People, why against the rocking chair on the porch? chat & forums.

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Thread: People, why against the rocking chair on the porch?

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 54 (view)

People, why against the rocking chair on the porch? Posted: 11/20/2009 6:51:35 AM
Woobytoodsday: am i twitchy? i don't think so! i do love a bit hyperbole, though.... useful for illustrating a point. however, if you want to take that "big reach" to extract a bit of feeling "put down" because of what i said?? all i can say is, WTF. maybe I should pre-empt every single post i make with an official disclaimer: “no egos were intentionally harmed during the composition of this internet posting.” but seriously.... i'm completely horrified by the state of passive decay that so many people seem to slide into so easily at around the age of 50-ish.... I didn’t say a damn thing about “mindless movement”… but now that you mention it… yes, i do see 'em all shuffling happily around the Wal-Mart, buying 5-pound boxes of cheese curls and taking up too much space in the aisles, lol. well hey that's just my opinion and observation. i think "passive decay" comes from a lifetime of a life lived rather passively and eating cheese curls in front of the television. i ain't going there, but i won't stand in your (rhetorical) way!! :) see, i put the word “rhetorical” in parens so that you know I am not being deliberately insulting to anyone in particular, least of all you. i’m real sensitive like that. well, as for rocking chairs and bingo and whatnot… of course, to each his own. and if you are concerned about "mindless movement" perhaps that's a discussion you should have with your son. as for “insulting”, you know absolutely nothing about my soul but you went out of your way to insinuate something insulting about it based on your friend that got angry with you over the sound of humming bird wings??? LOL!! that's a good one! meanwhile, nothing i said before was directed at anybody in particular... it was entirely conceptual, and extremely general. you made it personal... so hey bravo for you! breath~ definitely got the point that i was making. i can't help it if you missed it. well I guess that's just the way it goes sometimes.... and now, back to our regularly scheduled forums. vvvv edit for below vvvv you are absolutely right... i fear a slow fade into an increasingly retarded mouth-breathing haze, i fear being warehoused into a place where people who don't know me and who don't care are paid to provide a bare minimum of care to address my most basic biological needs. youbetcha. youbetcha i'm own it, too! for me, that means living as healthy and as active a lifestyle (mentally and physically) as is reasonably possible. i don't think the value of that can possibly be underestimated.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 47 (view)

People, why against the rocking chair on the porch? Posted: 11/20/2009 5:08:51 AM
I ask you, what in the world is so wrong with sitting in a rocking chair on the porch? Why do so many over-50 people feel they must be out slaying dragons instead of sittin’ back and relaxing much more? maybe it's because when i look at about 50% of the people my age, i see they're prematurely geriatric. and maybe it's because when i fast-forward it another 10 years down the road, that percentage increases to something like 70%. who the hell wants to sit around waiting to die? well, obviously, lots of folks do. and to the extent that some of us don't, we sorta kinda tend to want to put forth the extra effort that is required at our so-called "advanced age" [cough] to keep from turning into a person whose idea of entertainment is playing a rousing game of bingo in an overheated church basement. just sayin'. So for us, the rocking chair is a goal... a sign of completion.... GAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! :::runs screaming from the room::: laugh

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 106 (view)

