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 Author Thread: test drive before buying?
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 150 (view)
 
test drive before buying?
Posted: 8/11/2008 1:11:45 AM

JohnSeven:

I am not disputing the importance of sex within a committed relationship; however, sex is only a part of the relationship. No, I have never had casual sex...I know this is not the answer you wanted to hear; however, I can't do...I require an emotional attachment, sorry.

I wouldn't liken Lovemaking to eating (ordinary bodily function)...as Love, or sex, is a choice not a biological necessity.

We are fishing in a large lake here. You're fishing for bass, I'm fishing for trout (or vice versa)...to each his own.

Peace, and good fishing.



I am not schooled in logic or rheotric but im pretty sure you answered a question I didnt ask. Who said anything about sex without an emotional attachment?? If I have dated someone for a month or more there is a pretty strong emotional attachment there, lol (im a cancer, go figure, very emotional)

u didnt answer my question...u ever had sex outside of marraige?
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 142 (view)
 
test drive before buying?
Posted: 8/10/2008 6:47:58 PM
sex is a "goal"?? wtf?? its a NORMAL HEALTHY PART of a relationship.

thats like saying "you expect to eat 3-4x every day...all you are about is food.". Yes, food is a normal part of life....so is sex.

so, seekingbarrie...you've NEVER had sex outside of marraige?


Ive never used the "test drive" line....i've never had to. Ive never expected sex in exchange for buying a dinner. I HAVE expected sex as part of a healthy relationship. The day I beg for sex will be the day the sun doesnt rise. If she isnt into me I wont beg, lol. Ill just move along.
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Living together after the breakup
Posted: 8/10/2008 5:45:34 PM
I wouldnt touch it with a ten foot pole
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 139 (view)
 
test drive before buying?
Posted: 8/10/2008 5:42:49 PM
Being with someone 6 months before sleeping together is WAY different than expecting to get some after 2-3 dates.

if a woman hasnt figured out if a guy is "committed" enough for sex after 6 months, she has issues IMO. She is using sex as leverage against him. There is no way a guy can be accused of "just wanting sex" after he has been with someone for months with no sex, lol...that doesnt add up
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 264 (view)
 
ETHNIC ATTRACTION...
Posted: 8/10/2008 11:15:30 AM

I like all men all colors lol. But a lot of the guys on here I have messaged I guess don't. I wish there was something that said what race of women they prefer before I write a long introduction.


yeah, I like black women, but I also like white women and would probably date a nice Hispanic or Asian if I ran across one.

I cant exactly put "I dig black chicks" in my profile though, lol. The only way Id do that was if I resigned myself to ONLY dating blk girls. The minute you list that you like a specific race, you can just about forget any of the other races contacting you, lol
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 85 (view)
 
The Holding up a Beer/Cheers Photos....
Posted: 8/10/2008 11:02:34 AM
yeah, just what I want...some chick with a beer in every pic with some random bar guy groping her and she tried to crop him out, lol. Yeah, im really going to trust her on "girls night out"
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
social blunders on first meeting?
Posted: 8/10/2008 10:50:47 AM
if they are somewhat shy or nervous thats one thing...they will grow out of that as they get to know you.

if they are disinterested in you thats another. Y go out again?

if they are inherently rude or have no class at all then I dont think id need another date to figure that one out.

oh, another one...if she is bossy or disrespectful of me (or men in general) in any way, shape, form, or fashion, we probably wont get thru the FIRST date, let alone a second one
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 34 (view)
 
his longest relationship was 3 months and he is nearly 38.
Posted: 8/9/2008 11:53:48 PM
maybe he got burned a few times and just went a long time in between trying again.

maybe he has lots of friends and didnt always realize he didnt have a GF (didnt obsess about it)

who knows, maybe he is simultaneously starting a thread saying "Im a single guy with no baggage, should I get involved with a divorced chick with kids?"
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Judging by a picture and getting to know someone
Posted: 8/9/2008 11:36:27 PM
I see his point in a certain way. 1 picture is BS. Anyone can take one really good, or one really bad pic.

