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Thread: Poly

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 36 (view)

Poly Posted: 10/7/2005 3:25:53 PM
Who does an atheist talk to during sex

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

Wha is your favorite prank or practical joke you play on people? Posted: 10/7/2005 3:12:31 PM
When somebody is bragging just a little too much about the new car, or house, or whatever they just bought, I always ask what they paid for it. When they tell me, I always say, For that much, you could have got a good one!! It may be wise to take a step back if you attempt that one.

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

How much $ are you worth? Posted: 10/7/2005 2:31:17 PM
$1,567,262. Pay up!

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

What was the most funniest phone call you got Posted: 10/5/2005 2:49:37 PM
When I first moved in to my house, I was always getting a call from an older sounding lady. This woman always sounded drunk when she called. She would always ask for so and so, and I would tell her on almost a daily basis, that she had the wrong number. One evening, after I had a rotten day, she called. I was in no mood for this woman, and I really wasn't going to take the usual 10 minutes to convince her she had the wrong number. She asked for her friend, and I told her that all the garbage bags look alike, and I wasn't sure I could find the one with his head. She never called again.

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

Kid Wisdom Posted: 10/5/2005 1:37:39 PM
If your mother is very upset with you, and calls you an S.O.B., don't tell her to think about it -me, age 11

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

THE DUMBEST LAWS u EVER heard Posted: 10/5/2005 1:35:04 PM
When approaching an intersection, one must stop, exit the vehicle, and fire four shots into the air before proceeding thru the intersection. The fine for spitting in public is $2.00, $5.00 if you spit on the sidewalk.

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

WOULD ANYONE CARE TO REVIEW MY PROFILE AND MAKE SUGGESTIONS? Posted: 10/4/2005 4:27:11 PM
I see nothing wrong with it. All the information is put out on the table, in plain english.

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 50 (view)

How did your parents find out that you were having sex? Posted: 10/4/2005 3:46:23 PM
I forgot to wipe the ass prints off the windows in my parents car. To this day, I always have windex with me.

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 19 (view)

Whose got Jokes? Be funny but clean (if thats possible) Posted: 9/29/2005 9:20:11 PM
It was last day of school before Christmas break in Miss Johnson's third grade classroom, and the children were lined up at her desk to give her thier gifts. The first in line was Suzy, the florists kid, she gave Miss Johnson a beautiful boquet of hoilday flowers, the next in line was the produce managers kid, and he presented her with a nice fruit basket, after that was the hairdressers daughter, and she gave the teacher an assortment of beauty products, and so it went on, until the liquer store owners son, he handed her a nicely wrapped box, and as she took it from his hands, the contents of the box went off balance, and, the box started dripping.Miss Johnson put her finger to the leak, and then sampled it and asked, "Is this wine?"Nope" , said the young boy. She tried it again, this time savoring the flavor, "Is it Brandy?" she inquired. "Not even close" was the reply. Again she tried, and stated, "Well, it must be champagne". "Wrong again!" he said. " I just give up" she said, "you'll have to tell me what this is." The boy got a huge smile and answered, "It's a puppy!"

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 205 (view)

Fun One Liners Posted: 9/29/2005 7:53:15 PM
I'm as busy as a cat trying to burry shit on a marble floor

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

What makes a band good? Posted: 9/29/2005 7:26:21 PM
I have been playing for about 30 years, and one of the most overlooked things is the monitors. If you can't hear it, fix it. When you see a band that has talent, but, just can't click and get it tight, the stage level is usually to blame.

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 22 (view)

Alternatives to the Wedding March? (be creative People) Posted: 9/29/2005 7:03:22 PM
Release Me

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 89 (view)

Funny T-Shirts Posted: 9/26/2005 12:56:34 PM
This is a man's t-shirt. An arrow pointing down Hand lotion Pump here

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

Intimacy Deprivation Posted: 9/26/2005 9:37:33 AM
The combination of a cheating wife, a string of gold diggers and the few that were "the one", have left a bad taste in my mouth. I miss, as everyone else does, the joy of being loved and apreciated for who I am, and the ability to return such a gift to the truly deserving. Good luck to us all.

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 79 (view)

Things I've learned while I was drunk.... Posted: 9/22/2005 8:01:04 PM
never ask the bouncer with his hand on your shoulder if he knows the difference between having one and being one big d i c k

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 38 (view)

the best Jokes that you told and no one laughed !!!! Posted: 9/22/2005 7:35:06 PM
do you know why pubic hairs are curly? so you don't poke your eyes out

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

10 WAYS TO KNOW YOU'VE HAD WILD SEX Posted: 9/22/2005 6:49:33 PM
10. your dog smokes a cigarette 9. her ob/gyn places an order for a new yacht 8. the local cathouse has an annual festival in your honor 7. frogs are intimidated ( think about it ) 6. trojan names the new line of condoms after you 5. her mother LIKES you 4. her FATHER likes you 3. her BROTHER likes you 2. the cat is cross-eyed 1. your neighbor sues you for that crack in his foundation

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 37 (view)

Funny Kids. Posted: 9/22/2005 6:03:38 PM
My mom and grandma tell me this true story: When my mom was a small child, her and grandma were driving in the car, when grandma was stopped for speeding. When the cop came to the window, my mom, out of the blue, yelled " MOM, IF YOU DON"T FIND ME A BATHROOM SOON, I'M GONNA PEE MY PANTS!" The cop let them go.

