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gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

Interest in a girl...how do I approach her about a date Posted: 11/22/2009 9:20:05 AM
1) Talk to them both at the same time. Invite the frind along on the date. 2) Refer to number 1. 3) I didn't understand any of that. If you are interested, then go for it, lol. 4) Would you guys like to go to the movies tomorrow? Start with that, lol, then keep your options open. Women like bold.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

Trust/Lying Problem Posted: 11/22/2009 9:12:13 AM
She doesn't hate you, she is confused. I do not want to be insulting, but the definition of a coward is someone that acts with timidity, and that is what you did. When you were called to stand tall and stand your ground, you chose to take the timid way out and tell her something that you thought she wanted to hear instead of the truth. What you did was show her that you were not strong enough to face her, and you put her on a pedestal that you cannot reach anymore. Going to her with your hat in your hand is not going to work here. If you go at her with more timidity, then you are only making matters worse in her eyes. You may have done too much damage already to repair, but if you grow a little backbone, admit to her that you had a cowardly moment, and tell her that it won't happen again (as in, I discovered something about myself that was disturbing and am fixing it - as opposed to - I am intimidated by you and am saying this to make you like me) then you have a chance to not only fix things, but improve them. Then after you say it, resist the temptation to explain - it will unravel everything. See, never explain yourself - your friends don't need it, and your enemies don't care. A Leader makes decisions, and then moves on down the path he has chosen. Be a leader, not a marshmallow that spends hours making her scream in agony by explaining yourself to her.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 21 (view)

Interpret a text message Posted: 11/22/2009 9:02:16 AM
You need some self confidence, badly.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 37 (view)

Do relationships go in a straight line anymore? Posted: 11/17/2009 4:53:51 PM
You've had two long term relatinships, many on here have had ten, twenty, a hundred? After a while of playing, they get tired of the enjoyment of the game and just want o go to the end of the season, get laid, and move to the next one. It's sad, sick, and destructive.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 182 (view)

seeing guy for 2 months and he still on pof Posted: 11/17/2009 3:23:39 PM
PoF is not your issue. Why are you acting so controlling toward him? You resort to manipulation to force him to drop his profile on here? You browbeat him to make sure that no other women look at him... or is it that you hate that he might find someone better looking than you? I have some questions... 1. Why are you on here asking for justification in trying to attach the ball and chain, 2. If he is not allowed on here anymore, why are YOU here, and 3. If you and he DO get together, will you trust him out of your sight? Or will you try to treat him like a captive puppy? He is with you, or he is not. Jealousy is the fear of being replaced. Jealousy is a good emotion that protects a family. Envy is wanting to have something and hide it in a box, safe and secure and yours, yours, yours. Envy is a rotten emotion that destroys.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 21 (view)

Current girlfriend keep insisting on meeting my ex...Drama Drama Drama!!! Posted: 11/17/2009 3:12:31 PM
Big drama. Wow. Some advice. First, put your current GF in her place. All she is doing is manipulating you becuase she finds it funny and you pathetic. Your ex sounds like a racist pig. I can't stand racist people, never could, they turn my stomach. Sadly, most of the most outspoken racists I've met lately were black. Some were so disgusting in their opinions that they were hard to even be in the room with - and I CERTAINLY would never invite someone home with that attitude. Me, I'm white, my ex was black spanish, and she never acted like that, but people rarly thought of me and her, an old redneck white guy and a spanish newyourican from the Bronx and to hear them talk about her... I just thought she was a beautiful spanish lady, they seemed to think otherwise. Not everyone, mind you... the worst and most disgusting comments all came from black people. It was hard after that to talk to black folks, knowing how they feel about white people, and hearing the comments and anger and hate and murderous comments. I wasn't raised that way, and it still shocks me.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