BUT, people do look different in person. I know a girl who has tons of sex appeal in real life but she simply does NOT photograph well and if I were going by a pic id never give her a second glance.

how many pics did you have up? If you had one face shot only, then how can you complain?


You also have to remember the flip side....people can end up somehow with one great shot (head shot only) but that shot isnt really representative of what they generally look like. It could be an old shot...could be a glamour shot...could just be a weird angle. Then their date shows up because they got interested from that ONE good shot and they find that the real person doesnt nearly match that one good shot.

So it cuts both ways
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Private about phone number
Posted: 8/9/2008 11:21:46 PM
hehe, everyone acts like its only women who r at risk. Im in Virginia...anyone ever hear of Lorena Bobbitt?


speaking of castration....in a sense it castrates the man when he gives his number and the girl blocks it. Now, he basically cant "be a man" and do the normal process of a man instigating things. He cant even send her a flirty text or just a hello to say he is thinking of her. changes the whole dynamic.

I can tell u this much...guys arent too good at waiting by a phone. If you are even mildly interested and u block your number when u call him, youd better not let TOO many days go by before u contact him again, lol. You are giving the guy no options except maybe to email u which in a sense is a step "backwards" at that point
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Left to talk to another girl
Posted: 8/9/2008 11:01:33 PM
he sounds flaky. was it a date between you two...or was it just a group get together? if it was an actual date and he abandoned you then he is an ass. But you said "not really as dates" so it sounds like u jumped the gun with your feelings. He probably has no idea u were even bothered by him talking to her etc


its probably best for us all to keep our feelings in check until the person actually SAYS (with their mouth, lol) that they are into us. Otherwise we do a lot of assuming/fantasizing and we get our feelings hurt.

if he calls again ask him "as friends...or as a date?"
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 127 (view)
 
test drive before buying?
Posted: 8/9/2008 8:04:29 PM
"I might like you better if we slept together" RomeoVoid 1981


to play devils advocate....what would you women do, how would you feel, when you "wait" and then on your marraige night you find out your guy is sexually dysfunctional or that u r simply incompatible for any number of reasons?

in that case youd be married but in truth youd be "friends WITHOUT benefits"
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Too much or not enough
Posted: 8/9/2008 11:24:37 AM
Im glad u put "relationship" in quotes...because im not even seeing that being a relationship. thats just someone to occasionally chat with
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
wondering
Posted: 8/9/2008 11:21:21 AM
Thread is going to get deleted, but....

I can say that I get lonely doign my 30 min drive to and from work and I definitely catch up on texting or calls at that time. Maybe u r just someone to talk to?

I guess they call that being "friends"? (im no expert, lol)
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Are men ever really too busy?
Posted: 8/8/2008 10:07:30 PM
The main thing I see is that you are 24 years old. You are also very pretty.

So I am not really feeling you being one to sit on the sidelines waiting by the phone for some guys convenience. Surely you can do WAY better than that. At your age and with your nice looks etc I see you more being the MAIN attraction in someone's life. Seems dude is just playing you along.

Look, if you just adhere to what you say in your own profile youd probably dump this guy. The girl in your profile sounds too self confident to come 3rd or 4th in some guys life.
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 203 (view)
 
Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 8/8/2008 7:38:28 AM
does "giving a ring" automatically mean "setting a date"?

Im picturing him giving her a ring and then her badgering him endlessly about when theyll set a date. So in that case the ring itself means nothing.


Oddly, ive seen the opposite side of this coin lately. There is a girl I work with, she lived with one guy for like 12-15 years or something, had 2 kids by him but they never got married. I assume she never got a ring. Now she is with another guy and I dont see them ever getting married either. Why should he, he is getting everything he wants now. Im assuming she is a little low on self esteem or she is just SO easy going that she doesnt push the issue. So she's 40 now...shacked up her entire adult life, never had a ring.

Another girl was with a guy for a few years or something. I was interested in her, lol. She didnt have a ring so I sort of ran it by her 1 time like "uhmm, is he EVER going to put a ring on your finger?". She said "we dont need a ring, we know what we have". I am not sure if thats actually the case or if she was juts embarrassed and covering for him.
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 32 (view)
 
fell for a someone who is spoken for
Posted: 8/4/2008 6:57:56 PM
she sounds like the type of woman I call a "survivor".

