Why do I keep having to beg her for my company!? chat & forums.

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Thread: Why do I keep having to beg her for my company!?

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

Why do I keep having to beg her for my company!? Posted: 4/3/2008 12:32:28 PM
Why would you lower yourself to begging for anyone's time? Where's your pride? She's a b!tch, broom her and move along.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

is he not into me or did I screw up? Posted: 3/28/2008 11:13:32 AM
Alcohol is not an excuse. Its a cop out. Sorry. He's gone. As for if it happened to me? No, I wouldn't listen. I've been there done that. You hardly know each other yet this is what he gets to see right off the top? Not very attractive I'm afraid. Learn from it so it doesn't happen again.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

is he not into me or did I screw up? Posted: 3/28/2008 10:36:48 AM
Your friend blew it for you. She made you appear childish and immature. He probably thinks he's dealing with a bunch of 15 year olds, mentally. Move along, he probably already has.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 37 (view)

Do you past the Posted: 3/28/2008 10:25:37 AM
Anybody with any sense of dignity won't get dragged into what is obviously the beginning of games with someone who is obviously bitter and jaded (not meaning you OP). I used to read the entire profile when i was searching and I commented on whatever I found interesting, not what some chick thought I should respond to. Verdict? Pass. Next please!

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Do you prefer someone complicated, or someone simple? Posted: 3/28/2008 10:07:59 AM
I find most people who profess to having "complicated" lives would be better described as having major baggage and issues. Complicated to me usually means the Ex is still in the picture in some way and represents drama, I have kids and no support system so no time to date, or I'm still figuring out my life. Either way, its nothing but a pain in the ass and not worth the frustration.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 39 (view)

Anybody just not interested in dating? Posted: 3/19/2008 12:41:38 PM
I'm in a relationship now but when I met my GF, I wasn't looking. I had only unhid my profile a week before she contacted me and mostly just to see what would happen. I wasn't searching and certainly wasn't sending out emails. My profile had been hidden for a few months as I simply didn't care to date, mostly due to the ridiculousness of online dating and the people who inhabit it. Funny how things work out sometimes.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 19 (view)

What is the big deal about meeting people in a bar/pub????? Posted: 3/19/2008 12:37:29 PM
You hear this all the time and if you believed it, you'd think nobody was trying to pick up at the bars but there they are, checking the place out and open to meeting someone. Its mostly BS.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 87 (view)

Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship? Posted: 3/12/2008 8:25:24 AM
I stay for the forums. I hid my profile, changed the wording in the text to reflect my dating status and that keeps me out of searches. My GF knows my situation and has seen my profile here, she knows I enjoy posting so she's cool with it. I have no desire to search or play around, to be honest there's nobody online that interests me that way.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 96 (view)

My partner is not so attractive, but she's a great person... Posted: 3/12/2008 8:11:04 AM
I CANNOT BELIEVE THE HYPOCRISY GOING ON HERE!!! How many other threads have there been talking about looks, physical attraction, what's important is what's on the inside, etc? Now we have a guy who comes on here and admits to loving his GF having been with her for 2 years, living together and plans to get married but isn't attracted to her and he gets raked over the coals for it and demonized. He met a girl he really likes as a person and decided to build a relationship with her probably hoping that getting to know her would help create some attraction. That is a lot more than most people (including most of the posters here) would do. Most of you wouldn't be bothered if those "sparks" and "fireworks" didn't happen in the first 10 seconds yet you chastize this guy for doing something so many people complain about doesn't happen enough on these very forums. Now he is at a point (actually probably past that point) where he needs to seriously consider the plans they have been making as this issue of non-attraction is bothering him. Doesn't he get kudos for at least trying? He met someone he isn't attracted to yet found awesome as a person and gave it a shot. I believe he does love her, but it sounds like its more of a "friend" love. Just because you love them doesn't necessarily make them more attractive everytime. Sometimes it just isn't there. It doesn't mean the love isn't real. I've been there, dated someone I really liked as a person but didn't feel an attraction to and tried to make a go of it hoping the attraction would build at some point. It didn't and it doesn't always happen that way. The OP's profile is curious and yes it is suspicious. I won't defend that as I agree with most of you who have mentioned it. But this demonization of him over his lack of attraction to his GF just makes me shake my head. Did any of you ever consider that maybe he's just misguided here? That maybe he made the mistake of settling and is now realizing it and is looking for some advice on what to do? Is that so bad? You people need to go soak your heads.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

