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Thread: Are you truly looking for the right man?

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Are you truly looking for the right man? Posted: 1/4/2009 6:24:23 PM
Trust is definately the foundation that every relationship needs to be built upon. I think with dating we all need to be true to ourselves, we need to have a idea in mind of what we want and what the deal breakers are. One of the most important things to remember is to be yourself and not try to be who you think the other person wants. It never works for either person. Another thing is do not settle thinking that the other person will change to suit your needs, if it isn't working have enough respect to walk away instead of causing misery and drama.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

staying over nite Posted: 8/19/2008 6:34:27 AM
I guess OP what do you call it? If you are having someone spend the night and leave their things at your home? Would you have more than person doing this at the same time? If not it seems like a realationship to me. Then put the shoe on the other foot if you were staying at someone's home and leaving your stuff there, how would you feel and what would you think the situation is?

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

need a womans advice.. Posted: 8/19/2008 6:25:37 AM
I would have suggested you go over to them and say something to the effect of "Hi, my name is.......and I couldn't help noticing you and wanted to come by and say Good morning or Hi. This would have broken the ice. I would have come on strong with a lot of lines because that is a huge turn off and red flag to a group of women.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

Repeatedly breaking dates..... Posted: 8/19/2008 6:08:48 AM
As a single mother of a teenage girl, if I had plans I would tell her. I would see what other arrangements could be made but if she hadn't told me in advance that she need this or that then she would be out of luck.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 44 (view)

Did I get what I deserved Posted: 8/19/2008 5:56:34 AM
Because of an arguement he beliee he was entitled to sleep with someone else and then tells you you got what you deserve? He is a creep and doesn't really love you or respect you. If he quits and exists the relationship that quickly he is not someone you want to look for a future with. He will always do what he wants and then you you were the cause of it.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

A bitch? Or just a woman? Posted: 8/18/2008 10:18:06 AM
I believe you are beginning to see her true personality! And it doesn't look pretty.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

Fun First Date Ideas Posted: 8/16/2008 6:11:40 AM
Okay, fine how about a first date at a nudist camp? Get involved in some type of activity and see how everything hangs!

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

How do you let go of a poisonous relationship? Posted: 8/16/2008 6:07:18 AM
When stuck in these situations we tend to always focus on the good things and feel that we are losing something. I suggest focusing on what doesn't make it work and how you really would like it to be. If you keep thinking about the bad things instead of the good it makes it easier to make the break.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

Ok so this is obvious... Posted: 8/16/2008 4:50:39 AM
Sounds like you already know the answer from her friend, she is not over the other guy and she is going to get some. Some people are just confused and that leaves the rest of us choosing to ignore the obvious. I think many of us can't believe when people do things we ourselves wouldn't do to another.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Will he ever call me again? Posted: 8/16/2008 4:45:41 AM
This same thing happaned to me after seeing someone for a couple of months. I say "no" he won't call because he will feel guilty for having done that in the first place. There may have been a connection between the two of you but it was not enough to keep him from going back to something he knows didn't work versus staying with something new with possibilities.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 59 (view)

How well do you LISTEN to your partner? Posted: 8/16/2008 4:35:15 AM
I try to listen but have found out sometimes it takes me longer than the conversation to process everything to determine how I feel. I have been accused of hearing only what I want to, I am not sure that is really the case though. I think all of our perceptions are different depending upon our past experiences. Now, if I don't quite understand something or the intentions behind them I ask. Assumptions can kill......

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Just Friends Posted: 8/16/2008 4:28:18 AM
It's great to just want to be friends after a break up if it is because you are over your anger, hurt and bitterness. If you are wanting to be friends in hopes of getting close to her and possibly going forward again you need to re-think the situation. Leave her alone and don't set yourself up for disappointment, it is very rare that people can go back and make it work. Don't over think this, it happened, it's over let it go.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

Did your parent's relationship affect your approach to being in a relationship? Posted: 8/15/2008 6:53:45 PM
Undoubtedly it has affected how I look for a mate and respond. My parents have been married for 46 years and I watched them grow up, fight and raise children. They stayed together...which I see as when two people love one another and have respect they can make it through anything if they are committed to the cause. I keep looking for this in my own life but it is difficult to find...it's so easy for people to bail at the first sign of trouble or stuggles.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Jealous or Genuine Posted: 8/15/2008 5:43:59 PM
To be honest I would think they found out the grass wasn't greener on the other side, they haven't found anyone else. I would tell them "no thank you" I am not setting myself up for disappointment again.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

Do you prefer the macho, the sensitive or the old fashioned? Posted: 8/15/2008 5:30:39 PM
Can I order the combination plate?