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

What is hell? (funny) Posted: 9/22/2005 4:47:15 PM
I just don't know what the hell to say

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 51 (view)

~~~ Turn on's and Turn off's ~~~ Posted: 9/22/2005 4:31:19 PM
Turn off: Sneezing....... yes during that!!

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

how could i let this happen Posted: 9/22/2005 4:22:06 PM
Don't beat yourself up over this one. Hard to do, I know. I was with the same woman for 15 years, married for 10 of them. I have never ever cheated on her, ever. As it turns out, she was cheating on me for the entire time, and I was painfully unaware of it. I feel your pain, rage and anguish. I hope you can deal with it better than I did, and stay out of the bottle, that is a trap. Face it head on, and take charge, before you loose your mind.

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 129 (view)

Best piece of advice for people Posted: 9/22/2005 4:08:44 PM
If you love someone, let them go, if they don't come back, HUNT THEM DOWN AND KILL THEM Please, just kidding. The real piece of advice I have is Find a job you truly love, and you'll never work a day in your life.

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 29 (view)

monogomy? Urban Legend? Posted: 9/22/2005 2:46:20 PM
I have never cheated. Those of us that don't do it, don't really understand those of you that do.

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

So You Wanna Be a RockStar? Posted: 9/20/2005 1:22:54 PM
I can tell you a great marketing name. I was in a top notch band myself, a few years back. We almost had a record deal, but, everytime this other band was in town, we had no following. What, you ask is the name of this not so great band?? "FREE BEER" ya, put that on the marquies when you play somewhere..... standing room only.

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

Stupid Coworker Tricks Posted: 9/20/2005 1:04:58 PM
I have at least a million stories of idiot co-workers. The hard part is deciding who wins the contest! Lets go with this one....I am the idiot in question here. I was working in a woodshop, and an ex-marine, and a very BIG one at that, was saying that the rest of us workers were a bit childish with our pranks. He was talking about me putting blue line chalk in my helpers work glove on a very hot summer day. To those of you who don't know what this means, when you have the chalk in your gloves, and you sweat, the chalk turns to dye, and you have purple hands for a few days. Anyway, he went on and on about how stupid you would have to be to be tricked like that. He was sure you could feel the chalk in your gloves. Yes, my brilliance took over me, and took this to be a challenge. When he pulled his purple hand from his glove, we all started laughing, and my fellow co-workers were quick to point out that I was the one responsible. Did I mention, he was a very big ex-marine? Well, in trying to explain myself to him, I again, shimmer with brilliance, reminded him how stupid you have to be in order to be had like that. Oh ya, I got the bonehead of the year award for that one......

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 27 (view)

I need some advice - daughter wants to live with dad.... Posted: 9/20/2005 11:09:58 AM
I have to first say that I am a stepdad. Now, it happened to me too. My (step) daughter wanted to live with her dad when she was about that age. It was a very painful thing to face up to. And I have to tell you, that after much thought, my wife (at the time, and, her mother) let her go. It was so hard to help her move. Then, all contact was lost, the kid didn't return phone calls, the dad always said that she was unavialable to talk or to vist. It was hell. But, 6 months later, she realized that the grass was not greener at her dad's, and came back. I hope it goes better for you than it did for me. Best wishes.

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

no its not true Posted: 9/20/2005 10:57:15 AM
I think your friend is a self esteem lacking, nut job!! Any guy that won't date a single mother, has niether balls, or class.

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 84 (view)

Funny T-Shirts Posted: 9/17/2005 8:05:50 AM
Oh ya, and this one, It isn't how you pick your nose, it's where you put the boogers

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

Police Humour Posted: 9/17/2005 7:06:35 AM
This really happened to me. I have long hair, as do some of my friends, and we had a night off, so we went and got a keg of beer and were going back to my place to tap it. I was stopped for speeding on the way home, and the nice police man asked what my hurry was, so, I said, I'm pregnant, and pointing to my friend in the front seat, and he's in labor. The nice police officer gave me a double take, went to his car, and came back with a nice new speeding ticket for me. He then said to me, looking in the back of my van, I guess your not going to be bottle feeding, are you?

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 83 (view)

Funny T-Shirts Posted: 9/17/2005 6:59:18 AM
I have a closet full of funny t-shirts, and the ones that people always laugh at the most are, FIT SHACED DUCK MY SICK and my personal favorite, YOUR GIRLFRIEND F***S LIKE A CHAMP

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 77 (view)

The Worst Job you ever had? Posted: 9/17/2005 6:51:43 AM
The worst job I ever had had to be working in a casket factory. Every now and then, a casket would come back, yes, used, and we would have to clean it up, repair it, and re do everything to bring it back to new condition. Such a wonderful smell. Linger on that one!

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