honest answer... Posted: 11/20/2009 4:37:28 AM
after putting on my waders and slogging my way through your latest obtuse rant, op, your entire question still boils down to what can you presume or assume about the BF? jesus christ he's YOUR best friend. WTF ask him already. see, because otherwise it's just a bunch of strangers assuming stuff about somebody we don't know and have never met, and your assuming stuff about presumptuous stuff strangers have said about your best friend and presumptuously continuing to assume stuff about your best friend at the same time. you had a lot to say about trust in another post but you want to know if your best friend is using you? how do we know! maybe if you spread eagle it across the hood of his car you'll get a different answer more to your liking.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Meant to be alone Posted: 11/20/2009 4:10:55 AM
Everyone's love life is a disappointment, until the one comes along.... ...and then your love life is just an entirely different kind of disappointment. ........................................................................................................................... haha! you think i'm kidding? haha! i don't believe anybody is "meant" to be alone... i also don't believe anybody is "meant" to be together. it's all just bullshit designed to self-validate whatever you're already thinking anyway. yes it can be frustrating to want something that you can't have... but that frustration is self-imposed as well.... because it's a huge waste of time to be frustrated by something you can't directly control. i say focus on what you can control... learn how to get better at that... and continue to create potential opportunities for yourself (e.g. POF profile or otherwise "getting out there" IRL), and quit worrying about the results.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date Posted: 11/20/2009 3:58:06 AM
I'm thinking because she invited me out that she would offer to pay....but no, she just stood there staring into space jeeeezus... as far as i'm concerned this is already an "epic fail". how DARE she invite you out for coffee and then play dumb when the bill is due. this is beyond tacky, beyond rude, beyond inconsiderate, and beyond dumb. put aside how hot she is or whatever the thing is that has kept you coming back for more, and give some thought to just how selfish and presumptuous that kind of behavior is. if you want to look at this as some kind of a test, she not only failed, she's crashed & burned. IMO. if you even think about continuing to date this person you are a big sucker who deserves to pay, and i have no further advice for you.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Do ANY Men Read Profiles (First or at all?) Posted: 11/19/2009 6:49:41 AM
oh yeah i forgot to mention that you can set your restructions to only accept emails with a minimum # of characters (that's letter characters, not character characters, heh). that way, you get a whole bunch of messages that say something like.... Nice Photo.... So is Mine. Nice Picture...... holla back. You're Pretty..... how are you?.... Nice Photo.... So is Mine. Nice Picture...... holla back. You're Pretty..... how are you?.... Nice Photo.... So is Mine. Nice Picture...... holla back. You're Pretty..... how are you?.... Nice Photo.... So is Mine. Nice Picture...... holla back. You're Pretty..... how are you?.... Nice Photo.... So is Mine. Nice Picture...... holla back. You're Pretty..... how are you?.... Nice Photo.... So is Mine. Nice Picture...... holla back. You're Pretty..... how are you?.... Nice Photo.... So is Mine. Nice Picture...... holla back. You're Pretty..... how are you?.... Nice Photo.... So is Mine. Nice Picture...... holla back. You're Pretty..... how are you?.... **[SPLAT]**... bye

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Do ANY Men Read Profiles (First or at all?) Posted: 11/19/2009 4:51:34 AM
nappykat, while these men are sending you monosyllabic bullshit messages, they are looking at your picture and holding their best friend with the other hand. it's a well-known fact that men are not good multi-taskers. so you can't exactly expect anything resembling intelligent dialogue. sorry.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

Whats wrong with people Posted: 11/19/2009 4:31:13 AM
heh she had you trained well. she can leave you for sam schmuck anytime she wants for a little R&R, and you always took her back. you couldn't have expected her to be anything but amazed and hostile when you finally grew a pair. look just put your feelings on the back burner for a minute and use a lil' of the horse sense you were endowed with. you KNOW this is a lose-lose situation for you, if you "cave in" again. and just because you have SOME fond feelings for this person, doesn't actually mean you have to feel compelled to ACT on them. it's that simple. p.s. full-blown hate is counter-productive and accomplishes nothing except poisoning your own mind.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

Are you sure your ready for a relationship again? Posted: 11/18/2009 3:32:20 PM
ironically enough, the more emotionally unprepared a person is prepared for a relationship, the more likely they are to ignore your sage advice. that's why i like me sum forums. and i disagree to the extent that even a relationship that ends badly has some very valuable things to teach you about yourself. however the only way those lessons can be learned is if the mind is open to a certain basic level of self-inquiry... and to my own existential amusement and/or frustration depending on the phases of the moon... self-inquiry is the activity often most needed yet most firmly denied entry to the thought processes of the walking wounded.... who neurotically continue to do the same things, get the progressively more disappointing results, and honestly wonder why. it's like a bad kafka novel. ;)

