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 Author Thread: What life is like after a parent dies
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 42 (view)
 
What life is like after a parent dies
Posted: 12/31/2010 11:56:14 PM
btw, I will also add as someone mentioned that your mom's spirit is around you, and this is true. Since you have been very close with her, she is probably guiding you and helping your through this journey. 'Invisible is always more present than visible'
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 41 (view)
 
What life is like after a parent dies
Posted: 12/31/2010 11:34:17 PM
OP, I read some of the responses, and agree with people who say we all grieve differently. There is really nothing written out there, that says you have to do it this way, and this applies to some of the responses that claim, you just simply must move on. When the person 'dies' it doesn't mean, we have to move on, and 'accept' it, and forget them over time. Just because they left this dimension, doesn't mean they don't exist; quite contrary we can continue having a relationship with them, but it changes. I think Einstein even said that the energy is never lost, and remember love never stops; love is forever. Since you were very close with your mom, it hurts, of course. However, it takes some time to do some sorting out. "Nothing lasts forever, no one lives forever, keep that in mind and love." (Rumi) Perhaps there are other things that bother you when your mom passed; she is at peace now. I would suggest some counselling for you, so you can work through some emotions. I think it's when we cling to a form, to our body, this is where the suffering comes from. But we are not this body. We are not destined to be in this form forever, and I think Death is somewhat hidden from Western Society. Peace and light.

"Birth and death are not two different states, but they are different aspects of the same state. There is as little reason to deplore the one as there is to be pleased over the other." Mahatma Gandi
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 43 (view)
 
blamed for something I did not do
Posted: 12/31/2009 11:49:37 PM
Basically OP, you will confront your situation when you are ready. I find typical on forums to hear remarks like, 'do as I say' and 'do it now'...it's really ridiculous and insulting your intelligence, but don't expect too much on forums. These people are perfect!

On the other note, I suggest some counselling you need more encouragement and more light to see your whole situation, you were in it for 13 years or so, it's not likely you will be dealing with it in the next couple of days, and you need more understanding why you are in this situation. People do to us what we allow them to do...so now pick up your pieces and begin the healing journey, it will take some time.

message 30, this is worth repeating:

This guy just wants you around so he can insult you and manipulate your self esteem...it makes him feel good....


You may not see it this way, but by the sound of your story, this is exactly what is going on.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Fitting into his world??
Posted: 12/30/2009 4:44:46 PM
It does sound like you maybe worried in advance, which I think is not necessary. But there are always going to be some issues and things to work on, that may make us feel uncomfortable. Go with the flow....I love latino men, I wouldn't mind picking up some Spanish.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 53 (view)
 
GALS, Am I reading this wrong? (probs with GF's daughter)
Posted: 12/30/2009 12:30:36 PM
carolann38

Her 17 year old just had a baby? Shes now a single 'Grand' mother and probably has a lot of worries about her daughter and grandchild's future. Her sore stomach may be ulcers worrying about paying her bills or pure stress. She is probably keeping you at arms length because she has little time in her life for romance. Leaving early? Do you remember how many times a night an infant wakes up? She probably has not had a good nights sleep in months


All you said, maybe true...however, one needs to consider everyone involved. If the relationship is not satisfactory then it isn't. Sometimes there is no room for romance in our lives, due to circumstances. However, I would not be so presumptuous, as to why he gets so little time with the person. Whatever this is, one cannot feel sorry but take care of oneself. OP, still is a man and wants a quality life, if he doesn't spend the time with this woman due to her situation with the daughter, then there isn't a relationship, either....that's all he is debating. He wants more, and she can't offer it. Pretty simple.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 113 (view)
 
DO WHAT I SAY...OR ELSE
Posted: 12/30/2009 2:20:37 AM
wow, 5 pages of thread already...

I thought that was rather 'funny' question that you had to ask, and you are mature woman of 40....it's kinda obvious we want partners, but it does not mean our choices will be theirs, it's always about some compromise when it comes to a relationship. But if you feel that that you are mostly dictated what to do, then obviously they are not respecting your wishes. Something wrong with this picture, too...control freaks?
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 111 (view)
 
Do matching horoscopes matter
Posted: 12/30/2009 2:09:04 AM
There is something to it, but I don't get hang up on it. One thing is certain, if you experience attraction, then you naturally want to get to know the person. But it doesn't happen like this: oh, he/she is an Aries, so we don't get along, or they cancer, I should get to know them....blah, blah.... astrology can be fun, but not the newspaper version, but rather an in depth study, which I don't know much about, but there are people who do.

having said that, I find this meaningless nevertheless... because we are always with people that we are suppose to be with for learning experiences.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Is this guy nuts??
Posted: 12/30/2009 2:00:06 AM
I didn't go through all the comments, but it sounds like 'verbal abuse', which is what characterizes controlling freaks. After that, you experience this foggy thinking, and doubting yourself, sounds familiar, doesn't it? Yes, I know...do search under threads, with 'gaslighting' in it, lots of been written on this topic.

