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justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Showing Some Mutual Respect.... Posted: 7/4/2008 7:58:07 AM
Everyone WILL have their own opinion, and not everyone will agree with it. Like I tell people who get slammed on here, don't take it personal. Read everything posted, use what pertains to your situation, and then just let the rest of it go. When I first started with the SP Forum 2 years ago, I was one of those hot-headed people. Hence, I got attacked a lot. Not by other parents, but by Non parents. It took me a long time to learn to weed through the negativity. Once I did that, there really was a lot of good advice. Not all worked for me. The other thing I tell people who post here.. NEVER be afraid to post, either an OP, or a reply. You have no idea how many people, today, tomorrow, a year from now, will come here looking for help with a situation one of us has actually gone through.

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

Who has the right to custody?? Posted: 7/3/2008 10:27:33 PM
LOL Wind The last time my ex tried going by the CS office, he couldn't get in. They put a key code on the door along with a sign that said 'appointments arranged by telephone only' and then gave the number. The number is the State's toll-free, and they didn't know anything about setting appointments. Oh, and they took my ex hubbys HUNTING license, but not his driver's license, nor did they give him a wage assignment. WOW.. Not hunting will collect that child support right in! Just curious, wind, does your ex live in OK?? I've heard that CP's who live here, but the NCP lives in TX have one h3ll of a time collecting anything but dust..

JUSTASWEETONE

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

Who has the right to custody?? Posted: 7/2/2008 2:16:38 PM
package: I don't know about the rest of the country, or other countries, for that matter, but Oklahoma will get any money they can, any way they can. This is one of the worst states for NCP's, for instance. I.E., my ex husband pays his child support on the last day of the month it's due. But, the State charges him interest if it's not paid by the 1st of the month it's due, yet they're the ones who set it up so he could pay it at the end of the month. sighs Oklahoma - Where the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing.... I don't know that the state billing the Grandparents is so strange or not. I've seen a lot of people getting bills for that very thing when custody wasn't an issue on their part. A few years ago, one of my clients received a bill from them, and he'd been ruled out as the child's biological father. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed, I suppose.

JUSTASWEETONE

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

Drug Rehab & Kids Posted: 7/2/2008 2:07:34 PM
Kyn, my apologies, I should've made myself more clear when discussing the son. The son is the brother to the lady in rehab, not the Dad of the children. The son is the one who who forced the Grandparents, his parents, into helping with his sisters intervention. I do see your point about Dad misconstruing what his children are telling him. I've been at that point a few times where I'd catch myself hearing what I wanted to hear. I don't state that Dad is a victim. Far from it, considering HE did nothing to help his wife when the addiction was so obvious, HE did nothing to protect the children from their mother's wrath when she couldn't get her hands on the pills she wanted and HE didn't attempt to find a rehabilitation center where he, himself, could participate. I found out earlier today, after talking to a few mutual friends, that Dad wasn't "kept" from seeing his wife and children. He CHOSE not to. That being learned, perhaps it is best for the children to be where they are. IMO, if he was truly that concerned about his children being placed where they are, he should've gotten off his butt and been there every single moment he was allowed. The only victims I see, are the children themselves. Victims of a situation that got entirely out of control, stayed out of control for entirely too long, and are still being subjected to a situation that part of the family disagrees with. All I can say is that when it's all said and done that the boys, who really are great kids, come out okay considering all that's happened. I hope Mom is getting, and continues to receive, all the help she needs to get her life straightened out and keep it that way and that BOTH parents deal with the consequences of their actions. As for counseling for the the boys.. I merely suggested that it may be a good idea to counsel the boys because they've gone through the addiction, in a manner of speaking. They had to watch Mom suffer through the addiction all the while, why not understanding any of it(what child CAN fully understand an addiction?). Just seemed to me that it might be helpful. The situation is what it is, isn't likely to be changed at this point, as her brother says that she is doing better and better everyday, and the boys seem to be doing alright as well. I suppose it's a long, hard road, but if the ending is beneficial to the entire family, esp the children, then it's a road well worth traveled. Oh, and Kyn, I appreciate your opinions, as tough as some people think they are, at least they're honest.

JUSTASWEETONE

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

Who has the right to custody?? Posted: 7/2/2008 9:36:53 AM
wind, I agree that some pieces, important pieces are missing. As I stated, I ran across those minimal details while doing research. Correct me if I'm wrong, but details of a pending case are not public knowledge when they regard a minor. Only the sex and age was given. That was, perhaps, the reason I posted it. What little bit I read made absolutely no sense..

