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 Author Thread: Could this be STD
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Could this be STD
Posted: 11/27/2009 7:44:42 AM

I forgot to throw Herpes into the mix. But in the real world, NOTHING shows up in two days. NOTHING! They may say it can but realistically, not going to happen.


Inaccurate. Fungal infections of the skin can show up pretty quickly.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Male lubrication
Posted: 11/25/2009 8:55:37 AM

Now, there are a lot of natural lubricants out there to be bought, I'm aware of this. However, its not like I can keep one handy in my pockets all of the time and carry it around with me like I do a condom.


Actually, you can. There are lots and lots of lubricants available in small single-use containers. Go to a naughty store; they usually have them in a candy jar on the counter.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
What changed your mind?
Posted: 11/24/2009 7:11:54 PM
I got older. Wasn't any good at it until about 33.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Do you like to like be the Pursuer or the Pursued?
Posted: 11/22/2009 1:23:44 AM
It doesn't matter what the man likes or what men like. The only way it would matter is if you wanted to go around pleasing men, which is highly unlikely given your litany of characteristics of men you do not allow to write you.

The only thing that matters is what works.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
FEMALE CONDOMS
Posted: 11/22/2009 1:18:39 AM
I use the Female condom with the retaining ring removed as if it were a regular condom. I got this idea from a woman who did counseling for sex workers. It is, of course, contrary to the package directions, so caveat emptor. Still, I found it to work, and this is what I do on a regular basis. I only broke one, and that was around 1994.

I used to use EZ-On which worked very well, but they are no longer made.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Help with endurance
Posted: 11/22/2009 1:13:24 AM
Yes; that's all the Kegel is. And they work.

I second or third or nth the admonition to masturbate a lot.

Just a fact: two minutes is not way below average. Some studies have indicated that three minutes is average. Condoms are only tested for 90 seconds.

But, why be average? Why not be superior?
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Hopeless virgins
Posted: 11/22/2009 1:11:02 AM
Ignore the naysayers: they are legion. I commend you for wanting to help your friends. It's wonderfully human and humane, in a way that many do not understand.

Yes, they need to help themselves from within. Most don't, and some are not ready for it.

It's actually incorrect to say that it needs to start with some serious weight loss. However, the things preventing weight loss are the same things preventing sexual socialization, or in fact, any self-improvement. What it needs to start with is self-acceptance. This is ironic. When one accepts oneself, it is possible to try to make oneself better. When one does not accept oneself, it is not as many people assume a spur to correcting the problem.

There are complex psychological reasons for this, but one will suffice. There are important parts of the brain that control behavior but do not understand negation. So, while part of your brain can understand that "don't be fat" and "be thin" are equivalent, other parts of your brain only see it as "be fat" and "be thin." ("Fat" and "thin" are only examples here. It applies to everything.)

So, the most effective way to improve oneself in any area is only to think positively. Thinking in terms of improvement of a state that is already just fine is orders of magnitude more effective than trying to correct a perceived problem.

There are a variety of techniques to help do this. One is the self-affirmation. It does not really matter if the talking and thinking part of the brain believes the statement. The other, very important parts of the brain respond to repetitions. For example, when I was feeling low about myself, I did the stair-climbing exercises with some kind of "mantra" such as "I am sexy" or "I have power." This is similar to doing scales on a musical instrument. Parts of the brain get used to the patterns and learn to reflect them.

Getting someone laid can be valuable, but only in a certain context. Many years ago, someone did this for me. I was not a virgin, but I only had had one lover who abandoned me, and I was in a very bad state. Suicidal in fact. It came just in time. I was lucky; I might easily have killed myself. However, this was done by an extremely socially adept individual who knew exactly what she was doing. She was a lesbian, and that seems to be the best combination. It might be difficult for you to do this, unless you are an extremely strong alpha male. Unless you have a high level of skill, it could easily backfire and become an empty or destructive experience for them.

However, I have helped many overcome their shyness, both men and women, though men are at issue here.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Cialis or ED drugs online
Posted: 11/21/2009 1:36:18 PM
I've never ordered any of this stuff on line.

However, when I was recovering from pancreatitis and gall bladder surgery (with the huge scar across my chest and the two drains I had to keep in my pockets), and they only gave me 16 Vicodins, I ordered more Vicodin from an online pharmacy.

They were fine, and they got me through my post-op pain.

