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Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

dating other people Posted: 11/25/2009 6:03:39 PM
If what you want differs from what he is willing to offer, then you know your answer. No one persons way is better than the other, each is entitled to thier own happiness if differs from the one you are with. We each have to choose our own path in life, if both want the same thing, thats great, if not then have to find somone that wants something similar.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Ex Girlfriends as friends? Posted: 11/25/2009 5:58:48 PM
Yes let her move on with her life and find someone who wants her and her child. If you hang around it will conflict with her getting on with her life. When you find the right women you can have a child of your own. I supose its up to the mother if she thinks its better for her child to remain friends. The child is young enough to seperate with out any emotional effects.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

How do I tell him this? Posted: 11/25/2009 5:37:15 PM
You need to tell him. If he is that great guy he will understand or learn if he should be concerned.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 42 (view)

Have you ever received a Xmas present that made things a deal breaker? Posted: 11/25/2009 5:08:24 AM
Definetly not deal breakers. Christmas or holiday gifts are just tokens of ones esteem, just a way to say I reembered you this time of the year. In that essence a gift is a token symbol of that relationship, but I dont see the need for extravegence in gift giving, it is too fake a gesture. Having to be bought off or outdo in gifts is manipulative behavior and frankly thats why most people dont accept innapropriate gifts. I think its more the thought and what went into the selection and why you/they chose the gift they gave. Tradition dictates gift giving, as well as merchants need to sell you everything under the sun during the holiday season. I think gifts that are given outside of holidays occasions can be excuses for the emotional support others need. Like the "make up gift or I am sorry gift". It is a poor excuse for an appology or an understanding converstaion.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Canceling dates before even meeting - why? Posted: 11/24/2009 4:58:48 PM
Could be anything. Could have something to do with correspondance, something said or way something was implied prior to the meet. Just a guess, cause there would be no reason to cancel unless one felt uncomfortable. Or like the above comment, could be a string of bad luck. 3out of 4 would make it 75percent

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

A general question. Posted: 11/24/2009 2:14:54 PM
I would tell the truth, I would say yes, why are you asking? But I wouldnt loan or give anyone money who asks such a question , what I have is to be put to good use for my sake not for others. I work to support myself no one else. If I knew the person well and knew they were good for it then I would consider it but no one else especially a new dating prospective, its just not a question a stranger should be asking someone, thats left for panhandling"can you spare a dollar? I dont wish to date panhandlers. I suppose carrying a card instead of cash should be the right thing to do that way you can avoid such manipulative questions.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Why do you think some of the people act different in relationships? Posted: 11/24/2009 2:06:57 PM
Family dynamics possibly, ie still living out something that wasent resolved in childhood which shows up in the relationships they form.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Let's turn this around... Posted: 11/24/2009 10:32:58 AM
I think telling the truth to other person in a generalization, "that you dont see the relationship working out" you dont have to be specific just that "it doesnt feel right to you". Others will respect that the relationship doesnt feel good to you emotionally. Its much easier to deal with than a non responding person, which is very rude behavior and I suppose they could be a coward, not very attractive characteristics.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 53 (view)

marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces? Posted: 11/24/2009 4:38:19 AM
Marrage is never out. I see it as a nessessary when deciding to have a family with someone. It implys security, bonds for life, although most us know its easy to get a divorce. But when chidren are involved its not something to take lightly, you want your children to grow up strong and healthy. If they know thier parents are that committed and united having the same last name , ect. I think its for the children mostly and any security that the wife may gain by the documentations. Emotional bonds between the two I think has to be there and maintained for a marrage to succeed.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Help! Posted: 11/24/2009 4:24:40 AM
There are men out there who are emotionally and financially prepared to be husbands and fathers. But might require you search out those qualities in the guy you are looking to date you. Many may not have yet developed those characteristics. The hormones will not ever stop, it is a fact that men have 15x the hormones and drive for sex as women do, so that drive will last way into life.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

hey guys need your advice Posted: 11/24/2009 4:07:02 AM
I think since your concerned you percieve relationships as equal giving. If you rely on gifts it will not be satisfactory. You should say(not suggest or ask), that next date is on me(you). Suggesting or asking implys he is less of a man, not being able to financially provide. Thats why if make a positive statement of picking up the next expense the date incurs, he may realize today both parties can split the expenses of the dating. It will enable the two of you to get together and do more things with two incomes available providing for the expenses.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 122 (view)

