My EX broke my heart, still sleeps with me and has a girlfriend chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: My EX broke my heart, still sleeps with me and has a girlfriend

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 92 (view)

My EX broke my heart, still sleeps with me and has a girlfriend Posted: 12/9/2005 12:02:53 PM
He is doing this to you, because you are letting him do it. If you just stood up for yourself and said "OK buster, her or me? Who is it going tp be?" He'd have to choose. But personally, I'm not sure I'd choose him. He's a cheater. Cheeters do not change. They feed off the emotions that they get from playing mind games. It is clear that he has you wrapped into his game. Perhaps he even has the other girl wrapped into this game also. But neither of you can win this game. I think, you need to cut him out of your life. Let the wound heal, and then find a better man.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 67 (view)

3 dates and no kiss? Posted: 8/30/2005 8:30:45 AM
I had this issue last year. It was really upsetting. We had great conversation, he made me laugh, we were into a lot of the same activities. Unfortunately, after about the third date, he still had not kissed me. No joke, I’d spend a whole days with him, and it would be wonderful. However, while saying goodbye, there would be this awkward moment, and he’d do the “friendly hug.“ You know, the one where you lean your hear way to the side, so as to totally avoid any residual face/lip contact? So, rather than putting up with this frustration, after the fourth date, I made a move. He totally freaked out, backed away and went ridged. It was the oddest thing ever. Turned out our guy had this horrible germ-phobia. He was a compulsive hand washer, and surface sanitizer. He said he was afraid mof my germs. Not that I have any weird diseases, for him to catch while kissing... No, it was stranger, and less obvious than that. He said that he was thrown off by my lipstick. That a room-temperature oil-based solid like lip-balm was rife with bacteria, a little pink petrie dish if you will. Yeah, whatever. Needless to say, he had other issues, and we didn’t last long.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 22 (view)

If he is online, when you are online and he doesn't say HI! Is that a sign? Posted: 8/25/2005 12:35:33 PM
nartotic---maybe a mix of neurotic and narcissistic? But dude! Chill out, the guy might be at work, or working on something that needs his full attention. If he never answers your IM's, then it is time to cut bait in the fish-pond. But if it is only a few times, and say, during normal work hours, then don't assume you have the right to take over his work time as well as his free time.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 21 (view)

TURN OFFS Posted: 8/24/2005 11:53:43 AM
Stinkiness is unacceptable. Rude behavior will get you nowhere with me. Arrogance is conversation-ender. Finally, if someone underestimates my intelligence, or the strength of my opinions, they are not worth the time it takes me to share my ideas, or the oxygen I need to speak them.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 217 (view)

Why are you single? Posted: 8/24/2005 11:41:43 AM
I’m not single anymore, but was single for almost seven years. I chose to be single because I wanted to be single, becasue I had a great deal of fun as a single person. I dated off and on, but I never considered the men I dated a permanent partner. In fact, when speaking about the men I dated with my friends, I’d call them by nick-names or some form of quality-based nomenclature. Like “Techno-boy,” “Plant-man,” "Bug-boy" “Art-freak,” or “”lost-writer-guy.” So, translation, the lack of the use of real names, indicated a lack of intimacy. I also thought of that Dixie Chicks song with the lyric, “I’d rather be alone, like I am tonight, than settle for the kind of love, that fades before the morning light…”

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 160 (view)

Does being alone scare you? Posted: 8/24/2005 11:30:31 AM
There is a huge difference between “being alone,” than “being lonely.” But I’d rather be alone, than be in a relationship, simply because I fear being single. Actually, I was single for several years. I dated on and off, but couldn’t find the right match. I refused to settle on a guy, simply to be “in a relationship.” While there were some moments of doubt, and loneliness, on the whole it was nice to be single. I have a large, loving circle of friends and a variety of interests. I was free to do what I pleased, dance with every guy at the ball. I never had to plan my schedule around my partner’s schedule. I focused on me, my family and my friends. I went back to school, got my Master’s Degree. I was always busy with social activities and community service projects. I was never bored. I felt I was progressing emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. In other words, I kept improving myself, and preparing myself for greater love. This would be my suggestion to you. On a different note, you said that you were in a four-year relationship…you were not married? It seems that if she “was the one” you should have wanted to make the commitment of marriage. Thus, it leads one to wonder if you or she had commitment issues and/or if your were really suited to each other…?

