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OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 41 (view)

Men's guilt Posted: 5/10/2009 9:08:21 PM
you have got areally good point...I started computer dating, because I was spending time with guys,that izzled because of all we didn't know about each other...and didn't work ,in synch...then I had some strange experiences, with people who had kind of imagined what i was like, and were distresssed by my reality

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 40 (view)

Men's guilt Posted: 5/10/2009 8:58:22 PM
i think your experience has alot to do with being pushy...I mean the guy, who pushed you to the wall,with your refusal.The only advice I have is to try to be kind hearted in your reply,by that i mean try to say what you mean, without pushing the other persons buttons...i.e. for example,you seem like a great guy, but wow, what different life experiences we've had.....personally, I suspect him of chasing you, because you don't have or want children...he's divorced right, no baggage???

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 29 (view)

Speed Dating Posted: 5/10/2009 8:50:35 PM
i hate the concept, because it is so superficial.while you can't hook up without some chemistry,the normal way of meeting does pretty much define what you like about the other person and very soon, what turns you off...some have turned me on with great energy, great dancer, really cool at a party, turned off when we met for drinks because he left a wife{long ago} with two baby boys, and never stopped cricticizingthe way she raised them...I turned on a great guy,by really being interested in him as a person, turned him off, because he had teen-aged kids and wanted to spend all his off-work time at teen events, and I didn't...i don't think you can condense real world assessments into 10 minute meet and greet...honestly

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 151 (view)

What exactly does hang out mean Posted: 5/10/2009 8:42:09 PM
I think to "hang out " with somebody is the opposite of having hobbies and social stuff to do with them.I have had "hang out" friends..it is as if there are no demands or expectations in the relationship,also defined as a casual relationship, because of no demands...I've done that, it can be very comfortable

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 115 (view)

WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY?PART TWO! Posted: 5/10/2009 8:35:04 PM
i thank the good hearted people that responded to the wolf...I think how the disability affects you and the other person is very important.i was in a very serious car crash with serious head injuries, and had to relearn walking, which i do very well now.I had a great boyfrind for 6 years.he was a homebody,after long days in sales.i'm an artist...my disability didn.t a...ffect his life negatively.I have been pursued by a much younger guy, very handsome who is deaf...his disability is really impossibl for me, as i'm totally into communication, a chatter-box,in fact,love music etc.As a disabled person myself, I know that one needs to down-size on's life to what one can do...and if it doesn't adversely effect the other person,it can work out okay...bst wishes...i read a really charming real life love story, about two people who had autism, and learned to live together with it, it was different in each..it was a true story

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 606 (view)

for the ladies....can you TRULY say money ain't a factor? Posted: 5/10/2009 8:24:09 PM
Hey, money is a factor, but the really important issue is how many people are you supporting on it, what you expect to have in the new relationship,and how thinly are you stretched, time and energy wise...i was a single Mom very young, and can honestly say that i had no time for guys,or sleep, in school. and working, and no money for sitters....then when I was still young and free,i really liked guys with no other responsibilities, except work....later dated some very fine men, who just about had no life at all...just debts.

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 47 (view)

How do you get deal with being a one nighter to someone? Posted: 11/10/2008 5:11:19 PM
I think you should chalk it up to getting life experience...you did something unusual for you,you disliked the experience...use it to learn about yourself...people don't become themselves in a vacuum. They have different experiences, and how they react, teaches them about themselves.That said, don't view it as a judgement about your worth as a person...its only one person in a sea of billions, and just one experience.speaking of learning experiences,some of my shortest affairs have been the most memorable...i had an affair for a month with a brazilian gym trainer.Don't laugh. i had been in a car crash, and needed rehab at the gym to walk again.the affair occurred several months later, when it turned out that he had to return to brazil... 10 years later, i was in Brazil, in the jungle, and a strange native approached me and said that he knew who I was, that a missionary priest had a photo of me, and insisted that i was an angel.....this native of the jngle was absolutely fascinated to have met ME in the jungle...and as for me, I think I had previously met a different angel.

