met 2 girls... how do I handle this? chat & forums.

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lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

met 2 girls... how do I handle this? Posted: 9/26/2008 7:12:33 AM
You can bet they'll talk - girl talk can get very detailed, too. I think you should meet up in group situations and keep it very casual until you figure out which one you want to date and only one-on-one date one of them. Just tell them you and some friends are going bowling or for a hike or whatever, invite them to meet up and keep it friendly hanging out until you get to know them better and can decide which one you prefer to date. Some gal pals have a solid agreement never to date someone her friend has dated, no matter how it turns out and some consider it fine to date someone her friend has dated once the relationship is over. The only way to know that is to spend time with them and get to know them.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Guacamole recipes? Posted: 9/25/2008 10:40:04 AM
Here's my lazy girl guac: Avocado, smashed Salsa - your favorite Mix and eat. I like a chunky fresh non-soupy salsa. I've done it like the recipies above, which are all very good, but just using the salsa works in a hurry. I dip tortilla chips in it, and celery sticks too, but my favorite thing to do is top a quesadilla. Here's my favorite quesadilla - not exactly traditional, but good: Whole wheat tortilla - you can use any kind Smear a little cream cheese (I use Neufchatel or low fat) on one side Spinach leaves - lay on top of cream cheese A layer of sprouts if you want leftover chicken, diced - grilled is best Grated cheese - just a sprinkle Fresh tomato diced, some onion and fresh cilantro - you might not want added cilantro, but I love the stuff Another tortilla You can use 2 tortillas or just use one and put all the stuff on one half, then fold it over. Cook on a hot griddle or skillet until both sides of the tortilla get brown bubble spots Slather guac on top - Yum!

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Pondering Life Without Children...and grandchildren... Posted: 9/25/2008 9:26:02 AM
You know, there are so many children around who need somebody there really is no need to procreate in order to experience helping a child. Fostering is a HUGE step - most of those kids are in seriously traumatic situations and it would be very hard to foster a child and put him/her in day care. But that's not all there is. Big Brothers Big Sisters is a great group. They match you with a child that fits what you like to do. You don't have to spend much money - in fact, just being together is the best thing. There's a huge need for "Bigs" - men, women and couples. My youngest son had a big brother and the big had a huge inpact on my son's life. They are still in contact 15 years later. Sometimes they went bowling or to an event and sometimes they washed the car and took a hike. You only have to commit to an evening a week and if you want to do more that's OK. Most schools have a mentor program where you can volunteer to help kids with reading, math, whatever your strength is. Again, you can sign up for an hour a week if that's what you've to available. I knew a lady who wanted to foster kids, but she was fairly disabled so she fostered babies only. She took breaks when she was not feeling well, but when she was up to it she spent a couple of weeks feeding, changing and rocking babies. It truly is a joy to help a child grow, but you do not have to bring one into the world to have that experience.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 60 (view)

Mexican Food in the Southwest & Mexico Posted: 9/24/2008 10:10:13 AM
AuburnDiva, have you been to Johnny's on Ventura Avenue? About half way up on the mountain side of the Ave - that's where I got the tongue burritos. They have tons of stuff there, but those burritos were my favorite.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 40 (view)

Caves/Caverns Posted: 9/24/2008 9:17:11 AM
I have to second Kartchner Caverns in AZ. I really like caverns and have seen a few, but Kartchner is special. I went before they opened the new part and would love to go back. It's a living cave, so they're very careful about how many people get in on a single day. You have to walk through misters before entering and can only take in certain things. Anybody who likes caverns should check it out 0 very different from the Carlsbad variety, although Carlsbad is cool, too. That whole area of AZ is nice - Tombstone is about 20 minutes away and the country around Tucson is well worth exploring.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

