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Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

And the nominees for 'Best Use of a Smiley in a Profile' are... Posted: 2/18/2009 8:48:30 PM
Well, I'll give you this, my friend: you start out by grabbing my attention with the username, and you follow through in the profile. As a general rule I hate Hate HATE emoticons in profiles... but yours is one of the only profiles I have ever read that made me laugh out loud (at the bouncing smiley joke), and even the dancing banana seems right at home. I really liked the paragraph on the topic of spellcheck. You had me with warm fuzzies... right up until you said, "I know what three of them mean." Wow - what a slap in the kisser out of nowhere! That was a glass of cold water in the face, and it really doused many of the good feelings generated by the rest of the profile. So you're saying that it's my job to figure out if have any clue what monogamous, loyal, or faithful mean? No thanks. Next! My point here is that you picked a good time in the profile to be sincere, and a really good way of doing it -- don't screw it up by pretending to be 'cool' and like you didn't mean it. Drop the last two sentences, and this is a killer paragraph. MHO - lost the big poem in the First Date section. Your own words are funny, honest, original, and enticint, but the giant text box with someone else's thoughts is sort of off-putting. Your own words are all you need; have confidence in them! Other than these few critiques, this is a very solid profile that (I would bet) does an excellent job of conveying who you are ... well done!

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

One Profile Review, coming up! Posted: 2/18/2009 8:31:00 PM
It's definitely not too long. Unfortunately, you suffer from 'block of text' syndrome -- use the 'enter' key once in a while, my friend! Short hits: - Username is basically your real name. No mystery or intrigue there. - Headline is mildly interesting, but not tied into anything - Two of your pictures (your dog, and the 'Johnson Valley' one) are against POF rules, as they don't include you. - The three of you are all taken from the same webcam, giving the impression that you either have no friends to take pictures of you, or you never leave your computer. Neither is good... but at least you have different shirts on in each one! - Your main picture has you in sunglasses, hiding part of your face. Switch to the one in the dark tee as your main (for now!) as it has your best image. - You only have three interests in life? Seriously? Come on... I'm sure you can come up with another dozen if you think about it. The About Me itself has a lot of redundant information: "Hi, single guy here in the San Gabriel Valley looking for someone to spend quality time with." - Single, guy, and looking for someone are already either stated in your biographical info, or assumed from the fact that you're on POF. "I like anything outdoors, traveling, movies, happy hour, going out with friends." - these belong in your Interests section. See, I knew you had some additional interests! "I am open for a long term relationship with the right person." - then why put 'Dating'? Because you don't want to scare people away by being too serious too early? Then dial it back in the About Me section too. "Well thats it for now...lets get the ball rolling!" - unnecessary fluff at the ending weakens the paragraph. "definatly" - it's spelled 'definitely' First Date: "lets get to know each other and and see what happens" - yeah, that's sort of the point of a first date, so writing it out is weak and makes you seem like you have no ideas. Be strong, positive, and creative in this spot! This is where you get to wow her with your individuality! There's a very good 'Profile Writing Tips' thread stickied at the top of this forum (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx) that I urge you (not just you specifically, but everyone wanting advice on profiles) to read. Most of what people will tell you here -- self included -- is already written up there in a far funnier and more interesting way than I can type. Good luck to you, and I hope this helps.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Please look, been on a while now, need help Posted: 10/5/2008 9:01:36 AM
First of all, be honest. I mean, with us. If you've 'been on a while' then why does that little box to the left say "Joined: 9/16/2008"? Three weeks is hardly 'a while' in the online dating business. This is not a drive-through. Starting with the good stuff, I did like your headline; it does what it's supposed to do and makes me want to read further about the person who wrote it. The other good thing is that it's fairly consistent throughout. You are who you are, and you're not trying to portray yourself as anything but. There are still some areas where you have completely slacked off, though, and could make a difference without too much additional effort. You have three pics (which is better than one!) but: - Your main is poorly cropped, and you're not looking at the camera - All three are indoors - In two are wearing the same shirt - You didn't shave for any of them, making you look rather scruffy, Variety and interest are the spice of life here. As they are in your interests... and you give me "Laughing, joking, smiling". These are not interests: these are adverbs. Comedy clubs, practical jokes, shenanigans... these could be interests. Whatever it is that actually interests you -- football club, favourite show, favourite band, physical activities you perform, hobbies/pastimes - mark it down in this box. It acts as a conversation starter. Your 'About Me' is pretty much stream-of-consciousness, all written at one go. Fine, that's who you are. My suggestions are to hit 'enter' a couple of times so that it's not all one block of text, and maybe to add a couple more unique adjectives about both yourself and the person you're looking for. Advocating illegal activities (eat and run) in your first date section is probably going to turn a LOT of women off. There is no way to know from this if you are being serious, so many people just won't bother. And either flesh out your mail restrictions, or remove the lonely remaining one of 'female'. My preference is to get rid of them altogether. Good luck to you!

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

year round profile..??? Posted: 10/3/2008 8:26:51 AM
You only really have two viable candidates: white shirt, and blue shirt (current main). Either one of them is fine, although white shirt is more 'traditional' in that it focuses entirely on you rather than including more background and context. It completely depends on which message you want to send. Whichever one you use, though, I suggest re-cropping the photos to make them more square; as you can see, POF will either stretch or squash the thumbnail of any photo whose width-to-height isn't pretty much the same, and both of these shots suffer from being widened. Fix that so the thumbnail looks better, and go with whatever one you like. In fact, rotate them once in a while; it's good to have different profile pictures as your main from time to time.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Different strokes Posted: 9/11/2008 4:47:29 PM
Wow that bad you reckon! Was a combination of the profile and the post here. Yes, it was better than many - no argument there - but not as good as you seemed to think it was... and certainly not enough to cause women to swoon and flock to you as you suggested you deserved. You must have revised it a bit already. He has - and it's looking better, definitely. The additional information makes it read quite differently, and the changed wording on some things (e.g. the piano lessons part) makes it much friendlier, and less like an acerbic/sarcastic/off-putting. First contact stats -- as stated by POF, anyway -- says that Women write 26% of first-contact email. Personally, I doubt that figure, unless there's one lady in Lubbock Texas cranking one out to every guy in that state, or somesuch. Continents: Cape of Good Hope is one (Africa), Ireland is on a continent (that's two)... and I mistakenly assumed that Chinyingi mission was in Asia making three. The axe joke refers to the number of psychos that internet dating sites have the stigma of attracting. Which is why it's not funny. Reminding women that contacting strangers over the internet can lead to murder or mutilation is NOT a recipe for a belly-laugh, trust me. Or trust the other reviewer who has already agreed with me. Or -- as I said -- do what you like and hope that it works... but I'm with Mac that you will lose 60-90% of your audience on that one sentence alone. Good improvements. Good luck!

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

year round profile..??? Posted: 9/11/2008 3:19:48 PM
So wrong for this thread on so many levels. Head back out the door you came in, and get out of the Love Stuff section. Take a left and go for about two blocks until you see a sign that says "General Discussion". About 8 houses in there's a door that says "Politics". Don't even bother knocking, they won't hear you anyway; just head in and start shouting with the rest of them.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

