From the former Thunderstorms62 chat & forums.

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chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

From the former Thunderstorms62 Posted: 8/10/2009 5:05:56 PM
ROFLMAO. Very funny! No, there is no problem. "Thunder" and I are no longer active here (we migrated together to another dating site forum), he just hasn't changed his profile. I stopped back here to look for one of my old posts. Rest assured, all is well!! On the other site, we have each other's pictures posted along with pix of us together and we are listed as in a relationship. Thank you for your concern, though!! LOL

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

From the former Thunderstorms62 Posted: 5/18/2009 5:58:04 PM
^^^^^^Thank you!

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Why do women who are already in relationships Posted: 5/4/2009 4:08:25 PM
It's possible that, like me, they had a profile up looking for a relationship and have found someone. I've kept my original profile but added that I am not interested in meeting anyone else but I'll do casual conversation and friends. I like the forums and so does my handsome man. I see no reason why either one of us should delete our profiles as long as we are clear with our intentions.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Long Distance Posted: 3/31/2009 5:30:38 PM
OP, it's up to the people involved. Yes, it takes a lot more work but you have to decide if it's worth it. Some people will pass on you because of distance and some won't. I met someone for the first time this past Saturday. We have our second date planned and it would take an act of God or Congress to keep me away. Am I supposed to say, "you're one of the most interesting, intriguing, fun to be with (and let's not even discuss the chemistry ) men that I've ever met but you're not worth a 2 1/2 hour drive to get to"? I'm not looking for someone, anyone, just a body to fill the void. To deny a connection to someone just because it's going to take more work to pursue it doesn't make sense to me.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

When should I call... Posted: 3/31/2009 5:17:03 PM
Call her now!!! Tell her how much you enjoyed talking with her. Add that you won't bug her to set up a date right now because you know she has a lot on her mind with the move. Ask her how the move is going. And if she sounds like she's open to it, ask her if she wants more help. Hate these stupid rules. I went on a first date this past Saturday and Sunday morning when we IM'd (a rule broken), we joked about all the internet dating rules we broke to that point! We have the second date planned. Toss the rules and follow your gut! Good luck, OP!

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Kind of confused... need insight Posted: 2/25/2009 6:59:09 AM
I have to agree with malley and brooklyn. You don't mention how long you have known each other but your admission of feelings for her may have been a bit too fast for her and she slowed you down with the friends thing. But now, knowing how you feel, she is more comfortable to move ahead at her own pace. Maybe if more people took the time to get to know each other, build a friendship Some of the best relationships develop from friendships. first, proceed a little more slowly, the forums and Ask A's would be empty and I'd have to find something else to do on my coffee breaks. There really are some of us who move at the speed of snail when it comes to relationships. It doesn't mean we are toying with the guy, using him for attention, or keeping him as the backup guy. It means that the relationship, or the potential for one, really matters to us and we want to do this right. OP, she may just be the type of person who needs to be the one to set the pace. If you care about her and you think she's worth it, then let her progress in her own comfort zone. I did, however, say progress. Even snails show some forward movement! Good luck!

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

She seems interested but rarely returns my messages Posted: 2/23/2009 2:41:12 PM
What does all of this mean? It means she's not really all that interested. If your paths happen to cross when it's convenient for her, then that might be fine (her telling you where she was going to be hanging out on Saturday night and saying you could join her there) but she is not interested enough to put forth any effort. This is really, really so simple it defies logic. Gentlemen, if we are interested, you will get a response, you will get a phone call, you will get a yes I'll meet you there, and we will be there, early, looking gorgeous. You will not get a run around, you will not get a no response, you will not be put off numerous times (once maybe for legitimate reasons). "ain't no mountain high, ain't no valley low", swim rivers, climb mountains, scale tall buildings with a single bound. Do you get it yet?

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

Do musicians get a bad wrap... Posted: 2/23/2009 8:18:09 AM
I wouldn't date a muscian but it has nothing to do with whether he is a player or a scum bag. I would hope my own filters would weed someone like that out no matter what their profession. I am not a bar fly. I have several friends in 3 different bands and we do go to see them play from time to time. I have no desire to spend every Friday and Saturday night at a gig as the only way to see my SO on the weekends. Their wives and girlfriends are always there. And one guy's wife is rarely there. So she never sees her husband on weekend evenings? And BTW, he is completely faithful to her. What about parties and BBQ's and family events that happen on the weekend. Sorry, just not the life for me.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

avoiding the two date sex deal? Posted: 2/23/2009 8:09:50 AM
^^^^ What she said. Rare and wonderful. You can show interest, OP, by your actions other than jumping right to sleeping with her! You can try telling her that you're interested (oh wait, that takes verbal communication ~ something that seems to be sorely lacking in the dating world), you can tell her want to get to know her better and that you find her more and more interesting and attractive everytime you're with her. You can compliment her. You can show her other signs of affection that don't immediately involve your penis! Trust me, she'll get it. And I agree with Chill in her oh so eloquent manner, only I'll put it a bit more delicately! Make love to her mind first, her body will follow.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