Complicated Girl Question Posted: 11/17/2009 3:01:37 PM
Dude, um, why are you so insecure? You need a life to invite her into. This sounds like the hero abandoning his quest to try to move in with the demsel and who gets upset when she gets annoyed at him. Go after your quest, show the demsel that it is wonderful and interesting, find out of you cna trust her to not abandon you when you need her the most, and she will, or will not follow. Quit acting like a kid chasing after his mommy.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 39 (view)

I can't take this anymore! Posted: 11/17/2009 6:31:31 AM
Nice. You come to a forum at a dating site, meet a woman that tells you a sob story and you beleive it. Why is she asking advice, legal or otherwise, at Plenty of Fish, a free online dating site? Perhaps her story IS as she relates it. It's not. It is her side of the story. You only have one isde of the issues, and offer all this nice cuddly advice. Have you seen police reports? Do you know if she is making it up? My guess is that you have no idea. To the OP. I've worked with abuse victims for years. I've worked with mentally ill, rape victims, and just violent people, men and women. I've seen court cases and results and broken homes. I've also learned a few things in my day. Children of single mothers account for almost 80% of the prison population. There are always two sides to a story. The victim is almost always also the aggressor. 99% of the people in these relationships will make the story worse in order to get your sympathy.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 19 (view)

Second marriages, do they work? Posted: 11/16/2009 8:37:10 PM
Oh, people end up divorced and unhappy because they say, "I do," and what it really means is, "Let the internal power struggle begin!" With no structure, organization or leadership - EVERY marriage will fail.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

Second marriages, do they work? Posted: 11/16/2009 8:35:41 PM
I was married to a woman that accused me of being cruel, angry, arrogant and violent. Don't listen to her. I was cruel because I didn;t let her have her way. I had plans for the household and they were well thought out, worked over and agreed to - then she wanted to change everything at the spur of the moment and I said no. I was angry because she would make promises, and break them, leaving me, and everyone around me, up in the air. She said I was arrogant because I made the rules in the house, just as she had agreed to let me do when we married. She said I was violent because when her son attacked me, I kicked him out of the house. I didn't hit him, I called the police and had him removed over his AND her objections. No one assaults me. So to hear her speak, I'm a horrible horrible man. Yeah. Had I spoken to her ex husband before I married her, I would have known better.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

Suffocating Men Posted: 11/16/2009 8:00:34 PM
They don't trust you.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 668 (view)

are women playing GOD when they become pregnant Posted: 11/16/2009 7:51:09 PM
You date little girls and expect them to act like adults? HAH!

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 34 (view)

I can't take this anymore! Posted: 11/16/2009 7:48:57 PM
Do you always fight him on everything? Do you look for reasons to start something? Do you oppose him at every turn? Do you push his buttons and get him so upset he pops? My guess is that the answer is yes, and he told you he burned the agreement (your agreemen, not his) because he knows that you are fighting him, and if you would stop and pay attention to what you are doing, everything would be better and he would not lose the investment he has in you. But my guess is that you will ignore me too, possibly attack me, and try to fight with me. Won't work, but that is my guess. If he were smart, he would give you everything on the condition that you move far far away and never try to talk to him again. Oh, I also think he should take the kids. Oh, one more guess. You were raised by a single mother. I bet I'm right, it really does show.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 24 (view)

Emails with EX Posted: 11/16/2009 7:39:00 PM
"Did she happen to tell you this info by chance?" Hey, I am thehead of my household. Simple as that. I was married for years, and was a damn good husband, and the reason for the divorce was... almost unavoidable. But WHILE I was married, I ran my house. I provided a safe, secure and happy enviroment that my wife flourished in. Has she asked me what you just said, when we were together, if I had checked her emails, I would have said, "Why yes, I did. Would you care to explain them?" If her response was, "You don't have a right to..." then I would know where I stood. See, if I am the provider, not only in an income but in a house, support for the things she needs and wants to do, and the companion she desires... and I trust her to raise my kids and provide a safe, secure and reliable household to them, then I have a personal interest in EVERYTHING she does. She is not just a woman that is sleeping with me, and going home at the end of the screw, she is my wife, a part of me, and someone that I am responsible for - and her promises to me give me the right to look into her affairs. I have to rely on her just as much as she has to rely on me, and SHE would look into my affairs, and rightly so, if I were doing something that threatened her future and safety. If you feel otherwise, then go get a supply of condoms, and a good divorce lawyer, you will need both. Today the world is not a nice safe world - not when 1 out of every 100 people you meet are HIV positive. Closing your eyes and playing house is deadly in this world.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 23 (view)