More like a 'sheesh'. Posted: 9/11/2008 2:25:31 PM
Women write a LOT fewer first-contact letters than men. Have you sent any out, or are you seriously expecting that you just need to put a profile up and watch the chickies throw themselves at you? Because if so, then you need to give them a reason to do so... and this profile, my friend, ain't it. - Your headline says that you're full of yourself. - You don't give a serious profession - You have only two interests - Your About Me starts out with the typical "Gee, how do I write this?" whine, and then goes off to say that you're a time-wasting musician that likes pubs, needs to impress people with his travels (three favourite places on three different continents? Pffft.) and has absolutely no clue about what is and is not funny. - And you end it with a First Date that doesn't even make sense, much less convey information. Oh yeah. I can't figure out why the women aren't all over you. Especially when you write such appealing things like this: At the moment I like ... sharpening my axe for the next online dating victim. I mean, that's the stuff every woman dreams of hearing, right? I strongly urge you to read the Profile Writing Tips thread (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx) for some advice on how to write an attractive profile. Or keep doing what you're doing and hope that the universe changes to make it popular; makes no nevermind to me. Either way, best of luck to you.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Can I get some profile reviews? Posted: 9/11/2008 2:15:42 PM
Quick shots for you. - Your pics are blurry, hastily taken, and you're not smiling in your main. Crop your 'peace sign' one into a square with your head-and-shoulders as the center, and use that one; delete everything else (the other two of you are not good, and the three of your dog are against POF rules) and then work on getting more good pictures. - Your interests are all pretty geek-oriented. That's going to chase some women away. I'm not saying change who you are, just be aware of the realities. Your About Me is pretty much a writeoff: - The first paragraph is redundant with information above, and as such is not needed. - The second paragraph is about what you scholastic history - The third paragraph is the standard whine about how hard it is to fill out this box... which is not needed and not useful. That pretty much leaves you with a list of bullet points of good characteristics. And then you top it off with a complete cop-out of a First Date box, showing no imagination, spark, assertiveness, or creativity. I'm sorry, Ravi, but there is very little about this profile that is going to grab and hold very many peoples' attention... and if you can't do that, then you're not going to find much success. Read the Profile Writing Tips thread (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx) for lots of good advice on what works and what does not work, as well as the reasons behind it. Mull that over and see how you can make the advice work for you, and go for a significant re-write. If you're up to the challenge, then come on back when you're done and bump this thread for some more advice. Good luck, and all the best.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Profile second opinion Posted: 9/11/2008 9:04:49 AM
^^^ You do realize that this is a thirteen month-old profile review that you just bumped, right? I just mention this because not everyone always looks at the dates before responding. Yeah, I'm looking at you, OFMM.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Help! Will I scare the men off? Posted: 9/11/2008 7:21:24 AM
Snuck a quick peek at the changes so far. Two comments: "Water Sports" is a euphemism for things you might not be aware of. Look up Urolagnia in Wikipedia (or somewhere else) and maybe spell out what you mean more clearly. I do not do one night stands, and really do not want to be contacted by married men or players, whilst I know I can block this type of man, Im sure some do slip through the net. (I apologise to those men who are genuine for making that statement). This paragraph helps you not at all, and in fact might hurt you. Players, by definition, don't care what you want; it's all about their own gratification. As such, they aren't going to be turned off by a paragraph telling them to go away any more than a lion will stop eating a zebra just because someone painted "No Lions Allowed" on its side. The 'genuine men' you refer to, though, will see this and will pay attention... just not necessarily how you want them to. It signals "issues!" and might indeed 'scare the men off' -- the good ones, anyway. Furthermore, it makes you look like a weaker person ("Please, all you nasty guys, just leave me alone! ) and not a stronger one. I doubt that this is the message you want to send... and in fact you recognize this fact already by apologizing for saying it. So don't apologize for saying it; just don't say it.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Profile reviewer needs a Rusty Nail Posted: 9/10/2008 4:06:37 PM
(I swear, sometimes these titles just write themselves.) Well, I would suggest reading the Profile Writing Tips (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx) ... but it seems like you've been there already. If you were lying, though, then go stand with your nose in the corner for ten minutes and read them when you come back. For the most part, I like this profile - not because it's classically fantastic, but I'm guessing that it quite reflects who you are. Good selection of pics, nice sort of flow to the About Me... feels very comfortable. Still, there are a few things that stood out as sour notes. - You have to have more than six interests. Seriously, man. Double that number and I'll let you off the hook. - You have some typos in your About Me (e.g. you misspell 'quiet' as 'quite' in several places) and some spelling/layout errors. This is not a one-shot deal, you don't have to get it right the first time. Read it again and revise/correct/perfect it, or get a friend with good English skills to do it. - Remember that warm, comfortable feeling I mentioned? It completely evaporated when I got to the line, "Have no problem with “I am sorry, Your right” (when someone else is saying it)". Suddenly I didn't know which was real - the nice guy, or the buttwipe. You want to avoid a sharp turn like that, and watch that humour doesn't always come off in print like it does in person, or in your head. - I don't usually like song lyrics in the About Me: use your own words, not someone else's. Maybe it's the rest of your profile, maybe it's because I'm tired, maybe it's the three martinis... but I find myself not minding them in yours. Do put the song title in, though, if possible. - First Date: This is the section for the first DATE, not the first MEET. First you meet for coffee in a public place; that's a given, everyone has to do that, or some variant of it. Then you decide if you want to go on that first DATE... and now you've got a lot more leeway. Be more interesting, more personal, more personable, more creative... there aren't nearly as many 'rules' to this section as you might think. This is your strong finish, though - the last thing the woman is going to see before she decides to leave or respond, so make it strong. Thassit from me. Good luck to you.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Can't rate it. I can review it, though. Posted: 9/10/2008 3:49:24 PM
Fairly solid profile overall. Couple of little tips: - Great that you have 6 pics, but they're ALL inside, several are really blurry, and one is rather old. Update with newer pics: get a mate to snap you playing football or squash... yeah, it's embarassing, but ask him anyway. He'll do it. - Remove the paragraph that starts "I've been single for about eighteen months..." Discuss your history in person, not here and now. - "I'm currently reading a book about the Romans (don't judge me)." ... are you? Still not done with it? Current projects aren't a good idea unless you update frequently. It's a good effort, really. It's still worth reading the Profile Writing Tips thread(http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx), though, as it might spark some ideas on what add, subtract, or do differently. Good luck!

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Looked. Responded. Your turn. Posted: 9/10/2008 3:42:05 PM
Sorry if I come off as a jerk but I want someone to just be completely honest I don't want to hear a single person tell me to suck it up and get over it Which is it - do you want honesty, or do you want your head patted and to be told that you're perfect and it's all those mean ol' b!tches fault? Can't have it both ways. Short version, though, is that both your post and your profile have a mile-wide stink of entitlement to them. You can't go up to people -- not even women! -- and say, "I'm lonely! Be my friend! Now!" and expect much... yet that's exactly what you're doing in this profile. I was tempted not to respond just to see if you'd have a meltdown if people had the gall to ignore your request, but I figure it might be just as interesting to see your response.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Help! Will I scare the men off? Posted: 9/10/2008 12:26:35 PM
I have to say, and this not a reflection on your thoughts, that I am quite upset that perhaps men may think "my daughter wants a daddy". They will think so only if you tell them that, which is what I understood you to be asking whether or not you should do. If I misunderstood, then my bad. My comment above was ambiguous, so I'll re-write part of it here. It's fine to mention that you have a daugther and how old she is. You did that already, so that base is covered. Stay away from saying anything that might even SOUND like you're saying "My daughter is desperate for a daddy!" because it will attract completely the wrong type of people. I hope that helps, you're welcome, and all the best.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Help! Will I scare the men off? Posted: 9/10/2008 11:38:41 AM
Hi Debbie. MHO (My Humble Opinion) is that you don't want to be using your girl at all in your dating life. You can mention that you have one (which you do), but anything at all that smacks even a little of "My daughter is desperate for a daddy!" will attract completely the wrong type of people -- both for her, and for you -- and cause the right kind to keep away. Think of it this way: if the fact that you have a five year-old daughter who could use a strong male figure is the one key issue that's going to push someone over the top and send you a message... do you really to hear from that guy? The proper guy will write to you regardless, and will consider your daughter a neutral factor, or (hopefully) a positive one. As to your profile, here are my thoughts. Username - Your name and your age. Bland. Headline - Contains the dreaded 'looking for', and implies that it's my job to rescue you/save you/sweep you off your feet. Pics: - Put some clothes on, woman! You look like a very attractive woman, but playing peekaboo with your ta-tas on camera is a not-so-subtle invitation for every pervy guy out there that you're up for free-and-easy NSA fun. Or at least, that's what they're going to think. And the not-so-pervy guys that you might actually want to contact you will think that you are looking for the other type, so they might not even read any farther to see. - Now that you're dressed, go get some more pics - the gallery can hold up to eight - and add them in. There's no reason why this can't be full, or mostly full. If you don't have any, get friends (or even random kindly strangers) to take some, and upload as they appear. Data: - Separated affects how some people look at you. Simple fact. A comment on it is seen as reasonable by many. - Speaking of which, "looking for: long term" is sort of difficult if you're still legally married. Might want to switch that to 'dating'. - 'Prefer not to say" is never a good answer; it is read as 'I know the answer, but you're not worth to hear it or I'm too scared to tell you." Put open/undecided and then explain it in your About Me. - Smarts - N/A? Really? So all you have as a teacher is a HS education? Interests - if you can't be bothered to fill it in with something meaningful, why should I be bothered to contact you? About Me - Wall of text. No paragraphs anywhere makes it very hard to read. - From what I can see it looks like it's got all the right information, but it's jumbled throughout. Split out each sentence and organize it into three paragraphs: Who I Am, What I Do And My Interests, and What I'm Looking For In A Man/Relationship. Simple format that makes things easy to read and easy to organize. - Read each sentence when you're organizing it, as there are some contradictory things. e.g. "... these factors perhaps make me unapproachable but I AM." You are what... unapproachable? I don't think that's what you meant. Mail Settings - Holy Dead Letter Department, Batman! Do you realize that you have slammed a 14-restriction door on a significant majority of the people on this site? A laundry list like this will have a "Keep away" effect on everyone - even the eight guys in England who DO fit your criteria - because they won't bother to read it all to see if they qualify. - If you were having problems with 'too many weirdos' then the problem could have been your pics (see above commentary). Once you change those, the ick factor should go down. - As a rule, I dislike Mail restrictions; this is a site based on communications, and anything that puts a block in the way of that is a bad thing, IMHO. I suggest nuking them all -- even the 'male' one -- and filtering by hand. If you start getting swamped by an influx of mail from 22 year-old women in Nigera... then by all means put them back on, but until them let yourself seem more inviting. And, as always, I direct people to the Profile Writing Tips thread stickied at the top of this forum (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx) where the rationale behind these thoughts is explained, and many other good ideas are presented by a lot of smart people. Best of luck to you!