Just because you care, it does not mean they change, it only gets worse with the time passing. You will be dealing with more trees the deeper you go into this forest. Find your way out, the sooner the better.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/30/2009 1:48:27 AM
oh dear, do people read what OP says? It's clear to me, nothing confusing about it.
MZTaken, boys are his, she stated a couple of times.

Now, OP, it's a hard call...why out of a sudden after number of years he wants you back. There are few things to consider, the cheating part. There are so called people with sexual addictions, it's not any different than alcohol or drugs,..., so you need to consider this, and also if it was one time thing, people do make mistakes, that's slightly different, but he had lots time - 13 years - to explain himself and come up with the plan,... why now?

Allow your feelings, but also be cautious...see how you feel with the time passing. You may change your mind about being together with him, he sounds too inconsistent to me, but I don't know him well to pass more judgement.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
blamed for something I did not do
Posted: 12/30/2009 1:38:35 AM
lilypie, it's time to take your power back and open yourself to some opportunities. Your 'relationship' sounds abusive to me, and he is putting you down, it's not something you would hear from someone who loves you and respects you. 14 years is plenty of time to get to know another. I know of those connections, my girlfriend was in it, with a man for 10 years, very similar to your situation, she wanted to be a couple, but he wanted the cake and eat it, too...everything, only on his terms. I couldn't listen to her complains as it was ongoing, never anything different. I told her to cut it, but it kept going. One day she traveled to her daughter's wedding, she saw genuine love there, after that experience, she was able to go back to a her place, and just cut it all, the connection of 10 years, and never looked back. This was almost 7 years ago, she is much happier woman now.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 34 (view)
 
GALS, Am I reading this wrong?
Posted: 12/30/2009 12:55:55 AM
Listen to your guts, it doesn't feel good, and it sounds really odd to me that she spends so little time with you. It would be totally unsatisfactory to me to spend a couple of hours only, with no other full engagement, and over the weekend you get 'cold treatment'...sorry but according to my standards it's hardly a relationship, but lots of talking. Either confront her and talk about your own feeling, but don't put up with it. The bottom line, you are not happy with such 'arrangement' and you should not be. Obviously this is not working, it will either fall apart in time, you spend more time alone that with her, do I need to say more?
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
ex girlfriend is preggo
Posted: 11/28/2009 3:14:48 AM
~OP, most of the users here see life in black and white, at least this is my own experience, and there is no room for errors.
So, if you are genuinely looking for advice don't ask serious questions on forums. Forums are really for entertainment, but they don't offer any professional advice.

You say you love her, no one heard you though...we make mistakes in life, this is how we grow as humans. Talk to a professional about it, a counsellor, to help you out. It's a tough job to bring a child, whether it's yours or not, and it takes lots responsibility. You must ask yourself if you are ready for it, or otherwise you will be resenting her for the rest of your life. Sometimes, love is not enough...ask yourself some hard questions.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Seperated,deffinatly getting divoriced ,but still having sex
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:30:13 PM
I hear lots of people talking about hating their ex's guts and that's main reason they don't even think about sex with them. Completely understood. It's obvious. A lot of times, relationships fall apart, but it does not mean there is hate, it's just that your journey with them ends here. When something ends, there is an adjustment period, and some people still feel drawn to each other, I never see how everything on forums must be black and white, and there is no room for gray area, it is confusing time. Ahh, poofers are so perfect, I could not live up to your graciousness.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 49 (view)
 
caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:25:23 PM
some men are saying that it is just harmless fun and the problem is with you, not your husband.

I hope you can keep your senses and listen to your intuition. Those who give you this kind of advice are not worth listening, mainly because they fail to see someone's betrayal is not victim's responsibility. We don't have control what others do behind our backs, but only hope and believe they love and care for us. As you already know by now, there is an issue with your fiance, I would not put up with it. Talking to someone over the internet, in sexual way is crossing boundaries. They may insist it's innocent, it's unlikely they will form any deeper connection with this person, but it's the fact that they are emotionally engaging themselves with strangers, especially that they have someone at home who loves and cares about them. Major red flag. I would know very well what to do next. I would end the relationship with such person, nothing could stop me. Good luck!
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Seperated,deffinatly getting divoriced ,but still having sex
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:29:46 PM
Well, it actually is not that uncommon, especially if it was long term relationship. There is familiarity and still a great deal of care for the other person. Just because two people decided the relationship has to come to an end, they are still entangled in emotional turmoil, you don't stop having feelings immediately. It's really confusing time but it indicates these two still need time to disentangle from each other. I would not date anyone in this situation, it's all too fresh for them.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 91 (view)
 
What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:42:05 PM
Belle Lass, all is cool...no worries, we are discussing the subject. That's the way it goes.
you said:

So many people blame "marriage" for their misfortune in love. It is not the marriage, it is the people who couldn't keep their promises to each other.