Offensive....or not? Posted: 2/29/2008 11:18:19 AM
Seems to me she's a bit touchy about her size. Without knowing the context of the conversation, we can't make a judgement. On one hand it could have been an innocent question, on the other, an offensive question. But from what you've written, she came off as touchy.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 43 (view)

new relationship Posted: 2/22/2008 11:14:37 AM
I think you need a psychiatrist, not a lover. You have severe problems. Nobody here has given you the green light to proceed. Everyone has warned you and yet you still insist on continuing with this fantasy. You're either a troll or a retard.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 38 (view)

Getting along with your family members Posted: 2/21/2008 6:22:51 PM
lee4-nowhere did i say she was mentally ill, those are your words. I said she suffered from both a poor emotional and mental state. That does not equal mentally ill. Poor mental state could equal depression. It could equal an unhealthy way of thinking about things. And you don't need to know the details of our split or what exactly happened. This thread isn't about that. Again you've made nothing but assumptions based on little information. And you also proved you can't read as your first two responses to my post, which is not the topic of this thread, clearly show. Again, keep your ill-informed judgements to yourself. You have no details on which to base your comments.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 29 (view)

Are you the 1 Posted: 2/21/2008 10:35:54 AM
Its not possible to be the one for someone if they aren't the one for you. Its a relationship, in order for it to be right, both people must feel the same way. One way relationships are never right. People who think they are the one for someone who doesn't feel the same way are delusional and need mental help. I believe a term might be "stalkers".

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 29 (view)

Getting along with your family members Posted: 2/21/2008 10:32:23 AM
lee4- you should be careful of assumptions. What I wrote was only a small portion of what went on, to add details would make for a lengthy post and would effectively highjack the thread which is against the rules. I responded to this thread with my own story to share a nightmare situation that is not uncommon, especially to men. Do not assume anything and make your petty judgements until you have some facts. No wonder you're single.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

Why doesn't he want to meet Posted: 2/20/2008 8:39:27 AM
I was in a situation similar to this last year. I started emailing 2 women from 2 different dating sites about the same time. As it happened, I met the first one and we hit it off really well. The second girl I wasn't sure about. I had emailed her about something in her profile and her response was more in line with friends than anything else so we just continued to chat about whatever. Meanwhile I'm dating up a storm with the first girl and things are going well. However I did like this second girl and wanted to meet her, just to see. Well, we talked a bit about meeting but we never settled on a date or anything. She wasn't pushing it, I wasn't pushing it (mostly because girl #1 was taking up a lot of my time) and eventually we stopped chatting and I decided that girl #1 was the one I wanted to commit to. I'm glad I did, we're approaching our first year together!

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

Letting go when you still want to f*** Posted: 2/20/2008 8:09:51 AM
Being with someone for the sake of lust is a waste of time and effort. I've been there and it was nothing short of ridiculous. If you don't mind wasting your life away, then go for it. Otherwise, find someone else who "does it" for you. There are lots of good looking people out there who will peak your interest in more ways than one.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

Getting along with your family members Posted: 2/20/2008 8:04:55 AM
I've lived this and never again will I go there. My ex has a history of fighting with her mother, horrible fights that have damaged both of them emotionally. When I arrived on the scene, my ex had a 2 year old daughter, the father not in the picture, and she was staying at her parent's house. Well the mother had basically taken over the care of the child mostly due to bullying my ex out of the way. When my relationship with the ex became serious and we talked of moving in together, all hell broke loose. The mother couldn't handle "losing" her granddaughter, I became "Satan" and 6 long years of constant fighting, child therapy, court fights, and the disintegration of our relationship ensued. Turned out it wasn't me in particular, I could have been anybody. But it was the final trigger that destroyed the relationship between my ex, her mother, her father and her brother (who got involved too). Plus, as an added bonus, we had a son during our time together. Bad thing is, because of my ex's poor emotional and mental state as a result of a life of fighting with her family and making poor choices as a result, we moved out of province to escape her parent's crap. Well things didn't go well and we split up about a year after. Due to where we had moved and poor job prospects, I elected to move back home (province), thinking she would do the right thing and follow. Nope, her hate of her family was much stronger than her sense of fairness to the kids, to both families, to even me. I haven't seen my son in 8 years as she's cut off all contact. I won't go into the legalities.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 21 (view)

