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lucialefluer

Joined: 7/6/2008

Msg: 329 (view)

Why do some younger men want to have sex with an older woman? Posted: 10/7/2008 2:52:57 AM
msg. 307: There wouldn't be any need to ask each other's age if the two people are 10 years apart. It's obvious almost at first sight. Also, there aren't too many people far apart in age who have "common interests". A 25-year-old dude is likely to have very different interests in foods, sports, music and entertainment than a 40-year-old cougar. That goes without saying. For the most part, when you see a great age disparity of more than 2 or 3 years, any "relationship" is purely for sex and fun. The woman is in for a rude awakening if she thinks otherwise. . . . .. I really cant see 2 or 3 years as being a reasonable measure of "disparity" in age as you put it. I consider my peers to be basically 15 years upward or downward of my age (which really cant be said of all age brackets) and, when it comes to dating, once I get past the ten year point in either direction the social barometer does become more sensitive, but your remarks are absurd; particularly the point that anyone involved with someone more than two or three years apart in age is in the relationship purely for sex and fun. How many MARRIED couples fit that demographic? And, age is not always obvious to people who are just enjoying life and trying to connect with people, so sometimes you do end up having to ask... I get hit on by younger guys way more often than older ones.... They are always surprised to find out that I am not the same age as them. When I say younger I do not mean twenty year old children. I mean MEN who are younger than me by eight to twelve or so years. I met a guy today that struck up a conversation with me, started joking around with me, and then asked me for my phone number. We met at a place that would constitute "common interests"... We ended up talking for about forty minutes, because after he asked for my phone number, he walked me to my car. Which, happened because he very gingerly, sweetly, and masculinely, insisted upon doing. He was tall, attractive, and very engaging. I did not even consider his age because he did not look like a twenty something, nor did he look like a senior citizen, he was being fun, attentive, and charming. I live in the mountains and that has been an issue for some guys, so I was way more concerned about geography than age, so I enquired about his residence... that led to him talking about how long he has been in Colorado, which he correlated with a reference to his age. He is 32. I am 44... Now, had that reference not been made I would not have known, asked, or cared. At some point down the road it would have come up, but there was nothing glaringly obvious for either one of us. When I determined his age I just laughed and said, "Oh....... your a pup." So, naturally he asked my age. When I told him, he actually did not believe me. He was unfazed by the age difference and still wants to get together...to do things we actually do have in common. Okay, I am sure there are guys my age and up that COULD approach me in this same manner, but they DONT... They are often tense, preoccupied, or just not that bold... No sweetness, no charm, no chivalry. For some reason I almost always get hit on at Whole Foods; the guys that approach me there are always younger than me... the older guys that frequent that place are almost never even willing to make eye contact, or even smile back, just out of courtesy if I happen to just smile at them. This is fairly standard to most places I frequent, but I mention Whole Foods in particular because the older guys there are actually attractive and in shape, and I will often see one that catches my attention, but they are just soooooo closed. There is nothing about my demeanor that screams, speaks, or even whispers, desperate or easy, and my financial status is not obvious, at all, as I do not wear brand names, or flaunt expensive jewelry; I make a lot of my own clothes and jewelry, and drive a kind of beat up Jeep or a Honda, (depending on what I am doing). So I hardly think they are after a "nurse or purse" when THEY approach me. I am in no way preying upon these guys to make myself feel young.. (THEY PURSUE ME) And... I already feel young, and look and act that way, (which may be why they pursue me in the first place.) I am active, playful, healthy, and sensual. More so than many people younger than me. I do not date around at all. I am exclusive and committed when it comes to physical intimacy, and I expect the same in my partner; I get to know someone and get established in a relationship before I share my body with them... So it cant really be said that the young guys I get involved with are doing it just for the sex, or to make me feel good... My relationships with younger guys have lasted 5 to 7 years each. As opposed to my relationships with older guys that were all less than a year...... With the exception of one guy, the last few guys my age or older that I was involved with, were much closer to the definitions that have been posted on this thread about the way younger men supposedly are with older women: They were looking for someone to take care of them, basically anxious about, and preoccupied with, sex, (even if they couldn't perform well- or get it up at all), immature, commitment phobic, and don't know how to treat a lady. PHUCK THAT!!! Especially when you add to that, they were not as fun, open minded, or playful as younger guys. And they are tired, over wrought, and actually more intimidated by me and competitive with me than any young guy I was ever with..... No thanks. They obviously don't represent the entire 45 to 60 year old male population, but............... well.........um............thats my experience... and as I stated on an earlier post on this thread its about energy not age... NOBODY wants to be with someone who they are essentially incompatible with and ultimately either bored or annoyed with.. For many people compatibility does have a lot to do with age... but not everybody...I would love to find a guy my age that has all the points of the younger guys I have dated but I am not limiting myself to that... I believe we are meant to enjoy life and experience LOVE... and thats what I intend to do... There are people of all ages, gender, and ethnicity that exploit others , that get taken advantage of, that are easy, desperate, that just want sex and fun, that are validating themselves in some way with their partners... whatever....and so what...... Everybody is, at some time, capable of these behaviors (whether they engage in them or not)... but people of all ages, gender, and ethnicity are also capable of falling deeply in love with, and/or sharing portions of their lives with people slightly, or even wildly outside of their personal demographic.... its called LIFE... Live and let live. The Sufi's call it the dance of the Gods... which I think is really splendid! Shine on