They always have a man that they live with. (rarely marry him though) When they drop one its only to go to the next one. She doesnt have the finances to live on her own so he takes up the slack.

a lot of times they sort of get "stuck" together...for instance

she cant leave him because he pays half the rent
She got a used car from his boss and they are paying some on it each week
his sister (or his mom) watches her kids while they work

The men in these relationships tend to be sort of lowlife types...for example they are BARELY making bills and they are already doing without stuff but he manages to buy a bag of weed and a bottle or two every week.

Do you SERIOUSLY want to get involved with her considering the situation she is now in? All youd be doing is replacing him and then the role of "bad guy" would eventually transfer over to you and she'd be texting the next guy 2k times/month


you r 44 and she is 28...ok. Are you like super good looking/sexy? IF not..ask yourself what she wants with someone 16 yrs older.
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 60 (view)
 
Call his friends baby!
Posted: 8/4/2008 4:58:23 PM

JohnSeven, if you have a gf would you still call your females friends baby or babe? sorry just curious.

btw my males friends do call me babe when im single but when i was not single they stop and i really respected that of them. I never asked them to stop either, they did it on their own. Smart men i say :-)



Well, lets be real here...I havent had a GF in a while...why do u think im on this site? lol

seriously though, I have only actively used those terms recently.



I dont think life is as black and white as u seem to want to make it. Its not so well defined as to be a book somewhere that has hard and fast rules for when to use terms like "sweety" or "sugar"

Like, if the cashier and the Quick n Plenty uses it on 350 people one day, how big of a deal was it?


If thats all u have to worry about in this relationship then I say u r doing well



if I had a GF would I call a 19 yo waitress "sweety"? I guess it depends on the particular GF and if it seemed to bother her or not. Then again, would I want HER to call some guy "baby". Hell no...that wouldnt fly, lol
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Call his friends baby!
Posted: 8/4/2008 1:22:24 AM
Well AFAIAC it IS slightly flirty in the sense that id only use it on someone I like as a friend.

and I know it becomes a case of hair splitting but there is probably a difference in intonation or inflection when used casually with a friend as opposed to intimately with a lover.
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
How to go from friends to more than just friends?
Posted: 8/4/2008 1:11:07 AM
drink more booze
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Call his friends baby!
Posted: 8/4/2008 1:08:44 AM
here in Virginia it is used quite indiscriminately. for instance yesterday in a convenience store the checkout lady said to te guy in front of me "is that all baby?"

in that case I think it only confers familiarity.


lately at work I call a lot of the girls "baby", lol.

my sense is that it is used more among lower income brackets, lol.

and yes, on occasion guys use it on each other...like if one guy makes a good shot in basketball he says to his friend "how u like me now baby?"


Also used for the opp sex on a "friendly" (not dating) basis is sweety, sugar, dollbaby



'Babe' was one of the most intimate names one of my girlfriends ever called each other
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Transition from dating to boyfriend/girlfriend
Posted: 8/2/2008 12:00:28 AM
true..she seems to be dropping hints. Nevertheless..every time I go ahead and "step up" to voice my feelings I tend to get shot down due to the old standard "its 2 much 2 soon" or "im not ready" excuse.

and once the guy offers and is rebuffed the writing is sort of on the wall
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 25 (view)
 
ok ladies...whats the process? going from dating several to only one?
Posted: 8/1/2008 10:17:20 PM
If you care enough about a girl to devote your time to her, why dont you do what it takes to become the "only one" while you can?


huh? I didnt follow that exactly.

my basic issue in the past has been that (as a very standard clingy cancer zodiac) I want too much too soon. So its very hard for me to sit back and relax and let nature take it course. I am just trying to understand how to do that.

So its not like im not doing what I can...generally I do too much too soon. (overanxious?)

My fear has always been that while I try to sit back and chill, that some other guy will step in and sweep her off her feet or whatever.