Best Way to tell a new lover what you like in bed. Posted: 2/15/2008 10:53:09 AM
I find Flash cards work best.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 29 (view)

Bumping into other internet daters out in the world Posted: 2/15/2008 10:21:41 AM
I think that most people who are online would prefer that any contact made by other online daters who've recognized them in real life keep it online. At least that way they can decide whether or not they wish to get to know you instead of being put in an uncomfortable position of having you there in their face. I've seen some women from POF at the local clubs and around town but I would never approach them with "Hey! Aren't you on POF?" Despite the growing popularity of online dating, many people are loathe to admit they use it. Apparently there is still a stigma attached. I don't care either way and have had a couple of women approach me in the past saying they recognized me from the site. I've seen others do the "duck and cover" thing when seeing them like they're afraid I'm about to rush over and say hi. I'd say yes, you did the right thing by not saying anything. You just don't know how someone will react.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 106 (view)

Do you find yourself becoming apathetic about finding love? Posted: 2/15/2008 9:54:38 AM
I completely understand the OPs thoughts here. It really can seem like you're just running around in circles when it comes to dating. I had basically given up looking when I met my gf. I don't know why it happened suddenly and I'm not buying into the whole "when you stop looking, that's when you find it" thinking. I do think though that you can try too hard and actually become another obstacle in your search for love. Best to just play things cool and not focus too much on it.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

Should I or Shouldn't I? Posted: 2/14/2008 12:59:54 PM
All I can say from reading that profile is that you aren't going to find a decent guy. That profile is a manual for how to attract the wrong guys and end up being used and bitter as a result. You might want to rethink it considering you are looking for "long term".

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

Should I call or wait? Or give up? Posted: 2/14/2008 12:35:55 PM
Seems to me the misunderstandings have made him think twice about persuing you any longer. Since we don't know what these misunderstandings were, we can't offer an opinion as to why he's disappeared and whether he's correct or not. He's gone. You should be too.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 35 (view)

Rejected once again Posted: 2/14/2008 11:46:58 AM
Well I just came across this while browsing through yahoo. Interesting study however. http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20080214/sc_livescience/inromancelooksmattersmosttothebeautiful Good read but only reinforces what most of us already know. At least most of us who are willing to be honest.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

WHY??? Posted: 2/14/2008 10:45:47 AM
I love this quote from the email he wrote her: <div class="quote">I am hurt that you pursued this until finally you forced me into it. I hope that you don't do that with all the guys you meet. I certainly hope you don't do this with everyone, cause you will be single for a long time, and never learn to trust anyone at that rate. Coming from the guy who was lying to her. The guy who isn't helping her with her trust issues. Very very funny. Good for you.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 32 (view)

Rejected once again Posted: 2/14/2008 10:22:11 AM
jack317-buddy I can relate to you totally. Once upon a time I was obese and always got the "lets just be friends" speech. I finally found the spark I needed after many years to diet and join a gym. My dating life improved immensely. I'm not saying you have to do this but lets be honest. It would help greatly. And it is true, if you look better, you feel better and it shows. People are attracted to happy people who have confidence in themselves. I know as an overweight man that my confidence was severely lacking and it showed. With my weightloss, my mood and demeanor changed and people noticed. Another thing is redo your profile. You need to expand on it. Keep it light and fun but it needs more. Much more.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

I'm divorced. Why is that a bad thing? Posted: 2/14/2008 9:34:11 AM
Many profiles? At your age? Reality check buddy. At your age, late 30's, most of the women you should be searching out are going to be either divorced or separated. There are not a whole lot of women out there who haven't been married or at least common law (which anymore is the same thing) by the time they've reached their 30's. Maybe you're searching for the young ones?