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

The simplest suggestion Posted: 9/10/2008 10:27:05 AM
Don't just sit there and wait for your perfect man to find you. So many women I have spoken to on this site put up a profile and then sit and wait for the guy to come to them. You are not a passive participant in your own life: get active! Look around, read profiles, study up on who is in your area... and then if you see one you like grab the initiative and send him a message! It might not end up going anywhere, but that's the same chance a guy takes every time too. And (as the carnival barkers say) you can't win if you don't play! Of course, you also can't LOSE if you don't play, but then you're not even playing - you're just sitting on the sidelines. Since you seem to be unhappy doing that, change things up a little. :-)

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

What am I doing wrong? Posted: 9/10/2008 10:15:50 AM
Mushka, this is given2fall's profile review. If you want to say something about his profile, this is where you to do it; if you want to say things about your own profile, however, then you're in the wrong place. Start your own profile review thread and don't hijack someone else's.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

In this world, there is right and there is wrong, and that distinction is not difficult to make Posted: 9/10/2008 10:09:52 AM
(The title is one of my favourite quotes, and I couldn't resist a chance to slip it in as a response to your question.) Since you asked for both, here's what I've got in point form. Good: - Headline is better than most - nice main pic - Lots of good stuff in the First Date box. Bad: - Username is bland and uninteresting: your location, your gender, your birth year. Wheee. - Headline is in all caps. I don't like being shouted at. - Not enough Interests - Room for 8 pics and you only have 2 - Emoticons in the About Me - No paragraphs in the About Me - Spelling and punctuation errors in About Me. This isn't a one-off deal; you can edit it all you want. The fact that you haven't sends a message that you're either not serious, or don't care, or can't be bothered. - About me contains a lot of negativity and cliches, and things you DON'T want. Not enough information about who you are and what you DO want. - Way too MUCH stuff in the First Date box. Don't detail your entire dating future, just give the guy something to work with! Below is what I mean - I haven't changed a single word you wrote, just trimmed a bunch of stuff and moved some sentences around. Feel free to take it if you'd like. <div class="quote">My first date would be a walk somewhere quiet where we can talk and walk and get to know each other. After walking for awhile and depending on how things go, let's do something fun like go play putt-putt or go out for coffee. I want to see what we are like outside of the confines of a movie theatre. There is a thread called Profile Writing Tips stickied at the top of this forum (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx). It contains discussion of some of these mistakes (as they are common, and many people make them) as well as explanation of why they are bad and what to do to fix them. I recommended it to pretty much everyone as a good starting point. If you make a lot of changes and want a second look, don't hesitate to bump the thread and ask. Good luck to you!

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Still too long Posted: 9/10/2008 9:39:32 AM
I didn't see the over-the-top-filled-with-innuendo version (I'm sorry I missed it!) so all my comments come with that in mind. The whole thing is Just. Too. Much. There is only one focus with this profile: to find a woman, club her over the head, and take her back to your cave. It starts out strong and is completely relentless in its pursuit of this goal. I'm getting the "What's it gonna take to put you in this car, little lady?" or "Call now, this offer could be rescinded at any time!" hurry-up-and-do-it vibe that just keeps coming at me and won't stop. There's a line between assertive and pushy, between forceful and forcing it. MHO is that you are still on the wrong side of that line, but then again maybe that's who you are and what you're going for. If so, then kudos; you nailed it. You start out with the username "Marriage Material". None of this wishy-washy "Hey, this is who I am" stuff... nope. You're here for Marriage, assume that women are here for the same thing, so you advertise yourself as Marriage Material so they all know that you're the one to look at. Do you see what I mean? Interests: - 'laughing' and 'helping others' don't fit in this category. - Pluralize 'wine bar' and 'beach' if you're going to keep them -- they highlight because there are other people with bad grammar out there too, but don't make yourself one of them. - Why is SNORKELING capitalized? About me: No idea how long it was before, but it's still way too long. There's a lot of redundancy here, and not a lot of flow: you start out with a homily, go to a hypothetical, then to yourself, then what you want, then yourself, then what you want, then yourself, then how you act, then yourself, then her ... do you see what I mean? It's like a crazed tennis match, jumping all over the place. It makes me tired just reading it. Some stuff needs to be dropped, some rethought, some moved around. Here's my thoughts on what, and why. "If your boyfriend or date thinks..." - Are you really poaching people who already have boyfriends? Not a good vibe to give off. And it is both negative and self-aggrandizing at the same time. Take it out. "I am looking for someone to love and I am ready to get started..." - redundant, and negative since the rest of the paragraph goes into all the unsuitable people. If they really are like that, do you think that this paragraph will stop them? It will stop people who might be turned off by the attitude though. Remove. "I am totally down to earth" - I like this as an opener, and use the 'synergy' line as a closer. It strengthens the flow, removes the semi-desperate "please call me!" closer you have right now. It allows you to start with who you are and builds to how great you will be with the right person in an assertive way. "I will always treat you like a lady..." I''d like to hear from the women on this one, but for me this is just wrong. You don't say this, you SHOW this, and if you need to say it to attract someone then they aren't going to be right for you anyway. "She will be so special..." - romantic claptrap that ends in a sort of desperate negativity ("Please don't let this happen to you!" - subtext: please call me, I'll be your fella!) Nothing - not one thing - in this paragraph actually describes the person you're looking for. You go on and on throughout this about all the ways you're going to treat her, and all the wonderful things you'll accomplish together... but who is she? How does she know you're talking to her? Bookish? Energetic? Whimsical? Comfortable with power tools? Impulsive? Passionate? Empathic? Tactile? There has to be something specific that you like in a woman... or will just about anything warm with breasts be subject to the same special treatment? First Date: Specifics beat abstracts every damn time in this section. In its present form, this is complete and cloying fluff: "You'll be you, I'll be me and we'll adapt and blend together." ?? Where's that spoon, I need to gag. You are supposed to be talking about what you would actually DO on a first date, not just how wonderful any first date with you would be if only they would take you up on it please please pretty please with a cherry on it? You are very good at stringing words together. Honestly. Take that skill and use it to good use in this section. Pick something that you might actually do for a first date - and be specific about places if you know of them - and paint a picture. You get to be a little over-the-top here, as long as you're being realistic and it's not fake, and not creepy - no flying to Paris for lunch, or lovingly wrapping her in plaster so you can make a mold of her. Just describe a great first date that you would go on with a woman who fits your ideals. Make it sound so intriguing that she can see herself doing it, and really wants to be part of it. Good luck to you. I hope this helps.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Is my profile causing allergic reactions??? Posted: 9/10/2008 7:29:50 AM
Re: posts 9 and 10: Someone named Emperor came into this thread saying rude and deliberately hurtful things aimed at you as a person, as opposed to critiquing your profile. Either the post or the person was reported to the moderators for being a violation of the forum rules, and the post was removed. Post #10 was a direct response to him, also OT (off-topic) in this thread. Fret not, Kimberly; you didn't miss a thing.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Over and out Posted: 9/9/2008 3:08:55 PM
In the real world, you meet someone and think, "Wow, who is that?" But you're not in the real world, are you? You're in an on-line dating site, and all people have to judge you by is your words and pictures, not your voice or movement or energy or sparkle any of those other things that make up communication in person. So you need to make those things work in your favour, which is why people come into this forum for other opinions, and what I was trying to help you with. So just with that one word on your profile, "separated", that means to me that you are not available. You seem to be operating under one of two hugely mistaken impressions here - that my profile is up for commentary, or that I am expressing any personal interest in you whatsoever. You asked for opinions. I gave my opinion. End of story. The kind of guy that would be interested in me would think that my profile is funny and likes a woman who isn't afraid to speak her mind. If you already think it's perfect, then what are you doing in the Profile Review forum? I just asked about my pictures by the way. a) Not true. Refer to the first words of post #1: "I am looking for some advice from men regarding my profile." If what you said isn't what you meant, then there's not much I can do; I'm not a mind-reader. b) Doesn't work like that anyway, even if that IS what you meant. The rules of this forum (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1947679.aspx) specifically state that requests for picture reviews only are not allowed and will be deleted. I was going to make exactly this comment when I opened the thread, except then I saw the first words re-posted above so it seemed legit. Hopefully, we will all be done wasting our time with this thread. I'm certainly done wasting my time. Feel free to get the last word if you feel the need.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

A despised analogy to make my point Posted: 9/9/2008 10:07:11 AM
And plus this profile thing is really not how you are going to get to know someone. That takes time and effort. Can't argue with that. But think of this as your resume. You don't get a job based on your resume, you get an interview. And based on the interview, that's where the employer decides if you're worth taking a chance on. No matter how spectacular you are, if you can't get to that interview stage (or in this case, first-contact leading to first date) then you're never going to get the chance to show an employer that fact... so you write a good resume to get your foot in the door. Lot of people hate that analogy, because they don't like thinking of dating and jobs in the same sentence, but the point is that you're putting yourself out there in both cases and want to make a good impression. Following it up in your case, all your resume says is that you want this much for a salary, expect the benefits to be such-and-so, refuse to work overtime, and expect four weeks of vacation per year. Now it's possible that you are such a fanstastic worker and amazing individual that you deserve all those things, but what would you think if you saw a resume consisting of nothing but that? Most likely, a real-world job-type resume like the one I described would garner offers only from the inexperienced, the injudicious, and the desperate... which is exactly what you say you're getting. So if you want better offers, change your resume. Or don't, and continue with what you're getting. It's your life, and your decision won't affect my happiness either way, but I wish you all the best.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Here's my take Posted: 9/9/2008 9:21:17 AM
These are the things I see that might be causing these reactions you mention - Username is your actual name. No imagination or creativity there. - You chose a whale as your fish. Since you are already presenting yourself as a BBW, you are not self-deceptive about your weight, but there's no need to be self-loathing about it either and draw even more attention to it. 21 year-old guys are shallow, and driving home the point that you're plus-sized isn't going to help you. - Your headline is... well... depressing. And you never go on to explain it (is it a quote from a favourite author or something?) so it makes YOU seem depressing. Three strikes right off the top that are going to cause those with short attention spans to flip away. Some other things that caught my eye: - Your main picture is cute, but looks completely unlike the rest of your pictures. (e.g. obviously younger, glasses in all others and not this one, shorter hair). I see the same person at Disneyland, but the drinking and roommate pics look like totally different people. - I really liked your About Me section. I think that it could use some massaging, but then that is true of almost everyone's - self included. This is a really good core description of you and what you are seeking... but unfortunately to get to it I need to look past all the other things first. Many people won't. - First Date section starts off horribly. Drop everything up to and including "Just not a movie" The rest is pretty fine, to be honest - specific, and interesting, showing who you are and what you like - but trust me and get rid of the first part. Most of all, remember that you're 21. Many 21 year-old guys are not going to be on a dating site; they're going to be going out and engaging in activities at the university that put them in contact with 21 year-old females. The ones who are going to be here are the ones who are more introverted or socially awkward. This is not to say that they won't be good people, or possibly good boyfriend material, just that they aren't going to be as comfortable in male/female social milieu ... and I say that not as criticism, but as someone who probably would have been here had 'here' existed 20 years ago. From your profile, you don't seem like you would be averse to meeting that sort of person, but you need to understand that those kinds of guys aren't going to be good at writing first-contact notes, so you may have to be more aggressive and not just sit there and wait for the letters to roll in... because these guys aren't necessarily going to risk rejection by putting themselves out there. I hope this helps. Good luck to you!