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Are bandanna's ok to wear at 44? Posted: 8/15/2008 4:01:00 PM
It's their problem for judging without knowing you. I am sure if they worked outdoors all day in the blazing sun they too would find away to keep the sweat from stinging their eyes. It probably is a combination of your size and their bias about that type of attire.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Why do Women Sabotage Relationships ? Posted: 8/15/2008 3:58:35 PM
Sometimes they do them unintentionally I guess to as a test to see if they throw their worst out front if the guy cares enough to still stay. Feeding off anger from past relationships is a clear indication they are not ready to move on, but I can understand someone being gun shy and looking for the same things that took place before. And men and women both have done this. The have had problems in past relationships and fear them in future ones. I know everyone says let go of your past and do not project onto new but that is much easier said than done. When certain things are said and done that you remember from prior it is hard not to associate the outcome.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

Fun First Date Ideas Posted: 8/15/2008 11:52:24 AM
No fair Baldy teasing some of us unsuspecting smucks who really thought cool first dates ideas was a good thread.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

What to do, If she is divorced but not? Posted: 8/15/2008 11:50:41 AM
She is a liar and men should watch out for her. She jumped the gun, her husband is gone a week and she is looking for the next sucker. she obviously has no respect for her husband, marraige or the men she is lying to. S P E L L S TROUBLE!

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Fun First Date Ideas Posted: 8/15/2008 9:38:52 AM
Activity dates: fishing, went on a first dte and it was fun rock climbing hiking bowling

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Do hard times justify forgetting partner? Posted: 8/15/2008 9:29:27 AM
What would have happened if this relationship was further along? Would he still have checked out on you? I would think that he would want to share and express when times are bad, if not with the one you are close to then who? That is what relationships are about being there for one another.....

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Girls & Guys Different Skin Tones Posted: 8/14/2008 7:31:02 PM
I haven't noticed that people are put off by darker skin tones but being light I have found that men seem to prefer tanned women. Like the previous poster stated it is all in prefernces, same as height, weight and hair color.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

My First Date Posted: 8/14/2008 7:28:05 PM
I would thank her for meeting you, let her know that you don't feel that the two of you are a good match and wish her luck in her future endeavors. Be honest, there is nothing worse than writing someone after a date and being ignored and coming across as a jerk.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Needed for a Successful Relationship...What Missing Makes it Fail? Posted: 8/14/2008 6:18:07 PM
Having some common interests, respect and communication.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

What to do?! Posted: 8/14/2008 12:31:11 PM
3 times? I can see once, maybe even twice but to me 3 times is a bit much. You have become emotionally attached to a figment of your imagination, move on. If he really wanted to meet you he would have. You are setting yourself up for more canceled meetings and dates and because you have allowed it in the beginning this has set the basis of what is to come if you continue with him.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

why start being nice to a guy once you have a new love? Posted: 8/14/2008 12:25:29 PM
Because they no longer see you as someone wanting a relationship with them...since they have told you they have a boyfriend, they can then move over into the friend mode with you and get your input into their new relationship.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Communicating = Validating one's feelings Posted: 8/14/2008 9:28:55 AM
I am not sure the word validate should be used, validate means they agree with your feelings. I have met many a people that were incapable of even listening to a person's feelings believeing that those feelings were wrong. I don't want anyone to necessarily validate my feelings but I would at least want them to hear me out. Feelings are never worng, perceptions that led to those feelings could be wrong but the feelings themselves are not. This is hard for some people to understand.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

first date dinner: siting in front or next to each other? Posted: 8/14/2008 5:58:54 AM
I always like to sit across from someone so that I can have a conversation and see their face.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

From one relationship to another Posted: 8/14/2008 5:41:41 AM
Because they cannot be alone....these relationships are not usually healthy ones. They are going from one to another just to have someone in their lives without ever trying to understand why the prior one didn't work. this is a really bad sign in both men and women.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

Planning vs Spontaneity Posted: 8/12/2008 6:39:36 PM
Unless there is a particular event on a certain day I don't plan. I have found that the more PLANS I have the more pressure I feel. Plans have become burdens to me, I would rather be spontaneous.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

A date to stop and reflect? Posted: 8/12/2008 6:37:32 PM
I don't have a particular date but have come to realize that the older I get I seem to reflect much more than in my younger days. I seem to reflect more in the evenings when things have quieted down or first thing in the morning when the new day is just beginning to break.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTERS!! Posted: 8/12/2008 12:18:23 PM
Hormones are not a man's bestfriend! Although I will say some people (men and women alike) love drama, many people don't know what they want, others can misconstrue things which causes problems, there are misunderstandings, different perceptions of things all of these can cause emotions to flare...... I can't tell anyone how to respond to someone else, but with me if the person can point out to me in a humorous way (no personal attacks) that I am being an ass I usually can see where they are coming from. Never provoke someone when like this lol doesn't help a bit and telling someone what they are feeling is wrong is also a "no, no" feelings are never wrong, perceptions can be but the feeling itself is not.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