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 9 (view)

Is it strange to want a man to treat you good? Posted: 8/24/2005 10:50:53 AM
It is absolutely not strange to want a man to treat you well. It is strange to want a man to be your sugar daddy. This puts you in a situation of dependence and expectation. But there are several non-monetary things that I believe everyone should agree upon. Among the actions on my list are: speaking to you respectfully, complimenting you on your accomplishments, noticing your good qualities, doing his end of the housework, showing you that he thinks of you, listening to you, taking your thoughts seriously and being nice to your friends and family. If a guy can't or won't do these things, I drop him. Thankfully, Mr. King-fishie does all of these things and more. Anyone else have some things to add to the list?

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 18 (view)

Soldier in need of help Posted: 8/23/2005 10:00:36 AM
Hi there, welcome back home. I am glad you are safe. You asked why you are having trouble receiving replies. I think it is due to confusion over your intentions, rather than the “look or content” of your profile. (I personally don’t put too much stock in photos. I want friends who are more interesting than a one inch square photo, that may have be photo-shopped. Although, as noted by other posters, the spelling is a bit off, so perhaps you need to explore the spell-check function on your computer…) This is a dating site. The majority of people on this site are here to get dates, and to form relationships. You state that you are about to be married and become a father for the third time…(I personally am creeped out by the phrase that she is “going to be giving me a baby.” Like a baby is a something one gives another person, say like a houseplant.) So why are you on a dating site? If you truly just want to “hang out” why did you write anything in the “first date” column? So basically, the fact that although you are about to be married, your profile looks like you are out troving for dates. It makes you seem untrustworthy. I think that if you clarified your profile to reflect that you are only looking for friends, the fishers would respond to you a bit more.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 18 (view)

have a piece o #$it car,big deal? Posted: 8/18/2005 10:47:30 AM
I am sure for some girls (and for many boys) the car is a phallic symbol. So that explains the need for a fancy car. But once again, it is all in how you drive the car, not just how big it is, or how fast it goes... For the rest of us, for whom the car type isn't a phallic issue, who cares about the car he drives? I've got my own little dented Saturn. I don’t need his car. I adore mine. La Cochita is a wonderful little sedan. She's seen my through several frightening "traffic moments," including a deer jumping on her roof, while I was driving a back-road. She gets 30 to 40 miles to the gallon, and will probably run for 100,000+ miles. And I’ve paid off her note. She and I are super-bonded. So anyone who dares call her an unsexy, sedate sedan better think again.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 14 (view)

getting stood up! Posted: 8/16/2005 9:55:24 AM
Last year I set up a date with a guy from another site…(although, I found he was also on POF). The first time we were to get together, he called and said that he couldn’t make it, that he was swamped at work. As I have a fairly intense job, I could understand this. So we set up and alternative date. The next Saturday I went to the restaurant, and waited. And waited. And waited. I wound up having drinks, appetizer, diner and a lovely dessert. I read, and ate slowly. I struck up a conversation with the family next to me and the gay guy writing poetry in the booth next to the window. He said, “Honey, man-child is missin’ out, cause you are SMOKIN’.“ The wait staff were wonderful. I had a lovely evening, on my own. The next day no-show boy e-mailed me saying that he thought I’d been sending mixed messages. I was like, “uh, I gave you a time, a place and a day…I think that is pretty clear, don’t you?” So, the moral is, don’t stand chick up. Doing so may highlight the fact that , she might have a better time without you. And if you do flake out on a date, don’t try to blame it on her.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 3 (view)

