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Justmary65

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 117 (view)

She is NOT interested and on POF Posted: 5/4/2013 6:48:53 AM
OP- If I said that it would be because there is something about the profile or picture that just didn't make me want to take things any further than a casual hello. I find a great conversation will pique my interest far more than email banter....the typical 'hi, how are you?' 'what are looking for?' etc. I suspect that some women, not all, have been hounded by some of the more aggressive types wanting to know if, how, when, where they would like to engage in sex and often ignore just about all men on POF and just like to hang out in the forums. Some women are fickle about who they desire to get to know---sorry if it upsets you but it's a harsh reality of online dating. I'd be more 'interested' in someone whose truly 'interested' in me and focus on that versus those who show no interest at all. Best Wishes...JM

JustMary65

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Lack of communication Posted: 12/2/2012 5:10:26 AM
OP- Based on math you say you've been dating this man for two months...yet you created an account on here just over a month ago and state you are 'single'---which, I suppose you are if you are only dating this man you seem so intense about. If the man had a fight and had to move out of a place he was in to move back to his parents and has a 2 yr old child; I'd say his plate is quite full and you are merely a distraction for him. Being too pushy and nosy is about as bad as acting like you don't care. You need to give him some time to deal with his personal junk and if and when he's ready, let him contact you. After all, you are a single woman and can certainly keep fishing in the POF pond. Either way---just because you have certain expectations of what you feel he should be doing doesn't mean he thinks or feels the same way. If you care about him give him a little breathing room and if he cares about you as much as you say he does, then he'll reach out to you, if not, he didn't really care about you mind, body and soul.

JustMary65

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Returning the “Stuff” Posted: 11/17/2012 12:46:49 PM
OP- When I stated I wanted to return things that the current EX gave me...he protested and his response was ' I bought them for you and if you no longer want them toss them in the trash'. I never left anything personal at his place nor did he leave anything personal at mine. I think it made the break up easier----but my guess is that the fact your EX hasn't returned your items he may be thinking you'd contact him to ask for them back. Course, maybe he's busy and just hasn't gotten around to it. One EX left a snare drum and a few things but he didn't want them back---in fact he said let them be a reminder of what was??? I had to chuckle at that. My most painful, yet memorable EX I lived with left behind so much crap it broke my heart every time I looked at his stuff. He wanted his stuff back eventually and asked if I could mail it to him----to ship his sh*t was more expensive than I had imagined. He wound up coming back to my home ( he lived then out of state) and collected all of his stuff. We had long since forgiven each other and had moved on with our lives, and it was a nice way to get closure. He gave me a couple of things I still have today. That was one whirlwind romance that I shall never forget. There could be a plethora of reasons WHY he hasn't returned your things but the only way you will truly find out is if you ask him. If the items can be replaced and you have moved on just let it go and enjoy life. I'm sure given it's only been a month your mind may be reeling----if you really need to know---ask. Sometimes, as I have learned, it's best to just let it go. Good Luck either way.

JustMary65

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 85 (view)

Can you BE thankful for who/what you've got? 10days to Tday, 40 to Xmas.. Posted: 11/14/2012 6:29:02 PM
OP- I do love Thanksgiving, more so than any other holiday. I am truly thankful for my children, my family and my friends. Presently single, my life is so full I don't need to deal with 'coping' for any reason because trying to do the every day things -work, juggling kids needs, being a cab to the kids and planning functions with my family has me very busy. The only thing I might have to cope with is lack of sleep. I don't 'need' someone this holiday or next----if I do find someone to spend time with it shouldn't matter what time of the year it is but rather how well we each fit into the others life. I am blessed in many ways. I think having a SO often times adds to my holiday stress---figuring out how to split my time between my kids, family and friends---toss in a boyfriend, it's just another stressor I can do with out currently. I like to spend time with my family and enjoy the holidays while trying to limit the harried holiday hustle and bustle that can overshadow the spirit of the season. Being with that special someone under the mistletoe was something I use to fixate on, mostly because the majority of my friends were in relationships or married. Maybe it's my mindset or age---maybe I just don't care, but I think this holiday is going to be exceptional because the only person I will be answering to is myself :)

JustMary65

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

He's pushed me away..... Posted: 10/21/2012 3:40:19 PM
OP Some people will push others away for a variety of reasons. My guess, may be, he is feeling overwhelmed or possibly he's really as sick as he says and doesn't want to burden you with his troubles. Given I've dealt with someone (he was diagnosed with cancer) who sounds exactly like your fellah, I'd just send him a text that you are thinking about him and if he needs to talk you are willing to listen. Men handle illness quite differently then women. Not all men behave this way, but some push away their mates or partners away when they are dealing with life threatening illness. Most women are able to express their emotions, whereas some men just don't have that kind of comfort level. They don't want to be seen by the woman they care about as weak and vulnerable when they are suppose to be strong and healthy. Leave well enough alone. Life is meant to be enjoyed. If you are destined to be together this will just be a bump in the road. If you aren't meant to be together then the road has divided and just keep on moving along with the business of living. I am sure you are heart broken and confused. I was too...but I realized it was not something I could control or fix. Best of luck to you.

