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crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

Mans Body Language… Posted: 12/1/2006 12:11:50 AM
Touching on what others have said, everything about your success in interacting with dating interests boils down to confidence. It can be quiet confidence or outspoken confidence. If you have or work to develop self-assurance, it wil permeate through all that you say and do. At that point, you won't have to worry about body language, it will come naturally. That said, to answer you question, keep your head up, eye contact is key and be deliberate in the things that you do (which means either be yourself where things come naturally or think before you act). Howeverm walking the proverbial walk is one thing. Just because you follow every correct body language tip to perfection, it still won't address a lack of self confidence (not saying that you do). It all comes from within first, not the outward body language.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

Losing a Social Life For The One Your Dating Posted: 12/1/2006 12:04:52 AM
As we all know, men and women are built differently on many levels, which is part of what makes this whole game fun. Most of my female friends readily admit that girls hold grudges, are quick to internalize and take things personally, and always let emotion/drama get the better of them in some way shape or form relative to guys. It is what it is......just another mystery that I'll probably never figure out.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 19 (view)

Beware: eHarmony sucks... Posted: 11/30/2006 11:57:55 PM
There's no doubt they game the system as much as they can. At the end of the day, these dating sites are a business.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

We've all dealt with this, advice please Posted: 2/12/2006 5:07:54 PM
These are the types of ninja techniques that I'd like to hear about from people. Well, I've got a second date coming up with a dating interest. I didn't go in for the kiss the first time but I won't let that happen again (assuming I'm not getting a "no way" vibe).

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

We've all dealt with this, advice please Posted: 2/12/2006 2:09:51 PM
I see your point but you're talking about a split second window where the guy has to catch an eye and determine if it is a "look" and then make a move. That's tough for most.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

We've all dealt with this, advice please Posted: 2/12/2006 2:02:21 PM
I'm not ashamed for not making a move on the first date. It's just sometimes awkward only because someone (generally the guy) has to break from the usual goodnight conversation and make the first move. I know not kissing on the first date isn't the end of the world but I'm just wondering about how to make it a little less awkward or if there is some technique that some fellas use to help them transition into it. Sometimes, it's just as simple as making eye contact, drawing close and leaning in, but many times it's not even that easy. I'm surprised no guys have any hints or advice on how to conquer this challenge.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

We've all dealt with this, advice please Posted: 2/12/2006 12:39:12 PM
I'm a guy who can hold a conversation with just about anyone. I've been told by many dates that I'm polite, attractive, funny and smart. I've gotten pretty good at the date part of dating. The part I always seem to get hung up on is at the end of the night when we've both had a pretty good time and I'm dropping her off. That's right, I'm talking about the dreaded "moment". To kiss or not to kiss, that is the question. Now, if there is crazy chemistry and she's giving off a ton of fairly clear signals that a kiss would be welcome then it's a no-brainer for me. But most of the time it isn't that easy and I'm not sure. For whatever reason I always seem to lock up and just leave without trying a kiss, which puts more pressure on me at the end of the second date. Can anyone throw out some input on how others approach this? I'd be interested in what other guys have done but I'd also be very interested in what women think too. Thanks.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

Should I be celibate? Posted: 12/2/2005 12:44:31 PM
A bit off topic here and I'm sure you've given it a ton of thought, but at 22-years old and single, are you sure you're in the best position to provide for a child right now in your life? And I agree, you have to think for two people now so its probably not a good idea to sleep around even though your hormones are driving you nuts. Just another comment, not being able to hook up because your pregnant seems to be the tip of the iceberg in life changes. After having the kid, dating in general is going to be a lot more challenging. Simple things like going to the gym, happy hours, dentist, movies, or mechanic suddenly require an extra level of planning and complexity. I don't have a kid but one of my friends does and I see the struggles she goes through. Plus, the financial toll is rough. I don't mean to preach. I'm sure whatever decision you make will be the best one for you. Good luck.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly Posted: 12/2/2005 11:12:26 AM
It's just another way to meet people and shouldn't be the substitute for an active lifestyle of meeting people in person. Just like at the bars or wherever, it's a numbers game. The more you try and put yourself out there and take chances, the more likely you'll be successful. The online thing puts you in touch with a ton of people from all over, many of whom you'd never meet at the bars. I think there's value in that. Like many others, my strength is in my personal presentation, not my "digital charm and wit". That's why I stay active outside of the online world too. Plus, if I meet someone online, I'll try to get them on the phone and talk to them live so I can see if there is anything there and not leave it up to her interpreting emails of all things to determine the fate of the connection. I've been on more dates in the last year or so then the previous 28 years combined. Many of them were from online. After you make initial contact over email and get a phone number, then you are at a point that is no different from getting someone's number from whatever source. You talk, you meet and decide. That said, haven't found anyone special yet but they were all nice people....well, except for one of them. I'm optimistic though. Everyone in the dating world needs to be positive about this potentially terrible process because if you become negative about it, then that will permeate through everything you say and do and that's a big turnoff. Not to sound egotistical, but I've got entirely too much going for me not to find someone, as long as I keep trying and putting myself out there, which is precisely what the online thing can help you do.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

