No sparks should I try again? chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: No sparks should I try again?

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

No sparks should I try again? Posted: 11/23/2009 4:26:09 AM
After the date, he e-mailed me to say sorry but he felt no chemistry towards me. Listen to what he wrote/said and move on. Unless you're willing to take a hit in the self-esteem department again. IF HE regrets it later, then let HIM email YOU. Chasing after someone who's said no, male or female, in a waste of time. If he likes you let him decide. You trying to do it for him? Won't work.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 34 (view)

pee Posted: 11/23/2009 4:22:31 AM
I do however feel sorry for them, or more so for the next girl that he get with. Maybe I should call him back and tell him the real reason I ended it? No, I spent an hour cleaning it up he can find out on his own time I have wasted enough of mine. Sweetie...no offense...but seriously???? I am sure that the women before you didn't feel sorry for those coming after THEM. And hell yeah you should have told him BEFORE. Not now...but why on earth wouldn't you have been honest and said look, peeing in the side of my bedroom is crap and I can't deal with it? Better yet...why didn't you make his ass clean it up before??? There's nothing to feel bad about. Except the time you've wasted with 2 heavy drinkers. And had to clean up someone else's pee. You don't necessarily have to date a non-drinker because if you party, a non-drinker is not going to be interested. But if you and your date are drinking so much that's how you all end up...time to step back and rethink things.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 209 (view)

Oh, its to soon to have sex... yah, blah, blah, blaw Posted: 11/23/2009 4:15:51 AM
So if I’m some kind of an jerk for expecting sexual compatibility than kiss my as!! Haha… And I want to know before I make an emotional investment. Sexual compatibility is a must. Grow up! I think you've misunderstood a LOT of us Gary. You're assuming that a lot of women want a guy to wait months before sex. I don't get that from most of what I read...did you? I read that a lot of women won't just fk a guy first on the hopes that he thinks the sex is so great that he wants more. And that's simply because a lot of us who've done that have learned that ain't so. I can appreciate what you're saying...but when you wake up with a vagina and some guy is talking the talk you're talking...then decides that the sex was fab but you ain't...then come see me ok? I personally don't believe in making a man wait for sex for months. BUT...I've also done the "it feels good go with it" thing and ended up being burned. So to me, if a man has to wait a couple of dates to get laid and he can't, he obviously isn't for me anyway. If I* decide I'm going to give it up sooner than later, it will be because of sexual chemistry...but not because the guy thinks we should "get it out of the way already". I don't get all mushy and think great sex equals love. But I do know that the first time someone has sex it's usually not all that great--a lot of guys are so damn happy to be getting near the "fire" that they aren't always able to be their best. So if I went with that--slept with a guy first before deciding to date him...there would be a few men that I've dated then slept with who would have NEVER gotten a chance to date or sleep wtih me ever again. I'm not sure why you're so focused on that aspect of a relationship. Again, I'm trying to reconcile what you wrote here with your profile of wanting something longterm. It just seems if you go about finding a longterm relationship in this manner, you won't.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

bi man marrying women Posted: 11/23/2009 4:06:33 AM
No...sorry. I couldn't do it. As Silken has said it's hard enough if you're with someone and they decide to sleep with someone else...but trying to wrap my head around him with another man and me giving permission for that to happen...I don't think so. I know a lot of women who would...kudos to them. I won't say that they're desperate or anything like that. They're more open to the experience than I am and again, I applaud them. And believe me when I say I don't have any issues with someone's sexuality tsack. I just don't have the emotional strength to deal with that myself.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

pee Posted: 11/22/2009 7:25:24 PM
No MOST men do NOT have this problem unless they drink alcohol likeit's water... Advice? Stop drinking so much dude. That's the advice you give. Hurt feelings? Ummmm...his feelings SHOULD be hurt for peeing on my crap. Seriously? Exchange spots for a minute. If you got up and peed on their rug, do you think they'd have a moment's hesitation on tossing you out? Find guys who can either hold their liquor, or will spend the night at THEIR house so if they pee on something they can clean up their own mess. Whisky d**k...NOT attractive.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

Shake my tree Posted: 11/22/2009 7:18:03 PM
What exactly is the point of contacting someone it didnt work out with the first time around? Hmmm...let's see. The one who won't stop dry humping my cell phone every 6 months..."I'm not ready for a serious relationship but I can't seem to get you out of my head" sent a text at 12:45 Sat AM and then apparently called around 3 (I, like most mature ass people who've been busy all day, was sound asleep). I didn't call back or respond to his text because quite frankly, I asked myself what was the point? The last time I allowed him back, he acted like the ass he is. He's trying to keep a foot in the door but since the door won't open he's pretty much screwed. Oh he's almost 50 so the "our age" thing...pfffffffft. #2..."I want you back." Why? Because that's what HE wants. I broke up with him and he wasn't used to that. I decided that what I wanted was to not date him since he couldn't figure out how to be a grown up. After the last call of "Shane, come back Shane" I waited for the non-existent follow through...and he didn't fail me! Oh and better yet...this one? He's 63 yrs old. You'd think that a "man his age" would know how to act...NOT. Two of my finest examples of disappearing men. I don't want them to shake a damn thing. I don't even want them NEAR my tree to be honest with you...! Are they being jerks? I don't think intentionally. They're themselves. If that's jerk, well...I guess so. I honestly believe that men AND women who do the disappearing act do so because they honestly believe that your world revolves around them. You know, kind of like a Sun King from France thing, Louis IV. You'll remember how that worked out for him. Here's the thing OP. Those men can't "shake your tree" unless you let them. And they don't know how to shake it because if they did, they'd stick around to make sure that they were the ones who got to shake it. The next time Mr. Shake Your Tree starts poking around, pull the plug on it. You obviously aren't getting any ego boost and have realized that he just ain't worth it. His age means nothing--keep that always uppermost in your mind. If people would not say "you're too old to do _____________" and realize that some folks just never grow up, there'd be a lot less tree shaking allowed. If anyone should shake YOUR tree it's you sweetness. Make sure you shake them bad apples out of it once and for all!!!