It's human nature to blame and point fingers, so they don't assume their responsibility. In reality, it's isn't fault of anyone that the promise is broken, it's just is what it is. People promise things to each other, but this does not mean forever. Commitments need to be revised at some point, things and circumstances change. It happens all the time. We don't have control over certain events in life, and it's up to us how we choose to respond. We can keep blaming the other person for breaking the promise and remain bitter for the rest of our lives. Have seen those so called victims. But victim does not realize they are choosing to be stuck. So, if people cannot keep their promises, and need to revise them, or change them completely, it's their right.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 89 (view)
 
What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:34:02 PM

Actually, marriage has nothing to do with "being able to provide for myself" or to being "financially independent"....unless you want that as your platform. Then you have to deal with accounting all of the time in your relationship/marriage and there is no unconditional love in your marriage. It has all sorts of conditions. Then, I have to ask you...are you really in love?


For many women (and I know them personally) marriage is about certain amount of security. Many women want to marry because they want men to provide for them. In my paragraph I said I don't want to marry for those reasons. Read carefully, no interrogation, why I do what I do, I don't explain anything to anyone. This is my business, and it is a business of other women to do what they please. There is no manual written you have to do it this way.


Marriage is the exchange of vows that a man and a woman make to promise each other that they will love, honor, cherish each other in sickness and in health. To be exclusive only to each other sexually....and anything else they want to put in there.
You can write whatever vows that you want.


Like the other poster mentioned, you don't need marriage certificate to have all that above. Because first of all, marriage does not guarantee this, because no one can guarantee that. It's only a formal expression of being present in the moment. But this kind of commitment can change, and is also a reason why I don't put too much value in marriage, unless.... I have gone with them on a very long journey, and ate one kilograms of bread and a bag of salt. It's an expression - that I have experienced trials and tribulations with them.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 91 (view)
 
Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 11/3/2009 12:51:37 AM
E-mailing back and forth, and talking to a number of strangers at the same time is what this dating online is about. You asked him if he was dating, he said 'NO', maybe in his mind he was not dating, meeting someone over a cup of coffee to get to know them, I don't consider dating. However, it is a sensitive subject, and given your circumstances with your friend finding out both were chatting to him at the same time, can be awkward, nevertheless. I would not be too quick to label him with 'players' but dating is a tough game.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 75 (view)
 
What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 12:34:08 AM
Gwendolyn 2009, said:


And au contraire, I know older women whose goal in life is to find a man who will marry them--I am friends with a few. They are still brainwashed into thinking that they are not complete without a husband. Sometimes, age does not lend wisdom. However, I do think that they will, and are, becoming fewer.

Sadly, but this is very true. Many older women feel exactly that, they are not complete without a man and precisely marriage. This type of thinking has little to do with age, but it is a belief that shaped them since they were little girls. A friend of mine, now sixty just got married for the forth time last year. Being around her and listening to her for any length of time can be nauseating. But, she is entitled to live her life the way she wants it, it's that imposing her beliefs on other women is what I don't appreciate. I just don't see any point of keeping marrying for the sake of being married...how many times???

For me personally, marriage is really outdated. I love to be able to provide for myself, have my own money, career goals, passion and whatever else, I would only marry a man if I feel we are together as one, ... all other connections, sexual attraction etc. is not a deciding factor in our union, these are short lived.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 56 (view)
 
Does online dating make your life easier?
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:28:44 PM
sooner or later you will find out for yourself what online dating is like. I believe we have to have our own experiences. Someone can share their own experiences but ultimately you are the one who is going to learn about it from actually tasting it. I may advise you against something, but you may want to go for it at the time, and learn your own lesson, ignoring my sound advice. This is hypothetical situation, of course.

My one suggestion to you is to treat online dating as one of many other dating sources, don't treat online as one ans only way of meeting people. Also, you may hear some very good suggestions from more eloquent users, or it sounds like they have it all figured it out. Yes, you can learn a lot about the other person from corresponding and talking to them, and get some glimpses into their lives. I have found out, that online allows people to 'hide' certain things, and I would learn about them much, much later...when I already have fallen in love with them. So, just watch out...I am opening up slowly to online dating again, but don't seem to be too enthusiastic about it. I think meeting people in real life is more suitable for me at this point.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 41 (view)
 
he took me for granted...too long...I said its over...will he think?
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:50:30 PM
~OP, I am not a therapist, so I am not going to give you any diagnosis. First, I want to congratulate you for making a stop to this insanity.