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Hes my fallback guy but I want something new. Posted: 11/18/2009 4:42:03 AM
1. We ended up dating and he was a jerk but I couldnt get enough of him. 2. We ended up staying together off and on all this time but hes changed and i have lost interest in him completely. gah, just another of those psychodramas that's the relationship equivalent of full-blown schizophrenia. you aren't relationship material. and you're using the guy. just exactly who are you doing this big favor for?? it's not nearly as complicated as you like to pretend that it is. end it. today.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

Whats the difference? Posted: 11/18/2009 4:28:46 AM
Most men know from experience that the advice women often give--be friends first, go slow--doesn't work. It doesn't work because most women are being persued by more than one man at any given time. A guy who moves to slowly is going to get nowehere. that's right, move right in and mark that territory QUICKLY! op i think it's a little bit laughable if you think you're going to get different results by changing the relationship field on your profile. men don't give a shit what you put in that box... (unless, of course, it's "intimate encounter"... lolz) they are responding 1st and foremost to your picture and perhaps... for some... they will sorta kinda maybe think about what you wrote in the profile.... if they even get around to looking at it. yes i'm generalizing.... deal with it. :) besides that, different people have completely different ways of interpreting whatever's in that field depending on their own perspective. sometimes the interpretation is pretty damn weird and off-the-wall. sometimes you will see people trying to pre-empt that in their profiles by explaining what they meant when the picked what they picked. the whole thing is absurd. because i chose "friends" it means i'm looking for FWB? but because i chose "long-term" it means i want to get married within 12 months? those are just two of the many ridiculous examples available to a twisted imagination. spare me. if somebody wants to make such constrained interpretations of my profile without actually taking the time to ask if they have questions, then who needs their presumptuous bullshit & drama before i've even met them and they can keep moving. if you don't want some strange guy in your face on the first date then you are sending the wrong signals. or you are sending conflicting signals... i don't know what it is. it's actually pretty easy to be clear with people what you want and how you expect to be treated, and to set whatever boundaries you're comfortable with. normal people will respect those boundaries.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

What does he mean? Does it even mean anything at all? Posted: 11/18/2009 4:02:04 AM
i see a disconnect between the say (or the think!) and the do on both your parts. a guy doesn't just rent you a cottage w/ a private beach for your BD, then ask you to move in with him, if he's only interested in you as an occasional friendly piece of azz, if you know what i mean. still everything is being framed as the FWB thing because it started out that way and it's the only framework for the relationship that you feel comfortable talking about, but i'm pretty sure that both you are starting to have feelings for each other that go beyond that level. so i'm reading between the lines and seeing stuff between the two of you that needs to be discussed, but that's still being left unsaid out of fear. again i think you need to talk openly about it with each other instead of this phony stuff of half-joking and tiptoeing around the issue. vvv ok i will try to be more direct: put on your big girl pants and deal with it! this is what real relationships are about... eventually you get to some fear and uncertainty and the chance of getting hurt. but real relationships involve real discussions where real solutions to these challenges are found. and if you're not willing to take the risk, then you're not going to get the reward.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

What does he mean? Does it even mean anything at all? Posted: 11/18/2009 3:46:37 AM
you two are obviously afraid of each other. i think you both want more than what the thing originally started out as... FWB.... but you're both afraid of being wrong or being hurt. you need to have an open discussion about this with each other. come on now, you can do it! it's not that hard once you get started. i would suggest taking the pressure off of each other by making a plan.... set aside an afternoon ahead of time for you to be really honest with each other about it. because that clearly isn't happening now.... so guarded! and you'll never be able to have what you both want if you stay in that mode... maybe order a pizza and get a nice bottle of wine... but set aside the time and be clear with each other what it's about... so that you each have a chance to think about whatever your concerns & questions are ahead of time... then go for it!