How do people stay married without making love? Posted: 2/23/2009 7:47:18 AM
I will have to say that a SEX STARVED PERSON be it man or woman, just has to do what they have to do to satisfy their natural urges. To bigmackcowboy and the OP and any other idiot who advocated cheating: BULLSH*T What poor excuses for men you are! What the hell is your problem bigmackcowboy? You have a lawyer. You want a divorce? GO FILE! Your hands broken you can't sign the papers yourself? No, instead you'd rather cheat instead of owning up and doing the right thing. Those vows you made were meant to be adhered to, not spit on when your sense of entitlement is not being met. Do I think you have the right to have a fulfilling sex life? Of course you do. But when those needs aren't being met within the confines of those vows or the commitments you've made, you either work to fix things or you man up and remove yourself from them. Real men face what they need to face not sneak around making excuses for themselves, trying to convince everyone that they are entitled and justified in doing this. Cheaters are losers pure and simple. And its probably why you don't have the balls to get out of your marriage. Affairs and flings as opposed to any lasting, meaningful relationship are all you're really worth. Yes I did enjoy having the last word.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

What to do when you first meet? Posted: 2/23/2009 7:39:59 AM
Ha! skyguy, you're like me...forget the subtle hints, I need red flashing neon signs or I'm oblivious!!! I'm a touchy sort of person but I'm also rather shy and reserved when I first meet someone. For me, it would depend on how long I have been speaking with them and what sort of connection we have made. If you've been talking and you've made a nice connection, I think a hug is fine. Personally, I find a handshake to be rather cold. It's not a business meeting! Unless you see the person and you're repulsed, I think a hug is ok. For me, if he balked at the hug, it would tell me a lot about him: Either that his initial reaction to seeing me isn't good or that he may not be as warm a person as I would prefer.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Does hard working mean rich? Posted: 2/23/2009 7:31:45 AM
Shoot, if that were the case, I'd be a millionaire! I own my own business and I work my tail off most days (pun intended, I own a pet grooming salon!). It's often hard, dirty, demanding and sometimes dangerous. I make half what I used to make when I was a retail buyer or analyst. But I LOVE it!!! ^^^And that above is the key. I couldn't care less how much money someone makes as long as they are happy in what they do and they can take care of the responsibilities they have. It is far more important to me to be able to share time with someone that is happy in life doing simple things or nothing specific as opposed to whining and dining and trying to impress each other with money we do or don't have. I feel sad for people who drag themselves to work everyday when they're not that content with what they do just because "the money is good". What is the price of happiness?

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Courting Friendship: Active or Passive? Posted: 2/23/2009 7:12:52 AM
Wack, wack, wack....aren't you the quicker "biting into the apple" guy? Are you now interested in trying some of the slower "peeling of the oranges"?!!! (Damn, I hope you remember the thread I'm refering to!!!) I'm not entirely sure of what point you're trying to make but, as usual, I'll slide in along DjChickie's coat tails. It takes two people to both make an effort to build either a friendship or a relationship. I am a fan of the slower, friendship first mentality. It builds closeness, it builds trust. If and when the romantic stuff happens, it's all that much sweeter. And I think if there is a good base of friendship there, if the romance falls through, the friendship has a better chance of surviving intact. I still highly recommend the oranges!

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

Hit plateau, gone as far as it can. What now? Posted: 2/20/2009 9:36:39 AM
I agree with the above, honesty and upfront is the way to go. I'd prefer to be told sonner than later before I've invested any more feelings into the relationship. I'd rather deal with the honesty and have that closure than wonder what went wrong or be in a relationship dealing with uncertainty. If what you both seek is long term, then continuing on just because it's fun and comfortable is deceiving. You are cheating both of you out of the opportunity to find someone who fills that need.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Incompatibility and Education Posted: 2/20/2009 9:12:32 AM
Bennity~ there seems to be a crop of either children playing or seriously deranged people on pof this morning. Ignore them, your question is a good one. While no one here can guess what is going on in her head, I'll approach my answer strictly from your question. No, I don't care if someone has not gone to college. I know a lot of successful, intelligent people who never went or never graduated. Some people's lives just take a different path. For me, success and self worth are measured by how you treat people and what you've done over all with you life. If you have no goals, no direction and figure you'll just wander aimlessly, that's something different. But if you can provide for yourself, you're happy and you share that happiness, to me, that's all that matters. As for incompatible, it can mean simply that she was using that word to say that, in the end, she's just not attracted to you the way she thought she was and does see you as just a friend. Or it can mean what you're thinking, that it's your lack of higher education that makes you not suitable as a "provider". I am going to assume she is your age or younger. Unfortunately, she is probably still very influenced by her parents and their pressure. When I was around your age, I knew of a situation where the parents broke up a very strong, very loving relationship between a friend and her boyfriend because her parents didn't like HIS father!!!! I tried to convince her otherwise, but their influence was too strong. Good luck, OP. I hope you two are still friends.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Is sex from a woman to a man, a gift? Posted: 2/19/2009 3:40:08 PM
I view physical intimacy as something valuable and almost sacred. It's not something I'd share with someone I'm dating casually, or a friend. It's a "gift" both partners share-- the giving of themselves, the trust, the emotional intimacy, the physical closeness, the vulnerability. I don't see how that could be considered a "barter". And: I do feel like I'm giving something, but in the sense of sharing. What they said! I also don't like the word "gift". Gifts all too often come with hidden agendas. Sex, in my world, is a culmination of how two people feel about each other. Not one giving in, giving it up or gifting. It's shared, not given.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