Emails with EX Posted: 11/16/2009 7:30:58 PM
No, you need to man up, set some rules and see if she respects you enough to follow them. Otherwise you need to go to Victorias Secret, get some panties and a nice skirt, and plan on being used the rest of your life.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 22 (view)

Emails with EX Posted: 11/16/2009 7:27:36 PM
Bull shazbat. She has been emailing him, times to tell her to go see him, get it out of her system, and come back if she doesn't sleep with him.... not to come back if she does. You need to draw a line in the sand and force her to make a decision.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

Hooked on having a FWB? Posted: 11/16/2009 7:25:28 PM
My last wife had a FWB that she met before we married, and was still with after we divorced. Seems she didn't think that I should have been upset about it. After all, she was just sleeping with him and lying to me. Now, if I hear that someone I date has been a FWB or hs one, terminal relationship, right then, right there.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 59 (view)

She's a rock wall... Posted: 11/8/2009 3:20:02 PM
Try something. Go Super Aggressive with her once. Get too close to her as you are standing. When you hold her, do it strongly (not to hurt her), and be physical - as in brush against her strongly. Do not say please, just do and expect, and see what happens. She sounds like she likes aggressiveness and demanding - and is turned off by mushy and lovey stuff. If she does an about-face, know that this is how she is, and who she likes. Then you have a decision to make.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 29 (view)

Moral Dilema Posted: 11/8/2009 3:10:04 PM
Perhaps she was setting him up anyway. Try to talk to him alone after things calm down.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 28 (view)

Moral Dilema Posted: 11/8/2009 3:08:20 PM
She did it, not him. She was testing the waters and making you go away.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 73 (view)

Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath? Posted: 11/8/2009 3:06:57 PM
There are other stages. Honeymoon where everything is wonderful. They get all of your attention and loving. Often, getting you to spend too much to buy her things to make up with. Normal, the part that they hate. Normal is just until they get tired of it. It will degrade into unreasonable demands, and jealousy. Attacks over finances is common. Button pushing, and this is just what it means, the abused has to respond, has to get angry, NEVER the abuser. The Abuser will work fraying the abused nerves until they finally raise their voice or get angry. Fight, and it is what it says, she has carefully planned it, knows what will happen, knows her alibi already, and has everything prepared in case someone gets involved. My ex would freak out and demand to be taken to the hospital, even slapping herself or rapid breathing until she was faint and her heart rate was way high. The reason she does this is to not answer questions to the police, and to give her an audience and sympathy in a legally admissible environment. See, even though the doctors cannot testify, the records are admissible including doctors and nursing notes. Then, knowing she has achieved her goals, she will trick the man into making up and start the honeymoon again. But, this is not sociopath behavior, it is just abusive behavior. A sociopath is MUCH worse.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 72 (view)

Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath?? Posted: 11/8/2009 2:56:14 PM
A sociopath is someone that thinks of themselves first, second and last. They have few morals, and really don't think that you have feelings. They protect themselves aggressively and will counter any logical argument with a flurry of accusations - mixing truth and lies seamlessly and putting you on the defensive - the best place for them to have you. If you corner them, they will already have an exit plan, and it will probably include physical, legal, or mental damage to you. They also have a really great and often "world face," or the face that they will let you see until you are securely under their finger. You can expect sex to be used as a weapon, or withheld at any offense. Food, damaging groceries, damaging the car, destroying the house, ANYTHING that gets you leaning on them can happen. They do not care, to them, it is simply a playground and you are a toy to be used. You may never see the real face behind the world face, but if you do, it is NOT pretty. If you set rules, they will work against them, but not openly. If you have kids, they will turn them against you, slowly. If you have friends, they will abandon you, one at a time, and over time - she will work it against you. She will isolate you, manipulate you, and often become deadly... let me say that again, Deadly... if you try to leave her. To meet her, she seems perfect. Friends will tell you how wonderful she seems. Only you will see the inner her, and when it comes time to oppose her or die, you will quickly find that no one will beleive you in what you say about her. Police will take her side, and you will find that she has documented everything including toothpaste purchases in case that particular receipt is needed. If you are mixed up with one of these women, get legal help, a restraning order, and figure a way to get her to lose her temper in public in a way that will be documented... if it is possible. Yes, I fell in love with a sociopath. Married her for 8 years. Was beaten, abused, nearly killed. When we broke up, she took the kids, abused them in my name, and told everyone she knew that I was molesting them - not overtly, subtly. If you think of the worst soap opera nightmare and multiply it by 100,000, then you are not even close.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 67 (view)

He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned? Posted: 11/8/2009 2:43:11 PM
Why are you asking us? You should be talking to him.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

lack of trust and harsh accusations Posted: 11/8/2009 2:41:16 PM
Sounds like she is setting you up.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 82 (view)

A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go? Posted: 11/8/2009 2:39:18 PM
Change the lock. If she says anything, tell her that you could let her stay if she works for you. No bathroom, no bedroom, YOU set the rules and tell her what they are. Now, what I fear, is that if you were to talk to her ex, that you will find that the things she has been telling you are totally skewed to her favor, and if you press her she will go on the offensive. So, cover your ass, bigtime.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 347 (view)

