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ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 83 (view)

What you can tell by their eye color Posted: 11/23/2009 2:55:01 AM
According to this, everyone is gorgeous and totally hot (except for those poor black-eyed people who are constantly throwing up). If this were true, we would all be matched up as soon as someone gazed into our fabulously sexy eyes. I've been involved with men of every eye color, including one man who had a brown eye and a blue eye, and believe me when I say eye color has nothing to do with how sexy and attractive a person is. If that were so, we could all just get different colored contact lenses and go from blah to fabulous in the blink of an eye, so to speak.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 428 (view)

Middle Aged Cheap Skates.... Posted: 11/23/2009 2:46:49 AM
I make sure I have enough to cover my portion of the cost when I go somewhere and I have no problem asking for separate tickets. Even in a relationship, I enjoy treating my partner, when I'm able to do so. There are so many activities and place to go that are either free or quite inexpensive. I would rather go for a picnic by a lake than to a fancy restaurant. Since I'm disabled, I'm on a very limited income and cannot afford going to expensive places as I use to do. I'm very upfront about my financial status and I tell someone if I cannot afford to go somewhere. They can either choose somewhere less expensive or go without me. Their choice.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 91 (view)

The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not. Posted: 11/23/2009 2:20:34 AM
When I met my late husband, I was working full-time and he was retired. We had a wonderful relationship. He'd take all our laundry (including linens) to the laundromat and had them wash, fold and iron everything so I wouldn't have to worry about getting it done. He kept the house immaculate and I did most of the cooking, except for when he'd grill, which he really enjoyed. Trips were taken when I was able to get time off from work. In my current relationship, my S/O works and plans to continue working for quite a few more years. I'm on Social Security due to health problems. It isn't a problem for either of us. We want our lives to blend together and we'll make whatever adjustments are necessary to insure that we are both happy and content. A successful relationship consists of compromising and communicating. Just because one is retired doesn't change that fact. If someone wants to constantly be on the go, traveling the globe or gallivanting around, I can see where a partner that is tied down to a job or career could cause difficulties in the relationship, and vice versa. Personally, I would rather take few trips and be with a partner I love than travel far and wide alone. But that's just me.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

where do you draw the line Posted: 11/23/2009 1:01:29 AM
If my partner talked about wanting to be with another woman, I'd tell him not to let the door hit him in the arse on his way out and have the locks changed before he got home. No, I don't find it amusing and a person who acts this way isn't kidding. They are being disingenuous and hurtful. Why would you say things to intentionally hurt the person who is suppose to matter most to you... unless you don't want to be with them?

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

No sparks should I try again? Posted: 11/23/2009 12:56:12 AM
I'd email him and explain the situation. Tell him you were very nervous and don't feel you put your best foot forward. Ask if he'd be willing to meet again and see what happens. What do you have to lose? If he says no, then you'll know that he is the type of person who expects an instant connection, and that isn't always the case, as you well know. If he agrees to meet again, try your best to just 'be yourself'. I, too, have met men who initially didn't interest me, but the interest built as we got to know one another. Good luck and next time, don't overwhelm yourself with so many expectations that you can't be your normal, fun-loving self.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 69 (view)

lol! Posted: 11/22/2009 11:11:17 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^She did have a photo up. Her account's been closed. Reasons seem obvious.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Asking-a-guy, about Dating over 45, & holiday expectations Posted: 11/22/2009 11:03:26 PM
It appears that your new man wasn't aware that there may be accommodation problems due to Thanksgiving. His daughter and family are house-hunting that week and he is needed to help with the kids. Sounds like he has a full plate already. I understand both of you wanting to be together but, as we adults should know and accept, we don't always get what we want. His first alliance, at this time, is to his daughter and her family. He obviously had agreed to be with them for Thanksgiving prior to meeting you. That obligation comes first. If the relationship works out, there will plenty of other holidays to spend together. It is disappointing not to be with someone you care about during holidays. I'm sure he feels as badly as you do. Call some friends and plan to get together with them on Thanksgiving. You don't have to be alone. Talk to him about possibly getting together for Christmas. Now would be the time to make concrete plans to celebrate Christmas and New Year's with each other. Good luck!