How do I go about this when I'm not used to online chat Posted: 2/19/2009 3:30:06 PM
Do you mean IMing or emailing? Emailing is easy, just read her profile, pick something you have in common, comment on it and ask questions she needs to answer. By that I mean form a response, not a yes or a no. As in: What type of music and groups do you like? As opposed to: Do you like music? As for IMing, one thing that might help would be to have her profile up infront of you on the computer. You can see her interests and what she writes. Then you'd have a list of topics you can bring up and talk about. Just ask questions, don't you want to know more about her? Ask!!!! Also, stop worrying about what YOU are going to say and listen to what she is saying instead. If you actually listen to what she says, she'll give you plenty of things to ask about. Edit: Have to agree with Sexy up there ^^^. If I am intersted in someone, I am going to do my damndest to make him comfortable and help the conversation along. If I'm not interested, the email, IM or phone convo isn't happening anyway!

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

First kiss? Posted: 2/19/2009 3:21:04 PM
^^^^ So well said I guess it bears repeating!!! Damn! Threads like this are just not fair!!!! Anyone see the movie "50 First Dates" with Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler? Every "day" she says, "Ahhhh, there's nothing like a first kiss!" Edit: VVVVVV If I was attracted to someone and I didn't get at least a goodnight kiss, I'd think he just wasn't into me! I'm not talking about a tonsil hockey session, but geez, at least a kiss!

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

First kiss? Posted: 2/19/2009 9:05:53 AM
^^^what they all said. And I can't cast enough votes for a man taking a woman's face in his hands and kissing her! That is a lost art! So few men do it ~ they just don't realize the melting effect it has! Even one hand under the chin lifting your face to his...sigh. Good luck OP, I hope you get your first kiss real soon. I'm still waiting on the one that rocks my world!

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

How open should you be? Posted: 2/18/2009 1:25:55 PM
What will there be to talk about it? Your interests, your hopes and aspirations for the future, your job, your passions in life, her interests, her hopes...well, you get it. I didn't check your profile to see how old you are but you really can't get the age of 30 and be on a dating site without having at least one failed relationship behind you. It's how you handle the failure of that relationship that counts. If you are dwelling on it, talk about it too much, if it still consumes a major part of your life and your thoughts, then, yes, that's baggage that no one wants to deal with. Me personally, I don't really care what has gone on in someone's past as long as it is not adversely affecting their future, because it's their future I'm interested in! Unless she asks or it has real relevance to a conversation you are having, leave your past relationships out of your new one. There's no room for a 3-some (4-some, 5-some...)in a new relationship!!

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Men and rejection Posted: 2/18/2009 11:10:42 AM
The responses you get may depend on how "honest" you are. Rejecting them with "sorry, you're too fat/bald/old/ugly/boring for me" will get you a different response back than "thank you for your email but I feel we wouldn't be a good match for each other. Good luck and happy fishing!" I've never gotten a nasty retort from someone on pof, not even once (I admit I have on another site). I often get a thank you for responding and a "good luck to you, too" but never any nasty replies.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 57 (view)