Momma's boy Posted: 11/24/2009 3:53:25 AM
The dynamics of mommas boy is a dysfunctional one. The boy takes place and responsability of what the husband was suppose to provide his wife. It could of been for any reason that his mother put that requirement on him. The role was forced on the little boy and had to give up his childhood to be the child adult the mother wanted but which her husband wasent providing her. I imagine you could never live up to his mothers expectations, because she cant let go of her boy, she sees you of taking him away from her. I think there must be a struggle taking place with his mother and him which is forcing him to loose his mother if he disobeys her. Too much for him to bear. I am sure you love this man otherwise you would not be so upset. I believe he is misplacing his blame, he probably needs to be blaming his unblamable mother but if he does jepordizes the love she provides him. He needs some therapy to realize he is an adult child. If he can learn why he behaves due to this, then he may have a chance at a normal life of his own away from his mother. My guess is he had a poor male role model for a father as well.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Guys that want no strings attached Posted: 11/23/2009 7:57:58 PM
Could be any of those you guessed at. I would think if he wants no strings attached is he may be someone else or seperated from someone. He may be cautious about getting involved to quickly, ie isnt ready for a new committment at the time.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

What is LOVE? Posted: 11/23/2009 7:48:40 PM
I would think someone that throws around the word a lot, would have to use vocal tone to identify the nature of the love, just a theory. I dont use the word love a lot unless I really mean it. Being from a family that didnt express emotions well, I relay more on actions than on words.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 48 (view)

How do YOU stop loving someone Posted: 11/23/2009 5:00:02 PM
I dont think "what wrong they did to you before they left" but try to understand why you may or may not have done to cause her to leave. What was her reason for leaving? You have to ask her that question. And then work on that if it applies, and let her know, that now you understand better that you are going to work on it. I dont think its a good idea to push your feelings aside cause you will resent from doing that. You try to deal with it the best way possible.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

two different body temps and sleeping Posted: 11/23/2009 4:50:51 PM
Buy and extra sheet, so you both sleep how is comfortable to you both.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 57 (view)

told myself I would never do it Posted: 11/23/2009 4:19:08 PM
The marrage is on the rocks, you screwed your friends wife, no sympathy for me. Never ever screw a friends wife. Now when there getting a divorce she can give him a spike, by the way "I did your best friend so and so". You think you have problems now, you better get the heck out of Dodge, cause once he know you did her, you wont be able to watch your own back.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 39 (view)

How Much Should I Disclose? Posted: 11/23/2009 8:17:44 AM
No dont get yourself involved, disclosing information will put you in a precarious position. If the women intrested cant talk to the guy normally, that is her loss. You may owe it to Dirk that she has been asking questions about him. You actually dont know what her intensions are.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

Would like your opinion Posted: 11/23/2009 4:25:10 AM
I think he is a natural at being caring, a characteristic you were smitten with. Along with similar intrests and a nice kiss may have made it easy for you emotionlly click with him. Like I said he is probably a caring person and may not have made that emotional bond with you that you made with him. Many people kiss when they feel the urge to kiss, emotional bonds are much stronger and develop over time. The "L word" love is only healthy for both parties when it is mutually a reality with both parties. You may have made the conncetion which is why you are experiencing feelings of love. Was it wrong to feel love, no we all hope for love in return for that which we feel but lives of others are just as complex our own, so you dont know if the other feels the same way that you do until it is revealed.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 72 (view)