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Bookrat to Red Leader... er Redmagus. I'm going in. Posted: 9/9/2008 8:18:55 AM
USERNAME: Redmagus24 sounds a bit World of Warcraft-y. When combined with the many nerdish interests (anime, Dr Who, South Park, Simpsons) it could stereotype you. HEADLINE: doesn't draw me in: 'trying to find' is just a synonym for 'looking' which is a bad phrase in a headline. Make it grab me! INTERESTS: - 'blue eyes' and 'red hair' are not interests. By all means put them in your 'about me' to indicate that you like them, but drop them out of here. - Neither are 'academia' or 'university'. - Of the remaining interests, 5 are TV shows, and two more are passive (novels, anime). It's good that you have hiking and walking in there, because otherwise you'd completely be painting yourself as a one-dimensional couch potato. MHO is that you're still in that territory, though, so round it out with some diversity if possible. PICS: - The geek/nerd/couch-potato impression is not helped by the fact that the focus of your main profile pic is the television set in the middle!! - In fact, all your pics show you in a poor light: blurry, distance shots, poorly framed, badly lit. Crop the best one use as a close-up for a main, keep one other good one, and then get some more that show you in a good light. You look like a handsome guy (definitely work that whole 'Said' from Lost angle) so make use of it. ABOUT ME: I'm gonna take a weed-whacker to this and prune it a LOT. But I'll explain why, and hopefully you'll see where I'm going and why. "You know, I'm never good at this 'describe yourself honestly and openly' stuff. So I'm just going to write what comes to mind." - useless, weak opener. If you like English, you know that a strong opening paragraph is critical, and this is just you stepping up to the mike and coughing. Drop it. "I am 25 year old University student" - We already know you're 25. And if you're a University Student, put that as your profession instead of leaving it blank - blanks are bad. And then drop this part too. "I'd like to meet more down to earth women just on Plenty of Fish." - Blazingly obvious; that's why we're ALL here. Drop. "My hope is to find the right women to form an intimate relationship" - You say you're looking for Long Term, but here you say 'intimate'. This was probably unintentional, but you're giving off vibes of 'I want to find someone to hook up with and have sex' in this sentence. Again, I'd drop this. "That being said feel free to message me if interested." - It's never good to beg for messages. They know where the Contact This User button is, and asking them to write will usually have the opposite effect. You don't want to seem desperate; instead, you want to write a profile that will cause them to come to you. ... and now we get to the good stuff. Everything in the second paragraph - except the last line, which is a second 'please write to me' message and so should doubly be dropped - is worth reading. It's actually About You, and it describes who you are. Use it as the basis of your first paragraph. And then go write two more paragraphs. The second one will be about the things you like to do, rounding you out as a person and showing a little more depth to some of the interests you list. And remember that thing I said about balance; it's fine to be brainy, but it's good to show that there's more to you than that as well. Third paragraph is about who you want to meet. She needs to read the first two paragraphs and say, "Holy Smokes, Batman! He's just the kind of guy I want!" and then she needs to see the third one and say, "And he's looking for me!" Be descriptive; characteristics, traits, habits, beliefs. If things like eye and hair colour (or body size, or ethnicity, or anything else) are real deal-killers for you, then this is the place to mention them. For the most part, though, I recommend leaving them out because in the end we all go gray and our eyes cloud over, and what reallly matters is who is under that hair and behind those eyes. FIRST DATE: - You're making excuses, weaseling out, and writing an essay about first dating instead of actually describing a first date. No good, my friend. It's fine to start out with something like, "As a poor university student, I've learned a lot of ways to have fun without spending a lot of money..." but then you have to actually describe one or two of them. Pick something you'd like to do -- frisbee in the park, a walk around the campus to show her all the hidden statuary, or a tour of All The Things You Can Buy For A Dollar. Doesn't matter what, just make it sound fun, and make it part of you, and make her want to be there with you. As always, I close with the recommendation to take a look at the Profile Writing Tips thread that is stickied at the top of this board (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx) because there is lots of other good information to be found there. Good luck to you!

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

No one has ever e-mailed me first. Posted: 9/8/2008 3:55:11 PM
Strike one: This is not the forum for that question. Strike two: This question is 'done to death' - search for previous thread on it. Strike three: This is the fourth thread you have opened requesting a profile review. One per person, please, as per the rules of the forum. Aaaaaaaaannnnd he's outta here!

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Brentwood! Look here! Posted: 9/8/2008 3:52:45 PM
Since, according to the moderator, you seem a little directionally challenged... ;-) I'll put my usual closing advice up top: read the Profile Writing Tips thread that is stickied at the top of this forum (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx). Think of it as a basic instruction manual from multiple points of view; it contains much good general information on how to avoid common pitfalls. Here are my thoughts specifically on your profile - things that serve you well, and things that don't. Username: - A good username highlights some facet of your personality or quirkiness that will draw the person in to read further. "Near Brentwood" says that the thing you consider most interesting about yourself is your geographical location. Really? I mean... really? Headline: - Same function as above, except that you get even more words. "Funny guy" is a descriptor, not an enticer ... and for all we know, it's a complete lie at that. If you're funny, make your headline funny and make people WANT to come in and read more about this interesting character. Data: - All looks good. Be aware that being Separated is more of an issue for males than it is for females, because there is a general concern that a separated guy is looking for a replacement woman to look after him. If you can address this in your 'About Me' without going too far, it can't hurt. Or you can ignore it completely in the profile but bring it up in email. That's what I did. Pics: - Good pictures. Ideally, you want a head- or head-and-shoulders pic for your main, so that you're recognizeable in the thumbnail. Add more gallery shots, ideally of you doing the things you enjoy doing. Interests: - Good list, nice and diverse. The 'growing dope' joke might not go over well with your target audience, but since you're going for the 'funny guy' crowd maybe it will. Either way, good or bad, it stands out from the rest because it isn't highlighted and everything else is. About Me: - Block of text. Get some paragraphs. As a starter, make three: one about you, one about your interests/hobbies, one about who you're looking for. - So you did deal with the separation thing. Good. - "Intelligent,caring, nonjudgmental, good listener and a great kisser." We get to judge if you are intelligent or not from your writing, same as we get to judge if you're witty/funny. The rest of the list is good, so keep it. - "Essentially, I am the kind of guy women write that they are looking for but pass over for someone not so nice." This is a very negative, bitter statement. Even if you feel that way, putting it out there in your profile isn't very helpful and will turn people off. Either keep it positive by taking off the last part, or remove it completely. - "Looking to meet someone interesting with a good sense of humor, intelligence..." Do you know anyone who is looking for a stupid grump? So what you're saying here is that you want exactly the same woman everyone else wants... except I'm sure you don't. Describe her better, and if dress size is an issue then find a positive way to say it (e.g. "I keep active, and I am looking for someone who enjoys looking after themselves.") Mail Settings: - Some gotchas here. At 53, you state that you're looking for someone 35 to 47... six years your junior. That does sort of raise the creepy-meter a little for me. Again, even if it's true, what is it going to kill you if someone who is 48 wants to write you? The way you have things, she can't. My preferred method is to leave mail filters as WIDE OPEN as possible... if you start getting inundated by people who are horrifically unsuitable, then you can tighten them back up again, but in the mean time just read them all and see what happens. I hope that advice helps. Good luck to you on your search.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

