Too small for a condom !?! Then What??? chat & forums.

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vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 85 (view)

Too small for a condom !?! Then What??? Posted: 11/18/2009 5:56:07 PM
I have to give the OP a great deal of credit for not letting a person's phyical attributes deter her from seeing a person. I think that is a wonderful quality. Trying to be as politically correct as possible, I would think they have condoms for men who suffer from dwarfism (what some refer to as "little people"). I'm sure a qualified physician or pharmacist would be able to give them couple the proper direction to find what they need.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Is it always cold in CT? Posted: 11/15/2009 12:47:44 PM
I had been saying this about Connecticut women for a long time. It seems the last few women I dated were from out of state. It seemed these women were much more friendly and didn't have what i could only terms as the "attitude" that Connecticut women have. One friend who moved to California says that many California women and Connecticut women are from the same cut - they think their "emissions" don't stink! The last thing I want to do is date somebody who has the attitude.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 80 (view)

What is the strangest way you were told it was over Posted: 10/15/2009 6:22:12 PM
A friend of mine told me he was once dumped and only discovered the fact when he went out to check it mail at the post office ... and found a wedding invitation from his now-ex and her soon-to-be hubby! If that doesn't take the cake, nothing does. Of course, I have to wonder about this particular friend as I would really think there would have been some warning signals that the relationship was on the rocks.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Dealing with loss and moving on Posted: 10/10/2009 8:31:41 AM
As know for me I ended up filling the loss of someone very close to me with immersing myself in my work and career. When I was in my late teens I met a young lady thanks to working on the radio. She was a regular listener to my show and one day I invited her to visit me while at the studio. I was floored to see this lovely blonde haired beauty walk into the studio! Well, it took a little time but I soon realized with everything we shared in common she was the person I wanted to spend my life with. Unfortunately, things would have a tragic turn. Due to the thoughtless act of a drunk driver, her life was cut incredibly short. The loss hit me hard. Neither my family nor my closest friends ever knew about this situation in my life. I ended up burying myself in school, work and career goals as a way to manage the hurt. It would take me just over ten years before I got myself into a mindset that I even wanted to date again let alone feel I would want to get close to another woman. Everybody deals with grief differently. I felt, still living at home at the time, I didn't want to burden my family with my "problem" although there were times I would drive around endlessly to clear my mind. I never gave anybody, including my friends, any hints of what had happened to me nor did I share it with anybody. There are still people very close to me who have no idea of this past incident. So we all handle it on differently.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

What's the record for finding somebody new after a loss? Posted: 10/10/2009 8:23:19 AM
At least in my case I took a very, VERY long time ... twice! When I was in my late teens I met a young lady thanks to working on the radio. She was a regular listener to my show and one day I invited her to visit me while at the studio. I was floored to see this lovely blonde haired beauty walk into the studio! Well, it took a little time but I soon realized with everything we shared in common she was the person I wanted to spend my life with. Unfortunately, things would have a tragic turn. Due to the thoughtless act of a drunk driver, her life was cut incredibly short. The loss hit me hard. Neither my family nor my closest friends ever knew about this situation in my life. I ended up burying myself in my work and career goals to manage the hurt. It would take me just over ten years before I got myself into a mindset that I even wanted to date again. A similar situation happened to me again twelve years ago with the loss of woman due to an illness and using several online dating venues I have yet to meet somebody who I'd like to date, let alone get into a relationship with. I don't know if I have the vision of what I remember as the "perfect" relationship or that women have so radically changed as time goes on. I know I've seen all too many women who are less forgiving of things such as lack of height or hair than back into my twenties and thirties.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 63 (view)

Has Anyone Found Love On This Site?? Posted: 9/19/2009 4:59:53 AM
I've gotten close, but it's usually with women who live a great distance away like New York, New Jersey and Massachusetts. There are some real super women out there who have it all together ... too bad they aren't within a reasonable driving distance. I can't figure out what word describes the Connecticut women I've corresponded with best: shallow, superficial or discourteous. Between the lack of courtesy in sending any sort of reply to just being downright rude in their response. It says quite a bit about the women in this state, not to mention the human condition. Finding love on any site is next to impossible where the participants can't even be polite enough to read someone's profile, let alone use the reply button.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

The type of people you attract here? Posted: 9/18/2009 7:29:32 PM
nathan_x wrote: Since I won't post my photo publicly(I share it privately), and all people have to go by is my profile, which is fairly well written, I think... I get a lot of fat girls. I'm not gonna lie. I get a lot of fat girls and single moms. That seems to be the same here, too. I don't know if they assume that since I'm shorter than average for a male that I am more prone to jump at the chance to meet anybody or what. The other type I get, but not nearly as often, are very nice women near my age but with absolutely nothing in common.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 64 (view)

Alcohol and Baby-Boomers Posted: 9/1/2009 8:12:58 AM
Well, well, well. I now have an new noun to describe myself - that being "idiot". Yup, I'm one of those people who enjoys having a beer. Obviously, you have just set yourself apart from the meaning of the quote. A beer, as in one, doesn't make one an idiot. I've seen my share of people, both men and women, who think that pickling their livers with multiple cans to several six-packs to kegs of beer is the only avenue to an enjoyable time. A single beer is just like a person who has a single mixed drink - one can enjoy it and not be considered a lush. It's just in with all the people I've met in my lifetime the women who had more than a rare to casual interest in beer never came off as being intelligent. Hardly scientific by any means, but openly observed just the same. While the quote from that Simpson's episode may ring more true in some places over others, it may or may not be more true near you. Your mileage may vary.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 50 (view)