JUSTASWEETONE

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

Drug Rehab & Kids Posted: 7/2/2008 7:17:10 AM
Kyn, I made the comment about the children feeling punished based on the fact that they told their father they were being punished, no other reason. As far as how long she'll be there. One year, minimum, is the requirement. Mom has never been the primary caregiver. She's been too strung out on pills to take care of herself, much less her children. Their Dad hired a Nanny to tend the children while he was at work and they weren't in school. Other than that, he was the one taking care of them. I see your point about it being the grounding she needs. I, personally, know nothing of the rehab, myself, but I do know that if the children were going to be required to stay, would counseling not benefit them while their presence was benefiting Mom? This particular rehab doesn't offer it. As for the Grandparents, having known them since I was a child, I don't hold them in very high regard. The Grandmother was the one who 'helped' her daughter become addicted to pills by giving them freely to her. She herself is an addict. The Grandfather has always turned a blind eye to both and never acknowledged the addiction. The only reason they participated in the intervention was because their son told them if they didn't help with the situation, he'd keep his children from them.

JUSTASWEETONE

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

12 year old that hates her father Posted: 7/2/2008 6:51:17 AM
OP - When it came to my 14 y/o son who went through the same thing with his father, I knew talking to his Dad would have no effect. It was shortly after my ex remarried. We went thru the ups and downs of having a step mom, but when it came down to it, Dad was allowing step mom to run all over his son. Since it's my son that has issues with his father, in this case, I told my son I would support any decision he made to see, or not see his father, BUT he had to talk to him about it openly. And I mean telling him he didn't want to see him and telling him WHY he didn't want to see him. He tried it once with stepmom present and it turned into a disaster, of sorts. He was being more mature than she was. If he said something, she'd tell his dad he was a liar and was only trying to split them up. But, my son kept at for as long as he could. Then just walked away. My ex, after seeing the interaction, contacted his son a few weeks later. They went camping together, had a long talk, and things have been amicable ever since. I don't know about the maturity level of your 12 y/o, but it MIGHT be worth a try. That way she feels SHE has done everything she can do about the situation. The rest of it, is on her father. Dee

JUSTASWEETONE

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Who has the right to custody?? Posted: 7/1/2008 2:51:36 PM
A father gives up parental rights at birth. Mom is arrested for selling meth out of the home the 2 year old child is living in. In Oklahoma, it can be construed as Aggravated Child Abuse(and in this particular case, it was). The Grandparents can't get child protective services to approve temporary custody because they're backlogged on house checks. The little girl is living in a temporary foster home for the time being. However, the Grandparents receive a bill from the State for care of the child, stating that they have guardianship as her closest living relatives and are therefore responsible for paying for her upkeep. Do the Grandparents not have a RIGHT to custody, seeing as the State has determined them as her Guardians? Are we relying to heavily on Child Protective Services to determine custody(the judge in the case has stated that he will not grant custody until he has a recommendation from CPS)? Sorry about just tossing this in there. I ran into it while doing some legal research and it disturbed me. I'm leaving it for discussion, although to me it should be pretty clear cut, as CPS had already done a background check and the Grandparents passed with flying colors.

JUSTASWEETONE

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

Drug Rehab & Kids Posted: 7/1/2008 2:27:09 PM
rosalinda, that's one of my biggest concerns. NO ONE explained anything to the boys before they left. Mom told them they were going on a 'little vacation'. She's been in rehab since February and Dad wasn't allowed in to see them until just last week. I know that had to be devastating for the boys, just as it was for their Dad. I spoke to him yesterday and he's trying to find a rehab that will take her as a transfer without the kids, but he isn't having much luck.

JUSTASWEETONE

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Drug Rehab & Kids Posted: 7/1/2008 2:17:08 PM
A lady in my community recently agreed to be place in a drug rehab(pill addict), after an intervention from her family. Out of the thousands of places she could have received rehabilitative services, she chooses one in which she has to take her 2 sons, ages 4 and 7. Their father, who is a fantastic dad, lives in the home and is perfectly capable of taking care of the boys while she's away. She was asked 'why put the kids through rehab when THEY aren't the ones with the addiction?' and she replied, 'because I'm their Mom, they HAVE to go with me'. For you Mothers out there, was this a wise choice on her part? For you Dads, would you have fought to keep the children at home while Mom is rehabbing? Was it a good idea to make the children, who feel that they are being taken from their Dad and being punished, live in a rehabilitative center until such a time as Mom can(maybe) get her life together? The kids have been removed from a school that they love, taken from their friends and family, and are NOT being counseled when Mom is. Her parents thought it was a fantastic idea. So much so, that they helped Mom sneak the kids out and put them on a plane while Dad was at work. Dad wants the children home, but he also wants his wife to complete rehab. If he removes the children, she gets kicked out. And yes, Mom knew this before she admitted herself and her children.