And yes the fact that he was selfish played into it, and hardly worked was another. i kissed his ass and he took it forgranted. it got old running to get him things when he didnt return the favor. I know its part my fault for spoiling him I have tried to talk to him before but everytime things just went back to normal.

Based on what you have described here, I think you know already what you are doing, and finally got tired of making a doormat of yourself. You recognized that, it does not feel good when we don't honour ourselves, first. But we are so addicted to the feeling of love, that we would just do anything to have it, kiss his ass, wipe his filth of the floor, just anything so we can feel love, beg for love.

Well, you see in reality, love does not beg. It takes TWO people to make it work, not one. By the sound of it, he only is around if you go on your knees, otherwise he does not stand up to his own plate. If I was going to offer you any suggestion, I would say you qualify to be 'A woman who loves too much'. I suggest some reading for you. You say you love him and miss him, but in reality he does not treat you with love.

Read this; does it ring a bell?

Women Who Love Too Much

BOOK DESCRIPTION
This is the world-renowned, inspiring, practical program for women who believe that being in love means being in pain. Based on the multi-million-copy bestseller, Women Who Love Too Much presents a clear, comprehensive, 10-point recovery plan for women who are addicted to the wrong men for the wrong reasons. Among the vital lessons you will learn in this program are: How the search for the love you never got from your parents can become a crushing obsession in adulthood. How to change from loving someone so much it hurts, to loving yourself enough to stop the pain. How to free yourself from destructive loving and build a healthy, meaningful relationship. This step-by-step self-awareness program offers help, understanding and, above all, hope -- the pathway to making love the truly happy event it is supposed to be. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

About the Author
Robin Norwood, a former marriage, family and child therapist specializing in the treatment of chemical dependency and codependency, is also the author of Letters from Women Who Love Too Much and Why Me, Why This, Why Now. Ms. Norwood lives in Santa Barbara, California. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

http://womenwholovetoomuch.com/
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 36 (view)
 
How far before you cross the line?
Posted: 11/1/2009 10:29:51 AM
It's a fine line in your heart, you know 'when'
Besides, what is 'cheating'? It's an indication there is a problem in your current relationship, or that your current relationship is already in jeopardy. Cheating is not a real problem, but only indication your current relationship may already be dead, or its heading that way.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
11 years without a serious realtionship...............
Posted: 11/1/2009 8:58:08 AM

Does that prove i am not capable of a relationship?

No, I don't personally think it proves anything. I think that it takes a lifetime to meet that person, that both of you feel you are meant for each other. It's rather a myth to think it's easy to meet that special one, and we only get disillusioned as we grow older, realizing it's not a simple task. Relationships are the hardest things in life, just my opinion. They serve us as learning vehicle, to learn to love, to forgive to be compassionate, to challenge us, this is what they are for.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:47:50 PM
I never really understood why people are interested in finding out why others find things fascinating to them. I also hear a tone of condoning such attraction. Well, it is what it is. Some people have a need for certain amount of drama in life in order to feel alive. Does it help?
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 49 (view)
 
He's just not that interested
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:28:26 PM
OP, it's not an advice to us woman, it's rather a runt. What's your advice here? Really, I am clueless.

Obviously, something really bothered you, so you had to open a thread, about what?

Gathering your story, you invited a stranger to your house, and after few exchanges you don't hear from him, what happened here? Scratching my head, where is this emoticon.

Really, simply ... move on, and don't invite strangers to your house for overnight, that's just simple as that.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 141 (view)
 
Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:08:08 PM
OP:

Just wondering if relationships, online dating, POF, or just trying to date in general has made you bitter about life


Bitter about life? No
Disillusioned about online dating? Yes
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
How to prevent THIS type of hurt?
Posted: 10/31/2009 6:42:19 PM
~OP, I have not figured out that one yet, but I agree with other posters above, that it's all about taking risks in life and having those coping mechanisms in place, just in case... One thing, I know for sure, I don't allow myself to completely get lost in a new relationship, so maybe that's my way of 'playing along'. I just can't take anything too seriously, too soon, even if there is sex involved. But that's just me. It's not that I am cold emotionally, but I have learned that no matter how good things look at the beginning, I don't fall for it, until I eat with them a bag of bread and one kilogram of salt, in other words, I have gone through them through purgatory and hell, and if I am back and alive still with them, then we have a chance. There is not shortcuts.
 la Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 132 (view)
 
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 9/19/2009 9:15:51 PM

So the question is, in a relationship, what does the lady do in return for been shown a lot of "chivalry"? Is it just a thank you?


a bottle of your favourite booze, and some coupons for free shopping at your favourite grocery store. I hope you are satisfied.


