I have zero experience with older men. chat & forums.

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-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

I have zero experience with older men. Posted: 11/17/2009 10:14:37 AM
That was very thoughtful, thank you. Exactly the kind of advice I need. It might explain his timing this morning too. Hm.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 24 (view)

I have zero experience with older men. Posted: 11/17/2009 9:55:18 AM
I hope I'VE understood your OP By Jove! I think you got it. Perhaps if you have said that to this gentleman, he's pictured you having wild monkey sex with young stud muffins and doesn't know if he'll measure up. The only stud muffin I've ever mentioned to him was my ex-husband. He is also divorced, we had only a brief conversation about that with few details. So, no...I've given him nothing to rate a comparison with. This is about him, and him only. Gotta hand it to Clockwork on this one... I can feel a gift for the gentleman coming on here.. You also got some backup gifts for this man for the holidays.. I'm glad you get it, because I don't know what either of you are talking about.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

I have zero experience with older men. Posted: 11/17/2009 8:48:44 AM
I agree. However, it seems to be his perception and I have to deal with that. You know you have failed to communicate when you start quoting yourself in your own thread. When I posted this thread I felt inadequate about my communication skills, now I just feel defeated. Time for me to go outside in the sunshine.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

I have zero experience with older men. Posted: 11/17/2009 8:34:15 AM
I'm not worried about his "performance." I am worried about saying something idiotic. We've already covered that point.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

I have zero experience with older men. Posted: 11/17/2009 8:27:29 AM
That can't be Igor. I'm floored. Talk about wild assumptions from a usually sensible man. My feelings are hurt because I am normally a fan of yours. Big fan, in fact. Now I'm positive that I am going to say something stupid to this man. Obviously I am clueless and unable to communicate clearly. I don't know why this makes me nervous, I had never discussed sexuality with this man before and he just woke me up with it this morning. I was unprepared. This isn't easy. The alternative is to forget about it and become a nun, I guess.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

I have zero experience with older men. Posted: 11/17/2009 8:05:04 AM
Op you will get a bunch of crap thrown back at you from this post No doubt. The few men I have met who felt the need to warn me before hand later said something about how surprised they were at how well things worked so YOUR attitude about things will IMPACT very heavily on their performance...go in expecting nothing but spending quality time with a person you care about. That will give him the freedom to be himself with you and the sky is the limit then. Exactly the kind of advice I was looking for. If he was willing to introduce this in conversation, then I'd say he's ready to discuss the topic. Guess it's up to you now to pick up the conversation and say "So, about the physical relationship ..." Normally I can discuss anything! I have no idea why I am so tongue-tied about this! I must like him. I wouldn't categorize a man who's 5 or 6 years older than you as an older man. If you were 14, maybe, but not at 46. He's approximately your own age. I agree. However, it seems to be his perception and I have to deal with that.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

I have zero experience with older men. Posted: 11/17/2009 7:45:25 AM
I have been racking my brain and I honestly can not remember ever having dated a man older than I am. Even my former husband was two years younger than I am. Recently I have been seeing a man in his early-50s. He called me this morning and while we were speaking he told me that he was hoping for a physical relationship eventually. Yeah, it's entirely possible. He has a really fine mind. The rest of him is pretty nice too. He also seemed to want to put a disclaimer on it. His exact words were "I'm not what I used to be, it takes me all day to do what I used to do all day." Is it safe for me to assume that he is feeling a little..I don't know what word to use..insecure? about his "performance"? I blew it on the phone and let that comment slide because I had absolutely no idea what to say to him. I mumbled something about "none of us are what we used to be".....blah, lame. There is another thought nagging me that he's warning me about some physical dysfunction. Egads, I have no experience with these issues. Yeah, yeah I know..communicate with him. He just sort of sprung it on me this morning and I was struck dumb because I don't want to say something jackassy. I'm much more interested in his brain than whats in his pants at this point. I'm a fairly youthful 46 (yeah I know, everyone says that) and I think he thinks of me as much younger than he. I'm not really, we are only talking 5 or 6 years here. It did occur to me that men and women experience sexual prime at different stages of life. (Cruel irony, that.) I haven't got a clue how to reassure him. I feel like a nerd. Will you share your thoughts on this topic?