DOG attacks !! i wanna know your stories Posted: 2/17/2009 3:19:09 PM
^^^^I am not picking on you katsback but I'd like to steal your post to clear up a common misconception. Nothing a dog is vaccinated for can be transmitted to a human through a bite with the exception of rabies. All the other vaccines protect the dog only and are not zoonotic (able to be transmitted between animal and human). As for rabies, even if the dog has been vaccinated, that is still not 100% protection against rabies. While the rabies vaccine is one of the most effective, no vaccine is 100% effective and therefore it should not be relied on as the sole source of safety in case of a bite. In any dog bite where skin has been broken, the bite should be reported and the dog quarantined for 10 days. As rabies progresses through the nervous system, it enters the brain altering the animal's behavior. The very last stage of rabies is when it enters the saliva and is then transmittable through a bite. If a dog is rabid when it bit, it will usually die within 2-3 days. The 10 days is a safety net. If the dog is still alive after 10 days it could not have transmitted rabies. All states except for 11 have dog bite reporting requirements. Personally, I don't care whether a dog has had their rabies vaccine or not. If I get bitten and it breaks skin, the dog is being quarantined. In NJ, the law is exactly the same whether the dog is vaccinated or not. If he is not, though, the owner will also get fined. Just an FYI to everyone. If you are bitten, report the bite and have the dog quarantined. Rabies is still considered 100% fatal. In over 50 years, only 2 people have survived rabies. Not something to fool with. Edit: The above 10 day guidelines also hold true for cats and ferrets but no other animals. Any bite from any other species, the animal is euthanized and the brain tested for rabies.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 54 (view)

DOG attacks !! i wanna know your stories Posted: 2/17/2009 8:15:25 AM
^^^^EXCELLENT post <<<< And this: because most people do not understand how to properly raise and treat a dog. Problems arise when one does not understands dog psychology, seeing the dog as having human emotions, and ends up with a dog who thinks he is the boss of the house. reiterates what I said in one of my posts. The biggest problem with dogs and dog ownership is that people have no clue how to raise a dog as a DOG. They take what they want from a canine/human relationships ignoring what the DOG needs to be well balanced and happy. As for the pit bulls, right now a PIT BULL is playing therapy dog to the Lab/GSD mix that I mentioned in an earlier post. He is highly anxious and has severe seperation anxiety. Caesar (the pit) is teaching Rufus he can be away from a human and actually seek companionship from another dog. He has learned to play with another dog and, for the first time, has been able to be in a backyard without a human present ~ something that would normally leave him throwing himself against the door to come back in. The process is, we hope, that it will help lower his anxiety levels and reduce his snapping tendencies when he's pushed over the edge. One of those "vicious" pit bulls may be instrumental in saving my foster dog's life!

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Parental Relationships Posted: 2/16/2009 1:47:13 PM
It's important, but it's not a dealbreaker either way. If someone has a great relationship with their parents, I think that's a bonus. It speaks well of them as a person in general. And I think it tells a lot about their personality, what they care about in life, how caring they are to other people. However, I have met parents who didn't deserve love and respect. There are legitimate reasons why some parents don't deserve it. If a person does not have a good relationship with their parents, then there's a huge breakdown somewhere. Even if it's solely the parents fault, the "child" still feels the ramifications of the parents actions. If this were the case, it wouldn't be a dealbreaker as long as the person has resolved whatever issues that may be plaguing them as a result of a broken parental relationship.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Dating someone like your ex? Posted: 2/16/2009 8:34:03 AM
There are certain qualitites I look for in a person that would be the same as in my exes. That's part of why I chose them in the first place. Those are just the things I am simply attracted to and would be again in a new person. If some of their personality traits are similar it's also just because those are the things I admire in someone. Looks, general interests, personality, so far no one has been anything like anyone else. I guess I like variety!

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

What's confidence mean to you? Posted: 2/16/2009 7:52:42 AM
^^^^What denim daze said. And add in a good dose of Only1daywalker. Also what you said, OP, about inner strength. It's the ability to stand up for what he believes in, likes, dislikes without being altered by those around him. It's a man who can, in a crowd agreeing on red, say I like blue simply because he really does like blue and he sees no need to blindly follow the others. He is who he is, doesn't have to push it on anyone else, and he is comfortable with that. He can tell you he thinks you're wrong about something without offending you and without being offensive. He can take control of a situation when necessary, without being controlling. It's a quality in a man that is simply drop dead sexy. This whole "bad boy" thing is so ridiculous. No one wants to be mistreated. But no matter how confident and independent we are, we still want to know that when we need to falter or hand the weight of the world over, there's a strong, confident man there that can hold us up. I hate to bring up the whole "nice guy" thing but this confidence is something they often lack. Nice guys often put women up on a pedestal but when we fall off, as we eventually will, they are not strong enough to catch us. A confident man can still put his woman on a pedestal but she knows that if she slips, he'll be right there to catch her.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