Its too damn hard, lol. Like after it goes 3-4 days with no contact im ready to just blow it all off. I figure she must hae something better on her agenda
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
ok ladies...whats the process? going from dating several to only one?
Posted: 8/1/2008 3:52:32 PM

So many guys expect you to chase them and work out their schedules.


GUYS do that??? holy sheet, lol. My experience says its the opposite, lol.
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
ok ladies...whats the process? going from dating several to only one?
Posted: 8/1/2008 3:14:21 PM
sometimes "easy to get along with" translates into "sucker"...or "easy to walk over"
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Hi, need some advise on opening convos with women
Posted: 8/1/2008 1:51:42 PM

I think that telling someone that they have a nice smile or pretty eyes isn't being sexual.
The rest if finding out what she is interested in and talk about that.


I guess what I meant was that if there isnt at least SOMETHING flirty thrown in the first message from guy to girl..that he wont have good luck. at least I havent.

James Brown said it "come on like u should..come on with your come on"

Then again im 41 and never married so obviously Im clueless, lol
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Hi, need some advise on opening convos with women
Posted: 8/1/2008 1:10:41 PM
you mean talking to them on POF or in real life?

I keep seeing the "rules" for POF and I must say my short experience doesnt agree with the rules. The times I wrote several paragraphs mentioning her profile and interests I got no reply. The times I wrote "my compliments, you are very beautiful and you have sexy eyes" (or whatever) I got a response.

go figure.
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
ok ladies...whats the process? going from dating several to only one?
Posted: 8/1/2008 1:06:28 PM

And...erm...the one (for me) won't mind that there were others before him in the same way that I won't care about the others he had before me.


Im not worried about others BEFORE me....Im worried about others DURING me, lol
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
ok ladies...whats the process? going from dating several to only one?
Posted: 8/1/2008 12:58:20 PM
Yeah, I suppose I am 'weak' for wanting to be the only rooster inthe henhouse, lol

its funny...us guys are supposed to be the ones without feelings and we r supposed to just want casual sex. Sometimes its the opposite. There is so much casual sex available all around....its ridiculous. If I were into that why on earth would I be here on a dating forum? I could get casual sex from dozens of girls at work...hell, without even leaving the property! But thats just it..at my age im looking for more...but im not TOO good at sharing something I care about.

Im not crying sour grapes...I am just trying to understand the game from a womans point of view. What is a womans view of a "normal" way for her to progress from non-exclusivity to exclusivity
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
ok ladies...whats the process? going from dating several to only one?
Posted: 8/1/2008 12:32:56 PM
So ladies, lets say you are 'dating around'? For arguments sake we'll say you have 2 guys on the string already. They are ok, nice guys and all and better than nothing (sorry, I have no clue how women think)

So now a third guy comes along. So maybe you start to like him a little more than the others.

So what is the process by which the other two more or less get dropped and the 3rd guy actually becomes "your boyfriend"...your steady...your man?

In other words how many dates is it going to take before guy #3 moves ahead? What happens to the other 2 guys? do you keep them on the stringer "just in case"? Do you tell them "ive met someone and its getting serious"? What time frame are we talking about here?

What if you are already sleeping with one of the first 2 guys...or kissing regularly etc? What then? you keep him around or drop him cold or what?


I ask because this is something I struggle with. At my age, we are already so busy with this and that, its hard to even have time to see someone when there is no one else in the picture. Then you factor in that she is ALREADY seeing a guy or two so she is like "I can see you for 30 minutes Tues after next". Is that really what its all about?

I struggle with messaging, then calling, then meeting...all the while knowing that she is doign those same things with other guys. Ok fine, its true that I dont expect women do be nuns year 'round while waiting for Mr Right. of course not. Naturally they want to meet people and go out and have fun.

So when they do meet a guy and start to really like him....how soon or how long before it becomes exclusive?

Me personally I am old fashioned....one guy/one girl at a time. It wouldnt sit so great for me even if we did get to be serious to find out later that "oh yeah, I was sleeping with Jim for the first 4 weeks you and I dated". That wouldnt go over so well.


