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 Author Thread: Success, then utter disgusting failure
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 83 (view)
 
Success, then utter disgusting failure
Posted: 11/24/2009 11:37:41 PM
Good Lord! Just buy a new bed already!


takes a combo of stool softener and laxatives


Did she happen to take a sleeping pill as well?


what a chitty thing to do.....


All chitty chitty but no bang bang!

That truly proves that some men will put up with anything to get near a woman!

If you are seriously considering seeing her again then you have much bigger problems than her sphincter control or lack thereof...unless you are one of those diaper fetishists...then you've hit the mother lode!

From your profile:


I am a relatively sane guy who is a single father and my daughter is my best friend.


This begs the question...relatively sane compared to what exactly?

Again, from your profile:


You must be:
honest
independent
loyal
family oriented
non-smoker (or very rarely)
responsible
intelligent

...did I leave something out? Just ask.


You left out toilet trained!
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 72 (view)
 
Her Orgasm
Posted: 11/24/2009 4:52:12 PM

Some people are just quiet lovers.


If you are alive you should be giving some kind of feedback.
How would you like it if your lover just laid there without movement or sound?
You can't just lay there and expect orgasms to magically happen.


Yeah...ok...if you say so.I wonder where all those percentages come from
in regards to women not orgasming are from then.Guess I'm just an annomoly.
Maybe I just had a bad run of men my whole life as out of 38 of them I have had sex with since my teens,I can only thing of 2 who got me there with thier talents without the benefit of my own hand.Damn....glad they didn't get all bent out of shape trying to please me!~


WOW! You HAVE had a really bad run!
Since I became comfortable enough to have an orgasm with a man it has not been an issue.
Of course I have to know the man well enough and have feelings for him but I won't have sex until I'm ready to so once I am ready it happens every single time.


Let me make this clearer....They didn't TRY to get me off....they were simply WAY more concerned about thier own....I got used to taking care of myself.


Oh, well then your picker is fvcked!


OK, this is a clear indication of a deeper issue.


He's right. It's a clear indication of how you allow men to treat you.
Why sleep with a man that has no care for your pleasure?


But when you throw in some truly selfish or inept men.....hell......what orgasm?


Why sleep with truly selfish men?


You are so right.It's a deeper indication that the men I was with....had no clue how to make a woman come.I can come no problem by myself.The problem is,the fact that most men don't have a grasp on a female's anatomy enough to know how to make them come.


You are missing the point.
You are right about the men that you were with but not because they didn't have a clue...it's because they didn't care.
Even if they did care you still have a responsibility to somehow convey how to get you off if they cannot figure it out themselves. We don't all have the same triggers.

If you are able to have an orgasm then the only reasons not to are:
A. Selfish lovers - that you have chosen to be with despite knowing this
B. Uneducated lovers - that you have chosen not to educate

You teach people how to treat you inside and outside of the bedroom.
You need to be a better teacher.


They have to make some EFFORT,have some skill and think beyond thier own orgasm.They never did.I swear.It wasn't me.


Yes. It WAS you. You picked them and you put up with them.
If a man was to try and have sex with me without making sure I am good an ready for it...it would not be happening.
WHY have sex with a man that is not putting in the effort?


I recall all those times....and they were all pretty much the same thing....not long enough,thorough enough,or experienced enough to get the "job" done for me.


It's up to you to tell them when the job is complete.
I've been with premature ejaculators and they still managed to get the job done up front if they knew they couldn't last long enough to do it the traditional way.


None of those 36 men CARED that I didn't get off..I never was even ASKED if I came......you telling me THAT'S my fault too?


YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who you choose to let into your body is YOUR problem!
YOU are the one who continually let men that don't care about you or your needs inside your body.
How can you blame anyone else for that?


some women act like they're addicted to their orgasm fix....


You say that like it's a BAD thing!


I try to be more selfish now...but it doesn't always suit my personality or my patterns.


If you don't change what you've always done then you'll get what you've always gotten...not much.
Be selfish if that's how you view it but IMO men prefer to know that they are able to please their woman.
It keeps her hungry for him.
And giving someone the pleasure of pleasing you isn't selfish and it goes both ways.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
How Much Should I Disclose?
Posted: 11/22/2009 9:35:14 PM
Don't say a word!
Pass Dirk a note with Sandy's phone number on it and leave it at that.
She can SWAK it for better results!
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 60 (view)
 
yes!
Posted: 11/22/2009 9:26:35 PM
His mouth may be saying he's done with her but his actions and his erections are saying otherwise.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 92 (view)
 
Men and self esteem
Posted: 11/21/2009 12:04:41 AM

Are there commercials about trying to improve the same self esteem issues in boys? If there is someone enlighten me. I'm sure there is books and blogs but not mainstream like a commercial would be.


I believe that the Dove campaign is helping girls/women feel better about themselves and it is focussed on females because their products are geared to women and by buying their products women are supporting women through the Dove sponsored self esteem workshops.

It's good advertising as you can feel like you are doing something good while spending your money.


Are there commercials about trying to improve the same self esteem issues in boys? If there is someone enlighten me. I'm sure there is books and blogs but not mainstream like a commercial would be.


No. Because all of the commercials that are strictly geared towards men are erectile disfunction and beer oriented.


So in closing let me ask one more time what about the guys?


Why not write the beer and pharmaceutical companies and see if they will sponsor a similar program that they can direct some of the profits for the purpose of sponsoring self esteem workshop for young men/boys?

