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Thread: Sensuality in your 50's.....

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

Sensuality in your 50's..... Posted: 5/31/2008 3:38:03 PM
OP, you're not being too sensitive, IMO. Obviously, this man doesn't have a clue that women can be sensual at ages other than in their 40s, and that while we do want a companion, we want all that goes with that, also. You don't say how old this guy is, but from his comment it sounds like he's past his 40s...I'd have asked him if he had a huge supply of viagra, since it's generally men who have issues with performing as they get older; heck, even guys in their 30s are having problems nowadays, whether from too much alcohol, something as common as bike riding too much, and just not having the knowledge or caring enough to make it pleasurable for their partner along with themselves. Too bad most of these types of guys don't realize that when a woman finds a man who really knows and enjoys what they're doing, and who cares about his partner, then the woman is likely to become even more sensual, leading to a heck of a lot more of it happening ;) And that makes it pretty tough for other men to compete with.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

McCain said it all Posted: 5/12/2008 2:44:50 PM
Sure, it's all about oil :::eye rolll::: Ask Syria about Saddam's WMD...thats where he moved them in 2002...Do you realize that Islam states, in the Koran, that it's okay to lie to the 'infidels' about anything - infidels being anyone who doesn't adhere to Islam? So we sould have believed Saddam when he said he destroyed his WMD? Nope, I'm not that trusting of people who want to kill us simply because we don't believe as they do. Read Because They Hate by Brigitte Gabriel - a Lebanese born woman who experienced more at the hands of terrorists than any of us ever will...it's an eye-opener.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 25 (view)

Freedom without Responsibility Posted: 5/12/2008 2:04:08 PM
OP, I can't imagine why anyone would berate you...all you're doing is expressing your opinion, and freedom of speech is still something we all have here in the US. Frankly, I agree with you...for too many years we've had some people give birth (with or without a father around) who can't afford to give their child the basic necessities of life...and depend on the rest of us taxpayers to do so. And many have more than one child. I couldn't afford to have kids when I was younger (taxes were taking way too much of my salary; there was barely enough to live on for one person, let alone any more) and now that I can afford kids on my own, I'm too old to have them...and still a lot of my earned income goes in taxes to help support those who don't take responsibility for their own lives, or the lives they bring into the world. This is only one aspect of lack of responibility some people have today; there are many more. Until people are forced to take care of themselves, to face the consequiences of their actions, and take responsibility for themselves, we taxpayers are going to continue to bear the brunt if it. And, unfortunately, this means that those who truly need help will get much less of it than they would otherwise.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 26 (view)

Big Oil, OPEC Screwing Americans Posted: 5/12/2008 1:56:25 PM
The only ones that can do anything about big oil/OPEC are the consumers...drive less, buy less gas, and see what happens. Also, be glad we Americans aren't paying anywhere as much for gas as those in many European countries are...it's almost $9 a gallon in Germany! Stop expecting the government to do anything...it's not their job...if people keep paying the high gas prices, the prices will keep rising. Carpool if you can, boycott specific stations for a month, and don't be so dependent on gas...then the price will go down.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

Hezbollah Rocks It Again Posted: 5/12/2008 1:52:54 PM
Read the book Because They Hate by Brigitte Gabriel; it's an eye opener.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

Staying friends with someone you have feelings for Posted: 5/11/2008 2:06:14 AM
OP, you mentioned to him that you have feelings for him of more than a friend...he didn't answer, and then called to tell you how excited he was about a date he was having with someone else. Your last sentence sounds as though you're asking if it's possible that some time down the road you could expect to have a 'normal, healthy friendship' with him. My question is, why would you want to be friends with him? You have feelings for him, pretty strong ones obviously, especially since you cut off contact after he told you about his date (and you were smart to do that). I'd forget about him, even as a friend, and start looking for somoene who cares about you as much as you do about them.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Training someone to be your partner -- what gives? Posted: 5/11/2008 1:45:17 AM
IMO, if someone 'needs a bit of work' then they're not the one for me...While I agree that a partner may start doing things like opening the door, pulling out a chair, getting him a coffee/beer while he's watching the game, etc., simply because they know their partner enjoys that, they're doing it because they already have that innate sense of wanting to do nice things for their partner...I don't believe that sense can be taught or 'trained'...Also, I don't want someone who has the 'potential' to be the perfect partner for me...I want someone who is the perfect partner for me already, someone who I love for who they are - flaws and all - with no changing them, and who has the 'potential' for a long term relationship.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

Hurt games men play on this site, any other women experienced this? Posted: 5/1/2008 3:28:57 PM
There are people out there who are miserable and insecure, and they just want others to feel the same way since they can't or won't change their own circumstances. But there are many more people out there who are nice, so don't let it get to you.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

