Being in the Moment While Dating chat & forums.

Show ALL Forums

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Author

Thread: Being in the Moment While Dating

Karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

Being in the Moment While Dating Posted: 8/12/2012 9:45:36 PM
My definition of being in the moment, listening with ears of enthusiasm and exploration, seeing whats 6" in front of your face, being able to recall later a few sdjectives from the moment, smelling the smells that ride on little puffs of air that pass you bye so fast yet linger in the mind long afterwards, put down your phone, donate your mind to the possibility of having some pleasantly extraordinary experience thst can only take place st this moment. If you can not do this practice coming up with 10 adjectives for simple things in your world

Karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Series of Events Posted: 8/12/2012 9:15:29 PM
I am sorry this happened to you, i can relate. Here's the deal we are old enough at this age to make real commitments, to say i love you, to do the right thing when things are not what they need to be . After a year in half you have a right to have someone stand up and be honest about their intentions. Sometimes there are reasons people are alone at this age. Shake off the dust and listen people always tell you who they are, you deserve to have more!

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Instant chemistry vs slow burn Posted: 7/24/2012 8:50:39 PM
There is another site that goes through different questions, i can get pretty enamoured by words actually, but it is hard to say sometimes you can have all the things you want and without a sparkle in the eye and a sideways grin it just doesn't work. I usually go on a couple dates though, because first dates are a wash usually.

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 90 (view)

She had a great time I thought it was the worst date in my life..how do I tell her? Posted: 7/17/2012 4:35:29 PM
Sex and dinner are two separate issues, dinner does not buy you sex. When a women wants to be intimate with someone, she will not warn you against it . When you want to have dinner with someone than Ask, if you want to go dutch your going to have to broach that subject before you start eating. Why not ask her what she wants to do, and if she says going out to eat, you could say: do you have any place that you like that is in your budget? Then offer to pay for your share when the bill comes. If she looks at you with that entitled aghast taken back look , then offer to make dinner. If you sre unhappy with the pace that she wants to take, maybe you should think of it like this: you are ready to dump her because you fear that she is using you, are you really ready to connect this closely with her? Four dates is really not any indication of whether or not she will Be totally into you and rocking your world a month from now. She may surprise you...

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 34 (view)

How Do You Keep an Open Mind and Protect Your Heart? Posted: 7/15/2012 8:56:45 PM
This is an age old question and there are no perfect answers. Never, never have sex unless you want to and feel like you Are ready and are sure, that you feel like this is the person you want, rather than, you want somebody and they happened to be available. I think people try to rush things along too fast and then go through all this mental confusion about sex, rather than spend the time getting to know the person Enough to not be confused. You make the rules, not jumping right away eliminates the players, because they will go play someplace else. I personally like the anticipation of letting something simmer. I think courtship is part of the building blocks of a relationship.

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 29 (view)

Define a healthy relationship Posted: 7/14/2012 3:52:36 PM
Where both people are getting their needs met to some degree, respect, trust and the ability to keep ones resentments at a low, in order to keep the chemistry On the upside. If one can keep a toll of the good things regularly and commit to resolve the bad it should stay loving for a long time.

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 32 (view)

Religion and dating Posted: 7/14/2012 9:33:45 AM
Whoa, does she know how you feel? Maybe she never glanced at that part of your profile.

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

introvert/extrovert Posted: 7/14/2012 7:37:30 AM
I am an extrovert, but I require a certain amount of quiet time to process life. I work with young adults who have been homeless and have some psychological issues, so I am slways on at work, so I need someone who does not overwhelm me or is not Too demanding. I love people who love adventure, but rarely find them. I also like to go to city events, people who are introverted stay home a lot, so I have a hard time wth this issue too. This is a complicated issue really.

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 118 (view)

Where DO you feel it's okay to approach you? (women) Posted: 7/12/2012 8:31:50 PM
Well the only time i think it is not ok is 1 at the bank, or at the doctors office .

Karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 43 (view)

Since guys are annoyingly told all the time to Posted: 7/11/2012 10:07:48 AM
You have never heard the expression act like a lady? It's always moms fault or assertive women are called sluts oh please there are many social norms put upon women. Man up usually means take a stand, and back it up with action. This is a great concept, but the approach is messed up. I personally think these are expressions to manipulate people by shame and quilt, which doesn't work To empower people for more than 5 minutes. To empower a person, they must believe that they can eventually reach their goal.

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

Not Looking for Love In Your Last Chapter Posted: 7/10/2012 9:39:27 PM
I didn't know love was a choice. I think that when you try to orchestrate your own feelings, you are doomed to fail. If you have love inside you and are capable of loving it just happens.

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 58 (view)

Rejection Posted: 7/5/2012 2:43:47 PM
I never worry about how old i am, but i am not particulary attracted to younger men either. What i worry most about is that my song will not be heard by the one who believes, that it is music to their ears. So if i say the wrong thing, oh well~

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

Definitely Theoretical Circumstance Posted: 7/4/2012 8:37:05 AM
Ok so you made a mistake, people who are evolved enough to actually Have a relationship have two things in their tool box: Forgiveness, and compassion. If she remembers the message just tell the truth.

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Should I move on? Posted: 7/1/2012 6:55:25 PM
The timing may be off right now or it could have been off when You spoke, because she needed to resove the situation she was in, check back in periodically, she told you that she wanted more. She may feel sheepish about calling you back later.

Karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Winning Someone Posted: 7/1/2012 2:05:42 PM
Well in this venue i am sure a person wants to present themselves appealing, but ultimately everyone wants the other person to decide upon ones interest in them, rather than how good they appear to be.

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 95 (view)

Bittersweet excitement.....buying a house w/o someone to share the fun Posted: 6/29/2012 6:49:31 AM
Yes when i graduated from college, a few years ago, it was very special to walk for me, because i worked very hard. It was totally bittersweet.

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 40 (view)

What do You do on a Bad Date? Posted: 6/28/2012 11:29:28 PM
I have never had someone be rude, but i have had someone admit to being married once in the first 5 minute, he was living in the basement and needed to get his finances together and thought i would understand, but the way i look at it he was looking to get out and i was looking to get in. I simply said i can not handle that and stood up and said sorry and left. I figure the person had plenty of time to be honest as we talked for 2 weeks first. I think that when someone starts labeling and telling you up front that they are not impressed, you need to do yourself a favor and say Ok thats fine and just get up and leave.

Karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 127 (view)

Anyone else only come here for the forums? Posted: 6/19/2012 4:13:18 PM
I am here for the forums only it can be a huge eye opener as to how people really feel .

Karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 46 (view)

personality vs. character Posted: 6/19/2012 3:55:20 PM
For me one of the biggest eye openers is how other people treat the person your with, such as: family, freinds and co workers. I once had a supposedly "best freind", of a guys ask me straight out what the heck I was doing with this person, and when I replied what do you mean they told me this person was an arse. Go to there territory!!!

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

intimate encounters Posted: 6/19/2012 1:51:46 PM
Sorry i wouldn't take it personal though it's not about you, they dont know you yet. Even nice guys enjoy physical relationships. So now that you have narrowed your selection down it may take a little longer , but it will happen. Maybe exploring, other venues while you are looking would be good.

Karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 82 (view)

Few weeks into dating and cancer diagnose Posted: 6/19/2012 8:55:39 AM
The guy is going to go through some self pity cut him some slack, he needs to process this may take a month for sure If he has to have radical surgery his nerves will probably be damaged, there are devices to make him hard but he will Not be able to ejaculate. This is huge, take your own needs out of the equasion for now and give him time. You have to decide what you really need in a relationship and there are all kinds of relationships this one does not need to be an intimate one it could be real good buddys.

Karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 54 (view)

Sabotaging yourself , after great date Posted: 6/19/2012 8:11:46 AM
You determine what is a gesture of caring or clingy, I personally do not think that is clingy, and I really doubt that someone who digged you would take offence enough to Write you off for that. Did you sabatage yourself, only if you heatd a voice in your head say don't say that and you did anyway. What you did was overreact to a feeling of abandonment, that you felt based on a trigger from your past. Change your desire to win according to your terms and let relationships unfold, according to a natural coarse of events, and then judge whether it fits or doesn't from knowing rather than perceiving. This guy was brutally honest with you, i would call that a huge plus! Let him get in contact with you next.