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 437 (view)

California women: fact or myth? Posted: 10/29/2008 11:43:44 PM
as everyone has stated..the shallow bimbo,gold-digger bunny type exists. that is the type that is used in advertising SO CA...however people, whoever they really are , learn to camoflague their real selves...to pass unnoticed, as butts of jokesI.E. ref. to Saturday night Live. I have known THAT stereo-type look, as a Christian Scientist, chemist {ex-bikini model},worked her way thru two degrees that way, another model, was a woodsy hermit, concert pianist {secret closet activity}.Modeling supported her daughter,after a divorce.I have advanced degrees, love travel and history, but blonded gym rat... with anyone ,you have to look past the disguise.

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 33 (view)

The Best Way to Tell Someone You Do Not Like Him Romantically But Still Stay Friends??? Posted: 10/21/2008 9:46:25 PM
Issues are not clear...in that way. you can have a really hot romance with someone, be all sexy, and totally irrationally snowed or crushed, and know nothing much about that person..for real. you can enjoy someone's company, as a guy, and have a big issue, like just hate how he treats his romances...I have such a male friend. you can be really good friends for years, and have that suddenly go south, and blue, fall madly in love. I married very young, adore being in love and like, and can honestly say that love has many flavors.enjoy it

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 125 (view)

A man who communicates his feelings... Posted: 10/21/2008 9:37:28 PM
My son, at 13, expressed it really well...At 13, an iron mask came down over his face.. I got all disturbed , and said "I always used to know just how you were feeling"...he said thats the IDEA... I don't want anyone to know how I'm feeling...it makes me edgy...

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 68 (view)

How badly (if at all) do you need a companion/S.O.? Posted: 10/21/2008 9:31:54 PM
I am convinced that I need a partner, companion...I am extatically happy if I have one, miserable when abandoned...or lonely. By the way , I have independent means, am an only child, was adopted, married for the first time at 17, with the intent to higher education..did it too... I mention that, because I can take care of myslf. I just hate, not having a special darling person in my life...and I love to have someone else to lavish love on... If I am the only one like this why did I see 50 or so at the vets with best bud, doggie on saturday nite once... by the way, i was at the vets, because I owned the only cat in the world, ever bitten by a rodent, a field mouse... That ought to explain it ALL

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 117 (view)

Why do you stay with men who disrespect you? Posted: 10/21/2008 9:14:26 PM
Bravo Blue Angel for you integrity and courage

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 116 (view)

Why do you stay with men who disrespect you? Posted: 10/21/2008 9:11:15 PM
very, very good... its been said that we all try to work out our problems with others who represent or are similar in character to our parents.. and its not a hang-up...it is exactly that familiarity...it completely explains it all. Also abusers as a species work really hard at setting up the abused... nobody likes you, you have no other friends, things and events are so sordid, you wouldn't dare tell anyone, total control over other person, financially, socially, threats of fights o r threats of private violence... fears of survival...

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 63 (view)

How do I politely tell him his clothes look bad? Posted: 10/21/2008 8:57:23 PM
I have successfully GQed all my guys... flattery works he's georgeous, clothes don't show him off to his best advantage...have his colors done for him... Enthusiastically show h im clothes you think he would look great in... be warned guys definitely have their own ID and look stamp...you cannot mess with that...I got pendleton shirts into amazing colors... he was amazingly colored, dark skin, saphire eyes, brunette. i sent similar coloring to modeling agency... he was living on his last dime... He got $5,000. for ONE saturdays work.. Was oil Company executive... he was just dizzy, with the flattery, justified obviously.i talk alot about how guys vanity has been downsized , since the Middle Ages... All species have GREATTT looking males...I know that guys love looking great... it just true, who doesn't really???...all this is true...It took me 3 years to get great butt into great looking jeans... he was afraid gays would tail his ass, not really farfetched, in fact... good luck... just be a sweet girl and tell him how great he is !!