Understanding opposite sex for dating Posted: 5/1/2008 3:27:17 PM
Nope...my own dating experiences have taught me way more than any dating site or dating forum ever will.,,Besides, no matter what, just when you think you're starting to understand the opposite gender, someone comes along and blows that whole theory, lol. What's surprised me about online dating is how many people aren't serious about finding someone for a good relationship, regardless of what they say...and I'm surprised that surprises me! I must still be a bit naive about some things ;) But if what some of the people on here say is truly how they think, then I'm not surprised that so many people aren't in good relationships...because it sounds like some don't really want to be or that they're letting their past affect their present way too much. As far as it being harder to find a good date, that can be easy or difficult regardless of where one does it...it all depends on the people involved, what they're looking for, and how honest they are about it - with themselves and with others.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

If you think breaking up means letting go of your dreams you dont know yourself Posted: 5/1/2008 2:06:45 PM
IMO, breaking up with someone means letting go of the dreams you had with them...and NOT letting go of the dreams you have for yourself and your life. But too many people can't let go after they break up, or get dumped, and feel like all of their dreams are at an end because they're not together anymore. Letting go of one's dreams is a hard thing to do, until one realizes they simply have to let go of the dreams they had with that particular person, and not their own dreams for their life.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 19 (view)

Okay to trust -- or leave that brick wall up? Posted: 5/1/2008 1:56:46 PM
I've learned that one should never trust implicity - but that also one should never not trust at all. Also, if one has a wall up, they're going to be alone forever, because in order to find that perfect person, you have to be willing to take risks, and one of those is the risk of being hurt. It takes time to get to know someone, and that's how trust is built up. Too many today don't want to bother taking that time, which is why so many relationships don't work out.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 58 (view)

Can you learn to love someone you only like? Posted: 5/1/2008 1:53:11 PM
OP, in my opinion it would be a lot better if people liked each other before they 'fell in love' overnight. Sure, there has to be that something extra there, but some people find that after simply being friends for a while...and some don't. Each situation is different because each person is different.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

long distance - weekend only dating Posted: 5/1/2008 1:50:53 PM
I used to think LDRs weren't worth it, mainly because it's nice to be able to see your partner more often...but then, if you meet someone who's perfect for you, a little LDR can be fine until you both decide you want to finally be together in the same place.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

Divorced mom at son's wedding Posted: 5/1/2008 1:49:06 PM
Your son has found someone that makes him happy and is getting married...that's a cause for celebration...not for worrying about whether you should bring a date to his wedding. Unless you're in a serious relationship with someone, why would you care about having a date for your son's wedding? Just because your ex will be there with his long-term (operative words here) partner? IMO, that's thinking more about yourself than about your son...and it's his day. So think about him, and go have a wonderful time at his wedding, without bringing a date - or an escort.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

PERFECTION Posted: 5/1/2008 1:44:43 PM
OP, we all - men and women - would like to find the person who's perfect for us. Considering we all have different likes, dislikes, priorities, etc., then everyone's idea of the perfect person for them will be different. In order to know if one is perfect for someone, they have to get to know each other first...and that appears to be the hardest thing to achieve for many.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 113 (view)

Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot? Posted: 5/1/2008 1:42:32 PM
Who knows how some people think? Maybe some guys are dumb enough to figure that if you're letting them drive you in their car the first time you meet them, that you're up for anything? In the future, why don't you take your own car and not let him drive you anywhere? That would be much smarter, and safer, IMO.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 49 (view)

Dropping in? Posted: 5/1/2008 1:36:08 PM
OP, while I agree that I don't much like people just dropping by (although close friends and family can do it), there's a bigger thing going on here. If you feel you 'barely' know him, why does he know where you live already? Also, if this was someone you had been dating for quite a while, would it have bothered you if he dropped over when you were sick to give you a hug? You may or may not be blowing this up out of proportion...but I have the feeling that if you were crazy about this guy, just like many of us you wouldn't have cared that he just dropped by, and in fact would have loved that he was so sweet to want to give you a hug when you didn't feel well. He may have been 'arguing' that you liked it because he was crazy about you, or was trying to defuse the situation and his embarrasment, after seeing your reaction.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

small breast appreciation Posted: 5/1/2008 1:29:05 PM
Frankly, it's who the person is, not how much they do or don't have, that should be the important factor, IMO. But aren't guys lucky that women, at least, can get some things made bigger, whereas we women are stuck with what men are born with?

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 59 (view)

do u understand why people looking for sex bother with a site like this? Posted: 5/1/2008 1:23:00 PM
OP, IMO people use this site to find people for sex because it takes much less effort - and money - than going to a bar...besides, they get to broaden the amount of people they can meet with an online site. It's kind of pathetic what some people will do to get laid these days, lol...and it's kind of sad that that's all some people want to find another person for.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Am I a step-mother or have I stepped into a mess Posted: 5/1/2008 1:19:52 PM
"But my dilema is dear ol'e b/f has said he would love to gemarried again just as I would because I know the joys of marriage as well as the not so happy moments... But exactly how long do I wait on a marriage proposal before saying ok "my" life is passing me by- I wanna find someone who is not afraid of marriage because of the hand their past has dealt them, I am not just committed to him but to raising out kids also. I love them and cannot turn my back on them as there mom did, so I stay and I stay and I stay. But honestly I wanna do things the right way and more than anything I'm tired of living in sin. Sorry for the long post but....Please advise!!!" Not sure what the issue is here since you're saying he has no problems getting married, and neither do you. Who says you have to wait for him to ask? Why can't you two simply talk about what you want to do? I can understand your wanting to be married - to some of us, it's much more than a 'piece of paper'...if it wasn't, so many people wouldn't still be doing it, eh? So find a time when it's just you two and have a talk...see what you both want out of life and this relationship and go from there. You'll never know what to do, or what could be, until you talk with the other person that's in your relationship. Best of luck to you.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