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

Man asks woman to go to his home after dinner on first date Posted: 11/22/2009 10:05:29 PM
If you are so strict about not going to a man's house initially, how do you know they ALL want to get you in the sack? You are assuming that was his intention. Just like you are assuming he sleeps with every woman he meets. I hope you don't date this man again because you sound like a self-absorbed diva. I'm sure there are some men on this planet, who could be alone in a room with you, and resist the overpowering urge to rip you clothes off and take you, then and there. You are not irresistible... no one is. Just because a man makes a pass does not mean he has loose morals. Perhaps, as another poster said, he was seeing how you'd respond. He was a gentleman throughout both dates and stated that he didn't intend for anything untoward to happen. Why do you automatically assume he is a liar? Have you never been alone with a man who conducted himself as a gentleman? Do you always look for the worst in people? Don't waste the man's time by dating him again. He deserves to meet someone who doesn't berate him on a public forum or doesn't make rash, undeserving judgments about his morals and sexual proclivities. In other words, HE is too good for YOU.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

PLEASE HELP!!!! Posted: 11/22/2009 1:04:08 PM
It's time for the both of you to act your ages. You come across like a high school girl and he sounds like he's still hanging out with his college buddies. Wake up and realize that you cannot change this man. If he wants to go out drinking with his friends, he is going to do so. You two are feeding off each other's drama and perpetuating the situation. You blame much of his behavior on others when he is the one doing these things. It is HIS choice to go out and get stinking drunk even though he KNOWS that it causes trouble between the two of you. What does that tell you? It tells me that either the man has a serious drinking problem (read as alcoholism) or you just don't matter very much to him. It is also HIS choice to sleep with his ex when you two break up. If he truly wanted nothing to do with her, wanted her to leave him alone and just go away, hated her and wasn't attracted to her, he certainly wouldn't be sleeping with her when you two are on the outs. There are plenty of women around that he could use to satisfy his 'urges', but he is choosing to go to her. Either he still feels something for her or he is an even bigger jerk for using her. Grow up and decide if this drama BS is something you want to put up with. If not, dump him and stick with it.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Can a relationship really last if diff sex drives? Posted: 11/21/2009 4:14:32 PM
If it's this unequal and unsatisfying at the beginning of the relationship, it will only get worse. Either your man is inexperienced or selfish and I have no way of knowing which it is. Have you spoken to him about not being satisfied and his apparent lack of desire? Communication is the key to a successful relationship. Talk with him and if he refuses to work toward a mutually acceptable solution, you'd be better off ending it now.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Women who don't shave Posted: 11/20/2009 3:30:58 PM
Not all women shave, but it seems like a great many do, especially younger women. All the porn and magazines for women make it seem like shaving, or waxing completely, is THE THING to do. I'm sure there are still quite a few women who prefer to be au naturale or just neatly trimmed. I think many women feel that men prefer a woman who shaves or waxes. They have been lead to believe that most men find pubic hair to be unsanitary or a nuisance. As to where to find women who don't shave, I doubt that there is any specific place to look. You'll just have to take your chances.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 38 (view)

People, why against the rocking chair on the porch? Posted: 11/19/2009 10:39:13 PM
Breath, I haven't slain a dragon in many years! I freely admit that I am not able to do much physical activities due to health problems and I'm okay with that and so is Paul. As long as we can spend our time together, that's what's important. Paul was a professional athlete (Australian Rules Football, aka Footy) and he'll often say "I may not still be able to run 100 meters in 10 seconds but my mind is as sharp as it ever was." I doubt that there are many who are in better shape past 55 than they were at 25 or even 35. I know I was in better shape then, and at 45, than I am now. I didn't have the health problems then that I'm dealing with now. Even still, there were plenty of times throughout my life where I enjoyed just relaxing and smelling the roses. I love sitting in a rocking chair or swing on a porch and watching nature or people go by. I find it enjoyable. There are also times when I wish I could hike or bike or jog, but I can't. Even when I was physically able, I was not a 'weekend warrior' when it came to sports, although I did enjoy a good game of volleyball. I find meeting and talking with people, going to arts and craft fairs, horse races, sporting events and traveling to be the perfect physical outlet for me. And one of my favorite dates is getting sandwiches from Subway and going to park, strolling the grounds and talking. I think it's great if people our ages are very active and athletic but don't berate those of us who either can't or choose not to be that way. Vive la différence!