Then you men you can feel like you are doing something good while spending your money on erections and beer.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 1227 (view)
 
are women playing GOD when they become pregnant
Posted: 11/20/2009 11:22:39 PM

I'll give it a try, guys, since many of you have tried to make it clear to the women in this thread:

NO MAN HERE HAS ADVOCATED IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM THAT ANY MAN SHOULD HAVE ANY SAY IN WHAT A WOMAN DOES WITH HER BODY PRE OR POST CONCEPTION. THIS INCLUDES WHAT SHE INGESTS, REGURGETATES OR GESTATES. NO MAN HAS SAID THAT A WOMAN SHOULD ABORT A FEOTUS EXCEPT BY HER OWN CHOICE OR EVER BE FORCED TO DO SO. NOR HAS ANY MAN SAID ANYTHING ABOUT WANTING TO FORCE A WOMAN TO CARRY A KID TO TERM AGAINST ANY WOMAN'S WILL.

IT'S ALL HER CHOICE.

... sheesh.

We, well the intelligent men here, are merely saying that we would like to have equal reproductive rights. This does not mean we'd like to repeal Roe v Wade, but simply to have the same, equal, at least equivalent reproductive rights under, in law.

It's really not that difficult to understand.

I think that women interpreting men's stance in this thread as somehow wanting to force women into doing something is just an emotional response used to avoid having to see this issue objectively.


I'm blonde and still not getting it so help me out here.

What "same, equal, at least equivalent reproductive rights under, in law" are you seeking if you say you have no desire to either force a woman to abort or force her to complete a pregnancy?

If you say it is all her choice then what's all the fuss about?
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 492 (view)
 
I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 11/20/2009 6:57:24 PM

It's more that a man knows what it means, but doesn't like the way it sounds, and reacts to it anyway because he feels it's personal to him even though he knows it can't be. It's mostly an ego-driven reaction - and ego is honestly an outdated way to look at things in this day and age, for both sexes.


Exactly!
How can you be offended by something a complete stranger writes in their profile?
Why take it personally?
Ask them to clarify or move on.


So, give us the softer, less offensive sides of you. I don't need to know how much you all do before most people wake up in the morning, nor do I care. I want to know what it is that you can bring to my life.


Says the man who has "To be updated space space space space" on his profile.
You're not exactly letting women know what YOU are bringing to THEIR lives with your illuminating prose now are you?

Pot kettle black.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Is love enough?
Posted: 11/20/2009 2:49:00 PM
If you love him then why open a new profile two months ago seeking long term?
If you met him since you've been on here then give it some time to actually get to know him.

Hobbies and separate interests are good in my opinion.
But it depends on how needy you are.
Some people cannot stand to be alone so you can't be happy with a clinger if you enjoy your alone time.
I would stab out my eyes if I had to spend every waking hour with the same person so even though I have fallen in love with a barnacle in the past I now know that I cannot coexist with that level of neediness.

Love alone is never enough but it does help to motivate you when things need working out.
You look at him and remember that you love him and that can get you talking and not walking.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 83 (view)
 
Is being yourself really good advice?
Posted: 11/20/2009 11:42:45 AM
Is "being yourself" really good advice?

Yes it is!
If you try to fake it and be something you're not then eventually your true self will seep out.
And if they don't like the seepage then they'll split on you for deceiving them.

How can you build a lasting relationship on a false foundation with false pretenses?
If you don't like who you are then don't expect anyone else to.

It's always better to deal with the reality of who a person is, flaws and all, rather than what he/she or you would potentially like them to be.

That doesn't mean that you can't be improving yourself in the meantime.
You should never stop growing but you should never pretend to be somewhere/someone you're not either.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 439 (view)
 
I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc = RED Flags?
Posted: 11/17/2009 10:22:34 PM

The truth is, if a woman were completely happy with her life, she wouldn't be on this site in the first place!


Happy is a state of mind that does not preclude the desire for love, lust and affection.

Bottom line for me...needy people are not attractive.

Needy = huge red flag.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
How long do you keep fighting?
Posted: 11/17/2009 10:06:53 PM

she can't decide aside from us dating each other but being allowed to date others if they ask


Sounds like she's made a decision to me...
you're on the back burner while she waits for something better to come along...
AND she even wants you to stick around while she tests them out...
AND you're actually considering it!

It's clear from your post that you both obviously don't have the attention spans required to be on your own for any length of time without attention from the opposite sex soooooooo why is this confusing you?

I think it's a match made in heaven!
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
She is confusing me
Posted: 11/17/2009 9:54:49 PM
Make yourself less available and insist on meeting in person.
She says she wants to be single because she does.
Talking to you every day must be satisfying her needs if she keeps on doing it.
But what about your needs?
You apparently need more than a phone friend...she may not.
If you spend all your time talking to a woman who refuses to meet you then you will never have time to meet a woman who will.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 11:19:09 AM
This is the guy that you've been with for 3 whole months who finds sex with you a chore and who only wants BJs?

He won't go down on you and yet he's eating you out of house and home?

Try putting your pvssy in the fridge...then maybe he'll eat it!
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Addicted
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:43:25 PM
You're 55 years of age and you still think you can change a man?

Either have the balls to stick to your convictions or suck it up.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 45 (view)
 
i wanna know what you think of this??
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:15:12 PM
What do I think of this? I think I wouldn't settle for being anyone's back up plan.

I don't think she's a player either as she was honest and upfront about her intentions...crappy as they may be.

In this case you can only be 'played' if you choose to play along.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Too small for a condom !?! Then What???
Posted: 11/11/2009 10:35:04 AM

we get all hot into it with a new partner ... then when we go to feel.. and ummmmm nothing there, kills our mood fast, and the men dont look as attractive as they once did either


So is this the same guy you were referring to in an earlier post?