In these days of non-gender specific roles, I am finding it hard to point to anything.


North America is really lost and there is not hope in understanding 'chivalry'. It's dead, especially if you gentleman expect something in return. It must be worth it, huh? Nothings is free.

re: your quote however, referring to 'non-gender' roles....in romance, you are still a man, and she is still a woman....so go figure.

Emancipation of woman, brought freedom to us, so we have our own money in the bank account, and know what to do if we need to do oil change, but in romance we are still woman. This is very hard to understand, I know.
 la Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 252 (view)
 
Goodbye Michael Jackson..................
Posted: 9/18/2009 1:44:37 AM

Yeah me too! Innocent people DO NOT settle out of court especially to the tune of 22 million dollars. There's no doubt that he was talented but he ruined his career and reputation with his crazy behaviour. If he really was guilty it just proves that rich people can get away with anything, money truly is the root of all evil (along with politics and religion but thats another issue


He settled for cash, only because he wanted the whole nightmare to go away. Initially he was against paying anything, but when the nightmare was dragging along, his lawyers advised him it's in his best interest. 'Screw' what public was thinking about it, was also advise to him from Lisa Marie Presley...they wanted to move on.

Of course, this notion pretty much reamains the same till today, it was his choice and that's that and it does not prove anything. One must be naive to think life is 'black and white'
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Dealing with Conflict in a Relationship - What Would You Add?
Posted: 7/19/2009 4:19:10 PM
There are always going to be conflicts in the relationships. This does not mean one partner is right, the other is wrong, but it's because we are two differernt individuals and think differently. Since we are not going to agree on everything, I would add to this list to keep being open-minded. Listen to the other point of view, be considerate and learn to negotiate. I think we are negotiators in life, including a relationship. There is something that we want to have in our lives, so it's important to speak up.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 237 (view)
 
Goodbye Michael Jackson..................
Posted: 7/19/2009 8:17:17 AM
secial lady28 ^^^^^

Thank You for this beautiful post! That's all I would have to say. All I am going to add, is that despite of injustice, lies and hatred in this world, he was the most forgiving person, and just went on loving. Yesterday, I lave learnt from one of his interviews, that he was so mishandled by the police, beaten up, and when they tied this hands with handcuffs, they put his arms in impossible position, and as a result dislocated his shoulders, he endured pain since then, and since then he was not able to move his shoulders as freely as he was before, and not able to sleep at night because of pain. I haven't mention the humiliation he went through being locked up in the washroom for 45 minutes, and ridiculed if 'the smell was good enough for him', and all he said 'it's OK, it's OK' in most humble voice. In the unreleased song yet; 'take me to a place with no name', he sings about his desire of being taken to a place without no pain. Rest in peace Michael, will love you forever, just too sad I have not learnt the whole truth about you when you were among us. ~La Gioconda
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 225 (view)
 
Good bye Michael Jackson......
Posted: 7/17/2009 2:14:19 PM
Balboa, You keep repeating yourself like a parrot about child molestation. In meantime, MJ was cleared of the charges, thousands hate him, millions will love him for ever. Btw, I was never his fan, either...you got this wrong. I started researching his work and documentaries and drew my own conclusions. I won't be engaging in 'vicious circle' conversations. I have said enough.

I wonder what it was about MJ that despite of criticism, accusations and hatred, millions were drawn to him like 'moth to light'. I wonder, what was it about him, what sort of force that millions could not help themselves in his presence, cause of the energy his exhumed. People could not help themselves in his presence. Only Charismatic personalities have this kind of force, not child molester. Ever wondered, he didn't have a normal life either, not being able to go to a public place, to a grocery store, nono of it.

People can do all sort of nasty things to each other, but no one can prevent anyone from thinking, using their brain and draw their own conclusion. ~La Gioconda
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 222 (view)
 
Good bye Michael Jackson......
Posted: 7/17/2009 6:26:42 AM
crs1234, he did pay to the family, because he didn't want to drag the case, and this is precisely what the family wanted, his money. Ever asked yourself, why did they accept the money????.... or, they just wanted to see him guilty?

Its not about me wanting to see MJ innocent, but those allegations against him simply do not make sense. You choose to believe what media propagades, then it's your choice. I see his flaw in opening too much to the family who simply used him and abused him. As if he would invite those children openly to molest them? In my opinion, he was naive in thinking that this world is as innocent as he is. End of story and period.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 218 (view)
 
Good bye Michael Jackson......
Posted: 7/17/2009 12:03:00 AM
crs1234:


although death is a good second prize for us who do realize the truth.