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 25 (view)

You're not the one for me! Posted: 2/14/2008 9:31:35 AM
She probably just settled for this relationship and over time realized she couldn't do it anymore. Too many people do that. If she was the one for you, she would have felt the same back. I think you're fooling yourself.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 103 (view)

Is it the end of the dating world if you are not good looking? Posted: 2/14/2008 9:26:11 AM
Do you have to look GREAT in order to be loved? Of course not. That's ridiculous. You just have to be willing to love another who is not GREAT looking. The beautiful people are in the minority. There are far more average and below average looking people around.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 115 (view)

Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence? Posted: 2/13/2008 7:21:03 AM
I guess i shouldn't be surprised that so many people have said its an unforgiveable violation of their privacy to have someone read their email. But I think context should be considered as well. To have someone just checking out your email for no reason whatsoever other than curiousity, unfounded suspicions, control issues, etc. then sure, that's unacceptable. But what if there is reason? What if you have given them reason to suspect something is amiss? What if they have talked to you about it and you have assured them that no, nothing is going on, don't worry about it? Well I'm sure that the folks on the forums, fine upstanding people that you are, can be trusted (who are we kidding here?) but the reality is that there are many people who can't be trusted. I've been in this situation a couple of times before and if it weren't for looking a little deeper into things, I would have been played the fool for much longer than i was. AND, I got to confront her with the truth! No, I didn't just snoop for the sake of being a snoop, I had suspicions. Suspicions that were found to be true. Bury your heads in the sands if you want, but if something doesn't feel right, I'm going to find out.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

Serious question about dating for someone who has finally moved out on their own Posted: 2/12/2008 10:50:45 AM
Somehow I think you're biggest disadvantage will be your lack of dating experience. You will most likely come off as awkward and unsure of yourself in this regard. This could be off-putting to a woman. Be prepared to answer questions as to why you haven't dated much and why you were at home so long. Best thing to do is just date as much as you can for the experiences and to get a good idea of what you want in a woman. Until you've been around the bend a few times, so to speak, you really won't know.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

What is up with her Posted: 2/12/2008 10:44:55 AM
There's simply not enough information offered to offer any real advice. Talk to her about what's going on. It could be many things.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

Wearing your heart on your sleeve... Posted: 2/12/2008 10:41:41 AM
Its always good to let someone special to you know how you feel, saves them from the guesswork. However...... Coming on too strong, especially if you're the type who "falls" hard and fast can and usually will mean a one way ticket back to Singlesville. Best to play it cool, have fun and let things happen. Using less serious words like "I really like being with you" will indicate your feelings much safer than dropping the "L" word on them too soon.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence? Posted: 2/12/2008 9:05:57 AM
I was on the other end of this once....was with a girl, thought things were cool between us. She spent most of a week at my place and used my computer all the time. Well she was checking her email one day while i was there and she had a special folder saved with a guys name on it. She said it was an old friend that she kept in touch with so I left it alone. But something was bothering me about it. So i checked it out. Sure enough, she was having online sex with this guy, graphically written, no question about who or what was involved. I blew! First she started apologizing and denying, then when that wasn't cutting it, she got on about me invading her privacy. Up until then we had access to each others accounts, there were no secrets, or so I thought. Yes, it can be argued I was wrong to look but I found out something I needed to know. Something terrible. Later, her friend told me she had always been hot for that guy and wasn't surprised she'd done this. That was 7 years ago, she's still single. Go figure. Funny thing...she has a dating profile on LL, in it she writes of finding someone honest and loyal. I laughed so hard I fell off my chair. I find you simply cannot trust anyone. Its normal to want to know things about someone you're dating. Most people snoop. Sometimes it pays off and saves you serious heartbreak later.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 47 (view)

This is making me nuts Posted: 2/11/2008 11:26:48 AM
After all that, I'm thinking of taking out a restraining order against the OP. Scary.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

Real Meetings or Dates from Plenty of Fish Posted: 2/11/2008 10:44:17 AM
I used online dating sites for about 3 years, had many dates and a couple of short term things. Most of the dates ended up being a no chemistry type of thing, a few went amazing well and lead to more dates but eventually fizzled out as we got to know one another. Until I met my gf. She contacted me, we emailed a few times, had a phone call and some great conversation and then we met. Magic. We're about as perfect as you are probably going to find. Thing is, I didn't meet her here. I met her on a pay site. I find while POF offers many choices, many of the people I interacted with were simply not dateable. The problem with freebies is that anyone can join and play and there is no filter. At least if people are paying, they're more inclined to be serious about what they are looking for. I found there to be a better quality of people with the pay sites than here. Many women here use pay sites too but they don't pay. That I learned really fast. If you want to dance, you gotta pay the band. Most people have no idea what they're doing on dating sites. From the sexual nature of some profiles to the negativity displayed in so many others to the utter emptiness of some giving you nothing to work with, it really is an effort in futility. Just about everyone on a dating site finds a date but very few find longlasting love. I know I shouldn't be railing against dating sites since I met my gf on one, but online dating is an exercise in humility, frustration and infinite patience. Good luck to you. You're going to need it.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 54 (view)

what's the relationship between tolerance & good looks Posted: 2/9/2008 8:55:19 AM
Of course someone's going to call this a tirade This is a tirade. But she's right. Smart cookie! Points for you!