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Asking-a-guy, about Dating over 45, & holiday expectations Posted: 11/22/2009 6:59:38 PM
Oh boy He's just retired, you're in school, he's in CA (don't know where you are), and he's got grown kid issues. Oh and let's add it's the holiday to the mix! I know that the first wham bang pow of a new relationship is exciting and exhilarating...BUT...this really is a new relationship and you honestly shouldn't put all of your hopes on this. It doesn't matter that you all have these intense phone convos sweetness...this is still very new, very fresh and the holidays are a hard time to try and work through who goes where/does what. I know you're disappointed...and hurt. But you also should always have a back up plan. You don't have to sit at home--you can go out with female friends and enjoy their company. Go dance, sing, have a drink, relax. And recognize that timing can be off and perhaps right now just isn't the right time. Be disappointed and sad but make plans for something else. What about Christmas or New Year's? Thanksgiving is just one of the holidays that you could spend with each other. Realize that if there's a will, there's a way. And if the 2 of you are supposed to be together...you will. But for now, be patient and make plans for another time. Sure you'll be busy when school starts back up--but you won't be so busy that you won't make time for him.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date Posted: 11/20/2009 5:18:53 AM
I saw something on TV where the guy said, when the check came "Let's team up on this one" Landra put it the best. Honestly, I'm not one of those types of women...I would rather pay than have to worry about the guy thinking I'm a gold digger. The last man I dated seriously did not want me to pay ever--his words were "I have a lot more money than you do so I'll pay" and even then, we STILL would have a discussion about it because it didn't feel right for me. She's ignorant and selfish. But if she's hot and makes you feel all gushy inside, by all means, keep paying.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

Love and being in love Posted: 11/20/2009 5:14:31 AM
Jesus She sounds like some men I've dated in the past OP. Opinion...she's "keeping her options open" and is going to sleep with you until she finds someone better, harder, younger, richer. Doesn't really matter if she's 54 and never married or 54 and married/divorced 5 times. She's just not that into YOU and you need to find someone who is.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 102 (view)

Oh, its to soon to have sex... yah, blah, blah, blaw Posted: 11/20/2009 5:02:54 AM
I'm trying to reconcile the **** hound who started this thread with the man who has this in his profile...and wants long term... I think trust, respect, compromise, and honest communication are the keys to a relationship. I will always let you walk in front of, or beside, me and I will make sure the right woman never has to question her place in my life for even a second. She would be a partner and I will usually place her needs before mine. You have this lovely profile saying all the right things that some women would love to hear yet here you are, whining about getting laid THEN wanting to date a woman. Which lie is it? And don't give me that whole I can be both guys...cause your ass is lying somewhere. I'm just wondering has this philosophy of shoot first, date later worked out for you? I can't imagine it have. I don't disagree with your basic premise of if you want sex, have sex. But I do disagree with you honestly thinking that have sex then date should actually be the protocol. Even the men who might agree realize that shit won't work. Gawd...the things that come out of people's mouths. But it just let's you know that they're not what you need...and that's probably a good thing!

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 92 (view)

honest answer... Posted: 11/19/2009 3:52:09 AM
I wish you nothing but the best. As I said before, if you're happy we're freaking delirious. But please, if things go wrong, do NOT come back posting about it. People will remind you of this thread.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

Should I hang in there Posted: 11/19/2009 3:50:42 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Motown cowgirl has the best response of this thread. Baby...there is no hanging in for someone who's pried your fingers from their arms and ran away. Time to move on...we all KNOW you want to make sure the man is healthy but he obviously is healthy enough to want someone else. Anytime someone says it's them...it IS them.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 78 (view)

honest answer... Posted: 11/17/2009 4:38:44 AM
I do feel more relaxed right now, marriage is not in my books at moment and ffs If one day this guy somehow tell me that he found someone better then me its not the end of the world, I will get over it and move on , not a rocket science ,but at moment we both like it the way it is Tareco...I'm going to tell you the same thing I told someone else... If you didn't have doubts, you wouldn't have asked. Stop defending your decision to stay in what you have. If it IS that perfect, then there wouldn't be a single doubt from you about this would there? If you're happy, I'm esctatic for you. But you can't get pissy when folks tell you THEIR opinions and you decide you don't like them (too close to the truth, too far, whatever). If he's what you want then you shouldn't have any problems telling him that and letting the chips fall where they may. You do and that's ok--but in the end, it's your issue. You SAY you'll be fine if he says he's doing someone else. From your moony first post with the eyes, I'd say you weren't being completely honest with yourself. But it's your lie, you get to live it anyway you want (and I did mean LIE, not life).