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Interesting fact about orgasms Posted: 10/15/2008 12:50:24 AM
Comments on good-looking women,who are singlr...courtesy of my son Cris when he was in college...risky, unstable relationship...when you turn your back, someone else WILL hustle her, nerve-racking,because everyone wants her...his solution, find one, not the best, who is available, wants you, and has a very attractive body to you..

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 1003 (view)

Why Do women dump men who are nice to them. Posted: 10/8/2008 9:04:23 PM
Another female point of view....Women do not dump guys, because they are too nice. There are very definitely reasons for the walkout, sometimes, no attraction,other person wants different things,bad timing etc. Conversely women do not seek guys because they are "bad boys",just fall in love with some guy who has major issues about how to treat women...I had the whole ball of wax in one person, to make a point. I had no idea he was seriously interesred in me...i just thought he was quite possibly the "nicest" guy on earth, constantly admiring me, being thoughtful, doing favors,just a sweetheart....should have had a warning there.after 2 years of marriage..He went abusive monster on me...he had seen nothing but that growing up...he was shockingly THE WORST man, I had ever met...he had been trying to reform and failed..it was all the same guy...

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 60 (view)

separated from bipolar husband Posted: 10/8/2008 8:50:50 PM
I have known two bipolar guys...one had it as an inherited mental illness, that he suspected it would come on, at a certain age, like other family members...it did, they were all murderous,, deranged on the topic of $$$ and spending$$$$ that did not exist, driving cars of cliffs, suicidal frenzy...I barely survived that period of time, and I had been warned, and I tried to get out of the way, and failed...the second one i met, and was fascinated by his awareness, brilliance and talents, before i knew about the illness...he had a lawyer. he had run up $200,000. in debt, with no job...I say they are the most dangerous species on earth, because they are psychotic, and don't lose their brilliance or acumen. the intensity is fierce and fascinating...and seductive...and they are SOOOO DANGEROUS... really

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Do you believe there is the one for you out there? Posted: 10/8/2008 8:38:08 PM
I got an M.A. in Psychology in my 30's, and found a really useful way of looking at relationships. there is a kind of perfection in Mr. Right Now. People are at different stages of evolving all their lives,and that ultra-magnetic attraction,has a component of fear in it too. we all learn from the people we are involved with. sometimes we know why the attraction exists, sometimes its on a more mysterious level.But that said,we learn about life, others and ourselves by loving...you may find a prince, you may love somebody who is more like an adopted pound puppy...but love is all good....all the time

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 370 (view)

is there faithful or decent men out there Posted: 10/8/2008 8:29:53 PM
I had an unfaithful boyfriend explain this to me, from his point of view...he had been married twice for about 2 or 3 months each. He was very handsome smart athletic and capable. He said that he fell in love, was very infatuated, then would notice things he didn't like about each woman, and that was just before he started noticing all the other, adorable choicrs, who were flirting with him,or just available.I was his devoted and disappointed girlfriend for 4 years....after a long while, I began to notice a pattern...if he got TOOO really close to me, he would publically flirt with someone else, embarrass me, hurt me, and it became clear to me that it was his little game for avoiding real committment.

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 357 (view)

all guys wants from me is sex.. but not a relationship... why is that? Posted: 10/8/2008 8:21:31 PM
I think that guys have sometimes a wierd idea, of the ONE, they should commit oto,and you are very attractive to these particular guys, but not their IDEA of the ONE.

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

Why does she do it to me Posted: 10/8/2008 8:13:47 PM
Here goes...dating advice from the butterfly...you are really into her, and she needs that security...she doesn't love you.you are a security blanket, for when she realizes how cold and hard the world is when she is out there alone.it is a kind of game, but it is designed to make her feel secure, not designed to hurt you.