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

which one??? Posted: 11/17/2009 5:15:45 AM
i'll take a wild stab in the dark here and say that you're not ready for a relationship. ref: "I just recently got out of a long looooong relationship..." i would ask: why do you think you have to "do" anything about it? and what do you think there is to "do", exactly? do you think you have to choose one over the other, make some sort of a commitment? and why are you thinking about any kind of a commitment when: (a) you just got out of a long relationship; and (2) you don't even have anything going on with either one of these guys. stop projecting! date both of them, if you want. or neither one, if you want. but i really think it's probably in your own best interest if you keep things casual and easy for a while. and i'd be extra, extra careful about getting involved with anybody you work with. that's pretty much bad news for everybody.... it's just a matter of how long it takes to get there, lol. and either way, nobody wants to be the rebound guy/girl.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 38 (view)

Emails with EX Posted: 11/17/2009 4:21:24 AM
well i'm friends with 2 of my exes but i wouldn't even be emailing them 1-3x/day even if they were still sleeping in my bed. jeezus! you said: Messages such as; "Great to see you yesterday" "You Look terrific, miss your smile" "Great to talk to you last night" "Want to get together on Friday Night?" "I will call you tonight if I stay awake" "Love You Too" "Got your voicemail, Thanks" "Hope you have a great day" ....AND THEN.... The thing that bothers me more is that she keeps all this from me, and hide me from him. excuse me but this is bigtime bullshit. she's trying to resurrect this relationship with him but she wants to keep you handy on the shelf in case her little plan doesn't work out. if i were you i'd tell her to take a little break from me and go figure out WTH it is she really wants. that's french for sayonara.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

No-one likes him except me Posted: 11/17/2009 4:09:08 AM
well hey you don't have to marry the guy, ya know! here's the thing: if every single one of your friends and family thinks he's a loser, you'd better listen. i.e., you'd better think real long and hard about what they are telling you before you go too far with this guy. this romantic notion of following your heart can be an incredibly dumbass thing to do. i've been in a situation like this before. turns out my friends & family were right, in the end. my intitution and judgment is usually very good, but sometimes you have to realize that when you think you're following your heart, you're actually just losing your head and wasting time and making a fool out of yourself. that's what i was doing. i kept the guy around long enough to realize they were right. it was fun while it lasted though!

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 51 (view)

Suicides increase as foreclosures rise Posted: 11/16/2009 6:04:20 AM
i'm with lint... i have nothing to say in the face of all this despair except to be philosophical, or to say something that probably cannot be accepted by those who would rather choose the path of despair. because despair is a form of self-induced psychological/spiritual slavery, and the qualities of that state of mind tend to lead one straight to the delusion that other possibilities are just not possible. it takes a certain amount of mental discipline to not just roll over and die in the face of major difficulties. at an absolute bare minimum, it takes the ability and willingness to recognize that there is a way out, and to be driven enough to find it (besides killing yourself, i mean). you might not know what it is at this time, but to allow yourself to be herded prematurely into a death trap by the forces of external circumstances like a dumb animal, is just selling yourself short as a human being. IMO. who among us will find it within ourselves to demonstrate the power to not just survive, but to overcome? the weakest would rather die by their own hands, than believe in something bigger than themselves. the only faith they know, is whatever their senses are currently imposing upon their own nervous systems at this moment in time. this kind of power, the power that makes the difference between a victim to whom things happen, and a person who makes things happen, isn't observed in people who have not availed themselves to the psychological skills that can be gained from a religious or a philosophical education. they have no initiative, but again that's the path they chose and have been traveling.... because it was easy... easy just like suicide... a life lived and then snuffed out along the path of least resistance.... so all you can do is feel sorry for them. and a whole hell of a lot of good that'll do... so i won't... at least not for more time than it takes me to type this out. despair is a choice. what kind of choices will you make today? every single thought you make has a role in creating your future.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Benefits of warm lemon water Posted: 11/16/2009 5:08:18 AM
i don't know about all the claims the OP made, but i can tell you for absolute sure that lemon water can knock out a bladder infection in 15 minutes. well, yes, that's exaggerating. but, you will feel completely normal again within 15 minutes. actual infection takes a tad longer to kill.... drink a few more glasses throughout the day. fresh lemon is infinitely preferable. the stuff in the bottle works if nothing else is available.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Receiving a message. Posted: 11/16/2009 4:53:39 AM
i always look at the picture first. because it always confirms my suspicions re: what kind of man would actually write to me because they think i'm attractive. usually it's some dude with no pic and a profile that looks like it was pounded out with his toes on a thrift store typewriter during a drug-induced haze. GAH! y'all know they ain't readin' my profile! or maybe they are... hmmm..... scary. did i say freak of nature? sorry, my kind of crazy doesn't work with that kind of weird.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