A girlfriend of mine has just had knee surgery, and if they don't give her enough medication to control the pain, I would have no hesitation with ordering online. Of course, being female, it's a lot easier for her to get medication, so I probably won't have to.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 39 (view)
 
cheating, how prevalent is it?
Posted: 11/21/2009 1:31:27 PM

In the last couple of months at my work 6 new women have entered into the work place. All of them speak on a regular basis about their boyfriends, but I know that all of them have started having sex with someone in the office. One girl did it on her fist day at lunch. I know many of the men cheat on their SO but they always lie about not being in a relationship when hitting on a women. So why do women seem to make a big deal about being in a relationship if they are willing to cheat, and just how prevalent is cheating? Am I just in an odd work place, or do so few people really believe in loyalty in a relationship?


You are confused, my friend. "Cheating" is something that only men do. As the saying goes, it is a woman's prerogative to change her mind. Preferably as much as possible.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Must be doing something wrong
Posted: 11/21/2009 10:09:05 AM
Mr. Versatility, here is what I think, for what it's worth:

1) Find a better site than PlentyOffish. Find four or five better sites. Use them all. Each site has a different character. The character of this site is such that it is mainly for complaining about failure and abusing others.

2) No advice you will ever get will work all of the time, and most if it won't work a significant amount of the time. The exact same women who say "women like this and don't like that, eeewww" will also say "all women are different, don't generalize." Those statements logically cannot be simultaneously true. Fortunately, in this case, they are both false.

3) Live up to your name. If something doesn't work, try something else. It doesn't matter much what it is, so long as you keep trying, until you find your own personal style. Nobody can predict what it will be for you, because everything you are provides the context, even your basic body type.

4) Stop thinking of yourself as a gentleman. Cary Grant portrayed real gentleman who kissed the girl, dammit! But nobody remembers what a real gentleman is; they think it's something like what would happen if you put Barry Manilow and Alan Alda in a blender and pureed. "Gentleman" does not mean "deferential, sanitized, and ineffectual," but hardly anybody in this culture remembers that, so you'd be best to avoid the idea. (Nota bene: when you say you're a gentleman, women insult you, as you have discovered in this thread. So you know that women don't particularly like this Brave New World stuff either, but they don't know how to deal with it except by berating men.)

5) Even if women did know information that would help you, the last thing they would do is tell you. Instead, what they will tell you is what flatters their egos and that of their Sisterhood. In our sick, sick society, romance is viewed as a competition and seduction as manipulation. (One important exception is that a friendly lesbian will give you amazing insights into women.)
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 147 (view)
 
1=1 Is it a fact a theory or both?
Posted: 11/21/2009 8:26:36 AM

LOL! Not if you ask a "feminist"....they'd have you believe that 2=5!


Logic and math are inherently patriarchal traps that hags/harpies cut through with their double axes of superior ways of knowing through the body: the hermeneutic all-encompassing system of breasts, vagina, clitoris.

(Sorry, but I read a lot of this claptrap back in the 80s and early 90s.)
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Baseball Caps, Pecs and Six-Packs, Sexual monikers
Posted: 11/21/2009 8:14:07 AM
Surprise! Another woman who is in the "Ask a Guy" forum to tell us what all women want based on her own preferences who would probably go into a tizzy if anybody here talked about women. There seem to be an endless supply of them.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 93 (view)
 
Men and self esteem
Posted: 11/21/2009 12:21:33 AM
OK, to summarize:

1) Yes, men have self-esteem issues.
2) But hardly anybody cares, especially women, as you can see in this thread
3) Because women basically don't care about any but the most successful men, which is a trait that goes back millions of years, and so while they see that in the top positions of power, it's mostly men, they don't see that in the bottom positions of power, it's also mostly men
4) And they don't see the men in the middle, either, which you can tell by noticing that women's books about work invariably use the word "career" and don't use the word "job"
5) With certain notable exceptions, such as ItsMargo, who posted the most perspicacious thing in this thread.
6) But still, basically, there is not much point in getting upset at it, because hardly anybody is going to care, especially women
7) Because all that "work" that women did about their self-esteem was mostly about shaming men into doing something, while reserving the right to call men pigs, males, and rapists
8) Which worked for a time, because there was enough residual chivalry, but that's gone away as men have discovered that women just berate them for it,
9) But women aren't going to become chivalrous toward men in large numbers, ever, so you might as well give up hope.

Fortunately, there is a way out of this. Yes, women get a lot of this self-esteem boosting stuff, either because people feel sorry for them or (far more likely) want to sell them things they don't really need. The downside is that self-esteem is like heroin. It's an addictive drug, and the cost of the temporary high is long-term and devastating.