WTF? Posted: 11/23/2005 10:21:39 AM
Nice job self-promoting....

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

we clicked but is it the wrong road Posted: 11/23/2005 10:16:29 AM
There was a thread that I read a while ago where a woman was a single mom, lived in government housing, was going back to school and was on welfare. A lot of guys indicated that they probably wouldn't date her because her life seemed too unstable and were afraid she might cling on or be a gold-digger. Well, a lot of those guys got slammed by women who labeled them as shallow and heartless and made Utopian comments about how the heart is the most important thing, and chemistry is most important, etc. I personally look for my equal. I'm not just talking about financial equal but intellectually, emotionally, physically, academically and so on. I don't expect of others what I do not have but I do seek out the people who possess the characteristics and lifestyle that I value in myself. I'm not going presume to know enough to tell you exactly what the right move is. His situation may or may not be a dealbreaker depending on the person. However, it is most definitely a huge red flag. And I really think having him move in is not a good idea until he can at least show he has the mature ability to be self-sustaining in his own place.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

is she interested or not.. Posted: 11/23/2005 9:03:41 AM
I have female friends who do this sort of thing. They'll give their number out and flirt to no end making the guy think they're really into them. They may or may not be interested in the guy but the thing that they like is the attention and the feeling of being pursued. I'm not saying all women are like this or that this particular girl is like this but just offering an explanation from my own experiences. That said, I think you've made it clear that you're interested so you shouldn't have any reservations about leaving it alone. However, if you want to give it one more shot just to ease your mind then another phone call (since email can be too easily dismissed and forgotten) to ask her out on a specific night for specific plans wouldn't be out of the question. Have something specific in mind like dinner and then mini-golf or whatever. The point is to give her a solid plan to say yes or no to instead of ambiguously saying, "Let's hang out." If she says she's busy on that night then ask when she'll be free. If she dodges that then you've got your ultimate answer. If that happens then I'd leave it like, "Sounds like you've got a really busy schedule. Why don't you drop me a line when the smoke clears and then we'll go from there." Good luck.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

Can you be too thin? Posted: 11/22/2005 1:43:45 PM
To answer your question, yes there is a point where thinness can be unattractive to some, but that's a very general statement. You haven't posted any photos of your body so I can't give you my opinion on you specifically. Based on your face, you look beautiful and just fine weight-wise. I will say that I know infiinitely more guys who would prefer dating someone who was too thin than someone who was overweight. It's all about personal preference and perspective. If I were you, I wouldn't worry about my appearance one bit. You're beautiful and in good shape to run that much so you are far, far ahead of the curve.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 27 (view)

This is a touchy subject... Posted: 11/22/2005 9:30:57 AM
As an asian guy who has come across a lot of non-asian women who don't date outside of their race, my advice is just don't answer their messages. That's it, just that simple. I could easily start giving you a hard time about why you don't like non-white guys (since I'm one) but I understand that everyone has their preferences for their own reasons. That said, you're getting this opinion from a reliable source, just don't respond to their messages. This happens thousands of times a day on this site. If they badger you, then block them but I think most guys will get the hint if they don't get an initial response. I understand the position of some women to write something polite and vague, but what's the point? If you're not interested then you don't owe anyone any explanations. Not to mention, by responding to them you're opening the door for them to respond back, which you probably don't want.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

I am still sleeping with ex-girlfriend...who left me for someone else Posted: 11/22/2005 9:17:08 AM
^^^^It's not complex because none of us are emotionally tied into it. It becomes very confusing when you're right in the mix of things and you've got 12 different emotions messing with your head. sounds like she is handling business like a lot of guys do! Coaster, that's not a very fair statement to make. Guys do not have a patent on cheating. There are just as many sketchy woman out there as there are sketchy guys. This girl cheated on him and left him and is now cheating again with him (clearly a girl with no morals or character) yet you somehow turned this around to make an indictment on men. How does that work????