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Male ED Posted: 11/19/2009 10:12:01 PM
Is there such a thing as FEMALE E.D.?? Seriously, calling it 'male E.D. is being redundant. Erectile dysfunction is a male problem, therefore you don't have to specify the gender. In the past there was no treatment for E.D. and now there is. Just like any new medical advancement, it becomes more well-known as more people are helped by it. I don't think E.D. is on the rise (excuse the pun), but that it is no longer something men are ashamed of having. With all the new medications for it, most men who were afflicted are now able to get help.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Why would a man tell his friends all he did sexually with his new girlfriend? Posted: 11/19/2009 10:07:06 PM
Tell your male friend to shut the hell up and keep what happens between he and his girl friend just between them. To tell others intimate details of one's love life is TMI, not to mention a violation of the woman's privacy.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 86 (view)

The other side of WTF was he thinking? Posted: 11/19/2009 1:05:29 PM
ForumFilly...thank you for your post, you definitely put what I was thinking into better words. Blissout, you did just fine with your posts. What a pleasure it is to see a young woman with such a wonderful and literate grasp of the English language and such intelligence. You are a tremendous asset to the forums. So glad you have joined us!

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 79 (view)

The other side of WTF was he thinking? Posted: 11/18/2009 9:41:52 PM
RE: Msg 79 Please refer to posts 43 and 63. I was explicitly responding to the OPie's question, not his ability, or lack thereof, to explain the situation pertaining to his date. He isn't asking us about this specific woman. He is questioning why many older women cannot or will not be direct regarding their sexual desires. You have yet to even broach the subject of the thread. You are so concerned that you weren't given full details regarding a date that really was just a sideline to the question he was asking. And until my post #77, I was not addressing my responses to you. You were the one who quoted me in your Post #67 and ask me to respond. I did as you asked. If you feel the need to defend your position in a forum where everyone is entitled to their opinions, then that is something you need to deal with. I'm not attacking you and I never was. Some people read and comprehend things differently. That doesn't make either wrong. The question I have is why not focus on the topic instead of berating the OPie? On Topic: I feel that it is not a question of age as it is a question of each woman's individual personality. Some of us are very clear about what we want and don't want and when we want it. Others have a difficult time communicating their desires. I have never had a problem communicating with the man I'm with, whether I was in my 20's, 30's, 40's or 50's, and I don't expect to have any difficulty communicating as I get even older.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

My date plans dates with short notice ! Posted: 11/18/2009 2:45:09 PM
Landra is right. Make plans as they come along. If you get asked out by another man or friends and you want to go, accept. When this man calls, if you have already made plans, tell him so. Don't wait to see if he is going to call. Get on with your life. As long as you are at his beck and call, why would he think he should do things differently? You are arranging your social life to fit his whims. You need to arrange it to fit yours. If you are booked when he calls, he may realize that waiting until the last minute is inappropriate.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 76 (view)

The other side of WTF was he thinking? Posted: 11/18/2009 2:34:02 PM
From Lonely Lady Here: He didn't get to the emails she sent him regarding hurt feelings until post 5! There was nothing said about any emails or any reason to believe she has been hurt by his not wanting to have sex with her in his first post. This is from the original post: Next day, she emails me to tell me how things "did not work out." Huh? Seems I should have taken her home for sex. It was her BIRTHDAY, after all! I understood that paragraph to mean she wrote that she was disappointed due to the fact that he hadn't taken her home for sex, especially since it was her birthday. Just because YOU and some of the others had difficulty discerning what was meant, doesn't mean we all did. And either way, that isn't what this thread is about. It is about a woman in her 40's not being able to express the fact that she wants sex from a man she just met. The OPie is wondering why the younger women he meets are much more open about their sexual desires and wants that older women. Why don't you try writing about the subject of the post instead of focusing on what you consider to be misrepresentation in the original post? At the worst, you had all the info by post 5, so why are you beating a dead horse?