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

No-one likes him except me Posted: 11/17/2009 4:34:35 AM
Baby In this economy, US or Canada NO ONE just up and leaves a $30/hr job. Unless you've got big bank and since he's collecting the Canadian version of unemployment that answers that question. So when does lover man plan to get a job? Or is he making his way into your place--he's already getting into your heart and pants (sorry but...)--so he can have a place to stay? Start thinking again--think about it. NO ONE QUITS A GOOD JOB. NO ONE. He got fired or laid off but there's no way in hell he'd have quit and not have a cushion to fall back on. You need to ask a few questions--what happened back home, how long is he out West for, when does he plan to get a job, what are his goals? Start there...and see where it takes you. But you don't have to ask him if you truly don't want to know. All I will say is that if/when he moves in with you and continues the sponge routine until you get fed up, please remember this thread you've created and come back to find it. If you thought he was legit, you wouldn't be asking this question.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 70 (view)

honest answer... Posted: 11/16/2009 7:54:55 PM
we on the same tune but we never questioned were it gona take us, the path is nice and we walk it oh yes i love him, but i never told him only my actions and is retribution makes me think that am living a perfect relatioship Tareco...if it's perfect and you say I love you or ask him if he loves you then there aren't any worries to be had...at all. But El Chuba (sorry if I've misspelled it--although I know what it is!!) has an excellent point: you all are JUST FWB's...what if your guy decides, for whatever reason, to start seeing someone else? What happens then baby?

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Opposite gender roomate Posted: 11/16/2009 5:08:48 AM
They love using our little tool against us in little tricks like these. There...that's MUCH better. Rod your "tool" couldn't POSSIBLY be any bigger than your pea brain. OP...unfortunately thought...he's right about business being business. There's some truth in the whole if I give it up I won't pay rent thing as well. If you aren't smart enough to ask for your rent money and such then you're a dumb ass and don't deserve the rent money. And next time you'll rent your space to a man you won't want to cuddle with.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

honest answer... Posted: 11/16/2009 5:04:14 AM
Baby... YOU might be in love but how do you know that he doesn't see you as just the FWB that you are? If you think that he's the one, then you need to telling him and hope for the best. But you won't because you're afraid that he will tell you that "you're just a friend" and that will be the end of it. You're not in a good situation because your relationship sounds more sex based than not. I've had an FWB that was very cozy like yours but it was never going to be more--usually one of the parties will give signals showing that to be the cse. But if you think it'll work then by all means, tell him what you want and be prepared if the answer isn't what you wanted. Honest answer...you're ASSuming he loves you. He might love what you all are doing cause well gee, he's getting sex like he wants from someone who is attractive and into him. Honest answer...you can't presume that someone loves you if they don't tell you. The real question is can you deal with it if he doesn't do what you think he should?

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 129 (view)

Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop Posted: 11/16/2009 4:50:49 AM
Wow, just wow....I guess I am just a babe in the woods.....because people never cease to amaze me First, my condolences for your pain. The end of any relationship, even ones made of water, suck. You wanted more than what this person could give you. Please understand that any *hole can be educated. You might think that just because he's got a master's he's special...he ain't. You need to step back, look at what the F happened, and realize that life is too damn short to allow yourself to do this type of thing AGAIN. You're not a babe in the woods--you are a grown ass woman who chose to do what she wanted to do, damn the torpedoes. Which means you have to suck up the bad with the good and recognize that happiness isn't based smoke and mirrors, but reality. NOT the one that we create--but the one that is smacking us in the face and not turn away from it. Red flags. We see them, we know what they are, we even might question them subconsciously. But we will still, because we're lonely, afraid, sad, horny, desperate--pick a word of your own, ignore them and then be surprised when they become full blown storms. Time to step back and perhaps be grateful that you didn't lose EVERYTHING. That he didn't turn out to be a psycho that could have hurt you physically. Consider yourself lucky enough to have escaped before it got worse. Time to be the biatch you claim to be and accept that you fked up this time. And move on.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

Sending RL Guys to Online Profile Posted: 11/14/2009 7:31:25 AM
Hey sister Nah...now I've had someone from RL say they saw me on POF. I would think it would be completely counter-productive baby. If the guy met you in person, and liked you, don't you think that should be enough?

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Want to ask her but can't Posted: 11/14/2009 7:24:37 AM
Okay soooo it's against company policy for anything to happen between us and that is the only thing that is holding me back from asking her. We both have fantastic jobs and given the current economic state I would be devastated to lose my job ... Well both to lose our jobs. Umm...I dunno...don't ask her out so you don't lose your jobs????? Dude...you need to find someone else to be interested in. You're trying to justify something and it just can't be justified. Let it go or you might find that your company will be letting YOU go.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 29 (view)