My suggestion, which can benefit men and women, but which men are more likely to do, is to get the monkey off your back. Go cold turkey. Don't have high or even low self-esteem; have none at all.

Seriously, what is the point of esteeming yourself? It doesn't do any good. It doesn't make you a better, more beautiful, or more successful person. And then you think of how to improve your self-esteem, which means esteeming how you esteem yourself. Then you think about that, which means esteeming how you esteem how you esteem yourself. Pretty soon there are so many "esteems" that "yourself" is pushed to infinity. And then your brain isn't good for anything but griping, which of course, will not do any good, either.

So just give it up. Instead, act in accordance with your will. Some people will like you, and others will hate you. There's nothing you can do about that. Be friends with the people who like you, and avoid the people who hate you.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 42 (view)
 
rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 11/20/2009 2:06:26 PM

so just for curosity's sake....
I've noticed a lot of people(men and women) who seem to shy away from people that have these issues...most certainly don't want to try and have a serious relationship with one who had been violated in the past-issues that they now have u know....


It's close to impossible to avoid.


how many people have been vicitim to these things(guys and girls)? Does it seem worse if it has been a stranger that did it or a family member...especially if u see them daily?
what have u had to do to try and overcome this?


Set the Wabak machine to 1985, Sherman...

Yes, it happened to me. Of course, I was an adult, and so the semantics may be different from having been violated as a child. It did not help, however, that I was in a two-year suicidal depression due being left from my only relationship to date, a marriage as a virgin. I did not have time to process the event, as the next day I left for a two-week trip with my best friend, who was a lesbian. That was kind of a "good-bye" trip; I had decided that two years alone was enough evidence that it would be like that for the rest of my life. Fortunately, the charter company had troubles, and there was a layover, and during that time my friend arranged for another woman to have a one-night stand with me after we landed in New York. This saved my life, and so the assault kind of got put to the back burner. (Incidentally, just a few weeks ago I made contact again with that other woman via email. She's doing well, and that made me very happy.)

So, about overcoming...

Thank you for saying "men and women." In 1985, nobody said that. Ever. It was considered an affront to women and feminism even to mention the possibility that a man could be sexually assaulted, or that it mattered if one was. The wisdom of the time was according to the idea that all men participated, if only indirectly, in the raping of women to keep them in a constant state of fear, and that was the only way in which sexual assault was viewed. If you don't believe me about the "all," get a copy of Susan Browniller's Against Our Will, then (and still, pretty much) the standard Bible of the Take Back The Night folks. Look in the introduction. She even italicizes "all" so that nobody will misunderstand here.

Anyway, as I said, the actual trauma of the event was counteracted by the great goodness of having my life saved. However, I started to process it a couple of months later. I found that I could talk to men about it. Men who had been sexually assaulted, of course, understood what I was saying. Even men who had no such experience had some sympathy, if only, "gee, that sucks, man."

However, almost no women had the slightest sympathy at all. The group of women who had no sympathy included my own mother.

Ironically, this taught me a great deal and made me a much better and more effective person. There ensued an extremely unpleasant period of about ten years during which I became somewhat of an activist and advocate for such things as shelters and services for male victims of sexual assault and domestic violence. Back then, there was nothing, and the very idea was anathema. The ostensible reason given was that there was a limited amount of funding, and so it should all be used on services for women. I knew that even this bit of special pleading was a lie when a man in another state, using only his own money, built a small shelter for men, and no less a mainstream organ than Ms. magazine did a hatchet job on him personally.

Anyway, that's all blood under the bridge now. There are some services for men, thanks, in part, to people like me. Not as many as I'd like, of course, but enough to get a good job done. Furthermore, that madness seems to have subsided. Now, most people call that Second Wave Feminism, and pretty much everyone who is not insane agrees that it kind of sucked. Third Wave Feminism, which is supposed to have started around 1995, seems somewhat better, though not without its faults. I am not sure that the numbers have changed all that much, but the political priorities have shifted around a bit.

In any event, after that unpleasant period and all that work, I came to a greater understanding, which has served me well to this day. First of all, I know from experience that the majority of women do not think of men as fully human.

Second of all, I have realized that I do not have to respect or care about the opinions of someone who passes a summary judgment that I am not fully human.

Since I'm heterosexual (nothing I can do about it) and I am also interested in having relationships with people who consider me fully human, that might seem to be a problem. Because, while I can find plenty of men who think I'm human, sometimes I like to have sex, and I only do that with women.