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

Messages that WORK Posted: 11/21/2005 5:00:30 PM
biggestskeleton, you took the words right out of my mouth. I always make an active attempt at personalizing my emails but if I've read through a profile (and some of them are only 2 or 3 lines long) and I have nothing to go with, then it is that person's error in not putting more effort into her profile. Like biggestskeleton said, so many ladies have the same basic profile and a lot of guys aren't left with much to really say besides trite questions like "What do you do for fun?" I've sat and stared at a profile for an extended period of time to come up with some kind of personable question to ask based on their profile and don't come up with anything. Now is that my fault due to lack of effort or the profile's fault for lack of depth and dimension? And what is wrong with the question, "What do you do for fun?" I don't see anything wrong with that question when its the very first communication and you're very much still in the get-to-know-you phase. Some of you ladies can't be so demanding as to expect every line of a guy's email to be overflowing with wit, charm and poetry. At the same time, most of you deserve much more than "You're hot, wanna f*ck?" Ladies, help us out a little and us quality guys will rise to the challenge. I promise.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

1 in 4 of us? Posted: 11/21/2005 4:45:04 PM
I admire your heart and we could all take a lesson from your example. Here are my two cents, your physical condition is in no way an indictment of your personality or character (which is all that should matter in a perfect world). Unfortunately though, many people on this site will prejudge you because of the "H stigma". While I certainly don't advise you to lie or misrepresent your condition, I think it would be better if you didn't mention it in the very first few lines of your online profile simply for the sake of your success in getting as many looks on this site as possible. Much in the same way that others shouldn't post detailed information about financial problems, divorces or unemployment at the very start of their profiles, nor should you post your condition there. I think it would be perfectly legitimate for you to either mention it briefly at the end of your profile or not at all in your online profile. For the latter path, if you meet someone and things are going well, then you should obviously tell her but my point is that you may not ever make it to that point if ladies read the first few lines of your profile and get nervous. If you meet a match who you are truly compatible with, then your condition shouldn't matter, but by being too upfront about it, you're pushing yourself a couple steps behind the proverbial starting line with some ladies. Either way, I wish you great luck.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

I am still sleeping with ex-girlfriend...who left me for someone else Posted: 11/21/2005 4:30:24 PM
Get out of it. I know its hard to walk away because you have feelings for her and there is a level of comfort and familiarity that is hard to come by, but what you're doing isn't healthy for you long-term. Like you said, the trust is gone. She cheated on you and now she's cheating on the "other" guy. There is no way you could have a real relationship with this girl so you should get out and get on with your life. Take some time to hang out with the fellas, be a bachelor for a while, get your head straightened out and then start dating again when you're 100% back on your feet. This is the formula I used after my last breakup (where she cheated on me and then asked me back) and it worked well. I know its hard to follow this advice but the hardest part of to distance yourself from "her" and then things get better. Good luck.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 29 (view)

Just my opinion Posted: 11/21/2005 2:49:27 PM
No, serendipitous chance....

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 31 (view)

this has been done to death.. but I want to vent Posted: 11/21/2005 2:42:33 PM
Dixylynn57, That's terrible, sweetheart. I know it is really tough to not take something like that personally. This is the hardest thing about dating, in order to do it right you need to open yourself up, and as a result, you may get hurt. However, I think these challenges make it that much sweeter when you finally find someone. Stay positive and don't give up. Another way to look at it is that you've just eliminated one potential waste of time from your dating calendar. Now you can move on and focus on the rest of the eligible dating interests.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 27 (view)

Just my opinion Posted: 11/21/2005 1:12:16 PM
In my previous rant, I didn't actually address the real topic. In line with what I wrote before, all things being equal I'd rather have a significant other to spend the holidays with, however, for me that's the wrong detail to focus on or even think about. The holidays are an awesome time for me to visit friends and family that I haven't seen in a while. Would it be nice to have some time to warm up with some "lucky" lady in front of chestnuts roasting on an open fire? Sure. But I like thinking about the massive dinners, good laughs, parties and after X-mas sales instead. I guess my whole thing is, there is a silver lining in all situations and you can choose to or not to embrace it. Life's too short for the latter. And Little Northern, it is you who is the angel. I just live in your world hoping for a small taste of the divinity you represent (can't believe you're single).