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

Have a date.... and a cold!! Posted: 2/8/2008 11:58:26 AM
Keep in mind if you cancel (which will be the second time your first date has been cancelled) he might begin to believe something is not right. If you are feeling alright, let him know you're coming down with a cold but that you are willing to still meet up. That way the ball is in his court and you don't look like you're playing around.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 24 (view)

How do you get back on the horse? Posted: 2/8/2008 9:03:02 AM
How do I determine when I'm ready to date again? You'll feel comfortable with the idea. Your life won't be as much of a mess. Everyone's different in this regard. Too many just jump back in and ignore the realities of their situation. This only creates more drama for both the person and those who are unfortunate enough to date them. Once I am ready, how do I get back into the dating world? Online sites are a start. But don't put all your eggs in this one basket. Online dating is very superficial and very humbling. Talk to women when you're out, flirt, joke, be pleasant. Someone might find you interesting. Most importantly, don't stress about it. Big mistake many people make on these sites. Get involved in extracurricular activities to get yourself out there. How does dating at this age and at this stage of my life work? I barely figured things out in my teens and early 20's. This seems completely foreign to me. It's going to be somewhat different in that you have greater life experience now, something you didn't have in your youth. Hopefully most of the immature games won't be played. Keep in mind the women you'll probably be meeting will have kids at home so their time won't be as free as younger single women. Also, these women will have already been down the road before, like you, so they aren't going to play games as much. They know what they want and what they require in a partner. Take your time and just enjoy your life. Women can smell desperation a mile away (so can men for that matter), don't be one of those.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 43 (view)

Claiming To Treat You Like A Princess Or Goddess Posted: 2/8/2008 8:46:03 AM
Ahh, the cry of the loser...."date me and i'll treat you like a queen!" Most often spoken by big talkers and losers who can't buy a date. Best to avoid.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 46 (view)

what's the relationship between tolerance & good looks Posted: 2/8/2008 8:43:44 AM
Perhaps because of those "sparks" so many people on these forums go on about? You know, those "sparks" that make your knees weak, curl your toes? Primal attraction blinds many people, especially when you're young. It isn't until you get older and wiser that you see people for who they truly are and then their great looks don't matter anymore. Unfortunately, some people never learn and thus never find love, only continuous heartbreak. Interestingly, these "beautiful people" tend to not find real love either as eventually the people they date get tired of their "shtick". Whats that saying? Show me a hot chick and i'll show you someone who's sick of her sh!t.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Valentine's Gifts? Posted: 2/8/2008 8:29:47 AM
I wouldn't worry too much about it. Its only been a short time as you've said. Maybe a nice card or some chocolate? Do dinner, that's always nice. Valentine's Day puts a lot of unneeded pressure on people, its a horrible day. Singles are made to feel more aware of their status than normal, couples feel they have to do something special, its all BS. Go to dinner if you feel the need and enjoy yourselves like its any other day.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

should i wait? Posted: 2/8/2008 8:24:16 AM
Seems typical. When its time to leave, there's an emergency. I'd have to say based on what you've written here that he's playing around. Get the info on her and check it out. If he isn't willing to give it up, you know he's lying.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 164 (view)

Why is it more accetable to be divorced rather than never married if someone is 30+ Posted: 2/8/2008 8:20:13 AM
I've never been married either and I'm 41 although I've lived with 3 women. Not everyone jumps into marriage, some people realize that they haven't met that right person as yet so while they may live with that person for a while, walking down the aisle is out of the question. Too many people don't give it enough thought, look at the divorce rate. Its ridiculous. But its true, many people seem to have it in their small brains that if you haven't been married before your early 30's that there's something wrong with you or you're a confirmed bachelor. That's silliness. It just means some of us aren't as quick to jump into that situation as easily as others.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 75 (view)