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 62 (view)

The other side of WTF was he thinking? Posted: 11/17/2009 7:32:39 PM
Funny, I had no problem comprehending what the OPie was saying in his original post. It seemed quite evident that the woman in question HAD written saying she was disappointed that he hadn't come on to her and taken her home. It may not have been written word for word, but that is definitely the impression I got from his post. My only response is that to judge all older women by the actions of a few is rather narrow-minded. Also, if he prefers dating younger women, more power to him. I just find his reason for doing so to be an excuse. You prefer younger women. You don't need to justify it by comparing the two age groups. Date who you want to date and enjoy yourself. I'm sure we older women will somehow survive.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 43 (view)

The other side of WTF was he thinking? Posted: 11/16/2009 4:55:30 PM
I have never expected the man I'm with to be a mind reader. If I'm interested in having sex, I make that perfectly clear to him. Why any woman would automatically expect a man to take her home for sex after a first meeting is beyond me. While I have no problem with sex on a first date, it usually centers around incredible chemistry on both sides and no doubts as to what you both want. To determine that most women in their 40's will behave in a manner that is coy and unclear is a generalization. As you said, this was your 1st internet date. Don't use this as your rationale for dating much younger women. You are dating younger women because you prefer them. End of story.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

How do you older women feel about a younger guy in a relationship Posted: 11/16/2009 4:42:03 PM
My late husband was 19 years older than I and my last husband was 10 years younger. If I connect with someone, their age is meaningless. As far as what friends or family thinks, while I appreciate their concern, I make the decisions regarding my relationships, not them. If I wasn't in a relationship, I wouldn't have a problem dating someone in their early 40's as long as we were compatible.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Does kissing warrant sex on the first date? Posted: 11/15/2009 10:58:11 PM
Thanks for the validation my type is the guys who are gentlemen and I got a sleeper cell perv that made my mind boggled and so I had to ask You asked this same thing in the Dating Experiences forum. How many times and in how many forums are you planning on asking the same question? The guy was a pig and you acted irresponsibly. End of story. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out. Why are you making such a big deal of it, unless it's for attention?

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

What should you say when a girl tells you she's fat? Posted: 11/15/2009 8:06:42 PM
Just say, "You look fine to me". When a woman says that, she is fishing for compliments and wants confirmation that she looks okay. Or you could always say, "Ewe's not fat... ewe's fluffy!"

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

What are guys thinking? Posted: 11/15/2009 8:00:42 PM
OP, what he did was inappropriate, to say the least, but I can understand where he may have gotten the idea that more was likely to come (pun intended). When you first meet a man and you get into his car and have a passionate make-out session with him, many times he will assume that you are willing for it to go farther than kissing. Next time, get to know the man before you play tonsil hockey and get him all hot and bothered. Also, do NOT get into a stranger's car. You are setting yourself up for being assaulted. What would have happened had he decided that he wasn't going to take no for an answer? Your photos and profile in no way make it seem like you are looking for casual sex. But your actions on a first meet gave him a different impression. Be more restrained and careful in the future. Your safety and well-being have to be a priority.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

time to delete your POF account Posted: 11/14/2009 11:37:40 PM
I've not unexpectedly encountered anyone I know on this site but I have told a number of single friends about it. The more, the merrier. Funny you find it strange that others enjoy being on a site you also enjoy. Maybe they find it awkward that you are on here or maybe they realize that everyone has a right to do what they can to find happiness.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Nose & Ear Hair Posted: 11/14/2009 10:22:26 PM
I would never reject a man due to his having excess nose or ear hair or overgrown eyebrows. I may suggest trimming them once we've established a relationship but, if he didn't, I doubt it would be a deal breaker. Lack of excess body hair does not guarantee a loving partner or a happy relationship.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

MATCH.com V p.o.f Posted: 11/14/2009 10:22:09 AM
I tried a three month membership on Match and Yahoo a few years ago and I wasn't impressed at all. I have been much more satisfied with POF. I don't think paying to meet someone guarantees a better selection. In fact, I was approached by scammers on Match. I think they are more prevalent there because they figure that if a woman is paying to meet someone, she is more desperate and, therefore, an easier target. Just my rationale. I have met some wonderful people on this site, both men and women, including the man in my life. I find a larger variety of people on here than on pay sites. Finances are too tight to be throwing money away in order to possibly meet someone for coffee. And to spend $58.42 (at current exchange rates) a month is ludicrous.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 94 (view)