he says there's no spark I'm not seeing or understanding it Posted: 4/15/2008 7:25:15 AM
Lilithia, you didn't do anything wrong. Don't ever let anyone make you feel that you did if you know you didn't. Maybe this guy met someone else who lived closer, maybe he simply didn't like the distance thing, maybe he didn't feel a spark after the initial first few times, maybe he has unrealistic expectations of what a relationship is supposed to be like...who knows? Saying he dumped his wife in an email would be a huge red flag to me, but I wasn't the one in the relationship - and sometimes we ignore things that we shouldn't (Lord knows, we've all probably done that a time or three). But consider this: would you really want someone who could break up with you through email? What else does that say about him? A lot, IMO; and not anything good. Wash the blanket and write this off to a lesson learned. This is how we all decide what we want and don't want in our relationships. Know what you want and what you deserve, and don't settle for anything less. And don't let it ruin anything else for you...everything in life has a risk, and one only loses by not trying.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 36 (view)

The grass is always greener... Posted: 4/15/2008 7:04:28 AM
OP, lots of people - men and women - can get little pot bellies as they age; some even have them when they're young. Lots of men can go bald, starting when they're young, also. But, so what? It's rare that anyone doesn't show some signs of aging...and hey, we earned those things, lol...not to mention some men look hot bald, IMO. While, yes, one needs to be attracted to a person, it's still so much more important what's on the inside than on the outside. I've found that the more I get to know someone I can either be greatly attracted to them or not, and it's independent of their looks. I can't count the number of times I've met someone who caught my eye from across the room, but as soon as they opened their mouth they turned very unattractive, while someone I wouldn't have noticed from across the room has turned out to be extremely attractive once we started talking to each other. And, while the grass may be greener, remember...it still has to be mowed.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

isn't the word love...over-used a little ? Posted: 4/14/2008 2:18:32 PM
There are many different types of love, but I believe the variations are the same regardless of gender, culture, heritage, etc. There's the love one has for a parent, a child, a friend, a significant other, a pet...none of these are exactly the same type of love, but they're all variations of it. People can even say they 'love' a particular thing, or they love that their favorite team won...and it's simply another variation of love. And I also believe we don't say it enough...too many have found out too late that they should have said t more often to those who matter to them. The only way saying it is devalued is when one truly doesn't mean it and is only saying it as a means to an end.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

Plans to meet 6 different times- and 6 times does not show up! Posted: 11/25/2007 3:40:58 PM
I'm not sure why you gave him so many chances. I don't see his first miss as 'understandable...mainly because he didn't call you, but emailed instead. If he was an adult, he'd have called and told you he was nervous. Being nervous is understandable, and would have been the adult thing for him to do. Canceling, emailing to do it, and then getting another chance with you only told this guy he didn't need to have much respect for you. While I can understand emergencies coming up, or something happening with a child, this guy appears to have way to many 'excuses' which says to me that he's simply not as interested in you as he should be for you to also want to see him. Also, how old is his son? If he's over 18 I'd have to wonder why his father was handling the situation for him rather than the son handling it himself. But the fact that this guy has repeatedly canceled plans, then didn't call when he said he would on top of it, and then got mad at you, says to me he's not someone I'd want to ever see again (and makes me wonder why you would want to). Even if I had been dumb enough to get to the 4th time, after what happened on Thanksgiving there's no way I'd have made any plans with him again, let alone agree with him deciding he should 'spend the night' - and after meeting only one time besides. It wouldn't matter warning anyone else; each person has to decide for themself what to do in any situation. The fact that you let him continue making plans and agreeing to them simply told this guy he could continue to get away with his behavior.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

uncooperative family Posted: 11/20/2007 12:34:40 PM
OP, I don't know how old your kids are, but I'm figuring they're older than 15...so if they're out enjoying their own lives, it's about time you start to enjoy yours; the same goes about your mother. It isn't about accepting the fact of you dating; they should be more concerned that you're happy with your life...And if you want an adult partner to be a part of that life, then that's your business not theirs. You have to decide what matters most...being alone, or being alone but visited by your family when they can find the time for you in between living their own lives and sharing their lives with their partners. I doubt they're write you off if you found a partner, but if they did then that's their decision and problem, not yours. You say you're alone on the holidays now, so if you have a partner you won't be alone...and if his family accepts you with no problems, you really won't be alone...It's those in your family who chose to distance themself from you who will be the losers, not you. Right now they're holding you hostage, and you're letting them. Life is too short to not go for what you want, and to not enjoy it. Are you going to let them live your life for you, or are you going to live it for yourself?