You gotta admit he's at least got big balls to try the 'my penis is too tiny' excuse!
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Is sex a chore to him?
Posted: 11/11/2009 10:25:32 AM

But lately it seems he prefers a blow job to sex.


Then don't give him the option. Sex should be a mutually enjoyable experience.
I agree with Roscoestan. He's just getting lazy and you are allowing it.
Expect more, hell demand more, and you will get it.


Only blow till it’s up





I have often done the bj and then switched to sex.... and today I "put my foot down" and said "I want mine too" cause it's been a few days, and it worked out well. But it kind of felt like a chore when I have to ask for it like that....


Then don't ask for it. Just don't allow it until you get what you want.
It's kinda sad that a man of that age needs to be told that your needs are important as well.

OK, "He has never returned the favor of oral" and "He is not selfish" are contradictory statements.


It just breaks my heart to think I may not satisfy him.


Then ask him if this is his problem or yours.
I know you have feelings but three months is not a huge investment so wouldn't you rather find out sooner than later if this has happened with him before you?

The sex should be getting better the more you get to know the man not worse.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Sex on the beach!
Posted: 11/9/2009 10:13:08 AM
Getting sand in your crack is not all it's cracked up to be.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Should I just let it go??
Posted: 11/9/2009 10:03:07 AM
Only go there if you can handle the constant withdrawal.
He's disappeared twice already so don't fool yourself into thinking he won't do it again.
He's shown you he's a flake so believe him.

I just checked your profile...you are very young so listen up...you can never change another human being...never!
Do NOT think 'he will change if he loves me' or any other such nonsense.
Potential is just that.
Some people never reach their potential so you have to take them where they are and right now he's a flake.


We fell in love and everyhting was perfect....


How can it be perfect if he can leave you so easily?
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
What do you make of this? Is this BPD?
Posted: 11/9/2009 9:44:25 AM
If he wanted to talk to you then he'd answer his cell.
If he wanted to do things with you, other than you, then he would.

Why does he treat you like crap?
Because you seem to love it...you must if you keep begging him for more.

It's not BPD. I think it's ADD.
Adult Desperation Disorder and I think you have a chronic case.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Has your Adult ADD ruined/sabotaged relationships?
Posted: 11/9/2009 9:30:35 AM
If you don't want to deal with your own condition then don't expect anyone else to.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Sex...Hurts?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:34:07 PM

I would definitely like to experience the “thrill” of long sex sessions, and, doing it because I want to, not because I feel like I should.


Well, that's part of your problem!
Obviously you are not warmed up enough if you are doing it because you think you SHOULD.
NEVER have sex unless 'YOU' WANT to!

Why can he not simply adjust his thrust?
If it hurst then make him stop...he'll get the hint.
My ex was a big boy so he had to make sure I was good and ready for him and I could only handle him to a point.


I want to be able to enjoy it again, without having to bite a pillow so I don’t scream and cry out from the pain it’s causing me (Which, might sound awesome…If you’re a guy). I couldn’t even go on top for longer than a minute with him, or, I’d be in severe abdominal pain, and popping Tylenol from the cramping it was giving me.


Why would you continue if it's THAT painful?
Pain is a signal that you are doing something wrong or that there is something wrong.
Especially if you are on top and in control of how deep he is going...assuming you are controlling it.
If so, I'd go back to the doctor and force them to listen to you because if you were able to enjoy sex before and you can't anymore then there's probably something new happening that's wrong.


Go down to your local hardware store and buy a roll of either Packing or Duck Tape


Holy crap Avalon!
Please tell me you have not Mcgivered your lady's vagina!!!


The hair scrunchies is a good idea. I think I just assumed men couldn't help but, put it all in. Now that I know that though!


Do you really think sopping up your lubrication with a scrunchie will help matters and make sex somehow LESS painful?
Just tell him to adjust his thrust.
Forget the scrunchies...they would be unsanitary not to mention being a huge fashion DON'T.


almost every time me and my wife have sex and get real psychical .. she bleeds ...she says she has no pain ...and is multi orgasmic ....and she really enjoys rougher sex


The vaginal walls get thinner as women age so if it's too rough she will bleed.


she has had two children vaginally and we have been together many years


I'm assuming that the babies were not repeatedly trying to pound their way back in?


the blood is a bright red not like her period flow


That's because the blood is fresh and local.


but I feel it is making her hold back and sacrifice her enjoyment


Try more lubrication. Less friction will mean less chance of tearing.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Sex...Hurts?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:33:24 PM
Oops!
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Erotic chatting between the two of you
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:28:47 PM

Im talking about a guy no holes-barred, sharing his fantasies involving you.


Um...I believe the expression is 'no holds barred' but I suppose if you are talking about erotic chat then maybe you were right in the first place!

I'd kinda like to know up front what type of stuff the guy is into after browsing these forums.
I have one hole that's definitely barred and I prefer my men that way as well!

If you are already acquainted and attracted then some playful, erotic chat can be fun and informative.
You can learn a lot more about a person when they are relaxed and their guard is down.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:31:55 PM
Are you being paid by a sponsor to spread this propaganda?
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Sex in parents house while parents are home
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:10:42 AM
You look like a virile young man to me so I'm sure you can manage!