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

Taking a hike on the first date... Posted: 6/16/2012 8:20:56 AM
No do not second quess your instincts, you are there to meet someone No way would i consider this i have had people get grabby in A public place. Grated someones fullpersonality can not be summed up in a first date, but you still need to allow yourself an exit.

Karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 32 (view)

Layers of Discovery...the precious gifts of this life..... Posted: 6/15/2012 10:21:01 PM
Thanks Stargazer for this wonderful thread and the complimentthank you ready i am sure That you have a list of wonderful gifts.

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

How do I remove algae from a PVC fence? Posted: 6/14/2012 9:07:30 AM
Algae grows in wet and cool places if it is by the garden, let some sun in! It grows fast so cleaning will be a full time job. I be willing to try the oil though , i put peat moss or vermiculite on the soil around plants to keep from collecting algae growing Aeriate the space somehow

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 38 (view)

the funniest comedy on TV is the Big Bang Theory Posted: 6/14/2012 8:54:52 AM
I never watch tv but i absolutely love this show

Karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Layers of Discovery...the precious gifts of this life..... Posted: 6/14/2012 7:28:36 AM
I have been given many gifts that help me through life: The ability to be able to see life as a child sees something that amazes them, i am still as enthusiastic now As i was when i was a silly 16 year old girl, it annoys some but, it makes life fun for me, kids love me! I am learning, to find the real purpose in work and not let politics weigh me down. Before i go to work I ask god to use me, and help me find the best way to reach people, I then say to myself my purpose for today is to help as well as i can. I try to remember everyday that today is the day. I have learned to laugh at myself and accept myself. I have learned that i like being a woman and that i feel more femine now than i ever have.

Karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

how many minute or how many dates can you tell this is not my type Posted: 6/13/2012 11:00:33 PM
I agree with Igor's statement, "It takes a long while before you realize, just as I did with my collecting bug, that you are sitting at home alone, with a large, useless, and very sexually and emotionally unsatisfying, but very complete set of Red Flags." I will add physical infatuation can turn on a dime, if someone Does something distasteful or breaks one of your social Norms, but the joy of discovering someone Is awesome by conversation and sharing takes a lot longer to walk away from becsuse they hsve physical Imperfection

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Should I make a move? Posted: 6/13/2012 9:47:00 AM
If you are the coach and his kid is good at baseball and has a proven track record than maybe. if not and you put him in the game it maybe looked as favoritism , the kid is the most important person here, so if you are not serious about having anything real i would just remain freindly

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 49 (view)

would you marry a widow or widower if.... Posted: 6/13/2012 9:12:03 AM
When i buried my former husband, i used a very lg piece of rugged rock 3'x6', as a headstone that was in the shape of a grizzly bear, he had that rock at the corner of our property and loved it, since i had to puchase 2 plots in order to do this, i have a puchased plot next to him. I want to be donated to science if they can still use me but it is there if i need it. When you buy a plot they will try to get you to purchase another one so your loved ones are not by strangers, it is a shrewd business that can manipulate a person when they At their most vulnerable, so ask ?s before passing judgement.

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 97 (view)

im dating, but im lonely.. Posted: 6/12/2012 9:45:53 PM
He has talked about it, he just didn't say the words you wanted to hear

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 142 (view)

Do men over 50 really want the same? Posted: 6/12/2012 9:37:40 PM
Dont worryabout what other people want, you look nice you are articulate and seem To have a lot going for you. At 52 determine what you want and enjoy the process. It could be that you are a tad bit lonely and wanting things too fast. When people first come here it is a candy store and then most come back down to earth and get real. You can't blame people for trying. Any man that wants to try his luck in the younger pool probably Is someone that at this age you wouldn't be interested in anyway.

Karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 112 (view)

Dating over 55 Posted: 6/11/2012 7:53:27 AM
I dont think that you committef a mortal sin, it might have been better though if you would have ended that by saying something like thats why i chose you. I am not 55 yet but I have dated a few people off of dating sites. Women get a lot of sexual comments and it can leave some hypersensitive. On the other hand, when you say to a women you are looking for sexy, she will Either think oh I fit the bill or she will think hmm I wonder if I am sexy enough at this age you may have hit her on a vulnerable day. It is best to gather evidence of sexy by observation, what you find sexy someone else may find Flagrant.

Karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

Summer plans.... Posted: 6/10/2012 10:26:44 PM
Well there were different things i liked about different places. I loved the spirit and quaintness of Madeline island, i stayed in an octagon house, called the Lorian, it had a skylight in the middle of it and the porch off of the master was in the trees. The house sat on the south beach, my daughter, her freind and I spent the better part of a week there the end of july. We swam in lake superior it was shallow in front of the house so the water was warm. We went diving, spent days reading and swimming and exploring some light houses around, this small island it was absolutely glorius.

Karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 74 (view)

Dropping a bomb after 5 months Posted: 6/10/2012 8:08:25 PM
Oh yea, lol there is no doubt in my mind that he would turn it around like that lol, that made me laugh too.

Karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 71 (view)

Dropping a bomb after 5 months Posted: 6/10/2012 7:19:47 PM
Yes he is not in bed, although he seems to like 20 min naps which is no big deal, i guess part of my anger has to do with, the fact that he still smokes, eventhough he bought the e cigarette kit a couple of months ago and so he has something to do instead of smoke. I is hard to quit i know but if someone told me i would meed a transplant i would find a way. We have issues which basically boil down to him being very stubborn and i am kind of used to being independent out of need. Eventhough he has many great traits we find by the 2nd night together if that happens we get annoyed with each orher so yea it's complicated

Karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

dont ask me ??? Posted: 6/10/2012 7:05:35 PM
Usually it means i don't want to fight and I either don't know the answer or at this moment it won't be an answer you want to here. I find that some people will ask the same questions many times and I think maybe they are not hearing the true answer and they want a different answer or they Are asking someone who couldn't muster up the courage to tell the exact truth no matter how understanding the listener was.

Karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 40 (view)

Dropping a bomb after 5 months Posted: 6/7/2012 8:44:22 AM
Alfredo i am not sure what you mean by i love comfort more, but that is probably true i work With young people who have been homeless that have mental health issues, so i really like my home life to be kind of comforting and leave it beaver style, i know laugh if you will it is all about balance for me. I felt this conversation took place after i ask for something i wanted rather than A gentle sit down tell all kind of thing. I was so blown away i could not really continue the conversation because it came out of nowhere There are ways to tell people things and times when to tell. As far as me being angry i was told this person was ok now that it was in the past. He is not your typical heart patient he usually has a pretty good level of energy while with me., except when it comes to going places after work. Since he works every weekend this is kind of an issue because I like to go to some cultural-events and festival kind of things in minneapolis. These things are just part of my bucket list now that i have free time on weekends and Some $ It wont make or break things but i wanted someone to share life experiences with so yes i am whining. I wrote this forum to bounce my feelings off and to get a third eye as my emotions Were kind of all over the place and i wanted objective advice Thank you all! Everything that has been written i needed to hear.

Karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Dropping a bomb after 5 months Posted: 6/6/2012 9:56:09 AM
Dear vox I object to your limited amount of empathy and insensitive judgement, I do feel bad, that i am upset, so much so that i really haven't been able to have this conversation at length with him yet. This man peesented himself as just getting started with longterm plans and goals, I yes gleamed on that, yes because i lost my dream of having a Family and growing old with some guy cracking jokes and sitting at the kitchen table over coffee in the morning. No one knows better than me that there are no sure things, i however was looking for a possibility of another 20 years, with someone,.

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Dropping a bomb after 5 months Posted: 6/6/2012 8:57:35 AM
Any tiredness that he has had, I associated with his job which is on his feet most of the day. We both have weird schedules so we see each other once a week to 10 days, we live 45 minutes a way from each other. I work 8 days in 2 weeks mostly afternoons, he works mostly days.