adolescent dog training-HELP Posted: 9/19/2008 1:16:55 PM
Congrats, Serenity, you've good a good mix there. Both of those breeds are very highly intelligent and were bred to work in cooperation wtih their owners. I second the obedience training. It's not only good training, it's good activity. Having a dog is a big committment and the smarter they are, the more they need from you. Work with him a LOT. Read up on the qualities of the breeds - retrievers need to retrieve and shephards are capable of about anything. Lots of exercise is essential and not just walking. Fetch and hide and seek are great. I got my border collie mix when he was 4 months and he's 17 now. He's slowed down a lot, but here's some helpful things I learned with him. He's a hearder - he'll heard anything - birds, kids, grocery store carts - anything that breaks loose from what he perceives as their pack and he's off to bring them back. There's no changing that, it comes from deep in his genes. He's very, very smart and looks to me for everything. What that means to me is that he never ever goes outside a yard without being on his leash. I worked and worked with him establishing my alpha status - I believe that's crucial for dogs - they are pack animals and the alpha leader guides everything the pack does. Somebody has to be alpha and if you don't take that position the dog will. I trained him to sit. I trained him to stay. I trained him to sit and stay with the door open while I stepped onto the porch, then while I stepped out of sight, then until I opened the car door. I trained him to sit and stay in the car while I loaded stuff. Now, he'll sit in front of the door and just vibrate with excitement, and when I say OK he peels out and jumps into the car. We also played hid and seek a lot. I'd have him sit and stay and I'd hide and call him. When he found me I'd praise and pet and scratch - one of his favorite games. If he moved before I called him I'd just calmly say no and take him back to the same spot and start over. When you first start a 2 second stay is good enough for praise, then increase the time and pretty soon he'll stay for as long as you want. I've always used hand gestures in addition to voice commands. I also applied the alpha leader theory to coming in and out of any door. In a pack the alpha always goes first, so I always go first. Even if I'm just letting him out in the backyard to go pee I open the door and tell him "wait", then I step out and say OK then go back inside. When I let him in I open the door and say "come, good dog", pet and praise. I don't give a lot of treats and when I do it's trick time - you can take that as far as you want. Have fun, but take this seriously. I totally believe most "bad" dogs are the product of bad owners. They pick up on you to an incredible degree and if you have doubts or are worried about a situation they will respond to that. If you are calm and in control they respond to that. I've heard tug of war with toys isn't good for dogs because it encourages a power struggle - it's better to do the fetch and drop it over and over game. The chewing can mean a lot of things - dogs chew because it's good for their teeth, it's soothing when they're stressed, it shows affection, it's how they play. Make sure he has chew toys, but my vet always said be very careful of rawhide and never give bones. My dog's favorite chew toy was one of my son's old socks with knots tied in it. Those rope things are good, too - kind of act as dental floss. Mostly, have fun and spend time with your dog. He'll be a companion and protector for a long time.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Is there such thing as Chocolate buttercream icing? Posted: 9/19/2008 10:54:28 AM
I always add a little coffee to my chocolate frosting. It gives a nice rich flavor and cuts the sweetness a bit - you just need a tiny bit, but it's good to use really strong coffee. I just dissolve about a heaping spoonful of instant coffee in about an equal amount of hot water and if the frosting needs to be thinner use milk.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Best thrown together meal Posted: 9/18/2008 12:20:09 PM
Ah, tri tip - excellent. Very popular in CA - harder to find elsewhere. I liked to cut it into steak sized pieces, marinate in Mesquite marinade that came in packet from the spice isle and grill it. Everybody I knew grilled it, but some would slow grill it in one piece. My regular Sunday dinner for years was grilled tri tip, potatoes cut in half and nuked for a little while, then I'd poke holes in the cut side , put on the grill skin down and brush with a mix of a little melted butter and herbs and spices. We always had fresh broccoli with it. Boy, memories. Here's a meal I threw together with leftovers that turned out so good I wrote it down. Saute in a dab of olive oil - use a non stick skillet and it only takes about a teaspoon - in this order. Do a chop and drop so the longer cooking things go in first. half an onion, sliced half a bell pepper, sliced small zuchinni, sliced minced clove of garlic half a basket grape tomatoes, halved Saute for a few min. I like my veggies with some crunch. Then add Leftover grilled chicken breast, cut up Leftover whole wheat spaghetti let that get hot and dump in about a third of a jar of Alfredo sauce. It was very good. Pretty, too.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 33 (view)

Mexican Food in the Southwest & Mexico Posted: 9/18/2008 11:03:02 AM
Oh, man, I'm drooling here! I lived in CA and AZ for years before moving to TX and what passes for Mexican food here in No. TX just is not what I'm used to. In CA (Ventura) my favorite was tongue burritos! No cheese or lettuce or any of that stuff - just the seasoned tongue meat, rice, spices, rolled into a hand made tortilla. In AZ (Prescott) I went to a little out of the way, Spanish speaking cafe often for lunch. About 4 blocks from my house was a little place that had the best green corn tamales in the world. I haven't found anybody in TX that even knows what those are, but if you ever get the chance to have one, do it. But my all time favorite has got to be Baja Seafood! Go to Rocky Point (Puerta Penasca), hit any restaurant on the street where the fishing boats come in, ask your server what's good and just nod and eat! I'd stay next door to a hole in the wall that had fish tacos and margaritas for $1.00 each! The fish tacos - fresh spicy, smoky grilled fish, flaked into a homemade corn tortilla , topped with finely shredded cabbage and the baja sauce - that was lunch and dinner many days in a row! I miss good Mexican food. I swear, there's a BIG difference between western Mexican food and Tex Mex!

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Squash Recipes??? Posted: 9/18/2008 10:48:30 AM
Sanderick, that's exactly what I was going to say! It's my number one favorite way to eat summer squash. I like small zucchini sliced into salads or quick sauteed with onions and whatever veggies I want, then put into an omelett.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 95 (view)

Help Me Understand.... Posted: 9/13/2008 3:06:06 PM
Well, I fell like I'm about to throw myself off a cliff here, but here's my reasons. For the first ever in my life I'm going to vote Republican. I never, ever thought I'd say that. I'm OK with the McCains being rich - I understand how that happened - his dad was an admiral and Cindy's dad borrowed money to get into the ground floor of a beer distributorship and work work his tail off to make it a huge success. They'd like to see that happen for all of us - I'm OK with that. He's been totally up front about his contributions to the demise of his first marriage. He's honest about being a young jerk, full of himself and bristling for a fight and he's explained the changes he went through in the Hanoi Hilton. His character has been tested in ways I can't even imagine and he came through it an honorable man. He takes no crap. He'll listen and seek info from anybody with experience, no matter their political affiliation, but if he thinks they're wrong he's strong enough to say so. He understands war and the terrorist mentality. He was right about the embassy in Tehran. He hates war, although he knows that if you have to fight you have to fight hard. I respect him. I admire his character. I appreciate his willingness to drop F bombs and pound tables when advisors are trying to get him to make what he knows to be stupid decisions. I believe the greatest threat to the world right now is nuclear proliferation and I trust him to handle that. I like how he treats his children. I respect how he tells the truth instead of spouting what people want to hear. I do not agree with all his positions - I do not believe it's appropriate to legislate morality, but if my life was in danger, I'd like him to have my back. Obabma's weak in addition to being inexperienced. I don't trust him, although I think I'd like him. McCain's got balls, but he's smart about things, too.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 83 (view)

