I cant have a decent relationship with my family. chat & forums.

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octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 33 (view)

I cant have a decent relationship with my family. Posted: 4/6/2009 9:07:15 AM
Throwing it out there; glad you tossed that post out....nice post.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 79 (view)

Requesting for DNA testing of child! Prudent or Offensive? Grounds for Divorce? Posted: 3/31/2009 8:46:17 PM
bugger! guess i should have read all the replys before posting.....ooops

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 78 (view)

Requesting for DNA testing of child! Prudent or Offensive? Grounds for Divorce? Posted: 3/31/2009 8:44:42 PM
i find it interesting to compare this topic to that of snooping....how many times have i come across threads where snoops are berated and yet the actions of this man are seen as righteous, using the "nothing to hide" argument...interesting!! not sure how different it is if she has given no reason for him to doubt her...

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

For Real or does everyone just want to stay on the computer... Posted: 3/29/2009 7:55:04 PM
yup, im like that...im a big fraidy cat. Just not readdy...least i know it.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 62 (view)

I'm not sure if I did the right thing??? Posted: 3/27/2009 10:43:46 AM
i didnt bother to check the geography.....my bad.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 59 (view)

I'm not sure if I did the right thing??? Posted: 3/27/2009 10:22:15 AM
rockman, ive been to plenty of beaches without lifeguards or souls to be seen.....

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 42 (view)

I'm not sure if I did the right thing??? Posted: 3/27/2009 5:57:49 AM
oh and for those who carry on about it being against the law, in my opinion the "law" does not necessarily equate to justice or righteousness...

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 40 (view)

I'm not sure if I did the right thing??? Posted: 3/27/2009 5:55:32 AM
there is one thing...this child has probably been witness to his fathers abuse of his mother previously, leaving him to believe that thisis normal or correct. Hence in this instance it may actually have given the opposite message to the child to see someone stick up for his mother. As for the alcohol aspect, it is incredible how quickly one can sober up in an emergency. Not to blow my own trumpet but i once managed to ressusitate (sp) a stranger whilste i was preparing to go out with a friend, i sobered up and took charge my judgement was pretty much intact. I say you did the best you could mate.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Ladies, would you date a guy who is blind or visually impaired? Posted: 3/22/2009 7:20:11 AM
it would be lovely...i wouldnt have to worry about how i look at all...and im not really joking.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

Going overboard Posted: 3/17/2009 5:05:44 AM
Im with MeShell. I think she couldnt handle what she saw as rejection and this was her way of twisting it about to suit her easily bruised ego.....she's fragile so she cracked like an egg.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 44 (view)

Dealing with your Posted: 3/16/2009 4:44:19 AM
Re: Korky's post....im not sure that framing it in terms of "how can i help you?" is the best approach. Its kind of like repeating the "fixin" you approach. Rather than this id be more inclined to think that you might want to frame it in terms of getting him to tell you what would help you in these situations so as to not make "him" the problem. This might avoid bruising the ego....just a thought.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

Are North Americans less direct? Posted: 3/15/2009 6:39:07 AM
yeah i know brittain is part of technically part of europe, i guess i was thinking more in terms of english speaking countries...blah blah

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Are North Americans less direct? Posted: 3/13/2009 12:18:26 PM
must say i found it hard to say anything and not get the****d head or gasp of horror whilste in the US. The lawsuit problem really is one...quite scary. Yeah could be me, but culturally there did seem to be difficulty communicating. Not sure bout europeans in general, but i find it easier to communicate effectively with people from the UK, again though, thats part of my background.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

Breaking Up with Depressed Suicidal Girlfriend? Posted: 3/13/2009 5:02:01 AM
I dunno about staying friends with her... more likely she needs a clean break and time to grieve without getting back into the drama of focusing on the rejection and games. She's probably better off focusing on her healing, its too easy to start the games as a distraction from getting herself together. jmo

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

So worst breakup ever. Posted: 3/13/2009 4:56:46 AM
I like your pic.....dont worry man, just be patient and the right one may or may not be along. Hang with friends and people that "get" you....and be kind to yourself but dont take rejection too seriously. Just dont reject yourself. good luck

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Breaking Up with Depressed Suicidal Girlfriend? Posted: 3/13/2009 4:38:24 AM
^^openlover, agree with your point about the parents....still think she needs the right kind of support though. Problem is where she can find it ....not easy.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 32 (view)

disloyalty Posted: 3/13/2009 3:44:38 AM
^^^yeah but she wasnt your partner so snooping was a bit shady. Op i have no issue with minor snooping in your situation, tis called self preservation at little or no cost to the other. If you'd found nothing suspect you may have felt a little guilty but relieved either way...good for you.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Breaking Up with Depressed Suicidal Girlfriend? Posted: 3/13/2009 3:16:15 AM
im astounded at the lack of compassion displayed by the respondents to this thread. There are two people suffering in this situation, depression is not fun for the person who is depressed either. Takes two to tango...sheesh

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

admiting a big fault on the first date....should we be honest? Posted: 3/11/2009 8:58:01 AM
here here shanadoah....well said.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

My friends boyfriend controls her... Posted: 3/11/2009 8:55:45 AM
im with rune3 on this one. op, why did you not have him charged for assaulting you? i know its a bold move but drastic times....