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

Just my opinion Posted: 11/21/2005 11:07:53 AM
My approach to being single but being on the active look-out for a mate is to concentrate and focus on myself. Sounds counter-intuitive but let me explain. It seems that the harder I look, the less likely it happens. All the times I've found substantial relationships, I wasn't looking. So, for me, I think the best approach is to focus on my life and to make sure I'm the best I can be physically, intellectually, emotionally, professionally and financially so that when that special person comes into my life (which I have zero control over) I am at my best and can move forward without reservation or hesitation. Not to sound egotistical, but I know I've got a lot to offer a woman in all arenas of life and it's only a matter of time before I find someone (or her to find me). I'm not worried about where "she" is, but am more focused on where I am.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

how do i get an answer Posted: 11/18/2005 12:11:09 PM
Ladies, I see several of you looking for humor in letters, which makes sense to me. I always felt that one person's humor may not be funny to another (or might even be offensive). Plus, it's hard to interpret certain forms of humor over email. I add humor into my letters whenever I can, but I'm very careful with it. You ever read something that you think might be humor but you're more confused than anything?

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

how do i get an answer Posted: 11/18/2005 12:07:18 PM
i never know what to say.this is what i put see what you think: just thought i would say hi. i am looking to make new friends. if you want to chat get in touch. kind regards. chris.....well how is that? That's not a bad start, Chris. Youv'e got a good foundation of being polite and not pushy. Now take the time to read the person's profile and make the effort of finding out more about her personality in what she has written. Some girls don't write much at all in their profiles so the letter you wrote above is all you can really do. However, most girls give you some insight into who they are. Read it and adjust your letter to be more personable. If you show that you're sincerely interested in her as a person and not just blindly scrolling through pics then you are much better off in the long run. I just want to add that I'm a guy and the ladies on this thread can give you their own personal opinions, which is probably what you're more interested in. However, I don't think I'm way off base in my approach. Hope this helps.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

how do i get an answer Posted: 11/18/2005 12:01:26 PM
Everyone has their own style. In general though you want to be personable but not creepy. I think it is important to be succinct and not too verbose. I, personally, keep my initial emails to about a paragraph or maybe 4-5 sentences. I think if you write a book on the first email, then you are likely revealing/asking too much too fast which can be a turn-off. Also, I make sure I comment on something specific about them that I noticed (not physical) and remain polite. No woman likes to feel like you just looked at her pic and cut and pasted a typical email to her without having read anything that she wrote. You may see a pic where the girl is beautiful but her profile indicates everything that you are against, or vice versa. Guess what you should do with that profile? Nothing. Most importantly, be yourself and not write what you "think" is the "correct" thing to write. Good luck.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

deleting profile while mailing/talking... Posted: 11/17/2005 2:52:46 PM
I haven't had it happen to me but it just seems like some of these people might have been at their wits end with their experiences with POF. Maybe they were just lukewarm in talking to you and just decided to stop messing around online due to unrelated occurences. It could be anything and your time should be better spent moving on to others. I definitely wouldn't take it personally.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 20 (view)

For a first metting is this wrong? Mcdonalds? Posted: 11/4/2005 2:27:05 PM
Seems to be a split camp on this topic. My thought is to find a babysitter, even if it means delaying the meeting for a week. If you like this guy and see some potential then he should be understanding in the fact that you need to find someone to watch your child for an hour or two. Additionally, having this guy meet your daughter at the same time as meeting you for the first time may be sensory overload for the guy. Give him a chance to get to know you better first (which is the most important thing). He obviously knows you have a kid and that's all that is important at this stage. I think it is important for this guy to meet your kid at some point, just not at the initial get-to-know-you meeting. Now if this guy had a kid about the same age as yours, then bringing them both along to play together while you two got to meet for the first time would seem reasonable to me. Just my two cents here..... PS To answer the original question of the OP, assuming you take my advice and go without your child, find a classier place than a McDonalds for the first meeting, even a Starbuck's would work.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