What is friends first? Posted: 9/13/2008 1:36:57 PM
Yowza! I knew I was a newby here and I'm aware that I've been out of the dating pool for quite a while, but oh boy, am I feeling totally clueless right now! To me friends first, while it's not in my profile (I put "hang out" instead - does that generate these same opinions?) just means that I'm willing to meet as friends, which means I'll meet you there, it can be very casual, I'll pay my share, that kind of stuff. Part of it is also that, like Deborah, I've gotten involved too fast before and it's turned really ugly. I like being with someone, I like the company, I like being physical. I have jumped into relationships because I've been lonely or horny and by the time I figure out I don't really want to be there it's been hard to get out. I want to be sure of who I'm getting involved with before I get very far from now on. Another consideration for me right now it that as soon as a house sale goes through I'm moving away. I know that's going to happen, but given the market I also know it could take a year, maybe more. I want to meet someone, I want to spend time with someone, I would like sex with someone if those feelings are there. I don't want casual sex, but I don't want any hurt feelings when I say I'm moving, either. Oh, geez, please tell me I'm not looking for a friend with benefits!!! I HATE that term! I'm gonna have to go think about this for a while....

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 36 (view)

tough decision..need feedback... Posted: 9/13/2008 1:00:18 PM
I think you just need to figure out if you want someone who can give you "prime time" or if you want HER. Sounds to me like you really care about her and part of what makes her who she is is her committment to her kids. If you've dated other women and still think about and want to be with her I think you should stay in contact. Truly good matches are not so easy to find. The single biggest change for me when I had kids is that my selfishness just vanished. When a mother wakes up to a crying baby when she's dead tired and sick the only thing that matters is that the baby needs something and there's a powerful force that makes her response to that baby a million times more important than the fact that she's tired and sick or in the middle of foreplay or on the phone or the toilet or anything in the world. That will never change and I'd bet that if she was not that kind of woman you wouldn't like her so much. Distance is hard, but you have more freedom than she does. Have you offered to go to where she lives and take her and the kids to the park? How about barbeques at her place? Videos and pizza? Single moms do have to be extra careful. It's one thing to get through your own mistakes, but it's a whole nother ball game when we go dragging our children through our mistakes. She's smart to go slow, she's smart to see what you're made of and she's smart to not disrupt her kids' day to spend time with you. Sounds to me like she's really gotten under your skin and if you let her go you'll regret it. She sounds like a quality woman to me and I think you should be thinking about whether you can meet her standards rather than whether she can give you wnat you need.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

Light Desserts for Spring and Summer Posted: 9/11/2008 11:19:55 AM
Lillysavage, here's a good Angel Food Cake recipe. Don't know if you can find it in Australia, but here you can get mixes or just buy the already baked cake. They're good and light, both in texture and taste. I like to use it for strawberry shortcake, too. This is a Betty Crocker recipe - a good old stand by starter recpie collection here in the US. Enjoy. Heavenly Angel Food Cake You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how easy this classic cake is to make! Prep Time:20 min Start to Finish:2 hr 55 min Makes:16 servings 1 1/2 cups powdered sugar 1 cup cake flour 1 1/2 cups egg whites (12) 1 1/2 teaspoons cream of tartar 1 cup granulated sugar 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla 1/2 teaspoon almond extract 1/4 teaspoon salt 1. Move oven rack to lowest position. Heat oven to 375ºF. 2. Mix powdered sugar and flour; set aside. Beat egg whites and cream of tartar in large bowl with electric mixer on medium speed until foamy. Beat in granulated sugar, 2 tablespoons at a time, on high speed, adding vanilla, almond extract and salt with the last addition of sugar. Continue beating until stiff and glossy meringue forms. Do not underbeat. 3. Sprinkle sugar-flour mixture, 1/4 cup at a time, over meringue, folding in just until sugar-flour mixture disappears. Push batter into ungreased angel food cake pan (tube pan), 10x4 inches. Cut gently through batter with metal spatula. 4. Bake 30 to 35 minutes or until cracks feel dry and top springs back when touched lightly. Immediately turn pan upside down onto heatproof funnel or bottle. Let hang about 2 hours or until cake is completely cool. Loosen side of cake with knife or long, metal spatula; remove from pan. Nutrition Information 1 Serving: Calories 130 (Calories from Fat 0); Total Fat 0g (Saturated Fat 0g); Cholesterol 0mg; Sodium 60 mg; Total Carbohydrate 31 g (Dietary Fiber 0g); Protein 2 g Percent Daily Value: Vitamin A 0%; Vitamin C 0%; Calcium 0%; Iron 4 % Exchanges: 1 Starch; 1 Fruit Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