When we were young, things were pretty simple Posted: 8/30/2009 7:24:37 AM
At least when I was young the world was a very different place, be it for better or for worse. Just remembering the Civil Defense signs around the grade school and the fallout shelter was a remembrance of things I had missed by virtue of birth. Having grown up in a rural community where there wasn't any ethnicity other than white it would be awhile before I discovered the multiple races of folks outside of history and social studies textbooks. Teem pregnancy was kept quiet back in the day while today there's in-school nurseries for unwed children with children can (hopefully) complete high school and give their child and hopefully themselves a future. Having been short for my age, I found girls and young women more will to date than the women of today's age. It was an age where people accepted others for who they were and were willing to get to know them. Today, people are more guarded, judgmental and superficial. They let the drones of the television and fashion industries govern what should be socially acceptable, from height, hair, dress, income, material possessions and social status. Heck, if it wasn't for television there wouldn't be a glut of programs on-the-air with cussing in every paragraph (as a previous poster mentioned) not to mention the widening of the class system - just look at shows like Dallas and Dynasty! I think there are still plenty of things that were throwbacks to our days, but things like the "class system" is so much more evident than it was growing up. Today people are judged on whether they drive a BMW or a Honda or a Yugo (that's if there's a Yugo that's still running). I have to agree, while civilization has moved forward since my childhood i wouldn't necessarily agree it's for the better. Things where definitely much simpler back int the day.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 59 (view)

Alcohol and Baby-Boomers Posted: 8/30/2009 7:04:40 AM
I think a drink, maybe too, when meeting somebody is fine. When I meet someone who must imbibe to a greater degree it sort of makes me question many aspects of the person, especially if it's on a first date. I'm not a drinker by any means but will have one once in a great while and usually with dinner, otherwise I'm fine with a non-alcoholic beverage. Maybe I'm the exception to the baby boomer set? Of course, whenever I meet a woman and she must have a beer I always hear a particular quote from The Simpsons come to mind, ''Beer is the nectar of idiots''.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 38 (view)

Are professional pictures better? Posted: 8/30/2009 6:55:50 AM
All in all, some real good advice here. I guess I'm sort of on the fence myself as it's hard to take a photo of yourself and not make it look staged, then again, I don't want everybody in my world knowing I'm out looking for somebody - if you have the all-too-well-meaning friends who try to fix you up you'll know exactly where I'm coming from. The gent earlier who said he had a pro photographer take his shots makes a lot of sense, since a pro usually has very good equipment and the skill to make a natural photograph. I've looked at tons of candid photos taken by friends and while they are memorable to me, they aren't of good enough quality for a variety of reasons. The only thing I wonder about it how much a pro photog will charge you to drag them all over the place to get a handful of decent shots? I suppose in the end the final product will let you know if it was worth the effort. I guess I'll go pitch that 60's Polaroid and find somebody with some picture taking talent! javascript:smilie('')

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

looseing ya girl to Deth lonely and sad Posted: 8/26/2009 5:30:19 PM
It's always difficult to lose someone to death and it's important you take the time to grieve. If you feel the need you should seek out counseling to "clear the air, clear the mind" so you can get back to some sense of normal. I'm not saying to forget the times you had together, but to not let it get you down. When I was in my late teens I was with this girl who use to be one of my listeners when I was on the air. We finally met and I smitten with her. We had been together for some time and a drunk driver ended up taking her life. I never told my family or friends and would only grieve in private. I know it took a long time to cleanse myself, which included immersing myself in work. Reflecting on it now it probably would have been better to let those who I would have considered my "support system", my family and friends, help me through it. With the events going on at the time I didn't think it wise to toss something else on the fire. It took nearly 10 years before I had a desire to date again and boy was I in for a shock on how the dating world had changed! I wish you well and I know you will be a better person for having survived this experience. It may be a rough patch in your life now but I'm sure you will eventually persevere.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

At what point do you give up Posted: 8/26/2009 4:20:15 PM
Some of the folks think it may be location and it very well may be. You may just have to open up your search a little further and see what the net brings in (that's why they call is fishing, right?) You could be much worse off! I live in a US state where shallow is the credo of all too many women. Perception is another thing. Being shorter than average height for a male not to mention being "folically challenged" doesn't give me much luck, especially since people judge more on photographs than what they may actually read in one's profile. I have to admit I have more enjoyment in the forums than wasting time writing to somebody only to find the ol' "read deleted" on my screen. The days of common courtesy have long since past! While I try to return the favor of a reply to politely tell someone why I may not be interested (usually its distance) today's women don't have the presence of mind to even offer up a "thanks, but no thanks". I think you simple have to take these cyber-dating sites as "for your entertainment only" sort of venues. There are all too many people who are still out there with their assumption, right or wrong, that they are only going to reach for the brass ring and nothing less. They may soon discover their expectations are set high above what they should be in reality or they may find themselves on the receiving end of the "read deleted" land of responses.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 67 (view)

tell tale signs in profiles Posted: 8/15/2009 6:40:22 PM
Pashune wrote: "Lookin' for mah country boi" Indicates that you are a redneck and will accept nothing less of a 6-pack, muscle bulging hillbilly. It's astonishing how many women in my area use that as their profile header. Astonishing and depressing anyway. That sure ranks right up there with "I want to be the queen of your double-wide trailer". If that doesn't shout signs of redneck, nothin' does!