JustMary65

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Why do women act different after sex? Posted: 10/17/2012 2:37:12 PM
OP- Once I have the big one...lol....I just wanna roll over, fart and go to sleep....and not necessarily in that order. Honestly, I actually can't wait until he leaves....no point in pillow talk...get out and let me SLEEP. LOL. I think because I've been on my own for over 8 yrs and have slept alone far longer the idea of 'sleeping' with someone doesn't work with me. Yes, we can use the bed to have intercourse, but after that don't touch me, I don't wanna spoon, just put on yer pants and skedaddle!! I never sleep well if someone else is in my bed, and even when I was with my boyfriend he would drift off rather quickly after sex and I would be wide awake staring at the ceiling. I think some guys would find my behavior odd, rude or mean. Funny thing is...some men act the same way and think absolutely nothing about it.

JustMary65

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Why would a man, knowing how I feel about him, ask me advice about other woman? Posted: 10/17/2012 4:06:24 AM
OP- Did you ever tell HIM how you REALLY feel? I'm guessing he just has you in the friend zone and is clueless you have it bad for him; hence why he's seeking advice about another woman from his friend YOU. It's not rocket science....you and he are just friends. Sucks...hurts...and I'm sure you are still upset, but facts are facts. P.S. Don't assume he knows....tell him.

JustMary65

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 24 (view)

Can a relationship work if both people come from totally different backgrounds? Posted: 10/15/2012 7:10:32 PM
Crash, I spent the better part of 8 yrs with a man who has a very different background and upbringing then myself. Regardless, I think it's our unique differences that made each of us appealing to the other, however those same differences presented issues in our ongoing relationship. I didn't change who I was to be around him....but I tried to be respectful of his cultural beliefs...which often times clashed with my own. We aren't dating anymore...and to be frank...I miss him. He was/is a great guy in many ways, but unfortunately sometimes being too different can end an otherwise good relationship. Best of luck to you.

JustMary65

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 39 (view)

How do ya keep from getting jaded Posted: 10/14/2012 3:56:03 PM
OP- It's hard not to get a bit disgusted with online dating etc, but when you do find that one diamond in the rough, it's all worth it whether you're taking chances online or off. I met someone I fell head over heels for in an AOL chatroom. We dated off and on for eight yrs. You just never know whose 'REAL' or those who might need a 'REALITY' check. It should make you feel a bit better knowing most of us, regardless of gender, have run across a few folks ( okay, maybe more than a few) who leave ya on empty or shaking your head at the asinine stories and bs you unfortunately have to deal with. I guess some people have this belief because they are 'anonymous' online that they can say or do whatever they want and there is no recourse for such action. The bad part is that some folks really get hurt by these unsavory sorts---and it's not a man thing...women are just as capable of blowing smoke up a guy's a$$ and try to convince them it's a wind storm. NOT!! What I tend to do is laugh it off. Some of the stories I share make for some entertaining conversations others aren't worth the effort to repeat. Hang in there OP, you are not alone.

JustMary65

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

Am I being unreasonable ? Posted: 10/14/2012 2:41:33 PM
Men like women learn things by how people behave. Often first impressions are quite lasting. That said, if you told her you'd cover the tab on date one, it's quite possible your new lady friend feels she might be rude if she asks to pay again, to spare your ego. This really goes TWO ways. I wasn't there to hear the conversation, but sometimes it's not the things we say but how we say it that leaves a lasting impression. If you want to go dutch treat, you could have said ' The first date is on me, but if you want to split on the second one would be fine with me.' Course, with some people you just don't win no matter what you say or do. I certainly do not expect a man to pay for every date, but often times when I've offered to pay I got a lot of guff and the faces were priceless. What I do find questionable is the lack of manners to say 'Thank You'. Did she at least say she had fun???

JustMary65

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Should I go with my gut? Posted: 10/8/2012 12:35:19 PM
OP- He is a box of drama squared....listen to your head ...not your heart. I understand having feelings for someone, but clearly he's got a lot on his plate and is simply turning to you because the woman he 'cares' about is not available --and by the way, she sounds like a hot mess. You don't need that kind of drama in your life. Stop and ask yourself a few questions should the urge to visit him again pop into your mind---you had to move out of the home you shared with him, but he let a convict move in with a teenager who was left behind because she is in jail? He also, by what you stated, has his sons and company also living there??!! Why are they all welcome there? Why does a convict hold more interest?? What is she holding over his head that he's willing to take care of a 15 yr old wise a$$? You seem like a smart lady----find someone who has time for you and makes you a priority not an option. By you going to bed with him you are showing him that you don't mind being his piece of a$$ while the woman he appears to want is on ice. You've in essence, become his FWB---and I'm sure he will want more if you allow it. I walked away from an 8 yr disaster--I'm 50 % responsible for because I didn't use my head...my actions were motivated by my heart, which is now broken. The worst thing I did was go back to him when we first broke up---I wanted his heart...all he wanted was the space between my legs. Seems to me that is all your ex really wants. Go with ya gut-----you deserve a quality guy who wants to be with you no matter what---not just when it's convenient.

JustMary65

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Trying to play it cool.....but I suck at dating Posted: 10/8/2012 12:21:55 PM
Best advice I can think of is just go on the date and enjoy her company---don't play anything out in your head---just go and have fun. When you over engineer anything it becomes a problem---just savor the moment until the next date and so on. Take this time to get to know her and let her know you. It's not a race to the finish line----take a deep breath, smile and enjoy.