I had plenty of sex in my parent's home when I was a teen and it was amazing!
My parents were really loud snorers so as long as we could hear them snoring we knew we were safe.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Sex in parents house while parents are home
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:09:53 AM
Ooops! Double post! Sorry!
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 77 (view)
 
What is sexy about FAT???
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:23:25 PM
Fat, in and of itself, is not sexy.
If the particular package you happen to be sporting has some fat on it then that's just a coincidence.
Fat doesn't make you sexy or not sexy.
Gaining or losing a few pounds won't make or break your sexiness.
Who you are determines your sexiness.

If they are ONLY interested in your fat then it's a fetish.
If it is compulsory or mandatory that you be fat to turn them on then it is a fetish.
If you are secondary to you fat then it is a fetish.

Now if you are talking body type 'preferences' that's another story.
For a woman fat makes for a more comfortable ride and more cushion for cuddling.
Same thing for a man. I don't want to collapse onto a brick wall or a pile of bones.
Some meat and muscle is mmmmmmmmmm good.
Everyone has their own preferences.

I have a preference for green-eyed men but I've fallen in love with a brown-eyed man so it is simply a preference for me and not a fetish.


After reading 98% of the men on here saying they don't want me, how do you think that makes me feel? (this is just an observation for you to think about - it's not a whine from me, btw).


It's all in your perspective and what you choose to take in from these message boards.
Your profile says you want a man with a similar body type and that physical attraction is important to you.
So how is that any different from a man stating his preference for whatever he is attracted to?


in a society that says fat is unattractive, there are still men who equate fat as sexy.


And just because society seems to think that reality television is entertaining doesn't make it so.

One man's idea of fat is another man's pleasantly plump. Again, perspective. There is a lid for every pot.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 88 (view)
 
No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 11/1/2009 2:47:03 PM
^^^Sorry, I thought you meant types.
I just assumed that once you get the hang of it orgasm can be achieved easily through different stimuli.
That's what I get for assuming!
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 86 (view)
 
No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 11/1/2009 11:59:31 AM

Accidentally In Love, I think you hit the nail on the head. This has been precisely my problem- I give up the pu$sy too soon and let things get rushed. I wish there was some way of telling beforehand whether someone would turn out to be an attentive lover. Some people can be very nice outside the bedroom, so it's tough to tell at first. I also like your advice about 'making sure they clean the plate before moving onto the next course'. I definitely need to put your wise words into practice.


You're not alone. I read that a lot on here and they wonder why they don't have a satisfying sexual experience. I don't let a man in until I am good and ready...I know my body and I know that most men don't last long enough to satisfy me unless I'm extremely excited (but that can also make them quicker) anyways, before that I make them wait until I am comfortable enough emotionally and physically to be with them. I think that the only way to know beforehand that a man will be an attentive lover is to date him and get to know him and that takes time.


Also, when people advise to let one's partner know what it takes to achieve the orgasm, what if you don't know? They say to masterbate, but I don't know how to translate that to partnered sex. If I got off with vibes or fingers, that may be more straightforward, but the only way I can get an orgasm is by humping the mattress, and even then, it's a long, arduous process.


I'm sorry to hear that! Nothing even with a vibrator? :(
Have you tried making out while humping his leg?
Maybe you should invest in a workshop type thing. Try asking at a sex shop.
If you can't get yourself off easily then there's no way a man will be able to.
IME it's me who has to be relaxed enough around a man to be able to orgasm.
Once that's achieved then it's just a matter of a little time and attention.


If you don't know multiple ways to reach orgasm yourself, or have the level of confidence to communicate it to your partner, you won't have a satifying sex life.

Most women that have satisfying sex lives know multiple ways to orgasm and know how to tell their partner(or show & tell them) how to get them there. Orgasms are a team effort, but you need to build that team before you reach the goal.


Multiple ways sounds much too intimidating to a woman who can't even find one good way!
I don't have multiple ways to orgasm, multiple orgasms, g-spot or any kind of 'spot' orgasms but I do have a clitoral orgasm and it does happen every single time...and it's wonderful!
You don't 'need' to be able to have a variety of orgasms to be sexually satisfied...the same old same old has been working fine for me for decades...but I am not opposed to trying to find something new.

AnimeOtaku5: You've been looking for intimate encounters which, I would assume, don't provide any comfort emotionally and physically. That could be a big part of the problem. If you are only going to see him once then there's not a lot of incentive on his part to make it great for you. Try to change things up if what you've been doing isn't working for you.


The ssumption that you can show a guy what to do and he will do it is false IME.


Wrong. It's as simple as playing the hot and cold game only you are communicating with your body and not words.
Simply give proper feedback as to what they are doing and show how much you are enjoying it (or not) through your reactions...I've never actually had to 'show' them visually or 'talk' them through it.


There are quite a few old school guys out there who seriously don't give a hoot about the womans orgasm not do they think they should. Very old school and it's also true for guys who are not old.


So why are you even letting them near you in the first place?
If a man is not all about my pleasure then he won't be getting near me.
So if you are not having a satisfying sexual experience then you have to be your own advocate.


There are still plenty of lazy selfish men out there. I suppose there are women like this but I don't sleep with them so....no further comment.


Um yes, there may well be plenty of lazy, selfish men out there...but the question is why are YOU choosing sleeping with them?
Don't sleep with lazy, selfish men. Problem solved.


I can come in a couple of minutes with pretty simple stimulation but there are still guys out there who find even a few minutes to be a chore. It's not personal. It's about their attitude that sex is for mens' pleasure and how dare women demand equality in the bedroom.


Again...WHY would you sleep with a man who holds that attitude?
You have the option to leave at any time if you find that they have no interest in your pleasure.
If you continue to sleep with men that have no concern for your pleasure then you are perpetuating the problem.
They wouldn't be able to do it if you didn't let them.