How long do you have to wait to propose? Posted: 2/14/2009 7:58:39 AM
I have a friend whose parents met and got married 2 weeks later. They've been married nearly 60 years!! Ya never know!!! ^^^^Geez, it must be Valentine's Day or something, I'm feeling gooshie!!^^^^ Reality check...heed the advice above, slow down. You're in new relationship la la land.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Long distance Posted: 2/14/2009 7:51:12 AM
An hour? !!! An hour is not long distance. To give it another perspective, an hour is roughly 55 miles (no traffic). Most people who put distance parameters on their profiles use 75 miles. I have friends and family that live an hour away and we pop back and forth all the time. My thoughts, OP, are that you just haven't quite peeked their interest enough for them to put out the effort, minimal as it is. And if they don't want to put out even a minimal effort, are they worth it to you? And if the hour thing is still too much for you, distance can always be broken down into increments. There has to be restaurants, events, things to do that are right in the middle at a half hour. If someone isn't willing to do a half hour, then they need to grow up and realize that dates aren't handed out in drive thru windows like burgers at McDonalds for their convenience.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

are u women really that jeleous? Posted: 2/14/2009 7:27:29 AM
Just one thought to add: If she acts that way when you interact with friends right in front of her (in other words, not hiding anything) how do you think she'll react if you tell her you left the house and went out without her? If she doesn't trust you in plain site, how will she trust you when you're apart? Recipe for disaster and a LOT of drama. Who the hell wants to deal with that? IMO, say buh-bye!

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

I may have just screwed up royally Posted: 2/13/2009 7:44:51 PM
Not exactly. Of course the women who don't know what the *#@! is going on are going to have more questions. The people who are in happy relationships do not have any need to beg for advice from people on the forums. Thank you for that!! It's kind of cute when they think they understand us, though, isn't it? Op, you went for it, you'll know soon enough! I'm on the side of better to know even if it doesn't work out than to always wonder what could have been.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Where do the geeky girls hang out at? Posted: 2/13/2009 9:28:55 AM
Join clubs and organizations at school related to geeky topics that you are also interested in. Do volunteer work for a cause that you care about. You then have a built in conversation starter because you already know you share a like for something.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Why are the women on this site so difficult? Posted: 2/13/2009 9:21:06 AM
the whole problem could be that you are from NJ And what is wrong with NJ?!!

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 100 (view)

A ring from the past Posted: 2/11/2009 11:23:45 AM
An engagement ring is a conditional gift. It is conditional upon the promise of marriage. If you do not marry, you are supposed to return it. True with an exception. If the ring was also given as part of a gift, then the receiver is entitled to keep it since it was also a gift and not solely a promise of marriage. My ex gave me my ring for Christmas. Yup, I kept it. It lives in a safety deposit box along with any other jewelry that had significant meaning that he gave me. I used to always wear a diamond heart necklace, it's keeping the ring company. I run into financial problems...it's a nice savings account to bail me out! OP, if you want to wear the darned thing, wear it. Who cares what significance it has to other people, it's the significance it holds for YOU that's important. If the symbolism behind the ring is not what's going on in YOUR heart and head, then who cares? These things are just objects. The only significance they have is what we attach to them.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

I got cheeted on!! Why won't she admit it? Posted: 2/11/2009 8:32:57 AM
Because you have to be 'right' and she has to be 'wrong'.. that way, the breakup of the marriage was not becuase of anything you did. You thus need not look at anything you did or didn't do.. because it's her fault.. I agree with this. You're looking for vindication. If she admits it, it shows you and the world that you were the one who was wronged. Not getting that proof that you're the innocent party is what's bugging you. Let the anger go, there's just nothing positive in it.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Dating single Dads with kids over the age of ??? Posted: 2/11/2009 7:09:44 AM
Op, I would have no problem dating a man who had kids of any age and I agree with you on your 3 points. There is one exception for me: if he had primary custody. I'm 49 and never had children. At this point in my life I am looking for an adult relationship that 2 people are free to pursue as they see fit. I've never had to manage the responsibilities, restraints and alterations in life that come with raising children. I have no problem with kids, no problem with exes and I realize that there are lots of things in life that can cause drama, not just those two. So that's not the issue for me. What I am trying to say is that I would find it difficult to pursue a personal relationship with a man who's kids always lived under his roof (I mean younger kids, not adults). Unless I am living with him in a commited relationship or we are married, I am not sleeping with a man while his kids are under the same roof. My morals, I get to keep them. Others can live to their own standards. I also would find it difficult to have to always curtail our "activities" because the kids are in the next room playing Wii. If cooking dinner suddenly leads to sex on the kitchen table, I wouldn't want to have to say no for fear of kids and their 10 friends walking in the door. If half time of the football game is time for "encroachment" on the sofa, same as above. I don't want to have to make those type of alterations in a relationship because the kids are around all the time. Having never had to deal with making adjustments for kids before, I wouldn't want to now on a full time basis. Every other weekend, week, whatever would be fine, just not 24/7. I hope this added another perspective to your answers.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Advice Wanted On My Best Friend Posted: 2/10/2009 7:18:17 AM
does she like me more than a friend, if she does then why not say something ??? Because she has the same fears you do about possibly ruining the friendship. I'll turn your statement around on you: do you like her more than a friend, if you do then why not say something She may (may, none of us can tell what's in her head if even you can't!) have the same feelings for you but is having the exact same fears as you are.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

