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Thread: Has your Adult ADD ruined/sabotaged relationships?

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 146 (view)

Has your Adult ADD ruined/sabotaged relationships? Posted: 11/16/2009 7:46:42 PM
Much like honest politicians, military intelligence, and perpetual motion, ADD is a myth. It does not exist. If you are hyperactive to any degree it is because you consume too much salt. Lower your sodium intake. ADD is school kid brattiness amplified by psycho-babble, denial, drug abuse, and/or more. You pay attention to what you want to when you want to. If Jennifer Lopez walked into your home, began doing a strip tease and then-after the strip-promised you a blow job for every newspaper article you could slowly read aloud to her, you would be able to read the whole paper to her...slowly...even though doing so required you to pay attention to the paper. You would have no attention deficit whatever. acuddler You have no clue how add presents itself! It is not evident in novel or intense situations. Salt? Wish it were that easy for those with this deficit.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 44 (view)

Nose & Ear Hair Posted: 11/15/2009 2:06:57 PM
At 51, my guy had this and I was his "monkey mate" who groomed him. I enjoyed it and he looked fabulous.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Female hair loss Posted: 11/13/2009 9:05:46 PM
Have you had your thyroid function checked? First sign of thyroid dysfunction is hair loss.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 64 (view)

I don't care that he did, but WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIE? Posted: 11/13/2009 8:44:34 PM
I think on-line access to dating and maybe just a better one around the corner is addicting. I met my last beau on-line and left him for this very reason (after a five year, what I thought was wonderful relationship). He lied, denied and even blamed when caught. And they do this because it's wrong, it's creepy, it's dishonest and the act highlights substandard character. Your "great guy" is not that great and he knows it. It's time that you realized that he is not that great.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

What Would You Do? Trying to Make sense of the Ex Factor... Posted: 11/13/2009 8:33:16 PM
The one exception for me is Lil Brooker’s suggestion to send a cactus..... In my mind, in this situation, the cactus just seems to send the wrong symbolic message….. Aren’t they kind of prickly things? It would be injecting a bit of humour into their past. How about an arrangement with roses, forget-me-nots and cactus?

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

being ignored Posted: 11/13/2009 8:25:44 PM
I think the term for his behaviour is called "passive-agressive". It's a silent rage and quite sick. There is no way to solve a problem when one partner shuts down. If you don't want to deal with this for the rest of your life, I'd give him an ultimatum and be prepared to follow through. Expect him, as an adult, to discuss issues with you. Make it a "must". I doubt that he can change, though. It is his established way of dealing. Sorry.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 90 (view)

abusive relationship Posted: 11/13/2009 8:08:07 PM
edit: Already replied to this thread and just repeated myself! Brain fog!

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

What Would You Do? Trying to Make sense of the Ex Factor... Posted: 11/13/2009 8:04:51 PM
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Yes, contact him but keep it simple. No lengthy apologies at this time. Just a sweet note that you still think of him and would he be your guest for dinner. Maybe accompany the note with flowers or a cactus???

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 86 (view)

Dating a person with mental illness scare u? Posted: 11/13/2009 12:54:26 PM
Been there, done that. I don't want to do it again. I would rather live alone than adopt a project or operate with bewilderment. The mentally ill have access to a lot of newbies who haven't been on the roller coaster ride. I wish them well, but not at my expense.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 77 (view)