Light Desserts for Spring and Summer Posted: 9/11/2008 11:07:50 AM
This is my Mom's version of trifle and pretty good. I really intensly dislike artificial sweetners - both the taste and the chemicals - but they go down pretty easy in this. Angel food cake - cut into cubes Sugar free pudding - I keep trying to talk her into chocolate, but she likes vanilla Fruit - either fresh or canned peaches or frozen pie cherries or fresh strawberries Fat free topping Use a pretty glass bowl and layer the cake cubes, fruit and pudding and topping. If you end with a topping layer and artfully arrange some fruit on top of that it's really pretty.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

quick fix meal??? Posted: 9/11/2008 10:53:00 AM
Here's my favorite quickie: Skinless boneless chicken breast - pound out kind of thin - doesn't have to perfect drop into a hot pan with just a tiny bit of butter - real butter tastes best and if you use a non stick skillet you only need a dab - maybe 1/4 teaspoon. No breading, just drop the chicken in there. I like a tiny sprinkle of kosher salt and a good bit of fresh ground peppercorn medley - multi colored peppercorns that I just really like, but black pepper is fine if that's what you like. When it starts to brown up a bit flip it over. When both sides are done, take out the chicken and squeeze in the juice of a fresh orange to deglaze the pan. Let that cook down a bit, then toss in a few capers and put the chicken back in there and let it go for another couple of minutes. My favorite super easy go-with is to use another non stick pan and dry roast a few sesame seeds just until you can smell them. Dump in a can of french cut green beans, drained and let them get hot. They go great with the orange sauce from the chicken. This goes together in about 10 min, the non stick pans clean in about 30 seconds, it's tasty and good for you.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

-GAMES AFTER 45- Posted: 9/10/2008 2:45:54 PM
Oh, Geez, I was thinking that now that I'm getting so much older all that crap was over! Seriously, one of the things I like best about being this age is that I'm done with the BS. Please tell me I'm not the only one! Parrotthead, well said, as usual.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 95 (view)

Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner Posted: 9/10/2008 2:31:49 PM
Tina, I'm another who has walked in your shoes and I know exactly what you're saying. I'm sitting here steaming at those who say it would never happen to them, they'd fight. One - you do NOT see it until you're deep into the relationship, living together or married or with a child - after you're unable to get away easily. It starts so subtly - a push or throwing something. It escalates, but when it's not bad it's wonderful. Study the cycle of Domestic Violence - the honeymoon phase is real. The longer you stay the worse it gets. I also said never me, I also said I'd fight back, fighting back was the worst move I ever made! Do a little research, people, the only reason it happens is that the perpetrators are so slick. OK, enough venting, I'm getting off track from what I really want to say and that's Good for you, Tina! Getting out is not easy and it doesn't always go well. Study it, you'll learn a lot, especially the red flag danger signs. Here's what my experience did for me - I volunteered at a DV crisis center for years. Lots of women told me that when I looked them in the eye and said "I got out. It's hard and it's scary, but it's so worth it" they believed they could, too. That's what telling your story does for people. Hold your head high, girl!

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 46 (view)

Having trouble working through this, and I thought I was a strong person.. Posted: 9/10/2008 2:03:55 PM
Here's a suggestion I forgot - journal. Pour it all out. Keep it. Maybe burn it someday, but not for a while. When my husband died I journaled like crazy. Just filled notebooks and put them away. On the one year anniversary of his death I fell apart at work and went home thinking "I'm pathetic, I'm not doing a bit better than the day after he died." I read my journal and realized I really had come a loooong way. It helped me a lot.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 44 (view)

Having trouble working through this, and I thought I was a strong person.. Posted: 9/10/2008 1:58:41 PM
Lots of very wise words here, SML, especially what Silken Fire's friend said about his only regret being grieving for 7 years. Not that you're not going to grieve - you are, it's natural. You'll go through all the phases - shock, denial, sadness, anger, all of that. Hopefully seeing all these other stories will allow you to know this isn't your fault. You're not a fool for not seeing it coming, you're not doomed to have it happen again. HE did it. It's funny, but this is the third time I've said this today. There's only one thing we all have control over and that's how we react to things. We can't control what's going to happen to us and we can't control what other people do, but we DO have total control over our reactions. I'm glad you're in counseling. You'll learn a lot and process a lot. You are in early stages - don't beat yourself up for still feeling like you've smacked up the side of the head. It WILL get better - especially if you don't let this control you to the point you can't open up again. Don't make any major decisions yet, but the day might come that you rethink staying in that house. If you love it, fine, enjoy it. If you see him in every corner, let it go, sell it and move on. It's all OK.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Looking for salad ideas for main meal Posted: 9/10/2008 10:14:08 AM
Salads are my favorite summertime dinner. I put anything on a salad, but my current favorite is one I got the idea for at Panera. I've used Spring Mix and romaine and like both. Just toss on a little chicken - any kind of leftover chicken, but I prefer grilled. I always grill extra for salads. Add some orange - you can either cut up a fresh one, or if you don't feel like cutting all the white stuff off and getting the seeds out, canned mandarins work just as well. Slice some strawberries and lightly toasted walnuts and top with poppyseed dressing - it's yummy. I've also thrown on some cut up peaches or nectarines. Thin sliced red onion is good, too.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Single and Loving It Posted: 9/10/2008 7:29:35 AM
I believe that a period of being single is crucial to our personal development. The only way to truly get to know yourself is to spend time by yourself. A real solid, healthy, lasting loving relationship depends so much on both parties truly knowing themselves. I've had periods of living single that were miserable and periods that really enriched me, but I've always learned something. That's how I figured out what makes me happy, what hobbies are a necessary part of my life, what activities make me feel good, what chores are drudgery to me. Learning those things is why I'm confident about what I have to offer and what I need and what I'm willing to compromise about. A true relationship is a wonderful theing. A bad one is the pits. Being single is neither better or worse than - all are important stages to life. Any body who's feeling badly about yourself for being single: relax, learn, figure things out. See it as an opportunity, not a failure.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 74 (view)

Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable? Posted: 9/7/2008 2:56:44 PM
Hey, if you can find a way to have babies without stretchmarks, breastfeed without loosing a little firmness, age without gravity's action, eliminate breast cancer, guarantee no disfiguring accidents, let us all in on that, OK?