Death is part of life, it has never been separate from it, just like birth is part of life, too. We enter the world, go through it and then exit it. Are you hallucinating? Are you saying at the time of your own death, you are actually being punished?


Look at him. His entire family is messed up and he did his house up to attract children and he was the only grown up aloud in.


What is normal? Normal is someone you do not know very well.


He didn't write any of his music on his own, and whoever was helping must have stopped about 15 years ago because he has done nothing since.

as a matter of fact he did write his own music and lyrics. And you are too ignorant to learn that he was not a boy toucher, either. Instead, you are fuming with anger and call everyone idiot who does not agree with you. You sound like lunatic, people like you simple scare me.

...and CRG, you are a manipuater by changing the subject of the thread in the message 228, too. Yes, I noticed it.


 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 214 (view)
 
Goodbye Michael Jackson..................
Posted: 7/16/2009 7:25:05 PM
MungoDave, message 178:


I'd like to share my 2 cents. This is my opinion. It seems that,in our society,the more success a person acheives,the more they are brought down by slander and unfounded rumors. Being a society that seems to thrive on scandle,too many people jump on the bandwagon as if it were a witch hunt.


Of course, you hit the head in the nail, with this statement. The more successful person is, the bigger the target. We are not living in the normal world, this world is full of greed, and fear and suffering. Anyone with such impact on people as M Jackson will stir strong emotions, will challenge the other. MJ message was Love, cause he saw the world unbalance.

It's not hard to see, take a look around what's going on in the whole world. Is there Peace, and Love?? Is the world well balanced? No, of course not. MJ spread the Love accross the world, and his impact was huge, there were those among us, who got scared, and tried to bring him down with false accussations.

We prefer eat donuts, drinking coffee and entertain ourselves with mindless tabloids, and judge harshly. In meantime, Jackson was creating amazing music, touched so many, impacted other lives with humanitarian work, saved a dying kid by finding a liver that was a match, saved another kid from dying due to cancer, and then was accused by his parents of molestation. Please, get a grip.

But if you truly listen to his songs, music and his own commentary on constant harrassments from media etc, countless interviews, he is pure innocence.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 212 (view)
 
Goodbye Michael Jackson..................
Posted: 7/16/2009 6:15:05 PM

Please tell me we aren't comparing MJ to Jesus now!

I never said you were comparing MJ to Jesus, but I was in my last statement. Michael often was making reference to the work of Jesus, and that he, himself - Michael- was trying to be like him, not God, but God like in his actions.


La Gioconda, you're an elegant writer but you don't really think you know a musican's inner self from his lyrics do you?

Thank you for your kind comments about my writing. Any great, original and genuine artist treats his work as a medium of the message. His work, his music and the lyrics are often a reflection of what one feels inside. It's the same with other art forms, an artist communicates his thoughts and ideas through his art. Certainly, you have to look at a bigger picture, some work is less serious that the other, one needs to look at a much bigger picutre, my opionon. I recognize Jackson as a genuine and original artist, who accepted his role as a great artist very seriously. It wasn't the matter of pure entertainment, he lighted hearts of so many people, who reacted to his message. His music goes far beyond the simple entertainment, as you have reference "colour purple" of Danny Gloer. There are artists and Artists with the capital letter, they are not in the same category.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 210 (view)
 
Goodbye Michael Jackson..................
Posted: 7/16/2009 5:39:26 PM
I am reading this thread in more details, I cannot help it, but feel compelled to comment. This thread reminds me of many threads I have been on on plenty of fish, when one said something, voiced and opionion, only to be misinterpreted, judged, and stoned to death. Same thing with Michael Jackson, people say some really odd things about him, without truly knowing this man. Has anyone really cared to listen to his lyrics, to countless interviews, etc. etc. etc. where he speaks out. Jesus was never understood either, during his times but crucified instead. Same thing happened to MJ, in a sense I am happy for him he is in a better place, no more tears, no more anquish, no more false accusations. Can't wait to do a moon walk with him in the garden of God.
Rest in Peace Michael, thank you for sharing your love and joy with this world and forgive the tresspasses of others. ~La Gioconda
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 209 (view)
 
Goodbye Michael Jackson..................
Posted: 7/16/2009 4:41:46 PM
Or, I may as well add, I do not see anything gayish about him. Quite contrary, a beautiful man with an amazing heart, would love to be in his arms and under his wings. He rocks and many women accross the world see that in him, simply a beautiful and sexy man!
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 208 (view)
 
Goodbye Michael Jackson..................
Posted: 7/16/2009 4:39:16 PM
Rest in Peace, Michael Jackson. I love you very much. Beautiful man, an amazing artist and so much more. A humanitarian, who all he wanted is to help people in the world, the sick and dying children. I believe it was not a matter of being misunderstood, but it was a matter of the craziness in the world, to which humans are subjected to. He was an exceptional force and passion, who brought lots of joy to many, both men and women and children.