JustMary65

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Fake it or Make it? Posted: 10/7/2012 6:18:09 PM
It is believed that most women fake an orgasm for the sake of the relationship whereas most men fake the relationship for the sake of an orgasm. What do you think? Do more women fake an orgasm for the sake of their lovers? Do men 'fake' relationships just to get one? Do/can a man fake an orgasm to please his lover? Do women 'fake' relationships just to get sex? So, forum friends....let's talk about sex.....fake it or make it?

JustMary65

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Insight Posted: 10/7/2012 3:38:56 PM
Well..... Being fired sucks a$$--maybe you can collect until you find another---or sue your employer for wrongful termination ( I do try to see the upside of any downside) I'm sorry your brother died...you didn't pick him your mother birthed him...may he rest in peace. I'm sorry your guy moved back home.....he must have had $$$ to afford two places.....And he retired without telling you...apparently he's not such a great communicator. Just think you can now get a new room mate, eh? I guess your picker is broken...thankfully you can either fine tune it or stop picking. Choice is yours...that is my insight and I'm sticking to it.

magicalmary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

am i being mislead? Posted: 10/6/2012 9:24:34 AM
OP- If you feel the need to make another account to 'check up' on the person you are dating screams to me 'I like em but I don't trust him'. If you are feeling insecure then tell him. Either he's going to ease your worries or tell you how it really is. I don't much care what profiles say about anyone because a profile doesn't define a person, but our individual actions do. No one really is misled....if you communicate. Course, even when there is communication do we really listen to what is being said? Just talk to the fellah you're seeing but realize what he may have to share isn't necessarily what you want to hear.

magicalmary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

Friends with Benefits Posted: 10/6/2012 5:53:24 AM
OP- If a person isn't meeting your emotional needs---walk away. I foolishly dated a man....we split...then I went back to him thinking he wanted to be with me romantically ( it's amazing what your mind will fool you into really believing). Needless to say, he and I did this 'FWB' thing for close to 8 yrs. I stayed because I loved him...he stayed because of sexual chemistry. I wish that when we split the first time I never went back. Yes, we did a lot of things that typical couples do, but the emotional toll it took on me was too much. When we were together he was charming, romantic and extremely loving. When we were apart he was like a different man. I could see myself in your original statement----it's only advice, but walk away and don't look back. You need to find someone who can commit to you emotionally first then let the rest fall into place. There are no guarantees in any relationship--even a friendship, but I can say for certain none of my true friends have ever hurt or disappointed me as much as my ex lover. In the end that is all he was....my lover. If he was truly my friend and I his....we wouldn't have done what we did to each other. We might not have started off as 'FWB' but that is where it ended. I still love him, but I'm much happier without him entangled in my life. I allowed this toxic relationship to linger that was a mistake I hope to never find myself subjected to again. Trouble is most women are driven by emotion---it's hard to shake that feeling when you have been intimate with a man you love. The more I've seen as I've gotten older is some women trying to behave like men only to find themselves left feeling bitter and scorned for trying to keep up with their male counterparts. Not all men want casual relationships, so be choosey in who you give your heart to, but more importantly your body. Best of luck to you. MM

magicalmary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 29 (view)

trying to erase her mind of my height issue Posted: 10/5/2012 8:35:18 PM
OP- Just a suggestion from a wise ol lady whose learned from her own mistakes...unless you heard the comment from her mouth to your ears....do not buy into the things other people say. If you have had some great dates....focus on that...if she doesn't want to see you again, which would be an entirely different story, you could broach the subject then. Has she declined offers to spend time with you since your last date? The reason why I say this is that some people are sht stirrers. They are not content in their own lives so they stir up trouble in the lives of people who might actually be happy---you sounded very happy in your initial comments until 'a friend' made a point to tell you that you are a 'nice guy' but she has a height issue with you. A real friend should keep their lips shut....karma baby. Enjoy her company until either you or she decide otherwise. We all have moments of feeling insecure...and there are people who purposely cck block /try to commit a robbery under your nose just because they can. If they find your Achilles heel they use it against you. I've learned that time is precious and to make the best of the time you share with people you care about. Best of luck. MM

MagicalMary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Rude Girlfriend. What gives? Posted: 10/3/2012 6:02:18 PM
OP- If you allow her to treat you in that manner than she'll keep doing it unless you let her know it is hurting you. Don't be macho...open up your mouth and tell her she's acting like an a$$hat. Good luck :) P.S. You may find her behavior rude...she may not agree...I dated a man just like her.

magicalmary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

ON AND OFF RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN Posted: 10/3/2012 5:03:35 PM
OP- I just ended an 8 yr on again off again relationship. I have a lot of good memories and just as many unpleasant ones. I nicknamed him Meat Head.....it suited him. I can't blame him exclusively for the demise of the relationship, because I allowed his behavior to continue and he kept up his 'I can't see you because I'm busy' on the weekends through out our 8 yr relationship. He was a control freak and always will be.....that is a total drag....I was a decent girlfriend....he did buy me trinkets and bobbles....but he never loved me the way I needed.....he was all about HIM most of the time, unless he had a sexual itch that needed scratching. I just wish when we first broke up and he came back someone hit me over the head and said 'run stupid....he doesn't care about you'----but my stupid feelings got in the way. All set with the BS.....focusing on me. Life is too short to be with someone who sucks the happiness out of you...for any reason.