Personally I would tell the guy to go home so I can get myself off in peace. Who wants to wait until he's snoring. It's a buzz kill.


Holy crap! WHY have sex with another human being if you are not going to enjoy the shared experience?
I swear I have never encountered a man with that attitude. Where do you find them?


Sad but true.


You create your own experience. True.
So if it's a sad one then you have only yourself to blame which is a good thing because that means you can fix it.
Don't blame the men who refuse to satisfy you...blame yourself for dating them.
At least you can do something about that.

AnimeOtaku5: I hope you can try to experiment with yourself and learn how to get there easily. Ask someone in a sex toy shop if they can help you out. I'm sure they have seen and heard everything and have all kinds of helpful information. Good luck!
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Sex Frequency compatability question
Posted: 11/1/2009 10:39:30 AM
It never even occurred to me to ask about my ex's sex life.
I figure if I'm satisfied and he's not trying to get any more then we're on the same page but I think we'd have problems if we had nothing to talk about but our past sex lives.

I'd rather get to know a man through exploring his mind and body not by dissecting his past.

I haven't had a problem with frequency.
I tend to get it when I want it when I'm in a relationship and I've never felt harassed about it either.
Maybe I've just been lucky compatibility-wise.

You can't compare your ex with your current.
I don't need it every day but once or twice a week would not cut it for me.
Your friend just needs to ask if she wants it more and if so, eat his Wheaties and man up!


Seems like she wants quantity

Not quality of sex.


Quantity and quality are not mutually exclusive. Why bother at all if the quality is not there?


Actually, I told him if she's not complaining keep his mouth shut....


Ha! Good advice! Why go looking for trouble?

Buuuuuuut then again...why would she tell him this information if it wasn't somehow pertinent?
Maybe it's her way of hinting that he should step it up a bit as she doesn't want to come off as complaining.
Bad move though as it only makes him picture her with her last lover and question his own abilities.
She should just jump him if she wants more.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 75 (view)
 
My wife wants no passion. Help!!
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:53:16 AM
I think I explained it in my post.
Cheating and whining never solves anything.
He has the option to get a divorce if he wants to.

I agree that she is probably there out of guilt and familiarity and probably also the church. My friend's Mom had the crap beaten out of her on a regular basis but thought it was a sin to leave her husband in the eyes of the Catholic church. I don't understand this kind of misguided loyalty but to each his/her own choices.

It's his choice to stay or go.
He cannot force feelings and affection from his wife if she does not have them whether he thinks he deserves them or not.

He mentioned his cheating as an afterthought. All I was saying is that if he is so selfish that he never considered that his actions would have an impact on her then he's probably as selfish and self-centered everywhere else in his life as well.


He's not totally disabled...he can't use his legs. He's as human as the rest of the human race, not some mindless, unfeeling, emotionally void blob in a wheelchair. His problem is no different really than any other man who lives in a relationship where a wife refuses or has no interest in sex or closeness but goes through the motions of every day life.


Then he has the same options as any other man who is dissatisfied with his situation. Resolve it or dissolve it.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 72 (view)
 
My wife wants no passion. Help!!
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:52:36 AM


...do you consider your history a non factor in why your wife may feel the way she does?



Very good point. I've never asked her about this. I think today I will. Thanks.


OP: Do you have a brain injury as well?
How could you not think that your infidelity would not impact her feelings?


His wife staying with him through this is admirable...very admirable but as one person said(paraphrasing) would it kill her to break him off some lovin once in a while AT LEAST?


He cheated...and I'm sure that the cheating is the only thing the OP gave his poor wife multiples of...
AT LEAST he's lucky she didn't take him to San Francisco on vacation and let him go at the top of Lombard Street when she found out he was cheating.


Sex is a need for some and needs have to met. I would say that she is lucky HE has stay married to her this long without getting any sex...........


I thought that the OP was incapable of throwing the wife a bone?
He's Catholic...the wife is probably staying out of sheer guilt and even though the OP has had his ham-related dalliances.
How many women would realistically want to take on a disabled, cheating man full time?
According to these forums it's hard enough for an able-bodied man with morals intact to get any play.


Your chastisements and kicks in the nuts are gladly recieved


That's easy to say when you can't feel them!


I'ts never been disclosed that she's even been aware that he has...you're assuming she even knows.


Actually it has...see the first quotes of my post. If she didn't already know then why would he ask?
He's probably never apologized either if he's so self-centered that it never even occurred to him that his cheating might have some kind of effect on her feelings towards him.

But even before he cheated the fact that she had to take on the role of full time parent and sole caregiver to two young children and caregiver to her husband, all in her twenties no less, wouldn't leave a whole lot of leftover time or energy.
How many normal marriages suffer from a lack of intimacy when the kidlets are small?

Not to mention they can never have normal sex again so not only has she lost someone to help physically raise her children she also lost her lover. That's a lot to handle at any time let alone your twenties.
She was probably just doing the best she could to get by in a difficult situation.

If the OP is as selfish in bed as he is out of it we can only assume that he's done nothing to entice her to be physically intimate with him. Maybe she doesn't want to get all worked up over something she can never have again and she is avoiding physical intimacy so she herself is not tempted to stray.

Discuss an open marriage so she can have her needs mets as well.
I'm sure after 25 years of putting up with you and your crap she could use a good pounding!
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 101 (view)
 
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 2:38:44 PM
I'm not sure that all women initiate the breakup 80% of the time but I know that I did.

(1) No, I definitely don't crave variety with different men.
(2) Not a boredom thing either.
(3) That makes more sense to me.