disaster weddings Posted: 8/16/2005 9:05:02 AM
I went to a wedding last year in which the two mothers-in-law got into a shouting match right there in the reception hall. They were being egged on my the uber-bleep step mom of the bride. Oh, and the copious consumption of alcohol may have been a factor. There was defamation of fashion, stomping of feet, and cursing of ancestors. All very classy. Needless to say my friend, the groom, was mortified.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 4 (view)

julia Childs was a Spy? Posted: 8/9/2005 10:46:20 AM
Julia was sort of a spy. During WWII she and her husband worked for the OFF; Office of Special Services. I believe this is the precursor organization to the CIA. I believe I heard an interview with her years ago on NPR in which she met, and or/ fell in love with her husband during this time working with him. I believe he then became a diplomat, which is when she learned to cook fancy foods from around the world. The best part of their relationship, and the part most apropos to a dating site, was that he wrote he funny, loving poetry. I remember she read a sonnet about her long legs, as well as her delightfully roasted chicken legs. It was something like that.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 16 (view)

Just want to share my story Posted: 6/30/2005 11:56:07 AM
Yeah, I too am anemic. I take vitamins. They help a great deal... But take your Iron at a different time than you take your calcium, because they bond together, and then neither get absorbed properly :( Calcium at night, for bone-building, Iron in the day, for the hemoglobin. The thing is, she may be experiencing lethargy from the depression. A general feeling of malaise, is a REALLY common symptom of depression. The other possibility is that she only wants to get on line on her terms. Or call you on her terms. For example, the late night calls, when you are tired, she's in crisis...so you feel that you need to stay up and help her... This is an attempt for emotional control of the relationship. Because she can't control her own emotions, she will try to control the relationships. I am sorry to write this, but, it may be true. :(

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 119 (view)

How has plenty of fish treated you? Posted: 6/29/2005 1:45:54 PM
PoA is one of my favorite on-line addictions. Lots of interesting people. Good conversations, sometimes insightful thoughts.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 3 (view)

ever been interrogated on a first few dates...I was tested once Posted: 6/29/2005 9:19:07 AM
Oh, and on a related note, my friend Jenny once pointed out that Job Interviews are a lot like first dates...but without the prospect of a decent meal or sex.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 2 (view)

ever been interrogated on a first few dates...I was tested once Posted: 6/29/2005 9:17:17 AM
Last night my parents and I were out to dinner. We could not figure out if the couple sitting next to us were out on a date, or an interview. The body language was so uncomfortable, and his questions were so very much like an interview. He kept mentioning his important job at an investment bank, and how he was seeking someone to compliment this. I told my dad about a date I once had that was very similar to this poor girl's evening. My failed date kept asking me career oriented questions, in the guise of relationship questions. He literally asked me, "so where do you see yourself in five years..." and "what positions do you see yourself in." After my date asked the second question, at that point in the date, I was so fed up with mister-business-boy that I answered, "well I don't see myself in any positions with you!" Beleaguered-bad-date-girl heard my comment, and caught my eye. We had a mutual eye-rolling moment, and started cracking up. Her investment-banker-interviewer-date-boy had no positions with her in his future either.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 194 (view)

Why won't you guys ask us girls out for a simple date? Posted: 6/28/2005 3:39:42 PM
What I don’t get is why PoF has all these boys whining about not getting responses. Come on boys, just be nice, respectful and ask her out…yes, ask her out on a date. Boys, don’t “front” or create an attitude of faux cool. She’ll see right through it. Boys, don’t act desperate or lecherous. Be a gentleman, write something like, “hello, I read your profile, I was particularly interested in …. I share an interest in … Would you like to go out to dinner and we can discuss … further.” Or something like that. Oh and spell check it! Run it through grammar check. Is that too much to ask? I just don’t get it. All these boys complaining that they get no relies, and all these girls wondering why they still have nothing to do on a Friday night. What is going wrong?