PLEASE HELP!!!! Posted: 11/23/2009 4:19:08 AM
You both are punishing him, rejecting him, for extended periods of time. Dont you think extended time gives one reason to seek love else where when you withdrawl your love. He obviously has unresolved emotional issues which is being brought to the surface by your characteristics, long term punishment and withdrawl of love and continuing to relate with him. What emotional and sexual support he needed he looked elsewhere for.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

bi man marrying women Posted: 11/23/2009 4:09:46 AM
I dont think its a male/female question. I think physical attraction is and always will be well and alive, just look at all the good looking people in our world. I also believe committment is giving your all to your SO which means sex also. Your emotional bond is with the SO, so it is her/him you should stay committed to, and not react like an animal on your urges and desires for someone other than the SO

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

Cheating Posted: 11/23/2009 3:34:41 AM
Why do people cheat? Lack of strong emotional bond between one or both of the partners. What do you consider cheating? When you act on or put someone other before the emotional bond you have with your SO Behavior, intention or acting on being with anyone other than your SO. Is watching porn considered cheating? Porn is a fantisy, what is going on inside someones head could be grounds for cheating if there fantisy is being with someone else on the film. I think that is a form of cheating. Is going to a strip club considered cheating? If going to strip clubs gets a "rise" out of ya, your setting yourself up. But no, in general its not cheating, its just fantisy. Do you think it's easier to cheat now days with all of the technology we have than back in the old days? I think its more convient with the advent of the computer in everyones home. There are services allowing you contact "call girls". That makes it easier. If cheated on, would you stay w/ the person who cheated on you? why or why not? I have been cheated on and no I havent and wouldnt stay with the person who cheated on me except if I was married and had children. Then I would want to have therapy and or marrage couciling for the innapropriate behavior. If you are the one that cheated, do you ever feel guilty about what you have done? or do you feel a sense of accomplishment because you pulled it off? Yes I cheated once, when I was around twenty, I had been cheated on by this person and made the mistake of not breaking off the relationship before starting a new one. I had a unrealistic view of what occured in the relationship. I thought there might of been hope to salvage it, but didnt have the emotional tools to accomplish it. There is no sense of accomplishment when one cheats, actually the other, failure and betrayal.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 96 (view)

pic on first date Posted: 11/22/2009 11:18:58 AM
I suppose people might find a picture taken without thier approval invading on them. I guess its the sort of boundries you have set on picture taking. Although I would not take pictures, if someone took one of me, I dont know why someone would but I suppose it would be a compliment. In the world of photography I dont know if it is legal or illegal to take pictures. I do know that a agreement has to be made if those pictures are going to be used commerically .

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

sticking to your own 'kind' Posted: 11/22/2009 7:41:29 AM
Interacial relations(dating) was learned growing up, not on the website. I have split thoughts on the topic. While in the home they opposed interracial, I come to embrace it for my best friend to this day is of other ethnicity. To me all people are human and limiting oneself to externals is blocking off who they are and your ability to know and have a relationship with them. We all belong to the human race.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 40 (view)

favorite beatles song Posted: 11/22/2009 7:12:51 AM
The Beatles, "Hey Jude" is my favorite song because it makes me remember I am human and need to stay open to others. I also like Blackbird, Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds, and With a little help from my friends

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 29 (view)

Having a younger child Posted: 11/21/2009 9:08:45 PM
I dont think you need to list the childrens ages, you can just state how many you have. What do men think about dating a women with a young 8year old child. They think you have at least another 10 to 14 years remaining raising your child

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 89 (view)

How much do we tolerated before calling it quits ???? Posted: 11/21/2009 9:04:01 PM
only you and your therapist know for sure

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

Conscience Bothering Me Posted: 11/21/2009 8:46:44 PM
If you want to complete the converstation, just mention to him, the other night when we were drinking, I didnt get a chance to finish our conversation when your friends stopped by.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 69 (view)

My Best Friend's Girl Posted: 11/21/2009 7:45:40 PM
Ya break up with your boyfriend and go with his friend. I have a feeling this friend doesnt have that long either.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Communicating every day Posted: 11/21/2009 6:21:58 PM
I suppose as much or as little time as you have in order to feel how the relationship is going.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Can a relationship really last if diff sex drives? Posted: 11/21/2009 4:19:54 PM
I suppose living with someone is different than loving someone. Sex is just sex. I can see the disassociation of the three, and I can see the selfish aspect. I dont think sex and living together is nessearrily a avenue to love. Advice: Look for someone who loves you and you love them before considering moving in with someone. Without love in the element you only have a cold business agreement