lucialefluer

Joined: 7/6/2008

Msg: 34 (view)

Improper English and/or Grammar? Posted: 10/4/2008 2:06:59 AM
Ethnea, Were you an English major? And, are you an INTP (Briggs-Myers-Keirsey-Bates) OR both... Lots of INTP's are English majors. "INTP's exhibit the greatest precision in thought and language of all people; they tend to see distinctions and inconsistencies in thought and language instantaneously." From the book, Please Understand Me, Keirsey-Bates I am an INTP and I can relate to your points. I am a strong communicator and can get bored with those who aren't. I usually get bored though as opposed to annoyed. If the content of the writing is engaging enough , I can tolerate the lack of proper usage. I am much more interested in clarity than brevity. Which is why I have no interest in this instant message method of ATTEMPTING to communicate. It's so fragmented and out of synch... Even when I send text messages from my Blackberry Pearl, which has tiny little keys that have way too many functions/symbols per key , I prefer to use the correct words and grammar. Many people find us, as, or more, annoying than you find the ones who cut corners. The fast paced push button, flip of a switch, high speed lifestyle that we are accustomed to has made many people lazy writers, lazy readers, lazy listeners, and lazy thinkers. However not all lazy writers are bad people or necessarily lazy in other aspects of their lives, and although your assumption seems reasonable, it is basically conjecture; There are some really great, exciting, successful, accomplished, wealthy, creative, driven, busy, non lazy people, who are lazy or limited writers. Having said all that.... I will say that when it comes to attempting to establish communication-in writing- for the first time- with someone you are hoping to continue to communicate with- It would seem like they would polish their act a little... But lets face it, one of the key points of on-line dating is CONVENIENCE... which for many... automatically translates to COMPLACENCY... Which may be what you are really responding to in general, with the little linguistic shavings as a trigger point; based on severely limited information, basically a single paragraph you've written, I would assume that you have probably had to do more than your fair share in life, and have had trouble receiving, and allowing yourself to be vulnerable and dependent. And perhaps have had to live in the service and or shadow of one or more complacent and/or lazy people-and now you have a pretty sensitive radar to complacent behavior and/or lazy people. Complacent is different than lazy. Lazy LACKS energy, drive, enthusiasm. Complacent is comfortably deluded into thinking they are doing or being more than they are , and usually at some body else's expense... IF, and this is a huge IF, because I made this analysis based on extremely limited information, IF this is the issue... Its a defense mechanism to prevent you from getting into a lopsided relationship where you you end up doing all the doing.. and particularly with someone who is enjoying the benefits of that... Unless there are other factors raising your stress levels and lowering your tolerance in general... ALWAYS trust your agitation.. its telling you something. I am not encouraging you to be critical or rude to any one, and also pay attention to the content of their writing, as well as other points relating to their personality and temperament.... But always trust your gut. Even if nothing I have said is correct, and you are simply an over critical, anal, perfectionist, (which I seriously doubt) you still need to listen to your angst... its a filter. You could send them a reply that appears as a bounce back that says: This is an automated rejection: The mail system has determined this message to be too great an assault on the intelligence of the recipient, and the english language in general to be deliverable. Please edit and re-send...