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 19 (view)

Her son got his girlfriend pregnant...at 16 Posted: 11/20/2007 12:19:32 PM
OP, you've been dating about a month; up until she knew if you were going to be around for a while, frankly, IMO it was none of your business. I don't think she kept quiet about it to try and 'win you over' first; I believe she felt it was none of your business or concern as you were simply someone she went on a date with - not a boyfriend at that point. You stated "She handles her problems very well, and doesn't want this to be a concern for me." That sounds to me like a responsible, independent, intelligent person who's doing what needs to be done. What's important is how you feel about her...not her kid, not his situation, but her. If you like her and want to get to know her better and she feels the same, maybe with the possibility of something long-term, then be concerned about that. Let her handle the situation with her child, and simply be there if she needs to talk abotu it or asks for advice.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Do you do drugs Posted: 11/6/2007 1:13:22 PM
Pot is not only a drug, it's an illegal one. I don't care if people smoke it, but if they do it in front of kids, get behind the wheel of car when on it, or have it around me, I'm not interested (I don't smoke around non-smokers if it bothers them, and I expect the same around me when it comes to pot). Also, I've never met anyone who actually only does it 'from time to time'; to me that phrase means maybe a few times a year; to everyone else I've ever known that smoked pot it means several times a week.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

Is this Normal...??? Posted: 11/6/2007 1:09:57 PM
OP, I agree with msgs 2 and 3...Even if - especially if - one is looking for a long-term relationship, they don't know if someone they just met has that potential...Just the fact of the many, many posts on this one place from people who thought they met the one after their first meeting or first date, only to find out in 2-4 weeks that they weren't, should tell one that taking one's time before becoming exclusive - and intimate - makes a lot more sense. What would people rather do - bounce from relationship to relationship every few weeks, or meet several people and take some time to decide which one they want to be exclusive with hopefully for a much longer time? I'll take the latter every time. It takes time to get to know someone, and while some think they can do that by spending lots of time in two weeks with someone, I can tell you it doesn't usually work that way. Sure, there are exceptions, but that's why they're exceptions. The woman was honest with you (point 1 in her favor right off the bat); she didn't lead you on (point 2); and she wanted to get to know you, so she must have had some interest (point 3). You don't know if that woman doing anything more that casually dating - e.g. meaning she wasn't being intimate with the other 2 men - so you may have thrown away the chance of a great relationship with a wonderful person due to some incorrect assumptions you may have made. Guess who loses when one does that? The one making the assumptions.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

Not tonight dear, in fact, not ever. Posted: 11/6/2007 12:57:13 PM
While there are women who behave as those in the article, there are also men who behave that way; it's not a gender thing...yet women get the bad rap. They even get the bad rap when they have a good sex life and their husband cheats anyway. The biggest obstacle to a good relationship are good communication skills, and that includes good listening ones, also. And yes, people in relationships need to compromise at times, but usually it's always one doing it and not both...that's another reason most relationships aren't good.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

Childish Friends Posted: 11/6/2007 12:43:50 PM
OP, sounds to me like they're not very mature for their age. Anyone I know who continually makes incorrect assumptions (as most assumptions are incorrect to begin with) isn't a friend I want to have. Life is too short to fill it with negative people like this. Frankly, if they're this childish about something like Facebook, it makes one wonder just how childish they are about really important things. The only thing you can do is be honest with them; you'd want your friends to be honest with you, right? And if they don't like what you've said and disappear as friends, then you really haven't lost much in the long run, IMO.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

Christmas Posted: 11/6/2007 12:38:53 PM
Just because one is single doesn't mean they don't have family and friends; most spend the holidays with them...which is what I plan to do.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Do you believe we have a biological clock Posted: 11/6/2007 12:34:40 PM
'Biological clock' is a term used to define when women are reaching the end of their fertility, e.g. their ability to have a baby. New studies are now showing that men may also have this biological clock, as sperm starts degrading around 35, same as women's eggs allegedly do.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 22 (view)

Love at First Sight? Is it real? Posted: 11/6/2007 12:32:37 PM
Sure it's possible...and I'm not saying it only because it happened to me ;) Due to several circumstances beyond our control it'll never be more than very long-distance than friends though (an no, we didn't meet on vacation). But if I thought there might be a chance of it working for us, I sure wouldn't still be on here looking for dating as you are...so are you going to see if this is for real with him, or continue to fish?

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

Likes Traveling..But won't Leave Home Posted: 11/6/2007 12:24:08 PM
OP, I love to travel long distances, just not several times a week for a date. Travel to me is when I go on vacation, have to go somewhere for work, or when my SO and I go for a long weekend somewhere. Long travel to meet someone for a date is not something I want to do after working all day, especially in the winter time. As far as traveling somewhere to meet someone, if it clicked between us that wouldn't be good in the long run as we wouldn't be able to spend much time together outside of a trip now and again; and I don't have any plans to move form where I am. If we didn't click why would I spend my money going someplace that held no interest for me other than meeting this person? I'm saving to open my own business so I'm not about to spend money recklessly or needlessly. Living as I do where there's at least 1 million people within 20-30 minutes means there's at least a few good ones locally ;)

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 19 (view)