Looking For Some Real Honest Answers Here Posted: 11/14/2009 6:30:31 AM
I never read your profile before but i have now and you seriously need to change it because it is a bit scary if i put myself in the shoes of someone that might be interested in you. OP...it's pretty bad when another man says that he wouldn't date you if he were a female. You need to get some help...I feel sorry for you because this woman has you so messed up that you can't get past her. As you yourself said it's been a few years yet you're still wayyyyyyyyyyy too obsessed with her to be of any good to any other woman. I truly hope you get some help.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Guys in their 40s, never married and no kids Posted: 11/14/2009 6:25:49 AM
David Nope--considering that I'm the female version of you, what kind of stones could I possibly toss?! I consider my status to be a plus. As much as I love kids, having never been able to conceive successfully (when I tried), at 46, I believe that part of my life is over. But I've always wanted to marry--time and circumstance haven't been on my side. Sh*t happens, as you know and you can't change what happens. You seem more well-adjusted than most and I believe that any woman who would be lucky enough to date you would be thrilled. I have to wonder if society truly believes that just because you've been married and divorced once/twice/three times or more that you're more viable as a person than those of us who haven't. Keep the faith--I've finally realized, and you should too, that you've just not met the person you know to be right for you. And that's ok. It truly is.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 45 (view)

Addicted Posted: 11/13/2009 4:43:42 AM
^^^^^^^^ You wouldn't have to hear it if you ACTED LIKE IT! If you're looking for a real guy, then you should know that saying no game players is a game player magnet. Start acting like you have some common sense and people will treat you like you do. You don't even respect yourself enough to let some numbnuts dumb ass go and you expect others to respect that? Woman please. Act like a grown ass woman and people will treat you like one. Don't come whining that people are reminding you of your age because you aren't acting like you know how old you are.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 32 (view)

Cinderella..But.wheres my prince Posted: 11/13/2009 4:40:42 AM
Sweetie Cinderella stuff is for little girls. AT 35, with a 12 yr old child, that's past. You tried to clean it up below but sorry you're stuck with that. And just to be clear, men aren't crazy about women who think they're princesses. That equates to high maintenance woman in their mind. Your profile is very short and direct but I gotta tell you--an independent woman doesn't have to proclaim it to the world. That's like some guy whining about being a nice guy. People know that without you having to say it. And most people know that a parent's child is their everything...it's a given. You're dating...and it's not fruitful. It happens...you can't think that there's something wrong just because there's no "chemistry". How about stepping back, relaxing a bit, and realizing that if you're going to be Cinderella, you have to date a lot of men who aren't Prince Charming--frogs, toads, whatever--and that a good relationship should take time. Men see women they're interested in as sex objects--big whoop. Don't dwell on it unless you're constantly having sex with these guys and they're running off. Slow down and relax already!!!!

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Looking For Some Real Honest Answers Here Posted: 11/13/2009 4:33:28 AM
My fault for allowing her to walk all over me as long as she did! That was really all you needed to post anyway. Jesus...desperate much? What do I think? From the moment we met, she was texting and talking to other men behind my back secretly. That would have been the end of it right there. She must have done something awfully special to you for you to STILL be sprung like you are. Your post and profile REEK of sadness, anger and most of all...I feel sorry for you. You don't seem to understand that you can't date other women in your present state of mind at all. You and the other nutjob who is stalking his ex need to be in a counseling center, somewhere where single women AREN'T. LET. IT. GO. You seem like a smart man and you're a great age for dating...but right now, I can safely say you are probably untouchable. You radiate toxic vibes and I rarely say that about anyone. But no woman would want to deal with you right now--you'll obsess and compare and judge and consider them to be like your ex... Jesus. It's not a full moon so what gives?

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 43 (view)

Addicted Posted: 11/13/2009 4:21:20 AM
Sigh I can't even believe I'm gonna waste good reading time on THIS but... You are 55 yrs old and playing grade school games with some man. Nice. I love the "other than this problem" clarification...woman...seriously?? Are you smoking crack? Weed? Taking too may pills? I'm trying to understand the desperation that I'm reading in your post. I don't get it--what could it be about this one ahole that keeps you going back for more abuse? You're not even married--and you are barely dating him!!!!! Who cares if he can't stop--why can't YOU stop abusing yourself? He's only doing what you allow him to do? Is the sex that good? Are you that lonely? Are you afraid you won 't find someone else? BTW...your profile headline "no game players"? It's sad since this is exactly what you are doing and what you're allowing him to do to you. You're only going to end up alone, hurt and bitter. And at 55, it's not like you've got another 30 yrs to get it right. Do yourself a favor...leave the man alone. I'll say it again...you can always tell when the holidays are here, people become even more desperate to be partnered up. And I will NEVER allow myself to be this woman--I'd rather be home alone with the cat and DVR versus THIS kind of bullshyt.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

are women ok with a man who does not orgasm, yet still enjoys every moment? Posted: 11/12/2009 4:56:50 AM
Occassionally, it's no big deal. But if a man is capable of orgasming......and never lets himself get there...... I would find that odd....and selfish. You men repeatedly state how much you love to make your woman cum..... Well, we women deserve the same opportunity to make our man cum. This is why MsMicki rules. Her answer times one million.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 47 (view)

Tolerance with age? Posted: 11/12/2009 4:54:13 AM
Oh no NTM I am probably LESS tolerant because life is too damn short to deal with other people's foolishness. I got enough crap of my own to deal with and I don't have space for other people's crap.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

To pursue or not to pursue… Posted: 11/12/2009 4:52:08 AM
Sigh You can ALWAYS tell when the holidays are coming... Do NOT keep after this woman cause your next thread will be one where women are evil heartbreaking ****es because we keep going back and forth between men. Please find someone who is really single and wants to date YOU.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 75 (view)