How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks? Posted: 2/7/2008 1:38:15 PM
There's only 2 things I look for: 1: I look for that sexual attraction-that I just want to rip his cloths off and do him right there....of course I don't...but I can imagine I am 2: Then I check out the kiss. If his kiss wets my panties, he's in......Basically, its a simple as that! Great post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She's posted it like 3 times in this thread I believe. Probably waiting for someone like yourself to respond to it. What she talks of is lust though. I'd like to think sparks are more than skin deep.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

Instant Messaging Protocal - A question of etiquette Posted: 2/7/2008 12:54:19 PM
EVERYBODY who uses the IM feature does this. There is no email saying they would like to IM you and with your permission will the next time you're both online. There's no etiquette online. This joker may have gone too far with the insults and swearing but nothing he did first was wrong. The IM feature is just that: Instant Message. Since you don't like it, its best you shut it off.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 33 (view)

In love with the sex. Posted: 2/7/2008 12:00:02 PM
And to label a woman stupid for not knowing what is real or not, is really cold. There are countless women (and men for that matter) who equate good sex with love. There are many people who simply don't know what love is and never will.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 21 (view)

How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks? Posted: 2/6/2008 11:57:32 AM
Sparks are a combination of attraction and personal connection. Its easy to be attracted by someone and feel that primal lust for them. But feeling a personal connection is something entirely different. I think many people who find themselves in a date situation with someone they are attracted to fool themselves into thinking there are sparks happening. To me sparks are more than just attraction. When I met my gf, we had exchanged several emails and a phone call already and were enjoying each other so far. But when we met there was definitely sparks as our good reparté carried over to the face to face meeting. We both were very attracted to one another and our conversation flowed easily as it had over email and the phone. That to me are real sparks. I've had this feeling 3 times over my life and each time it was the same. Both physical and mental attraction. The other attractive women I've dated? No sparks, just an appreciation of a great looking woman. Some of the less attractive women I've dated? Great connection on a personal level but nothing else. Basically a friend.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

Thing I never understand so please explain Posted: 2/6/2008 11:26:07 AM
The picture thing is tricky. True, some people are not photogenic but that can be alleviated with lighting most times. Also, posed pics are hard to do as you look unnatural. However, despite what you are saying, you do look like your pic whether you like it or not. Take a terrible pic of someone and show it people who know that person and they'll pick you out. People sometimes don't like how they appear in photos because they don't feel they look that way. It may not be 100% but its you for better or for worse. People don't care that you're a work in progress. All they care about is the now. So you've lost 50lbs? Great, good for you! Still have 50 to go? Good luck with that! Just about anyone can lose some weight, losing all the excess weight is another matter and keeping it off is another matter altogether. Accept the fact that people aren't into fat. Some don't care, they're not too hard to find.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Should I get OUT of the sea? Posted: 2/6/2008 9:43:38 AM
NEVER feel pressured to do anything you aren't comfortable doing no matter what any of these guys say. There are so many people on here just playing around, using this and other sites as a forum for getting laid. Anybody worth knowing will respect your wishes and give you the time you feel you need. As for responding to emails? You owe nobody anything on this site. You're a good looking girl and probably receiving many emails a day. Unless you're ready to hire a secretary you won't have the time to respond the way you feel you should. If you must, then the standard "Thanks but no thanks" will suffice. Yes, you will receive hate mail in response, ignore it. However, some men seem to feel that if you respond with something more than the standard, that its an invitation to continue correspondence. Its great when someone takes this online dating stuff seriously and tries to be a good person and use proper etiquette and manners but you'll quickly find out (sounds like you are already) that you're wasting your time as online dating is full of idiots that will only make your life miserable. Search thru the forums and you'll see this is often true. Best to just read/delete if you aren't interested. Save yourself some grief.

aka joe

Joined: 8/4/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

In love with the sex. Posted: 2/6/2008 9:31:20 AM
If she thinks you are "the One" even though the only thing that seems to be working between you is the sex, then she is dumber than a bag of hammers, another reason not to stick around. Been there done that. You can't have sex 24/7, there has to be more for it to work. This sounds like a sexist comment on men in general. Just so you know, we're not all horndogs who are happy to just get some.

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