honest answer... Posted: 11/16/2009 4:26:15 AM
"i presume".... AND "we never committed to each other"..... oops! .............................................................. if u were in my position could u expect more from the other part?? NO. next question.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

Nose & Ear Hair Posted: 11/15/2009 6:17:27 AM
^^^^the very fact that a man would leave the house and venture into public looking like the freakin missing link is proof plenty for me that he cannot possibly be "a diamond in the rough". personally, i'm not persuaded by "pioneer spirit", excuse me. that's why mirrors were invented. being that oblivious to one's appearance means there's a seriously flaw in the circuitry. it's a little like people who are oblivious to their surroundings... driving 40 mph in the left lane... blocking the aisles of the grocery stores, etc. that kind of "oblivious" is an absolute and total buzz-kill for me. you know how some people go totally off the rails about smokers?? well, if i find a "nice man" with freakishly disgusting hairs popping out of his nostrils, i'll know where to send him! vvvv happily single.... you left out the word "happily". and you're more than welcome. i don't "need" a man that badly. or "want", for that matter. eew, just EEW. lol. vvvvv

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 32 (view)

bf has bad time management Posted: 11/15/2009 5:40:31 AM
there are certain underlying issues that people have which manifest as time-management problems. your yelling at him for being late is like screaming at a lamp when it goes out instead of changing the bulb or fixing the wiring. and if this is such a hot-button temper tantrum issue for you, how the hell is it that you have managed to put up with this behavior for at least two years? oh and btw, people who have temper tantrums have underlying issues, too. see, telling them to STFU does not work.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

Nose & Ear Hair Posted: 11/15/2009 5:19:42 AM
I've met a few very nice older gentlemen who seem oblivious to the large tufts of hair growing out of their ears that is BEYOND disgusting. how can you even carry on a normal conversation with somebody that looks like they have an animal coming out of their face? i'll bet he has skid marks in his underwear. i do not date oblivious men. running-screaming-from-the-room dealBREAKER. If I find a man I like, I'll trim his overgrown tufts myself! whoa, brave girl. lol.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 112 (view)

Dating someone who`s a Cigarette Smoker and your not. Posted: 11/15/2009 5:05:34 AM
I wonder what people did before they had the internet to tell them whether or not they wanted to date someone... Ah well. Hey internet, what do I want for lunch today? ^^^haha! some people are extraordinarily sensitive about smoking. a few are downright rabid about it. OP you seem conflicted and obviously it's not an automatic deal-breaker for you. in which case, give it some more time and see how it goes. then just think, if it doesn't work you have a ready excuse: it was her smoking that was the last straw!

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 29 (view)

Should I Report This Guy? Posted: 11/15/2009 4:49:46 AM
His behavior towards me isn't threatening but it's rude and insulting, so you want to report somebody for being rude & insulting? drop it already. yeah like, what you should have done the moment you noticed he was confrontational. your bad for giving him your phone #. admit it, you were morbidly curious!

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

cheated Posted: 11/15/2009 4:10:35 AM
^^^ that's right, your problems are bigger than whether or not she went out with guys during those numerous periods when she obviously had no commitment to you .