What do you make of this? Is this BPD? Posted: 11/9/2009 10:49:42 PM
Wow! I should have known you all would post such advice. "Move on, "drop him"... etc.-- is always the answer here. Apologies. I am one of many on this thread who suggested that you drop this guy because he sounds like a recipe for a bad long term relationship. On second thought you should stick by him. So what if he doesn't want to call you back or communicate with you? He's got more important things to deal with than you. So what if he has a fragile ego? You could learn to become more careful with your words and actions. Also, you can learn to refine your skills in apologizing. OP, I actually think you can thrive in this relationship. He is sick and you just might be the one, by demonstrations of self-sacrifice, to show him that he can return to the wonderful guy he was in the first three months of bliss.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Has your Adult ADD ruined/sabotaged relationships? Posted: 11/9/2009 10:07:22 PM
Just like a man in a wheelchair can't change his situation, I can't seem to change what I am, because of the ADD/Hyperactivity. Like a man in a wheelchair, you can learn skills which can overide some of your disability. My youngest daughter is ADHD. Luckily, it was recognized when she was young and she had one committed parent. With a lot of work, she learned coping mechanisms for her deficit. Today, she is an amazing, talented young woman who is making a name for herself in her profession. You've arrived at the diagnosis late, but that doesn't mean that you can't learn ways to improve your outlook and relationship skills. The first thing I'd recommend is the book "Driven to Distraction" by Dr. Hallowell and Dr. Ratey. Dr. H learned , like you, that he was ADD in adulthood. The book is about adult Attention Deficit Disorder and it is very compassionate. The second thing I'd recommend is finding a good psychologist who is trained in adult ADD. The third, is to not dismiss medication. That was the biggest mistake I made with my daughter. I refused medication for her because because I was not going to drug my child. Her education and social life became really bad before I agreed to try Ritalin. It was an important crutch (but not the only one) that helped her learn to walk. At 23, she no longer takes it. She is gaining success in the performing arts and has recently had a front page spread in the Winnipeg Free Press. If you are not willing to address your own problems and take the steps to heal them, you should not expect others to do it for you. You were dealt a difficult hand. Your choice is to either fix the problem (you can do it) or avoid intimate relationships. An ADD/ADHD person without medication, self awareness or psychological guidance is an impossible partner - as you have probably already experienced.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

Anyone ever use coconut oil? Posted: 11/9/2009 8:39:14 PM
I'm hypothyroid (after radioactive iodine treatment). Coconut oil is a part of my life - but not internally. I rub a bit into just shampooed wet hair and use it on my skin, both of which are dry. Wonderful stuff!

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 62 (view)

What ever happened to Dating Around? Posted: 11/9/2009 8:05:42 PM
What ever happened to dating around? Heck! I'd be lucky to find one person to date. My age, my area and availability do not accomodate "dating around". Lovely concept, though. It worked in high school, university and twenty something's single city life. Farceur Dating around became sleeping around. No kidding! Look at all the threads on "third date sex" expectations. How can we date around, fulfill the third date sex thing and not feel a gypped prostitute? In my era of dating around, sexual put-out rules were much different.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 226 (view)

Shaving or trimming your privates at our age? Posted: 11/9/2009 7:54:50 PM
In 1991, I had a girfriend who solved the problem of split ends. She was the ex GF of a world famous blues guitar player named Eric Name dropper! The subtle suggestion here is that if Clapton's gf would do you, you must be a hot commodity. What does Eric Clapton, or any other musician, have to do with a pubic hair discussion? Insert feeble self-promotion into a thread, what?

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 158 (view)

What's the upside to being over 50 and single Posted: 11/9/2009 7:41:30 PM
...For me, one of the upsides to being single is travel is so much more affordable for one... I find just the opposite, Maeflowers. Of course single fare is cheaper than two fares for simple airfare, but when considering Caribbean holidays, everything is set up for two in a room and there is a penalty for single occupancy. I love going to the DR and had been doing so with my partner. Now, to go alone, is much more expensive. Last year, I talked my business partner/girlfriend into going with me. It was interesting. Her highlights were going to mass and reading the bible on the beach. I think I'll stay in Cape Breton this winter.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

Why lunch or dinner? Posted: 11/9/2009 1:07:12 PM
Why? Because - Food is at the centre of most social gatherings. Think of the major holidays and family get togethers. Food is also soothing, emotional and sensual. However, your first date can be wherever you wanna make it. I prefer activities that allow for and evoke conversation.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 33 (view)

What do you make of this? Is this BPD? Posted: 11/9/2009 12:29:28 PM
OP I believe that I was in a relationship with a man who was BPD and in retrospect think that my exhusband before him was NPD. From your opening post, which is all I've read at this time, there is not enough info to claim that he is BPD. However, a label is irrelevant. He sounds like a poor partner. BPD or not, you cannot change him. The best you can do is decide if you want to live on his roller coaster ride.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Parents Visting and Dating... Posted: 11/8/2009 9:28:41 AM
Continue dating. Most women would admire a man who was as caring and family oriented as you.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 60 (view)