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 92 (view)

Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger? Posted: 9/24/2008 8:01:03 PM
God, how really well you expressed that...I actually learn things from the foru m....

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 91 (view)

Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger? Posted: 9/24/2008 7:54:32 PM
no, not different at all...I fell in love at 10 for the first time...got my first kiss ever from him at my 13th birthday party...such a cavalier gentleman he was...my ideal of a guy... Just recently I gave up trying to explain why i put up with a guy,who is phobic about long term relationships, but, what can I say, except that I fell in love with him, and even at his most cruel and hurtful, I remain hung up on him, even tho I see that it is destructive to me...have met so many nicer guys, but didn't fall in love..

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 51 (view)

How to get your mind off of someone? Posted: 9/14/2008 10:40:38 PM
After a few dates, what you are mourning is an idea you had that this guy might be Mr. Right for you...its a common expectation,but he was not THE ONE...so don't grieve...rather than just keeping busy, I suggest making a list of stuff you find really exciting to do, and DIFFERENT, new experiences for...being excited about your own life is the best antidote

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

The Chess Match of dating? Posted: 9/13/2008 4:07:07 PM
I once asked a recently divorced guy if he thought that there was a war between the sexes, and he replied "mortal combat"...I have experienced personally, a dominance battle over control of the relationship and where it is going,and the "terms of the contract"...somehow I think that some of this is normal and needs to be negotiated, like any other aggreement...The word compatible means in agreement.

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Chemistry/compatibility Posted: 9/13/2008 4:02:03 PM
I totally agree with you...chemistry can involve really hot emotions like love and hate, and intense drama...compatibility is being EASILY able to enjoy and tolerate the "otherness" of somebody over the long haul

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 162 (view)

Why do some younger men want to have sex with an older woman? Posted: 9/13/2008 3:48:37 PM
I have since my 30's some really great relationships with younger men, living with or married for 4-5 years...people are individual,also some guys my age, are unpleasantly tangled up with their past....i.e. ex-wives, cjildren, a life.style stage-managed by the ex.... so not really available, even if nice or cute....also it is common in Europe for younger guys to have an older mistress, help in the worldly sophistication department, and usually not needing, career success, BIG new mortgages,lots of extra babies etc. freedom to just enjoy each other as people is not a perversion.

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 35 (view)

sex, is it cracked up to be all the hype you think is it ? Posted: 8/26/2008 1:27:44 AM
I think you are talking about something I'm thinking about alot lately...you say you prefer bonding, relaxing with someone you enjoy... I think the whole problem is trying to remove the personal interaction from a relationship, and replace it with an empty ritual, which can be downright numbing...I think that the desire to merge comes out of the feelings in a relationship, and can't be otherwise. i'm in psch field, and had some interesting conversations with prostitutes, male and female...all said they went numb, became cynical, unable to feel...its pretty tragic that the average person has to experience that emptiness.

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 872 (view)

guys who don't like blowjobs Posted: 8/26/2008 1:19:13 AM
back to the sex as a bodily function, by the social rules of competition problem...sexually connecting is intimacy...what happens between two people ought, to be only what those two connect on, and what thrills them.i think all people are different, men and women,and real sensitivity is super-important...I'm really erotically curios about the desires of somone I'm wild about...and would hope for similar sensitivity...I wish people would stop looking for "the rules", its inhibiting and not helpful to anyone.

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 68 (view)

The new normal?????? Posted: 8/26/2008 1:05:47 AM
somehow, pop psychology has rendered sex as a bodily funtion, a gymnastic event, something to be learned, as a serious skill item, a porno competition...etc. to the point of nausea,my response. i don't think an affair should lose the emotional content, because it doesn't fit the moral majority guidelines,for wed, have 2.5 kids, two careers, and a dog....I think that a passionate attraction is intimate, and intense and really important,and occurs for actual reasons, maybe not apparent to the two at the beginning of it...we can really experience a profound closeness to peple we love for a while, and learn something about life...Personally, I hate "pop psychology", and its effects on people.