JUSTASWEETONE

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

What if you are not too crazy about their children? Posted: 7/1/2008 9:35:36 AM
Carolann, Everyone's situation will be different. Having gone through it myself with not-so-fantastic results... I have 3 boys of my own. My SO had 3 girls. Ages of the children were 16, 15, 15, 14, 13 and 9. I went from being a single Mom of 3 to a single Mom of 6. His daughters were never disciplined, namely because his job kept him away for days at a time. When he was home, he was sleeping. His girls were left to fend for themselves by any means they felt necessary. They wouldn't wash a single dish until there was nothing left to eat or drink from. They were all perfect angels until we moved in together and that's when the fun began. Their father and I tried to come to some sort of compromise, including scheduled chores. That worked out REAL well. They could schedule things on nights they were scheduled to do chores. It became a hopeless situation. The girls would tell their Dad they were going to a friends house, and tell me they were at band practice. But, right up to the end Dad swore his girls were perfect and it was me that had a problem. So, after coming home from work one night and walking in on him telling my 14 year old to tell me that he'd tore up something of mine so that his 15 y/o didn't get in trouble with me, I packed it in right then. Took the boys and left. On the flip side of the coin, I've seen a few relationships where a new involvement improved the behavior with the kids. Not always true, but it can happen. I guess it's just a matter of what you're willing to tolerate for a SO, IMO. Dee

JUSTASWEETONE

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

The Ex & A Drinking Problem... Posted: 7/1/2008 7:27:43 AM
SD, thank you for the book suggestion. Best advice I've seen so far. Give my son something he can use as a tool to help himself as much as possible. Thanks! Dee

JUSTASWEETONE

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

single father raising children by himself Posted: 6/30/2008 5:18:41 PM
OP, priorities. You said you'd thought about not looking and just raise your children. Not such a bad idea. I've found that actively looking can get you in trouble. lol If it's meant to be.. She'll fall right in your lap when you least expect it.

JUSTASWEETONE

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

The Ex & A Drinking Problem... Posted: 6/30/2008 4:12:54 PM
I'm officially pulling my hair out over a weekend family & extended family party.. My ex husband, who was raised by an alcoholic father, and is an alcoholic himself, decided that since my soon to be 16 year old son will be driving this year it was okay for him to start drinking!!! He drops my son off at the party with a 6-pack. I got the beer away from my son, who was already well past tipsy, get them in the house and put him in his room. Trying to have a conversation with him at that point seemed moot since I was afraid he wouldn't remember enough of it later on(and besides that, I was entirely too upset to have a conversation with him without losing my temper). I turned my ex into the police that same evening. They're "investigating", what a joke.. I'm to the point today, after a lot of long hard thinking, that there isn't any helping my ex husband change his way of thinking. He started drinking before his 12th birthday, so to him, that's normal. I thought I'd had enough conversations with my oldest son about drugs and alcohol that he'd have enough sense to resist peer pressure. But I never thought to talk to him about pressure from his own father. So, now that I've had a talk with my son about consuming alcohol in general, how do I approach the subject of not doing what Dad says is okay to do without causing problems between he and I? My son had just gotten back into a relationship with his father a few months before this, and I do not want to give him any reason to think that I'm bashing his Dad for fear of my son pulling away and distrusting me. I know there has to be a way to get my point across that just because his Dad says it's fine, that it isn't. He's terrified that if he says no, Dad will back off and end the relationship again. Personally, I think that's not such a bad idea in this particular case. Any ideas on what to say to my son that may help him through this? Anyone think there's anything I can say to my ex husband to make him realize what he's doing is wrong??? I have to be absolutely sure that what I say doesn't make the situation worse than it already is, but still maintain a level of trust with my son. If you have an idea, but don't want to post it in the forums, by all means, PLEASE, email me. I'll take all the ideas I can get right now. Dee

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

Bad Parenting Behavior Posted: 6/24/2008 7:43:29 PM
WG, that choice was left to the parents. Either they could pay for damages, or end up in court. Seeing as they're both on probation for destruction of property(on their part - not the children), they chose to pay for it in exchange for not pressing charges. Canadian, we provide an area with plenty of things to keep children occupied, including an office where the parents can keep their children in full view so they don't have to worry about them during an appointment. We've had the setup for 11 years now and this is the first, and hopefully the last, incident of this nature. I most definitely agree with you about placing prospective parents in a home with 5 children. Seems like I saw a preview for a tv show where they place young adults with a child - the concept being natures birth control. dawn, I can only guess as to whether parents allow the behavior at home as well as in public. I would say, probably yes.