A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go? Posted: 11/8/2009 9:20:42 AM
OP Let her keep the keys but change the locks. I can't fathom why you love this lazy, crazy butt. I feel sorry for your kids that you exposed them to her. And then, the other part of me says, "This is only his side of the story" and it rings implausible. You make her sound like a terrible partner and yet you love her?

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 58 (view)

Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath?? Posted: 11/7/2009 10:21:04 PM
Meh. I doubt that any of you on this thread could detect a sociopath or his/her close cousin, an NPD, in the intitial throes of a relationship, because they are SKILLED at deception. First stage is you get wholly sucked in. Second stage is vague bewilderment. Third stage is crazy. Count your blessings if you have never encountered one. The experience is life altering.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 32 (view)

seriously need some help on helping my friend of 30 years Posted: 11/7/2009 9:53:47 PM
For her birthday, give her "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans. Other than that, there is not much you can do. This is her journey and her path of learning started long before you were her friend. My sister is in an abusive relationship and most often doesn't acknowledge it. I was in an abusive relationship and didn't know it for many, many years. A friend gave me that book and it was jaw dropping.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 45 (view)

He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned? Posted: 11/7/2009 9:39:23 PM
The lie is forgivable. He was over 40 and many of our searches on dating sites use a decade as a cut-off year. So, he made himself 38 to get under the "40" mark. However, pay attention to any other small lies that may surface and respond with the red flag waving.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 44 (view)

Starting a family aged 50+ Posted: 11/5/2009 11:06:17 AM
Love is enough. I know parents who are seniors and wonderful. I know adult children who were born of senior parents and lost them earlier than others, yet they have a rich experience to pass on. Personally, I was capable of bearing children in my early fifties and seriously considered it when I met what I thought was the love of my life (he desparately wanted children). In retrospect, I am so glad that I didn't honour his desires!

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 113 (view)

Shaving or trimming your privates at our age? Posted: 11/5/2009 10:49:10 AM
I aim to please. In my early fifties I fell in love with someone who requested "shaving". Despite the odd ingrown hair, I discovered that I really liked the hairless feel. It requires a lot of upkeep to avoid the irritation of stubble. Consequently, these days, I only trim. It's amazing that we share with strangers on the net what we wouldn't tell a close friend. I think the fashion was born out of the porn industry.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 106 (view)

What's the upside to being over 50 and single Posted: 11/3/2009 8:11:22 AM
Mid-50s and I've been single for almost 3 years. I'm not adjusting to singledom too well. Same here! I've been poo-pooing my circumstances, feeling very lonely and sorry for myself. However, recently other women's circumstances have embarassed me for my self pity and made me realise that I have many blessings to be thankful for despite this solo existence. One of my close friends (and business partner) is struggling with an alcoholic husband. He is completely self-destructing and she is falling apart over it. One of my beautiful cousins who has an idyllic marriage and life has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. I have many married friends with whom I wouldn't trade my present life for theirs. Better be prepared to not sleep in the same room when we have sleep overs etc. etc. wow! Different strokes for different folks! This is one thing I miss so much! Never mind same room, same bed, with a length of glorious body skin touching mine, a gentle hand draped over me, a shoulder to nestle my head into and some soft, shared laughter.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 47 (view)

Sex Frequency compatability question Posted: 11/2/2009 9:59:16 PM
All I would ask is to be "in the beginning" as you expect to be later on and on this I could base our compatibility. My last partner was amazing but somewhere in year three his drive completely waned. It was devastating and bewildering. Apparently it was his MO in all his previous relationships.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 71 (view)

What kind of guy do you want to marry? Posted: 11/2/2009 9:46:14 PM
I would want to marry a kind, sincere, generous (in all ways) "guy" who had the look in his eyes that I was the most beautiful woman in the room (and acted on it regularly).