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Now here's a real dilema for ya. . . Posted: 9/7/2008 8:43:28 AM
OP, I'm in the exact same place! Just marking time where I'm living now waiting for a house to sell so I can relocate. The real estate market sucks right now, and I have no control over when this move will happen, I just know that as soon as possible I'm outta here! I'm fairly new here, but here's what I'm doing. I'm reading the forums - the cooking ideas are great! I met a local guy in the same place I am - getting ready to retire and will move away. We both know that's coming, so we're just having fun and taking things lightly and it's very nice. I'm communicating with someone 1000 miles away who wants to relocate where I want to go, so we're sharing knowledge and just talking through emails. When we both move, if nothing else, we'll both have a friend. Since I'm fairly new to the dating scene and this site in particular, I'm not focused on really finding a partner - I'm focused on testing the waters, seeing what kinds of fish are out there and assessing whether I'm still know how to use the bait I've got! Just have fun and talk to people and expect nothing but knowledge and friendship. Best of luck with your house and your Mom. Taking care of the folks is what got me where I am and, althought I don't like it here, I'm very happy I've been here for them.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 152 (view)

Another Sacrifice at the Alter of Morality Posted: 9/6/2008 2:17:03 PM
Having invested a decade working for a prosecutor's office as an advocate for victims of violent crime I can tell you that the decision to try a 14 year old as an adult is not automatic and it is not taken lightly. Hearings are required, evidence is presented and rulings subject to appeal are made. If mitigating circumstances are present those are taken into consideration. If the defendant has a record of violence, that's taken into consideration, too. I would bet a lot that this defendant had a record as long as my arm. Trust me, there are 14 year olds out there who are as vicious and violent as you can imagine and they totally know what they're doing. While I totally agree that parents have responsibility and share some blame, I also know there are many, many examples of good parents who ended up with kids in trouble and kids from terrible families who put together wonderful lives. Bottom line is that the only true control any of us has is over our own actions. After seeing all I saw doing that work I concluded that my best idea for judicial reform is that once a defendant has been found guilty or entered a guilty plea he or she should be locked in a padded room with the victim and/or the family for half an hour, then we should all just call it good. Turn the prisons into schools and mental health facilities and there you go.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Cooking with Gas oven/stove Posted: 9/6/2008 1:28:57 PM
Are you positive it was the smoke detector going off and not a carbon monoxide detector??? Make SURE - carbon monoxide leaks are bad news. If it is the smoke detector, a good cleaning and burn off as suggested will probably be all you need to do.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 145 (view)

How did you learn to cook? Posted: 9/6/2008 10:34:19 AM
I started out cooking breakfast. My Mom always woke everybody up and had a hot breakfast waiting at the table. She started in at about 5:30 AM for Daddy and finished with the last of us at about 8:30. On weekends she got to sleep in as late as she wanted, so I'd make breakfast. I also have fond memories of that red and white checkered Betty Crocker cookbook. I'd make waffles from scratch and follow all the steps -whip the egg whites and fold in, cook fruit for a topping instead of syrup, toss in a little cinnamon, just really get into it. I got lots of kudos from Daddy, so got into it more and more. I'd spend two hours making breakfast. The first dinner I learned to make was at my Grandma's house - fried chicken, mashed potatoes and cream gravy. That's still one of the things I do best - fried meat and cream gravy, although I only make it a couple of times a year anymore. She was one of those who could dip her hand into the flour canister and come out with exactly one cup and she taught me a lot. When I did what's been referred to by members of my family as my "hippie hillbilly" days and raised everything we ate, it was all about what was being harvested - 1000 ways to eat zuchinni or spinach, how many things can you make out of eggs when the chickens are laying good, the best way to cook the tough birds. I had a book about how to ID and cook wild foods - "Stalking the Wild Asparagus" or something like that. I used that and hit up the locals to learn how to find morel mushrooms, cooked dandylions several ways, sauteed cattail sprouts, fiddleheads. A neighbor who was a retired baker taught me to bake bread and I'd stuff all kinds of things into a bread packet and bake it before I ever heard of a calzone. Then I ended up back in the mainstream and still wanted to make most of what I ate and eat healthier, but I was buying from the grocery store and the flavor is just not the same, so I got more adventurous. I was in So. Cal, so I discovered avocados and sprouts and artichokes and could grill all year long. I discovered tri tip and bought fish and shrimp right off the dock. There was a Mexican store right down the street where I found stuff I'd never heard of and they'd tell me how to cook anything I saw. Ditto a Chinese store. I got my sense of adventure from Mom. I love to make marinades and soup using whatever strikes my fancy. I have made more than one very good soup and never been able to duplicate it. I've experimented with meals I've had at restaurants and come up with some favorites. I've learned to make some of my favorite things healthier. I love to cook, I have fun with it, it's creative and nurturing and good for you in so many ways.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Stupid easy Roasted Chicken and Potatoes Posted: 9/6/2008 8:57:51 AM
This sounds really good, with the artichokes! One of my number one requests is for my Mom's garlic rosemary chicken. It's very similar - chicken, potatoes, onion, garlic, but she adds cut up celery, carrots and broccoli before she tosses in the olive oil. She puts in lots of fresh rosemary and a some fresh basil. It all goes into a big roasting pan and into the oven covered for 30 min, then uncovered for another 30 min and it's always perfectly done.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 61 (view)

What would you have your own personal chef cook for you? Posted: 9/6/2008 8:41:27 AM
Salmon, I wanna sleepover at your house!