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 64 (view)

tell tale signs in profiles Posted: 8/15/2009 3:35:20 PM
This thread brought up some really great flags. Excuse any duplication, but these are the ones I have seen with regularity: 1. Poor spelling, grammar, punctuation (lazy or uneducated?). In a day where spell check is all over the place should this even exist? It's not like people are on this site with a Commodore 64! 2. Lack of photos (even today's crappiest cell phone has a camera). Even if you don't have one, can't you at least find one friend who has a camera or cell phone to take a picture for you? There are even disposable digital cameras for this purpose. You can even have the local quick photo center digitize a photo even if you can't figure it out. 3. "Sexy" poses with car / motorcycle / boat (like I want to date car, motorcycle or boat). If they person is trying to impress with material objects that in itself is a red flag. 4. Photos strategically taken to hide a body type not reflective of what the profile indicates. If I see another "lollipop" pose with the hand under one's chin and arm in front of one's neck in an attempt to hide the fact they are overweight I'm going to scream! These people also haven't accepted the reality of their own body image - a bonus red flag exposed here! 5. Text Speak (have we people actually become THAT lazy?). OK, I don't text speak at all in my life, but most every computer I've ever seen has a real keyboard - get acquainted with it! 6. The "age" ploy, which has been previously discussed. 7. Profile riddled with "Prefer not to say" (like you can't read between the lines). Be it for smoking, drinking, drugs, children, whatever - the answer is pretty self explanatory! While it's a repeat, roninvince nailed it as far as I'm concerned: 8. The "I am TALL and I like to wear heels, so therefore, I would prefer a TALL man" line - So not only are you telling me that you dictate who you date by what you wear, (which would be as messed up as a guy saying: I like to wear stilts so you have to be tall) but it also tells me that you care more about what other people perceive you in a couple than how you perceive yourself with a partner. 1kindMan4U said: Women complain about UNcommunicative men. Obviously I know how to communicate and you and your kind choose to knock me for that too. While I was in the middle of this very post I got a POF email from someone commenting on the length of MY profile. On one hand, people want to know about the other person before they make contact. On the other hand they complain that a person has something to hide when they have a short non-descript profile. Seems like you can't win with that one!

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 199 (view)

Do nerds actually have girlfriends? Posted: 8/8/2009 8:02:50 AM
No, nerds cannot by definition have a girlfriend. So, you mean these poor guys never get together with "nerdettes"? Is the same thing true for the "geeks" and the "geekettes"? Seriously, a friend of mine is the poster child for nerds and not only did he had a girlfriend, he also married (and was later proposed to by a very attractive woman who had regrets about not asking him earlier). When I saw the picture of the women I nearly fainted! I think like everything in society, some people "get it' and some people don't. I've seen people who were attracted to people with smarts and I've also seen people attracted to those with lesser intelligence. I think it's more lack of the "social graces" that prevent many nerds from dating or having social interaction with the opposite sex.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 172 (view)

Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/4/2009 4:55:13 PM
At least in my case it's not that I started to hate women, but I suppose I have a strong dislike for the environment that some women have come from and the associated social traits they carry with them. It seems many of the women local to me are just superficial when it comes to certain aspects of a male, such as height and hair. If a man isn't "GQ" caliber then he isn't worthy of their attention. In the last week I met two women thanks to some visiting friends. One woman was an Aussie and the other was a Brit. I found it simply fascinating to speak to them regarding how they view the singles "scene" here in the US in comparison to their home countries. Even they noticed just how shallow many American women are. While many women from outside of the US would be happy to meet a nice guy here and have what would have once been considered the "American dream" of the house with the white picket fence, etc, they see many American women as gold diggers, living for the here and now and not vesting much into the future. Even the most beautiful woman will eventually get wrinkles and sags, not to mention the associated health issues that accompanies getting older. Do I hate women? No, but I am less fond of those who lack any depth of character in today's society. While it would be nice to have a companion I'm not all wrapped up frettin' about finding one. If it happens, it happens. I've been content living the singles life and enjoy my time as totally mine. After watching a long time friend go through a very messy divorce I consider myself fortunate in my trials with women. This poor s.o.b. REALLY hates women now ... especially since he's been taken to the proverbial cleaners by his ex!

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 87 (view)

You've talked about fat guys, what about shorter guys? Posted: 8/1/2009 8:49:30 PM
I've read this thread with great interest. Let me put my spin on things: Back when I was in my teens I had no problem dating. I dated girls who were both older and younger as well as those who were shorter and taller than myself. These were much simpler times in society and girls easily looked past a boys height - thank God I still had a full head of hair back then! In my twenties and early thirties I noticed it started to get harder to date women. Granted, I started to lose my hair but I started to hear the dreaded "H" word mentioned more and more often - height! When I did date, it was mostly women who were shorter than myself but I did have a relationship with a very slender, tall and very good looking woman. Neither of us had a problem with each other's height so I know there were women out there who could see past one's height ... or lack of it. As social values started to progress toward the "Yuppie" generation it appeared women became, do I dare say it, more "shallow" when it came to a guy's physical appearance, be it height, hair or the like. While this may be particularly true with the "beautiful" set (as in out of the league of the short guy) even the shorter and more plain looking women became more discriminating in their dating criteria. There also seems to be dictated by geography as well. While I have had a friend of mine tell me California is pretty much a lock against the short and/or hair challenged male, places like New York as well as affluent Fairfield County, Connecticut also harbor a large quantity of women who wouldn't give a short or balding male the time of day. I laugh when I think about it. I have a dear friend who has what I consider a fairy-tale marriage. She is 5'8" and stunning, her hubby is 6'1" and looks like he walked off a GQ photo shoot. His wife and I had been friends since childhood and she keeps telling me to get out and date. She has yet to figure out that many of today's women just look at the cover and never bother to open the book. I look at it that it's their loss. I survived without a woman this long so I don't plan on losing any sleep over it. If I find a woman I can connect with, regardless of her height, that will be a bonus.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Should I be apprehensive giving my cell # before any real email? Posted: 8/1/2009 12:42:05 PM
I would be ultra-apprehensive about giving somebody any of my phone numbers before any correspondence took place. As far as photos go, if they are compelled to share a photo with you and they don't want to make it public there's the option of private photos in their profile. The cell phone ploy sounds pretty hinky if you ask me.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 35 (view)