A hand-up for the vertically challenged ;-) Posted: 9/7/2008 9:59:07 AM
First of all, 5'6" is not short short, although it is below average. Secondly, it's not all about height - it's about how you carry yourself. Thirdly, make sure you're not lying; if you're 5'4" and putting 5'6" because you're scared of saying you're that diminuitive, then that is a lie and will screw you over hard when you actually meet someone. Having said that, I don't think it's just your height that is causing issues here. Username: - Not inspiring. Doesn't grab me. Doesn't make me want to look any further at all. Headline: - Anyone who is truly classy seldom refers to themselves that way, and the phrase 'looking for' is not a good one in a headline. We're all here looking, or we wouldn't be here. One of the best ways to deal with an issue is to confront it head on and handle it with humour; this shows your intelligence and wit. Some ways you could do this are to incorporate your conrns about your height into your headline. "I miss platform shoes" or "I'll provide the stepladder" or even "Short on stature, long on charm" - and then follow it up early in your About Me with a comment that you bring it up because some people care, but it isn't an issue to you. That way it's out there, it's handled, and it's dismissed as the unimportant thing it truly is... all in a 'classy' way. Pics: - Not good. 3 of your pics are against POF rules (truck x 2, bike) because you're not in them. You're not smiling in your main, and it's taken in a basement against a very dated wall. Pics with sunglasses are bad because they hide your eyes. The only one I'd keep is you on the bike, and I'd crop it in tighter and use it in the gallery. You need a good, smiling profile pic taken outside; imagine yourself in the place of that truck, because the lighting there is great. Crop it to head-and-shoulders. And then add some more pics of yourself doing things because it's nice to know that people have a life. Interests: - The list is a bit masculine (remember, you're looking for a female here) but not awful. Take out 'cleaning my SUV' because (I hope) that's not really an interest. Add another half-dozen things; I'm getting that you like computers or technology, maybe engine repair? There has to be more to you. About Me: - This whole section needs a re-write; it looks like you sat down, typed it all out, and pasted it up without re-reading, editing, or spellchecking. - You tell us TWICE that you just moved back to Butler. - The first paragraph is all about your job, not about you. We already know your profession from the data above, but You Are Not Your Job. This is space to talk about yourself. - You Are Also Not Where You Have Lived. That takes out most of the second paragraph. - "I am trying this site in hopes to make new friends to hang out or possibly form a relationship... " This is why we are all here, so it doesn't need saying. Remove it. - "i am a spare of the moment person " should be 'spur of the moment' and capitalize the 'I'. - "that about sums it up i think... hit me up with your questions or comments i would love to hear them." Weak ending. When you have summed yourself up, just stop writing, don't tell people you're done. And we know you're open to contact, again, because you're here; asking for it sounds desperate. Basically, remove everything up to "I am a spur of the moment person" as it doesn't help, and then work on the rest. A good, simple format is to write three paragraphs: one about who you are (not your job or your locations, but you as a person - your beliefs, hopes, attitude, mindset, etc.), one about your hobbies and interests (pick one or two, and write something specific about them in how you like to engage in them) and one about the kind of person you're looking for (again, their beliefs, hopes, interests, etc.) First Date: - I love the specificity of naming a place you'd like to go; it's simple, but it makes it very concrete. Unfortunately, you then wander off into a lecture about 'intelligent conversation' and cutting down the women in your area... not good. Delete everything but the first sentence, or at the VERY least, find a way to move it up into the About Me section and work it in there somehow. Doing this leaves you pretty skinny in this spot, so I would expand a little on why you like Cranberry's (food? service? atmosphere? music? good memories?) because that would give more insight into what sort of person you are. And closing with the same advice I give everyone: there is a Profile Writing Tips thread pinned to the top of this forum (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx). It contains a lot of good advice on how to present yourself in the best possible light. There's a lot of good advice there, and it's worth reading through and considering how it applies to you. (As a service engineer, I'm sure that you well understand the importance of RTFM, and this is the only FM we have on hand to offer people! :D ) Best of luck with your search!

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Pics are acceptable, profile is what's killing you. Posted: 9/7/2008 9:26:13 AM
I am usually asked to send more pics through my e-mail address and this is usually from guys who have blurry pics that they took of themselves in front of their PC. General hint on this: read/delete. People have a right to feel safe before proceeding off the easily-blockable messaging contact form of a site like this. Anyone who asks for more pictures and an email address as an opening salvo probably doesn't get this, and probably won't no matter how many times you explain it. Move on and ignore them, unless you're prepared to be their mother or spend countless hours trying to explain your needs to someone who doesn't care. Now if you have already exchanged a number of messages and someone asks to take it to email, that's different. They're asking if you want to move to another level, if you trust them yet. And, honestly, the messaging interface at POF isn't the best, and many people enjoy getting off it ASAP. Having answered the abstract questions, here's some specifics on your profile. OVERALL: everything about this profile screams that you are bitter and resentful, still have issues to work through, don't think the process is going to work and don't hold out much hope. Genuine people who fit your criteria aren't going to be intrigued by the challenge, they're going to look for someone more positive. People who don't actually READ your profile are going to send you messages like the one above. The biggest category you're going to pull in with this puppy is players, or people who enjoy trying to take advantage of people; they may pretend to be what you want long enough to get what THEY want, but they aren't in it for the long-term. I'll explain what I mean. Username: - A challenge and a put down right off the bat. Not sure if it's directed at me or at you, but either way it makes me wary before I do anything else. Headline: - "Still out there..." yeah, people love picking up things that are 'still out there'. This headline puts you in the same category as outdated meat, weeks-old produce, and dented tins... not something you want. Pics: - You have three decent gallery shots, but no good main. For a main you want something close-cropped at the head-and-shoulders level, ideally taken outside with a smile. Anything else makes for teeny tiny stick unrecognizeable stick figures on the thumbnail. Your three gallery shots should be cropped better to remove the background: I can barely see you in the waterskiing one, and the board on the right is the prime focus in the hut. Lastly, add more pictures. These are good, but there are eight slots and no reason not to use them. (Oh, and captions are good, even simple explanatory ones.) Interests: - Nice list. I'd trim down the GATORS one into "football, gators, sports in general" and the last one to "being active" just because this is not the place to write an essay. Also, if you have any cerebral hobbies at all, list one or two; everything here is physical. Overall, though, you sound like an active, interesting, outgoing person. But then I read down and get to the next section... About Me: - And this is where things hit a wall, and I (personally) would hit the 'next' button. Some of the problems are formatting (you have a solid block of text with no paragraph breaks anywhere) but most of it is tone/attitude. I read this little banner of negativity and it seems like you are working out all the issues from your last relationship in this little text box, which says to me to stay away. Again, I'll show you what I mean. Friends tell me that I'm too picky. Well, I say I wasn't picky enough. - Yeah, talking about how your friends dis you, and how you screwed up your last choice is a great opening line. If you can't tell; I do think that its hopeless, but I'm still shifting through the crap. All I know is that it shouldn't be this hard to find a good person, but we are dealing with leftovers; aren't we? - And a strong finish too, insulting everyone who reads it and might potentially be interested 'crap' and 'leftovers'. Why, with this attitude, would anyone write to you? Who is fit (has good cholesterol and blood pressure)and witty (can handle my sense of humor). I am looking for a guy that is comparable in looks. Someone who is active and doesn't just ride the couch. - You're seriously putting in a BP/cholesterol requirement on your profile? And using yourself as the benchmark for good looks? These scream 'shallow individual lives here'. I'm looking for Mr. Wonderful. ... Basically, what anyone would want to have. - And there's the problem. You want what everyone wants, but you don't give a single reason why you deserve it! This whole 'About Me' section is really a laundry list of what you want, and nothing else. I don't know a single thing more about you now than I did when I started, except the things I intuited on my own... and those intuited things are neither very pleasant nor in your favour. I'm going to skip the first date part because it's not going to apply with this profile. I'll go straight to the final piece of advice: read the Profile Writing Tips thread that is pinned to the top of this forum (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx) and carefully consider every piece of advice offered. Some of the ones (removing negativity, for instance) are screaming out to you for attention. Good luck with your search. If you decide to stick to this profile, I fear that you will need it, but if you decide to work on it and would like opinions on any changes then feel free to come back.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Here's what I see Posted: 8/2/2008 4:29:09 PM
To me, first two problems are in your main profile pic: - You're not looking at the camera. That's always perceived as shifty. - You've got your shirt open showing off your hairy-ish chest and a bit of a gut. This comes across as sleazy. You don't have any other pictures to counterbalance these perceptions, so people looking at your profile for the first time will probably stop right there. If they DO go past that, they hit the wall of text in your About Me - no paragraphs (created by hitting the 'enter' key) makes for difficult reading. That's what I see at a glance. If I were a 20 year-old woman and you messaged me, I probably wouldn't write you back either.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Review my profile please!!!! i appreciate it. Posted: 8/2/2008 4:22:07 PM
Hi Danny. Here's some real quick advice: - You have uploaded the same picture twice - Crop the main pic so we can actually see your face in the thumbnail; better yet, upload a closeup head shot. - Put something in the 'profession' field. - Lose the emoticons. - Add some carriage returns to break up the text in the About Me into paragraphs Also, read the Profile Writing Tips (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx) and absorb the good information there, then re-write your profile with all of it in mind. When you're done, if you'd like second opinions, come back and bump this thread. Good luck to you!

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

I don't fully understand. Posted: 8/2/2008 4:15:34 PM
There are two stickied threads at the top of this forum: the one you want is the Profile Writing Tips (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx). If you have already read through that and still don't know what to do, then there's not much we can do to help you. People here are willing to contribute their time to give you feedback, but we don't actually write it for you. Well, some might; I think I remember hearing Deuce Light saying he'd do it for $140/hour. Not sure if he was serious or not, but it's definitely not something you'd get someone else to do for free. After all, if you can't be bothered to write, why should we be bothered to assist?