Fortunately, third of all, I have been well trained in communication patterns, so it's easy for me to tell the difference. When I send out umpteen mail messages and don't get a response, I know the reason. When I see a profile from a woman who wants a man who is blah blah blah and has a list of who cannot mail her as long as John Holmes' dead penis, I know that she's only interested in something with a certain shape to fill a void in her psyche that she has carved out. When I see the posts on Ask a Guy about "why do men this and that," or "why can't I find a..." I also know where that comes from. It doesn't bother me, at all, and I can even have a little fun with it.

This is where online meeting really excels. It's easy to meet people anywhere; the trick is avoiding the ones you do not want to meet. Honestly, I do not care if a woman likes NASCAR or long walks on the beach, but I can tell a lot from how she writes.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Was it Something I said?
Posted: 11/19/2009 8:26:20 PM

He found someone else or he got scared.


You're half right. He found someone else.


Be happy it happenend before you were in a relationship and move on.


Trouble is that, under the assumptions of serial monogamy, this can happen at any time, and it usually does.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 55 (view)
 
How much do we tolerated before calling it quits ????
Posted: 11/18/2009 9:54:27 PM
Since this is PlentyOffish, the answers are as follows:

1) It doesn't matter when, as long as the breakup is violent and you come here later and get sympathy and cries of "You go, girl!"

2) Then get another person who does the exact same thing. This should not be difficult, as this is all you have demonstrated you can do.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
How do I ask a man out?
Posted: 11/18/2009 9:46:51 PM
Say "would you like to go out?"

It's a good thing I'm here to answer these difficult questions beyond the ken of women.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 95 (view)
 
aging moustache
Posted: 11/18/2009 9:45:54 PM
All I can say is, if you decide to color your moustache, do not use a metallic dye (such as Grecian Formula). These things color by depositing lead acetate. You do not want lead acetate near your mouth. You might not want it on your head, either. These products use lead acetate because it slowly colors hair, so the men can pretend that nobody notices.

Clairol's Just for Men has no lead. Once it's on, it's on.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Missing the Point?
Posted: 11/18/2009 9:40:25 PM

A while ago this guy says to me "I wish you instigated sex more but the only time you are playful is during the day when I am reading or something."

OK, is it me or is he just not picking up the clues?


It's you. Definitely you. Unquestionably, unequivocably, undeniably you.

You're not instigating at all, and you know it. You're flirting and showing affection in a plausibly deniable way. At best, you're saying to him "you can instigate now, and I might not be offended.

Instigating means behaving in such a way that, if he chose have sex with you, you'd be put off. It involves trust, which involves a certain amount of risk on your part. Even if he never rejects you, you have to put yourself on the line.

He wants you to instigate because he wants you to demonstrate trust for him by taking, at least, symbolic risk. You have no interest in displaying trust.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Why would a guy you had fun with turn off?
Posted: 11/17/2009 3:03:39 PM


They maybe right in saying that he may only want you for sex, but some guys including me. Like to know everything about a woman before entering into a relationship, including sex. Once I've experienced this, and all the other aspects of her personality and life, then I decide if she's right for me.


I vote this answer as correct.


Yes, it's correct. When he says that he wants sex while saying that she's moving too fast, he's saying that he wants to know what they are like together sexually before doing some of the things that she wants in a relationship.

Unfortunately, she's concluding irrationally that he does not therefore want a relationship.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
I have zero experience with older men.
Posted: 11/17/2009 8:36:03 AM
As for reassuring him, I suggest saying "Don't worry about it. We'll work something out."
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Is dating a 22 year old virgin male OK?
Posted: 11/16/2009 10:06:28 PM

I'm clumsy,nervous and very slow moving on sex subject.


You've answered your own question. They think you'll be clumsy, nervous, and very slow. Don't call this a stereotype, because in your case is true.


What should I say to a women about it and whens the best time???


Best time for sex? There is no one answer. I have experienced anywhere between an hour and fifteen years after meeting.

Best time for referring to sex is always, and don't stop. But make it subtle and ambiguous. That is what flirting is for. Innuendo, double entendres, and even the occasional dirty joke.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Just asking if there is some sort of holiday phenomenon that you get more email around this time?
Posted: 11/16/2009 7:27:45 AM
Also with cooler weather comes a greater desire for cuddling.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Should I keep trying or just give up?
Posted: 11/15/2009 1:14:14 PM
OP, you do not understand how much having the power of transportation means to a young man. If you are a reader, I suggest The Culture Code by Clotaire Rapaille.