Contact rules Posted: 8/1/2009 12:36:10 PM
The worst that would happen by contacting them is that they don't respond at all.. I don't understand that.. but that is how many handle it While I'm not a fan of "rules" it would be nice that if people have some common courtesy to say (politely, I must add), that they simply aren't interested. I try to treat people the way I would like to be, and I send a reply to folks I'm not interested in (with the one exception that I deleted a communication before I replied to it). I suppose there is some sort of anonymity being here and many feel "the brush" (the ol' read-and-delete) is "just the way it is". You've got little to lose in contacting somebody and you never know who may actually surprise you. I recall somebody saying "life is like a box of chocolates".

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 195 (view)

Does intelligence turn you on? Posted: 8/1/2009 12:25:10 PM
I wish I noticed this thread earlier ... For me, I find intelligent women more of a turn on than a threat. I consider myself humble enough to know that you can always learn something new from anybody. I consider myself a pretty smart person and I'm always open to learning as well as sharing. I have dated some intellectually stimulating women where we talked all night about a variety of subjects. We ended up talking until the sun came up. It was such an exhilarating feeling for a first date! I was lucky enough to date a few of these women long term and while those relationships may be over, that feeling of connecting still sits with me. So, I suppose I find intelligence, be it "nerdy", "brainy" or maybe even "geeky" a turn on. I've met women who could fall into any of those three and to me they were always something special in meeting them, dating them or ending up in a relationship with them.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 32 (view)

Length of time to heal after divorced before dating Posted: 7/30/2009 2:47:30 PM
My friend who just completed his divorce is being "fixed up" by a co-worker of ours and I wonder just how he's going to do. I keep telling him not to swell on his recent divorce and all the things he can't stand about his ex, but I have this sad feeling he is going to sabotage himself. At least I found out today he is still active in counseling so I hope he gets some guidance - whether he listens to it or not, that's another story. He told me he is going to take a trip up North to meet the soon-to-be ex of the guy who broke up his marriage. This lady and my friend had been "trading notes" about the activities of the cheating spouses. I just hope that his going to me her isn't going to further screw with his mind. Somehow I have a bad feeling for my friend, but I don't want to drive him into a bad situation by butting in with my own advice.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 52 (view)

First things you look at in a profile HONESTLY! Posted: 7/28/2009 4:01:11 PM
Great topic! As far as I'm concerned: 1. Photos 2. Smoker 3. Marital Status 4. Looking for 5. About Me (especially looking at spelling, grammar and punctuation (or lack of it) and how they express themselves. 6. City 7. Smarts 8. Children As far as my personal preferences, smokers are a no-go, separated folks as still considered legally attached and are equally a no-go, I'm open to situations with kids since there are all sorts of kids and all sorts of situations. I'm not bothered by a woman's height but have found most women fall into the typical social stereotype of not wanting to date men shorter than themselves. I use to hold a lot of merit on education, but I've met people with degrees who are as dumb as a rock while I've met high school grads who are much more intelligent than many with a sheepskin. Lastly, since tattoos are out in my book pictures can be revealing in the case where someone had neglected to mention it in their narrative.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Length of time to heal after divorced before dating Posted: 7/28/2009 3:48:19 PM
A close friend of mine, just short of his 60th birthday, had recently finished a rather messy divorce after having been married for more than 35 years. I think he needs some time to heal and get things into prospective, as he keeps telling everybody about his situation. Even though he's finally divorced it's pretty clear he's not over his now ex-wife. The sad thing is he thinks he's going to score some 30-something. With all the baggage he's carrying I think he's going to scare any potential new friend away, let alone any chance of making a new friend. Should I attempt to help my friend or should I just let him be and see what happens? I don't want him to become more disgusted but at the rate he laments to everyone (including mere acquaintances) I don't see things going well for him if every other word out of his mouth is about his ex.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 86 (view)

I am a 43 year old widower in ct. Posted: 7/28/2009 3:32:50 PM
While the statistics I've gathered may not be scientific by any means, the numbers I've collected so far in my journey here on POF show that nearly all Connecticut women contacted read & delete email without replying, while the women from outside the state (NY, NJ, and Mass) are all courteous and respond back with an email (some with interest, others politely stating they're not). It seems that the women from out of state have totally outclassed the CT women I've corresponded with (if you consider writing and not receiving any reply correspondence).