His real persona was distorted by papparazis, the media and the press who prey on people's lower emotions and created sensentionalism around him, tabloid...none of it was true. Michael has addressed many times over in his interviews, none of it is true. What saddens me the most is how real weak the human spirit can sometimes be, why so many people are not able to really SEE the TRUTH about him, but instead repeat the tabloids they read about, like parrots.

There is video on youtube directed by British Journalist Martin Bashir. Michael has opened his heart and his house to him, only to be disappointed one more time. Bashir has distorted his character even further, by cutting certain scenes, made his own comments, judgements and imposed his own agenda. Luckily Michael has learned his previous lesson of not being so open to the world and had his own recordings taken by hidden camera, so one can see the whole picture, not fragements of it. He did not 'dangled' the kid on the balcony but showed his child to the crowd, and then he showed Paris as well...but this was never shown in this context.

Child molestations, none of this is true, "just because something is in print, is not gospel', he did not invite the kids to bed, but when kids were at his place, they alwyas wanted to be with him. It's interesting when one says. 'he invited kids to bed' , with sexual connotation in the statement, but there was nothing sexual about it. Did the press ever covered his visits to hospital and taking care of sick children??? No, no one talks about it. Interesting. Michael - humanitarian, it doesn't sell well in the press.
Has no one ever figured media creates the false world for their own sake, in order to exist for themselves. "Is Prince Charles gay?" would catch one attention, only to to find out that he is not. Same thing with Michael Jackson.

Rest in Peace Michael Jackson, you have done your share. Love you more! La Gioconda
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
2 years is along time!
Posted: 6/18/2009 9:57:15 AM
Are you worried you have not been in a relationship in the last of 2 years? or are you worried not having sex in the last 2 years? Which one is it? They are connected, but they are not the same.

To meet your life partner and someone with whom you feel many things jive, is not an easy task, and certainly 2 years is not a long time either. Revise which one is most important for you. Are you ready to be with this special somenone??? Are you sure, or is it just because of missing sex?

From reading your post, I have gathered you have certian unresolved issues from the past that prevent you from attracting that one special person. Do some homework on yourself first, push through your fears and wrong expectations.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Bored, lonely or restless?
Posted: 6/8/2009 12:37:25 AM
cityhorsewoman:

So you are saying that I'm dull?? You should explain yourself, because from what I've read, you haven't really offered her any type of suggestions., or "advice" either.

I don't think you are dull, BTW. I have indicated why 'the lonely, bored or restless'
in previous statement:


For example, one could have a 'good' life, in terms of good paying job, nice place to live and money in the bank and still feel all those things - 'restless, boredom, loneliness', if one is missing higher purpose of living.


I don't offer any advice to anyone here, cause this is not my role. I only make commentary and observations on forums. IMO, it takes serious soul searching to learn about oneself, and why one feels 'bored, lonely, and restless' and this alone. soul searching to find 'higher purpose' of being requires a lot of courage and effort. The lower emotions such as 'restless, boredom, loneliness' are often some of the barriers and symptoms of resistance of doing real work on oneself.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Bored, lonely or restless?
Posted: 6/7/2009 1:42:12 PM
to above poster offering an advise to OP:

Do you have hobbies?
Any chores or physical activity you are interested in doing?
Any friends or family you can contact?

The point is sort of mute. Your offerings suggest one can attain peace, calm mind, by attaining some meaningless activity, - business - keeping ourselves occupied in meaningless, is another form of being 'bored, lonely and restless'.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 134 (view)
 
Would you live with someone you want to marry?
Posted: 6/7/2009 10:15:34 AM
message 124, BoudaciaSmile:

Marriage is the ceremony of the vows of committment. Our lives are all full of ceremonies in various degrees. Funny that people put more into the ceremony of "Divorce Parties" than the actual important ceremony in the first place.


Kudo to you for saying that
I only would like to add, that people mostly concentrate on those little ceremonies and legal document and thinking this would make their relationship work. In the reality, those vows of commitment should be exchanges between couples more frequently, and privately, because such is reality, one should touch base with the other, and even revise commitment, if necessary. In life, nothing is written in stone.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 115 (view)
 
Would you live with someone you want to marry?
Posted: 6/7/2009 12:54:03 AM

Problem is they want to live together before marriage. You don't, knowing that living together is a sure fire way to wreck even the best relationship. What do you?