You asked what I think. Here's what I think. He's shy. Yes, you have had relationships where, in your estimation, you jumped in too soon. He has had experiences with women wherein they treated him like a "brother" and cried on his shoulder about the guys they kept seeing over and over who treated them badly. He thinks that if he puts a lot of care into dating, that he will show you that he is a guy who is not like that. He thinks that you'll realize that he's really a good guy and will find that appealing.

Yes, it's quite stupid of him to think that, but he's young, and all of us men who are not sociopaths go through something like that. The problem is that you're young too, so you probably won't find him exciting enough because he is not abusive. If you are very, very smart, however, you will take a more proactive role in this relationship. This almost never happens.

Come back in 20 years.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Female Tool of the Trade
Posted: 11/14/2009 12:34:13 PM

I was just wondering with stores like Adam and Eve is it possible for a woman to derive complete sexual satisfaction from various gadgets and inanimate objects that she'll lose all sexual desire for men?


Nah. Women still need men for contempt, hatred, and abuse.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Childless men
Posted: 11/13/2009 9:30:31 PM

personally i never understood this view. where is the failure??
there's a big difference between wanting children, and considering yourself a failure if you never had any.
i have to also ask if it's a question of wanting to produce your own, or whether you think adoption is an acceptable alternative.


Yeah, pretty easy for you to say, as your profile says that all your kids are over 18.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Man-shy
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:16:47 PM
Oh, you meant shy man, not man-shy.

No; it isn't. I didn't start overcoming my shyness until about age 33, and I'm probably smarter than you.

But you really have to do it, and it takes work. Question is whether you are actually desperate enough to do something about it, or whether it's still more comforting to think of yourself as a bleeding victim and get addicted to the "it's so hopeless" bullcrap?
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
beginings of love.....
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:10:13 PM
Have you tried selling that to Carrie Underwood?
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Addicted
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:06:58 PM

I have been dating a guy for almost a year who will not go off this site. We didn't meet here, and other than this problem, we get along great. I do know he has gone on a few dates from this site also, but didn't know any of this until about 6 months into the relationship. I have tried breaking up with him, we always go back together, now I am on here myself, but really don't want to be... I want to be with him. I'm hoping this will make him see how it feels...He says its his right to do this, he knows how much it hurts me, but I don't think he can stop.... Any input is appreciated...


You should kill him. When the first photon from your picture impinged upon your eye, he should have immediately severed his testicles, had them bronzed, and served them up to you on a silver salver.

But seriously...

JUST WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? Were you badly frightened by a brain as a child?
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
most popular mixed race relationships
Posted: 11/11/2009 6:17:23 PM
My most popular mixed race relationships involve me (white) and a woman who isn't so white.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 52 (view)
 
How is Having Unprotected Sex NOT Trying to Get Pregnant?
Posted: 11/10/2009 8:33:42 PM
You know, I always resisted the idea that men and women have different ways of thinking, but the more I hang out on this site, the less I resist.

If you tell a man, "if you drop a bowling ball on your foot, it will hurt," the man will probably think "then I'd better not drop one on my foot."

If you tell it to a woman, she'll think, "Hah! What about MEN who drop bowling balls on their feet? Why aren't you going after them? Besides, men invented bowling balls. And they have all these secret club men's nights out bowling. They probably get together and brag about how many bowling balls they've dropped on the feet of innocent women. We're the victims here! You men are just whiny. Missiles, atomic bombs, penises, bowling balls. You men are all the same. Now, I'm going to the Take Back the Lanes march, where we'll do something important, like light candles and chant slogans."
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Do guys really want woment to contact them on this site?
Posted: 11/10/2009 7:44:24 AM
Why do you care if it's a turn off or whether men want to receive first contact? Are you here to do what guys want, or are you here to find someone to date?

If it's the latter, you have to make first contact, or else you won't meet anyone. Otherwise, you can sit around and not look at profiles and wait for men to make contact with you. Then you'll have to deal with the fact that a lot you might be interested in won't, and some who do you might not be interested in.

I don't believe for a femtosecond that you're old fashioned. I remember what your generation was doing three decades ago. I think you're just scared.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Nice guys vs. Players. How do I tell the difference?
Posted: 11/10/2009 7:38:45 AM

With a name like 'streetsmart4u' you can't figure out that a pic of just your breasts is going to get you a bunch of players?


Either that or hungry infants looking for a source of lunch.

