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women
Posted: 5/12/2009 11:01:22 PM | Pokerplayerbc - I really feel for you that someone was so disrespectful to treat you that way. Let me give you a women's side of the opposite situation. I have been dating a great guy for 3 years and I am still just a girlfriend. I have been consistent with my feelings, actions, etc. He doesn't have to wonder/worry about whether I love him, find him attractive, am faithful, etc. I compliment him whenever it's appropriate, try to make his life easier when I can, etc. He travels 3 - 4 days almost weekly for business. He takes me with him frequently - says he would more often if I could be away from work. When he is in town, he wants us together almost 100% of the time. He speaks of our relationship in future terms - mentioning going places months, etc. from now. He treats me well, takes me to business functions (conventions, dinners, etc.), we go to expensive and no-frills places, have fun & laugh, but can be quiet together and it's okay. He goes out of his way to help me with things that come up, etc. I love him, respect him and don't want to be without him. He says he loves me. I miss him whether we are apart a night ( I work nights) or a week. I still have my own interests and he is fine with that. We compromise on almost everything effortlessly - sometimes we do what he wants and sometimes what I want without even a minor squabble.
Seems perfect, huh? Would it surprise you to know that I am ready to split up with him??? I want to be more than just a girlfriend - I love him and want to make a life with him. I see us as great partners. He apparently does not see/want these things and makes every excuse as to why he doesn't want things to change between us. I am tired of coming home to an empty house, he says he doesn't want to give up his 'space' and his 'stuff' at his own house. (In his defense his marriage was all about her and what she wanted and what he wanted was shoved to the back burner or not allowed.) He'll share anything and everything with me except 'closet space'. I have looked at this upside down and sideways for months and can only deduct that 'he just isn't that into me'.
Will it hurt me to break up with him? I am already devastated just thinking about it. I have thought about it for months and struggled/agonized with the decision. I don't think I will ever be 'ready' to do it. But, I know that I won't ever have the chance to be with someone that wants me like I want him, if I stay in this relationship. I am 49 and want a partner in my life that loves me and is as ecstatic to be with me as I am with him. I don't see Jeff as wanting to be that person. Will it hurt him? Sadly, I used to, but now I feel like it will just 'inconvenience' him slightly until he finds someone else. Maybe not - but how would I know???? He never says he would be upset if we ever split up - he only says he wants to move slower with this than I do - as if 3 years+ isn't moving slow????
So the answer to your question is a resounding YES it does hurt us, too, especially if we really don't want to do it, but for our own good it seems like we have to. I think you know what I mean, even if I am not wording it well. I don't want to leave him - I love him - and whenever I think about the day that I do I feel a hollowness and emptiness that makes it hard to breathe. I just don't see any other option unless I want to continue to share my life with just my cats....... Have a blessed day and I hope this helps you see things from another perspective even though you'll still have to work through your loss - sending good thought your way - Karen | | | |
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