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

I can be objectionable... (or is that not what he said?) Posted: 8/1/2008 11:49:49 PM
Shende, you need your own profile review thread; you can't hijack someone else's.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

I can be objectionable... (or is that not what he said?) Posted: 8/1/2008 10:15:38 PM
Hey there SD. I hate to be so agreeable in a case like this, but there are definitely more than a few edges that need knocking off. I'll share a secret with you -- pretty much everyone hates writing these things. It's one of those 'necessary evils', though, like laundry or dishes; if you want to smell good or eat off clean plates or attract the opposite sex, you need to get it done, and do a decent job of it. Might as well do it well. Go check out the Profile Writing Tips thread (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx) -- there is much information there on not only what is good to do, but why it is a good idea as well. Knowing that sometimes helps to flesh out what you're going for. Specific things I see that need work in your case: Username: - How are you SomethingDifferent? It's a pretty bold name that needs some backup, and you don't provide any in your profile. Headline: - Fercryinoutloud man, get one! Something, anything, is better than a blank! If you're really stuck, wait until after reading the Tips thread for some ideas, but don't walk around half-naked. On the search page, there are four things people see: Username, main pic, headline, and first few lines of your profile. Skipping one of them is like fighting with one foot encased in cement. Data: - Put your city in; it helps with searches, and makes it look like you're less of a putz trying to sound flip and cavalier. If you really aren't anywhere, then give compass references and approximate directions to a nearby geographical marker so people know if they're anywhere near you or not. - Are you really a gourmet cook? If so, then dayum, that's a sexy profession for a guy. Work with that, and work it in somehow. You've got a guaranteed conversation starter, and an automatic interest for 90% of the ladies out there; I'm generalizing, I know, but women like guys who know their way around a kitchen. I'd suggest putting it in your headline somehow, if it's real. Pics: - The one of you isn't bad, but it's not a great main. Tips thread explains what a good main is. The one of the kids is cute, but crop it closer; they look like ants on the thumbnail. And get more pics - you can have up to 8, so fill your profile the gallery with images of you! Interests: Get more. 12-20 is a good range. These are immediate short hooks into someone's persona: "weightlifting, pro wrestling and dog training" is going to be perceived very differently than "cooking, power walking, learning spanish", right? They are conversation starters too, and provide good things for people to write about. Also, few interests make you look boring, which is not a good thing. About Me: Some good stuff here, but some real deal-breakers too. - You start off with your kids, then mention them again later too, and even acknowledge that you're mentioning them again. This is not a conversation: you can edit what's here and do-overs are fine. Talk about you first, then bring your kids up in the second paragraph. - You're all over the map on what you want, sending really mixed signals. You spend about 25% of your profile waffling about this. Either drop it and let the "Looking for: Dating" do the talking (after all, you chose that and not IE or Hang Out, or Long Term), or mention it once and then drop it. - Drop the last line, begging for emails. - Good that you describe who you're looking for; lots of people don't. Take the 'passionate' sentence and move it first, and then find a way to put a more positive spin on that 'important that you listen' characteristic because right now it sounds like a bit of a harangue -- my ex never listened, and I hated that, so you'd better. First Date: Drop the 'nots' from the list - remember, stay positive. Pick one idea, like the 'hike to a waterfall' (if that is really something you might do) and expand it. Remember, we're discussing a first date here -- the first meet over coffee is pretty much a given. If you get past that, THEN what do you do? That's what this box is about, and you've got license to be creative and interesting here. I hope all that helps. If it did, and if you do re-work the profile, feel free to come on back and bump the thread to ask people to look at the new and improved version. Good luck to you!

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

What am I doing wrong? Posted: 8/1/2008 9:50:17 PM
Agreement with both posters above me: 1) You do need to read the Profile Writing Tips thread. It has much good advice. Here is a direct link to make it easier for you: http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx 2) Why do women think that all they have to do is put up a profile and wait? There's absolutely nothing wrong with sending the first message. Listen to the libra lady and start doing some of your own legwork. Here's some specifics on things that caught my eye that are not serving you well with your current profile: - Headline is definitely a problem. "Looking for a kind, honest man" contains at least three words that shouldn't be in headlines, and also will do more to chase those sorts of men away than bring them in. - Main pic is B&W, and you look completely disinterested in it. Pic #2, with its devilish grin, is a much better main, but maybe try and crop it so it's square so that the POF site doesn't expand it horizontally. You also look rather sad/bored/disaffected in the other two pics, so three of your four pictures show you as a sad sack. - You have no profession listed. - Your profile is only seven sentences long. The first two sentences are contradictory (intentionally so, but still) and at the end you tip towards the negative end of things ("...then don't waste your time or mine") - Your first date doesn't really say anything at all about you, or what you think a good first date would be. Those are my thoughts on first glance; not very positive, I know, but you asked what was wrong and I'd be lying if I told you it was all wonderful. Read the tips thread, add some more text and fill out some of the holes, then come back and ask again if we can give you a hand, if you're so inclined. (Bump this thread, though, don't make a new one.) Good luck to you!

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Be proud, be confident, be bold! Posted: 8/1/2008 9:29:42 PM
Hi Mom! First piece of advice I'll give you is the same one I give most everyone: there is a thread called Profile Writing Tips stickied at the top of this forum. (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx) It is a good idea to read that for good generic advice on what works and what doesn't when writing a profile. Having said that, here's some specifics on what you've got right now. Username: The image of a 'soccer mom' is not one that usually drives guys wild, and what does the 98 signify? We get that you're a mom, and that your kids are important to you, but don't let the fact that you have them be your defining characteristic or how you name yourself - especially on a dating site. Headline: Contains the dreaded word 'Looking'. Everyone here is looking, so this says little that is unique. You need something that is going to grab peoples attention and say, "Hey, there's someone I want to click on!" Pictures: Only one... and it's a group shot. I assume that you are on the right, but with no caption I have to guess. For your main you should have a you-only shot, preferably of your face. There's nothing wrong with that shot as one of the ones in the gallery -- and in fact, your gallery should be full of more pictures of you -- but it's not your best opener. Interests: Not bad, as far as they go, but they don't go far enough. Only five things in the world interest you? Come on, there must be more to you than that. These are the things that people can use as hooks when they write to you, or which grab them and say, "Hey, I'm interested in that too!". You need 12-20 of these suckers. About Me: - I like your first two sentences - very evocative. The third one ("I am looking for...") should be saved for later in the profile. - Your second paragraph is a bit of a regurgitation of your interests - not awful because you do paint a nice picture about why you like some of them, but it's only about what you like to do and not about you as a person. - Asking people to send you an email seldom works. It comes across as needy, and slightly condescending... people should already get that they should send you an email if they like you. If they can't even figure that much out, who needs'em? - Basically, there's not much in here that's about you. We need some adjectives; what sort of person are you? Disorganized, artistic, religious, passionate, musical, meticulous, easily distracted, silly? Give us some adjectives about yourself, but don't use intelligent, loyal, funny -- those are called 'assumed givens' that everyone would say. - Similarly, there's nothing here about the kind of guy you'd like to find. We need some adjectives describing him too so that when he reads your profile he says, "Hey, she's looking for a guy just like me!" and he has an incentive to mail you, knowing that he's already ahead of the curve. Again, stay away from the 'assumed givens' when describing him. First Date: What you're describing is the first meet. Assuming that you like the guy enough to see him again, what sort of thing would you consider a fun outing? Again, this is a place where your personality comes through. I see a lot of promise and ability in what you have; you just need more of a framework and an expansion. Be proud, be confident, be bold! And do go read that Profile Writing Tips thread; lots of smart people hav written a lot of wise (and funny) stuff there that's worth picking through. Good luck!

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Just seeking some advice on my profile from ladies mostly but guys welcome to comment if you want! Posted: 7/31/2008 11:01:46 AM
With the post: 1) No polarizing threads. You're not allowed to ask 'only ladies' to comment. See the POF forum rules for full explanation. With the profile: 1) No pictures. Did you not see all the suggestions everywhere that profiles with pics get a lot more attention? 2) No line breaks in your writing. This creates a Wall Of Text that is almost impossible to read. I see that you do the same thing in your forum posts, but a profile is not a text message: you don't write it once and fire it off. It is an essay about yourself that you should write, read, edit, re-write, polish, and update. Like m'good buddy OFMM said above me, you need to go to the Profile Writing Tips thread (here's a direct link: http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx) and read the advice they have to offer, then work from that before you come and ask for specific help. Good luck! Come on back when you're ready for round two!