Why don't men date single mothers...the answer Posted: 10/29/2009 10:15:41 AM
You do realise of course that this is not the reason why the vast majority of marriages fail? No female in her right mind mind leaves her mate to draw child support and welfare. Why on earth would anyone want that life for their children or themselves? Statistics show that from 1975 to present, from 65% to 72% of the divorces filed, are filed by women. In college educated couples, the divorce filings were as high as 90%. It's pretty clear that the momen blame the man for the failed marriage, and you are no different as evidenced by the general tone of your response. Of the men that I spoke with and read about, they cite lack of commitment by the woman, lack of communication, open war over decisions, and infidelity as the primary reasons that she left. In my personal case, three marraiges, three women cheated on me, risked my life and health, and three women filed for divorce because I was upset with them. The thing most said to me by all of them? NO man is going to tell ME what to do. or, the wonderful, "You are NOT my daddy!" Just as a side note. the first married a killer. (not a joke) The second married a "man of color," who let her do anything she wanted, becuase he was too busy smoking crack. The last one, well, now THAT one is interesting... after trying to get me to pay her 60K to go away quaietly, she married a trucker that was on the road 24/7 and now she gets the paycheck and never has to listen to the guy. That reads like you assume that when a marriage fails that it is the woman who "screwed" it up. Is that what you are implying? Why would you get that impression? Of COURSE I am saying it is because she screwed it up. Is it lopsided to think so? I only have my personal experience to go on, and that experience is that I was loyal to the end, a good husband, a good provider, always tried to keep the lines of communication open, and almost always sought the long term solutions to difficult problems. I was the kind of husband that I had seen my entire life from my family who are mostly all still married. I married girls that were all from broken families and they had no skills, no willingness to work with me but had to have everything their way, closed off, selfish, and looked at marriage as a game they could play until it grew uncomfortable and they figured they needed a fresh start with a new victim. I never caused a divorce, adn fought them at every turn. I look at marriage as a long term investment in time, sweat, blood and tears, an investment that grows every day in love, comfort, and compassion to the benefit of everyone - until old age, where someone you have walked the road of life sits with you, and enjoys the ending. children should be not pawns that go to whoever is the more aggressive. 80% of single parent homes are single mother homes. "A 1990 study by the Progressive Policy Institute showed that, after controlling for single motherhood, the difference in black and white crime disappeared. The Village Voice found that children brought up in single-mother homes "are five times more likely to commit suicide, nine times more likely to drop out of high school, 10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances, 14 times more likely to commit rape (for the boys), 20 times more likely to end up in prison, and 32 times more likely to run away from home. Many of these studies, for example, are from the '90s, when the percentage of teenagers raised by single parents was lower than it is today. In 1990, 28 percent of children under 18 were being raised in one-parent homes -- mother or father, divorced or never-married. By 2005, more than one-third of all babies born in the U.S. were illegitimate. Today, more than 40% of all births are to single mothers. The divorce rate for the married young mothers is more than 60%, and of those, 80% get the child or children. 95% of school shootings are done by children raised in homes where the biological father was prevented from helping raise the chidlren. Children are 3 times more likely to be fatally abused in Mother-only Households than in Father-only Households, and 73 times more likely in households where the mother cohabits. In mother only households, the median income is 18,000 and the number of children fatally abused was 806. In Father only households, the median income was 31,000 and the number of children fatally abused was 9. Of the 278 male perpetrators of fatal child abuse, only 30 were biological fathers, whereas 78% or 768 of the 984 female perpetrators of fatal child abuse were biological mothers. Thus, compared to biological fathers, 32 times as many children are fatally abuse by females and 25 times as many are fatally abused by biological mothers. A study called NIS-3 reports that natural mothers are the perpetrators of 93% of physical neglect, 86% of educational neglect, 78% of emotional neglect, 60% of physical abuse, and 55% of emotional abuse. It also shows that also shows when the perpetrator is a non-natural parent, that males [read: non-biological fathers] are the perpetrators of 90% of physical abuse, 97% of sexual abuse, 74% of emotional abuse, and 82% of educational neglect. Source, U.S. Department of Justice Bureau of Justice Statistics In two-parent families, children under the age of 13 spend an average of 1.77 hours engaged in activities with their fathers and 2.35 hours doing so with their mothers on a daily basis in 1997. Children in single parent families spent .42 hours with their fathers and 1.26 hours with their mothers on daily basis. So do I blame the single mothers? One researcher, a female, made the comment, "Imagine an America with 60 to 70 percent fewer juvenile delinquents, teenage births, teenage suicides and runaways, and you will appreciate what the sainted "single mothers" have accomplished." And I agree with her. Why? I got to watch my ex wife abuse my chidlren hurt them, drug them, use them to sell drugs. Every time I made a complaint, I got the same response. The kids belong with their mother. She's better equipped to raise them. Don't fight it, don't waste your money, no judge is going to give the kids to a man.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 342 (view)

Why don't men date single mothers...the answer Posted: 10/29/2009 1:20:04 AM
Well firstly, that is because the vast majority of single fathers are the non-custodial parent. I am seeing that changed. Men are being FAR more agressive in the divorce and taking the kids. What is sad is that women are far less likely to willingly pay the child support.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 341 (view)

Why don't men date single mothers...the answer Posted: 10/29/2009 1:17:24 AM
The reason why women say that is because men are less apt to accept another mans child. Never had a problem raising another man's child. I am less apt to accept a woman that has already screwed up a marriage. I am alsays looking for the thing about her that made him quit trying.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 340 (view)

Why don't men date single mothers...the answer Posted: 10/29/2009 1:15:06 AM
My next door neighbor, sweet lady, is a single mother. She was married, but got a divorce because her husband was "Abusing," her. She got the house, the kids, and the car. How was he abusing her? They were friends of mine for a couple of years, and I saw it all the time. She would take off with a bunch of guys, screw them, get drunk, and come home at 3am and get angry with HIM becuas he got upset with her over it. I loved it when she would say, that rottten SOB has NO RIGHT to tell ME what to do! How DARE he! So. now she puts her kid to bed early, and sleeps with random men who don't exactly pay her, but do cover this bill or that bill - out of the goodness of their heart, you understand. She is much happier now with the child support check, and the Spousal Support and the random "Gifts," that help her make ends meet, while STILL talking about her ex like he is a dog. Oh, what about him? He works his rear off every day, gets to support a family he never sees, gets to pay the way for a son that he is no longer around. Of course, she told the judge what he needed to hear to force the man to stay away, so all he gets to do is live in poverty, pay her bills, and enjoy the life he has been screwed into until the kid reaches 21. So I really have no pity anymore.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 339 (view)