Theory on why men should always approach Posted: 10/11/2005 9:10:39 AM
Everything being stated here makes sense to me. The woman who responded in the OP's post definitely had some interesting stuff to say. However, intuitively, all of us guys knew that already (i.e., that we stand a better chance by taking the initiative and approaching a girl in public). Whether in a night club or a grocery store, if you try you've got a shot, if you don't then you're guaranteed nothing. All in all though, girls still have the better position, to stand there and choose from a number of suitors. If you took an average looking guy and an average looking girl, both of the same attraction levels relative to their surroundings, and threw them into a bar and had them just hang out and not approach anyone, is there any question that the girl will stand a much better chance of getting a phone number, get hit on, hook up, or all of the above? I can sympathize with you girls a little bit that this position inevitably leads to a lot of guys trying to hit on you that you'd rather not talk to, in which case you're put on the spot, feel pressured and maybe don't want to be mean so you stand there talking to someone all the while thinking of a graceful way to get out. However, in dating, just like life, it is always better to have options than to not have options.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 36 (view)

Do you find this intimidating? Posted: 9/30/2005 10:06:43 AM
For me personally, ambition means someone who has chosen a path and is actively working towards becoming great at it because it is truly something that they want. Now this doesn't have to be a doctor or CEO or lawyer but it can be anything. For example, I have a friend who is a struggling musician. Instead of just loafing around playing random open mics for free beer she has really got after it by creating a very elaborate website, networking every minute of her day, booking gigs at every visible venue, has written and recorded multiple CD's and hired a producer. She knows what she wants and is willing to sacrifice and work her a$$ off for it and has immersed herself in the pursuit. I consider that ambition and its not necessarily tied to education, professional stature or money.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 25 (view)

Do you find this intimidating? Posted: 9/29/2005 11:15:10 PM
Not self-promoting, just wanting to see what others thought of the general theory of whether a strongly-worded profile can be interpreted as intimidating. I know that sometimes a women's profile can be intimidating to some guys so I just wanted to know if it works both ways, specifically in my case. However, I can see how you would think that, so we'll just have to agree to disagree about my intentions here.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

Do you find this intimidating? Posted: 9/29/2005 5:20:21 PM
I hear what you're saying, Luke. My intentions are clearly not to look down on anyone. Your own experiences may have struck a nerve and caused you to look too deeply into what I'm saying. I have my standards and those include a certain intellectual compatibility, professional accomplishment and well-balanced lifestyle. Just like those people who prefer a free-spirited sort of person, or a blonde or someone with dark eyes or someone who doesn't have kids, we all have our preferences for our own reasons. These aren't meant to make people feel badly but the fact is that there is a basic type of person that everyone on every dating site is looking for and we'd all be doing ourselves a disservice if we did not realize, understand and pursue those types of characteristics in other people. An online profile is just a snapshot of someone and not an in-depth reflection of that person. I have met people who are very well-educated on paper but turned out to be fairly clueless. So I agree that education doesn't necessarily mean intelligent, but its a possible start.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

Do you find this intimidating? Posted: 9/29/2005 4:41:32 PM
Yup, that's exactly it.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

Do you find this intimidating? Posted: 9/29/2005 4:32:58 PM
Thanks for all the responses. You've all kind of reinforced what I was thinking. For a while I wanted my profile to appeal to as broad of an audience as possible. The end result was a profile that was too vanilla and blended in with the countless other profiles out there. In other words, it wasn't a true representation of me. So I finally just re-wrote my profile in a similar manner to the way I think. It certainly doesn't appeal to as broad of an audience anymore but I've learned that that's not the point. The point is to find my match, which may only happen to each of us once in a blue moon...which is what makes it so special when it does happen.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

Do you find this intimidating? Posted: 9/29/2005 3:23:26 PM
ha ha ha...

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Do you find this intimidating? Posted: 9/29/2005 3:02:54 PM
Someone on this site mentioned this to me and then someone else just recently mentioned it again in a completely different forum. What these people mentioned was that my profile could be considered intimidating because I specifically wrote it to appeal to educated, professional, ambitious types (which is what I'm looking for). It was mentioned to me that such a direct profile could intimidate some, which sounds odd to me since I'm just writing about who I am and what I want. A girl mentioned to me that she has experienced a lot of guys being intimidated by her for these reasons. So I'm wondering if some girls might interpret some professional-type guys in a similar way? Does anyone have any thoughts on this or maybe experienced something similar? I never really thought about it until recently. And don't get me wrong, I'm not going to change my profile. I feel it's an accurate snapshot of me and what I'm looking for. Thanks.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 47 (view)