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

What is the most effective way for a female to develop muscle? Posted: 11/1/2009 5:44:11 PM
OP Lift weights. If you have no gym nearby, you can do most everything with dumbells and "stretchy ropes" at home. One of the most inspiring books that I recommend is "Body for Life" by Bill Phillips. I've neglected weight lifting for over a year but previously spent years doing it. Like you, I had a tiny, shallow frame but in short time built pleasing, shapely mass. Before weights, one could count my vertebrae visually. In half a year, I developed muscle along my backbone which hid the vertebrae, sexy shoulders and thighs that my own daughters admired. Life happened and got in the way. I must get back to it! I'm getting a wussy body...

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 105 (view)

Astounded by the amt of perverts on here... Posted: 11/1/2009 5:12:53 PM
OP For the most part, the crude messages I've gotten have been from men in your age group. The majority of older men seem to show respect to women. I apologize for your generation. What happened?

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 111 (view)

Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons Posted: 11/1/2009 2:48:34 PM
I can't think of any pros of promiscuity. It poses a threat to one's emotional and one's physical health. Physically, you play Russian Roulette with life compromising VD's these days when rubbing privates. Emotionally, I tend to bond with sex as I think many other women do. Bonding with someone who treats you as merely another flavour in the candy box would be a HUGE letdown. Multiple sex partners before me? At my age, I've had many and I assume that a man my age would have had many also. I couldn't judge another while exonerating myself. Luckily, my wild years were before the Aids virus.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

Sitting solo on a scary Saturday (Halloween) Posted: 10/30/2009 7:25:32 PM
I live in the woods, too. Seriously. On Hallowe'en, I'm going to the local legion's masquerade incognito, alone. I intend to get first prize for my costume. I'll let you know if I win. In general, many holidays suck. Except this Christmas, both my daughters are coming home (with one almost son-in-law in tow) and I'm so looking forward to it! I ate candy for a year and still have some left. Laughing! I still have some of last year's candy left, too!

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 45 (view)

what do you do if you male date starts crying in bed Posted: 10/28/2009 10:43:47 PM
My impression from your post is that you are a cheap "kiss and tell". Woe to any man who might end up in bed with you; they will become your funny story on POF forums. I cried once. It was from intense regret and disappointment.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Girlfriend Moving Posted: 10/28/2009 9:41:29 PM
So how do I express to this girl over the next 2 months that I don't think that I want her to leave? I pretty much know that if she goes back north, that things probably won't last.. Only if you do, you say "I love you. Don't go." Reading between the lines: She's asked me about my opinion on whether she should move back after her internship is over. I think she loves you, too, and is needing some sort of declaration before making a life-altering decision. Sigh...why is declaring love, when you feel it, so foreboden? On the other hand, you can avoid feeling possible rejection and NEVER tell her how you feel and she can become a memory of something you once almost had.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 51 (view)

Best friend was hitting on your spouse. What would you do? Posted: 10/28/2009 9:16:26 PM
Depends. Once (say with alcohol involved), I'd let it slide hoping to respect your friendship with your buddy and handle it on my own. If the guy was persistent, I'd be telling you yesterday and expect you to realize that this guy is NOT your best friend. From my experiences, I believe that many men have weak allegiances when sex is involved.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 34 (view)

Caught between that rock and hard place Posted: 10/27/2009 1:01:27 PM
My thought, OP, is that you don't love her and that is the most important reason for two people to settle down with each other. Therefore, go on your intended trip. You should let her know sooner than later. If you discover, with absence, that you left a precious diamond, know that planes can fly home. Good luck.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 113 (view)

Wouldn't it be great... Posted: 10/26/2009 8:43:43 PM
if I fell in love and that person fell in love with me, too.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 35 (view)

Dating and Depression Posted: 10/26/2009 8:07:09 PM
VoininB I suggest you volunteer at a mental health organization. In Canada, we have Canadian Mental Health and it is active in many areas, including government policy. My ex bro in law was involved in it. You will meet a lot of people who are empathetic about mental health issues.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 70 (view)