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 54 (view)

i watched my cat die Posted: 6/28/2005 3:30:35 PM
That is very sad about your cat. I can empathize. I am still not entirely over the loss of my dog, whom I had to put to sleep. He was old, unable to walk well, and experiencing kidney failure. But he was MY DOG. It was so awful, there was this moment, when he tensed, and then, I just felt his soul floating out of his body. Psychologists will tell you that the loss of a pet is as terrible as losing a family member. And, unlike a human, for whom you will have mixed emotions, you will generally only feel positive emotions for your pet. Hang in there. It will get better.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 50 (view)

The One-liner That Ends the Evening Posted: 6/22/2005 9:15:06 AM
Okay, I have three: First: He, says, holding up his steak knife, "I'm studying marshal arts, and I currently know 42 different ways to kill you with this..." Yeah, and he was suprised when I left, and would not return his e-mails... Second, "I love dating feminist. They are easy. And since they pay for themselves, they are cheep." (Yeah, well after running up the bill and leaving, without so much as a good-night kiss, maybe he'll think this feminist is neither cheap, nor easy.) Third, on a first date, right in the middle of the coffee-shop, sitting next to a pair of grannies, apropos of nothing, "so uh, can I go down on you, I love going down on women, I took the back seat of my Rendezvous out, so we could do it there. Yeah I just love going down on girls. And you smell nice." Needless, to say creepy boy didn't get his "special Rendezvous."

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 6 (view)

Orgasms: a real ‘turn-off’ for women Posted: 6/22/2005 8:49:19 AM
Yeah, immagine writing that research proposal...And the implications for further research, such as, do women think harder than men when they come...or do smarter women experience this phenomena more acutly than dumb chicks... Oh my geek brain is clicking with the possabilities...the again, I have lots of available brain power, as my sweety is out of town for the next few weeks...

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 8 (view)

What do u think could happen... Posted: 6/21/2005 7:17:03 AM
I think I'd go with Bad Kitty's plan, however, I think I end by going home, and burning all the things he has left at my place...Yeah, I do have tha waiting to exhale angst thing. But hey, if you are a cheater, you deserve to have your boxers burned.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 25 (view)

I need some advice please..... Posted: 6/15/2005 12:27:02 PM
Yup you need to stay away from him. Hanging out with him is like picking at a scab, it will only cause more pain, and a more ugly scar. Further, if he were a good person, he would not be tormenting you with tales of his exploits with other women. He might be doing it to cause you some form of emotional trauma. In which case, he is really looser material...

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 314 (view)

what put a major smile on your face today? Posted: 6/15/2005 12:12:34 PM
I'm usally pretty happy. But today is special, cause it is my fish's birthday. He's planning the evening...I'm hoping it involves not getting out of bed

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 124 (view)

Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all? Posted: 5/18/2005 9:51:03 AM
I once heard a story about Picasso. Someone asked him why he didn’t paint women they way they really look. Picasso pulled out a photo of his wife--a stunning, vivacious woman--and said, “what does a woman look like? Oh, I see, flat, black and white.” The point is, no-one is really like their photo. Would you want to judge your potential mate by a one inch square photo? Would you want to be judged in this manner? No, of course not. I want a man who dreams bigger than an inch photo. And I certainly do not want him to be only interested in my big eyes, lovely cheekbones and luscious rack. He must see me, and what I am is not a square photo. I am certainly not flat, black or white. Thus, I never put up a photo. I have them on-line, and I’ll gladly send friends to the sites on-which my photos are posted. However, he has to have discovered “the real me” first.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 2 (view)

friendship v/s sex Posted: 4/20/2005 9:13:24 PM
Oh dear god, Hope for both friendship and super sex... Although, I have found that a good friendship leads to even better sex.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 16 (view)

Can Anyone Give Me Advice!? Posted: 4/18/2005 7:16:58 PM
Oh dear Foxie, I know breaking up hurts like nothing you could imagine, but you will recover from this loss. If he left you for another girl, it clearly indicates that this boy was not cut out for the long term commitment of marriage. It is sad that you think that no other man will find you attractive. You are lovely and hot. I am sure many men will find you attractive. Once you start to heal your heart, you will begin to send out datable vibes. When this happens, you will have men fluttering around you like hummingbirds.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 3 (view)