When to bring flowers? 1st, 2nd, ... date? Posted: 9/26/2005 5:38:49 PM
It's seems pretty clear that all you ladies here are big fans of flowers. I don't know any girls who aren't (except for the ones with allergies). I guess the only thing I caution guys on is when to give them, meaning try to make sure they are in the right context. For instance, if the girl isn't that into you or if she downright hates you, flowers won't work. The girl needs to be at least into somewhat to get the right response otherwise it can be interpreted as a little strange/psycho. Here's a real life story of where flowers didn't work adn this was a girl who kind of liked me. I started casually seeing a girl who I had met through a friend. We had been out on 2 or 3 dates and things were moving along normally. She mentioned over email that she was having a really bad day one day. So after work I bought her some of her favorite flowers and left them on her doorstep with a note that read, "Heard you had a bad day. Hope tomorrow is better." That's it. For whatever reason, this seemed to set the relationship backwards until it just died. She might have had issues or maybe such a gesture just freaked her out, but the moral of the story is that you need to pick your moments with the flowers for them to be most effective.....and even if you do there' still no guarantee that they'll elicit a warm reaction.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 25 (view)

no chemistry Posted: 9/25/2005 6:10:56 PM
Sorry to hear that you had a bad experience. Sounds like the guy has a bit to learn about dating. Standing up a date twice is inexcusable. I see your point about not confusing the person if you're not interested but at the same time if I call or email and she never gets back to me, there is little confusion to me in her lack of response (i.e, she doesn't want to talk to me). Maybe some people have a morbid desire to be rejected in specific words rather than unspoken signals but, in my humble opinion, the classic "no call back" is a pretty universal indicator that the other person is not interested. Now if you've been on multiple dates then I think a more personal way of letting the person go is appropriate. Let's look at the flip side of the coin, if you went on a first date that was great and were excited, or at least very open, to see the person again and that person contacts you after your first date, wouldn't you be more than happy to get back to them? I know I would be. So if I call or email someone after a first date and I don't hear back for a week let's say, well I got my answer on where she stands and I don't think I need to contact her again asking for an explanation. If I really liked the girl then I MIGHT try to contact her twice but that's the absolute limit because I'm not that guy who can't take a hint. Quite honestly ladies, is there anything more annoying or a turn-off then the guy who can't read between the lines in this regard?

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 23 (view)

no chemistry Posted: 9/25/2005 2:06:49 PM
First dates jitters can mask the chemistry beneath. When meeting for the first time, both people are trying to put their best foot forward and actively gauging what the other person is like. That said, its generally pretty clear if the other person is a total turn-off whether by physical presentation (i.e., sloppy, poor hygiene, etc.) or the things they say and their mannerisms (rude, vulgar, too forward, etc.). As long as there aren't any deal-breakers for me from the first date, I'm usually open for a second meeting where things become a bit more relaxed. Personally, I've become very relaxed on first dates and that seems to have a calming effect on my date. Lastly, I've been on first dates before where the girl hasn't contacted me again or I haven't responded to her voicemail/email or we both don't try to contact each other. If I try to contact her once and get no response after the first date then that's a clear sign to me to move on. No hard feelings, that's just the way the game works. I'm certainly not going to push her to explain herself. I think that's a waste of time and doesn't add any value to my or her romantic life. I personally don't think anyone owes anybody an explanation or apology after only one first date, unless there were special circumstances involved.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 41 (view)

When to bring flowers? 1st, 2nd, ... date? Posted: 9/25/2005 1:50:51 PM
I think flowers are always a great thing to present to someone who you are interested in. It's a classic sign of romance and chivalry that is a lost art. Some may think it cheesy and cliche, but I have yet to not get a smile and a blush from a date to whom I give flowers. That said, I think that if I've spoken to the girl a good amount and have gotten to know her pretty well then I think flowers on the first date can be appropriate. However, assuming you met her online, and have just exchanged a few short emails and are just meeting up for drinks then flowers might be a little over the top or out of context for s causal meet-and-greet happy hour drink. It all depends on the feel of the date which only you can gauge. Overall, flowers are a great idea. The question is whether to do it on the first date or not. If you make it to a second date then absolutely bring flowers.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 459 (view)