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

Bad Parenting Behavior Posted: 6/24/2008 4:54:02 PM
lol Sorry Sweet, I guess I could've mentioned that. I own a tax & accounting firm. And yes, they did have to pay for the display unit, along with close to $2,000 worth of office damage(not mentioning the landscaping they tore up on the way in and out). I'm curious as to why you don't consider yourself a mother? A Step-Mom is still a Mom. I know what would've happened to me as a child had I even acted like I was about to have a temper tantrum. Therefore, I didn't do it. My own 3 have been raised the same. Perhaps that's why I was so shocked at the entire situation. Not just the kids, but the reactions the parents were having to what was going on right in front of them. How do you just sit there like they did. I just don't understand it. How would you have dealt with the situation had it been your kids, Sweet? Dee

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Bad Parenting Behavior Posted: 6/24/2008 4:35:28 PM
I'm not venting, exactly. I had an incident happen in my office yesterday that has left me a bit confused and highly pissed off. A young couple, in their early 20's, came in for an appointment and brought their 4 and 2 year old children with them. From the moment those 2 kids walked in, they destroyed everything they could get their hands on. Before I could get the slightest bit of control of the situation, the oldest knocked an $800 wide-screen flat panel display unit off a desk. He then ran to his mother and started spitting on her and hitting her. She told him to stop. To which he replied "do you really mean it?". I was SPEECHLESS! I kept thinking if there was ever a reason for bringing a belt into a child's life..... I know, I know. Bad thinking. But my goodness! I had to actually instruct the mother to take her children back outside. Both she and their father were just standing there watching the mayhem, doing nothing. I can't blame the kids, that's for certain. But, would ANY of you have ever let your children get that far, either at home, or in a public setting? Who taught mom and dad their parenting skills? Direct result of their upbringing? I'm doubtful as to that, seeing as we're considering 2 seperate upbringings. I used to disagree with the concept of Parenting Classes being required before you could have children, but I'm seeing more and more kids raising kids and none of them seem to have a clue what they're doing. Opinions???? Dee

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

man with a kid Posted: 6/24/2008 4:12:41 PM
I agree with Obsidian on point. The, not just lack of communication, but unwillingness to discuss it leaves the OP with little option. When in doubt, go with your first instinct. It was bothersome enough of a situation for you to post it for opinion, then I'm guessing you're second-guessing the guy, which is a bad start in any situation. He may have his reasons, but if the interest, and I mean GENUINE interest, was there, he'd have to know his reasonings behind his choice were important enough for you to question them. Without a satisfactory answer, and I mean satisfactory to the OP, what hope of a future could they have?

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

Having shared custody is best of both worlds.....or is it? Posted: 8/25/2006 11:17:38 AM
me+2, off topic, but my baby sister SWEARS her OB told her that you lose approximately 25% of your brain cells while pregnant. That was her excuse and she's stuck to it. lol Dee

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

Having shared custody is best of both worlds.....or is it? Posted: 8/25/2006 8:41:15 AM
OP, I have to agree with Carol on this one. "Blurting it out" seems to me that she was just testing the waters, so to speak. At least that's what I'd have done. lol Dee

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

Mom or Dad ... Posted: 8/25/2006 8:18:37 AM
I'm a Gemini. I'm both stubborn AND innocent. Isn't that the best of both worlds? My kids think I'm psycho most days. lol

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

Mom or Dad ... Posted: 8/25/2006 8:01:22 AM
^^^^ lmao NONE of us are stubborn Spider. I'm ten kinds of innocent.

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

Having shared custody is best of both worlds.....or is it? Posted: 8/25/2006 7:58:18 AM
lol Far be it from me to argue with an intelligent, caring woman Carol. You're right. Gives whole new meaning to it takes a village to raise a child.. This is MY personal village. I take advice from everyone here and apply it where I can. What I can't see, another SP can. I've gotten tons of wonderful advice from you in particular Carol. OT Within my own experiences, where my ex is concerned, his attitude was to make everything AS DIFFICULT as possible for me to make the right choices for my own kiddos. I insisted the boys not be subjected to the idiocy of being divorced, and he insisted that everything turn into an ugly situation. It's fantastic to see parents being able to talk and make good choices for their children. Hopefully the OP and his ex will be able to find an amicable way to work the situation.

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

Mom or Dad ... Posted: 8/25/2006 7:47:19 AM
My oldest doesn't look like either his father, or myself. He's the spitting image of my older brother. My middle son looks like his Dad, but has my freckles. My little one looks like my Grandfather, who I DO NOT resemble. lol Genetics.. Who knew?? :) Dee

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

Having shared custody is best of both worlds.....or is it? Posted: 8/25/2006 7:45:00 AM
I HALF agree with Carol(sorry hun). The situation can only turn ugly IF you and your x allow it to. I certainly agree with talking to her about the schooling situation and the adverse affect it can have on your children. Out of curiosity, have you spoken to them about the move? If so, how are they reacting to it? Is there perhaps a situation that's affecting your ex's decision to move, or is it just that she wants to? Check on the circumstances. If it's a luxury move, perhaps you can simply sway her decision based on what's best for the kiddos. If there's good reasoning behind the move, ie. problems with the neighborhood, or within the children's present school that you're unaware of, perhaps you can help to resolve the situation. JMHO.. Dee

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

Absentee father Posted: 8/25/2006 7:38:34 AM
Stat, part of the healing process, for me, was being able to write it without hatred. It doesn't change the facts, but it does help to let go of some things that need to be forgotten. I'm not to the point of forgiving yet. In time, perhaps. The situation, and the loss of my brother, just adds to my relationship with my own children. It's difficult, simply because my oldest son is a mirror image of my brother. I tended to pull away from him during the months after my brother's death based on that. I woke up one morning and told myself, I should be thrilled at the fact that I have this perfect reminder of everything good about my brother. :) As far as my sister.. I still don't quite know what to say about that. She was an adult when she sought out her biological mother, and was armed with all the facts of the separation. Perhaps she needed her own answers. The ones she got from her biological mother weren't true. One day, maybe I can talk to her about it, but feelings are still much too raw to have that discussion. At this point, it's best I stay away from her. My children aren't allowed to see her, either, by the way.

