booger dog.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Sleep patterns as we age Posted: 6/21/2009 7:30:27 PM
Sometimes though it gets pretty boring being the only one awake at 5:00 AM on a Saturday or Sunday morning Oh, but caddboy, it's a glorious time of the morning to be awake, no matter what day of the week it is. You get to see all the action in the heavens. When the stars go to sleep as the goddess of the night relinquishes her throne to the the warmth and passion of the god of the daylight. They gently caress each other in passing; so close, and yet so far. There is a wonderful smell to nature as the sun gently warms everything it touches. It's like no other smell on Earth. I love to sit outside at dawn with my cup of tea just to watch and listen to the daylight world coming alive.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Iniating lovemaking Posted: 6/21/2009 6:00:16 PM
I used to try to initiate sex with my ex. The last 17 years of our marriage, I was repeatedly told, "I don't do command performances." After a couple years of hearing that, I quit. He initiated. By that time, I couldn't have cared less about it. It's been quite a few years since I had sex, so if I ever get the opportunity again, I imagine I might find myself having to learn to initiate all over again.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Is woman's sexuality more selfish than men's? Posted: 6/21/2009 5:48:31 PM
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. That's one reason why we're harder to please. Men and women are different: physically, mentally, and emotionally. End of story. It's not rocket science (that's much easier to figure out)! The sooner we all come to grips with the fact that we're different (as night and day), the sooner some of the games (and the lame guesses and surveys and "research" - and I use that term loosely) will be obsolete. Can't we rejoice in our differences? Just think how boring this wonderful world would be if all men and women thought, acted, and reacted the same. Some will say, boring, but oh so balanced. Our differences are what keep us alive. Literally.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Sleep patterns as we age Posted: 6/21/2009 2:26:38 PM
I don't remember ever being able to sleep for 8 hours straight, unless it was while still drugged from having surgery. I've always been a very light sleeper and don't function well in noisy environments at night. I remember in my early 20s, I would get home from work around 3 AM and be up at 6 with my oldest daughter. I seemed to function well on just a few hours of sleep. But I also remember most of my life not being able to shut my brain down at night. The harder I tried to relax and drift off, the faster thoughts would fly through my head. Since being thrown into menopause 16 years ago, things have gotten incredibly worse. I've been flashing around the clock all these years, and no meds of any kind have slowed it down. I lay in bed and fight with myself for 8 hours every night just to get a total of maybe two or three hours of sleep. I remember once, about 4 years ago, I actually slept for 3 hours undisturbed. When I realized what had happened, I was so excited (thinking that maybe the flashing was going to stop) that I didn't sleep at all for 2 days. I'd give just about anything to be able to get even 4 or 5 hours of undisturbed sleep every night.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

I just found out that my first-ever foster dog has passed :-( Posted: 6/21/2009 9:37:59 AM
My sympathies to you, OP. My middle daughter volunteered for our local Humane Society in her teens. She never said no to anything asked of her, so she was the one who was "gifted" with all the nastiest jobs while the paid employees stood around and did next to nothing. They got in a female mixed-breed who was due to have pups any time. The poor dog ended up having 8 pups. The woman who ran the place allowed 5 of the pups to starve to death in the first few days before she allowed my daughter to bring the others home for bottle-feeding. We lost one of them the day we brought the last 3 home. We lost a second one a few weeks later (he had some kind of swallowing problem). The last one became my daughter's life. She took him everywhere, except to school (she was 14 at the time). She got up through the night to feed and snuggle him. He was so tiny that she carried him in her pocket for a long time. He used to lay in her hand and suck on her finger while he slept. When he was 4 months old, she was so proud that she took him to the Humane Society to show them how well he was doing. One of the paid employees took a look at him playing on the counter and told my daughter that he obviously had hip problems and would be put down anyway (he never did develop hip problems). We left. He wasn't weaned until he was almost 5 months old because he had some stomach problems. We paid for all his formula, meds and vet visits when he got sick, vaccinations, and special food to wean him. When we went to sign the papers to keep him, they made us pay the full adoption fee, even though we had already paid several hundred dollars for his care from our own pockets. We paid the fee and never had anything further to do with that place. He couldn't be neutered at 6 months because he hadn't developed enough. We finally had him neutered at 9 months. By the time he was a couple years old, he was an 80-pound teddy bear. He was the light of my daughter's life. He was such a sweet baby. When she was at school, or later, work, he would lay on the chair with me. He slept with her and was her constant companion. When he wasn't feeling well, he wanted to be wrapped in a blanket and rocked. Even as a mature dog, he would suck on her fingers in bed while he slept. He brought a lot of light and life into our lives. About 6 months after my daughter died in 06, I think it finally hit him that she wouldn't be coming home again, and he started to wither. Almost a year after she died, he joined her. He simply went to sleep one night and never woke up, just like she did. I've had rescued dogs and horses most of my life. It's always so painful to put so much love into an animal who has become a treasured member of the family and then lose them. But they always remain in our hearts.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 87 (view)