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

healthy sweets & desserts Posted: 9/6/2008 8:39:09 AM
In a bowl mix: 1 container of vanilla yogurt - fat free/sugar free is fine if you don't mind the artificial sweetner A blob of peanut butter the same size as the yogurt Mix well and fold in a half container of whipped topping - fat free and cinnamon - I like a whole bunch - love cinnamon. Use as a dip for sliced apples and pears. Makes enough to share and it's really yummy.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

White Chili Posted: 9/6/2008 8:29:04 AM
I love white chili! I don't use jalapenos, but I add a lot of garlic instead. I've used navy beans and that was good, but never tried butter beans.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Endangered Foods Posted: 9/6/2008 8:14:09 AM
Salmon, I've thought you sounded like you have a passion for good cooking reading through this forum before. This is very cool. You're right, so many things have been lost. I learned gardening in Southern Ohio - spent about a decade in a back-to-the-lander phase. Grew everything we ate, built a house, generated electricity, all that. There was an old couple - like 84 and 86 - who got the biggest kick out of us "youngsters" from the big city interested in learning what they knew. The man had logged 1000 acres using horses. They used seeds from their produce - they always planted allowing for some to go to seed and had done that for years and years - and they shared! Great plants - more disease resistant, earlier growing, slower bolting, just better. They taught us so much and, while it was all very hard work, that was the most soul satisfying part of my life. It's a good thing to be in touch with the rhythms of nature and people lose that so easily in this modern world. I don't think I'd want to go back totally to that life style, but parts of it will return, I'm sure. You should put together this cookbook and call Rodale Press - bet they'd love it!

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 127 (view)

Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter???? Posted: 9/4/2008 2:20:40 PM
I've been there, too. I've met people I thought were DDG, but after getting to know them they became truly ugly, and I've known people I thought were funny looking, but as I discovered their inner beauty they became beautiful to my eyes, too. Looks do change - not just because of age. One of the best life lessons I every got was when I was 16. I've always been short and curvy wishing I was tall and willowy, but I always liked my face, especially my eyes. I was in a bad car wreck and smashed my face into a windshield. I looked pretty awful there for a while, but I learned that looks are fleeting for many reasons and if I based my worth on my looks sooner or later I'd feel worthless. Anybody can be in a disfiguring accident, get cancer, so many things. If you get the chance to spend time with someone who makes you truly happy - happy in a way that makes you feel better about yourself - and you turn away from that, then you truly don't deserve it. Go slowly - see what happens.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 50 (view)

Have You Ever Been Someone's All? Posted: 9/3/2008 9:32:16 AM
I'm another one who has seen this in both versions. My late husband I were each others' "All" in that we both knew that no matter what we were on the same side - we had each other's backs, we were a team. He said things like waking up next to me was a good start to his day. We did most things together because we liked the same things, but we did things on our own, too. It was a very healthy, supportive partnership of a marriage. I'd love that same quality relationship again. I had a relationship that was the suffocating kind of "You're my all". I worked as a production manager in a warehouse and he drove an armored truck up and down the coast of So. CA. Come weekends I needed to be outside and wanted to spend the day at the beach with a book, a cooler and my boogie board. He wanted to relax on the couch and watch football. No problem as far as I was concerned, but he'd always decide to come along and make it sound like he was doing me a favor. It really did get to the point that any time outside of work needed to be spent with us together or he'd get very whiny. We never really fought about it, I still did my stuff (nothing disrespectful), and he got more and more whiny and clingy. I gradually lost all respect and felt like I was mired in quicksand and my sanity required my escape. I'll never go there again. I guess that's the difference between knowing someone can add to your happiness and thinking someone can make you happy.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 36 (view)

What would you have your own personal chef cook for you? Posted: 8/30/2008 4:09:32 PM
Baja Mexican Seafood and Tuscan anything. Only 4 or 5 nights a week, though - the rest of the cooking is mine!

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 29 (view)

The Right To Live Or Die Posted: 8/30/2008 2:40:03 PM
I absolutely agree about Hospice - what an amazing group! My Dad died a year and a half ago of cancer. He had the chemo, didn't help. I'll never forget sitting in the doctor's office hearing the chemo didn't help and the cancer was very aggressive. My sister asked what we could expect over the next couple of weeks and the doc said we didn't have a couple of weeks and he wanted to get Hospice there the next day. Felt like a kick in the gut, but they really were just wonderful. They were very respectful of him and how he felt. My sister and I took turns staying there to help Mom and I was on for his last night. I had been giving him his pain meds more often that the directions said - when he was in pain I gave him some, and every time I gave him some I gave him more than the label said. All night long I fought the urge to just let him guzzle it and be done and couldn't bring myself to do it. I have no doubt that I could have handed it to him and walked out of the room to get him a glass of water, but I couldn't bring myself to pour it down his throat - just couldn't do it. I heard him at about 6 AM and he just looked different. I gave him a dose and called the Hospice nurse sobbing and said he was just different somehow and I'd been giving him more pain medicine than I was supposed to and I couldn't stand it anymore - I wouldn't put my dog through that and all I was doing was drugging my Daddy. She showed up in no time with liquid morphine and showed me the paper with the directions on it - crumpled it up and tossed it over her shoulder and said she was not going to give him what the directions said, she was going to give him what he needed to be comfortable. I have always regretted not being in the room when my husband died and I had already said I wanted to be with him when he died. My sister felt the same way. Mom just couldn't. When the time was close my sister and I were both with him holding his hands. He'd take a breath and then it would seem like forever and he'd take another. The nurse said he was fighting, so we talked to him - said it was OK, he could go, we'd take care of Mom, give his Mom a kiss on the cheek, tell his brother he was a good brother, don't cause too much trouble with his sister and don't worry, we'd all take care of each other. He just took another deep breath, looked me in the eyes and died. I'm glad I didn't pour pain medicine down his throat, but I'm glad I gave him what he needed to not be in pain, even though it was more often than it "should" have been. I'm really glad the nurse gave him what he needed. I'm glad we didn't keep him alive, I'm glad he was at home without tubes. By the time I thought that I could give him the pain medicine and leave the room, it was too late for him to do anything. he was not logical, he couldn't hold it himself. I think that if he had asked me to give it to him and leave a couple of days earlier I could have done it, but I would have always said it just happened. Absolutely, positively, I could not go along with a gun. I've helped people arrange clean up after a loved one's suicide with a gun and you do NOT want to go there. Going along with your dad's directives - that's a different story. I think I'd have to honor his wishes, but I don't think I could watch it and personally I don't agree with it. I've never understood why, if my dog is sick, terminal, in pain, I can have him painlessly go to sleep and be done, but I had to watch my Daddy suffer - and he was only really bad for 3 days. I can't fathom enduring that for months. Personally I'm a lot more afraid of losing control of my body and mind than I am of dying. My heart goes out to you. Do think about calling Hospice - I've never heard anything but wonderful things about them.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 40 (view)