How long till u give up on a relationship? Posted: 2/10/2009 6:40:13 AM
OP, I think she's just not that into you. At 4 months she should know whether you are someone she wants to be with or not. Even if two people are taking a relationship slowly and letting it build, it still shows some sort of forward progress. If you're still at relatively the same point you were at 4 months ago then this is not something that is going anywhere. If it's not what you want, then move on.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

What does a woman you just started dating expect on V-day Posted: 2/10/2009 6:27:00 AM
Absolutely, 100% what silentsteel said! Go back and read that again and again and again and again. It can be something very small and silly, like if she mentioned she has an odd collection of something. It's the fact that you were listening that matters. One other suggestion: chocolate covered strawberries. You can feed them to each other for desert!

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

Do women want truthfulness or a car? Posted: 2/9/2009 9:27:16 PM
this is telling me there are many shallow women out there This from a man who has "intelligence" as one of his interests on his profile. And, BTW, off topic, the word is Kamasutra. Two words: grow up. That's it! That's why you're not getting any messages! It's not your lack of driving that matters, it's the reason for it. A 45 year old man acting like a 17 year old kid with several illegal transgressions behind him is NOT an attractive trait to an intelligent woman.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 47 (view)

DOG attacks !! i wanna know your stories Posted: 2/9/2009 5:15:18 PM
Oh really? so I suppose all those police reports and detailed newspaper accounts of individuals maimed and killed by piits/mastiffs are just figments of imagination? ... They must be, that's what anecdotal means. Those are the national reported statistics compiled by the creators of the website I quoted and backed up by the CDC website (Center for Disease Control). If you saw more than the numbers I quoted listed in your local paper, I suggest contacting the CDC and relaying your findings because they must be completely unaware of what is happening in MA. Its people like yourself who are a large part of the problem.. those steeped in denial about the breed I am in absolutely no denial about the potential for damage these breeds can inflict. What I am against is people like you who go off into hysterics about a particular breed as opposed to going after the people who own them. In the 60's, it was German Shepherds. In the 70's, it was Dobermans. Then it was Rottweilers. And now it pits and mastiffs. Each generation seems to pick it's breed to make vicious. How about going after the mentality of those who feel the need to hide behind a dog's ferocity? ANYTHING can be made vicious. While there are some sweet natured pitts and mastiffs its far from the norm!.. Really? And how many have you been around to base this premise on? The newspaper articles you say you've read that far outnumber the actual statistics on fatal dog attacks? I've been a rescuer for nearly 20 years. I cofounded and run an animal shelter, I'm a NJ State Certified Animal Control Officer, I'm a trainer and behaviorist, I rehab dogs with behavior problems. Your credentials? As for the Pom, I pulled that quote from the website as an example of how ANY breed can be dangerous in the wrong situation or in the wrong hands. My one sole bite ever in nearly 20 years came from a Golden Retriever! yeah I get that you love your pitts and think they have been unfairly maligned.. I implore you to get your head out of the dust and get a reality check I have no specific love of pits, I think they are one of many great breeds of dogs and I fight against people like you who, through ignorance and hysteria, malign these dogs as opposed to going after bad owners. My head is nowhere in the dust, I have a far more realistic view of dogs and dog ownership than the average person. Personally, I'm sick and tired of dealing with people and the way they screw up animals because they either make them vicious because they think it's cool, have not a clue how to properly raise a dog as a DOG, or treat the dog as a substitute for a human baby. I agree 100% with those who feel the need to take aggressive measures to protect themselves and their own animals. I would do exactly the same. God help anything, human or animal, that tried to hurt one of mine. I have a very realistic view of what a dog is and isn't capable of. I know my number one priority as a rescuer is to make sure that any animal that leaves my organization is safe to be around to the best of our abilities. If I feel that I cannot reasonably trust that animal, then I will, with great sadness but without a guilty conscience, euthanize the dog. I am potentially faced with that now ~ a Lab/Shepherd mix. So don't you dare tell me I have my head in the dust when I work with this 24/7. And, BTW, I do hope your Pap no longer has his "nuts". A major problem with dog bites AND the fact that nearly 4 MILLION animals are euthanized in this country each year for lack of a home is because owners refuse to alter their pets.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 41 (view)