It may be that "men refuse, or are unable, to see the red lights she is flashing months in advance" but it's also true that women need to be able to communicate better with men...at least in my case. Men don't seem to pick up on the subtle things the way that women do with each other. Women just tend to know certain things that some men need to be told. I'm not saying that to put anyone down it's just been my experience that we relate differently and that contributes to the problem.

It not so much "a function of modern societal conditioning whereby the woman has accepted the modern premise that women should not want men" so much as we have a lower threshold for crap these days. We still want men but we want the Crap Light version.

Also marriage seems to be a better deal for men nowadays and most women simply aren't going to put up with what women in the past had to put up with because now we have the option to do something about it. We are no longer trapped.

(4) Nope. I have no temptation to wander if I am happy where I am. And just because I can doesn't mean that I do.


throw the numbers out of the window...I belive,(andi do belive this) that women tend to want to leave first only because they can get a man almost anytime they want


That may be true but most women don't leave unless they are unhappy about something and know it cannot be fixed.
The variety thing is not as big a deal to most women as it seems to be with men.
Just because I can easily have something doesn't necessarily mean I want it.


I think men are more willing to settle for "one in hand"/any woman they can get, while women seem to want a SPECIFIC man out there.


Exactly!


Women see men as projects and try to change us from the getgo. When we resist.. and dont go along with their hints-that-turn-into-nagging-that-turns-into-ultimatums, eventually they wait until the statutory period runs allowing them a permanent hook into our wallet and then leave.


Only when we are young and stupid do we believe that we can change a man and think he has 'potential'. Now we know that potential means squat and we look at a man for who he is right now because we now know we cannot change him and this is probably as good as it's gonna get. I don't have children so I refuse to nag. If an adult cannot figure out what needs to be done and when to do it then he needs more help than I am willing to give.


What to do if your BF, who is locked up in prison, cheats?


I'm guessing if he's cheating in prison it's most likely not by choice!


Not only that, I have a problem with "surveys". There's no way to measure accuracy, where the respondents were from (and there definitely are different morals in different pocketed locations), etc. - in other words, such surveys aren't scientifically proveable and could have either a high or low +/- accurancy rate depending on many variables.


Especially if you are doing a survey on cheating...they aren't the most truthful pollees now are they?
If they cannot be trusted to not cheat then how can you trust them to not lie on a survey?


why are men not able to see the signs?


Perhaps because most men are not as intuitive or as empathic as women are. We tend to feel the signs.
We also wonder why men are not able to feel the signs but I think it is a gender difference that can only be overcome with knowledge of that fact and good communication.


Men are always more dedicated to their decisions . . if they like ya they stay with ya


Hate to beak it to you but if your woman still liked ya she's still be with ya too!
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Cheating and some helpful answers.
Posted: 10/30/2009 1:40:52 PM

If someone cheats on you, is it cheating on them if you do it in retaliation for that person cheating on you?


Yes. It's still cheating if you haven't ended the relationship, no matter what your motivation, although you said it was over from the time you caught her so which is it?

If the act of her cheating effectively ended your relationship then and there...then no, it was not cheating.

If not, then you cheated with an abused woman and by doing so you effectively lowered yourself to your ex's level.
She probably didn't refuse your advances because as an abused woman she is probably afraid to say no.
Frankly, I'd feel worse about taking advantage of that situation than for possibly cheating on a cheater but that's just me.


My other question is, regarding the three other cheaters. Why do people tell you they are seeing someone else?


You'd have to ask them but probably just to hurt you.


Why dont they just say the relatinship isnt working out I would like to end it instead of going out and being unfaithful with the person they are with while seeing someone else to replace them?


Because they lack integrity and are probably too needy to be alone with themselves for any length of time.


Cant people just end a relationship if they arent happy and find someone else without getting involved similtaniously?


Sure...it happens.



I had moved on but without the benefit of resolving the issue,



No, you did not move on. YOu remained stuck to the issue.


I agree. OP you may have changed the cast but not the scene.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 42 (view)
 
what do you do if you male date starts crying in bed
Posted: 10/28/2009 5:49:16 PM

Oh, I don't doubt that crazy is crazy just as you say - but it seems that women would attack a man for posting something along the lines of what the OP posted.


And it seems you are lumping all women into that category.
I'm just saying that the crazy has nothing to do with genitalia and I would say the exact same thing to a man in the OP's position.


yes its a true story but in all good fun i was not putting this man down he was just not over his girlfriend and i told him its ok... but since that weekend he turned out to be married and was using women on pof...


WOW! So he was crying over his ex-girlfriend and he's married?
Nobody can use you without your permission but I can almost guarantee that if you had spent even a minute amount of time with this guy before sexing him up that the crazy would have been visibly oozing from his pores.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 72 (view)
 
No orgasm: dealbreaker?
Posted: 10/28/2009 1:33:09 PM

If you were with someone for a while and they never gave you an orgasm, would you leave them?


Yes but thankfully I've never had to.
I don't move on to sex with a man if he hasn't already proven he can bring me to orgasm while making out.
Delay penetration until he figures out how to get you off manually or orally if he can't do it through intercourse alone.

Hmmmmm...you said that you have never experienced orgasm with a partner so the problem may be you.
Don't expect someone to give you something that you are unable to receive or cannot give yourself.
If that's not the case then try men who actually care about you and your needs.


Would it be a legit excuse to end it, especially if there were other problems in the relationship?


You can end a relationship for any reason you like.


Or would that be a petty reason to dump someone?


Not at all. It's petty of him to not be concerned about you and your pleasure.


I know I'm responsible for my own orgasm, but if that's the case, why be in a relationship?