What does this mean? Posted: 8/12/2008 7:28:01 AM
Sounds like he is using you as a friend with benefits. Doesn't want anyone to see you or know about you because he doesn't want anyone to think he would be with you, but he likes what you offer behind closed doors. If he can't proudly introduce you to his friends, room mates and family then you need to move on, unless you are fine with only closed door sessions and want nothing more. You actually deserve much better than this, find someone that will be proud to be with you.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 226 (view)

Name the first thing that comes to mind! Posted: 8/12/2008 7:21:29 AM
Out----------------In

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

am i too picky? Posted: 8/12/2008 5:54:22 AM
I don't see that as being picky at all, I see it as you looking for a person that has a good work ethic, morals and values something to build a foundation for a relationship on.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Just skipping along!!! Posted: 8/12/2008 5:51:28 AM
I feel the same way in my life, friends keep telling me when the right person comes along everything will mesh. Not sure I completely believe that, there are so many hurdles dating when we are older. We do have routines, opinions, homes, children etc. this makes the entire dituation so much different than when we were young and carefree.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

Dating girl but I'm clueless... Posted: 8/12/2008 5:41:42 AM
Sounds like normal old fashioned dating, the way it used to be before the internet dating boom that seems to leave everyone somewhat disillusioned and confused.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

DEFINITION OF LOVE ? Posted: 8/12/2008 5:25:35 AM
To me love is: 1.) having mutual respect for one another 2.) wanting the best for the other person above yourself 3.) knowing that through the good, bad and the ugly there is someone on your side 4.) wanting to wake up and go to sleep with that person 5.) finding comfort that this person is in your life 6.) trusting the person to share your vulernabilities with them 7.) knowing your not alone, that you have a partner in life 8.) feeling that deep connection with another 9.) feeling the joy of sharing the experience of the journey regardless of where it takes you

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Sudden poor contact from partner? Posted: 8/12/2008 5:18:07 AM
There seems to be a lack of communication between the two of you that isn't just stemming from your partner visiting a friend. Your partner isn't being forth coming in letting you know what their intentions are or how long or what they are doing, I find this disturbing it appears they are hiding something, if there is nothing to hide than why not have shared the information?

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Just Admit That You Are Wrong Posted: 8/11/2008 6:33:58 PM
I have no problems admitting if I am wrong and have done it many times but.....there are many people who will not. Not sure if it is because they actually do not see they they were wrong or they just want to be the victim. Comes down to the menatality and maturity of the person.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 43 (view)

Why does she keep coming back Posted: 8/11/2008 6:29:14 PM
My question to you is...you ignored her 2 years ago why did you not do it this time?

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Is it just him, or all all men a bit looney? :) Posted: 8/11/2008 1:09:54 PM
Isn't your cousin just as looney for seeing a married man?

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

Too much or not enough Posted: 8/9/2008 6:23:28 PM
In my opinion I think it is a bit strange. We are adults and I realize that some thingws are considered rude but....I believe you are right that even a 5 minute phone call or a text when she has company is not too much to ask. I also think that in four weeks time that if she was really interested that there would have beem more contact ar at the least an attempt at more contact such as meeting again.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 39 (view)

Date thought I was taking advantage of him by asking him to get me a pack of gum Posted: 8/9/2008 6:15:02 PM
Personally, if this was someone I just met I would have asked him to get me the gum but would have given him the money up front for it and even on bad dates I will give them a hug and thank them for the evening. But that is just me.....

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

Get 2 gether~Bday~ it is also terro372000's bday Posted: 8/9/2008 11:20:18 AM
Happy 23rd Bill!

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

UNBLOCKING a special person Posted: 8/7/2008 7:44:48 PM
I know when you block someone they are notified when they try to contact you but when you unblock someone are they also notified?

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

Do tall guys intimidate? Posted: 8/7/2008 7:10:32 PM
I love tall men, they do not intimidate me at all. Although, I have heard that some women do not like men that much taller then themselves I was just introduced to a man that is 6'5" it's great.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 82 (view)

should I ask a girl if they are on their cycle (period)? Posted: 8/7/2008 7:07:08 PM
First of all why would you ask? Is this someone you are already intimate with? Or are you just wanting to go around asking all women? Kind of strange, if this is someone you already know, I am sure she will let you know if if you are trying to get some.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 185 (view)

Strangest Compliment Posted: 8/7/2008 7:01:43 PM
I had a man tell me it looked like I could kick his ass, I looked at him with obviously a strange look on my face and he said he meant it as a compliment because I was in decent shape.

boutenuf

Joined: 5/9/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

Need advice! What to do :) Posted: 8/7/2008 6:35:54 PM
You may love him and he may be a great guy but he cannot give you what you need or want....you will always feel a void if you stay with him.

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