DOG attacks !! i wanna know your stories Posted: 2/9/2009 2:50:01 PM
A few yrs back here in MA you could not open a newspaper without reading about how the "sweet family pittbull" mauled the baby or toddler to death...or the owners That's anecdotal and exaggerated and feeds anti-breed hysteria. Up until the late '90's the average number of fatal dog attacks across the country was 17. In the last few years: 2006, 26 fatal attacks across the country 2007, 33 fatal attacks 2008, 23 fatal attacks Statistics come from dogbitelaw.com ~ an excellent resource for all info about dog bites and you can look up the laws and statistics in your state. If you get bitten by a dog, you can see what your rights are in your particular state. You can also look on the CDC's website for additional info. As for injuries and fatalities, those states where breed was recorded showed pit type dogs and Rottweilers as the highest percent. In those states where the reproductive status of the dog was recorded, I was low, 81% were unneutered males. Any dog has the potential to kill. That cute little thing the 4 lbYorkie does with his toys, grabbing the toy in his mouth and excitedly shaking it back and forth real fast? It's called a death shake. It's what they do to prey to break their necks. Also this from the above website: The most horrifying example of the lack of breed predictability is the October 2000 death of a 6-week-old baby, which was killed by her family's Pomeranian dog. The average weight of a Pomeranian is about 4 pounds, and they are not thought of as a dangerous breed. Note, however, that they were bred to be watchdogs! The baby's uncle left the infant and the dog on a bed while the uncle prepared her bottle in the kitchen. Upon his return, the dog was mauling the baby, who died shortly afterwards. ("Baby Girl Killed by Family Dog," Los Angeles Times, Monday, October 9, 2000, Home Edition, Metro Section, Page B-5.) Never, ever leave a child alone with a dog. Never, ever. No matter what you think, no matter how you trust that dog. Read the statistics about the # of bites, the % of which are children and the % of those bites which are to the face.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Girls - Just going out. Posted: 2/9/2009 11:01:04 AM
Um, am I missing something here? Isn't that what dating is all about? Going out and getting to know someone to see if there is anything there without planning the flowers and having the caterer on hold? You just ask them out! It's really quite simple! Either the attraction grows or it doesn't. There's only a few equations here. B likes G and G isn't feeling it. G likes B but B isn't feeling it. Neither G nor B are feeling it. Both G and B are feeling it and we're on to date #2! Unfortunately, hurt feelings often go with the territory of dating. But you can't stick your head in the sand and not date just because you might get hurt or hurt someone else. If everyone clicked as a couple the first time they attempted to date someone there'd be no need for pof. And then what would poor Markus do with his time?

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Friends and Family very important? Posted: 2/9/2009 10:49:26 AM
regardless how much time they spend with their loved ones The idea here being that YOU become one of their loved ones! Therefore, time is made so you can be together.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Friends and Family very important? Posted: 2/9/2009 7:28:04 AM
^^^^first paragraph of what DJ said! But it seems that friends and family take up all their time, and have no time to even meet with you. Did you watch Daisy the horse and the Kleidsdale in the Super Bowl Budwieser commercial? "Ain't no mountain high, ain't no value low..." If a person is interested, they will make time. Priorities get adjusted, responsibilities get shuffled. I would be more wary of someone who didn't feel that family and friends were important. Being with someone just means that you adjust for time together and hopefully you both spend time with each other's family and friends.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 116 (view)

I dont love him Posted: 2/9/2009 6:58:54 AM
^^^^And has she thought about the psychological effects on her children as she presents to them a mother who is unwed and pregnant? Mommy sleeps around with men she has no commitment with, doesn't use birth control and doesn't necessarily want the Daddy in her life. What wonderful impressions of herself to intill in her children. Maybe acting like a responsible adult with children to care for and worrying about raising them with herself as a good moral example might have avoided this whole situation.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 60 (view)

I dont love him Posted: 2/6/2009 6:09:26 PM
We've been in a relationship since. My problem is that i dont love him. I was stupid to get pregnant as neither of us needed it and i certainly wasnt ready for another heavy relationship..i was only intending to date him and see if we liked each other. Im having enough problems still getting over my last one, now this one feels like such hard work. I hardly see him and i know i dont love him, yet i dont think its fair that i should raise another child without a father. Her words and the order in which she wrote them. And what would that relationship be since she hardly sees him? hi, i got out of a very tough relationship with help from a lovely guy i know. We ended up sleeping together and i fell pregnant. We've been in a relationship since. My problem is that i dont love him. Correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't that sound like someone who stepped up too the plate and was involved with her kids? Does too me!!!! Where do you see kids mentioned in her statement above? Yes, he stepped up to the plate early on for her but then again mentions that she now "hardly" sees him. Again, her words, her timeline as to where she placed those words. I see nothing in her entire post that mentions he was involved with her kids. I commend you for the Dad that you say you've been to your kids. I had a spectacular Dad and have mentioned often how important he was in my life and how important I think Dads are. I don't take issue at all with the fact that some men's rights do get trampled on when it comes to their kids. What I took issue with is the fact that you came on very strong and offensive when you felt the father wasn't being considered and you were basing it on a false premise (the whole commitment to her and the kids thing when she says she hardly sees him). Going back to the OP's first post, where is your rant against her? The options she presented in her post were to stay with him or to raise the child alone. Sounds like all she was considering was herself and the child. Sounds like she wasn't considering his rights and she certainly didn't offer a third solution of him raising the child himself either. Is she included in your message to fvckoff!!!?