Buying his ex-girlfriend a car? Posted: 11/12/2009 4:48:22 AM
LORD JESUS HEALLLLLLLLLLL THIS WOMAN OF HER AFFLICTION!!!!! Girl...what the??? You're kidding right? OK fine, so he's got a kid with this chick and he bought her a car. But come ON....what are you getting out of it? Good dk? Sorry if that sounds rude but holy crap! But...wait...I think some of us missed this gem, which makes me question WTF? he ended a twelve year relationship with his girlfriend because she cheated on him and now has a new boyfriend** Uh...hell no. Pay the child support. Buy a car? Isn't that what the NEW man should have done? So basically this loser you're chasing after is paying a car note to allow her, his child, AND her new man ride around in style while he stays with mom? Yeah he's a keeper. You don't have stupid stamped on your forehead...you have love and acceptance, and oh DOORMAT up there. Everyday I think I'm unhappy cause I don't date...then I read stuff like this...thanks OP for putting life into perspective.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 46 (view)

I'm a 58 year old guy with young kids (Where is the POF/AARP/K-8 Forum?) Where do I fish? Posted: 11/12/2009 4:38:02 AM
Divorce is in the works. If someone asks about my separation, I'll tell them, but putting it in my profile smacks of TMI. But now you've put it out here on the thread and THAT'S not TMI? Think about how lame that sounds. If you can bother to explain it to us here, why can't you say a small bit on your profile? It would HELP your situation cause you ain't helping it yourself. Can you imagine the ridiculousness of having the courts decide where a married couple's kids will go to school? YES I can because they judge on other things that are even more obnoxious than something dealing with education and finances. And saying "married couple" when you're complaining that you can't get a date as a separated man--Freudian slip? Just because she did it doesn't mean it's set in stone unless you let it be. If she's that awful that you had to separate, grow a pair and make that decision to take the kids out of the school. If you're paying for it and can't afford it, then the judge would understand that. Do NOT play victim. Look my friend. Your kids aren't the issue. As I, and other women have said, you're saying you don't think a woman over 45 would deal with young kids and we're saying that yes maybe or no, SOME of us wouldn't have an issue with it. If you want a younger woman, don't try to use the kids as the excuse for that preference. What you're failing to see, or don't want to see, is that they'll see a much older man with kids who is seeking someone more to help take care of him and the kids as he gets older. Be honest with yourself--do you truly believe that a 30yr old woman, or 35 yr old woman, might date a man almost old enough to be her father with young kids and you're not rolling in dough? (Forgive me younger women, I'm not saying you all are golddiggers...for those reading with any kind of sense, you'll get it). Not likely. It's ok that your kids are your focus but your profile is all about them and really not about you and what kind of woman you'd like to date. Men and women both tend to shy away from people who have profiles that are odes to their wonderful kids--even if they love kids themselves. Step back for a minute and imagine if you saw a woman's profile like yours and she was asking the same question you're asking. Would YOU date her if you didn't have kids?

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

I'm a 58 year old guy with young kids (Where is the POF/AARP/K-8 Forum?) Where do I fish? Posted: 11/11/2009 5:01:52 PM
I'm 46 and don't have kids but love them...but, as the other lady pointed out...your separated status is probably doing you more harm than not. Your profile is nice but you might want to explain something about the separation. I wouldn't have an issue dating a man with young kids. Personally I wouldn't want to meet his children right away--if we don't click there's absolutely no reason for me to be another one of "daddy's friends." Don't assume that a lot of women over 45 are empty nesters either--there's a bunch of us who don't have any kids or have them and wouldn't have an issue dating a man with kids of his own. Don't count out women who are over 45 OP. But again...realize that marital status, especially since you're very specifically stating that you're seeking something more than a roll, is important. A lot of women who might find you interesting may very well be balking at that one thing. You might not realize it.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 118 (view)

Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop Posted: 11/10/2009 6:22:58 PM
Ummm Yeah......he's a keeper. SERIOUSLY??! You have proclaimed to be one smart ass biatch. If that's so, you're doing a piss poor job of showing us other biatches up. I don't care how old you are, no one deserves that kinda crap. You and I might have bumped heads before but damn woman...you have to ask a bunch of people what's wrong with this picture? Are you drinking like your emoticons? STOP THE MADNESS AND DTMFA. Jesus...I would sooooooooooooooo rather be the F alone with my fat assed self than stuck with some crazy asswipe who tried to run my life. Get some therapy already. You haven't worked through whatever's gone on with you in the past and at 60, it's time out for playing.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 128 (view)