I don't care that he did, but WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIE? Posted: 11/14/2009 10:10:48 AM
What is he doing that you are not? He has hidden his profile, as have you. You are answering emails and he is probably doing the same. I have my profile hidden, I specify I am in a relationship and not interested in meeting anyone else and I still get emails from men. I respond to them saying I am not interested. I finally wrote on my profile that if someone writes me and is interested in getting together, I will not respond. He maybe just responding to emails he has received. He may be reading the forums. You have your profile hidden but it can be accessed through the forums. You don't say that you are 'Not Single/Not Looking'. You don't mention being in a relationship. What is to keep you from answering emails from men who are interested in meeting you? Give the guy the benefit of the doubt. You don't know why he was on here. He maybe wondering the same about you. BTW, the phrase is "I couldn't care less", not "I could care less". Saying "I could care less" implies that whatever the subject is, it does mean something to you. "I couldn't care less" implies that it doesn't matter to you at all. That is the correct meaning of the phrase. Why people can't get it straight is beyond me but it drives me nuts. God, I'm becoming anal in my old age!

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 60 (view)

BF will not tell me his birthdate or where he works - is this wierd to you guys? Posted: 11/14/2009 9:56:55 AM
I can understand why someone may be reticent about giving out their place of work. There is always a chance that if the relationship ends badly, the other person could cause a scene at their place of employment or harass them with phone calls and possibly put their job in jeopardy. I do find it odd that he won't tell you his birth date though. The only reason I can see for that is to prevent you from investigating him. Since there are usually multiple people with the same names, a D.O.B. is a good way to differentiate one from the others. He may have something in his background that he doesn't want you to know about and is therefore shielding his privacy by keeping that information to himself. Or else he hates birthdays.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 63 (view)

Do I owe an explanation? Posted: 11/9/2009 2:09:28 PM
Did I spell grammer correct? Actually, yew4ic, it is spelled 'G-R-A-M-M-A-R' and the sentence should be, "Did I spell grammar correctLY". You left off the 'ly'! I guess you wouldn't come up to the OP's standards either. Boy, did you dodge a bullet! I'm sorry... just playing with you... I couldn't resist! BTW, OP, I doubt that this lady will be devastated by your lack of response to her email. You aren't exactly 'all that and a bag of chips'. Maybe this is why the other lady preferred to drive 400 miles round trip to meet someone else and told you not to get YOUR hopes up.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 41 (view)

Do I owe an explanation? Posted: 11/9/2009 4:52:34 AM
First: I NEVER said that this woman was on the forums. She isn't as far as I know. Actually, you did. I messaged a lady on the forum recently If she wasn't someone from the forums, then you clearly erred when writing your original post. How could you be so careless as to misrepresent the situation in writing? I would never be compatible with someone who cannot even give an accurate representation of what actually occurred. You didn't 'message a lady on the forum', you responded to a profile you liked. There is a difference. Member profiles do not constitute a forum. They are a separate section of the website. Please try not to be so careless with your future posts. It's not something I care to tolerate and I have an admitted prejudice in this regard. BTW, if anyone in this thread is being judgmental, it would be you. Granted, you are entitled to communicate with whomever you choose, but if you can't handle the responses, don't pose the question. This isn't your first rodeo so why you are surprised at the outcome is pretty amazing. You should be fully aware that we give our honest opinions to questions asked and never claimed to sugarcoat them. Yeah, do chalk it up to experience.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

Do I owe an explanation? Posted: 11/8/2009 8:34:21 PM
You liked this woman's profile so there must have been something that piqued your interest. Was her profile well written? You said she was on the forums so you may have read some of her posts. Were they well written and literate? Although she may have trouble with the written word, she may well do fine in verbal conversation. If there was enough interest for you to contact her initially, you may want to try speaking with her on the phone to see if your interest is rekindled. If you decide not to, I think it would be more polite to write and tell her you've had second thoughts regarding your compatibility, than to just disappear and leave her hanging.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 80 (view)