Frankly, the word "player" is used to describe so many things that it is nearly useless. It only makes sense to me to describe a Don Juan from the original El burlador de Sevilla. A burlador is a trickster, and the original Don Juan said that he only seduced women "por la burla" ("for the trickery"). It should be obvious that the more one does to avoid such a person, the more one attracts them.

slybandit made some excellent statements. I'd be surprised if they were heeded, at all.

Women are well advised to post a face shot, preferably smiling, to show that they are friendly, and a clothed full body shot to demonstrate body type and posture.

Beyond that, there is absolutely no point in trying to please all or most men (or women for that matter) unless one is interested in attracting many lovers.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Is domestication wasted?
Posted: 11/9/2009 8:42:16 PM
Um, why? Do you have these qualities? I'm pretty good at cooking and baking myself. I'm not so good at cleaning. Might be nice to find a woman who did that, but as far as I can tell, they don't exist.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 51 (view)
 
feeling slutty, good?
Posted: 11/8/2009 10:07:55 PM

She be my exclusive puta and me her exclusive puto...I guess there's no such word..ok, her man-whore. The town puta is cheap...and freebies are worthless.


"Puto" is a word, but for centuries it has connoted homosexuality. I think I first encountered it in the work of either Felipe de Góngora or Francisco de Quevedo.

As usual, kthyg impresses me with her perspicacity. When men use the word "slut," they mean a woman who will sleep with everyone but him. Women keep the word alive, though, so it isn't going to go away any time soon.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
how long is long enough to wait for sex?
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:30:42 PM
Don't believe the guys who say to wait as long as you can. That's a game. Don't start relationships with games. The idea is that you can somehow manipulate a relationship into being one thing or another. It's a recipe for disaster.

My longest relationship (21 years) was with a woman who had sex with me on the first date.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
getting to know a guy in class
Posted: 11/8/2009 1:20:11 PM
Refreshing that you are asking about another guy.

I suggest talking to him. Hang out with him after class.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 75 (view)
 
How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:18:42 AM

Anyone can say anything and there is no way to know if its true. Today people take a big chance to meet someone and then get to know them thru emails. They could be wonderful and then out of no where turn on you or be lying and be married, or rob from you. This goes for both men and women. We are meeting complete strangers. Look at the news with this nut that killed so many women. I use to be more trusting but the more I see and hear about dates gone wrong and people not being who they say they are, that I wonder if its worth finding someone if there is that much danger involved in the search.


Yeah, why wait on the possibility that someone might hurt you when it's so much easier to hurt yourself by trusting nobody? After all, it might not even happen, but if you do it to yourself, you can guarantee your own suffering.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Whats wrong if you dont feel like having sex?
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:38:28 PM
You're male. Women like to believe that men want sex and only sex all the time. It makes them feel superior. They are the ones who have the right to say "no," not you. By not wanting sex occasionally, you undercut their security, and they feel they have the right to blast you for it.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Girl your dating screwing another guy what would you do?
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:27:22 PM
I'd probably suggest a threesome.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Perpetual Victims of Repeat Relationship Issues
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:24:53 PM

Being a long time forumite, I can't help but notice that when someone has an issue with a relationship, it seems to be that this is an issue that has popped up before for the person in previous relationships. That the person is choosing the same types of a partner over and over again all the while expecting a different result.

For the life of me, I cannot fathom having left a bad relationship and gravitating towards the same type of a person that will bring about the same issues to deal with in the future. I'm not saying I'm a relationship guru or anything, but I've had some damned good relationships with men and to this day, when I think back on my life I'm more likely to smile at a memory than frown.


Yes, and I agree with you. I am willing to bet good money that you don't go out and look for relationships with a man who abuses you but rather look for good relationships. So you, since you like good relationships, get them, and since you don't like bad relationships, you don't get them.


I am however curious as to what might be the underlying issue that the perpetual victims have that lead them to making the same choices over and over again with the same results. Are people such as this truly blind to the situation? Are they even aware that they are blaming the other person and not accepting any responsibility for their poor choice in a partner?


People get bad relationships because that is what they go for. The Scissor Sisters' song "Almost Sorry" contains the following two lines: "No sympathy is given to the perpetrator charged with the crime/I'm willing to admit that it feels good to be a victim sometimes."

As a victim, one reaps enormous social benefits, including the following:

1) You get lots of sympathy
2) You get a feeling of moral superiority over your abuser
3) If you're a woman, nobody will question your bona fides as a feminist, because the whole idea is being a woman oppressed by men
4) Nobody blames you for anything, but you can blame anybody for everything
5) You get a free pass for acting out
6) You can win any argument by whipping out your scars
7) You don't ever have to take responsibility for anything
8) You get to play games, including YOU CAN'T HELP ME, PLEASE DON'T KICK ME, RAPO, and YOU'RE BLAMING THE VICTIM.