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Oooh! I do, I do! Pick me! Posted: 7/31/2008 10:42:54 AM
G'day, Spam! That's actually my first question... did you mean to say 'spamanti' or were you going for 'spumanti' - a sparkling type of wine? There's nothing on your profile that indicates either one is more valid than the other, which is a bad thing; your username should say something about you. Hobbies, personality, interests, even geographic location and birthdate. Anything. Heading on to the rest of the profile... Headline: - "New to the Area" doesn't suck, and certainly outranks anything with the words looking for/searching for/want to find/etc. in it, but it also doesn't say that much. By all means use it for now, but in a couple of months when you're NOT new to the area any more (which, to me, comes within 3-4 months of moving) then you'll want to come up with something more personal and eye-catching. Pictures: - Profile pic is a nice closeup, but it's pretty obvious that you've cropped a woman -- possibly the ex? -- out of the right-hand side. - Pic #2 is a nice shot of your TV and fireplace, but why would... oh, there you are over on the left! Do yourself a solid by getting a strong main pic - natural light, head or head-and-shoulders, smiling, casual - and fill your gallery with other pictures and poses. Interests: - Can't say much because the goat ate your Interests section. This is not something you want to ignore, because this is how people figure out what to talk to you about if you write to them. You want 12-20 of these, and make sure that they are all hotlinked, and that they are actual interests: - Skidyving, model trains, physics, cycling, cooking, your favourite sports team, 13th-century Japanese erotic art, xbox... these are interests. - Love, fun, laughing, 'you', 'lots of things' 'hanging out' ... are not. - 'movies', 'television' - these are so generic as to be meaningless. May as well put 'breathing' and 'sleeping' while you're at it. About Me: As far as for me, - this is unnecessary verbiage that adds nothing. I believe that I have a great sense of humor. I enjoy making people laugh and laughing with them. I am very loyal and everything I do I really give it my all (mostly for good though) - Honest question: do you know of anyone who could not say these exact same things? Because if what you're saying is exactly the same as what 90% of the other people on the site are saying, then there's nothing to differentiate you from anyone else. Combine that with 'no interests' and you've got one generic profile here so far, my friend. There are so many things to list and it's hard when you have to just list things about yourself - Yes, it is hard... not just for you, but for everyone who has to do this. And you just completely copped out. The message there is that you are the kind of person who quits when things are difficult. Are you? Is that what you want to say? If so, then leave this in and don't change a thing. If not, though, then you might want to, y'know, put some effort into the process. ...so if you have a question just ask. - Again, I ask you... why should she? Look at this from someone else's perspective: what is there about this profile that says, "Gee, what an interesting, fascinating person that I just have to know more about! Let me ask him all about his ... hrm, no interests. What should I ask him about? Maybe I'll just ask him to tell me more about himself." Oh wait, that's the entire purpose of a profile! (huge quote by Chuck Swindoll) - Doesn't belong here. You have used more words from him than you have of your own, and said nothing that can't be found in a book of inspirational quotes. Furthermore, and ironically, you've got a quote about the importance of attitude where every part of this profile displays the attitude of 'I can't be bothered!' First Date: I like to do the non-stereotypical date things. Something more interesting than the usual. I can think of something good!! - Excellent! I'm glad to hear that you can! But it's not just enough to tell us that you're capable of doing it .. you need to actually demonstrate that skill and write a potential first date. What do you consider interesting and non-stereotypical? We're not mind-readers, and neither is she, so you have to tell us. I've pretty much just ripped it all apart, I know... but I'm sorry Spam, there wasn't much to save. You really need to put in some actual work on the assignment, and do some research on how to accomplish it properly. The best place (locally) to start is to read through the Profile Writing Tips thread, which is stickied at the top of this page. It has much excellent information on what makes for a good profile, and why these things work. Start there, make a profile, and then bump this thread and ask us to critique it again. We're happy to help you along the process, but we can't do the actual writing for you. Good luck!

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Profile & Picture Review Please Posted: 7/27/2008 10:14:13 AM
General Guidante tip #1: much of the information you seek has already been written before, and has been collected into a thread called Profile Writing Tips. It is stickied at the top of this forum, but here is a direct link: http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx Here is some specific feedback to munch on as you read through that. Username: Why 'duke'? Why '2010'? Do these have any significance to you? You never describe it, so it looks very generic, very throw-together... very forgettable. Headline: Begging people (even politely) to view you is never good, and whiffs of desperation. If you have grammatical mistakes in it (you're, not 'your') that makes it even worse. The idea is to have something interesting here that relates to you, and will make them WANT to read further. This doesn't. Pics: - Pic #1 is okay for a gallery shot. For a profile pic, we really need a good close-up. - Pic #2 has waaaay too much scenery. Crop a nice square out of that and re-upload. Interests: - a bit scant with only 4. A good range is 12-20. About Me: - Read the thread above, then come back and see if you can do some more work on this. It isn't awful, but it needs some work, and my morning has gotten away from me so I don't have time. I will say these things: 1) spell-check. 2) Lose the last line. First Date: - "I'm sure we'll come up with something!" - no, that's your job, to come up with something right here right now, and put it on your profile. Of course you'll be pleasant and accommodating when you have a flesh-and-blood person to work with, but this is theory-land. Tell us what you would do if it were up to you, and how charming and interesting you would make things. Don't go overboard (e.g. 'fly you to paris') but do be specific ('Take you to Lou's Deli for the best pastrami sandwich in Oakville'). Paint a picture with words for her. That's it for now. Good luck!

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

I think you meant 'tweaking'. Posted: 7/25/2008 8:40:11 PM
Heya Pilotguy. some quick thoughts for you on scanning through. First thought: you really need some better pictures. - Good on ya for having a whole gallery, sorry to have to stomp all over them. - Your smile in #1 and #2 looks really forced, and the colour of the setting sun makes your face look red. I was getting a love-child-of-Tony-Robbins-and-an-Oompa-Loompa feel from both of those, which is not a good feeling to get. - The 'relaxing', 'airport' and 'while flying' ones are all really dark and don't show much. - The one of your plane is against the POF Terms of Service - all pictures must contain a recognizeable representation of you somewhere in the picture. - Good interest list. Nice and varied. I would take out 'Candle light dinners' though as it sounds sort of schmaltzy, like you just put it in there to for the estrogen crowd. This is supposed to be who you really are. - About Me should contain a paragraph about the sort of woman you're looking for. There's one or two words about her scattered here and there, but you need to tie them altogether in a string of sentences. She needs to know that you are talking to her when she reads this. First Date also needs work. In fact, you don't really have one, so that should be fixed pronto. This is your last chance to make a good impression on a woman, and it's important to end strong. Pick an actual idea and expand on it here; get creative (no 'let's go for coffee') and be specific. Describe it in detail and paint a picture that she will want to insert herself into. And I'll end with the standard advice I give everyone: read the Profile Writing Tips stickied at the top of this forum, (Edit: which I see MizQ linked you to directly) just the same way you'd read an aviation instruction manual. They tell you how to accomplish the task, and in many cases explain the logic behind things. Good luck to you!

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Having at it! Posted: 7/25/2008 8:29:38 PM
Hiya cuddlebug! I stuck my hand into the jar and pulled out your name for the Full Treatment tonight, so hang on to your hat! Username:Is the 01540 part a zip code? Being Canadian, I'm not sure. If so, I would say that you can drop it as you are already identified geographically in the data section. If not, then it sort of looks like an email. Either way, it doesn't really add much. Not a killer, just something to think about. Headline: 'Looking for' (or any of its synonyms - searching, wanting, seeking out, etc.) is not usually a good thing to have in a headline. We're all looking for something, or else we wouldn't be here. (Even those who are just here for the forums are looking for good conversation.) And your headline doesn't even say what you're looking for! Change this to something that reflects you and who you are, or draws people into your profile with a 'what does that mean?' sort of interest. Pictures: - You've got three, which is better than one, but there's room for eight. The more you can get up here, the better. - Your main profile pic looks awful in thumbnail; you are far too distant. - I like the smile you have in the Mount Monadnock picture - very natural, and good lighting. I'd suggest cropping that down to your head and shoulders (keep it square, because otherwise POF will stretch it) and using that as your main for a sure winner. - Did I mention already to add more pictures? I did? Alright, good... just checking. Interests: ... nothing to say here, because you don't have any! We've had a goat running around lose in these parts, and it looks like he got into your profile and ate your Interest list. Find him and wrestle it back from him, because this section is important; it's what gives quality guys an idea of what to say in a first contact letter, and also helps you to turn up in searches for similar interests. Ideally, you want to have a range of 12-20 of these for a dating profile. About Me: "I am a 34 and I live in Charlton, Ma." - this is redundant information, already stated in the 'Data' part. Delete. "I work in real estate management." - Then put this as your profession, and delete it from the About Me section. "ok i added the dancing bananna just cause it is so f ing cute" - No. No he's not. Emoticons have a place, but smack in the middle of your profile is not one of them. They are distracting and juvenile; if you like him that much, include him in some of your initial contact letters, but for the love of all that's holy get him off your profile! That doesn't leave you with much, I know... and there's definitely some work to do. For people who are having difficulty getting started, we recommend a standard three-paragraph approach: Paragraph #1 is about who you are as a person. Use at least two unique adjectives; don't, include funny, intelligent or sexy, as those are things that the reader gets to decide based on what you have written or on meeting you. Don't include honest or loyal, because even liars and cheats will claim these characteristics. Give us some specific adjectives about you or your personality that don't apply to everyone in the world, like: flippant, casual, impetuous, detailed, dramatic, meticulous, right-wing, etc. Paragraph #2 describes the activities and things you like to do, again with the idea of giving insight to your personality. Your wakeboarding story is a good one; keep and expand on that. Paragraph #3 talks about the guy you want to meet. Be detailed when describing him, so he knows you're talking to him specifically. Again, you're going to need some specific, unique adjectives to pin him down. Dirst Date: "Well that would depend on my dates likes and dislikes." - Of course it would, but there's no point in being wishy-washy about it! Delete this sentence and leave the last two. (If you were a guy, I'd suggest that you expand further, but things still aren't fair in this regard so what you have is sufficient.) Overall comments: - Do make sure to do a spell-check and grammar-check. There's no due date on this, and no reason to rush; the more quality you display, the better quality you'll receive. - Do be sure to check out the Profile Writing Tips thread (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx) for a lot of other good advice. - If you do a lot of work and would like a second look, don't be scared to bump this thread and ask for more opinions. I hope this helps. Good luck to you!