Exactly! Why bother?
You are responsible for your own experience insofar as you have to be able to communicate what it takes to get you there.
If you can't then it's your problem. If he won't then find someone who will.


Sure, when I'm by myself it is. But with a partner, they need to do Something...I mean, it's not gonna eat itself. What if some guy wanted head and I told him "Your orgasm is Your reponsibility"? Hah.


Ha! Exactly!
No, it's not going to eat itself so just make sure they clean the plate before you allow them move on to the next course...it's proper etiquette after all!
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 33 (view)
 
what do you do if you male date starts crying in bed
Posted: 10/28/2009 1:28:30 PM
You cuddle him up tight close to your breast and do your best to comfort him...
while trying not to giggle so he doesn't get shaken baby syndrome!

Obviously he knows that he's not up to the task of satisfying a woman himself so at least he was considerate enough to bring reinforcements and provide you with the gift that keeps on giving...a vibrator...hopefully not the other kind!

Men have feelings too but your guy sounds like a bit of a whack job... ie: going fetal and the balcony scene.

I've had a couple of guys cry when they told me they loved me but not after sex.
I occasionally cry after sex because it's an emotional as well as a physical release for me more so when it's been a while or is extremely intense there may be some tears.
I know there was a thread about this but it mostly pertained to women crying. I don't think any men admitted to it.
Do men have this same emotional release after sex?

If he was a man I cared about and he started to cry I would obviously hold him and talk it out but it sounds to me like you need to get to know your lovers better to screen out the whackos.


I've gotta agree - a man would likely be pilloried by a lot of women if he'd posted the exact same thing the OP did, just with genders reversed.


Not really. Crazy is crazy no matter how you slice it and it's not gender discriminant.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 168 (view)
 
Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/23/2009 11:17:34 PM
^^^What happened to Arabianangel's post?


I WANT to Honor God and His Law and because I study Gods Word I know exactly what He expects, He makes it clear!!


How clear is it if HIS word, assuming there is only one God, has been interpreted differently by the Christians, the Muslims and the Jews?


and because I study Gods Word I know that I can not Honor Gods Law without being connected to Him moment by moment


How do you know it's actually God's word and how do you know that the Bible is actually a proper translation?


so you see hot sex with a stranger blocks the connection with God...


I read somewhere that during sex the brain waves are similar to when you are meditating or in a creative state so when you are screaming "oh God" then maybe it's actually bringing you closer to Him because you are tapped into the connection!


Gods Spirit would tell you that it was not in Gods Will for you to be engaged in this behaviour, God has Higher Standards...


God apparently gave us free will so are you questioning His judgement with that decision?


in regard to hell, God will only take those who love His Laws into Eternity, law breakers do not love God or His Laws so why do they want a place in His Eternity??


Then how come the catholics can go to confession and all can be forgiven?
And when you say law breakers...do you mean if I've had a speeding ticket I'll be going to hell?
Where is the line drawn for 'law breakers'?
I don't believe the Bible mentions moving violations as a sin but I could be mistaken as I learned that God is love in Sunday school and that's about all I needed to know.


it is not because of rigid dogmas that True Christians obey Gods Laws, it is because we love God so much and we Trust God and we are Thankful to Jesus for giving us a second chance and we want Eternal Life without death and pain or bad air and toxins in our food and we want nature without extinction and yes we want world peace not piece...


If you trust God so much then why are you questioning the whole free will thing and how do you know that 'God's Laws' didn't lose anything in translation over so many generations?


I am fine if you think I am crazy, I think you who want sex out of a marriage more than Eternity are crazy... one last point, remember God did not say no to sex, He gave us the Best and Highest sex there is and that is guilt free blissful sex in a marriage with your soulmate


I don't think you are necessarily crazy but your profile says you are divorced...so will that prevent you from entering heaven?
I thought marriage was 'until death do us part' according to God's law.
Why is it alright to break the 'rules' for divorce but not for premarital sex?
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Really need some advice!!
Posted: 10/23/2009 4:55:45 PM


a man who will really care for you will NOT mind waiting...




Just be warned though....there will be a lot of guys who aren't willing to wait. So you'll feel upset and feel as though you should change your feelings. Just stick to what you want and don't do what you don't want.


Then that makes an easy filtering device...if they don't want to wait then fvck 'em...or rather don't!

It's so true that a man who really cares for you will not mind waiting.
Just because they want sex after two or three dates doesn't mean that you should feel obliged to do anything you are not ready and wanting to do.

Always go at your own pace in life but look into some therapy if 'exposure therapy' doesn't help once you meet the right man.


^^^^ Well unless they're unzipping and waving it at you before your ready.. what is the point of this thread? You know your boundaries and limits so.. be true to them.


Agreed! lol
Why do you need advice if you already know what to do?
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 156 (view)
 
Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy
Posted: 10/23/2009 4:40:28 PM

I've met many great gals, though, but it seems when it comes to the lack of physical intimacy, it's game over. Why can't romance be disassociated from sex these days?


Now why would you wanna do that?
Not everyone wants to get married or wait to have sex until they get married...
blame the Viagra ads...ice cream is the only treat I want to be enjoying soft-served!


Why can't a kiss be just a kiss and a warm cuddle be a cuddle, without the 'need' to go further? Thoughts?


Because sex is a normal part of a romantic relationship and a kiss CAN be just a kiss and a warm cuddle can be just a cuddle...when I'm done! ;)

Find someone with a matching mindset and libido and you'll be good to go...or not...your choice.

Just be upfront and clear about what you want and don't want and you won't have to worry about leading anyone on.