I do not follow your trend of thought and/or your belief system. If you are certain you want them in your life, how living together before marriage would 'become a sure fire way to wreck anything'. It' s probably you early programming that could fathom such 'strange idea'. I do not believe in marriage. Marriage does not mean 'forever', it only indicates a level of commitment to someone at a certain time, but things can change in time, and a piece of document would not dictate the 'fate of a relationship'.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 34 (view)
 
do people really rely on others to make them happy???
Posted: 6/7/2009 12:41:59 AM

In just two plus weeks on POF I've learned that some of the gentlemen I speak too actually believe that I can make them happy...


Welcome to Pof and online dating. As many have already stated 'happy' is a state of mind, one is responsible for. In addition, OP you would notice there are many other 'interesting clues' associated with online dating. It's a social phenomena, how suddenly 'technology' can bring us all together, at the speed of light, and we would be all happy family. Good luck on figuring this stuff out. It can be fun, revealing, frustrating, you most likely see all sorts of emotions, you may even meet someone who would make you happy. There are endless possibilities. A gentleman who would pay for you coffee on a first date and not argue about it, would make you happy; a single man who you would fall over your heals, who actually is really single, this could make you happy. It sounds simple, doesn't it, but those little things count after all, cause it takes often lots to figure another being behind their computer screen. Good luck, and most importantly, have fun
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Bored, lonely or restless?
Posted: 6/7/2009 12:26:43 AM
boredom, loneliness, restlessness are all interconnected...and could be an indication of many possible things, not just one, and not necessarily lack of partner in one's life. We would like to justify that if only we were with someone we would not have those feelings, and it's probably true but only temporary, if there is another underlying issue. I don't know You or anyone on Pof, to suggest what the problem maybe.

For example, one could have a 'good' life, in terms of good paying job, nice place to live and money in the bank and still feel all those things - 'restless, boredom, loneliness', if one is missing higher purpose of living. And appearance of a mate, won't fill the gap, either.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Those on again off again relationships?
Posted: 6/7/2009 12:08:51 AM
mirabelle13, message 43 hit the nail, imo. People keep going back because they have not learnt their lesson. As Margot pointed out, there is a hope that things would change, perhaps. In reality I believe we use those excuses, but they are form of denial, we know deep down, how things are. And as Pssst pointed out, and I agree with her, that if we love someone we shouldn't want to change them. I have learnt from past experiences, that if there is lots of turbulence and 'on again and off again' thing going on, there is certain need for drama. And yes, there are those couples living and spending whole life together in ongoing drama. I have heard about them, from my girlfriend and this was a relationship of her parents. They were making everyone miserable around them, and would argue and at the end they would be coming back, and don't you just dare to say anything bad about 'him' or 'her'. Some are drown to dysfunctional relationships, and believe this is the way to live life, because they have not known anything else in life.

La Gioconda,
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
kidz become main issue
Posted: 6/6/2009 11:41:19 PM
because, it's always an issue, despite how 'wonderful' things out. It's something that she needs to consider if she was going to be in a relationship with you. Just because she is happy with you, does not automatically means 'everything' will be smooth, it's an easy ride. Quite contrary, your children are big part of your life, you know them since they entered the world from day one, she doesn't know them at all. She is 'thinking'. Some women are better with handling 'mixed' families and some are not. If she loves you, she will be willing to give it a try, but this is new to her.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Seeking Advice??
Posted: 6/6/2009 11:35:15 PM

She's actually 7 yrs older than me, I thought after the BS of the past that dating an older woman , would be less head games. We talk and go out and stuff and have a really good time. Sometimes I feel bad because I feel like I have these walls built, and that in a sense I have a sense of fear of repeating the past.


...you are simply not ready to get real close to another human being, despite of how old they are. You are trying to rationalize in your head that this won't happen again (cheating part) cause of the age (7 years older). In reality, anything can happen despite of our own 'chatter box' called mind. IMO, you are simply not ready for anything serious, so date and be honest with your new woman friend, and communicate where you are. It would be for her to decide eventually what she wants to do with You. Wait, and see or just move on.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 81 (view)
 
Do you ever wonder if what people are looking for is a 20 year relationship overnight?
Posted: 5/21/2009 7:03:53 PM
Actually what strikes me mostly, when I am on those sorts of threads, when people try to logically write about love, and how they believe things should be, and what works and what doesn't, and you know...all that spiel. When I know that once you are hit by love, you stop analyzing, reasoning, you know , life suddenly takes different dimension. Well, you know unless you are dating, then that's different, but then I have never been into dating either, it just never worked for me. Well, maybe I should try??? If I don't feel any attraction or the reason or higher purpose, then I don't develop it later down the road. I prefer that love just happens, serendipity...I keep changing my mind around it. La Gioconda 5 cents.
 
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