magicalmary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 36 (view)

Should I confess to cheating in the first 2 weeks of relationship? Posted: 10/3/2012 3:32:21 AM
Wow----some of these comments make me shake my head. Like any of you have NEVER made a mistake or had a regret for doing something wrong.....and I'm not saying every man and woman cheat.....but I know a lot that do. OP- Your mistake was agreeing to be exclusive with someone who you clearly did not have an emotional connection to. Jumping fresh into the dating pool out of a long term relationship isn't a great idea either. You haven't given yourself time to heal and work on YOU. Needless to say--tell him. He's either going to forgive you or not. Honestly, even if he forgives you it's unlikely he will ever forget....and GOD forbid your roommate shares that tidbit before you do. I've been cheated on and I've cheated on someone....am I proud of that fact, certainly not....but believe you and me...Karma bit me so hard in the a$$ I paid a dear price for my indiscretions. Right the wrong by coming clean. Deal with the fall out and just dust off your girlie britches and move on. You have a lot to sort out personally before you drag someone into it. I learned the hard way....but the lesson was learned. Good luck to you.

MagicalMary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 35 (view)

Too Busy? Posted: 10/3/2012 3:15:09 AM
Op- Not for nothing, but if you are with someone, even at the beginning, if there is mutual like and attraction they will make time to see you....I do not care how BUSY they say they are. That being said, some people's idea of busy and yours could be very different. I'm guessing that she's just not that into you and instead of simply saying she's not, she's saying she's 'busy' in the hopes you'd take the hint. I gather from your most recent post you've 'placed the ball in her court'----I don't see this particular gal tossing it back to you.

MagicalMary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 41 (view)

Ex wants fwb Posted: 10/2/2012 3:57:44 AM
OP- Be thankful she's being honest with what she wants....try going back to an ex only to find out many years later that all he ever wanted was just a FWB relationship on his terms. I would communicate my wants etc, but they were almost never in line with his. Walk away if this is not what you WANT.....because there are plenty of people who want more and deserve better. I'm guessing, much like my ex, that he came back to me knowing my feelings were raw and I was vulnerable. I took him back because I thought he wanted more----I was wrong. As I previously stated---at least your ex is being up front, now it's up to decide if you want just part of her or to walk away. I am with most of the posters here---don't walk away...RUN!

magicalmary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 38 (view)

Have you ever felt really indecisive about relationships? Posted: 9/25/2012 4:34:17 PM
At the end of the day, I think some of us are so worried about jumping into a relationship we really don't take the time to get to know someone. Then after you bump uglies the questions come..especially when either party beats feet or acts differently. Just read a few of the forums....the horror stories are endless. If the person I spend time with feelings change it would be HIS responsibility to speak up----the same would be true if that were the case with me. The best part of all of this is that I'm not dating anyone....I'm not 'hanging out' either and the only men on this site who have approached me were simply looking for sex....and believe me if I wanted sex I'm not sure this would be the place I'd go looking for it. I'm open to spending time with a man, but for now I spend most of my free time going out with my gal pals, my family and spending time with my kids. I was dating someone for 8 yrs and for the most part it worked, but recently he said some things that not only shocked me, it hurt me. I confronted him and my gift was silence. No explanation....no apology...nothing. In the past he'd pull this sh*t and I foolishly tolerated it because eventually he'd come around, say he was sorry and we'd make up. I finally reached my 'enough'---I told him honestly how I was feeling and expected he would have said something. Instead of being sad I discovered the hurt became anger which reinforced, for me at least, it was over. He never really wanted to do the things we did initially when we began dating, however I would try to engage in the things he liked. I might be a big woman, but I like to go out and do things....all he ever wanted to do towards the end was go out to dinner, watch a movie or sports, then go to bed. My mother, whose 73 and doesn't generally interfere in my love life, even called him an a$$hole and felt I was better off without him. I like going dancing, bowling, playing pool ( even if I'm not that great), going to the beach, hitting the casino....hell, I even like going for walks. Those are just some of the things I'd like to do with a person.....but if you list activity partner on here...or for that matter suggest it....most men automatically think SEX. Still...wanting companionship doesn't mean I want to have sex....I want someone whose company I enjoy. The beauty is, my honesty simply weeds out those men who want sex only as a way of sharing my company. I want to go out and enjoy life and I am. I do like the company of a man, but I'm doing okay on my own.

magicalmary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

Have you ever felt really indecisive about relationships? Posted: 9/24/2012 3:44:17 AM
Thanks everyone. Much of what I'm getting in feedback makes so much sense. I'm just coasting right now and focusing more on me and what will be will be. I know what I want...and I know, better now, what I do not want. I guess it boils down to establishing a friendship based on mutual likes or tastes in things we both like to do. I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring...but I'm going to enjoy today and all it has to offer. It's also realizing I'm not alone in some of my feelings.

MagicalMary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Girl disappears for two months then messages me Posted: 9/24/2012 3:37:57 AM
OP- You are now the back up plan. I'd air on the side of caution. If the ex is weird and it's only been a couple of months they might still be entangled. If you meet with the notion that it's just a 'date' with no more expectations than that I say go for it. I would be curious to see if she actually follows through. Good Luck.