He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned? Posted: 11/10/2009 5:15:33 AM
Well I read through all 6 pages and I'm not overly surprised that a lot of men responding say that women always lie about their age. I find THAT shit funnier than hell...considering that one guy on ask a girl who ws at least 60 put he was 47 or some crap because he "felt younger"...please. And when he got called out on it he STILL couldn't come clean. OK...so people lie. Does it make it right? No. Your BF lied about 2 yrs because he thinks women in their 40's have more baggage? Shutthef*kup with that BS. I am 46 and I have never EVER lied about my age on a profile. First off, if I were dating someone and they met my family they'd out my ass for lying right off the bat. I also don't lie about being FAT or wearing wigs. Hello....??? I have pictures of myself with long ass hair and short ass hair and they're all recent. I am a woman who sees hair as an accessory--big freaking whoop. Don't like it? Move on. Oh yes and I wear fake nails, sometimes wear a control panty and oh---I have colored my hair too! That's for all you so-called purist men who are here whining about nails and hair. Give me a break. Do I NEED to call out men about the dik size thing? I didn't think so...but I can. Or the "that's not a toupee/hairplugs" thing. Or the I am 6 feet tall and your ass is barely hitting 5'9" thing. Having read your other post where you say he lied AGAIN, I certainly hope that you've stepped back and started looking at this relationship---hard. Lying about one's age, especially in this day and age where you can be found out for a few bucks, ain't worth it--at least to me. The last man I dated was 63--do you know he dodged telling me his age for 2 weeks? I finally told him that I 1) don't guess at people's ages and 2) liked him for who he was, not how old he was. The sad part about it? We parted ways--not because of his age--but because of his lack of maturity. I've dated men half his age who were a helluva lot more mature than he was. Those of you who are blathering on about your "biological age" crap--please spare me. If your ass is 50, I don't give a flip that you FEEL 40. YOUR ASS IS 50 and that's all that matters. I can say I'm 46 and feel 36 but that still doesn't make me 36. That is a stupid ass lie and I can't believe those of you who put that out there believe what you're writing. Biological age is not meant to be used as a lie for dating. Sheeshus. Look people--especially you LaineeJ. As another person or persons have said here, a small casual lie can hide large casual lies. It's so not worth it. People who are divorced saying single/never married then trying to explain that away. For those of us who truly ARE single/never married, we end up having to prove that we really haven't been married because of you folks. Those men and women who say a few lbs overweight and are lard asses--thanks again. Those of us who DO tell the truth have to contend with your lies too. Or the I don't post my picture because you should fall for me without seeing me because I am soooooo wonderful storytellers. Some of ya'll need to find a mirror that works and stop playing. Am I being mean? Sure if it feels that way to you then yeah I am. But there's so much BULLSHYT with online dating as it is, when you do run across someone who says I am really 46, I have never been married, I really am chunky/fat, and I don't have kids, people question it because they can't believe you'd be honest about something that's so simple to find out. How truly hard is it to BE YOURSELF? Apparently pretty damn hard if I'm reading correctly. Maybe that's what I'm doing wrong--being honest about who and what I am. Nah....I don't think so. I just think that too many other people have lied about who and what they are for so long they can't face the reality that they deal with everyday. I think I'll go look in the mirror before I leave for work one more time. Damn if 46 don't look good!

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 112 (view)

A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go? Posted: 11/9/2009 4:40:17 AM
And to others who have said I need to not date and just get counseling, fix myself, and put my kids first: I should always put my kids first, yes. And there are definitely some issues I need to work on myself so that I don't keep ending up in this same role over and over again. In other words, yes, I need to grow a pair among other things. SMARTEST thing you've written thus far, beyond the fact you didn't let her back in. YES, you do need some counseling. At 33, you are far too young to constantly go through this and again, your children should NOT be witnessing THIS type of drama. Change. the. locks. She can make an appt to get her harp. Those of us who are telling you to CHANGE YOUR LOCKS are doing so for a damn good reason. LISTEN for a change. Do you want to come home and find other things besides a harp gone? Not saying she will but ALL things are possible when someone's pissed off.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Should I get divorced? Posted: 11/8/2009 8:04:41 AM
Sweetie... If you're here then it seems like you've already made your mind up. If you've already talked about it with her, then being straight up honest and saying that you're done is the only way to handle it. There's no "presenting" that needs to be done. She sounds like she's moving on and so are you. And if you have to worry about your wife cheating and sneak behind her...that's not love. Nor is it a marriage of any kind at all.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Are we all here for the same reasons ??? Posted: 11/8/2009 7:40:34 AM
No we aren't all here for the same reasons. I used to be here to date. Now I'm here cause I've met some interesting online people and because the forums can be a much needed comic relief at times. Tips? I don't have any. I have my own BS filter that usually sets off pretty fast. If you can't internally figure it out then no one can give you any tips. I will say that people tend to not take others at face value. If someone says/does something that goes against how you feel/think, think long and hard before investing more time into that person. If what they think is so very contrary to what you think then that won't change.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

friendship or romantic interest or just sex?? Posted: 11/8/2009 7:37:24 AM
How about this... Are YOU interested in HIM? Do you want to hook up or date the guys who are flirting with you? Why do women make it all about what the man wants and not what THEY want? Just because a guy flirts with you doesn't mean he's even remotely interested in getting into your panties. He could be trying to sell you something, he could just be a flirt, and he could be just being nice. Before worrying about romantic interest or sex, make sure you're remotely interested in the guy. YOU. Not HIM. You--make sure you are interested enough to want it to be more than friends.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 37 (view)

A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go? Posted: 11/8/2009 7:34:33 AM
Jesus, Mary and Joseph.... SERIOUSLY??? You're way too young to allow some nutjob like her run your life the way you're allowing her to. Even though she's gone you STILL are letting her in your head! Love is not this complicated or crazy. It really isn't. And you allowed crazy around your kids? If your ex or baby's mama finds out she can take the kids away--permanently. What's interesting is that you don't realize that for someone who didn't have a job she sure as hell found someplace to live pretty damn quick. HELLO???? Are you using the big head or the little one? Think about it--she didn't have a job or money but she was able to move out...and not come back. Who has she been doing while you were gone earning money dude??? Change the damn lock, tell crazy to enjoy her life and be grateful she's GONE.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 43 (view)