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

Absentee father Posted: 8/24/2006 7:57:37 PM
Hmm.. I grew up with both of my parents. However, my older brother and sister were from my father's first marriage. My mother adopted them when they were 4 and 3. I'm as familiar with that type of situation as you can be when you're on the outside looking in on a loved one. Truth be told, their biological mother had her rights stripped from her after suffocating my brothers' twin and then attempting to suffocate my brother. They were less than a year old at the time, and my father walked in on it shortly after my brother stopped breathing. What kept him from killing her with his bare hands, I'll never know. Their bm's parents kept in touch with them over the years. I remember having to have it explained to me on more than one occassion why they had a set of grandparents that weren't mine, as well. They would come up and stay for a few weeks every summer until one day, they just stopped coming. My sister would get boxes of gifts from her bm, my brother would get nothing. It went on like that until my parents started returning the gifts. My older sister and brother were told that she either had contact with both, or neither. It stayed that way until my older sister left for college. She hadn't been gone a month when she called to tell me that she'd found her mother. I was floored. My older sister knew why she'd been taken away from her. Yet she insisted on meeting and starting a relationship with her years later. It completely destroyed my own Mom. The final dealing with my older sister was when she called my Mom and asked for help moving back home. She'd gotten involved with a man out on the east coast and he'd ended up beating the h&ll out of her and my nephews. My Mom sent her 5G to get her out of harms way. My sister moved within that week. And within the next, moved her bm out here, as well. She flaunted her bm all over the place and made it a point to tell everyone she knew what a b*tch my own Mom was and how badly she'd been treated while growing up. A month later, my brother passed away. I had the unfortunate task of writing the eulogy. I purposefully did not include his bm's name, because he refused to acknowledge her existance and always insisted that our Mom was his ONLY mother. The eulogy was published in the local paper, as is customary in my area. On the same page where the official eulogy was listed was another one for my brother. Written by my older sister, and included only his bm's name and my fathers. Including some rather hateful remarks regarding the woman who raised my brother as her own flesh and blood. My sister sought out her biological mother out of spite, and my brother washed his hands of the woman who tried to murder him as a baby. And sorry.. Today was probably not the best day for me to have seen this particular post. My brother would've been 36 today. But, seeing as no one is left to speak up for him and what he wanted in life, I guess that falls back on me. My father was a single Dad back when it was completely unheard of. D

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

Overwhelmed? Posted: 8/24/2006 7:39:22 PM
Ironically enough, I give myself a time-out. Or my kids suggest I take one. It amazes me how well my boys read me. They know when I've had all I can handle, then I get that Mom why don't you go read a book for an hour or something, or go take a hot bath.. Works everytime. :)

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 32 (view)

Unsure about dating a single parent Posted: 8/24/2006 7:36:08 PM
lol It gets better as they get older. Just you wait til Mason starts bringing YOU potential dates based on what he views as an ideal man. I'm running into that ALOT with my 7 year old(future politician, I might add). If they can play the PS2, they're perfect for Mommy.. giggles At least you now have the sitter covered, considering what you were going through before. It WILL get easier, Mel. Just think, you have the perfect little man already that loves you. :)

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

KIds ask the darndest things Posted: 8/23/2006 9:22:33 PM
Mmmmhmmm.. I can so understand this one. My youngest is caught up on the concept of someone living in the states, but not being FROM the US. If you happen to have dark skin, he just assumes you're Native American. He tells everyone he's "2 Parts Indian".. A good friend of mine, who is totally, thoroughly Mexican stopped by my office to say hello the other day. We'd been discussing the fact that his sons' teacher keeps referring to him as Spanish, which he certainly isn't. It's become quite troublesome for my friend. My boys had just came in from school. My youngest walks right up to him, shakes his hand, tells him his name... And then promply asks How many parts Indian are you?...

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

Jingle bells......yup, you heard right! Posted: 8/23/2006 9:14:04 PM
Yep. Same as what football said. Everything. :) I'm a bigger kid at Christmas than my kids are.