Are there any women out there who DON'T have self esteem issues??? Posted: 10/29/2007 1:09:34 PM
OP, to answer your question, yes there are women out here who don't have self-esteem issues. I'm one of them. Age doesn't have the most to do with whether or not one get self-esteem...it's whether or not one has learned from past experiences, been able to let them go, move on with their life, and be happy with themself.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

in a relationship.......kinda Posted: 10/29/2007 1:00:22 PM
OP, if he met you while he's in another relationship that's exclusive, and she doesn't know he's meeting other women for drinks, that's cheating in my book. So what makes you think he wouldn't do the same thing to you if you two were in an exclusive relationship? As you already wondering if you should wash your hands of this, it may mean you already have some doubts; but if you think you should see him again I'll give you my opinion - don't. You deserve someone who's free to see you you and who wants to be with you, not someone who's not free and who is shopping around while he's still with someone else.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

Why don't I hear from a guy after sex? Posted: 10/24/2007 1:26:37 PM
OP, you should always find out what the other person is looking for before you have sex; don't ever assume someone is thinking or wanting what you do - always talk about it first...No one can really use another unless the other person lets them, and by not discussing it first, that's letting them use you if their intentions aren't the same as yours are. But what you can do is NOT beat yourself up over it...it happened, it's over, so forget about it. You did what you wanted, and it didn't turn out like you wanted it to; that happens, especially when one assumes rather than discusses. Don't let the fact that he turned out to want something else make you miserable...You are NOT worthless...look at it this way - would you really want a guy who could do something like this to you? No, you wouldn't...and it kind of puts the 'worthless' light on him now, doesn't it? So don't waste another second thinking about him, or berating yourself. Start thinking of all the good things about you, and recognize that you want someone who appreciates you and likes you for who you are, and that you deserve someone like that. You have to like yourself before anyone else can like you, and it doesn't sound like you like yourself very much right now...Sleeping with someone you liked and/or cared about and having him disappear isn't the end of the world, and it doesn't say anything bad about YOU...it says something not so nice about HIM.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 21 (view)

men and younger female.s Posted: 10/24/2007 12:49:14 PM
OP, what intelligent woman, in our age bracket, would want a relationship with some older guy, in our age bracket, who wants a woman in her 20s? I don't see us as being out of luck, I'd say we're lucky, as it's obvious someone like that isn't that mature and/or has some issues, so who would want him. There are many men around our age group who do want a relationship with someone closer to their own age.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

How much is too much? Posted: 10/24/2007 12:44:03 PM
OP, whetever you both agree on is fine...too much, not enough doesn't matter unless one wants more and one wants less. But I do have to agree with Msg 3...you may not be getting any if she sees your profile on here

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 35 (view)

Bunny boilers --discuss Posted: 10/24/2007 12:13:07 PM
OP, while stats show more women are hitting, stalking, and/or killing their SO or man of interest nowadays, men still hold the higher numbers. But, women tend to damage things (and not usually bunnies, except in the movies), whereas men tend to damage women. Also, I don't consider a person calling a couple of times for a legitimate reason as being an obsessed stalker...it's when they call, email, drive by constantly, or turn psycho such as coming up to you when you're out and causing a scene that's irrational, and possibly dangerous, behavior. While I don't doubt that some people play head games - men and women both, I think it's more that some people don't realize either how their words or reactions appear to the person they're with, or they don't know the mental stability of the person their with before things go too far in the relationship, or a combination of the two, which causes the problem.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 33 (view)

Yammering Posted: 10/24/2007 12:06:34 PM
However, if there is one thing that drives me nuts its yammering. When we talk, I would like to know what makes her tick, her deepest most thoughts. Instead, I get hours and hours of yammering about her family or yammering about people at work. Now, I know I should record this stuff because future generations will want to know the minutae of detail about who acted like a jerk at such-and-such office or the story of how Cousin Jack had to put down one of his dogs this weekend... but I just don't care. I don't know your family. I don't know the people you work with. I cannot see how a three hour report on who said what to whom during the sales meeting is supposed to bring us closer together. Its like driving cross county but the only radio station you get is BCR1 ( All Bangladeshi Cricket Reports- All the time). Its just seems like hour upon hour of noise for the sake of having noise. OP, this is how many women talk...we discuss a lot of things in minute detail (it's not called yammering), whereas men talk in short specifics. Neither gender cares very much for how they other communicates, so it's up to both to compromise a bit - women shouldn't go on and on all the time, and men should listen when they do - some of the time. Men should go into some detail some of the time, and women shouldn't take it personally when men talk in short specifics - some of the time. If both genders learned a little more about how the other communicates, they could both tailor things so both wouldn't get bugged by too much, or too little, communication from their partners. Also, if both partners care about each other, at times they'll each make a point of listening when their partner wants to go on and on, or not bugging them when their partner wants to be quiet...and neither will complain about it, roll their eyes, take it personally, or get upset by it. Other times, for example, he can ask if his partner can make this shorter as he can't give them their undivided attention right at this moment, or she can ask their partner to give a little more detail because this sounds so interesting. Many times when women go on and on like this, they don't want advice...they simply want to feel that their partner cares enough about them to listen to them. Sometimes simply sitting there and going 'um-hum' is all women need at that moment...and after you do that they'll think you're the greatest guy in the world and the best listener and they're so luck to have you...and then they'll probably thank you in a very special way ;) Think about when you're watching TV, just being quiet, and your partner asks you what's wrong...you reply 'nothing' because nothing is wrong...but she'll think you're just trying to be strong and manly and not burden her with it, whatever it might be...so she's going to ask you again what's wrong...you'll again reply 'nothing', and then she'll start to think she either did something wrong or you're losing interest in her...when all you might have been thinking about is if you have beer in the house and maybe getting one during the commercial break. If you had said, 'nothing, I'm just really into this game; you should see what just happened, it was amazing' and even starting giving her details of the play you just saw, she'd have said 'oh, ok' and left you alone after the first question ;) And OP, if you plan to have a long relationship with someone, you might want to listen when she talks about her family, as you all may be spending a lot of time together in the future ;) You can also learn a lot about who she is inside if you listen to her 'yammering' - there are many clues in what she says and how she says it that say a lot about who she is.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 38 (view)