lucialefluer

Joined: 7/6/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

Women who feel they are giving sex in return for something bigger! Posted: 9/16/2008 12:30:30 PM
Well I hate to be the heavy messenger here... but.... sex... IS a tool!!! Its also a weapon... And... a toy... A bargaining chip.... An act of discovery... A rite of passage... A mistake... An EXPRESSION of- Love - - Hate - - Sorrow - - Tenderness - - Violence - - Joy - - Pity- - Dominance - -Submission - - Remorse - - Lust - -And almost any other emotion, known, or not known, to man- A request for - Validation - - Forgiveness - -Marriage- (instantly or ultimately) It's also a DRIVE... ranking right up there with sleep, hunger, and breathing.. which basically means that survival of the race is dependent upon it. So... although one, or even a few individuals can survive without it.. the species is dependent upon it. And... because we are so complex in our evolved states of development, we all strategize and negotiate differently to feed and/or spend our sexual energy. Females are hard wired from a very primal level to establish a "nest" in which to procreate. And the "procreate" wires are tangled up pretty tightly with the "sexual activation" wires in their very complex systems... So from a very primal and often unconscious perspective, most women select sexual partners that will build them the type of nest that meets all of their conscious and unconscious criteria... whether they are ready to start creating a family or not.... or even if they never intend to. The nest building criteria for every women is substantially subjective to her extremely complex and often very convoluted internal make up... So for one woman it can mean marriage, and lots of material accouterments...or, just marriage... or lots of space, and time to herself...lots of sex... not much sex.. et. And whether the sex is something she feels she is RECEIVING as part of the deal, or GIVING as part of the deal, has to do specifically with her internal scripting and personal criteria... which.... she may, or may not, be fully conscious of... So she may feel LUCKY... or... SATISFIED... or... PRESSURED by the amount of sex she is engaging in... regardless of whether she is actually enjoying the act itself or not. But....from a conscious level most people like to feel as if they are getting someTHING and getting someWHERE. (Particularly us self-centered, entitlement assuming, egocentric, materialist, pleasure seeking Americans.) So... status quo can feel like being ripped off to some people, even if it's a great relationship that has stabilized to status quo.. There are some very interesting strategies to manage this kind of behavior, but most can and often do, back fire. Soooooo...... Basically... you (OP) have been given notice.... heed well warnings that warrant willful wanderings.........ahha... say that five times fast... Shine on...

lucialefluer

Joined: 7/6/2008

Msg: 109 (view)

First Date-Met On POF-Click-Her Place-The Unexpected Posted: 9/11/2008 10:18:26 AM
Thanks Aurora!!!! I needed a really good laugh!! That was a gut grabber!!!

lucialefluer

Joined: 7/6/2008

Msg: 108 (view)

First Date-Met On POF-Click-Her Place-The Unexpected Posted: 9/11/2008 10:13:22 AM
Ok, just so I'm clear...I had a similar experience with a guy on a first date, he went to the bathroom and I (admittedly a wee bit tipsy) got nekkid in the living room, put on this realllllly sexy deer antler helmet, a 12 inch strap on and covered myself in body glitter, turned off all the lights and crouched in a corner waiting for him to come out the bathroom. When he came out I spring from my corner and started singing/screaming Tina Turner's "What's Love Got To Do With It?" and you're saying a man may NOT be turned on by that on the first date? That explains sooooo much!

lucialefluer

Joined: 7/6/2008

Msg: 82 (view)

Why do some younger men want to have sex with an older woman? Posted: 9/8/2008 11:19:43 AM
Yeah I just recently tripped over this term "Cougar" .... whatever.... I ended up dating young guys.. NOT because I was/am desperate, but because I was in school for something like a million friggen years, and as I got older the crowd around me stayed young as people my age graduated and moved on I was still with the kidos ...and I LOVE to dance, mountain bike, rock climb and PLAY pretty hard... so most of the groups of people I was around were just younger. The guys that were pursuing me were in these groups... (Imagine that) and there was no shortage of them... many of them were surprised to discover the age difference... so I think they were just going after what they were attracted to regardless of age. I made a major mental mistake not too long ago: I decided to try to date within a few years on either side of my age range, heres what I discovered: MOST, not all, but MOST guys my age are BORING, cant keep up with me, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, or even financially, and especially SEXUALLY. The young pups are so damn hot you cant resist them. They are often way more open minded, AVAILABLE, and FUN!! They are quite often broke, but they don't usually mind if I make tons more money than them (Older guys are often intimidated by this), and at least their money is not all tied up paying their ex wife's and children's bills! Which is another great thing about younger guys they dont usually have as much baggage. As far as maturity goes... age is not the gage.... A lot of older people lack the emotional/social sophistication and maturity that many younger people have in much the same way they lack computer or other technological skills... Younger people often have had a lot more exposure to MANY facets of love, sex, and life in general as well as experience that the older folks haven't or don't have. I did date a guy who was almost antiquated (way older than me) not too long ago, and it was kind of nice feeling like a spring chicken all the time... Which is the one thing that really is lacking when you are the older one... But that certainly wasn't enough to sustain a relationship. Although there seems little evidence to support it, I am sure that there are older,mature, guys that are FUN, exciting, HOT, and stable, to lure those cougars away from the pups... And every pup has his own reasons for preferring an older woman, but actually I think the bottom line is energy... We all have various levels of ENERGY- emotional, physical, sexual, etc. and it only makes sense to find a mate that matches your energy NOT your age. Shine on