A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go? Posted: 11/8/2009 2:06:37 PM
What should I do? Thank your lucky stars that she moved out and demand your key back. This woman is too damned selfish to think about you or your children. Why would you want to subject your kids to her whims? Why would you want to subject yourself to them? She obviously has no interest in getting a job and contributing. She leeched off her previous guy and she seems to have every intention of doing the same with you. Maybe he stayed at work so much because she drove him crazy with her narcissistic behavior. Ever think of that? You aren't someone this woman respects and loves. You don't treat someone you love and respect the way she has been treating you and your kids. Move on and find a woman who will treat you all with kindness. Someone who is willing to share the bathroom and the toilet paper.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 92 (view)

seriously need some help on helping my friend of 30 years Posted: 11/8/2009 9:59:41 AM
related to what family and friends think no family in the area. they live in a neighborhood with 5 acre plots so between work and space between homes, they don't have much if any contact with neigbors. for her, i am it, or the closest to family and/or confidante. her husband is iranian, he has distant relatives, i mean cousins in a range of 50 miles away. they don' t socialize, the most is her visiting me very occasionally, or them visiting his cousins. i know she does not share what is going on with co-workers. Kaylee, this post was quite illuminating. Is your friend also Middle Eastern or is she Western? Was she raised to believe that the man is the lord and master in the family? Those are valid questions as far as how and why she has been tolerating his behavior. Since she doesn't have family and friends, aside from you, to help her, it may be more difficult to get her to finally come to grips with the situation and do something about it. Does she seem miserable in the relationship or is she fairly content? What may seem intolerable to us may not be so to others. All you can do is be there for her and provide her with information regarding escaping an abusive situation. It is her decision as to whether she wants to leave or not.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

seriously need some help on helping my friend of 30 years Posted: 11/7/2009 7:54:44 PM
He is a real piece of work. You have tried talking to your friend. You have known her all her adult life and still your advice and impressions of their relationship have done no good as far as opening her eyes to the extent of the abuse she is allowing to occur. I doubt that reading what strangers, on a dating site forum, think is going to make much of an impact. I WAS in a similar marriage and it was hell. I came home from work one day and our dog, who I adored, was gone. I asked where the dog was and he responded that he had taken her to the Humane Society because the dog loved me more than she love him and he didn't like that. He didn't take her to the local shelter, but to one in another part of Los Angeles, so I couldn't find her and retrieve her. I was heartsick over losing a beloved companion and by him being so callous and cruel. He was also into physical abuse as well as verbal and emotional abuse. I was not allowed to sleep in the bed unless he allowed it. He threatened the lives of my son and my best friends, as well as my life. Finally it got so bad that I told him that I would rather be dead than be with him any longer, and if he was going to kill me to do so because it would be a relief to be away from him, even if it meant dying. No one should live that way. No one should allow another person to make them feel less than they are or to treat them cruelly. The only thing I can think of that may get through to your friend is telling her that she is showing her daughter that being mistreated by a man is okay. She is training her daughter to put up with the same abuse she has suffered through these past 20 years. Does she really want that future for her child?? If she won't leave for herself, she needs to for her daughter. She needs to stand up for herself and show her child that it is NOT okay to be mistreated. That is not what a marriage should be nor how a loving husband treats his wife. This man is sick and she needs to get as far away from the S.O.B. as possible. What kind of man would treat his wife in such a manner? It is unfathomable. And for her to allow it and continue living with this abuse shows what little self-esteem she has. Perhaps, if you both have other mutual girl friends, you can get them all together and have an intervention of sorts. Each of you write what you want to say to her and read it one at a time and see if that doesn't jolt her into action. Tell her how much she means to each of you and that you cannot stand seeing her demeaned and abused in such ways. Let her know you will all be there for her should she finally decide she has had enough. If possible, bring a counselor with you to the intervention and be sure you have given the counselor a fair and full description of the relationship. A professional may be able to convince her that she not only doesn't deserve to be treated in such a terrible manner but that she can actually do something about the situation. She doesn't have to just 'take it'. Good luck! Please keep us informed as to how she fares in this situation. I wish her the very best. Shelley

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 102 (view)

IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN? Posted: 11/6/2009 2:43:42 PM
YES WOMEN SHOULDN'T PURSUE MEN PERIOD Women, don't ever try to go against the nature period Wanderingsoul, how do you come up with the conclusion that if a woman pursues a man she is going against nature? Why shouldn't a woman be able to express her interest in a man without upsetting the natural order? If a woman is attracted to a man and wants to get to know him, why should she sit back and play the waiting game, like a southern belle waiting for her gentleman callers or beaus to come to the door and woo her? Aren't we past that stereotype where the man has to be the one to take the initiative while the woman waits and hopes for him to make the first move? I would certainly hope so. I know enough about men to realize they enjoy and respond to being approached and I have enough confidence and self-esteem that a "No, thank you" isn't going to crush me or bring me to tears. If we want to be treated as equals then it's time we start acting as equals. Why should men run all the risk of being rejected and always have to take the initiative? I pursued my late husband and it was the best relationship of my life until now. How sad to think we may have missed being together because I was afraid of being rejected or that it may 'go against nature'. That is absurd!