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 29 (view)

Yahoo Bots are out in force and they're quite convincing Posted: 7/19/2009 6:38:57 PM
RenaissanceMan1950 said: Some people just have too many issues to date. My question about that always is, "so why are you on a dating site?" I love it when people take things out of context to come up with half-brain assumptions. My comment of "I would even be leery of taking things from online to an in-person meet." was qualified by the remaining portion of the paragraph " While I can not speak of any known experience on POF, there are other sites where they even have paid "employee" members to go out on dates with other members - perhaps in a way to legitimize their service and collect membership fees. That's sort of one step beyond the ol' bot ploy." The idea of not knowing if a service was actually scummy enough to create fake dates to try to lure customers to spend money on continuing subscription payments. I have no reason to not date and have met and dated folks using these online venues. I think common sense prevails when it comes to dating, be it in the virtual/online arena or in face-to-face "real life" circumstances.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 253 (view)

When the bill comes on a first date... Posted: 7/18/2009 6:05:51 PM
While I have seen quite a few women with class enough to offer to split the bill (and I even had one who insisted on paying the entire bill, which was a total shocker) many women in my area expect to be wined and dined. I've seen too many women who were out for the free meal and had no other intention of going out with somebody. Unless I have a hint of a possibility of a connection I usually plan the date for a brief meet for coffee or something equally as simple and inexpensive. If things progress I have no problem treating a woman to fine dining and all that goes with a relationship - I refuse to be a free meal ticket for any woman who thinks they're doing me a favor by meeting me. Is it me, or are the women with class getting harder to find?

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

Yahoo Bots are out in force and they're quite convincing Posted: 7/18/2009 5:53:40 PM
While I know there are some pretty convincing bots out there but straight out asking for a credit card for "age verification purposes" sort of takes the cake! I guess one has to be on guard when it comes to these. I avoid instant messaging even though I have access to some sophisticated network tools when I need them. I would even be leery of taking things from online to an in-person meet. While I can not speak of any known experience on POF, there are other sites where they even have paid "employee" members to go out on dates with other members - perhaps in a way to legitimize their service and collect membership fees. That's sort of one step beyond the ol' bot ploy.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

The possible ripple efect of the TWO lawsuits against Match.com Posted: 7/3/2009 5:48:43 PM
It's a shame that the Brooklyn attorney didn't do deeper investigation. I know from my casual use of Match.com that there are many - and I mean LOADS of fake ads being posted (probably in an attempt to shill their member counts to advertisers). When I seen the same photos in ad postings in two different geographical locations you don't have to be a rocket scientist to smell out the legitimacy of these ads. Speaking of phony ads on Match, it's even more hilarious to see ads from alleged 20-somethings and 30-somethings looking to meet men in ages upwards of 60 and 70 years old. Give me a break! All these ads have clear patterns that make them evident that they're fake. I can only assume these are again phony ads to try to either boost "member" counts, are bait to get lonely men to spend money to reply to these non-existent people or it's a person or persons working the ads in an attempt to shill out personal information from a would-be responder turned victim. Match is one thing, but don't get me started on eHarmony and Mr. Meal Ticket Moron ... oops, Neal Clark Warren. There's an example of another huckster out for a buck by taking a shell of a Christian dating service and making it available to the masses ... but only if you're "good enough" to be on there. There were reports of people being rejected from the service - I wonder if their credit cards were charged? I know he won't ever see another dime out of me. I don't think the world will miss any of the less than honest online sites.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

discouraged but not giving up yet... Posted: 6/22/2009 4:30:15 AM
OP: You have to take things for what they are worth. Singles sites are just one venue where you can meet people. Meeting people in the "virtual world" just shouldn't be taken too seriously until you meet somebody face to face. Just look at it as a form of entertainment and if you meet someone, so much the better. Taking a step back will allow you to have some fun.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 112 (view)

Nice guys finish last is a sad truth... Posted: 5/9/2009 1:59:01 PM
I believe "nice guys" is woman-speak meaning "not / no longer interested" Perhaps my views show I'm perhaps a bit to guarded, but many women in my state seem to have the attitude of using the "nice guy" as an exiting strategy. I've recently met two women from out of state which had renewed my outlook that "nice girls / women" still exist, just not in my home state. OP: Roll with it and chalk it up to part of the learning experience. There are many different types of women out there and you just need to find the ones with the personality that matches with yours. Just be yourself, but step back a little and look at her looking at you. Reading the signs may be the key.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

My x killed himself lm haveing problems dealing with it Posted: 5/9/2009 1:30:58 PM
OP: It's pretty obvious you have a pretty level head on your shoulders and have your wits about you. While it wasn't a great situation it was something that was out of your control. When a person gets pushed into a corner the natural "fight or flight" senses kick in. Sadly, your ex saw no other way to deal with his situation and decided on his own demise. At that point there was nothing more that you could do. While somewhat similar I know I have deal with a similar loss as in something that was completely out of my own control. I was in my late teens and was dating my high school sweetheart when she was killed in an automobile accident. This had such an affect on my that I didn't date for more than a decade. I had no closure, no last words, nothing. After a few months I couldn't even bring myself to call the family to say hello anymore. It took quite awhile before I would let a woman get that close to me again. While I know full well there was nothing I could do it still affected me just the same. You will eventually heal from this ordeal. The journey may be long and hard but you will eventually be able to move on. You'll have to let go and just recognize there was nothing you could do. Look for guidance or counseling if you feel you need assistance in getting over this. In any case I wish you the best.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 83 (view)