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 80 (view)

The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not. Posted: 11/21/2009 12:05:19 PM
Why is it that you want to make the decision for the man(retired). Dont you think if he finds you a drag on his lifestyle he would have thrown you back into the pond with the other fishies. Instead of worring why not just enjoy the time that you are granted, relatonships dont have some mathematical formula that gaurantees it to be a LTR. Do you want to give up someone who cares about you because he has put in the years required to be retired.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 94 (view)

I have zero experience with older men. Posted: 11/21/2009 11:59:53 AM
I see you are having some problem dealing with a man older than you are. Well somone has to be older, like in your previous relationships you were the older one but that was by intension. I think in any relationship if there is an attraction that brings you together, then the both of you will find the best way to deal with the sexual factor involved.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

Baseball Caps, Pecs and Six-Packs, Sexual monikers Posted: 11/21/2009 11:45:25 AM
I imagine they are appealing for that other small percentage that is left behind.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 42 (view)

Do you feel you Do More in a relationship - Or does your SO do more for you? Posted: 11/21/2009 11:36:34 AM
I dont think anyone can sit back and get all that love and attention because sitting back implying not giving only recieving. Which makes for an unequal and most likely disfuctional relationship. With each give an acceptance and something is given back in return, an equlibrium needs to constantly be maintained.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Staying married for the Tax benefits, or for the mortgage. Posted: 11/21/2009 10:54:24 AM
Thats sounds like a hollywood money script, two people who dont enjoy living near one another staying together for money. I think if that much money was at stake it would be easier to split the assetts and expenses and move on with thier lives. I think anytime a loss occurs it can either be accepted or denied. Acceptance though painful at times brings with it understanding. Denial a heap of problems.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Internet daters: are we damaging our social skills? Posted: 11/21/2009 8:39:51 AM
Agree, you dont date online, just prospects that maybe dateable. Dating is in the real world while POF is a virtual experience from the comfort and advantage of your home.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Variations of the Average. Posted: 11/21/2009 5:32:02 AM
All other relationships are an exchange of goods on some level. As you guessed, what you are selling will require the right buyer to come along. If apples and potatoes isnt the veg of the day. Try some spices and herbs.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

he likes you he likes you not Posted: 11/21/2009 5:22:04 AM
Elisabeth, Its natural to be upset over a loss. Its not something that anyone wants. There is too many factors as to why he was one time attracted and then wanting out of a relationship. Just remember many men come from disfunctional families and and other learn that men shouldnt be sensative and emotional, our society teaches this to men. He may be playing out a drama that is related to childhood which you had a star role playing in. A man that talk and share his thoughts and emotions with you, has a better chance at a LTR. This person you speak of doesnt show that potential.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

On professionals and commitment (interesting one) Posted: 11/21/2009 3:40:29 AM
I dont know if it is common to most companies, but obviously it is to your company to hire married sales people. Maybe being married shows a willingness to succeed in the business world in order for one to take care of the family, your employer knows what is important to a married person, a good stable job and that seems to be what the company is providing thier sales team.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

cant love or trust and feel like am losing my girl and myself Posted: 11/20/2009 5:49:50 PM
You express emotional concerns about three issues. 1. An ex who cheated on you. But redily was back in a relationship in two months 2.Expressed concern due to "feeling messed up" over ex cheating. 3.Current girlfriend uninhibited and opening looking at other men, and admits to doing it. 4.Current girlfriend pregnant with another mans baby. 5.Current girlfrient hurting you with her behaviors. With her permiscuious behavior and being pregnant with another mans baby, I am amazed that you believe she considers you her boyfriend. I think its considerate that your feeling empathy toward the mother and unborn baby. Realize that they are not your responsability and that this women may never stop her permiscuous ways and you stated you have issues with that. Reevalute your situation, not hers but your part in it. There is nothing wrong with being her friend if she wants your friendship but she hasent been acting respectable if you think she is a girlfriend, she isnt displaying characteristics of one if she looks at other men in your presence and it is just emotionally an attack on you. You both need some counciling. Read the title to your thread, "Cant love or trust, ......................."