MagicalMary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

When a girl flips the switch on you Posted: 9/22/2012 4:59:25 PM
OP- Perhaps the second date wasn't as great as you thought. People are blown off all the time...and it's not just women, it happens to men too---even body builders.

magicalmary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Have you ever felt really indecisive about relationships? Posted: 9/22/2012 11:51:14 AM
You sound like you are looking for someone to start off as a friend that has the potential for something more. Make up your mind. Are you looking for someone(s) to be just friends or are you looking for a relationship? Thus the title of my thread. I want to find someone whose available and interested in the same things I am...but I 'm not interested in starting off as anything more than as friends...I want to get to know the person....spend time with them and enjoy life. Dating doesn't mean it's necessarily bound to be romantic....why can't you spend time with a person because you enjoy their company. It's been my experience that if I say I want to start off as friends ( meaning no I'm not going to jump in the sack with you) some, not all men, get really pissed. What is wrong with taking the time to get to know someone and enjoy their company? I know there are some women who behave the same...they want to skip from dating to LTR. I am moving slow and steadily. In regard to the dancing....I dance with both men and women...but if I'm out dancing and would like to slow dance, it would be far more appealing to dance with a male companion whose company I enjoy that some random person at a club. I think you should communicate the indecisive feelings. Say your not ready to fully commit today for a full blown relationship but still want to date and see where things go. No one can determine your relationship but both people involved. That is exactly how I state it on my profile. I'm certainly not diving into anything without being upfront and honest with any interested person. But, as I stated, if you even mention you want to meet socially as friends that becomes a bone of contention for some men. I respect anyone's feelings as I'd hope they'd respect and understand mine on some level.

MagicalMary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

Have you ever felt really indecisive about relationships? Posted: 9/22/2012 6:44:47 AM
.Why does this person have to be a male? I have women who are good friends and I do spend time with them, but I also have a lot of great male friends---but most, like my female friends have spouses, boyfriends and or girlfriends. I love dancing and have gone out with my girlfriends but I tend to feel awkward slow dancing with them...a male dance partner helps in those instances. ( pardon my sarcasm) I want a man in my life. One poster made a solid point that just because a relationship ends...it doesn't necessarily mean it was a failure. Looking back, though my relationships ended I did have a lot of good memories with both men. I want a firm friendship established....then let the chips fail where they may. You need to talk to yourself again and ask yourself what it is you really want because I don't think you know what you reallywant. I too have been in bad relationship's, but I don't alway's blame myself. Thus why I am feeling so indecisive....I know I want in man in my life to do things with that is available and willing to start off as friends, shares my interests, and wants to spend time with me simply just to share time with someone whose company they enjoy. I too, am plodding along, trying to enjoy each day like everyone else.

MagicalMary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Have you ever felt really indecisive about relationships? Posted: 9/22/2012 5:52:48 AM
@Papabear-- Thank you. I certainly have had a pity party or two, but I did not necessarily mean to project a woe as me...I guess I'm just frustrated. I certainly want to spend time with someone I click with, but on more than a number of occasions when I even suggested just being 'friends' and let things develop naturally the replies I received don't even warrant writing down. I suspect there are some of us, regardless of gender, who are in the same turmoil. Believe me, I most definitely am trying to move forward and not get caught up in my own personal turmoil so I can be productive and enjoy life, but I guess after re-reading my original post and the great replies generated by everyone here has given me an opportunity to see things from an entirely different perspective. Looking back there was a lot of good in both relationships, but I guess some relationships unfortunately have an expiration date even when both parties try to make it work. Of course you want the whole package, and if that's what you want, have faith that your life isn't defined by past failed relationships. If it wasn't right, it wasn't, no matter how long they lasted...what you needed at the time from them has come and gone and you've grown from it. It seems you've made up your mind right now about one thing, and so go with it and don't be afraid to ask for it - even if it's ONLY amazing, mind-blowing, crazy friendship ;) ^^^ That is a good summation of where I believe I'm at emotionally---and I'm hopeful that one day I will find someone who understands, for me at least, friendship comes first...everything else is secondary. Thank you and to everyone for some sound advice...and an occasional written kick in the pants. It is appreciated.

magicalmary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Have you ever felt really indecisive about relationships? Posted: 9/21/2012 8:22:48 PM
I'm not sure if this will make sense, but I am finding myself at a crossroads in my life where I really want companionship, but I don't necessarily want 'a committed relationship'. It has caused me to ponder where do I see a man in my life and how do I make him fit when I really don't want to give up my heart, yet I want someone I connect with who shares my interests and wants to do things with me outside the bedroom. Have you ever asked yourself....'What do I really want? Do you even know what it is when it comes to interpersonal relationships with members of the opposite gender? Can companionship happen when sex is OFF the table? And even as I ponder this..somewhere deep inside I long for the whole package, but after two long term failed relationships I find myself thinking either I am the common denominator and shouldn't be with anyone, or I picked two wrong men for me. It frustrates me because I really enjoy the company of a man. I want a man in my life---just don't want the physical intimacy to mess it up. I can't even make up my mind sometimes if that is all I want or is it more? It has left me questioning so many things...I can do a relationship with just one person...but it seems I just can't make up my mind if being cautious is key or just taking a leap of faith, again, is the way to go?

magicalmary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Trying a 2nd or 3rd time again with an ex Posted: 9/19/2012 3:56:49 AM
OP- I have done it...and it lasted about 8 yrs but we had a lot of ups and downs. I have since parted ways and it's been hard but I realize it's what is best for me. I think I changed and that wasn't something he liked because he didn't change at all. If he came back ....not sure I'd want to dive into it with him again because I know now, that I was in it for the long haul and he never truly was. We all have to make choices...while most people I know wouldn't even consider going back to an ex depending on the reason....I can understand why some of us do....sexual chemistry was high on that list.