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 39 (view)

Why does everything change after marriage? Posted: 8/26/2008 12:52:42 AM
having been married several times, I've got some ,I hope< useful comments...First marriage, we had kids too early, so the focus moved from the romantic life goal,of traveling to faraway places,being creative, add a musician to an artist.We both withdrew from the relationship, because it wasn' t the life we wnted, and we were in a way the victims of the change...death of dreams. The second and third we tried to keep the way of life together that we wanted, got along great, and sexily romantically, WHILE we could live that life...predictably, when the way of life got lost because of jst life events, and priority shifts...guess what...death of the relationship !!!

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Why do they never really listen to what the other person says? Posted: 8/16/2008 5:20:45 PM
There are 2 reasons, never listen !: is there are fundamental issues that you cannot compromise on, but you like the oother person, and there is enough positive going on, that you are not exiting...2: you don't really understand what the other is saying or is really about anyway.Personally I think we all should not get so intimately invoved before we know enuf about the person.we cannot take our hearts being broken, so much without becoming cynical,or worse NUMB

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 56 (view)

An old fashioned notion? Posted: 8/12/2008 7:18:20 PM
to Funny Girl...you are profound Girl...really love reading your hearts-felt thoughts

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 117 (view)

Why do YOU still make the effort. Posted: 8/12/2008 7:14:05 PM
I don't believe that there is just the one RIGHT person for anyone...if you have the capacity to love, yo will love sometimes, and loving someone makes giving 80% worth a LOT.Some of the people I have loved have been changed by my love, often for the better, some so hurt, by my leaving that they collapsed.... I ,in turn, have been changed irrevokably by everyone I have ever loved,into more than I could have imagined...usually. love is worth the effort, and life is worth living, and if you feel that is untrue, than you haven't really looked at your options honestly.Yes, and losing someones love, or a dear friend hurts, but we are usually born solo, and usually we die solo, alone in that experience.

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 54 (view)

Okay to trust -- or leave that brick wall up? Posted: 8/12/2008 7:02:37 PM
I have learned to trust those who have proven themselves trustworthy, and that takes a bit of time to know.Also,worth mentioning I learned to value my loves, based on the effect they had on me, rather than a bio of HIM....some people made me feel secure, lovely, happy, more and better in every way.

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 1032 (view)

Long hair on older women Posted: 8/12/2008 6:48:21 PM
I think there are certain stereo-types about ages that can do this or that... in fashion, including length and style of hair...use a mirror as a guide, accent the positive, what looks good and down-play that which ought not to be exhibited....for example, I have seen newly single women over 45, suddenly deciding that they must look younger, so they radically diet, only to look starved and gaunt, wear skin tight clothing that makes them look shriveled or mimic the fashion styles of the 20 somethings. Ones looks change definitely,but we dont have to look ugly, or silly or age -defined.By the way, I had for the last 10 years, a female neighbor, who wore 2 or 3 new bikinis every year, and who was jolly and by her own counting was 83...her body was svelte, no cellulite and she looked just fine in her swimsuits.

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 62 (view)

Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger? Posted: 8/12/2008 6:36:59 PM
What you are looking for is important...be it the sweetest Daddies for your babies, the sexiest hunk on the block, the most powerful best friend in high places, a networking contact, a goofball to drink with, a phone chat buddy, a car pool buddy, All that is not related to your age.

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 417 (view)

Do men like it when women contact them first? Posted: 8/12/2008 6:29:59 PM
Humans are social animals...go be out and about...be friendly to those who appeal to you...AND whatever happened to flirting...sometimes the forum seems like a search for the RIGHT rules...WHY is that???

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 416 (view)

Do men like it when women contact them first? Posted: 8/12/2008 6:25:40 PM
you are another Woody Allen talented with the gist...