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

A question for you all... Posted: 11/16/2009 11:47:36 PM
There are only so many great men to go around. Maybe only eight. Just kidding. When you find one, be prepared that there will be many other women who have noticed him too. He gets to choose.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 72 (view)

Too small for a condom !?! Then What??? Posted: 11/16/2009 11:01:49 PM
Gracious, guys (or rather, gals), quick to condemn much? If she suggested just wearing smaller ones, and he didn't go for it, THEN he's obviously just trying to get out of it. As it stands, all he's done so far is express a concern of his Greatest excuse ever to get a woman to let you hit it raw. ?_? sigh Nevermind. Guys are jackasses. Now THAT was funny!

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

Whats the difference? Posted: 11/16/2009 10:33:05 PM
Well first of all, you're gorgeous, so you're going to get all kinds of guys trying to convince you that you should be following their agenda. You should already be used to that, though. I changed mine from longterm to friends because what I am looking for is so unlikely to be here and I don't want to waste anyone's time. Even if he was here, I might not recognize him. Some things don't translate to text. I have more success offline so I'm sort of lukewarm about POF. Listing myself as "friends" leaves the door open without really encouraging anything.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Is the number of acceptable places to approach women offline shrinking? Posted: 11/16/2009 9:04:05 PM
Is the number of acceptable places to approach women offline shrinking? I think what you're noticing is that our culture has changed dramatically in the last few decades and society is still adjusting to those changes. Everything moves so fast, courtesy has become disposable and people can isolate themselves even in public. I think that is why iPods are so popular. Same thing for online social networks. Also, North Americans spend way too much time at work. It's hard to switch gears for some folks. Our general lifestyle is just too busy.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 51 (view)

The other side of WTF was he thinking? Posted: 11/16/2009 8:52:39 PM
Congratulations OP. You have some self respect. Apparently your date has a different value system than yours. No match this time.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Hooked on having a FWB? Posted: 11/16/2009 8:15:31 PM
I suppose you can get addicted to anything. I would never participate in a FWB situation, to me it seems like that's all about keeping your distance and sex is all about closing that distance. Seems counter-intuitive to me.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 103 (view)

independent women fall the hardest Posted: 11/16/2009 8:09:15 PM
If you can be alone and entertained by your own mind and your own thoughts, you are truly independent. That's an interesting idea. I think that's only part of it though. Seems everyone has their own opinion of what independence means. That's a good thing, imo.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

What does it mean when a girl invites you to her place on first date Posted: 11/16/2009 7:34:01 PM
You could ask a hundred different people and get a hundred different answers. Everyone has an opinion, but they don't know, do they? It could mean anything. Best case, she is naive and doesn't know better. Worst case, she has something diabolical planned. The only question here is, why did you go?

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

tell me what you would do! (help me out girls) Posted: 11/16/2009 6:22:04 AM
I just feel there's something unresolved about this! I just wanted to understand why the silence! What kills me is not getting a negative answer, but not getting an answer at all! The silence is your answer. Don't waste another minute thinking about someone who isn't thinking about you.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

Guilty until proven innocent Posted: 11/15/2009 12:43:32 PM
Well , it's like Grampa Rick used to say: It's the guilty dog , that barks first ! We called it, first one knowed it throwed it. My country grannie used to say "The chicken what clucks the loudest is the one what laid the egg."