So, maybe this is the real question. How do you ladies expect MR Right to be acting and feeling in the early days of a relationship after you have told him you are seeing other people. Like, maybe you tell him that on the first date or whatever before u really start to get into him. Is he just supposed to be all chill with the fact that he is maybe only going to speak to you briefly on the phone 1x per week or get one cryptic message from you per week...all the while as he knows you are seeing other guys. How long is that process supposed to take?

I guess I just need help understanding all of this from a ladies point of view. So you meet a nice guy that you feel has some good LTR potential...but u r already casually seeing a guy or two. How does it work from that point?? Me personally...if she only has time to speak or message me or at least SOMETHING like once per week, it just aint gonna work...especially if I know that time is going to someone else.

You are all looking for that "good honest man"...that "decent man" who is not a player. Fine...so when your good, non-player man, how should he react when he sees you dating other people as u get to know him? In some cases that good honest man will react with his ego and he might start to give out some play of his own to "even things up"...but in that case you both lose out IMO.

Help me to understand the normal process
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
have i doomed my new relationship with hormones???
Posted: 7/31/2008 12:41:03 PM
as far as ruining it...the worrying will hurt it way more than the quick sex might have
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Guyspeak - Is this what he is really saying?
Posted: 7/31/2008 1:25:09 AM

what is wrong with a man of that age - never married, no kids,


I agreed with you up to that point.

Would he be more "normal" if he was getting thru his 2nd or 3rd divorce with 2-3 kids scattered around?

Im 41, no kids, never married....so I suppose something is "wrong" with me too. My dad, on the other hand, was on his 4th marriage at my age. I suppose then he was "normal"?


The guy in this thread sounds like a smooth operator to me. He is succesful and the OP is just another token of his success. Me, I'd struggle dating a female version of him.
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
How Old Is TOO OLD?
Posted: 7/30/2008 1:52:40 AM
there are disadvantages to waiting.

in 41...no kids...never married. Of course I HAVE been in love before and I still believe in love. Though I have been hurt and dissapointed, Im not jaded.

What do you think my odds are of finding someone remotely my age who isnt married and has no kids? not too great

So I am looking at dating divorced women with kids. Ok, fine...my fault for waiting (for living like a monk in my 30's lol)

But another problem that comes with it is the jading....they just arent really expecting to "fall in love" and be all into someone. It gets to be more like some business transaction and they want to date other guys and me at the same time. Im old school..if you and I are dating im not trying to be thinking of you sleeping with some other guy the night before. or you being on the phone with him saying all the same things to the both of us. or you answering his messages when you come online and telling me you were just "too busy" to answer mine.
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
He said... She said...
Posted: 7/30/2008 1:15:40 AM
even before the sex it was "way too much too soon"

talking daily for hours on end before actually meeting....nope, you still dont know the person so how can u possibly discuss any future with them?

scheduling a first date that is going to last 3 days?? where were u planning on letting him sleep if it didnt go so great?

letting him jump u the minute he walked in because "he couldnt wait"...wtf?
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 147 (view)
 
ETHNIC ATTRACTION...
Posted: 7/29/2008 8:07:27 PM

Well ..ummmm that's because most blacks in the US haven't a clue where they came from, Nigeria, Sierra Leone, Angola? It's
easier to lump us all together and say "Black".


True, but neither do "whites". I asked this "white" girl today at work if she was German. Obviously she is of Germanic descent but isnt the type to think on those type of things. So she says something like "hell no, Im American". She has no clue of her background

I told her that the only "Americans" would be native indians, lol.


Thats why I dont even like the term "white"....it means as little as the term "black". Do I look like a blond/blue Ken doll? Im part cherokee, part German....Ive never heard it stated from family members but obviously there has to be some Italian or Greek in the mix as well. Yet im just a "white" guy? So I am the same as a scandinavian guy or a Russian guy or Irish guy because we are all "white"?