49 and never married/no children Posted: 11/7/2009 4:25:23 AM
Well... Your post hits home with me. I'm a 46 yr old never married and no kids woman. I honestly thought that there had to be something wrong with me! I've come to realize a few things OP: 1) not everyone is meant to marry the first dumb ass that asks them. I almost did--after he asked me he got cold feet and ran halfway around the world. I thank God now that I he did run--if he wasn't able to keep his word on something that big, what would married life have been like? For men, not everyone woman who they ask is the right one. I have male friends who have come to realize that they too, have made the right choice in leaving someone who wasn't right for them. 2) Being a certain age and not being married, male or female, isn't ALWAYS a red flag. For some of us, we focused on other things in life. I've traveled, lived in other cities, and have enjoyed life. Do I want to remain single? No...but I'm not going to bend to pressure by others to marry someone just cause THEY'RE (peers, strangers) uncomfortable with me being single. 3) I can't have children. Family genetics have "cursed" my female cousin and I with these issues. We've both found that if we had tried earlier in life, we MIGHT have been successful. I have watched her, after being single forever, and getting married at 41, try for the last 5 yrs to have a baby...only to have to have surgery and still not having any luck. I love my nieces and nephews and my friends' kids to death. People are always amazed that I don't have kids or that I'm not a teacher--kids, for some reason or another, take to me quite easily. I'm grateful for that. If I ever met someone who wanted kids, we'd have to talk about adoption or other methods. Sweetie...she found YOU. Which means that in this big ole Universe, she was guided towards you and you towards her. I won't get mushy and all but I am a hopeless romantic. But not a stupid one. I do believe, after all this time, that the right man for me will find me or I'll find him. I spent a few years sweating about it---I won't lie. It's not the easiest thing to watch others pairing off. But when the realization that some people, male or female, just give in and go with the first person that seems half assed decent, just because they don't want to be alone, sets in...I can't do that. Ignore your friends who are probably jealous because she comes with light baggage and love your woman. At 49, she didn't settle for just anyone...she waited for YOU.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

Second chances? Posted: 11/4/2009 4:51:58 AM
Division77 Sounds...kinda rigid. I understand some of what you're saying but Stray_Cat said what I would have said. Sometimes circumstances warrant saying no or walking away, then coming back to one another. I think a lot of times people do things in the heat of the moment then realize that they screwed up. Now...that being said...I'd have to really know that the person has changed to go backwards. I have an ex now telling me "I want you back." That sounds great right? But it's all about what he wants...he hasn't asked what I want out of this. Which is telling on his part. I have gone back to someone before--timing was bad for both of us. We ended up parting again because he moved halfway around the world. At the time there wasn't enough of a relationship to uproot--he wasn't ready to get married and I wasn't about to move to another country without a job and without something more sure. I've done it...not very often. And obviously it's not worked out very well or I wouldn't still be here Would I do it again? Perhaps...but it would have to be a very compelling reason. Just someone telling me they want me back isn't enough.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

Why mature people make wonderful partners Posted: 10/16/2009 4:12:01 PM
The only implication that I do grant is that a mature person is someone who is serious and over the immaturity normally found in youth. I think of people being mature when they understand and accept the person they have created over the years, and take responsibility for all that implies. That's very true...I think I'm not quite there yet--and I'm honest enough to admit it! I do believe that over time finding that path to the right balance can be done--but only if one chooses to do so. Having not really realized the who and what I was until just a few years ago, and even then, not being fully comfortable with it, I've started seeing that I am in the right mindset (99% of the time!!)to be a wonderful partner--heck a great partner--to the right man. Now...help a sister find him will ya?!!

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

do i have to bve activly looking for a partner to talk here Posted: 10/16/2009 4:00:51 PM
This is the future of the world....(and I wish I were kidding) DUDE...believe it or not, this is NOT a text message and you can, and should, use all of the letters of every word you're writing. The reason women don't write back is because you are too freaking lazy to type out all of the words! If you're too lazy to do that, then you're probably too lazy for other things. This doesn't speak to your INTELLECT...but to your ass being too lazy. No one wants to date someone who can't form a sentence, let alone say that what they wrote speaks to their "intalect" and that's even misspelled.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

Why mature people make wonderful partners Posted: 10/16/2009 2:48:28 PM
Oh I wish that were the case my friend. If so, the 63 yr old man I dated who acted like a 12 yr old with ADD obviously didn't get the memo about being a better life partner!! I think that mature should be defined better. If you mean of a certain age...see my example above. I think that you're right on some levels...but when I read some of the posts from some of the "mature" poeple in the ovr 45 forum I have to laugh--sadly sometimes though. Personally, for me, a wonderful partner would be someone, regardless of his age, who had a sense of self and didn't deter from that sense. Sometimes being "mature" means nothing but being able to get a discount faster than someone youngr than yourself.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ? Posted: 10/16/2009 2:07:44 PM
OP Interesting how many men haven't responded to this thread. Would you dare to take a guess as to why that is? Many guys don't tell you something like that because they know that it'll scare a woman off. A woman might do so to test a man--to see if he was just wanting to jump her bones or, as someone else suggested, she is just looking for a booty call. But back to your question. How would I feel? Honestly...it would depend on the man. If I were THAT into him where I thought I might want to be more of the aggressor...who knows? If I weren't all that interested or wasn't sure, then I wouldn't be turned off, I'd probably just flat out ask him why he felt that way. If he said that's what he expected all of the time then we'd probably go our separate ways. But...I find that most men aren't that stupid.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 56 (view)