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 32 (view)

Getting Back on the Horse...or...Rebound Management Posted: 8/12/2008 6:00:35 PM
Do not think about it this way.Men are not merchandise...Thus...you are feeling BAD, many feelings, lonely, hurt feelings, rejected, death of your dreams, misc. other feelings relating to your life situation..not as you like it. think about doing things that make you feel good, make a list of things you've always wanted to do, but never did,like traveling to somewhere new,exploring a new hobby, hanging out alot with at least three prople you really enjoy, who really love you....go to parties, dances, try new sports...concentrate on doing things that make you feel good, or alternatively, find a harmless escape,like going to film festivals,zoning out in someone elses fantasies. Time heals all wounds...and new experiences happen to people who are out there living every moment like there is no rehearsal....its all for real

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 205 (view)

Women & Blowjobs Posted: 8/12/2008 5:31:58 PM
I have atotally different theory, and that is that women giving blow-JOBS...notice the wording there are trying to convice "dick-head" of some amazing untruths...such as that women also have****, and can ejaculate, at orgasm,that men who have become impotent, and insecure, because of the frequency of sexual ejaculation, passively experienced,could stray to greeneer pastures if they wanted to...that the sexually drained male is not "fagged" Think about it..

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 54 (view)

Why do some men act interested, then pull back? Posted: 8/12/2008 5:12:38 PM
I've done this myself..I'm a woman,like you.sometimes you learn something about the person or situation,that you think you cannot live with.it could be anything at all...that causes you to back out, because you know for sure that you can't live with the situation.being mutually attracted doesn't guarantee a lengthy relationship...to mention a few of my non-committments.after a fantastic weekend,where he convinced me that he was the absolutely most fabulous guy, I ran into two other females, about my age who had just met him last month and were raving about him, just totally infatuated..not one...I said two. He lived in another state, called me every nite for 2 hour talks..I discovered that he billed it all, and a whole lot else to his widowed Mom, who worked two shifts as a nurse,had done so for the last 10 years...he, by the way didn't work.He had been previously incarcerated for forgery, and identity fraud...need I say more??

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 122 (view)

Dating 3 girls....yikes Posted: 8/12/2008 4:55:00 PM
Once I had a male pal roommate who was doing the same thing,except he wasn't nearly engaged to any of them...as a pal, explaining himself to me...he had the following insights into such behavior...he was at a crossroads point in his life about a new direction...Girl 1] was in law school, very ambitious, not really beautiful or sexy, very ambitious and driven...he half felt like going to law school too, loved the whole thing being a vicarious interest...she was trying to convince him of the ultimate power trip being a lawyer Girl2]was an artist,somewhat older than him,he had an outstandingly creative affair going with her...she pulled out all the stops sexually with great verve and imagination..she inspird himto quit every rat-race and become a free spirit musician, with zero responsibility girl3]was his girlfriend from high school, extremely beautiful, shy, traditional and conservative.She inspired him to propose,and live happily ever after, doing whatever it took financially to pull it off...think about what each girl is about for you.

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Single Person & Dates At Weddings Posted: 8/12/2008 4:42:37 PM
I think that you should just look at going to the wedding as a social party,which it is to celebrate somebody's happy romance....that said...just go, be nice, make a toast to the couple and their future, and PARTY

OCbutterfly

Joined: 6/29/2008

Msg: 113 (view)

3rd date/5th date rule Posted: 8/12/2008 4:35:10 PM
I think the intimacy thing which is disclosing things, sharing emotions, trust etc. are the key factors involved in whether you move to a sexually intimate level...just physical attraction doesn't create sexiness...there is so much more involved...also The vulnerability factor is important...i.e. you may end up sexually involved ,if you are feeling emotionally needy...applies to both men and women..i.e. the desire to be comforted...on the other hand some people I've met play sexual games for competition,or vengence,or ego-trips as a game, not for closeness

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