What do you attract? Posted: 9/25/2005 1:43:17 PM
I get a lot of older women. It's strange because girls younger than me or around my age are generally indifferent to me and my looks. But I've had several older women (mid-30's and up) tell me that they think I'm very good-looking. I can't explain it. One of my female friends tells me I have a classic look which I guess appeals more to the older crowd rather than the younger crowd who probably is looking more for the "Abercrombie-Laguna Beach-Maxim" look. Everyone has their preferences.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

Question: Dating more than one person.. Posted: 8/29/2005 9:02:32 PM
Technically most of the people her are right, when first meeting someone and going out on dates, there is no obligation implied or expressed until there is a discussion about it or maybe you guys have sex. Someone else said it here that when you're dating someone, that usually means that you see potential of something real there. If that's the case then would it be fair to yourself or that person to split your time and efforts between multiple people? If you don't see the potential for something real then why keep wasting your time? Me personally, I screen a lot of dating interests before we even go out. That means either over email, phone or interaction in groups. For those who I ask out and we go on a date together, I know that this person is a legit relationship possibility, and as a result I pay my attention to her until she is no longer a possibility. However, that's just me and I know others are able to juggle multiple people at once. I say follow your gut.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 90 (view)

What was the worst thing you or your ex has done or said after your split-up? Posted: 8/29/2005 8:53:21 PM
I broke up with my ex and moved out of our apartment because she cheated on me and lied about it. Somehow though, I was the bad guy (I never so much as hugged another girl inappropriately). So, not only did she refuse to pay back thousands of dollars owed to me but she told her new boyfriend that I used to hit her. Anyone who knows me knows that such an indictment on me is like accusing Ghandi of starting a bar brawl. It simply isn't in my programming to ever lay a violent hand on a woman. In the end I just let it go because what the heck did I care what her new bf thought of me? However, I did take legal action to get my money back, which I did. I had some "revealing" digital photos of her that I was tempted to leak out but decided to be a little classier than that and not stoop to her level. One life pholosophy that I've learned since living in Southern California: Never underestimate the ability of people to be sketchy.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 24 (view)

Check out my pics and give it to me straight.. Posted: 8/16/2005 10:40:39 AM
Lizard, are you referring to my main pic? Never thought I'd be asking a dude this question but which pic would you gather is my best one? Ladies, feel free to chime in.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 20 (view)

Check out my pics and give it to me straight.. Posted: 8/12/2005 10:53:48 AM
Thanks

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

Check out my pics and give it to me straight.. Posted: 8/11/2005 10:41:56 PM
playethic, thanks for the input, very useful. You're the second person to give the thumbs down to the shirtless pic so I'm leaning towards getting rid of it. The "standing-by-the-bottle" pic is a famous landmark. I don't know if you noticed but that bottle is technically the southernmost point in the US located in Key West, Florida. I don't know if that changes your perception of that pic though. Thanks again.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

Check out my pics and give it to me straight.. Posted: 8/11/2005 10:38:27 PM
Myriad, fair enough. Like I said, I wanted honesty and you were honest so thanks for that. Here's the money question, based on how it struck you, any comments on how to make it better? I certainly don't want anyone thinking I'm "conceited" if that message is coming across.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

Check out my pics and give it to me straight.. Posted: 8/11/2005 8:48:43 PM
I can't take anything personal because I asked for honest criticisms but I was looking for people to check out my pics and profile and give me hints on how to make it better, NOT a psycho-analysis into my life. If you think I'm conceited, am a meathead muscle freak, an attention whore and a softy, then that's fine, you're entitled to your opinion. But the purpose in this thread is for you to tell me exactly what in my profile makes you think that and possibly offer advice on how to make it better. You sounded more like a palm reader than a fellow on-liner who might understand why someone would want to improve their online profile. Thanks for taking the time to check out my profile anyways.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

Check out my pics and give it to me straight.. Posted: 8/11/2005 4:38:29 PM
Yeah, I debated the one of me shirtless. While it was a totally candid shot and I'm not blatantly flexing or anything, I also didn't want to be lumped into a category of cheesiness for having any kind of shirtless shot. I'm still torn on this one. I really appreciate your feedback.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

Check out my pics and give it to me straight.. Posted: 8/11/2005 2:34:40 PM
When you say the second one, which one would you be referring to exactly? Thanks for the input.

crushme

Joined: 8/6/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

Check out my pics and give it to me straight.. Posted: 8/10/2005 10:43:20 PM
It was meant more as a joke and not a serious disclaimer. You commented more about the last two words of my post than all of my pics.....maybe I have the gift of writing. Thanks for your feedback.

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