Dreams are killing me.... Posted: 4/10/2005 3:11:45 PM
Yeah, we all have this problem. About a month ago, I had a dream about a man I dated seven years ago. It was really disturbing, because I hadn't consciously thought of him in a long time. The brain is an amazing thing. I had just decided that my current relationship is "long-term-potential-serious." So, I think my subconscious was saying, I needed to say goodbye to even these last vestiges of old relationships, before I could move on. In your case, your dream may be about your recent loss. You are still in a lot of pain, despite conscious efforts to move on with your life. Try to think of these dreams as a healthy part of the grieving process. Maybe journaling about them may help. I also suggest warm milk to put you back to sleep, and lots of coffee for your sleepy-post-dream-days. Good Luck!

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 124 (view)

How much do you like intelligence? Posted: 4/8/2005 11:10:22 AM
My favorite pick-up line of all times is "talk nerdy to me." I am a super smart girl, and I value intelligence in men. I am so turned on by guys who read. A man must write and speak well. I do not answer e-mail from boys who use bad grammer. So men, just stop it with the "how RU?? Or the "Wanna get 2 no U." It just makes you look stupid.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 123 (view)

How much do you like intelligence? Posted: 4/8/2005 11:10:16 AM
My favorite pick-up line of all times is "talk nerdy to me." I am a super smart girl, and I value intelligence in men. I am so turned on by guys who read. A man must write and speak well. I do not answer e-mail from boys who use bad grammer. So men, just stop it with the "how RU?? Or the "Wanna get 2 no U." It just makes you look stupid.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 42 (view)

success stories anyone?? Posted: 4/5/2005 11:23:24 AM
In response to waspleg's request for pie graphs, I think that bar or line graphs might be more appropriate. Pies only tell toy what percentage of the total population are categorized into relationships/hook-up/friends, pie graphs don't tell you the overall numbers... Bar graphs have the ability to demonstrate the percentages as well as the total numbers within these categories. Bar graphs can also demonstrate changes in a longitudinal survey, that is, a survey that takes place over time…thus we could see how POFers are growing, or declining in our abilities to catch quality fish, in a survey over a period of say, the past year. So dominate hypothesis presented here is that women are more successful on this site because there are less women on POF than men. Thus women receive more responses to their profiles, and find more dates/hook-ups/friends/relationships. MY critique of this research model is that the successful (straight) fishing women have to be finding relations with someone. Therefore, somewhere out there, POF women are finding POF men. So, as a good academic, I present an alternative hypothesis to why you read more testimonials from women than men. Women are more socially inclined to verbally gush about their relationships, therefore, POF women are more likely than POF men, to post positive testimonials on our forums.. Ahh, the research one could do on this topic...my little nerd-heart is a-flutter! I am such a stats geek, aren’t I? Luckily, I have found a wonderfully nerdy-fish, who appreciates my inner statistician and trivia freak.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 11 (view)

Did I go too far? Posted: 4/4/2005 12:18:03 PM
Ahh, another hapless victim of drinking and posting: an action arguably more stupid than drinking and calling…more stupid, in that when drunk-dialing the receiver knows you are drunk, will hang up accordingly, and then laugh at you in the morning. The receiver of drunken e-mail has no knowledge of your sobriety whilst typing. Thus they may take it seriously . Further, text is so much more permanent than verbal stupidity. You should never, ever drink and get on-line. You are in for some big-time groveling Cheers

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 39 (view)

what the hell Posted: 3/31/2005 5:27:55 PM
I agree with the previous posters. It is necessary for you to seek counseling. I think that the two of you are each bringing your old baggage into the new relationship. Too much old baggage can sink even the sturdiest of ships. The two of you seem to be acting out the preferred end to your old relationship. She was with a controlling dillweed who didn’t appreciate her. So she is flitting about town, trying to live it up, with her friends who do appreciate her. You wished your former relationship had been a more stable, traditional happy suburban family. So you immediately set up housekeeping with a girl you knew less than a year, and want her to stay home an take care of you. Writing and posting desperate pleading messages to her on an internet chat-room is not going to bring you closer. It will only anger her, and heighten your resentment. Without professional, outside help, you will both end up miserable in this relationship. There are several excellent couples councilors in the Detroit Metro Area. E-mail me if you’d like to chat.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 133 (view)

Glasses Posted: 3/31/2005 4:42:56 PM
Sorry for the double-post! How do I delete the second post?