MagicalMary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

is it possib le Posted: 9/18/2012 4:17:16 PM
OP- It's easy to find another person's personality very appealing. I also understand developing 'romantic' feelings for someone over time....but the real test is when you meet in person. I think the sooner you do that the better so you can find out if he's as great in person as he is over the phone and via the internet. Best wishes, MM

magicalmary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 32 (view)

How far would you travel for sex? Posted: 9/17/2012 6:47:31 PM
Nope....I am lazy....and IF I was so inclined and he wanted it SO bad...he can come to me.

MagicalMary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

When you block someone do they stay blocked? Posted: 9/17/2012 3:52:07 AM
OP- You have a picture on your profile...if you sent her one I'm sure she recognized you. They only stay blocked under the name that you blocked them under. I don't even tell someone I'm going to block them...I just do. I've tried being nice and polite and all I got in return was rude child like behavior. The block feature is there to be used and I use it as often as it's needed. I would suggest, too, that you at the very least notify Marcus, the owner or a moderator, because if this person is doing this to you I'm sure she's done it to others.

magicalmary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

BDSM...Advice Please :( Posted: 9/16/2012 7:03:26 PM
OP- As with any kind of relationship...you need to ask your partner his or he likes or dislikes. Anyone can seek what they desire from another...even if you feel you are in a 'committed' relationship. From what I know smile it's about respect and trust. I'm not sure how long you have been 'dating' but practicing BDSM is far different than living the lifestyle. My sister pointed out...she's quite vanilla in how she sees relationships and I'm more like Ben and Jerry's 44 Flavors. I like aspects of BDSM but that doesn't mean I like to be tied up and spanked evil grin or would prefer to tie up and spank my lover. I would never let anyone restrain me unless I trusted them. You have to know your soft and hard limits, but more importantly, you need to have this discussion with him. Having chemistry is key to the development of any relationship...I have read smile that those who engage in BDSM know how to heighten arousal by various means...but ultimately....it's about sharing a mutually satisfying encounter with someone you care about.

MagicalMary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 107 (view)

The power of the vagina. Posted: 9/16/2012 8:34:23 AM
@ Just.....interesting and funny reading. It could be said there are some women that view men as a penis, with a pulse and a paycheck. They aren't generally on a quest to fill their vagina...most are seeking a potential lover/ATM. ( Let's face it men aren't the only ones who take things for a test ride. ) I would say the majority of women are looking at a man's physique, his career, and general good health in terms of a mate/lover/father. Yes, I'd concede that a good lover certainly makes that individuals penis quite powerful in it's own right, but how often do you see or hear women bragging about penis or ogling over a penis....lol. *** Ok, there is the need to Meat Gaze...as one of my friends pointed out lol* Still---for men it's that urge to be in a vagina....smell it's essence....feel the warmth and wetness....which drives them to seek it out. I get the toy thing....masturbation....and that a penis has it's positive attributes....but still I stand by my opinion that Vagina Power supersedes Penis Power .....lol. P.S. I rather be an honest sinner than a lying saint. People don't get used by players...they use them to fill a need...even if it's their vagina...unless you're completely unconscious...once you're naked and peeling off the wrapper of a condom you should know exactly what you're doing...or just go home. I know some women prefer toys (B.O.B.) because some men get more headaches than women....and if the vagina is hungry it will be fed.....lol.

magicalmary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 99 (view)

The power of the vagina. Posted: 9/15/2012 8:45:31 PM
some women will have sex with virtual strangers and from the net from what I hear. Alcohol is usually involved I would say. Men are less discriminating and most women can get sex when they want it as evidenced by the less than attractive and often obese single mothers around. While you are most certainly entitled to your opinion...it is kind of hard to read this without laughing when you use the term 'sexperienced men' on your profile. Seeing I know a few single mothers...I can assure you not all, but some of those 'single obese mothers' often were quite attractive, in a relationship with someone they loved, not at a bar tossing one back and ended up pregnant and the man who claimed to love them beat feet. Desiring sex doesn't discriminate based on looks, age, size, color, or gender. I think that many people would have agreed if I said only attractive fit women have vaginas with power. I hate to generalize. Perhaps reading my original post would be be helpful...as it seems some of these threads take on a life of their own. My comments are based on what I've seen/heard over the past 26 plus years of being married, separated then in the dating pool. ( I often refer to the dating cesspool ) None the less, I've had the occasion to share conversations with not only my female friends but my male friends too---and I have many of both genders---and many would agree...some would agree to disagree with my belief that the vagina has power...just because it's a vagina. :) Then my left hand took over.... Life is good again Sometimes self love is not only safe, but sometimes no one truly knows how to get us off better than our own two hands or one anyway. ;)

magicalmary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 95 (view)