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Chivalry or babying Posted: 11/15/2009 9:13:02 AM
I feel gawked at by other men when I hold the door open for a strange women. I find it even more peculiar, when women give you that "I can hold my own damn door" almost prompting me to slam it in her face. I call bullsh!t on this thread. First women give you a hard time for basic courtesy (opening doors has nothing to do with chivalry, it's simple common courtesy), and also men are gawking at you? How self-conscious ARE you? You don't live in the same world as the rest of us or else you're simply making this crap up.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 40 (view)

do ladies get turned on by strong hands and fingers.. Posted: 11/14/2009 6:27:08 AM
Are you kidding me? Eyebrows are everything.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

Looking For Some Real Honest Answers Here Posted: 11/14/2009 5:41:10 AM
Women want to be a part of a man's life. They don't want to be his whole life.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

why do men assume you want to talk sex ? Posted: 11/14/2009 4:48:37 AM
They don't care what you want. They forge right ahead with with their own agenda.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 180 (view)

Strong Willed Women Posted: 11/14/2009 4:45:55 AM
Well ya know, you're either strong or you're weak. I am what I am. T.H. White wrote in The Once and Future King that Might should be used for Right. The mighty should protect the weak. A strong person doesn't have to use coarse tactics, that's the trademark of the less powerful, imo.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 33 (view)

Serendipity? Posted: 11/14/2009 4:23:51 AM
I am a musician so I have a large circle of friends who have been a part of the local arts scene for a long time. Most of us have known each other 20+ years. There are plenty of men in that circle I have never dated, but would consider friends or acquaintances. Some of them expressed interest when we were younger and for whatever reason, it never happened. Since my divorce I have dated a few of these oldtimers and it's nice to know who your getting involved with. Sure, we've all changed, but the guys with character 20 years ago, still have it. I don't label it. It just is what it is. Mostly it's just comfortable.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Female Tool of the Trade Posted: 11/14/2009 4:10:27 AM
I can't imagine that happening. I suppose it's possible, but not for me.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 55 (view)

independent women fall the hardest Posted: 11/14/2009 3:58:07 AM
^^You're so deep. You think on an entirely different level and as usual you've made important observations. I think that people are not static, sometimes we veer toward one end of the spectrum and sometimes the other. It's not always easy being single, we are social animals. No one can really survive alone. Our culture has lost it's sense of community for the most part and I think people mistake that longing for fellowship for romantic longing sometimes. When you add sexuality to that scenario, it's no wonder that people get confused. That's why I turned the TV off and started listening to my own thoughts. Our culture is an anti-culture based on consumerism, and it has nothing to do with the common good of it's citizens. Independence is a necessity in Western anti-culture. We have abandoned the tribe. Fend for yourself. Keep your heart hopeful.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 46 (view)

Engagement rings for men? Posted: 11/14/2009 3:44:01 AM
Oh who cares. If he wants one, why not? As long as he's not all blinged out like a rapper, I don't give a hoot.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 41 (view)

Ditching a person that's Bad News Posted: 11/14/2009 3:31:54 AM
It's possible that the gossip is true. It's also possible that he feels remorse for his past and has changed but that's a longshot. Doesn't matter because now the way you feel about him has changed. Simply tell him that you're not interested, you don't owe him an explanation. One date does not obligate you. If you must ....blame it on a woman's prerogative. That is where that phrase originated. You're free to change your mind at any point in the courting process until you say "I do". You're nicer than me, I'd just say "Yo dude, I'm not feeling it. See ya and good luck." Date the ones who you ARENT attracted to. The nerds.. the geeks.. the shy guys.. the ones with not one piece of "badboy/swarthy/sexy/rogue" in em. That is just not possible or even practical advice. Even the nerdiest geek still has a little swarthy rogue in him if he's got a pair. Homer Simpson still thinks he deserves Cindy Crawford. Asking a woman to date a man shes not even remotely attracted to will only ensure that said main becomes familiar with blue balls. Then he will REALLY be pissed.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Dealing with the crazies Posted: 11/14/2009 3:15:13 AM
We hadn't met in person, but her "intuition" said we were meant to be together. I wrote her a very negative letter about how what she did to me was tantamount to cheating (she bragged about always being faithful. I mainly wrote this letter hoping she would leave me alone). Am I dealing with a potential stalker? No. What you are dealing with is your inability to communicate and the mixed messages you are sending. Just tell her no already, sheesh.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Sending RL Guys to Online Profile Posted: 11/14/2009 3:02:36 AM
No, I wouldn't do that for many reasons. For one, I wouldn't want to give him any ideas. Secondly, I prefer to interact face to face. I can sit down and communicate who I am and what I want just fine while I am looking into his eyes. It's intimate and you can respond to their questions and reactions immediately. I don't like to fence in my communication, I like it fluid and natural. (Oddly enough, while I was still meeting men from POF I met a few who were unable to return my gaze. They simply could not maintain eye contact, however after meeting in person they were animated in email. I guess they were REALLY nervous, but seriously? Look at me when we are speaking to each other. I found myself unmotivated to carry the conversation and lost interest quickly.) Additionally, there is still a stigma attached to trolling for guys on the internet. (lol) I don't care if my girlfriends know, but it's not generally something I discuss with men. The one exception would be if I were to become exclusive and commited to someone who was unaware my profile existed, I would seek his opinion about having an active profile on a dating site. So far the one man I got semi-serious with had no problems with it at all. I never gave him a reason to doubt my loyalty, and he was secure enough to not give it a second thought. He felt certain that I would prefer his flesh and blood to some pixels on a screen. He was right. If I got involved with a man who had reservations about it, I would consider his feelings about deletion. As far as sharing this place with men I am only dating? Hell no. Too many smart, sexy women here. I don't like competition.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 69 (view)