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Dropping a bomb after 5 months Posted: 6/6/2012 8:31:32 AM
This is kind of a tough situation but it would be nice to see how other people feel . What would you do if after asking someone to go out after work they told you, they get tired easier because they have a ejection fraction of 20 and one day they will be a canidate for a heart transplant? I am a widow my husband died almost 10 years ago, i am not looking to bury another one. I am angry and feel Like this should have been discussed earlier, but i also feel quilty for feeling angry. I knew this person had a heart attack in the late 30's but was told everything was good now in the beginning( he is in his late 50's)

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 58 (view)

Interested or just flirting? How does a guy tell? Posted: 6/5/2012 8:20:42 PM
Open yourself to see the person as a warm human being rather than a possible object of rejection. Social anxiety, just like any anxiety takes repetition to feel comfortable with the situation, try to muster up some courage for someone you want. It only takes a few seconds to ask someone out, if they don't say yes than excuse yourself and go for a walk. Excercising will slow your anxiety, and clear your adrenaline and than back at it, eventualy you will be amazed. Worst possible scenario you make someone feel special even if they aren't interested. There are no quarantees, look at it as though you were paying someone a compliment.

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Discovering you might have a 'type' Posted: 6/4/2012 9:40:30 AM
I have hardly ever dated my type, physically they just dont walk around in the midwest. I have found people who, i felt immediately warmed and comfortable with though. As a rule I don't think people stay the same. Taste change with the times, in the end it is in the eyes of the soul that keeps me wanting to be with someone,and i haven't quite named that, maybe lets just call it gravity.

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 85 (view)

Religion and modern relationships, is there a basic conflict? Posted: 5/30/2012 9:27:04 AM
I think that at some age a person has got to do what they Feel natural with and stop asking for other people to be there moral compass. As far as the big guy goes all rules were originally set up to help people live together in peace. If you feel that you are doing right by the person you're with than you are coming from a place of love.

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

I need advice on how to find this girl Posted: 5/30/2012 9:05:06 AM
Try googling her alias name maybe she used the same one on a different site.

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 571 (view)

Justifying Cheating? Posted: 5/30/2012 8:43:44 AM
You are looking to share your life with someone period. If this person can not meet your needs than, it doesnt matter why, just that you are not getting everything that you need

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

How to pursue appropriately? Posted: 5/30/2012 8:36:32 AM
She has befreinded you period

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Are who we choose to date pre-determined by biology? Posted: 5/30/2012 8:00:28 AM
Well, there are a lot of theories on what makes people attractive to each other. Women are definitely more responsive to men when they are in Ovulation. Women can be more responsive to alpha males too, But envirment plays a big role also, if a women had a good relationship with her dad, she May find that she respects men like her dad more. As far as, dumb, inert women being more attractive to men, well that is a new one, a man who finds women that he feels are in someway inferior to him Is not strong enough mentally to go for what he really wants, so therefore he would not be attractive to me What do dumb looking women look like anyway?? Be careful that one may bite you in the arse someday. As far as I am cocerned, I seem to be attracted to the way Someone smells, and the sound of their voice early on, if my attraction willgo further than a momentary Fondness.

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Dating someone who looks like an Ex Posted: 5/30/2012 7:38:17 AM
I am a widow, it has been just under 9 years, so eventhough I have worked through my greif I don't think it would be a great idea. It just feels like part of me would be rapped up in the past with the resemblance,and it wouldn't be fair. This happened about 4yrs. Ago and I just could not bring my self to actually go out with the person.

karma1160

Joined: 6/10/2008

Msg: 265 (view)

3 Strikes - out. No more widowers ! Posted: 5/24/2012 9:57:46 AM
Everyone is different of course, greif is very complicated much more So than someone could ever imagine. It is typical for someone to feel guilty at first , people are human and they have needs and This is hard to deal with at first. At the very least i would say less than 2 years is probably too soon. People don't really know how healed they sre until they Adventure out.

Show ALL Forums