lucialefluer

Joined: 7/6/2008

Msg: 248 (view)

so many men just don't know how to do it! Posted: 9/4/2008 12:22:35 PM
I am guessing that R.O. is short for Radial Orifice, or Raging Orifice which could apply to either the entry point or exit point of your alimentary tract, since there seems to be little distinction in your case- based upon what comes out and what goes in... Maybe it just stands for Roll Over which doesn't require any activation of more than two brain cells... Perhaps you should change your user name to DELUSIONAL!!! Shine on... (If thats possible)

lucialefluer

Joined: 7/6/2008

Msg: 118 (view)

WER'S DA MOS FREAKY PLACE U'V EVA HAD SEX???????? Posted: 9/4/2008 10:45:30 AM
OH MY GOD I kan juss heeyerr booty princess speeking. Shee muss sown lik da chik frum wyte mens kant juhmp. I am in awe of how ridiculous you make yourself look. Dis iz foe Rockmysocks ---early holiday cheer!! Wuz de nite befo Chrismus and all ober de hood, ebber body wuz sleepin ey wuz sleepin real good We hunged up weez stalkins and hoped like de heck, dat sweet Sanny Clawz gonna bring us our check. Now awll de famblee wuz layin in da beds, while thunderbird wine danced all fru dey heads Ize past out on de flo rite nex ta my maw, when I herd such a fuss I thought “Theyz must be da law” I looked out frue da winda mize rag coverin me doo, I spected da sheriff wiv a warrant or two. I say yo !!! Look at dat! Dey wuz a huge watermelon pullt by giant warf rats. And ridin dat melon wuz a fat daddy dude, wid a big black bag fulla junk and free food. Faster den da poeleece, my homey he came, he pushed on dem warf rats and called dem by name: On Jamal, an Jethro, an Darius, an Jerome, on Bobby lee, Denastreius, Malcom, an Moe. As he layd down dat watermelon out dere in da skreet, I knowed it wuz da damnedest site I eber seed. He didn’t go down the chimbley- stead in pickdid da lock on my doe, an I sez to masef “Sht! He done dis befoe!” He pullt a empty bag frum outa his ass, and started to fill it with alla my stash. Thaz rite, he wuz stealin my sht !!!! Got my drugs and my gunz and mize burglar kit! Wid my shit in his bag outda winda he flew, I woulda cut him foe sho but he stole my knife too. He jumped on dat watermelon an whipped outa switch, he wuz gone in a second dat Son of a btch.. I was maddern hell, took it out on my hoe, she tru me an da resta my sht out da doe. Homeless on Chrismus and out on da skreet, jez looking for some serious ass to beat! Also, for you Rockmysocks, and any one else who has issues with ebonics or whatever the fck you want to call this vernacular check out this link- I laughed my face off when I saw it … Skill less hahaha Enjoy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXK542NMJLY Shine on…

lucialefluer

Joined: 7/6/2008

Msg: 161 (view)