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Here's what it says to me. Your mileage may vary. Posted: 7/24/2008 6:11:05 PM
Hmmm no one wants to help?? Msg 1 - Posted: 7/24/2008 5: 40 :59 PM Msg 2 - Posted: 7/24/2008 5: 47 :47 PM You waited a whole six minutes and 48 seconds before thinking that you deserved a response. This speaks to me of entitlement issues. And now I see a third message: Posted: 7/24/2008 6:03:01 PM Wow you guys are a lot of help!! This speaks again of the entitlement, but also of ingratitude. Apparently, people aren't fulfilling your needs fast enough, so we must all be worthless. Nonetheless, here is my response. You asked what your profile really says about you, so here are my answers. Your profile name is 'classynhot'. In my experience, people who call themselves classy are usually deceiving themselves; true class does not need to draw attention to itself. Furthermore, by having 'hot' in your username and referencing how 'attractive' you are in your profile, you make yourself seem fairly looks-oriented. The fact that your age on POF is 39, but your profile says that you are 41 tells me that you do not notice details (there is a two-week window on signing up where people can change their age if they enter it wrong, after that it is locked), and/or that details like this don't matter to you (because if they did you'd delete this profile and re-make one that is identical except for having with accurate chronological information). There is little imagination or creativity in the About Me section - pretty much every phrase there could be plucked from any of 50-500 other profiles. The First Date section ("I would like you to suprise me, wow me, sweep me off my feet!") again speaks to the sense of entitlement. The world, specifically taking the form of whatever guy wants to woo you, owes you big time and you aim to collect! Not exactly gentle, I know, but these are the things that your profile tells me about you. They probably aren't the image that you want to convey; if that's the case, then you should probably look at the Profile Writing Tips thread (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx) to read much good advice on how to write a solid profile. Good luck to you!

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Any constructive suggestions? Posted: 7/24/2008 4:50:27 PM
If you want to have the 'want children' discussion with someone in provate, then I suggest 'undecided/open' for the answer. What you have sounds like you know what the answer is, but you're afraid to share it. For 'has kids', though, there's really not much wiggle room. It's a boolean thing: either you have kids, or you don't. You don't have to discuss them, or make them part of your profile, but any time you put PNTS in your profile, people will generally assume that your answer is the worst possible one for them. Overall, I like all the words in your profile; I think that they paint a very good picture of you and show that you are a very verbal and communicative person. I think that they could flow a little better, but without dissecting it and laying it all back down again it would be difficult to explain how. (I don't really like re-writing someone's profile in a review - contact me if you'd like more explanation, though.) Can't believe I forgot to give you the standard advice, though - go and read the Profile Writing Tips thread. (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx) As someone who likes to read, you'll recognize the importance of good instructions and probably get quite a lot out of it -- possibly enough that you won't need us any more. :-) Good luck to you.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

I'll huff, and I'll puff... Posted: 7/24/2008 4:40:19 PM
Skip, Skip, Skip... this is your 'updated and remodeled' version? Really? - You're looking for 'Hang Out' when you're 60. - You're in Iraq. (Nothing inherently wrong with that, but probably not a lot of POF action there.) - You refuse to say what your career is. - You prefer not to say if you smoke. - You prefer not to say if you drink. - You prefer not to say if you do drugs. - Your interests make little sense, and aren't really 'interests' in the classic sense of the word. - Your 'song' is "Why can't we live together" - You spend 3/5 of your About Me space explaining the aforementioned Prefer Not To Say entries - 1/5 of the remaining space is devoted to a joke about 'chemistry' and informing us that your screen name is a pseudonym - Your First Date idea is seven words long. Skip, you have come in, shown us two pieces of lumber that you have nailed together (crookedly), told us it's your house, and asked us for opinions on how to decorate it. I'm sorry, but there's not much we can do until you give us an actual profile to work with. You need, really need, to read the Profile Writing Tips thread. (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx) Good luck to you.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Thoughts on my profile please?? Posted: 7/24/2008 2:33:18 PM
women can respect a man who is honest about it. They can ... but it seems that on this particular site they don't. Well, not much anyway. See, Kurt, this is a dating site. Look up there in the banner of every page? See what it says? "Free Dating Site" -- that's your first clue. Sure, the site allows for categories like 'friends' and 'hang out' and 'Intimate Encounters' and 'activity partner' ... but for the most part, people are here to find, y'know, dates. If you're out to find people who would like to play NSA hide-the-pickle games with a hard-bodied 22 year old guy then POF is probably not going to have a very high work-to-reward ratio for you. There are quite a number of other sites where you'll be a lot more successful trying to carve that specific niche. So to speak.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Opinions and constructive thoughts? Posted: 7/24/2008 2:26:24 PM
OP = you, the Original Poster Some of the things he's talking about: "How do I set myself apart from the rest of the pack? How about complete honesty?" - everyone is going to say that they're honest, so you doing it too doesn't differentiate you in any way. My overall thoughts are that it's very long, and contains too much information -- especially the blog-like entries at the end. This is a profile, not a diary. There are also quite a number of spelling and grammatical errors ("dinner wear" when you meant "dinner, where", "add for my horse" instead of "ad for my horse") that need to be corrected. Best general advice at this point: read the Profile Writing Tips thread, which is stickied at the top of this forum. Much good, general advice there on how to write a profile and make it interesting/memorable. It's a good place to start. (Oh, and pictures containing only your dog or a picture of a house are unacceptable to the POF Terms of Service. All pictures must contain a recognizeable version of you. If you don't like it, don't complain to me - I didn't make the rules, I'm just telling you about them.)

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Any constructive suggestions? Posted: 7/24/2008 12:57:42 PM
Just some quick thoughts on red flags while I'm waiting for a compile: - I happen to remember from scouting (and from growing up near an ocean) that a 'neap tide' is when tide is at its lowest. Two inherent questions arise: 1) How many guys do you think are going to 'get it', and of those who do, 2) How many are going to want to go with someone who is at their lowest ebb? - You don't have a good profile pic. Only two of your five photos (the two with you in them) are even legal according to the site's TOS - the rest are in danger of deletion if reported. One of those two has you making a funny face, and the other has a kid in the foreground with you in the background. I know it has been said before, but Good Pics Really Help. - There are all sorts of contradictions and ambiguities in your profile that would cause me to think twice about contacting the person behind it. - "Neap tide" is when the tide is low, not the tide is high (as your headline says) - Kids - prefer not to say, but there's one in your main picture - Weight: Few Extra, but your writeup says "I am small and cute" - Prefer Not To Say for 'do you want kids' when you're already 46 (This question is usually taken to mean 'do you want to have more biological kids' - Prefer Not To Say in general is never a good thing, especially in regards to kids. - Your headline is a lyric from a cheesy 80s song, and has nothing to do with you personally. I think you have the makings of a good profile, and the solid foundation of being a worthwhile human being behind it, but there are definitely some things that are getting in your way. I'm sure my fellow reviewers will be by to help you with other aspects. ^^^ Speaking of the goat, he ate your First Date section too. Wrestle that back from him and get it filled out. [edit]Looked up 'neap tide' to see if I was remembering it right... I guess not. (neap tide = moderation in tides: high tides are lower than average, low tides are higher than average. Spring tide = time of excesses - higher high tides, lower low tides.) I guess That's what happens when you live in a landlocked province for 30 years...

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Mostly good, except... Posted: 7/24/2008 12:43:32 PM
From my experience i've found it best not to be too fixated on a type. I am a big believer in not judging a book by its cover and truly believe you don't know someone till the sht hits the fan so whats the point in focusing on a 'type'. I just want someone with somewhere near the same qualities, standards, principles and interests. Who i fancy and who is a decent person. Couldn't agree more. If you check my own profile for my own description of 'who she is', you'll notice that there isn't a single physical characteristic there. (I present my profile only because some longstanding reviewers whose opinions I generally value quite highly have said that I did a good job describing her, so it might help you see what I mean.) My point in my comments was that you had some good stuff about her, but only some, and I felt that you could use a bit more. In fact, much of what you wrote right here would be good material to add, if massaged properly. My comments about the First Date stand, though, especially* in light of the revelations. Anyone looking you up now for the first time will only see what is there currently, not all the old revisions (where the joke might have worked). As it stands, it falls flat and looks like you're not trying... which is a bad step to leave them on considering that the rest of the profile is pretty good.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

Legal and Acceptable are not the same thing. Posted: 7/24/2008 11:41:56 AM
Question: Is a pic of me in long camo shorts & baseball cap, but no shirt, acceptable here? Does it break any rules? No, not as far as I'm aware. Is it 'acceptable'? Well, everyone will have a different opinion on 'shirtless guy' pics. For my personal favourite take, go to the Profile Writing Tips thread (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx) and read Message 12, by SubSonicBoom.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Time for a rewrite? Posted: 7/24/2008 11:35:07 AM
Clueless, you already have one profile review thread open. http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts8621718.aspx The rules of this forum are 'one thread per person'. Please bump your original thread if you would like further advice.

Bookrat

Joined: 4/18/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Mostly good, except... Posted: 7/24/2008 11:30:56 AM
Looks decent to me, overall. - Decent username - Great headline that ties in with it - Decent list of interests - Pics you have are good. As Silver Calla said, get yourself some more pics. The two areas that still need work are: 1) Not much About Her in there. You've got some, which is good, but a little more would be helpful. 2) First date. Seriously, five words is the best you can do? It's a wonderful idea, filled with potential... but you present it to your reader like a cat presents a dead mouse. You know that the cat is trying to give you something special, and wants you to share in its accomplishments... but in the end, it's still a dead mouse. If nothing else, fix that first date. Give us more information - where is the orchard? Do you know the owner? Who is bringing the food, and if it's you what sorts of things do you plan to bring? Anything interesting to see on the drive? Those sorts of details paint a picture that will help make a woman want to join you on the activity. Be bold, finish strong!

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