Bizarre Foods Posted: 8/27/2008 10:01:32 AM
I love brains and scrambled eggs! When I lived in Ventura CA there was a place on Ventura Avenue that made tongue burritos - yummy. Rattlesnake is good, too. I've had it twice - once when I was a kid my Dad went to the round up in OK and my Mom fried it. Another time I was camping and a ranger shot one. I skinned it, pan sauteed it and have pics of my boys with strips of snake hanging out of their mouths. Alligator - that's also tasty.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

Transexual and who loves her...him? Posted: 8/24/2008 12:41:34 PM
I was going to say well said, Devin Kay, and clicked your profile. I get why you get it. OP, right there's the best input you could wish for. I had a friend who was a male to female transgender - pre op, but on the hormones. We talked a lot and I'm not sure anybody not in those shoes can really get it. Just love your friend for the friendship. 20 is very young and very few of us are actually on track at that point. I'm sure it won't be easy, but your friend knows that already, and maturity will make him stronger. The worse thing about any situation is feeling alone - has he looked into support groups?

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 56 (view)

Is she being selfish? Posted: 8/24/2008 9:19:46 AM
You are both adults and this should be a partnership. Your responsibility is to take care of your children, not to take care of your adult partner. A partner can add to the quality of your life, but nobody should be expected to give you a happy life. I think if you don't give this relocation a shot you'll regret it and resent her. It may be true that her family provides her some security she's not willing to leave, but if that's the case, she's not truly a partner, she's still a child. You say you love her, but it doesn't sound like you're in love with her. If you go the relationship might end, but if you stay it could end even more painfully.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 46 (view)

My last boyfriend passed away sends them running... Posted: 8/22/2008 2:32:36 PM
I think dazx hit it right on the head. I've been widowed for a long time and it freaks people out to find you're a widow at 32. That's OK, freaked me out for a while, too. It's been a lot of years now, though. It really does seem to boil down to men being afraid I'm still in love with my dead husband. It probably doesn't help that I've been single for such a long time, but that's a whole nother story. The truth of the matter is that I wouldn't be thinking of dating if he was still alive and I was still married, but that applies to everybody. None of would be thinking about dating if the last one had worked out like we hoped. Sometimes I still wonder what my life would be like if he was still alive, but sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had moved across the country with my folks instead of staying behind on my own right out of high school, too. It's just wondering. I have found that if I'm talking to someone interested enough to listen to how I've processed all this it's OK. I'm not trying to replace him. I'm not going to constantly compare another man to him. His pictures are not on display. It's the past. Maybe people who have not grown past something can't understand how it can happen. If you get that question before you're ready to go there, just smile sweetly and ask "Why?"!

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

how do i stop it... Posted: 8/21/2008 8:34:57 AM
I agree about getting some help, but I also agree that your therapist friend's advice to get under someone else is totally off base. If you do choose to talk to a professional please choose someone else. You're really in a pretty classic anger stage of grief. I'm thinking there's more reasons than this breakup - I'd bet the breakup was the final straw. All the advice above is good - except for the getting under someone else! Please don't allow yourself to think that will help - it will hurt you more and someone else too. One of the very hardest things to learn in life is that our standards of honor apply only to us. It's a slap in the face to realize people lie and use you, even if you're doing the right thing. Living an honorable life really doesn't guarantee we'll meet honorable people, but it does give us a knowledge of what honor is. It's when we learn to use that knowledge to seek out other honorable people that we can make real connections. I really hate it when decent men like you get this kind of hurt. You are not wrong, you're right in sticking to your standards, not every women will treat you this way. Someday you'll meet someone with your same code and the two of you will establish a beautiful relationship. Just do the work you need to do in order to be ready to give it your all and to recognize it for real. Some therapy would help a lot, here, I'm sure. Like I said, I think there's more layers to this rage and it's ready to come out and be handled. Some professional help with all this will make a huge difference in how you handle relationships for the rest of your life.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 113 (view)

Do you understand this at all? Posted: 8/20/2008 8:51:03 AM
Blue Ruby, you're a class act, you did the right thing, you've educated yourself and you're taking care of your situation as well as you can. You're never going to make everybody understand, but that's OK. It's not about that, anyway. It's about living your life with integrity, being able to meet your own eyes in the mirror and know you've lived an honorable day. Truly, that's all that matters and you're doing that. I think all you can hope for here is to learn what you can about the posters here and use that knowledge to help you decide what kind of people to focus your energy on in the future. Some of the posters here demonstrate thoughtful and intelligent maturity and some just don't - that's life. Read and learn and don't take the negativity to heart.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