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

how much do you invest in a Person....... Posted: 3/11/2009 8:36:51 AM
greenwoodunion, I never said she had a "right", to screw with his head etc, hence my suggestion to ask her directly where she was at. Of course she may or may not be able to be honest or know what she wants. Only the op can discern that from what she comes out with. If he is getting played he'll either pick up on it or he wont. I was just offering up a possibility to explore or not...his choice in the end. cheers.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

admiting a big fault on the first date....should we be honest? Posted: 3/11/2009 8:21:52 AM
zekestone, by the same token the girls get an ***hole....I agree with you. I want honesty and i dont just say that. Tis true that many people run from it but not the ones that have the same values and choose to live by them regardless of the sifting it provides.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

how much do you invest in a Person....... Posted: 3/11/2009 7:57:32 AM
She may simply be scared and not readdy. Preferring the safety of the fantasy relationship, who can tell. You can always be direct and ask her if she really wants to meet or if she's scared and get what's going on from her. Depending on her response only you can decide where to go from there. Good luck.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

admiting a big fault on the first date....should we be honest? Posted: 3/11/2009 7:46:24 AM
I would admire his candor, I even think its perfectly fine to reveal it on the first date. In fact i think it shows his commitment to keeping up his changes. I say good luck to him and i dont consider it masochistic of women who might date him unless of course they dont like him.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Empty Posted: 3/8/2009 5:05:05 AM
rest assured you are not the only one to feel empty and lost.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Empty Posted: 3/8/2009 5:03:23 AM
I for one dont think there is anything at all wrong with you. You look and sound like a lovely genuine, bright, level headed guy who is just not getting his needs met (and im not talking sex here). I also think that a lot of it (getting in relationships) is simply a matter of chance or playing a game. You dont seem like someone who is into games, rather someone who wants to genuinely connect. This is probably getting you down cause due to your long hiatus you are starting to think there is really something wrong with you. There isnt. I dont know what else to say other than your post touched me and i hate to see someone in so much pain. take care and dont do anything bad to yourself.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 46 (view)

This... Posted: 3/7/2009 7:40:30 AM
op's profile says she grew up in Europe i believe. Further i think she's canadian, so im not sure who's tax dollars paid for her education. My Life as Me.......give her a break she's 19.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Broken Hart Posted: 3/4/2009 7:25:12 AM
This is really horrible. Im really sad for you and your daughter. Sounds to me like he cant deal with his own guilt over the situation, he's a coward. However its probably a good thing to have as little contact with him as possible even though this is complicated due to his desire to see your son. Take as much time as you need to heal yourself and your daughter, it will be rough but you will heal and probably become closer as a result of the challenges that lay ahead of you. Stay strong and good luck, you deserve it.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Thanks Angelheart... Posted: 3/4/2009 7:16:32 AM
good on you for showing such integrity and respect in this situation..i hope you feel better sooner rather than later.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Dated for 4 months and she says she was never attracted Posted: 3/4/2009 5:25:13 AM
I think that its unnecessary to say that to someone, especially someone you' ve been intimate with. Sounds insensitive and hateful to me. Im sorry she said that, I'm all for honesty but for that i'd call her a piece of poo. You look pretty good to me so please try not to let it get you down

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 41 (view)

Lies and 420 Posted: 3/3/2009 2:15:39 PM
btw outmind...ive seen plenty of people say yes to drug use in their profiles All that is required is a question regarding what kind of drugs etc to clear it up and make a decision. Since we all can see from these posts that people have different ideas about what constitutes a drug then isnt that a sensible place to start asking questions if this is of concern to you...? Or, if you dont want to ask then just make whatever assumptions you want and then move on...really simple.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

You have kids….do you let him stay over? Posted: 3/3/2009 7:10:03 AM
banana anna....im sorry you didnt realise i was joking and was aware that it was clearly playful banter to lighten things up...thats all.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Thanks Jakeya... Posted: 3/3/2009 7:02:43 AM
yeah smart lass is just that in this case....i tell ya though if it had been me it would have really pissed me off to get the flowers on valentines day...dont mean to rub it in but that would have been salt in an open wound for me....good luck to you.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Obsessive thinking Posted: 3/3/2009 6:49:04 AM
good points blue note and the poster above her, I think i pressed the panic button too early on this one through projection. sorry bout that op.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.? Posted: 3/3/2009 6:46:49 AM
I hate to labor on semantics but i find that its important to view it in terms of respect for anothers kindness rather than simply following social expectations simply out of habit or without consciously acknowlegement (shit i cant spell that right!) of the individual extending the kindness (inhales deeply, sentence too long).