The power of the vagina. Posted: 9/15/2012 3:13:50 PM
LOL...not for nothing but some ladies I know would chat about some of the gents they would date. Seeing we have the vaginas and they have the penis....we would joke about some men's worth which equated to the following: Some men equal a penis and a paycheck....some got both....some got half of both...some got double...others got one or the other.....but in the end most of the women agreed that despite the size. girth, and wallet attached to the man......that no matter how much some men bragged about how big both their penis and wallet were...the vagina would still win out....part of it is due to the ratio of women to men...part of it is that some men are just really horny with little discriminating taste at last call---but most women won't give up the coochie where as some men will take a stab at any coochie cuz they need to unload. Certainly this doesn't apply to all men...but there are some who behave this way and clearly there are some women who do the same things. Not saying it's right...but it happens more often then some people would lead you to believe.

MagicalMary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 89 (view)

The power of the vagina. Posted: 9/15/2012 9:38:55 AM
I'm not sure exactly how much "power" a vagina has but I have been genuinely baffled when I've seen men screw women that they wouldn't even TALK to? Or be seen in public with? It's like WHY? Yeah, what she said :o) LOL It is interesting....and while not all men do this...a good majority of them do....lol

magicalmary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

I want a real relationship Posted: 9/14/2012 2:27:51 PM
Because if we tell you the truth and say we just want to screw you then you won't screw us. If we say "we want a relationship and the sex can follow in time", we'll get laid. You do what works. You don't do what doesn't work. That's called "evolution". That is probably the most spot on and honest reply I've seen thus far. I think for some of us were conditioned to want to fall in 'love' and then get 'married' and live happily ever after. Today, with the change in attitude towards sex and relationships the traditional relationship we envisioned has changed to something less defined and leaves some individuals with more questions than answers. This isn't gender specific. Men and women both that I have spoken too 'thought' they were in great relationships only to find out that it was just a relationship of convenience where one partner was in it for the benefits and not much more. There is no real way to tell even if you take the time to get to know someone and eventually integrate sex into the relationship. Follow your heart, use your head and COMMUNICATE what you are feeling...if your partner doesn't want to hear it or care then you know your worth. Sucks...but it is what it is. here's a tip, don't spread your legs for him until you're married! In fact, tell him that's what you intend to do right from the start. That'll weed out the players pretty quickly I'd think. You control who you spread your legs for, not the players. Even better....bravo!!! I prefer brutal honesty over bullsh*t anyday. :)

MagicalMary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 77 (view)

The power of the vagina. Posted: 9/13/2012 2:45:20 PM
@ Boon Dock--- I don't have to flatter myself....as this is not about MY vagina....but...it's about the VAGINA in general. I never stated ALL men think or act this way, but I know many that do. I'm glad you have standards and when all else fails you have your hands in a jam. And I have seen men fall all over themselves for the coochie with women they'd even admit was not up to par in the looks department, but seeing they have a penis that apparently needs a vagina....bam....they hit it then quit it. ( This could be applied to SOME women iffen I believed the PENIS had more or equal power...it does not ) LOL A screw trophy, 9 months of carrying around a bowling ball in their belly and a free ticket to Stanford CT., to be a DNA guest on the Maury Show. :D They were in heat...those two legged up-right mammals and the other two legged mammal with his dangling bits couldn't remember to wrap it before he tapped it so SOMETIMES the prize is a baby...or a bewbie trap and is left with a nasty disease. There are pitfalls to having a vagina too...but for some men and women....whilst in the pursuit of the vagina...some do respect it....others not so much.

magicalmary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

Has Social Networking & Dating Sites Killed Romance? Posted: 9/13/2012 3:35:20 AM
OP- I don't think that social networking or dating sites have killed romance....I think people in general have minimized the value of each other that being in a 'relationship' has an entirely different meaning than it may have 20 or even 10 yrs ago. There is a perpetual twist in gender roles....men were always considered the bread winners but now there are just as many women who are the head of household. We live in a society where we want it and we want it now seems to be the new mantra. There appears to be no more let's get married, have two kids, buy a house, get a dog and live happily ever after because there are so many more options for individuals that 'settling' or 'settling down' either can wait or isn't even on the table anymore. Some women are opting to wait longer to make babies, have babies on their own or not at all. Men are being more choosey or are opting to be bachelors because of what they may potentially suffer due to divorce. Not saying this applies to everyone, but I dare say a good percentage of the population seems to be following these trends. The changes in how some people view intimacy in relationships has also changed too---casual encounters seem to trump being in monogamous relationships. Not everyone adheres to this way of thinking but a lot do. If you want change...it starts with the individual.

magicalmary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 68 (view)

The power of the vagina. Posted: 9/13/2012 3:24:21 AM
LOl are you serious???? The vagina holds more power than the penis??? REALLY LOL That's only because some men allow a woman to think her vagina is powerful! Yes, serious as a heart attack. Vagina power....it is real. Now, I'm not saying that yours and other posters opinions don't have some merit in this debate, however, can you explain to me why some, not all, men feel the need to brag about all the vagina's they've been in and when you go on a date they have all they can do to try to coerce you into sex? And God forbid should another man try to hit on your honey----cuz no man can take care of your ladies vagina like YOU CAN. The vagina still, in my humble opinion, has more power than any penis...and they are prettier for sure lol

magicalmary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 63 (view)