For those that have been married before - would you do it again? Posted: 8/20/2008 7:42:20 AM
I guess the short answer is yes, I would do it again, but I don't have a burning need to do it again. I've been married twice - the first got abusive in many ways so I left and I will never go there again. The second was wonderful, a true supportive partnership, and he dropped dead. For a long time I said marriage is a lose/lose proposition for me. After being single for quite a few years I've come to feel that, while I will never again make the mistakes of my first, if I get the opportunity for a relationship like my second, I'll take the risk again, and if I stay single I'm OK with that, too.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 71 (view)

Help! I'm gonna be 60! LOL Posted: 8/17/2008 3:02:46 PM
"Free spirits are ageless" - that's great! Can I quote you? Often? You really are beautiful, but your spirit is what makes you beautiful. Oddly enough, I had a much harder time with 40 than I did 50, so I'm kinda looking forward to 60! Especially if I remember free spirits are ageless! Thanks.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 39 (view)

Men over 45 and facial hair Posted: 8/17/2008 2:47:57 PM
I've always wondered how a man can start the day off with a razor at his throat! Before coffee, even! I like a man who can have fun and experiment with his facial hair. Grow it all, have a 'stache, goat, full beard, whatever. Some looks are better than others, but I like the attitude. I now prefer my hair shorter because I no longer spend the time I used to getting ready for my day. No more washing, conditioning, moussing, drying, curling, clipping for me. Wash, ruffle with my fingers and I'm done! I'm now up, showered, ready to go and out the door in the time I spent just doing my hair 20 years ago. I've discovered I want to do things, not spend my time in front of the mirror. It used to be more important to me to be "done", now it's more important to get doing. I imagine men feel the same way.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Does Appearance Mean As Much Over 45 As It Did When You Were Young Posted: 8/17/2008 2:34:34 PM
You're a class act, OldFolksy. And, Parrothead, you said it just how I feel it. I dated a guy 13 yrs. my junior for quite a while and while it was fun for a bit to rib him that I learned to drive while he was still on a tricycle, it got old. He had no idea what I was talking about regarding the drama of Vietnam, Kennedy, etc. I know I'm not the same physically as I was 20 years ago - I have sags, scars and stretchmarks - some gray hair and a few little wrinkles, too. But, hey, they didn't come easy! I've lived, I've laughed, I've suffered. I totally expect the same out of the men I meet. But looking at the hardbodies - that'll never stop. Just like looking at the hot sports cars, fancy houses or cool dogs. Certainly doesn't mean I want to take them all home!

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

Do you understand this at all? Posted: 8/17/2008 12:56:10 PM
You absolutely did the right thing, telling him. It has to be a difficult thing to know when and how to say that. Capricorn, Wildman and Starregazer, you guys are class acts - read through their posts and pay attention to their attitudes. Look for those qualities in the next person you meet. Make sure you're connecting to people with class. I agree that most people will want some time to process that information and it's a good idea to have the conversation and allow some processing time. Don't doubt yourself - you did the right thing in speaking up. Too bad you didn't get the chance to know what you were dealing with when you were exposed. He's the one who acted badly here. Maybe you could have done it better, but you still did the right thing.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

advice needed Posted: 8/16/2008 3:28:56 PM
I'm feeling like I might be the only one here with this opinion, but I kinda get where she's coming from - maybe - she could be a player, but she could also be telling the truth. Building a relationship takes time and effort and if she's got personal stuff going on wight now that doesn't allow her to expend that time and effort, she's smart to realize that. I did that myself when I was raising my kids - worked full time, had 2 boys, coached soccer, was a boy scout leader, kept the house, yard, car, laundry, groceries, helped with homework, volunteered in their school, took a bubble bath now and then, took the boys out for fun times, took myself out with the girls now and then - you get the picture. I had friends - male and female - that I hung with, talked to and shared projects with. But I knew I did not have the time or energy to build the kind of relationship I want, so I took it easy in that arena for a while. I learned that the hard way - made a couple of mistakes before I figured it out. It really could be that she's just got too much going on right now and if that's the case, she's a very smart woman to realize it and she has her act very well together to be honest about it. I say cut her some slack - don't limit yourself - if you want to meet someone else, do it, but don't completely write her off until you get to know her better.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

Serious question Posted: 8/16/2008 1:19:45 PM
Hey, CanadianBeef, you'll notice I didn't use the terms "always" or "never". I know violence can come from either sex, but in the 10 years I worked those cases I never once had one where the female was the physical abuser. I did have a couple of gay male couple cases, but never one lesbian couple case. Bottom line, no matter how ugly it gets, the vast majority of men have more power to restrain a violent woman than vice versa. Research "predominate aggressor" and you'll probably learn the truth behind a lot of the "she started it"s you've heard.

lihut

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

Crunchy, Cheesy Chicken Wings Posted: 8/16/2008 12:53:24 PM
These all sound good! I remember my shock at learning how my friend made my favorite wings ever at his little sports bar - soaked the wings in a 50/50 mix of hot sauce and butter, then deep fried them, then tossed in another vat of the 50/50 mix. Geez, I was eating butter dipped deep fried butter! I've been searching for tasty baked wing recipies every since. Haven't searched this thread much - I thing I'm gonna go copy, paste and print! Thanks.

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