CT girls Posted: 5/7/2009 6:00:45 AM
The last month have been a learning experience for me (perhaps more of a reinforcement than actual learning). Thanks to a couple of these online sites I met two women. They were both very attractive, one was my age and one about 11 years my junior. I met each of these two women for a first date and noticed something quite interesting. They were both really personable, polite and genuinely interesting in wanting to find out more about me. The more I found out about them I have to say I found myself equally attracted to them as well (and it didn't hurt that both these women were gorgeous. It wasn't just about the physical attraction, but both women had an underlying element that was perhaps even more attractive than their physical appearance. They both have personality and don't seem to have the unattractive attitudes that the women I usually run across in Connecticut have. Now, for the unfortunate news. One lives in New Jersey and the other lives in New Hampshire. Does locale make that much of a difference in women's attitudes these days? If it wasn't for the distance involved to meet up with either of these ladies I would consider myself fortunate to have a relationship with either one of these two women. Hell, I would consider myself lucky if I could find a woman in the state with a fraction of the personality and looks of either of these two, but I think I have a better chance of getting struck by lightning and winning the lottery on the same day!

VinylMusicJockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

How should I proceed? Posted: 3/2/2009 8:00:58 AM
Everybody has their own view on this one so I'll gladly put in my two cents: It sounds like from what you described you had a good date and she was both honest with you and attracted to you in some capacity. Unless you saw some signals that suggested she wasn't being totally honest with you it sounds like there's something you should pursue. The very fact that she told you where she stands and reinforced the fact you had her number and asked you to call can't be clearer. Over on my side of the globe it's pretty common for women to say almost anything to limp through a date. Several gents I know, myself included, have had first hand experience with women who couldn't have been less truthful or phony but would outwardly project some of the signals you mentioned in your original post. One friend of mine even got the "standard fake" number ploy, similar to Elaine on Seinfeld. That says quite a bit about a woman's character ... or lack thereof. I'm assuming you met her online, so if you have corresponded for awhile and things got this far it sounds like you should just get off the computer and call her. Besides, a great relationship can't be hurt by having a good friendship as the foundation.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

How did you know you were OVER your ex? Posted: 2/13/2009 10:54:12 AM
When you were thanking the guy who she got engaged to. I knew then I wouldn't be subjected to the never ending without warning pop-ins when she needed someone to listen to about her crisis of the moment. Don't get me wrong, I was still friendly with my ex in spite of the break up, but I had gotten on with my life and it appeared she was having problems doing likewise. Not only was I relieved, but I was honestly happy she found someone.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 81 (view)

CT girls Posted: 2/1/2009 6:30:40 PM
It's surprising that many of the "younger generation", the very people who grew up with computers, have yet to get acquainted with the spell check feature. Maybe it's due to the "shorthand" they use with telephone texting. Then again, it may just be a simple lack of caring. I dare say this happens regardless of age. I've seem women who boast about their years of education post a profile riddled with spelling errors. I would think that someone who wishes to put a personal online would have some sense of self pride and take the time to at least minimize the amount of spelling mistakes in their ad. Of course, this may secretly give the reader some insight about the person. If the woman you wrote to didn't find your email to her liking all she had to do was delete it. Cougar, don't be surprised if you happen across another Connecticut women with an attitude. I've seen the change in women since the eighties and it's not for the better. I know there are some nice women out there but they seem to be few and far between.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 78 (view)

CT girls Posted: 1/12/2009 8:52:01 PM
me_sweetpea said: Yes, on the surface, the southerners do seem to be friendlier. But it is so fake! They are not any friendlier in reality. At least here in Ct you know where you stand. I would rather be here, where people are frank, honest and don't pull punches with you. We, Ct women, are not going to smile in your face and act all "cutsy" just to get a man. I've met quite a few women not native to Connecticut - some being from the south and from elsewhere. With those I've had extended interaction with (more than just one evening's worth of conversation) I was able to discern quite a bit of difference between attitude between these people and native Connecticut women. Those women who weren't Connecticut natives were certainly more genuine and not full of themselves - not fake, not pulling some "cutesy" act. It was certainly very refreshing considering what men have to pick from here in Fairfield County. I have a friend who married a woman from Sweden and she is probably one of the nicest people I have ever met - a genuine nice person. Too bad there aren't more women like her locally. me_sweetpea said: We want respect. Don't we all? This is something that isn't related to one's gender. Many Connecticut women are going to have difficulty receiving respect with their "my spit don't stink" attitude they tend to have these days. While I've seen many stunning women who sport this attitude it's even funnier to see women who aren't exactly swimsuit beauties have the same attitude ... or worse! This appears much more prevalent in Fairfield County. and increasingly so as one gets closer to the New York border. me_sweetpea said: For you men who complain about paying for the first, or any date.....Ever hear the word GENTLEMAN! Look at yourselves and think about what that mindset is telling us ladies about you then you'll know why we turn away from you. We for the most part are Ladies and are looking for Gentlemen. Keep in mind these comments can go both ways! There have been times where I have held a door open for a woman and they didn't even have the common courtesy of saying thank you. Sadly, this is slowing becoming the norm instead of the exception. The fact is women are at least partially responsible for the way men look at them. I think many men are becoming more guarded when it comes to dating, thanks to those who they've met in their travels. It doesn't matter how attractive the exterior may be if the inside is of low integrity. me_sweetpea said: Another thing to consider: You want to know why we don't smile back? Pay attention to all the rude and crude comments most of us have heard from men, the looks and yes a lot of you don't know how to hold eye contact. Look us in the eye not the breast. While I won't dispute that some men have yet to mature and stop objectifying women (i.e., staring at their breasts) you don't think men haven't heard unpleasantries from women? I had a friend who seemed to have the worst luck when it came to dating and I just happen to hear what one woman had to say about him as she was conversing with the woman I was dating at the time. It wasn't just rude; it was downright distasteful to hear that sort of language come from a woman's mouth. This was a lady? I don't think so! me_sweetpea said: Try being, not acting, being a true gentleman. I do not mean a wimp. We don't want wimps. We want a True Northern Gentleman. For all of you who already are true gentleman I apologize for the hard words. This is directed to those that are not. And what do you think men want? Men who are looking for something serious and long term are looking for a woman who is truly a woman of character. I suppose those men who have more blood in places other than their brains may be looking for somebody more fun but those of us looking for something more substantial are looking for quality. I just felt compelled to play Devil's Advocate on this one as I've met women from both sides of the fence. Unfortunately it seems all of the women who have it together are already claimed by some very lucky gentlemen.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 77 (view)