The Longer it takes To Get Her in Bed..The Lousier the Lover? Posted: 11/14/2009 2:37:41 AM
You should be able to tell what kind of sex you'll be having long before you get to the bedroom. Or maybe you just don't know how to read your lovers.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 44 (view)

being ignored Posted: 11/14/2009 2:27:37 AM
Not enough info. If one or both people are upset then a little time out is a good idea. Some people need time to think things through. If someone is being passive-aggressive, controlling and witholding thats another issue altogether. I don't hang with the silent treatment. Even when time out is called, I expect both parties to communicate and understand that it is a timeout. I'll give you all the time you need if you are respectful to me. The silent treatment is disrespectful. I'm not going to stand there knocking on your door for very long. People like that are too much trouble, I am not motivated to deal with people who expect me to read minds. If you don't respect me, then we don't have much to lose anyway.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

A question for all the mothers out there. Posted: 11/14/2009 2:12:07 AM
Nice guys expect to be rewarded for being nice. Everyone else is nice because it's the right thing to do. You're not really that nice if you think you deserve payback for what most people just do naturally.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 360 (view)

What words would you LEAST like to hear after sex? Posted: 11/14/2009 1:32:53 AM
Excuse me while I call my wife.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 38 (view)

do ladies get turned on by strong hands and fingers.. Posted: 11/14/2009 1:29:56 AM
I don't get "turned on" by hands unless I'm already turned on. I do always notice nice hands though. Men and women. Grooming can tell you a lot about a person. I dated a busy auto mechanic and I never found grease under his nails unless he was actually working. I'm an eyebrows and triceps girl.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 44 (view)

Would you be with someone that you knew you liked more? Posted: 11/14/2009 1:19:43 AM
If you were with someone that liked you but you felt you were in love with them, would you stay with them? Although I can sympathize with your angst, I don't do the unrequited thing. It is necessary for me to be with a man who considers my relationship with him to be special. I am not going to try to define a relationship I haven't had yet, but it must be emotionally fulfilling or I haven't got the motivation. When I commit, I expect to give the best parts of myself, I can't do that if I am not being nurtured. Reciprocation must come voluntarily, freely and with a fair amount of communication or I just can't hang. People always know where they stand with me. I keep my nose clean and my objectives crystal clear because I simply can't stand confusion. A man who really loves you will go to great extremes to be with you. If you've never had that experience, I suggest you wait for it and quit wasting time with people who just aren't feeling it. It's worth the wait. Nothing is sexier than a man who is really into me, but nothing is more valuable, desired and dare I say, precious than a man who trusts me with his heart. Once Christmas morning many years ago, I awoke to my then boyfriend lying in bed with nothing on but a big red bow artfully tied around his penis. At first, I laughed. Then it hit me, just how wonderful a gift his love really was. Yes, eventually it ended but he was always really good to me just the way I like it. He enjoyed my happiness. Wait for the real thing.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 48 (view)