What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic! Posted: 10/10/2009 1:19:04 PM
because im not in a relationship with him I am still dating so all those people that think im desperate to have him and change gim pump ya breaks lol its not that serious! Ummm...yeah...ummm...right...women ALWAYS say a man's THE ONE when they're not all that interested in a guy and they're dating other men. SISTER...who's leg are ya trying to pull here?? You're not being honest with either us (which doesn't matter) or yourself...which does. If he's not THE ONE, why are you even asking the question???? EDIT... I feel he is the one, and if he was ready for commitment I would be too but because I know he isnt, im guarding myself, if he ever wants to take things further then I will too. You're hoping that he'll do this. You're wishing that he'll do that. Girl...do NOT spend all your time hoping/wishing/praying that he'll turn into this man that will be yours! Ain't NOBODY worth all that misery. He is NOT that amazing. He is NOT all that. If he were, you wouldn't be spending so much time with other men and you damn sure wouldn't be pining away for this guy. Give your time, heart and soul to someone who'll give a damn about you and won't be worried about being committed to you or anyone else for that matter. Dont get me twisted im not lying just obvioulsy not coming across very clearly! You are coming across loud and clear. And so is he--are you listening?

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 44 (view)

Driving me nuts! Posted: 10/10/2009 11:50:14 AM
Interesting If a woman posted this she'd be called all sorts of names. You won't get a pass from me... You're a selfish d*ck and you know that. You're using someone to prop yourself up emotionally but you can't or won't--I'll go with WON'T--be intimate with her because of whatever's going on with yourself. Let. her. go. She doesn't deserve someone who sees her as a non-sexual entity. She treats you like a king and loves you with all her heart--and she's not asking for sex? Or is she asking for it and you're finding creative ways to not have sex? In any event, you're dead wrong and that's why you feel the way you do. You're thinking about cheating? I bet it's more than thinking isn't it? What's happening to you is that your CONSCIOUS is telling you to do the right thing. You can't have it all--you can't for a long period of time that is. Karma is an evil ass biatch my friend--if you feel you just can't let this wonderful person go, and decide to have sex with someone else, you will end up paying for it some way. Maybe not right away...but you will. Trust me.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 50 (view)

What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic! Posted: 10/10/2009 11:41:33 AM
Ummm Baby...he isn't "THE ONE". He is ONE...everyone here, male and female are telling you pretty much the same thing... 1) once a month--do you all live hours away from each other?? There's no way to determine how wonderful anyone is if you see them once a month. 2) He's TELLING you he isn't ready to commit. He has said it in a nice way, and as Rockman has so astutely put it, you ARE trying to find a way around his defense. There ain't one. Wake up and stop it. Sorry, just because a man has a job, no kids, pays for dates and has a "wonderful soul" doesn't make him any less the right one than one who doesn't have all of that. And that would go for any woman too, lest some of you men think I'm biased. I think you shuold relax and date this guy--you want to marry someone who isn't ready to do that. If you want to get married, then break up with Mr. Amazing (cough, cough bullshyt) and go find Mr. I Ain't Amazing but I love you.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 48 (view)

Trying to work through my feelings on casual sex Posted: 9/29/2009 6:03:47 PM
^^^^^^ My question to you would be why oh why oh WHY would you think that a personality test should define who you are? You identify so closely with this--why? THIS is why I say you're overthinking it. And you sound wishy washy.... tend to put their ideas out there for criticism, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they hold strongly to those ideas. THAT, my wordy friend, would be fancy talk for fence sitting. Do you really let a test be your guide in how you think, act and formulate original ideas? I hope to GAWD not.

afashionlady

Joined: 4/19/2008

Msg: 46 (view)

Trying to work through my feelings on casual sex Posted: 9/29/2009 5:38:18 PM
"Is it morally permissible to have sex with someone you don't care about as a person?" Sigh. Your morals are yours and yours alone. Unfortunately it almost DOES sound like you're passing judgment on others Antithetical--which is why people are responding the way they do. I love "big words" just as much as the next geek brain, but you're going overboard and again, you are overthinking it. Some thoughts? You've got a lot of them sweetness...they're bleeding through. It's all good cause it's your life. surely there must be more to this issue than "either you personally are fine with casual sex or you are not". Why would you think that it is? No wait--why do you think it HAS to be for everyone? That's what I guess I'm missing. Whatever your idea is or isn't about sex, love, friends with benefits, sex buddies...whatever, it's yours. Asking this question and then not liking the answers? Nah...not good. Am I going to give you an indepth, blow by blow of my thoughts on casual sex? Prolly not--I've explained myself as much as I intend to. You've posted in the right place but you can't honestly think that everyone is gonna agree with everything you say...right?

Show ALL Forums