Does she like me more than just a friend? Posted: 10/24/2007 11:00:15 AM
I was an alcoholic...I was lazy...I was selfish...I woke up from a nightmare and found myself looking at the devastation left behind by the wake of my alcoholism. I caught my wife cheating and I sobered up. I realized that it was either my wife and kids...or beer. It wasn't hard to decide. She was tired of my drinking...I was tired of my drinking. I had tried for years to quit but could never find the willpower. It had a power over me that I can never explain. Every time I drank I wondered why. Every time I drank it was a failure to me, my kids and my wife. ... I have done much more than quit drinking and smoking, i have taken on most of the responsibilities in our home, where as before I did nothing but pass out on the couch. I now enjoy the time I spend with my kids in stead of passing out on the sofa when I should have been watching them. What you're not doing is taking on the responsibilities of a husband. You admit you were selfish, and it's easy to see how your wife ended up where she did...especially if she tried to get through to you and couldn't. Just like one needs to admit they have a problem before they can fix it, you need to admit you caused some of the problems in your marriage that led your wife to cheat. I'm not saying she was right to cheat; she wasn't, IMO...but that doesn't make you going out and cheating any more right. it only adds to the problems that are already there. I ask that you take my word on the fact that I have done much to change who I am, who I will be and how people look at me. With a simple question I have been judged and hanged because you do not have all the facts. Perhaps I should have provided in more detail so I can not blame any of you. However, you should have at the very least considered that I am in a vulnerable position right now. I have been emotionally and physically neglected for many many months. The fact that you were an alcoholic and got help for it, while a wonderful thing for you, your wife and children, doesn't mean your decision to cheat will or should get you anyone's sympathy for that decision. Cheating is wrong regardless of what causes it, IMO. While you say you've been emotionally and physically neglected for many months, how many years was your wife neglected due to your drinking problem? How much slack did she have to take up because you weren't emotionally and physically (not speaking monetarily here) supporting her as a husband should have? As for my wifes feelings or the feelings of her hubby, well...I have learned that other people's feelings are not my responsibility. Yes, they are, unless you're choosing to be an extremely selfish person. When you get married, and if you have kids, their feelings are your responsibility in the fact that what you do can negatively affect them. I'm not saying you're responsible for making people happy, but when you choose to get married and choose to have kids, you are responsible for trying to help them not be unhappy. I see the frustration and anger and it is not my fault. The same goes for the husband who will be hurt because his wife strayed...or wife that is hurt because her hubby strayed...those hurt feelings are their own, they can choose to be hurt, or they can examine how it ended up as such. The fact is, it doesn't matter what has happened in the past, it matters how things are handled from this day forward. If I decide to have an affair, then I must be prepared to handle the consequences. It is my choice. Yes, if the frustration and anger your wife had is because you drank and weren't there for her and the kids, that is your fault. The fact that you got help is a wonderful thing...why you want to screw it all up by cheating is what's isn't understandable. When you make a commitment to someone, such as your wife and children, your decisions also affect them, as will the consequences of your decision. If you only think of yourself, then you're not being the husband and father they deserve, IMO. You need to examine how things ended up as they are now and take responsibility for your part in it. It doesn't appear that you're doing that in any way. talking is something that my wife and I do not do, I know we should, I know we must...but we don't. That is sad. I wishing things were different, but wishing doesn't change how things ended up this way...If I had a wish though, perhaps I would wish that you would understand the position I am in, the love I have for my children and hope that I can endure this loneliness. If you know you should talk, then why don't you and she do it? Even if you need counseling to do it...if you truly want to save this marriage and make it a good one, you'd be doing everything in your power to make it work, and so would she. If you don't want to be lonely, then make a new commitment with your wife, or if you and she dont' want that then get out and make a new life for yourself and she can also. Cheating, and the consequences it can bring, plus living togethe rin a bad marriage, will be much worse for your kids to deal with than any divorce will be, IMO.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 38 (view)