Being sexually repressed, or deprived is not good for one's mind, body, or spirit.


That's very true!
I never had a migraine when I was getting it regularly...
our bodies were made to be used whether you hold a healthy disposition towards sex or not.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Two dates, no kiss, mixed signals, time to worry?
Posted: 10/23/2009 3:36:21 PM
Better get big on the "cliche end-of-first-date kiss" fast because that's exactly what will tell you how she feels.

Somebody has to make the first move so make it already!

Ask her out to dinner, a traditional date so there is no confusion, talk to her and look into her eyes, then kiss her!
Maybe not at the table but at least take her home and kiss her on the porch or on her couch if she invites you in.

I think you are the one sending mixed signals.
If I'm asked out on a date I fully expect to be kissed goodnight when I'm taken home.
I'm shy as well so I where as I may not initiate the first kiss (I expect a man to do that and I haven't be disappointed yet) I would give you a hug after if I liked you...to cop a sniff of your neck.


And by the way, I myself didn't want a kiss on the first date and thus did not try or give any signals of doing so.


No wonder there is confusion...you are definitely the one sending mixed signals!
Why are you bothering to date someone you don't want to kiss?
Who doesn't want a kiss if you like the person?
She probably thinks you don't like her that way.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 50 (view)
 
diffrent way's to get him in the mood
Posted: 10/22/2009 11:35:09 AM
I really don't understand how things can 'get old' in such a new relationship and why you have to work so hard to get him in the mood.

Even the geezers in my age bracket can be lit up with a good kiss hello.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Brown eyed Men?
Posted: 10/22/2009 10:31:05 AM
They are all trouble regardless of eye colour but in my experience the brown eyed men had a little more fire than the blue or green eyed ones...although the green eyed ones do make me weak!


what do you mean hard to deal with?


A hard man is easy to deal with!


I've noticed (personally), blue eyed women are the snobbiest.

Blonds the same way.


I couldn't disagree more! *turns up nose and walks away*
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 25 (view)
 
How do you tell her
Posted: 10/22/2009 9:45:22 AM
So I'm guessing that your blow job in the park really panned out for you? Congrats!

Never ask a woman for sex whether it's making love or whatever...it sounds too much like begging.

Foreplay is a huge part of sex. Concentrate on her pleasure and you may be asked back for seconds.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 83 (view)
 
My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad
Posted: 10/21/2009 10:55:29 AM
That's a really stupid premise.

Cheaters cheat because they lack integrity, empathy and testicular fortitude.

If they had integrity they would not cheat because people with integrity don't cheat.

If they had empathy they would not cheat because they would know that it hurts to hurt others.

If they had any testicular fortitude then they would not cheat because they would have the balls to discuss the problem and decide to either save or dissolve the relationship before moving on.

I've never been cheated on because I don't date men that lack those qualities.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
condoms...for real
Posted: 10/19/2009 8:53:47 PM

So, I was reading here on the forums about how upright everybody is about sex and being safe and getting tested and all that good stuff. However!!!! This has not been my experience!


So, you're responsible for your experience and own sexual health don't ya know?
That includes the number of men you let into your body and how they are attired.


I also have not been able to use birth control consistently due to medical reasons and I can't beleive how guys ignore that issue.


Your body...your issue...whether you like it or not. How smart is it to leave you fate in a stranger's hands?


I guess I don't really expect anyone to come forward and say, oh yeah, I'm stupid and dont take care for std's unwanted pregnancy so I wish we could do polls on here so people would respond honestly about whether or not they actually use condoms.


Honestly, why are you so concerned with what is going on in other people's bodies?
Your profile says you have kids...so if you don't care about your own health you should at least care about it for their sake.

But if you really want to know I require blood work, monogamy and condoms unless I trust him and he has a working vasectomy and then I would still require blood work and monogamy.
I hate condoms but I'd hate to get sick even more.


angelsback, "easy", well, I sure as heck wasnt meaning to be. Somehow, it just always happens. Sigh.


OOOOPS! How'd THAT get in THERE...AGAIN?
Try to figure out a way to align your actions with your intentions. Things rarely just happen to us.


Again, aimed at the fact that in my experience guys dont wear condoms!


Guys will do whatever you require them to do.
Remember, you are the gatekeeper of your own panties!
I know it sounds like a novel concept but seriously, no one gets in without your say so!
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Can someone tell me, explain it to me?
Posted: 10/19/2009 6:50:47 PM

Is it about your looks? Is it how you act? How you handle yourself?
Is it possible to say there is no sexual connection after only a few hours spent together, and there was a child present?


Of course!
How you look, act and handle yourself plays a huge part in how you are perceived.
How you look, sound, smell and the vibe you're giving off all come into play with a sexual connection and it is almost always instant.
It's about attraction.
I know right away whether or not I'd like a man to kiss me.
It's there or it isn't.

I know you don't want this to turn into an "It's so wrong to introduce a child soon" argument but that would show me a lot about your character and that you have no clue about the inappropriateness of exposing your daughter to strangers and I would personally find that to be a total turn off.

Aside from that, the fact that you couldn't spare half an hour away from your child to go on a meet and greet would lead me to believe that you don't have a whole lot of spare time for an adult relationship.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Woodies vs Moral Ethics
Posted: 10/19/2009 10:44:36 AM

Is she going to hell for this??


Yes for being a hypocrite and her own private hell will consist of an infinity of rednecks with Damiana-induced erections.
 Accidentally In Love
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
sure i like it
Posted: 10/17/2009 2:33:38 PM
So, did you meet? Did the dude look like a lady?
 
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