Why don't men date single mothers...the answer Posted: 10/29/2009 12:57:57 AM
That was the one thing I didn't like about dating divorced men is they are extremely bitter. Men hold onto things as much as women do. My first attempt at a beautiful and wonderful married life ended with her trying to have me killed because I left her because she tried to kill me. What is really sick is that even though the police were involved in the investigation of her plot to kill me, the state STILL gave her the kids! It seems that attempted murder that was not a conviction was not enough to prove her a bad parent. That she had the kids selling drugs at the school playground the next year really didn't matter either. I tried again, this one was cold as a block of ice at times, and used sex as a tool. She refused to be my wife, and it was an argument on everything. The third attempt at a loving relationship with kids playing in the yard, ended with her trying to take my house from me, lying to get a restraining order on me, and doing her best to destroy my health plan to hurt me. She WAS nice enough to offer to let me off the hook if I paid her 60,000 to go away quietly. When I refused, she drugged me, and used a drug I was allergic to, and I ended up nearly dying. So, well, I haven't dated anyone in over five years. It seems that behind every sweetheart face lies the workings of a selfish, self centered, controlling, sex manipulating monster waiting to happen. I keep hoping that one day a female will prove that she is a woman, then prove that she is a lady. But with the stupidity I see, and the raw nerve that I hear even on here, it's not likely to happen any time soon. So, when I see a female that leaves her mate to draw child support and welfare, just because she refuses to work WITH him, and work as a TEAM, but would rather fight tooth and nail for what she wants and ignores the needs of the family, it makes me sick all over again. I'm 43 years old, and after all the hurt, pain and anger... the fights and arguments and unreason... the attempts to make peace and happiness out of a living nightmare, the days crying because my kids were being assaulted, molested and abused and the state allowed and took her side on it, I no longer look 43, I look 58 or 59. So, yes, I'm just a little bitter.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 158 (view)

Traveling Alone? Posted: 10/26/2009 7:26:58 PM
I enjoy travelling alone, but I prefer with someone. Last year I did a trip to Kansas, by every back road I could find, and in June my plans are to go to Alaska then to the Grand Canyon for about two months. Anyone want to go with me?

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

Florida Holiday for singles? Posted: 10/26/2009 7:23:50 PM
Discovery Cruise Lines on Fort Lauderdale. They do a bahamas cruise for about 150.00, and then go to Busch Gardens. If you are looking for nightlife, then try Downtown Disney, or, Key West. Be aware you need a passport card (about 50.00) to go to the bahamas now.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 20 (view)

question when a male friend reads a profile Posted: 10/26/2009 7:14:18 PM
I love how it always goes to control freak. What is that anyway? Is that the emotion of feeling let down when a girl you are interested in puts an ad on a singles site? That's control freak? Sometimes I am so glad I am still single.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 117 (view)

Any single RV rs here? Posted: 10/25/2009 7:44:01 PM
I'm looking for an RV right now, and also looking for a lady that would like to explore with me and my daughter. My first trip was from Florida to Kansas, and the trip in June will be to Alaska