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 30 (view)

question about child support Posted: 8/23/2006 8:07:18 PM
That is quite possibly the ugliest, gold-diggingest comment I have ever seen on POF. Perhaps so, but as some of us who've been on the SP Forums for quite a long time have seen, it has come up on more than one occassion where a b/f has been sued for CS. I don't think it was so much a suggestion as it was meant to inform. Most people I've talked to have had NO idea that once you put yourself in a parents position, the court can treat you as such. As to the deserving comment, considering I'm the one who made the comment, don't mind if I post directly back to you on it, mt. Frankly, you can KMA on the Exxon remark. This implies ownership of a materialistic item. My children have never been, nor will ever be treated as a sole possession. However, I did not marry myself and then get pregnant by myself. My ex husband has the responsibility to help raise the children he helped bring into this world. So yes, my kids DESERVE the additional support from him. The 2 adults who made them should be the 2 adults supporting them. JMHO I say deserve because my kids were innocent in their creation. Do/es your child/ren deserve the best you can give them? Of course. If financial means is all my ex is willing to contribute, then so be it. At least(in my particular situation and that of my own children) they will have the means necessary to attend college, obtain a good education, and HOPEFULLY not follow in the footsteps of their parents. I deal with the BS from my ex because, IMO, my children's future is worth it. I chose this path, and I'll deal with it as I deem necessary. My boys aren't subjected to his BS. No offense to anyone posting here. Remember, this is just MY opinion on the matter at hand. Dee

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

Jingle bells......yup, you heard right! Posted: 8/23/2006 4:36:49 PM
raises her hand Guilty of EARLY Christmas shopping. When my boys ask for something during the year, I tend to start shopping around for it then. They don't often ask for much, so it's the least I can do. I'm just sneaky enough to keep the gifts hidden for months. LOL Including storing them at my neighbors house.. Where do the rest of you keep yours hidden until the big day??? Dee

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

question about child support Posted: 8/23/2006 10:12:08 AM
Not even in a idealistic world would the CS go to whom it should be going, gon. No one is quite that delusional. :) Some just use better judgement than others. I'm not saying I don't know SM's who use the CS for their own purposes. Unfortunately, I do. And, in my book, they're the lowest on the food chain. About every 3 months or so, I take ONE CS payment, and I take the boys to do something fun. I admit it.. I have fun too, so sue me. I'm a terrible Mom. I do understand where you're coming from. My only REAL disagreement with you is that it isn't JUST women.

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

question about child support Posted: 8/23/2006 10:00:38 AM
gon, don't kid yourself. I had to, literally, drag child support out of him. He fathered my 3 boys and it's not just his responsibility, but, my sons' rights, to receive it. I started the CEF on my own, but wasn't able to contribute nearly as much as I wanted to(have you seen how much 3 boys can eat???? LOL) As a general rule, what you see women post here in the forums is just a small minority of single parents. Therefore, you only see a small minority of opinions. Most SM's in my community raise their children without the help of Dad. In a generation where dead beat dad was coined, what do you expect to read the most about? Sadly, it SHOULD be changed to dead beat parent, just to qualm the gender specifics. No one gender is better or worse. Base it on individuality, and you've struck gold. I lucked out. My attorney filed the motions, served the paperwork, etc, for less than $500. Otherwise, I'd have not been able to afford to do anything about it. However, in my state, the court system can choose to charge the NCP the court costs and attorney's fee just for having to bring them into court to settle the issue, which is what happened in my particular case. Furthermore, it's not necessary to hire an attorney to obtain CS. Some states have a system separate from Child Support Enforcement(or whatever your state calls it) that will not only set up the amount, but tend to it legally, thereby foregoing any fees charged to the CS. A nice idea, and I've seen many in my state use the system. Dee

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

question about child support Posted: 8/23/2006 9:46:48 AM
Normally, I avoid these kinds of posts, simply because they tend to be gender specific, but I have to put my 2 cents in on this at least once. While I, as a single mother, can appreciate the fact that you don't need, nor want, help from your ex to raise your child/ren, it is your ex's responsibility to do what she can for the child/ren she helped bring into this world. I'm only going to say this ONCE. CHILD SUPPORT IS NOT ABOUT THE PARENTS~ITS ABOUT THE CHILD OR CHILDREN Just because you, as the custodial parent, do not want or need the CS does NOT mean your child/ren do not deserve to receive it. Feisty had a wonderful ideal. One that I use myself. The CS I receive from my ex goes straight into a Coverdell Education Fund for my 3 boys. I may not need his help financially, at this point in my life, but my children all intend on attending college, and THEY will need the financial help then. I'll tend to them financially now. Let their father contribute something that will help them in the future. I'm letting the CS I receive NOW enable my children to obtain a better FUTURE. JMHO Dee

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 21 (view)