BF will not tell me his birthdate or where he works - is this wierd to you guys? Posted: 11/14/2009 12:55:47 AM
Hey Big Hush, we don't always agree, but I usually understand where you're coming from on most topics. Why don't you list some of those important things for her (and me). I'm curious about what you would say.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Miley Cyrus song stuck in my head... Help me please Posted: 11/14/2009 12:08:29 AM
My little nephews love this song. They play it on the damn radio all the time. I'm convinced that the target market for commercial radio is teen girls. Try ...oh lets see....The Commodores She's a Brick house, that should clean your internal radio out.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Having multiple partners just because one is bisexual... Kind of weird but.. Posted: 11/14/2009 12:04:28 AM
Bisexual people confuse me to the point where I would consider it a dealbreaker. No judgement, I just cant hang.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 49 (view)

independent women fall the hardest Posted: 11/13/2009 11:59:22 PM
You say "independent" like its a bad thing. I disagree. I think most people would disagree. I think independence is absolutely crucial for survival. What do you want these "independent women" to do? Sit under a bridge homeless until Prince Charming comes to rescue them? Get on welfare? Mooch off mom and dad until marriage? Adults are naturally independent, male and female. Get awfully hungry if you're not. Most adults prefer to make their own way in life. Some even have higher aspirations. Falling crazy, madly, irrationally in love is a universal experience. Most people have done it at least once. When that happens to an individual, it doesn't matter who you are, what you do or how you live your life, you're going to be vulnerable. Independent or not.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

hairdressers Posted: 11/13/2009 11:23:10 PM
I know an awful lot of married hairdressers. Just sayin'.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

What Would You Do? Trying to Make sense of the Ex Factor... Posted: 11/13/2009 11:15:42 PM
Not enough info. If you were really disrespectful while you were breaking up, there's no point in going back. Some things can't be unsaid or undone.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Why is romantic not desirable anymore? Posted: 11/13/2009 11:11:58 PM
There is a difference between romance and romantic gestures. Far too often gestures are used to manipulate. Without the actual "romance" the gestures are useless.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

A question for all the mothers out there. Posted: 11/13/2009 11:09:44 PM
Saying all women want jerks is like saying all men want bimbos. It's a ridiculous statement made by people who don't spend much time thinking.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

how should a woman act on first date to earn a second date Posted: 11/13/2009 10:20:55 PM
Last month I started a thread about intimacy. The conclusion I drew from that thread is that good relationships are organic and only need nurturing because they can not be "created". Go with the flow and see what develops.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

favorite list delete? Posted: 11/13/2009 10:14:17 PM
Your thoughts? I think you're over thinking your favorites list. This is supposed to be fun, remember? Relax and take everything with a grain of salt. Why don't you just email him?

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

do men your own age even like ya or older Posted: 11/13/2009 10:05:54 PM
Well of course you're good looking. Don't let your head get turned by every man who tells you so. The early 20's are a unique stage in life, I have a few friends that age but sooner or later I'm going to go all maternal. It's only normal. No relationship potential there.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

female roommate Posted: 11/12/2009 12:33:27 PM
I wouldn't have an opinion.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

how should I play this? Posted: 11/12/2009 11:50:32 AM
Conventional etiquette would suggest that you accept a gift graciously, you are free to reciprocate. Please allow her to pay, just suggest a place within her means. Why don't you ask her for "a date date" if you enjoy the date she has planned. You need to drop your expectations and deal with what is presently in front of you. So far, you get food. That's it until you see her and talk about it. No one on this forum has any idea what your friend wants from you. Don't over-think it, you'll spoil the fun.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

She likes me ... but how to do it ?? Posted: 11/12/2009 11:39:26 AM
I think you're very thoughtful and gentle. Now stop thinking so much and go charm the pants off her. Time to be gently assertive. TALK to her. Good luck.

-Iconoclast-

Joined: 5/18/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Signs of interest? Or stringing me along? Posted: 11/12/2009 11:32:38 AM
I have a novel idea. Why don't you ask HER what she wants from you because none of us know.

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