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

Can men and women still get to know each other as friends Posted: 10/25/2009 7:20:47 PM
I have a lot of female friends. Some are my intimates - in that they are close friends, but none are sexual with me, it screws things up. As for gambling on dating. Well, me myself, I have both qualifiers and dis-qualifiers. My qualifiers are, is she serious, is she trustworthy, is she flaky, is she dangerous. Is she serious? I have no desire to "play" with anyone who is not serious about a LTR. It's a complete waste of my time. I don't need sex, and can do just fine being celibate until I meet someone that is desirable and meets the other qualifications. I've had a bellyfull of female games and power plays, it makes me sick in it's pettiness. Is she trustworthy? A little conversation will determine that. If I hear, "no man is going to tell me what to do," I know that if things get strange and scary, I will not be able to concentrate on improving the situation, I will also have to worry that she will go off on her own and screw things up. A predictable end to a predictable disaster. Is she flaky? If she has no idea what she wants, or changes her mind in world altering ways on the spur of the moment, she is going to me a nightmare to work with. Is she dangerous? If I hear from her that she has FWB's or has cheated, then, to me, it's over. Right then, right there. Cheating is a serious lack of self control, serious breech of promises, and if the partner that boinks her has HIV or Herpes, then, it can be deadly to me. I'll risk my life to protect ANY woman, I've proven that by serving in the military, but I will not risk my life because some girl has peanut butter legs. Is she wants to spread them for everyone, then she can spread HIV on her own to others, not to me. As for successful relationships, it is easy to find out about them. Talk to anyone that has been married for years, and you find out a few key things that work out for both of them. Ignore them to your own determent. First, There has to be someone in charge. No, not a dictator, a leader. One person, it is mostly him, but can be her, that approves major decisions. One person that always keeps on top of things. A point of contact for the world if you will. Second, The person in charge is only in charge because the other puts them in that place. If the man is in charge, he is only there because she makes him fill that role, and he can only fill that role if she agrees and does so willingly. It is, to me, and speaking from experience, the ultimate in betrayal to put the man in charge, then pull the run out from under him if you disagree with him. I am not saying do illegal things if he asks, but if he needs you and it is uncomfortable, you should still do it. Willingness to say no. I've seen marriages dissolve into feces because the man was not willing to set the goals of the family, and keep everyone to them. Sex, using it as a tool, to manipulate, to punish, will kill a marriage in days. It may be that you stay together longer, but the marriage is dead. No one likes being used. Wow, that seems like a lot of work doesn't it? Well, it is, if it's done right.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

Are most men,truthfully, just wanting friends with benefits? Posted: 10/24/2009 8:41:53 PM
I keep hearing that. Not trying to judge someone, I've never figured out who o what is behind such a silly statement! Look, you judge the person based on profile pic, and on what they write, and on their tattoos, and on and on and on... then say, I don't judge people, but judging is to form an opinion or estimation of after careful consideration. You judge everyone, and SHOULD judge everyone, if for no other reason than personal safety.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

Hmm got a questions Posted: 10/24/2009 8:16:22 PM
Why are you dating a man that goes to bars? And why are you dating a man that drives while he is drunk? Why do you not thing that potentially killing someone by operating a 6000 lb weapon while drunk is no big deal? Why does it just not bother you if you were going to make it official? See, I have questions as well. I also have answers. My cousin was killed by a stupid a**hole that didn't have enough sense to not drive after a "day of fun," and partying.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

How do i ask him if something is wrong? Posted: 10/24/2009 8:12:30 PM
Sounds to me like he got a dose of reality, and cannot seem to figure out where you will fit into his life. Talk to him - and be aware that he may initially reject you, then come back after he has had time to think. Find a place for yourself, and help him, it will help.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

Are most men,truthfully, just wanting friends with benefits? Posted: 10/24/2009 8:09:48 PM
You are not behind the times. The world has changed out there, and men no longer are able to trust women. It takes a lot to build a relationship that will last a lifetime, and it also takes fortitude, caring, investment and involvement, and seeat, blood and tears. Then, you invest it all in it, and two years down the line, she up and decides that you are not her "one," and takes half the house, one of the cars, and moves in with her boyfirend she has been dating for weeks, while the guy goes to the clinic to see if he is going to die from somehting she gave him. Yeah, um, been looking a while myself.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

Do you think everyone needs a vice? Posted: 10/24/2009 8:03:31 PM
Maybe he eats with his mouth open. Now, WHAT, may I ask, is wrong with that? You girls are just too picky!