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

DOG attacks !! i wanna know your stories Posted: 2/6/2009 5:46:37 PM
Msg 20 ~ jjd33 That's actually very true about pit bulls as far as breeding goes. These dogs were bred to NOT be aggressive towards humans, only to other animals. A pit handler had to be able to reach into a fight and pull their dog out without being attacked themselves. That couldn't happen if the dogs were agressive to humans. Pits are very intelligent, loyal to their humans and make great family pets. My favorite are reds. I've adopted out 2 of them. Pit bulls are actually not a breed, they are a category of dog that was bred for bull baiting and pit fighting. That includes all your bull terrier breeds like the Staffordshires, bull dogs and bull terriers (like Spuds McKensie!). What most people recognise as a pit bull is an American Staffordshire Terrier. There is a budding breed called an American Pit Bull Terrier (APBT) but I don't believe they are recognized as a breed yet.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 51 (view)

I dont love him Posted: 2/6/2009 2:52:49 PM
Don't create a sounding board for your trampled on Daddy Rights where none existed ummm... the OP never even said dad knows of the baby... and because she says "she hardly see's him" who the hell are you to say it's because of him... And before you jump on your "hind" horse, I suggest you reread my statement and the ones above it. My quote above was in response to justmeandmax, msg. 29 and nothing in the OP's original post. It could very well be that it's HER choice to "hardly" see the father. But msg. 29 was basing his rant on the father "making a commitment to her and her 4 kids". I was simply pointing out that there was no commitment based on the OP saying she "hardly" sees him. Therefore, his rant on Daddy Rights was unfounded. I DID state in my second post that the father should be involved in any decisions made. But the OP made it sound like he is barely in her life. If he already knows of the baby, then that's a shame. If he doesn't, then he should be told and they make the decisions together. No one has implied anything as far as the father's rights are concerned. We are running on info as the OP presented it. YOU are running on assumptions and reading implications into our posts where none exist.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 34 (view)

I dont love him Posted: 2/6/2009 12:25:09 PM
Every once in a while, I just really take offense to the high and mighty, holier than thou comments some people make. Maybe it wasn't meant for me but when you condemn with a broad stroke, you encompass everyone. They're self centered I am so far off from being self centered, it's laughable. I've never hurt or destroyed anything and I couldn't care less what type of life the OP leads. She asked for opinions on her situation and she's getting them. What I can't stand are people who do not take responsibility for their own actions and when things go wrong they cry, boo hoo, woe is me. And in this case, her lack of responsibility is going to affect the life of a child. Yet it's all just so "unfair", isn't it? If they're such wonderful people why are they all divorced? Thankyou yarimelma for pointing out the obvious. He must be so far and above the rest of us that only HIS divorce was justified. I have no desire to share on the internet the reasons for my divorce but I would bet my house that there is not a single person on here that would say I wasn't justified. Not a single person. So why are you divorced? Did you "not get along"? "Grow apart?" Cheat? And then there's: but we are talking about a man who has made a commitment to a woman with four kids!!!!! No, go back and read what she wrote in her OP. She "hardly sees" him. So the man is barely in her life, where is this a commitment to her and her children? I agree completely that he should be involved in the decision making process and be given the opportunity to raise the child if he chooses and that's what is deemed best. But that is not the scenario she painted in her post when she wrote that she "hardly" sees him and thinks it's "not fair" to have to raise the child alone. So the responses simply stated to not raise the child alone but that adoption would be the preferable route. Don't create a sounding board for your trampled on Daddy Rights where none existed.

chatte

Joined: 6/7/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

I dont love him Posted: 2/6/2009 8:49:50 AM
I went back to my earlier post ~ nowhere in that post did I judge your mothering skills. It was this statement: i dont think its fair that i should raise another child without a father and the fact that you "fell" pregnant that formed the response I wrote. Maybe it's the British phrasing that makes the internet "read" differently. You're looking for sympathy and "there, there" pats on the back for a situation you walked into, that could have easily been prevented and you're now crying woe is me. My advice stands. You say you rarely see him and you don't love him. What sort of relationship for you or the child will this be? And if he isn't around, you already view having to raise this child as "unfair". I still think adoption is a win-win situation for all involved. You asked for advice ~ don't get pissy if it's not what you want to hear.

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