Unsure about dating a single parent Posted: 8/23/2006 9:38:06 AM
Aww, Mel (long time no talk, sweets).. You're one of the most level headed single Moms I know girl. You play by gut instinct and that's never a bad thing. You sound like you've got your head fairly well set on this one~and he's being honest with you to boot. Not always likely in the vast dating pool, as you well know. Take it for what it is. You know, as well as I do, that 2 dates isn't much to hang your hat on. I, for one, take my sweet time about wrapping my head around a concept I'm not familiar with. If the situation were reversed, you'd be doing the same thing. You didn't plan on being a Mom, but it happened, and it took you some time to come to grips with it. We each deal with these kinds of things differently, but for the most part, we don't jump in head first. You've got a good head on your shoulders and I'm sure you'll use it to your advantage(as well as to your little ones advantage). Afterall, that's what you do so well. That being said, drop me an email sometime. I'd like to know how things are with you. Dee

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 20 (view)

HELP QUICK!! Posted: 8/22/2006 9:12:30 PM
Oh Kitty.. groans That was so bad. I know you were dying for the chance to say that, weren't you. Seriously, tho, when I was working at the local vet's office in school, a lady brought in both a cat and a dog, both also covered in paint. Spray paint, at that. She'd tried dipping them in paint thinner! LOL The vet, at that point, DID shave them. Tho whether or not it was to remove the paint, or to get rid of what hair hadn't already fallen out, I'll never know. Dee

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 22 (view)

Opinion on Female Tattoos - Lower Back! Posted: 5/8/2006 3:38:33 PM
As a mother of 3 boys and the proud owner of 4(and counting) tats.. My oldest son, 13, started bugging me about getting a tat when he was 10. At the time I didn't have any, but was getting ready to go get one. So, I called my tat artist and made arrangements with him. My first tat is on the lower outside of my calf, rt leg. I took my oldest 2 sons with me. After watching Mom get hers done, I've not heard a word about them getting one. They're still fascinated with them, but they've seen what it takes to actually get one. My oldest, in fact, designs mine himself. :) May be beneficial to you to take her to a shop and let her watch one being done, the same type she's looking to get. I don't have one on my lower back and don't plan on getting on. I have a thing about wanting to look at my tats. lol Just a suggestion.. Dee

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

How about a happy ending for a change.. Posted: 5/1/2006 8:19:45 PM
I see so many men scared to death about not winning custody, I'm going to share this little story with you. :) My cousin, Jo, has 4 children. 3 girls and a little boy. Their ages are 13, 10, 7, and 4. Jo has been married 3 times, and lived with countless numbers of men over the years. She's 28, by the way. Never graduated, got pregnant at 15(do the math). Jo is an extreme alcoholic and drug addict. She allowed one of her ex husbands to burn her oldest daughter, then 3, on a water heater as punishment. One was allowed to lock the girls up outside, in the backyard, in a doghouse. And by locked up, I mean he put boards up over the opening and nailed it shut. The kids were found 17 hours after the fact. For those things, she received a slap on the wrist and nothing more. 5 years ago, Jo meets Shawn, a very good friend of mine. Despite my warnings, Shawn ends up dating her. Lo and behold, guess who gets pregnant, just as the relationship goes to crap..(Oops, guess we accidentally forgot the birth control pills~again).. During the last 4 years, she has drug Shawn through pure h*ll. I moved my own children home in December. Late January, Shawn and I sat down and had a long talk after his mother called me in hysterics. Shawn had apparently given up hope of getting custody of his son. Jo had failed 3 drug tests, court ordered, and the judge still wouldn't give him custody. Shawn and I sat down and came up with a decent gameplan. He followed through on everything, stuck with his attorney's advice, kept is mouth shut around the mother of his son, and in court this morning, he was granted full custody. Jo was given nothing, not even supervised visitation. The girls were also taken from her and placed with her mother. I was blessed with the opportunity of going with Shawn this morning to pick up his son. Quite the sight to see, guys. Take heart.. Not everything ends badly so long as you don't give up on what's best for your child(ren). Dee

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

How I long for Ex to really GET IT Posted: 5/1/2006 7:59:30 PM
The long and short of it all is this: You can fix what they(ex's) don't think is broken.

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 22 (view)