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 32 (view)

Lies and 420 Posted: 3/3/2009 6:08:45 AM
^^^^someone who values integrity and self responsibility.....

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

That.... Posted: 3/3/2009 6:05:20 AM
I dont care how young she is, unless there is something really really bad you arent saying in your post, she is a nasty piece of poo! I have teenagers and i still cant imagine them saying such a thing and i know how vile they can be at times....

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

You have kids….do you let him stay over? Posted: 3/3/2009 5:50:00 AM
I disagree children do not have to get attached so easily if appropriate boundaries are set. It is easy enough to make it clear that someone is not a replacement for daddy and that adults have adult appropriate relationships. my kids grew up with that and are fine we also have an open relationship with regards to them discussing issues of sexuality which come up for them. ops attitude causes more problems than it solves in my opinion and experience. So yes, im with djdaddyjinx and the others so neh neh neh neh neh .....

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.? Posted: 3/3/2009 5:20:00 AM
just goes to show money doesnt buy taste or good manners. yes i think its always polite and respectful to say thankyou even if it was just for the pleasant evening. You cant expect it but if its something you would do or would teach your kids to do then its something to look for in a prospective partner. jmo

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

Lies and 420 Posted: 3/3/2009 5:04:44 AM
martini.shark. there is also a question about whether or not you drink when you fill in your profile so i dont think your logic of excluding pot quite fits other wise there would also be another box aside from the drink and drugs enquiring as to whether or not you smoke weed? make sense???

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Advice needed: She says she can't get over her perfect ex Posted: 3/3/2009 5:01:38 AM
sounds to me like she's found a great way to maintain the upper hand in the relationship. You will always have to measure up and do her bidding and twill be never good enough and she will feel secure whilst you chase your tail trying to please her and win her approval. She's insecure and disrespectful. Dont enable her dysfunction at your emotional expense, find someone to love you for you now.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 87 (view)

How do you know when a man loves u? Posted: 3/3/2009 4:48:50 AM
i see this a little like asking the meaning of life or is there a god.....who the hell really knows....

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

How to deal with a bf who's emotionally not there? Posted: 3/3/2009 4:47:03 AM
sounds to me like he is not the whole package for you right now and that you wanna do a lil' fixin' so you can have your needs met. I dont think this is wise for either of you...he may start to feel belittled and if he doesnt comply you may become frustrated and restentful. See him for who he is now and respect that he's where he needs to be and will or will not gather the where with all to get where he needs to be. Your job is to find a way to get your needs met either alone or with someone else....fifty cents worth from me. good luck

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

Lies and 420 Posted: 3/3/2009 4:35:17 AM
oh yeah and even if i were to rationalise it and say to myself that "its not a drug its a plant" or "everyone is doing it". The fact remains that to a large portion of the population it is considered a drug, so it would still in my view be lying to others which im for one cant be arsed with....its just not fair play.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

Lies and 420 Posted: 3/3/2009 4:20:58 AM
when i initially created my profile i said yes to doing drugs and all i was doing was smoking pot. Im no longer doing so (not that that is relevant other than the fact that ive still not altered my profile). So some pot smokers do consider it doing drugs and that it would be lying not to disclose. just my ten cents.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Obsessive thinking Posted: 3/2/2009 4:16:15 AM
probably a good idea to get some therapy...sounds like you may be prone to addiction to avoid dealing with difficult emotions. jmo

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 158 (view)

Should I out a friend that cheats? Posted: 3/2/2009 4:12:46 AM
passionateaffairs....surely you jest?? it is totally illogical to compare cheating to being gay!! good lord almighty..

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

How about this one... Posted: 3/1/2009 6:14:53 AM
op, id like to refer you to the thread on controlling personalities. You might want to reflect on whether or not you can see any of these tendencies in yourself. good luck, everyone has stuff to learn.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Is there THAT many bad people in the world? Posted: 3/1/2009 2:23:21 AM
I agree with forumologists' analysis on this one. There are a lot of shitty people in the world who get off on this, its a harsh reality that people often dont grow out the kinds of cruel shitty behaviour that was supposed to be left behind when you got out of highschool. All you can do now is grow some teeth and some watchfull eyes and protect yourself from the patterns you observed through your experiences. There is always a risk that you can be shafted when you open your heart but you can gather some risk assessment tools to minimise it, cause you dont want to get too jaded and give up altogether. good luck.

octaviarose

Joined: 7/16/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Am I Tripping? Posted: 3/1/2009 12:46:50 AM
you were invalidated and disrespected after voicing your feelings...let YOUR guy be some one elses guy and say good riddance to bad rubbish.

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