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 72 (view)

IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN? Posted: 11/6/2009 10:16:07 AM
I have never had a problem initiating contact with a man and very few seem to have a problem with it. Most of the men I've known have been flattered by the attention.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

Dating someone who you`re sexually compatible but nothing more? Posted: 11/6/2009 10:12:26 AM
Speaking just for myself, there HAS to be more than just sexual compatibility for me to be in a relationship. That is just one of many components that make up a healthy, satisfying relationship. If our personalities, senses of humor, intelligence, morals, goals and aspirations are compatible, then there is, excuse the pun, nothing to talk about. For me, it is just as important, if not more so, to be intellectually and emotionally compatible than sexually compatible. I want all or nothing. You can help your partner be a better lover but you cannot change who that person is, intrinsically.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Is this honesty or a danger sign? Posted: 11/4/2009 1:47:19 PM
I agree with most of the comments thus far, but IMO her delivery (verbiage) was insensitive towards the OP. The OP specifies in his opening post that he is "paraphrasing" her email. It is NOT verbatim. Who's to say it wasn't written in a more sensitive manner and that the OP just misinterpreted it? I think she is being upfront with you and keeping you abreast of her plans so you don't think that you are the only man with whom she is communicating. She is entitled to see whomever she chooses and so are you. She just doesn't want to mislead you into thinking you are exclusive. I find that honorable. She isn't saying she doesn't want to see you again. She just wants to meet the other man also to see which is a better fit. Sounds like a smart woman who is honest enough to lay it on the line.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Is marriage necessary for a healthy LTR? Posted: 11/4/2009 5:34:52 AM
No, marriage isn't necessary for a healthy LTR. Some people, both men and women, prefer to commit to each other in front of family and friends. Others find that they don't care about the rituals of marriage. My partner is from a different country so it is in our best interests (for the both of us) to marry. Also, it is important to each of us that our partner have all the legals rights associated with our union, and that includes pensions, medical care and decision making, residency rights, etc.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Shaving or trimming your privates at our age? Posted: 11/4/2009 5:24:44 AM
I've, at times, had it both ways. Some partners preferred it shaved and some didn't. I prefer it trimmed, instead of shaved. The stubble is very irritating and uncomfortable and I'm not about to have it waxed. I do have women friends who shave completely and others who don't. It's like anything else... a personal preference.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 38 (view)

How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying? Posted: 11/4/2009 5:09:06 AM
north american women, are the laziest lovers in the world, they show no imagination, never take the initiative Hey, Travel... just how many of the millions of North American women have you been with that you are an expert on ALL of us? Generalizations are ignorant. Perhaps you are the one who doesn't stimulate the women enough for them to give a damn. I find it hard to believe that every woman you've been with on this continent is a bad lay. Maybe it was their partner. To m_church - you made some excellent points. That's for a very intuitive and sensitive post. You really got me thinking and I appreciate it.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying? Posted: 11/3/2009 11:19:39 AM
You should be admired for being forthright and honest with her. Sexual compatibility is imperative in a successful relationship. The only people who don't find that so are the ones who don't want to have sex at all. The rest of us want to be with someone with whom it is an enjoyable, loving experience. There is nothing you can do to change her mind. Block her and let it go. You tried to be a gentleman about it and end it on a sincere and honest note and she is the one who refuses to accept that fact. Hey, three strikes and she's OUT!!! Good for you for trying to see if it would improve. You gave it a good effort and it wasn't going to change. She has 'issues' regarding sex and you would never have been compatible. Good luck in find someone who has it all. She's out there. Edit: Damn! I missed the thread about 'the smoker' and 'the screamer'. I'll have to look that up. If this is another woman, what happened to them???