How to build chemistry with the nice guy after always going for the bad boy? Posted: 10/26/2009 4:21:02 PM
Not Damasteel, but I'll answer this question: Can chemistry or attraction grow over time if it isn't there from the start? Most definitely! In fact the slow boil attraction ends up being the strongest and the truest. Men who suck you in with their character, heart and mind rather than their surface looks and swagger, will eventually become in your eyes the hottest male on earth. I think you may lack patience in relationships.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 67 (view)

How to build chemistry with the nice guy after always going for the bad boy? Posted: 10/26/2009 4:03:03 PM
How do I get past this need for the mega-man, bad boy thing? Entice him and show him a new world. You become the bad girl (but a nice bad girl, if you know what I mean).

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

I would like a few opinions on my situation - advice on how to proceed Posted: 10/26/2009 9:11:32 AM
There is no bi-polar disorder, no mental issues or schitzo behavior. There is another disorder not mentioned that is classic of her behaviour - BPD. "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" is a book you should read. She will continually leave you and then "hoover" you back in.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 35 (view)

my boyfriend asked me for money Posted: 10/26/2009 9:00:57 AM
One week does not equal a relationship and he is not your boyfriend. You don't even know each other yet. So, give him the money and think of something more earth shattering to post about. Lawd!

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 48 (view)

No orgasm: dealbreaker? Posted: 10/26/2009 8:49:34 AM
especially if there were other problems in the relationship? That's the kicker. Yes.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 38 (view)

Heart Strings Posted: 10/26/2009 8:45:17 AM
Reading "Bambi" out loud to my children when Bambi's mother was shot. They used to get me to read it just so, with fascination, they could watch me choke. They're all grown up now, but I'm sure if grandchildren come along and I read this story to them, the same thing will happen.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

what to do after a c-section anyone wants to help Posted: 10/25/2009 9:54:31 PM
I had a lot of complications after my first C-section, pneumonia being one of them. I think you should go back to the doctor pronto and get that cough looked after (and also the lingering pain from the failed epidural).

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

What are some of your experiences with herpes suppressants? Posted: 10/25/2009 9:46:15 PM
My daughter worked in the health food industry and claims that Lysine taken daily is a supplement that discourages viral outbreaks. Google it.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 34 (view)

Need some advice about lazy, going nowhere girlfriend Posted: 10/25/2009 9:18:36 PM
OP "The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain." Why not just let her be who she is and love her for that? If she doesn't suit you, find someone else who does...and try to pick someone who doesn't need improving with your guidance. Learning disabilities are extremely frustrating. Those with them usually have a long history of being publicly shamed in school. It takes a very special and trained teacher to deal with LD's. Maybe she will be happy being a nursing assistant for the rest of her life. I'll bet she gets a lot of on-the-job appreciation for what she does and who she is. My sister comes to mind. She works in a Veteran's Hospital. She LOVES her job and the patients love her (and she is LD without a highschool diploma).

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 98 (view)

This place is off limits Posted: 10/24/2009 7:01:18 PM
Actually, I'm hard pressed to figure out anything that is off-limits to me in a relationship. If I need alone time, I would just request it and expect it to be honoured. It would be set on my mood and not some "rule".

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

He's just not that interested Posted: 10/24/2009 6:51:43 PM
Oh God! You need "closure" after one date? That's not female; that's weird. What did you do? From your story, I assume that he didn't like you after a few conversations. As you conclude, move on.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 117 (view)

A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do? Posted: 10/24/2009 6:28:23 PM
OP I would look him straight in the face, in the company of other employees and tell him how distasteful his desires are. And then, I would tell your black employee to NEVER go out with this guy should he ever ask her.

Lil Brooker

Joined: 6/17/2008

Msg: 39 (view)

Women and Children First Posted: 10/24/2009 6:17:15 PM
Dear Justin, If you date women with children, do not insinuate yourself into their lives until and if you know that you want their Mommy to have a permanent place in yours. Problem solved! In simpler words, avoid establishing a relationship with your date's children until you believe that you are committed to a full time relationship with their Mom.

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