The power of the vagina. Posted: 9/13/2012 2:35:46 AM
Bullshit. Women are programmed to want sex more than any male that has, or will ever, exist. Why do you think women are brainwashed into denying the urge since birth? LOL....where did you come up with that piece of malarkey???? Brainwashed into denying the urge since birth?????? OMG....I think I just peed my pants from laughing. Dude, are you also drinking whilst operating the bar? Some women have a higher sex drive than their male counterparts.....but most, not all women, are very choosey with whom they desire to have sex with. It has been my experience, that some men, not all, will fck anything with a pulse so long as it has a vagina. (this applies to some women too...if he has a penis and a pulse they will do it ) And if you tend bar you know last call ....and who is walking out with whom...the guys might have called these ladies everything but the kitchen sink, but their primal need to fck coupled with one too many makes it easy to grab a girl and do the deed....course in the morning when they can't get away they are ready to chew their own arm off to get free. LOL The power of sex is found in the brain...because I'd bet just about everyone is thinking about sex....for some women if their first sexual experience is less than spectacular that determines how or who they will have sex with again, but for some men whose conquered his first p*ssy then it's just something he has to get back into again and again and again. Maybe it's hardwiring....but still the vagina has power no penis will ever have.....just is what it is :)~~~

MagicalMary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

Did I screw up the no contact rule? unusual situation just happened Posted: 9/13/2012 2:19:31 AM
OP- There is a reason why doctors should not treat family members....or loved ones....they lose all objectivity. If she's a junkie---take her to REHAB---sitting on a park bench talking doesn't work. Making out in the car? Take her to REHAB! Discussing a 'Model" She's pouting-REALLY!!?? I totally agree with DaynDaze----you really must of have missed a few classes!!!!! You need to get away from this toxic relationship....I don't think you love her as much as being in LOVE with the idea of rescuing her, which I might add, you cannot. She has to rescue herself. P.S. If she's admitted to being addicted to pain meds---she is. She belongs in a REHAB where Doctors and Nurses can help her withdraw from the abuse of the pain meds---you are not qualified to do so...and any professional would tell you the same...You're TOO emotionally involved.

MagicalMary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 55 (view)

The power of the vagina. Posted: 9/12/2012 4:20:57 PM
ITS ALL HORMONAL..IF WOMEN HAD THE SAME AMOUNT OF TESTOSERONE AS MEN THEY ACT THE SAME WAY! Hmmm, perhaps their is an element of raging hormones that comes into play....and I know some women who have just as high a sex drive as their male counterparts....still...if there were six women and six men in a bar...my bet is on the women to get offers for the horizontal bop versus the guys. The male urge may be primal, but in the end the vaginas win out...so it would appear ;) Not sure what prompted you to ask about a video...lol

MagicalMary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 52 (view)

The power of the vagina. Posted: 9/12/2012 2:11:35 PM
Sex is a misdemeanor...The more I miss, da meaner I get! Now, that is funny, but also true......in more ways than one....lol

MagicalMary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 43 (view)

The power of the vagina. Posted: 9/10/2012 7:35:15 PM
Ladies, enjoy the glorious magic of being female and only let a man enter your inner sanctum if he loves your sexuality with every fiber of his being! Viva les femmes! :) Well put Cool Mick. I want a man who loves not only my sexuality but more so the woman who exudes it. :)

MagicalMary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

The power of the vagina. Posted: 9/9/2012 7:07:02 PM
And then, one night I decided to see what the mystery was all about and I went home with a " last call woman " .... .... after the sex , a little Tinkerbell flew out of her vagina and granted me 3 wishes ! Omg...roflmao....now that is funny....even if the visual isn't as much. Are you sure you were drinking and not smoking? Or perhaps both. OT- I have always thought that good looks attracted men and naturally wanting sex with that particular woman made complete sense and of course good looks are subjective per each individual. Even still---the need for a man to pollinate a flower aka a vagina is just as great snookered as sober. The morning after must be splendid...lol. Not all men, but many I know, will wine and dine a woman, because they eventually want to get inside her honey pot---and buzzing bees like nectar so too does a pulsating penis. I get raging hormones....and can understand the novice being like a heat seeking missile...but I know there are some older men who are no different. Which makes me believe....the vagina is powerful in and of itself....regardless of the woman looks or lack there of.

MagicalMary

Joined: 5/26/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

The power of the vagina. Posted: 9/9/2012 3:03:08 PM
Mary, methinks you've watched Lord of the Rings one time too many! (my precious... my precious... LOL) Nah, watched it once....was not my cup of tea....but perhaps I should watch it again, eh? At any rate---to most of the posters I would agree---maybe it's supply and demand---maybe beer goggles help? I dunno, but I'd have to say a vagina has more power than a penis....JMHO. :) Oh, I hope so. I'm going to see if I can pull multi-colored silk handkerchiefs out of mine. I have actually seen a magician pull several out of her magic box....was quite comical. :)

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