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

men and emotional maturity Posted: 11/20/2009 12:46:39 PM
Lol, that was a funny line, "many men dont fare well in captivity, uhm, marriage I mean". But oh so true. Those who have been dating for a short duration before they loose consiousness and take the big dive into matrimoney usually have no idea once they realize the cage door is closed. If your going to Las Vegas to gamble, you will have better odds at the casinos then will you have at Elvis Presley Wedding Chappel

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 42 (view)

Wants to know about past realationship Posted: 11/20/2009 8:57:52 AM
If some men are really curious , I tell them """"I burned the bridges that I crossed."""" Because I respect the men that I connected in my past,what ever happened between us that is just between us Thats a very clever way to say you dont want anyone knowing you that well.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

Meant to be alone Posted: 11/20/2009 8:33:48 AM
I hear this advice being given a lot. But I don't know anyone it's worked for. It seems to be what people say to make someone feel better about no longer making an effort to meet a compatible person. It's kind of like "If you can't get what you want, pretend you don't want it." Which actually can help you feel better, so nothing wrong with that. But Love won't necessarily "find you" no matter what you do. So repressing what you want(but dont need). Like a man in your life, you want one but dont need one. Love is a hard attainable endevor, it can last a long time with somone or can disappear like dust in the wind at the most unexpectable time.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 88 (view)

Problems with the Past Posted: 11/20/2009 8:19:06 AM
I think if you have to bring up the issue, it may not be resolved yet. Most men dont know how to deal with someone elses abuse. Have you seeked out therapy for the issues? What you are telling a man is you are not ready for a relationship, no man wants to be the agression of someones past childhood sexual abuse. I think learning to deal with it so it doesnt appear in the bond you develope with a SO instead of a maternal parent would help to prolong a relationship

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

men and emotional maturity Posted: 11/20/2009 7:50:50 AM
I think Barrys analogy was a hamsters content with having a women pet owner taking care of it by feeding it(hamster pellets), as opposed to living with a man, who may not be up to the emotional challenge of demands placed upon him by his women . It would be easier if he was a hamster.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Finding Out How Interested He Is...And Why Posted: 11/20/2009 6:23:38 AM
Thats because men and women are condtioned into the roles they play. Women will look for a man like daddy was. Men like a women like mom was. How intrested he is or teching one or the other how to deal with the other can be a futile experience because you cant change someone else. Each of us will have to have an inherent reason to change themselves so they can be a better person for someone else.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Meant to be alone Posted: 11/20/2009 5:59:02 AM
I also relay on pet companionship many years of my life. I found out it was due to being deprived the emotional support and was therefore neglected as a child, the only attention which was unconditional came from the house pet. Its sad that the pet got the attention while the people were so distant emotionally. It makes it difficult in relationships. Maybe you will gain more satisfaction with a man that is also a cat lover. Children grow up to be like the parents,"the apple doesnt fall far from the tree"

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Depression Posted: 11/20/2009 5:34:13 AM
It shows concern you have for her, but if she is distracted it is for a reason, and all the internalizing others do for her will not change her if she doesnt know better to change for herself.

Serenity Sam

Joined: 4/24/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date Posted: 11/20/2009 3:41:23 AM
If you find that she isnt a financially responsable individual, then you know she someone you do not want to be dating and dont call her anymore. There are many women out there today that have good jobs and dont consider taking men for granted. We know the norm is if your invited, your the guest and the invite suppose to pay. Best not to be rude about it, and to the manly thing, repress your anger emotion(again) and suck it up. You can go to the gym to work off the frustration after the date. The benefit of dating all kinds educates you on who you want to see for additonal dates or those you just walk away from . Edit: I read on a few of the posts, that if you make it clear from the first date that you expect her to share, then you establish her fiscal responsability when she sees you.

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