I had some of these same conversations with my mother as we sat in a mall food court and I openly admired all the nice black women there, lol. I had to tell her "uhmm, im ALREADY MIXED". In her head we are just "white" but im a mixed breed no matter how u cut it. (like in the old westerns when half indian/half white people were called "half breeds") Id be more of a quarter breed I guess, lol
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Relationship Communication Advice
Posted: 7/29/2008 7:31:58 PM
u ever try to simply tell them youd like them to reach out to you?

maybe u r setting the precedent that youll do all the initiating


then again, some girls simply will NOT call a guy etc
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
fighting
Posted: 7/29/2008 7:27:53 PM
who would curse at a sweet looking cutie like you?

wait? u cursed at him? did u hit him with a frying pan?
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
How has dating become what it has????
Posted: 7/29/2008 7:13:37 PM
When did it become that dating is just about hooking up and going out on a date means that a guy will meet you for 5 minutes to see if your good looking enough




then in your profile it says:


Im single, looking, but Im pretty picky because I dont believe in wasting peoples time or affections. I am completely Irish and German so if you like a good looking blonde with gorgeous freckles then Im the gal for you:) A good looking country boy would be great lol.


pot calling the kettle black?

you are plenty good looking enough...if they are only staying 5 minutes its for some other reason
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
How do you determine if a guy is truly interested in you???
Posted: 7/29/2008 2:05:19 PM
cuts both ways.....guys can directly ask a girl if she has a boyfriend and she can say "kinda sorta"..or "not really"..or "not per se" or 50 other things. After she answers he still has no clue
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 124 (view)
 
ETHNIC ATTRACTION...
Posted: 7/29/2008 1:58:16 PM

Finally, until you have lived as a black person, you will never know what we go through. I will never know what you go through either. For those who think its over, go out with someone black to your regular hang out. Better yet, bring a black person to one of your family functions and see the change in the atmosphere.


true true ..but it cuts both ways bro.

for example, youll NEVER know what its like to be the only white boy in a black church. But I do, lol. Oh surely those good church going folk wouldnt be prejudiced against whites would they???? naturally a certain % didnt want to see me there, lol. of course I didnt worry too much because a certain % of white folks dont like me either

I am amused when people think the word "racism" means "whites hating blacks"

I worked at a textile mill for 5 years and trust me, I was a bigtime minority. Id be the only white guy in a breakroom with 25 guys in it. U think im deaf? u dont think I can hear "white boy" from a few tables away? The black guys didnt have any problem discussing how whites are evil etc..all while im sitting right there. They all wanted to say how blacks had it sooo hard (waaahhhh) while whites had everything handed to them....I was like "damn bro, I seem to punch in on the same clock you do".

Currently I am the only white male in my dept at work. You think the average white supervisor is going to call out a blk worker for having low production?? not usually, lol. He knows the race card will immediately be pulled. But what about me?? hell, if im not doing my work and half of someone elses everyone thinks im lazy, lol

youre right..its not over....but it cuts both ways.



Me...I like blk women...my family and friends can like it or lump it.
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Relationships between competitive and non-competitive people.
Posted: 7/29/2008 1:16:37 AM
I had this really great friend online for 5 years (she passed away). We used to play some online gin and scrabble and stuff but after a while I quit because I really cared for her and didnt want to be competitive against her, lol. I didnt want to beat her because id feel sorry for her even though she didnt care and she would destroy me in scrabble anyway.

Im pretty competitive but I dont want to compete against a good friend or spouse. I compete against myself usually. (MPD, lol)
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
How aggressive should a guy be?
Posted: 7/27/2008 8:39:33 PM

if a guy hasnt set up a meeting/date within a week of the first email, then he gets skipped over. I dont have time to be someone's back burner girl.


then again we can find 20 threads where a girl says "omg, he tried to set up a date the 2nd time we emailed....whats his issue??" lol
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
How aggressive should a guy be?
Posted: 7/27/2008 8:20:44 PM
James Brown said "come on like you should....come on with your come on" lol

I think sometimes a guy comes on strong at first because he is sort of "winging it"...then when he gets really interested he can tend to become slightly gun shy
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
How aggressive should a guy be?
Posted: 7/27/2008 7:48:05 PM
thanks Amy


At that point, I would throw the ball into her court.