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 132 (view)

Glasses Posted: 3/31/2005 4:41:47 PM
A funny glasses-love moment. Both my boyfriend and I wear glasses. Last night when we started getting romantic, he took off his glasses. About five minutes later, he said, “uh, honey, do you still have your glasses on?” So I said, “honey if you can’t see, that still have them on, you really are blind!” So anyway fishing-ladies, my advice is to date a myopic man; he can’t see the cellulite!

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 131 (view)

Glasses Posted: 3/31/2005 4:41:34 PM
A funny glasses-love moment. Both my boyfriend and I wear glasses. Last night when we started getting romantic, he took off his glasses. About five minutes later, he said, “uh, honey, do you still have your glasses on?” So I said, “honey if you can’t see, that still have them on, you really are blind!” So anyway fishing-ladies, my advice is to date a myopic man; he can’t see the cellulite!

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 26 (view)

Ok-Bottom Line Posted: 3/31/2005 4:07:59 PM
Go For It! Go! Go! I think the reason folks assumed that you were a guy is that it is stereotypical in our culture that men would want sex-as-recreation, because women are only seeking love and marriage. This paradigm is of course hoowy, an idea that should have gone the way of the corseted-bustle. So good for you, assert your sexual side. It’s very therapeutic, to get over a bad relationship with good sex. It will boost your sexual confidence (which may have taken a sub-conscious nosedive due to Mr. Loser-boy Ex). Biologically sex has the wonderful residual effect of boosting your endorphins and making you feel so much better. Plus it is great exercise, that doesn’t require gym membership fees. I would reiterate the need for protection. While in a married relationship, you might have gone into a contraceptive lull, assuming both you and your partner were monogamous. Well the dating pool isn’t monogamous. Consequently, there are hundreds of awful bugs that the unsuspecting could catch while out fishing.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 4 (view)

Mean boyfriend (Drunk a lot) Posted: 3/28/2005 7:18:22 AM
I read your profile. It states, “I'm living with someone who drinks too d*mn much and I am not happy. Oh and the sex sucks. It's time to move on and find someone I can be happy with, so yea I live with my boyfriend but as soon as I find someone who cares I'm leaving.” This is just sad. You from your post and your profile, it is obvious that you realize this guy is a verbally abusive drunk. He does not seem to contribute anything positive to the relationship, yet expects you to fulfill all of his needs and do all of his chores. Further, I am concerned about the escalation of insults, and the manipulative manner in which he flings them at you “Says he never said I was an a...(Donkey) You know AS. and that I wanted to hear it.” You are correct, he is sick and twisted. The combination of his control issues, his unrealistic demands, his lack of respect for you, his abusive behavior and his drinking spell nothing but trouble. You need to leave him today. Cut all ties with him. He seems frightening. It may be a temporary financial problem to leave him, however, your safety is worth more than a few months rent. Then, work on yourself. You seem to be a good person, with many datable qualities. Why would you settle for this looser. Cause he’s good-looking with long hair? Long hair won’t do it for you 10 years from now when he’s gone bald. You need to set your expectations much higher. This is easy to say, but very hard to do. Until you truly believe within your soul that you deserve a good man, who treats you well, you will continue to settle for jerks.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 83 (view)