so many men just don't know how to do it! Posted: 8/31/2008 4:18:11 PM
HOW TO PLEASE A WOMAN: Simple: Give her what SHE WANTS!!!! Same way to please a man give him what HE WANTS!!! Problem is.... some folks haven't a clue what they want and/or have some unconscious gag order that prevents them from TALKING about it even if they do .... From a purely physiological perspective it really boils down to a few basics... mostly pressure, friction and speed. The cool thing is that these three variables can be modified tremendously depending upon the application, and approach of each person, which involves, making decisions about things, like, which body parts to use, and and which body parts to avoid etc... How much of the body part to use, and how fast or slow, and how much pressure to apply, or not to apply, or how and when, to change the body part, speed, or pressure... This is actually the easiest part and can be determined with a simple little thing called AWARENESS... This involves some delayed gratification and some folks simply cannot do it... But for those WONDERFUL folks who can... the benefits rein supreme... This AWARENESS involves LISTENING... Listening to the partners breathing patterns, cooing, ooohing, ahhing, gurgling, screaming, (pain and/or pleasure cue) giggling, howling, silence is generally, not always, but generally, a bad sign and is usually perceived as such... But required for the listening phase. Gasping, whining, and loud please for help are sometimes hard to decipher but should be immediately questioned and responded to with caution. Unless you are in the utility closet at work, noise is generally a pretty welcomed and standard element that is available for the the LISTENING phase of the AWARENESS process and can also include TALKING. Talking is a bit more tricky and converges out of the physiological (sort of-and- sometimes) and into the psychological realm. Talking can be DURING, or not during, the romp. DURING is generally not exactly conversation and can be VERY tricky as some words can ignite while others can suffocate passion... and what exact word, or word combo, is anybody's guess... so thats one of those very precarious trial and error issues that should be deferred, to the point, AFTER you have figured out some of the basics, and established at least some level of acceptance and/or addiction with each other intimately. Talking, not during, as in, having a conversation about it, can be very productive OR very destructive... based upon the maturity levels of the individual and the communication skills of each person as well... Like I said TALKING is tricky business. Example: Party A SAYS: "I really love the way you ______. Its the best I have ever had" Party B HEARS " You can only do one thing good and even then its only sort of good" If this seem absurd to you, you have never had a conversation with a person who is self limiting. OR.... Party A SAYS: "I really love the way you ____ but could you maybe modify the ____ a little?" Party B HEARS : " YOU are the best lover on the planet I want more of YOU all the time!!!" Sounds crazy but it happens al the time- I personally LOVE talking and encourage it as a fine method of increasing your AWARENESS but pay attention to how well your partner can LISTEN before you choose talking as you primary method of communicating sexually. Talking about sex is a foreign and often frightening thing for some people... There are even some who find it impossible, and will get down right hostile, belligerent, or defensively profane (go figure) when required to do so. These cats wear me out and I prefer to avoid them at all cost... but if you encounter one that really gets your hormones raging... there are other ways to crack their erotic code. Which leads us to.... The second part of the physiological aspect of AWARENESS, ... paying attention to... TENSION. A lot of this will be noted in breathing patterns and will require LISTENING as we already covered above, but can also be noted by watching and feeling the rise and fall of the chest. If you are sensitive enough and or willing to learn there is a wealth of information stored in a persons breathing patterns and muscle tension, and just paying attention to that and modifying your behavior to accommodate the patterns that lead to elevated states of pleasure can make pleasing your partner fairly simple. The most basic rule here is, the more relaxed the person is, the more likely they are to be having pleasure, so anything you do that seems to be relaxing and soothing could well be read as pleasurable... However there are some people who require high levels of stimulation and tension to reach a maximum level of sexual pleasure so some trial and error are called for... and above all else... AWARENESS. All this takes some time and YES willingness to learn and modify your behavior... as I stated earlier there are some folks who simply cannot do this. This leads to the last aspect of the AWARENESS spectrum which is the psychological aspect, and the information required to cover that topic would fill a few university libraries; it relates to issues of submission/dominance, pleasure/pain, love/hate, resonance/dissonance, emotions, spirituality, hormones, and myriad other sensory triggers relating to sight, smell, sound. Its very complex and rather specific to each individual, so really, the bottom line is having first of all an open and willing approach to the reality that your partner will have their own dynamics, and that you will as well. And that those dynamics most likely will not INSTANTLY match up perfectly. Second having a willingness to learn and teach. So many people want it to just happen. Well if you are a drunk teenager with another drunk teenager you can get pretty close to the just happen situation. But if you are a mature adult and interested in sexual intimacy that SUSTAINS for more than a few months... you have to work at it. If you are well matched with your partner in terms of lifestyle and values, GENERALLY, not always, but often, there will be at least some level of chemistry and ease in terms of developing a nice sexual rapport. Some people a just mad fck machines and can have fun no matter what is going on with their partner, or who the partner is... Perhaps someone will figure out how bottle that sht and sell it... Untill then spend some time figuring out your own sexuallity and how you can best offer that to a partner and be willing to figure them out when that time comes.... Shine on.. Bliss

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