What about, after several nice emails back and forth I just volunteer my cell # and give her the option to call or text is she wants to. To me that is a gentlemanly way to do things...then again maybe I am just a punk, lol. It puts the ball into her court but it puts ME on the "waiting" side which is BS.

Im definitely overthinking it

I have always tried to NOT put pressure on people.....but anyone who gets anywhere in life has to pressure people at some point. Even looking intently into a womans eyes is pressuring her to a degree

so would u rather have a guy ask for your # or just volunteer his? the downside to volunteering it is when the call or text doesnt come, lol....puts u on the defensive
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
How aggressive should a guy be?
Posted: 7/27/2008 6:43:02 PM
We all know guys are generally the "hunter" or "aggressor" in a dating situation.

So how aggressive should he be? Girls generally want a "take charge" guy...correct? But then we also hear of guys who r too pushy and demanding

It can get a little confusing when you read the different views of different ladies. Me, I am just never sure of any correct protocol for calls, firming up dates, emails etc.

for instance...common issues.

1) how long to speak to a girl IRL before asking for her phone #? Some say ask the first time you speak to her. To me that feels sleazy, lol. Like, if she gave ME the # after me saying 3 sentences, how many other guys got it that same day?

2) online: Say you float the idea of a date and the online person shows interest but you've only exchanged 2-3 emails. Should you go ahead and try to get a firm date for the date? Its seems sort of double edged. Like if you wait longer to get to know them you are labeled as a wuss or momma's boy but if you push too hard you run the very real risk of scaring her away or seeming needy...or u get labeled as a player. and if she sort of shuns that first advance it sort of puts a damper on the whole thing.

3) emails. tough one for me. I sort of favor an "1 send one, you send one" system. So what happens when all is seemingly going well but then they read but dont answer that last email and a coupel days go by? lol. It sort of puts u in a bad spot where you are waiting on them. You dont want to send another email like you are desperate...but the silence can be deafening as well. Could be they changed their mind about you and lost interest...or it could be nothing, lol. Maybe they didnt see anything in it to respond to so they didnt respond.

4) calls. sort of the same as emails. Im not sure if its male ego or what...but im just not going to call much more than a couple times without those calls being returned. Why should I call 50 times without her returning the calls? There again, if u DONT call and a week goes by, the window is closed, lol.


I guess most guys and gals just develop a system where they dont care?? lol. in other words they just talk to many people at once therefore no ONE person holds power over their thoughts? Seems sort of weird to me.


thoughts, ideas, feedback, examples?
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 56 (view)
 
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/27/2008 1:11:34 PM
Ill put it out there, even if it jeopardizes future dates, lol: Im defininitely NOT where id like to be financially and "at my age" it does cause me some self esteem problems. I keep hearing how "money isnt everything" but it doesnt ring true when I hear it.

Neither of my parents gradded HS or had any money in either of their families. My father basically died penniless last year. No will, lol. So that sort of gives an idea what type of "headstart" I got in life.

So thru my twenties I didnt care. I didnt know what I didnt know. I partied a lot figuring something would work out. I did 4 years in the USAF thinking I could write my own ticket after that....what a joke. As you know, life doesnt just "work out" and nothing falls into your lap.

So around age 30 I quit partying and starting trying to get things together. Its been a hard slow process. Only in the last few years have I started to overcome negativity etc and to learn about success principles. I have come a longggg way in certain areas but I was so far behind to start with that im still not anyones model of success.

I have taken baby steps into entrepreneurship since I know punching a clock is a dead end. First I ran my own computer sales and repair biz out of my apt. Now I am doing personal training but its been an incredible struggle. I have found that my character has had to grow tremendously..and it has...but the $$$ hasnt grown to anything worth bragging about. You have to be SUPER charasmatic to draw clients (or dates) to you. But you arent going to be super charasmatic unless you really have your act together. So far my baby steps have had "futile" written all over them, lol.

SO basically I am a blue collar guy by day and trainer at night...but the PT biz is such a struggle that basically in my current situation it isnt worth mentioning.

