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Thread: Dating a Single Mother - Advice

Joined: 6/19/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

Dating a Single Mother - Advice Posted: 11/22/2009 6:43:18 PM
First of all I'd like to thank you all for taking the time to respond with so much careful consideration and detail, it's a genuine pleasure to read your posts. Sorry I've not responded sooner, sadly I wasn't in a bar as suggested, but rather trying to get a submission in on time. A few people thought (understandably considering the site) that I didn't know her. In fact it's not a POF match, I've known her for a while which I think may change a few perspectives on the matter. I'm sorry that my post led to some animosity, I understand what you're all saying and I appreciate that this can be a sensitive subject. Hannity, thanks for the advice, whilst it doesn't sit well with me personally I understand the point you where making. I think the offence taken was more to do with the tone of your original post. He already know all he needs to now to not get involved and why it would be a hassle to do so. In this instance I would have to say that I strongly disagree. I don't see it as any kind of social handicap, just a different situation to my own. As far as her ex is concerned bad things happen and people change, I haven't pried into the background of her breakup too much (mood killer!) so I wouldn't like to speculate as to why he left. In my opinion he was a fool and bas***d to do such a thing, especially to his child, but even if it was more complicated (these things usually are) then who am I to judge - as a species none of us are without sin so I take her as she is. Some of the other posters reiterated back some of the aforementioned fears and I honestly couldn't give a conclusive answer off the bat but I don't believe it's in any way insurmountable should we really have a strong connection. I'm defiantly taking her up on her offer and I'll see how it goes. If things do develop and I still have fears that communication can't assuage then I'll do the right thing. I'll be sensitive to her and her childs situation but I won't let it put me off, it's rare that my chest thumps around someone and I can't ignore that. Overall I'm going to relax about it, go on a few dates with her and consider things when I know more.

Joined: 6/19/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Dating a Single Mother - Advice Posted: 11/18/2009 7:29:06 PM
Hello one and all, I know this topic slightly overlaps with previous ones but those are mostly from the point of view of why men DON'T date single mothers, whereas mine is about ACTUALLY dating single mothers (well one in particular lol!). I've been asked out by a stunningly beautiful, cool and funny woman of the same age (26), I wouldn't normally think about it for a minute but I've had to stop and consider it due to her circumstances. I'm not of the school of thought that would condemn anyone for having a child out of wedlock, especially in this case whereby she had a scumbag wimp who legged it, so that's not an issue at all. In a way I find her strength of character, bravery and morality all the more attractive. She's a fierce woman who fights for the ones she loves, which is the kind of woman I like. I'm at transitory stage in my life, finding my feet in one of the toughest industries and getting my head together. In contrast she's settled in a comfortable job, living in the suburbs with her son (who is her life, quite rightly!). I don't normally think too far ahead and just enjoy a woman's company but something tells me I need to think about this one a little more seriously before I meet up with her. What I'm wondering about is the differences between dating the average twenty-something foot loose and fancy free woman and a dating woman who has such a massive commitment in her life. I'm not a man-child, insecure or desperate for attention but if I start dating her (and we both already know that we like each other) then won't I have to get used to always playing second fiddle for her emotions? In an ideal world a couple will become infatuated with each other long before they have children, and having those children together will bring them even closer. So how does it work the other way around? She openly told me that she wanted a man who would adore her totally, a perfectly reasonable request if you ask me, but I worry that I wouldn't receive the same back and that there wouldn't be any 'honeymoon' period. I can't see myself being jealous of her son, I'm not a petty kind of person and I love children, but I can imagine being frustrated at the lack of time I get to see her - I've had to call off dating women whose careers are too full on for the same reason. She's already had to rearrange twice because of commitments related to her son. I love spontaneity but I appreciate that is an impossibility with a single mum who has so many balls in the air. Does this mean the courting period is far longer with single mothers because you don't see as much of each other (by much I mean purely 1 on 1 time)? Can this be worked around? However on the flip side I know single mothers have been through the whole dating hoopla before so is dating one a shorter process? It may seem like I'm getting ahead of myself but that's only because the last thing I would want to do is make her invest in me and then bail on her because I realised I wasn't ready, she's lovely and the last thing she needs is more of that. Finally any other advice on how I can be sensitive to her and her situation? Are there any faux pas men commit when dating single mums that I can sidestep? She doesn't need any more hurt in her life and as much as I like her I'd regrettably step aside if I'm ever at risk of contributing to that, or even worse hurting her son through attachment. Would I be better leaving her to find a single father whose life is in the same place? Any thoughts would be really great, Thanks

Joined: 6/19/2008

Msg: 1128 (view)

PICS: Profile Image Problems / Instructions to Upload Posted: 9/28/2008 4:01:00 PM
Exactly the same problem, select the image, under a meg, content is fine yet it won't upload, it's really annoying. Whatever the picture I'm just not able to upload any pics?!?! It looks like it's loading yet it keeps reverting to same upload screen. HELP!

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