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

Do you think everyone needs a vice? Posted: 10/24/2009 8:01:52 PM
Perhaps the things that you like and he likes, would be a vice to another?

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 20 (view)

guys self proclamations Posted: 10/24/2009 8:00:46 PM
Crap, I just say, Hey, I'm UGLY, but I grow on you.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 56 (view)

what is your greatest dating fears? Posted: 9/19/2009 1:40:07 PM
1. Dated a girl (one date) that had a history of sleeping with the guy, then screaming rape and damanding money to say she lied when the police arrive. 2. Went out with a girl that was sweet (or so she seemed) but while we were dating - met a guy in a bar, slept with him, then told me in an email she was moving in with himn (this was two days later). My greatest fear? I am looking for a long term relationship. I am terrified that I will put two or three years of work into the relationship, marry her, then have her turn on me. Oh, wait that happened too. She wanted 40K to go away quietly. I guess my greatest fear is being with someone that does not care as much about me and I do about them. Or, it could be marrying someone that is so headstrong and argumentative that life with them is a nightmare of arguments and fights over nothing. I really do not ever want to be a house at war.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 24 (view)

Can you handle me? Posted: 9/19/2009 12:59:49 PM
Hey, you need to meet some men that are mature. I had to laugh, what a stupid thing to say to anyone - but then remembered that one lady said that to me once. I THINK what she meant was this... "Can you handle me?" Translated: I'm going to be a pain in the rear for as long as you know me, and you are going to constantly be battling wills with me until I get fed up with losing all the time, and then I'm going to dump you for someone else and blame you forever for not being man enough to handle me. Date me, and welcome to the war. Yeah. Um. Yeah.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 83 (view)

is it him or me?? Posted: 9/19/2009 12:53:50 PM
Wow, you are insecure! Would you like to also castrate him, put him in blinders, and wrap him in fabric infused with your scent as well? Or, perhaps, you may think about getting a life, some self confidence, and grow up a little (well, a lot actually)

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 19 (view)

Guys, At What Point Do You Imagine This -? Posted: 9/1/2009 7:51:13 PM
I like cute. I prefer cute inside. Looks fade, but a woman that can be energetic, pleasant, and laugh... that makes me smile with my whole everything.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 21 (view)

this is about cars...can you auto savvy guys help me? Posted: 9/1/2009 7:48:55 PM
What kind of car is it? Make, model, year.. and I can tell you.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 19 (view)

this is about cars...can you auto savvy guys help me? Posted: 9/1/2009 7:42:48 PM
I'd say bring it over, and I'll take a look. But there is an easy way. Does the noise happen only when moving? If it happens while you are sitting still, then it can be a belt, or a bearing on your alternator or water pump. If it does not happen sitting still, then... Drive slow. Push the brakes very easily. Does the noise get better or worse? If it grinds more, or gets quiet then you need brakes. If it stays the same, then you need a wheel bearing. Take it to Sears and ask for an estimate and they will tell you what it wrong. Even if you can't afford to get it done there, Sears will be honest with you, and help keep you from getting ripped off.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

Serial monogomist vs never been in a relationship. Posted: 9/1/2009 7:31:52 PM
I've been single for 8 years now. I rarely if ever date. Nothing to hide, just not too happy with the choices.

gideon_70

Joined: 9/9/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

Serial monogomist vs never been in a relationship. Posted: 9/1/2009 7:30:53 PM
Serial polygamy is the term. She lseeps with a guy, adn then leaves to sleep with another a week later. Does she get tested for STD'S? Does she tell the next guy that she is HIV, herpies, and probably ten other illnesses positive? Or does she just do the bloody mary thing and make them all sick. I could not see myself EVER dating a woman that does that.

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