Silver haired dancing machines your thoughts. Posted: 6/20/2009 8:57:28 PM
Boy, did this thread bring back memories! Wonderful memories that I thought had been placed in mothballs in my Memory Warehouse, never to be recalled again. Many long years ago I used to go dancing with a friend every Saturday night. We loved live music. One night an "old man" (I was in my early 20s and he was in his late 50s) asked me to dance. I'd seen him at the bar on previous weekends just sitting and watching the dancing. When we got on the floor, he asked if I had ever done any ballroom dancing. I hadn't. In my early teens I had survived a few years of tap dancing, ballet, and acrobatics, but nothing elaborate. We stood in the center of the floor discussing dancing and he talked (and counted) me through some basic steps. We took everything slow until I got comfortable with the moves. Every Saturday night we'd spend a couple hours on the floor. As the weeks progressed, we became very synchronized and I had no trouble following his lead. After a few months, there was nothing he could throw at me that I couldn't keep up with. Eventually it got to the point where folks were moving off the floor to watch us. It became second nature for me and we simply danced and joked the night away. I remember the feeling of freedom. I would lose track of others even being in the same room. When we stopped a dance, I'd realize that others were watching and clapping, and I'd blush. He'd kiss my hand, I'd sit down to rest, and he'd go back to his seat at the bar. Soon folks would be asking us to dance again. It was wonderful! Thank you for resurrecting this thread. I really miss my dancing days.

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Any other grammar nazis around these parts? Posted: 6/19/2009 6:43:11 AM
In my 20+ years online, I've had to learn to accept the fact that not everyone cares how they present themselves to the world. And that is exactly what we're doing when we post anything online. Granted, not everyone learned to type when young and most (I've experienced) are two-fingered typists who "poke and hope", "search and destroy", "hunt and peck". I type so much that I wear the letters off keyboards (which is nice because those who don't know a keyboard well cannot use my computer). I do have to laugh at those who brag of a college education in their profiles, yet their profile is filled with simple mistakes. Most of the time I doubt they're genuine mistakes; I think people have just gotten lazy. And with the dumbing-down of society in the last several decades, what more can we expect? My business law teacher used to tell her classes, "If you wish the world to consider you intelligent, present yourself to the world intelligently."

imsophie1

Joined: 4/12/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

I have to give my boyfriend space but I can't!!! Posted: 6/15/2009 3:01:27 PM
This is not a break or a breakup. This is vital time that he needs to spend with his father. We can all have other SOs, but we are each allotted only one father and one mother. That's it. Just get a life of your own. Become a whole person yourself instead of just an extension of someone else. This could also be a good test for him to find out if you're really the right one for him. If someone I cared for whined about me needing to spend time with family (especially in such a situation as this), they'd find themselves alone.

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