The appeal is enormous, and the only thing contrary is the idea of having a healthy sexual relationship. But that's not much, because such relationships are considered immoral anyway. You're supposed to have to work for a meagre amount of good in a relationship. It's supposed to be difficult or even impossible to make a relationship work.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 73 (view)
 
CERN/LHC starting up soon
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:12:32 PM
You know what would be great, at least for a science fiction story?

If they never get it running, and after trying over and over again, they decide that the reason is an amplification of quantum behavior that prevents a seemingly classical result to any experiment designed to determine whether the Higgs boson exists or not.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
STD's: Can u get an STD if you both are virgins??
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:08:34 PM
"STD" is kind of a dumb category. Back in the 1960s, people talked about VD, or Venereal Diseases. These were diseases that were almost exclusively transmitted by sex, such as syphilis and gonorrhea. In the middle-to-late 1970s, as the country was swinging to the right as the Baby Boomers started to decide that sex was not so great compared to, say, tax-free municipal bonds, the new category of STDs came about, basically, to scare people. Remember that HIV hadn't been discovered yet. It's scary enough, but in the mean time, new scary things had to be tacked on. So, the STD contains not only the traditional venereal diseases, but a lot of diseases that you don't need to have sex to catch.

So, basically, yes you can.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Play hard?
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:50:02 PM
It's a cliché, but it is intended to mean that they are fully engaged in life, that they have a lot going on. I.e., they are not the quiet evening at home type. So a date is likely to involve something active.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 34 (view)
 
What is it with men & sexually liberated women
Posted: 11/3/2009 9:30:19 PM

I'm going to say sorry for generalising but in my experience men dream of a woman that is sexualy liberated. Once they get one and a relationship develops the paranoia and accusations set in and they start to think that the woman will sleep with anyone.

What are peoples views on this?


My view is that you are pulling it out of your arse.

I like sexually liberated women. I have found that for every sexually liberated women there are at least a score who simply pretend to be because they think it's impressive to say it, but deep down they are quite conservative sexually.

You, for example, refuse even to talk with anyone who wants an intimate encounters which, by the way, is the only category here that mentions intimacy. You haven't the slightest inclination to be sexually liberated. I think you just want to fake it so that you can blast men.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
can YOU guess his problem???help
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:55:22 PM
You sure know how to pick 'em.

Did you pay attention to the last time I answered a question from you? At all?
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 222 (view)
 
Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:52:15 PM

I am sorry this happened to you, sorry to hear it ever happens to anyone, and it may be a reason for some women to become less free thinking about sexual behavior. However, I also think others may simply change as we get older, become more discerning, feel that sex without love is not really appealing or satisfying, and so on. I have been lucky, I guess, in that I have never experienced a hit and run man: I've never felt used only for sex. I think in all aspects of life, as I have gotten older, I have become someone who wants to savor things in a deeper and richer way, rather than in a superficial way. This applies to all I do or seek in life, including my approach to sexual intimacy.


I've seen the claim of "hit and run" many times. I think it's probably confirmation bias. (I know that the women who claim it happens refuse to look at the possibility of confirmation bias, which I think makes it more likely.)

A man and woman meet, and they have sex, and he loses interest. The woman obviously does not want to believe that he lost interest because he doesn't like her. So she decides that he used her for sex. This seems consistent with her pre-existing concept that all men are scum.

It never actually occurs to her that the men didn't come back for a second date because she insulted him quite enough on the first date. It never occurs to her that he may have had sex with her looking for some connection that didn't pan out.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Proof of Darwin as a regular scientist
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:36:26 PM

Referring to Darwinism...is it only a PR ploy by the Creationist/ID side to "demonize" evolution by giving it a face? Or has science education focused too much on Darwin as the "father" of a science that is evolving, much as any other science has?


I'm not sure, but here's an observation. People who wish to put down evolution think backward. That is, all the great stuff is in the past and, rather than progress, the message has become corrupted over time. So, just as they look back to Jesus or Moses or Mohammed or Abraham, they would look back to Darwin. In religion, things aren't generally admitted to have progressed, although, of course, they do. Instead, there is a story of some perfect truth revealed by a prophet or something, usually conveniently in ancient times. There is an essential conservatism that is the antithesis of progress.

I like your "Crick and Watsonism" coinage. I think I'll use that.