The Flavor of Vengence ~ Real or Imagined Posted: 10/24/2007 7:35:39 AM
People many times use words and don't think about the literal meanings of them. Here's what Webster's has to say anout revenge and vengeance. I can't say that I've ever hated anyone enough to feel the need to wish either on them. IMO, hoping a speeder gets caught isn't wishing revenge; it's hoping they gain the consequences of their bad choices and learn form them ;) Also, it's not something I think of in a rabid manner, salivating over the thought of them getting caught...I may think it when I see a speeder or erratic driver, or I may not...generally anyone who isn't a good person isn't worth me wasting any time or thought on them in any way. Revenge: verb - 1 : to avenge (as oneself) usually by retaliating in kind or degree 2 : to inflict injury in return for noun - 1 : a desire for revenge 2 : an act or instance of retaliating in order to get even 3 : an opportunity for getting satisfaction Vengeance: : punishment inflicted in retaliation for an injury or offense : retribution — with a vengeance 1: with great force or vehemence 2: to an extreme or excessive degree Sure, some of these stories, whether REAL OR IMAGINED, could be called petty and dumb, but oh how fun it CAN be to think of things one could do, and yes it can be gratifying. Everything from wishing the fleas of a thousand camels in the pits of the cop who wrote you a ticket ~ to gasp superglue on the willy of a cheating man! Things like imagining the one who cuts you off in traffic (especially if ya on a motorcycle) has his tire fall off taking the next corner, etc.... Nothing personal meant here, but I would wonder about anyone who could think it's fun or gratifying to think of harming another in some of the ways mentioned on here. Even doing it in one's imagination...after awhile, some things don't stay in some people's imagination; they get done for real...and I also believe these types of thoughts harm the person thinking about them...even moreso than the one they're thinking them about. As far as the cop writing a ticket, if I was speeding I deserved it. In fact, I've gotten 2 speeding tickets in my entire driving life - one 26 years ago and one last year, where the cop apologized to me for having to give me a $140 ticket and I told him that I was the one who was in the wrong as I was speeding; he was simply doing his job. It surprised him when I said it; but it was simply the truth. I was in the wrong and deserved the ticket. Those who claim they haven't a vindictive bone in em... have probably at some point sometime, somewhere, wished something on someone at one time for something, (like putting a tack in the teachers chair) lol... they just aren't ready to admit it. If one did this as a child it could be they hadn't learned yet to ignore things that don't add to their lives, but only subtract from it. One would hope adults have learned what matters and what doesn't. And no, it's NOT a requirement to put in your post if your story is REAL OR IMAGINED... most can pretty much tell if it was or not. It should be required; it would be nice to know whose mind works this way, and who actually would carry something liek this out...although, as I don't see much difference in someone who would do something like the things related and one who would only think them, I'd stay away form both types. How many times have we, given a cold reply, not said I love you too, or didn;t help someone in need due to their past actions? All of these are acts or revenge... I can't think of a time when I wasn't there for someone who needed me; I've never disliked someone enough to not help them if they needed it, nor have I known anyone who would do that. Actually, I see what you've described more as an act of thoughtlessness and/or taking ones loved one for granted, or perhaps of selfishness...not revenge. Again, too many people don't think about the literal meanings of words...no wonder many people have such a problem with communication today.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

Does she like me more than just a friend? Posted: 10/23/2007 1:22:24 PM
OP, to answer your question...if you want to know if she likes you, ask her...she's the only one who knows, and us second guessing her isn't going to give you the correct answer. As far as your 'loneliness'...what's worse for kids - to be stuck with two parents who don't like or love each other anymore, and who don't have a good relationship, which can also set a good example for the kids...or two parents, divorced, and happy with their lives, whether with another or alone, and who do set a good example for their kids? The latter is much better, IMO...and staying together for the doesn't work, unless the parents don't let the kids know there's a problem - and that's not easy to do. Considering you're already out looking for other women, I don't see that much concern about being there for the kids, especially when you're not at work; nor do I see much concern about you doing your part to make your marriage better, as you say you want it to be. So please, don't cry the loneliness lament; that's simply a BS excuse people use, IMO. If you want your marriage to work, then get to work on it, not on your own physical gratification. If you really wanted your marriage to work, IMO, you'd be working so that you have an even better physical gratification with the women you profess to love ,and the mother of your children. BTW, if you go to AFF you're sure to find what you're looking for over there. I really hate to see this place turned into a FWB place for married people. It would be nice to have one place on the Internet that's a dating site for people who are actually free to date.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

The Flavor of Vengence ~ Real or Imagined Posted: 10/23/2007 1:11:40 PM
Growing up does not mean we have to lose our imaginations. There are times, I don't care HOW mature you are, when we have all thought of something to do to someone who has 'wronged' us, (or we have perceived has wronged us) and we have thought about 'getting even'. Now, whether or not you've actually done it or just imagined it ~ What is YOUR flavor of vengence? Real... or imagined?.......... OP, you asked a question, we answered it honestly. Some people don't think about revenge against someone else...it's simply not worth their time and/or the person simply isn't worth it. No one said it was wrong for others to do; just that's it 'wrong' for them to do...if anyone else wants to do it, that's their thing. But personally, I prefer to stay away from people who like to get revenge on others; it always makes me wonder what they might do if one gets on their bad side over something minor. I will admit that when I see someone speeding or driving erratically, I do hope a cop sees them and pulls them over...and not only so they don't hurt an innocent person ;)