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 46 (view)

What's the upside to being over 50 and single Posted: 11/1/2009 10:20:23 AM
I would much rather be 50 (or any age, for that matter) and single than be in a bad relationship. There is nothing worse than being in a relationship where you are miserable. It's much more lonely than being single. When you are single you can do what you want when you want. You have no one to whom you have to answer. If you don't want to make dinner, you don't have to do so. If you decide you don't feel like changing the bed sheets, don't change them. If you want to buy a new sofa in bright red, go for it! You don't have to negotiate and compromise with anyone about what you do or don't do. Sure, being single can be lonely. There maybe things you'd like to share with a loving partner. There are pros and cons on both sides and neither state is 'better' than the other. Just different.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

So.... remind me... What's the downside of 50 and single...??? Posted: 11/1/2009 10:06:04 AM
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being 50 and single. There is also nothing wrong with being 50 and in a relationship. There are downsides to both, I'm sure, but there are also advantages. Not everyone wants to be single and not everyone wants to be in a long term relationship. Fortunately, we have the right to choose. I enjoy being single and have for a good deal of my adult life. I also really loved being married to a wonderful, loving man. I would never been in a relationship to avoid being alone. I am very content with my own company but I do prefer sharing the wonders of this world with someone I love.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 29 (view)

are you more attracted to people on the forums? Posted: 10/31/2009 11:43:39 AM
My partner and I met thanks to the forums. He read some of my posts and then checked out my profile and wrote to me. I find that you really get an opportunity to see the real person much better when they post to the forums. You get an much more in depth view of who the person really is by how they respond to different subjects.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Sex Frequency compatability question Posted: 10/31/2009 11:35:25 AM
He needs to forget about what happened with his g/f and her ex. If it was so great, they'd still be together. He should talk with her and have an open and frank discussion as to whether or not she is satisfied sexually with the way things are now. If she isn't, ask what he can do to improve things. Personally, I don't want to know how often my partner had sex with his ex nor would I ever tell him that my ex and I had great sex every day, even if it were true. Our relationship is just that... between us. It has nothing to do with what has happened in past relationships. We will find a balance that works for us. Your friend and his girlfriend need to do the same.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Letting the walls down Posted: 10/30/2009 4:22:24 PM
This relationship has all the signs of a train wreck waiting to happen. 1) He's not been divorced long enough to be ready for a serious relationship. 2) His moods, attitude and behavior change without warning. 3) He says mean things to you. If this is how the relationship is going during the 'honeymoon' phase, don't expect it to get better. If anything, it will continue to spiral downward. Why would you want to be with someone who is already causing you distress? Work on your own issues, whatever they may be, and forget about this guy. It will only end in heartache.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

friend afraid of her age Posted: 10/29/2009 11:29:38 AM
My ex-husband left after I had sold my house in L.A. and moved to Florida to get him away from drugs. I was 54 when he left and unable to work due to health problems. I was stuck with a mortgage twice what it was in L.A. No money, no job and heartbroken. I have met the most incredible man on here and I'm 58. He is beyond my wildest dreams. We are planning on spending the rest of our lives together and I've NEVER been happier or felt more loved. If 'they' want to save their marriage, then they need to get into marriage counseling immediately. Tell her not to even consider cheating. If she is that unhappy and wants to be with someone else, she needs to leave the marriage first. She should get into counseling herself if she is unsure as to what she wants to do. How she figures cheating will help things is beyond me. It's never to late to meet someone special. And, if both parties are willing, it's never too late for try and save a marriage. She has some serious thinking to do to determine in which direction she wants to head. Good luck to her.

ForumFilly

Joined: 5/14/2008

Msg: 36 (view)

my boyfriend asked me for money Posted: 10/26/2009 9:10:41 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^Let's see... are you on Crack 1) Mood swings 2) Verbal abuse 3) Financially destitute 4) Trying to get you to give him money 5) Angry when you don't give him money 6) Known this loser one week Your describing how many women are also when they need $$$$$ or need to buy and you don`t give them Nada. And it`s happened to me many times Women ask me for $$$$$$ in all my relationships for one thing or an other! Inpune, you really need to find a better class of women with whom to associate. What kind of users are you contacting? And if you are giving these women money after knowing them one week, you must be nuts.

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