no one ever replies to me on any site Posted: 3/27/2005 8:01:22 PM
Gamerdork, I think that it is your profile that turns off women on this site. I have read it, and it screams self-loathing and depressed, which paradoxically presents itself as egotistical and immature. Your posts have confirmed this impression. I think that you have deep fears of true intimacy. Subconsciously you do not really want to be in a real relationship because this would force you to confront these fears. Therefore, you wrote an extremely negative and self-deprecating profile that is designed to ward off a women’s interest. When you receive very few responses, you blame it on the site, or on the women who are on the site. Further the fact that you are seeking a woman who is younger than you is interesting. The other posters have highlighted the fact that the fact that you are looking for a “young and cute” girl who likes gamers and doesn’t mind that you are a chubby 27 year-old, jobless virgin. These unrealistic expectations severely limit the number of women that will answer your e-mails, and/or you will deem acceptable. Once again, because you receive very few responses within this universe of “datable girls” you can blame the site and/or the girls on the site. I think there is something more to this need for a younger woman. The fact that you may have worries that you will disappoint you first girl friend, both in bed and out of bed, you are seeking with a woman with little experience against which to compare you. Fortunately, some of your issues can be alleviated through positive experiences. I’m not talking about just sex, but an actual relationship with a woman. In a real relationship, one learns to think about the needs and wants their partner, how would she feel, what would make her happy. In a healthy relationship, she will reciprocate these emotions. Believe me, this is the best feeling in the world. Having a person who feels this way about you does wonders for one’s self-esteem. Right now your profile implies that you are too self-absorbed immature in order to do put your partner’s feelings ahead of your own. If you are serious about dating a girl, you should re-phrase your profile in a manner that would highlight the qualities that would attract a woman. Reading between the lines, I think that you may have many datable qualities. Remember, women on this site may have plenty of “dorkish” qualities themselves. They are, after all, trying to find a date on the computer, rather than going the traditional rout of a nightclub or bar. It is all in the manner in which you phrase your qualities. First women want intelligent men. You state you are a student, your profile should tell us what you are studying. Your interests include several books; perhaps you should call attention to your love of literature. Second, women like creative, imaginative men. If you are into RPG’s perhaps you are creative. Focus on this aspect of your hobby. Third, women like funny guys who like to have a good time. Your interest in games indicates you may know many good ways to have a good time. I am sure, that if you thought about it, you would think of many positive qualities that would attract a woman. I not writing any of this to be cruel, but rather to give you a reality check. I do not think that you need to change who you are in order to find happiness. Instead, I am posting this so that you might think about your motivations, consider how you really feel about yourself and re-evaluate how you present yourself to the world.

hrhqod1

Joined: 5/16/2004

Msg: 57 (view)

How do you handle someone who won't let you go? Posted: 3/27/2005 6:31:31 PM
It seems to me that this man is extremely manipulative and selfish. He wants you to see how "desirable" he is by calling you while out with other women. This action has multiple implications. 1) He finds it ego gratifying to be in contact with several women at a single time. 2) It causes you to feel jealous. You think: “Now it seems like I have become ‘one of the others’ kind of like being herded in a group and being branded. I don’t feel like I am as special as I once was.” 3) It puts the other women in a similar position as you, sub-consciously stating to them, “you are just one of many and maybe not the front-runner, so you better step up your game.” The fact that he is successful at eliciting the desired outcomes through his behavior only demonstrates how effective he was at manipulating you. Further, the fact that even though your conscious mind has said it is time to drop him--because he will not grow up—yet you feel you might have feelings for him, also demonstrates his manipulation skills. However, the most chilling line you have written is: “My heart is on full guard and it’s going to stay that way. BUT if it doesn’t happen he’s not going to let me go that easily. He’s not a physical threat, or at least right now.” This man is a Stalker, or at least has stalker potential. Manipulative men tend to have stalker tendencies because they wish to have control over your physical and emotional space. For this reason, you need to abruptly end all contact with him. A complete break will help you struggle through your conflicting emotions…emotions he placed in you mind. It will also make it more difficult for him to enter your physical and emotional space. Keep as much distance between you and him as possible. Stop replying to his e-mails. Stop taking his calls. Place him your mental past and move on with your life.

Show ALL Forums