Ever been asked,Why aren't you married? Posted: 1/10/2009 8:20:26 AM
OP: I think everybody has their own reasons, ranging from personal choice to personal circumstance. I had come real close while in my teens but a dreadful chain of events ended up taking the love of my life away from me (and off this earth). In my case I then buried myself into my work and discovered a second career which had become in essence the love of my life. I had dated on and off from my late 20's on and had just failed to find "the one" which is why I happen to still be single. I have friends who are still unmarried for other reasons, between the fact they are enjoying their life the way it is or know people who aren't exactly poster children for happy marriages or maybe have personal and family circumstances which had otherwise prevented or distracted them from venturing into a committed relationship of marriage. A dear family friend hounds me about once a month and asks how come I'm still single. I tend to belive she thinks I will never be married and she wants me to experience the joy she has with her hubby, but I think she has finally grown to understands the trails of relationships in the 21st century.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

When should I tell her the truth? Posted: 1/10/2009 7:58:53 AM
While I would see the catch 22 in this one, I would personally opt to tell her the truth. She may find it endearing to learn that you thought so much of her that you couldn't bring yourself to show your feelings for her except through your alternate persona. I don't think you have much to lose, and you have an opportunity to take a friendship to another level. If she's a woman of integrity I think she'll see it this way. Best of luck to you, mate.

vinylmusicjockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 75 (view)

CT girls Posted: 1/7/2009 4:54:19 PM
I agree with most of the posts, that include living somewhere else and then living here. People here are angry, mean and to an incredible level, not that smart. When you smile at someone, a woman thinks that you are "undressing her" or if you want to dance, you are laying claim to them. I just want to dance, period. If I have a first date from with someone from CT/MA/RI, it is expected that I pay. Why is that? If I meet someone from a different place, the first meeting is "pay your own", here it is expected, and the return for that is not gratitude, it like welfare, never enough. It's seems to many women a first date is nothing more than free meal and a "see ya" in today's society. I've heard the story from many of my peers (not to mention having been on the receiving end a couple of times). It has pretty much put me off to meeting somebody over lunch or dinner. I like the coffee get-together since it can go as long or as short as one is comfortable with a person and it's basically a no pressure meeting. If things progress with a connection, that's fine, if not it's not much more than a little diversion with a good cup of coffee. As member hmmself stated, it seems today that some women expect a free meal as part of a first date. By the way, hmmself, good to see someone else who believes in being there for their family. I also had a similar situation and I actually had the person I was dating tell me that she resented the fact that I was caring for my ailing family member. Needless to say, that girl was history pretty fast!

VinylMusicJockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Identifying those subtle hints girls give Posted: 11/25/2008 6:37:03 PM
Good post and some real notable points. My only question would be which traits would be more more apparent on a first date? Sometimes I've found it difficult to observe "genuine" reactions verses "polite" responses as I have seen some be polite and laugh at something I may very well deem as funny. I know I had one time actually missed the mark as I thought one woman was just being polite and never realized she was into me - I found this out months later from a mutual friend.

VinylMusicJockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 73 (view)

CT girls Posted: 11/25/2008 6:26:33 PM
It's certainly possible it's a byproduct of money. Friends of mine from California have told me on more than one occasion that trying to date in Connecticut is just about as difficult as it was when they were in California. As previously mentioned, it's much more apparent in lower Fairfield County and more so closer to New York. In contrast, I met a woman from the eastern of of the state and she was nothing like the women I'm all too accustomed to meeting in Fairfield County. It would have been nice if I could have met someone of her caliber closer to home. When you refer to "residual damages" what do you mean?

VinylMusicJockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 146 (view)

short women/tall men Posted: 11/23/2008 3:17:13 PM
Sounds very similar to the program I saw on Discovery some months back. While they never came out and said "cheat" they did elude to the tall males "spreading their seed" with more female participants.

VinylMusicJockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 144 (view)

short women/tall men Posted: 11/23/2008 10:04:57 AM
Agreed. In fact, I think most men only have issues with height insofar as they've had to be limited by them. In this day and age, however, it tends to be women who set those limits. I've had my self-confidence tested by this several times, in some cases by women shorter than me. But, I'm not bitter. javascript:smilie('') I have to agree 100% Dating women taller or shorter than myself has never been a problem for me. I've dated a woman ranging from 4'8 to 5'11" and I enjoyed the woman's company equally. The two women on the extreme edge of the range (4'8" and 5'11") never had any problem for the years we were involved either. I've also dated women 15+ years younger as well as 10 years older and age doesn't make a difference to me either. Today, it certainly seems that it's women who are overly focused on such things as height. I would rather find this out before I ever meet someone as if a woman can't see her way past my height (or lack of it) they're the one who is going to be missing out. A friend use to have a saying, "you're the same height in bed." Gee, am I a bit jaded when it comes to dating or what! javascript:smilie('')

VinylMusicJockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

When you want to meet, they stop communicating. Posted: 11/22/2008 9:53:13 AM
Jazpur, I've seen this happen on occasion and I've learned a few things myself. While it may be difficult through email, communicating on the phone can be quite revealing. You can very often sense whether or not there's a "comfort factor" on her part. If after a time talking to her you can sense whether or not she is comfortable with you. If you sense something positive you should ask to meet for coffee or whatever. The art of listening is VERY important. If not, you can politely terminate the call and move on to greener pastures. Of course a factor is weeding out things in her profile during a phone conversation may potentially make a meet never materialize. As others have mentioned in this thread, she may have a hidden agenda such as her profile isn't a true representation of her looks, body type, etc or she has something else going on behind the scenes such as children, another SO on the hook, not truly being single, etc. Sort of like the name of this site, there are plenty of fish out there so while it may be frustrating to waste some time on somebody who isn't as serious on meeting just move on. There are people who looking for something out there and all you need to do is find them. That next email may be from the person you've been looking for.

VinylMusicJockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 132 (view)

short women/tall men Posted: 11/21/2008 2:40:04 PM
Many men will not date a woman who is large, but the men will gripe cause many women will only date tall men. Seems to be "the pot calling the kettle black" to me. I've dated my share of overweight women in my years as I've been much more open-minded than many of my peers. I think there are more men who would date a large woman verses women who would date a shorter than average man. Of course the whole "the pot calling the kettle black" thing could start with women who don't know the difference between "average", "a few extra pounds" and "bbw" but that's another thread. One's weight CAN be changed, it's impossible for one to change their height.

VinylMusicJockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 126 (view)

short women/tall men Posted: 11/20/2008 6:28:25 PM
The Steve Penner article seems to ring true about the harsh realities of today's society but I can recall when these rules didn't seem to apply: When I was in my early twenties, I dated a many women whose height ranged from 4' 11" all the way up to 6'1". Being only 5'6" myself I was quite surprised when I was able to date and even have a long term relationship with a woman significantly taller than me. Height never seemed to bother either one of us and we both enjoyed each other's company. I dropped off the dating scene to concentrate on work and family matters and eventually found this shift is values when I decided to rejoin the world of dating in my thirties. Today it's society that seems to have convinced women that only tall men are worthy of consideration. Yes, I have seen some of the specials on Discovery that say that this "condition" existed long before any of us walked the planet and I will be the first one to say it may be true, but I also know what I saw back in the 70's and 80's. I think the viewpoint women had back then was quite a bit different than today. I'm very good friends with one woman who not only feels she must date a tall male, but he must absolutely be of the "pretty boy" look (to quote her exact words). At least here in my corner of the Northeast many of the women I have chatted with are quite adamant on only dating tall men. Close minded or misled by today's social values? To me, a woman's height isn't that important. I can only wonder if these very same women reflect on what could have been with that shorter than average male they blew off when they're in the lawyer's office filing their divorce decree to their former tall "McDreamy".

VinylMusicJockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 40 (view)

My boyfriend broke up with me by email Posted: 11/11/2008 1:41:27 PM
Breaking up via email is just so low class. That's probably as bad or worse that a breakup with a message on somebody's answering machine or cell phone voice mail. I dated this woman and things started to deteriorate as the relationship wore on. I had the common courtesy to sit down with her and explain the reasons for the break up face to face. Sure, it wasn't a pretty site but I wanted to be honest with her about what I was feeling since I had been on the less than amicable side of a couple of break-ups with women who lacked the class or consideration to be truthful and honest. It's never easy but I think everybody deserves to be treated as a person with feeling instead of just another notch in somebody's dating count.

VinylMusicJockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

Question for the women. Posted: 11/11/2008 1:29:14 PM
I really thought this was only a line used on George Costanza on Seinfeld. The two times I heard that line in my life I pressed the woman for something more concrete and specific. Sometimes it's possible that a woman just can't articulate her reason for a breakup, but it could very well range from she thinks she can do better, she found someone else or she is going through some sort of personal crisis (which was the last time I heard it and only found out the true story from the mutual friend that had fixed us up). If she has that much difficulty in verbalizing her thoughts you're probably better without her. Got forbid she gets upset with you later in a relationship and can't communicate her feelings.

VinylMusicJockey

Joined: 5/23/2008

Msg: 105 (view)

why to date a geek? Posted: 11/11/2008 1:19:04 PM
I really enjoyed reading this thread and had to thank both the original poster for their article as well as Soldats for including the great article regarding nerds/geeds and dorks. I'm also thanking God I'm not a dork! Someone who I always found attractive and thought looked more like a "nerdette" than a geekette as the Jan Smithers in her role as Bailey Quarters on the sitcom WKRP in Cincinnati. I always want to date a brainy girl who looked like her but usually got either one or the other. So that brings me to my question: what to call a female geek - a geekette? So, would that make a female nerd a nerdette? Also, which one would be more desirable to date (unless the previous post isn't gender-biased).

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