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

Does she like me more than just a friend? Posted: 10/23/2007 12:56:28 PM
OP, your marriage will never be the same if you're on dating sites looking for intimate encounters, and getting friendly with some other married woman, wondering if she likes you. Who cares if she likes you? She's married and you're married (I can only hope neither of you have who will get dragged through all this eventually). It's interesting that one has to get a license before they can get married, but they don't have to take a test! I'm thinking since to few use common sense nowadays, they should make a law so that people have to not only pass a test to get married, but they have to verify their maturity, among other things. Either work on your marriage or get out of it. But don't worry about if this married woman likes you; I don't doubt one or both of you will cheat on each other soon enough, since you're already cheating on your spouses. And if you were thinking of using the 'excuse' that you're doing it because you caught your wife doing, that doesn't make any difference...two wrongs don't make a right...and just like you felt like crap when your wife cheated on you, think how this woman's husband will feel when he finds out she's doing the same thing to him...and you contributed to it. Not that I believe it will bother you much; IMO you sound more like a high-schooler wondering if the cute cheerleader likes you and if you should ask her out, rather than an adult with responsibilites and the maturity to handle them.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

The Flavor of Vengence ~ Real or Imagined Posted: 10/23/2007 12:36:06 PM
I figure the best 'revenge', to use your word, is them not having me in their life...If anyone did something wrong to me, they're not worth me doing anything back, because they're not even worth the time it takes to think about it.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

Where Do I Stand? Posted: 10/23/2007 12:31:01 PM
OP, don't assume anything...If you want to know where you stand with him, then simply talk to him about it...and if he says you're 'just friends' then tell him to watch his hands from now on, and go find someone to date who wants to be more than 'just friends'.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 220 (view)

Right wing smears a 12 year old. Posted: 10/23/2007 12:14:47 PM
People do NOT have extra houses to sell and if they had then they would have a mortgage so they would only receive a small amount after paying for real estate commisions and the current housing market in most of the USA is not good due to sub-prime crisis. Many people have more than one house, and have at least one paid off, if not both. I have two homes, and though they're not paid off, I still pay for my health insurance. If you looked at the links I posted you'd have gotten the information on the home these people have. The facts are 45-55 million americans do NOT have health insurance and about 8-10 million are children. I base my information on information from the CDC This child is the example of what happened because of Bush vetoed of SCHIP bill What are you sources for your oponion. FOX NOISE does not count as a reliable source And how many of those people without insurance are without it because they choose not to pay for it? A lot more than you'd think. not all of them are without insurance because they can't afford it. Many cities and towns now have a plan where people can buy insurance through their city or town halls at a cheaper rate than if they bought it on their own...yet some people refuse to pay anything for their insurance - they believe they should get it for free. The child in the story has SCHIP...so what's he an example of? getting SCHIP? That's a good thing. As for Fox Noise not being a reliable source, where's your proof of that? It's your opinion, not fact. I supplied places where people could see another side to the story. It's then up to each person who wants to know, to go do some digging on their own to find out the facts and then make up their own minds about this. Nursing home care cost about $5000 per month in Oregon and i would assume about the same amount in the USA. That is about $60,000 a year so all your assets would have to sold to pay if you live more than a few years in a nursing home. Yep, that's true...one would have to sell off their assets, which in most cases might cover a year's worth of nursing home care...and if they lived another 5-10 years, taxes would be paying for it. Not a bad deal, IMO. No one has a right to free nursing home care, yet we do provide it through our taxes...but if one has any assets they should go towards their own care, so we can continue to provide the same care for those who don't have any assets at all. Frankly, I don't believe in putting one's family members in a nursing home to begin with; family should take care of their own, unless and until they need 24 hour nursing care that the family can't provide, IMO.

prolibertate

Joined: 9/11/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

Does he love me enough? Will it last? Posted: 10/23/2007 8:23:08 AM
OP, first off, you both need to put aside whatever happened in the past...and that includes the cheating you both may have done. If you can't let it go, and look at yourselves as new people in your relationship, you'll never trust each other and you'll never stop arguing about it. As far as the romance thing, frankly, if he knows there are certain things you like and he loves you, then he occasionally does those things for you - whether it's been part of his typical makeup or not. Giving you a card or flowers once in a while is nothing out of the ordinary and he should do it because he loves you and knows you like it. Wouldn't you do something for him that he liked, even if it wasn't something you normally did, simply because you love him? But his lack of relating in your relationship, and the comments you mentioned, are a concern. If he's saying this because you're always on him about how he feels, because of your own insecurity, that's one thing. but if you haven't been hounding him and he says stuff like this, you two need to have a serious conversation about where this relationship is going...and if he can't give you an answer, you have to decide if you can live with that, or if it's better for you to live on your own and look for someone who will give you what you want in a relationship, and who will accept what you have to give.

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