So where does that put me? I feel I am a great guy all around and id be a really nice catch for someone. I am very intelligent but I have never tried to apply it until the last few years. I am a hard worker and am also working hard to better my future...but that future wont be here within the next few weeks, lol.

So where does that leave me in relationships? Sure, I may be ok looking and have a funny and witty personality. I carry myself well. Im going to show up for the date neat and clean and looking sharp....but the bottom line comes when I show up for a date in my beater car and she shows up in a Lexus. You ladies telling me that wont be a problem?? I find it hard to believe.

Im not suave as far as knowing all the hot dating spots and im damn sure not a player. I dont know all of the smooth mannerisms of the rich and famous. Im not going to sit and chat about my condos and my stocks...though id like to in the future, lol.

Yet, I am 41....I cant really "wait until im succesful" in order to date...that might take years, lol. I want to date "successful" people who will help pull me in that direction. Damn it gets complicated, lol.
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
no sex..how long?
Posted: 7/27/2008 11:10:27 AM

Hi . im chris. whats? the time limit on sex 30 days 60days? Ive been seeing a girl for 7 month's and been in the shower togather bed togather and new years eve party motel naked and no sex.Just beautiful kiss's and this girl was in the entertainment business. I dont get it. I have help her study for school test at my house. I truely love the girl for whom she is now and what she wants to become. im older by 22 years. but i didnt pick the age just her character. she comes from a familly of 11 and they are a train wreak. but that doesnt matter to me. only she does. she has coled off also just wanting to be friends for a couple of month's. I feel like Im being Played. and she doesnt respond to my tx's or phone calls except when she's ready. got any advice to turn this around and how long. And I do believe she's trying to connect to me a little but still searching.


dang bro, just walk away. There are all kinds of nice women your age with tons of sex drive, lol. Entertainment biz and a wack family? are you a masochist?
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
First Date Shallowness...I really need some help on this.
Posted: 7/27/2008 11:03:55 AM
why wouldnt u simply put a one liner in your profile about it?

"btw, I sometimes need to wear a hearing aid.....but dont worry, I dont use it during
sex"

or whatever, lol
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Hair raising dates? Ever had one?
Posted: 7/27/2008 10:51:08 AM
I see all these threads and I was thinking that ive never had a really wack first date. Then I did remember one incident. This was with a lady from "real life"..not online.

This was back when I was like 27. She was 14 years older, which I didnt know when I approached her because she was really pretty in the Olivia Newton John mold. I figured she was maybe 35 but she was 41. (my age now)

So we go out. I think our first "date" was just breakfast after working 3rd shift one day. That went pretty smoothly. So then at some point that week or later I went to her house for the first time. We still were barely getting to know each other...hadnt kissed or anything like that yet. So we are sitting in the living room chilling and someone knocks on the door. She goes and peeks thru the curtain and doesnt open the door, lol. Instead she steps back and is standing in the kitchen looking sort of nervous.

Then she starts walking back towards me being quite, tiptoeing. She comes over there and im like "who is it?".She says "my ex husband". Hehe, no, that scenario had never occured to me before

I mean, I hadnt been there but like 20 minutes. I was thinking "what the hell have I stepped into here?" lol

turns out he lives down the road and has a drinking issue...hence their divorce. Evidently he was just upset seeing a new car in her driveway.

At first I sort of brisked up like "Do u want me to go out there?"....I was getting ready to lock horns, lol (I was young). She was like "nahh, dont worry about it, he'll go away".

So I snuck a look at the guy and then I felt sorry for him..he was all skinny/alky looking. A nun could have beat him up.

Anyway, we did date for several months and it was nice while it lasted and she was a great and sweet woman....but that WAS sort of a freaky beginning, lol.
 JohnSeven
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 209 (view)
 
Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive?
Posted: 7/26/2008 8:21:52 PM
I wonder if online dating is even healthy in the long run. for example, one of the standard characteristics of succesful people is positive expectation. If you go into something basically KNOWING it probably wont work out, then you are basically doing the opposite of what succesful people do.

perhaps we could say that SERIAL online dating isnt too good, lol
 
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