Would you allow the non-custodial parent to claim your child as a dependent? Posted: 2/3/2006 10:08:26 PM
I have to disagree with aseb, and I hate doing so, out of professional courtesy, but it's misinformation. However, it's one of those things that should be discussed with your own tax professional. The HOH rules state the following: You may be able to file as head of household if you meet all the following requirements. You are unmarried or “considered unmarried” on the last day of the year. You paid more than half the cost of keeping up a home for the year. A “qualifying person” lived with you in the home for more than half the year (except for temporary absences, such as school). However, if the “qualifying person” is your dependent parent, he or she does not have to live with you. See Special rule for parent, later, under Qualifying Person. Now, to qualify the dependency exemption IRS Publication 501 states the following: Children of divorced or separated parents. A child will be treated as the qualifying child of his or her noncustodial parent if all of the following apply. The parents: Are divorced or legally separated under a decree of divorce or separate maintenance, Are separated under a written separation agreement, or Lived apart at all times during the last 6 months of the year. The child received over half of his or her support for the year from the parents. The child is in the custody of one or both parents for more than half of the year. A decree of divorce or separate maintenance or written separation agreement that applies to 2005 provides that the noncustodial parent can claim the child as a dependent (and, in the case of a pre-1985 agreement, the noncustodial parent provides at least $600 for the support of the child during the year) or the custodial parent signs a written declaration that he or she will not claim the child as a dependent for the year. Written declaration. The custodial parent may use either Form 8332 or a similar statement (containing the information required by the form) to make the written declaration to release the exemption to the noncustodial parent. The exemption can be released for 1 year, for a number of specified years (for example, alternate years), or for all future years, as specified in the declaration. Custodial parent and noncustodial parent. The custodial parent is the parent with whom the child lived for the greater part of the year. The other parent is the noncustodial parent. If the parents divorced or separated during the year and the child lived with both parents before the separation, the custodial parent is the one with whom the child lived for the greater part of the rest of the year. There are also Tie-Breaker Rules that apply when all circumstances listed above qualify both parents to claim the same child. You can find the above regulations and other important information at: http://www.irs.gov/publications/p501/ar02.html#d0e3613 Dee

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 29 (view)

I got hit on by a 14 year old....every happened to you??? Posted: 1/29/2006 6:50:06 AM
I'm with Cherokee on this one. I have kids at home around that age(all boys tho). They come home with stories about the girls in my oldest sons(13) class and the few grades above him. All I can think of is 'do their parents know, and if they do WTF?'. Point in fact, there's a trial set for next month, here. And I'm talking small-town America. My oldest sisters best friend was arrested for engaging in sexual activities with not just one, but five 14 and 15 y/o girls. As the hearing gets closer, we're finding out that all 5 girls initiated contact with him and pursued him. This is a guy I've known my entire life and I'd have NEVER imagined him doing something like this.. But, dayum, be the adult in the situation.. I'll never understand the perversion of mind that made it an okay situation. And besides all that, it kinda gives a whole new spin on "I'll call ya Daddy"...

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

The contradictions of profiles related to kids Posted: 1/22/2006 6:34:46 PM
I was browsing through some profiles earlier today and ran across one that said: "Baggage sux, but a kid is ok with me" It states in his profile that he WANTS children.. Now, I can fully understand some men don't want a ready-made family, but don't they realize that most women would take that as a contradiction in terms.. You want kids, but they suck. You're already thinking of your future children as baggage.. Doesn't sound too promising for your future, does it? Your thoughts? Dee Edit: By the way, there is a picture of him posted in his profile.. He has his arm around a child.. shaking her head

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

There can be hope for single moms Posted: 1/22/2006 6:21:53 PM
I'll second what Carol said. Of course we understand there needs to be a balance, but that's not always possible. And, frankly, when it comes down to choosing you or my children.. The interests of my children will win each time. And even though I don't believe you're ever completely done raising your children(to an extent), my time will become my time when they've graduated and moved out on their own. I brought my boys into this world and it's my responsibility to tend to them until they're able to do so on their own. JMHO Dee

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

Sensitive 3 year old??? Posted: 1/15/2006 10:01:31 AM
Between my 3, I have 2 that are overly sensitive. My oldest, 13, hasn't outgrown it yet(and I don't suspect he will). My youngest is 7, and is just now going through his sensitive stage. My middle son, 11 now, went through it around the time he turned 3. It only lasted a few months. I think most things can be chalked up to phases in a child's life. Chances are, if it drives you nuts as a parent, then they'll grow out of it. :)

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

Pre Teen Angst Posted: 1/15/2006 9:58:01 AM
Laura, you've raised a few already, so you're well aware that each child has 2 personalities. That wonderful adorable child we are proud to call our own and then that little monster that doesn't often show up. My oldest is 13, and I have yet to see the little monster that I know is in him. Now, my middle son, 11, is all monster most of the time. Sounds like you may be correct your assumption that she was exhausted from the activity, however Over does make a good point about the move. If the behavior went away after a nights sleep, great, but I would watch for little things related to the move. Some children adapt remarkably well, some don't, and some are very good at hiding it. :) Like mine. Wish you lots of R & R. Dee

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

Sharing kid time between parents.. Posted: 1/15/2006 9:50:59 AM
Ju, I've got 2 more weekends in a row like this. However, a very nice gentleman I know is taking me out next weekend(friends type thing). He no longer dates, but often doesn't like going to new places alone.. But, the weekend after.. lol Remind me to give you my numbers and we'll see if we can meet up and do something. :) Dee

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

young single parents Posted: 1/14/2006 9:43:19 PM
It's all a matter of personal preference, just like anything else. Some will, some won't.

justasweetone

Joined: 9/12/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

Sharing kid time between parents.. Posted: 1/14/2006 9:26:20 PM
Mmmm.. What can I say besides "yes ma'am"..

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