Quite frankly, though, much of this Creationist/ID stuff is rather strange. Globally, the majority of Christians have no difficulty with evolution. In the middle ages, Christians generally believed that every time a flower opened, it did so because God was pushing directly on the petals at the time. Now we know a bit more about plant hormones and photosensitivity and all that jazz, so there is no need to have God walking around doing this stuff. This hasn't challenged religious belief but rather strengthened it: who could not think that the natural mechanism was more wonderful than the idea of God walking around like a night watchman?

For some strange reason, Christians who live in America seem to have a problem with the idea that evolution happens. Rather than see how beautiful and wonderful evolution is and declare it a impressive tool of God, they insist upon either banal and unrealistic stories of creationism or, even worse, evolution with intervention, which implies that God was too stupid to have created the universe right in the first place and kept having to tweak it.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
How front page is science?
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:21:26 PM
I was thinking about this thread, and just this morning, on the front page of the newspaper, was a little blurb about tornadoes, with a cutaway model of the classic anvil-shaped thunderstorm and how these long spiky updrafts led to the formation of tornadoes. It kind of made me feel good, because I was one of the people who discovered these updrafts in real data. The models had predicted these updrafts, but people thought they were wrong, because people had been looking at the datasets with horizontal contour plots that showed only circles. I applied my own isosurface algorithm to the Socorro data, and those spiky updrafts were plain as day.

Anyway, I guess science does make the actual front page, albeit a couple of decades later.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Is there a difference?
Posted: 11/3/2009 9:10:49 AM

I can't really be into a woman who is viewing sex that way in the first place. The singling out of sex as a separate thing, devising a strategy based on the time and manner of genital deployment, and so on is alien to my view. People are about a lot of things and sexuality is right there mixed in, so to create an imaginary division between the sex of things and the rest indicates a fractured and odd interpretation of reality that makes relating at all problematic in case of romantic interest. I never wait for sex. Sex is there from the start at whatever level or stage it starts with, which is usually attraction and curiosity. She has to turn me on from the start or else we're talking as friends do, but for whom sexual interest is either absent or a mild and fleeting curiosity. The idea that men are horny and looking for women to screw, that happens, but also the other way around, and it also happens that when men and women socialize they have awareness of one another sexually no matter if they encourage that or just take it in stride as a feeling. People seem to place an undue and artificially separate emphasis on sex only when their view of sex is weird to begin with. To people who are more wholesome about their humanity, it's not a problem or a question.

You meet someone and then you'll like being with them or not, and in special cases that becomes a fully intimate relationship. At some point as things go along you're both feeling it and then is the time, but whether that happens sooner or later doesn't matter, or even if it never does happen, it isn't right so don't worry about it.

The habit of being sexually stunted until marriage comes from a practical application of morality to curb inconvenient pregnancy as well as other complications of indiscriminate sexual activity, like cooties, social mayhem and soiled clothing. From that you have your big deal about reserving sex until conditions match the ones set forth in the Big Book. Your wedding night is the first time. Before than, courtship, which is men and women trying to pair up for marriage. Then there is the reality of being human when the rules don't happen to work that well, so people have sex anyway on the sly, or frustrate themselves into mental illness being chaste and deprived.

Nope, can't go that way. If she is thinking of sex as something apart, and gaging my interest in her according to that idea, then I'm not interested. Otherwise, I couldn't know in advance generally if when I met a woman we would be in bed right off or if for us it would be a few weeks or months before nothing else to do seemed better at the moment.

You can have your world of seeking penises and guarded vaginae and negotiating the wait or give-in of sex. I prefer my world where when people meet the expectation and reality is a rapport of mutual interest and respect for each other and also for the art of relating well. Sex is more than intercourse. It's also how you walk along together. It's pervasive and belongs to happen in all its ways. To narrow it down and set it aside and treat it like a business transaction necessary but best left to lawyers hardly increases the joy of companionship.


Just when I come to think that POF is entirely composed of idiots, someone writes something that restores my faith. Someone please give this man a cigar! An electronic one, of course. No need to include the carcinogens.

Men mostly want to have sex when it feels right to do so.

Women mostly have formulae, clocks, calendars, algorithms, mystical incantations, decision trees, plots, scripts, plans, statistical analyses, magic 8-balls, chicken guts, tea leaves, and cast bones. All of these they discuss endlessly. All of them are different, but the women assume that all other women have the same set. It's every bit as subjective as men's criteria, but when things don't go right, women can say, "But Chapter 5, Section III, Subsection Q, Paragraph 37 says... and he should have known that! All men are scum."
 
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