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

why do men assume you want to talk sex ? Posted: 11/14/2009 5:08:46 AM
Most men think that 80% of the women on here are looking for a husband, so they can stay at home, eat honey buns all day, and watch soap operas. you say that like it's a bad thing. lol. and yet, i refuse to post cleavage shots. or me spread subtly across a mattress, insinuating pole-dancing pose against a hallway railing, or an alluring, come-hither gaze while wearing ridiculous f#ck-me shoes, tight clothes and black nylons. no wonder i am so incredibly, incredibly lonely.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

why do men assume you want to talk sex ? Posted: 11/14/2009 4:50:10 AM
what the hell is wrong with you. i say that as a wake-up call... hello!?!..... you run across one loser and somehow, you have actualy interpolated that to mean that "all men" or maybe it's only "the vast majority" of men always want to talk about sex? i don't know whether you're just expressing your frustration or whether you actually think this way. if you actually think this way, then your assumptions are going to continue leading you to a place of continuous disappointment and frustration. and that's the good news. the bad news is, they're going to get you into a lot of trouble. what are you losing faith in? humanity?... your ability to get a relationship?... a nice date?... and you're basing all of that on the weird behavior of one person... and all because you thought he was genuine, but he wasn't?? that's your mistake, not his. he can't help it that he's an a-s-s-hole. next.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

MATCH.com V p.o.f Posted: 11/14/2009 3:45:59 AM
i've been on all the paid sites at one time or another. you can't make really make much of a correlation between the quality of people you'll see over there versus a free site like POF. from a woman's perspective... i doubt men are being offered free trial one-month memberships... .so maybe on paid sites men have a better opportunity of landing more dates with women who are in that one-month free trial window. fresh meat, as it were. but i have this to say about that: even if the men were serious (i.e., financially motivated by a 1-month trial membership), does that magically turn them into somebody i'd want to meet? the answer is hell no. here's a lil' something about these sleazebag paid sites: if you go through the motions of cancelling your membership... right towards the end you'll get an option to continue it for a substantially reduced rate. it's usually almost half. their other famous trick is that right about the time your paid subscription expires, you'll suddenly get emails from people who are allegedly interested.... so interested.... in you. no. the only people who are interested in you are the folks in marketing and finance who want another six months' worth of a pound of your flesh. the emails are fake.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Looking For Some Real Honest Answers Here Posted: 11/13/2009 6:19:48 AM
well, my eyes glazed over until i got to this, the very last sentence of your rant: My fault for allowing her to walk all over me as long as she did! true, that. why did you do it? we don't know. you need to figure it out. breathe deeply.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

Are there women/men who wait as long as 6 mos. before sex? Posted: 11/13/2009 5:26:20 AM
:::laughs @ procolharem::: what's wrong with waiting 6 months anyway? and what's wrong with waiting 6 days? every single decision you make that involves another person carries a certain amount of risk.... the risk of not being understood... of pissing them off... being hurt... being misled... not getting what you want... disappointing the other person... getting a festering sore on your cooch... you name it. i don't think there's anything wrong with waiting 6 days or 6 months as long as it's a decision that two responsible adults can reach as a mutually satisfying agreement between each other and based on at least some sort of a rational thought process. (that second part might be a big problem for some people.) hey if you want to lay it down in 6 minutes, then have at it! who the hell cares. but just be willing to deal with whatever the consequences of that are going to be. and some of them might be [cough] unintended... 6 month person vs. 6 day person... mutually exclusive values. just not a match so the whole issue is moot. p.s. a bit of a laugh at the other poster who wanted to know why the question is even framed in terms of "waiting"... as if sex itself is the goal and a relationship is just whatever happens between orgasms. i think you're going off on a semantic tangent with the word "waiting".... and most of these people are probably closer to the "6 minutes" category ;)

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 24 (view)

Wanting AND fearing intimacy; an internet syndrome? Posted: 11/13/2009 5:06:53 AM
First, I guess I find it baffling after I have corresponded for 2 weeks or more and there is so much sharing and enthusiasm. It appears a rapport is built ending with on the man's part: "Oh you sound great, I want to meet you!" and then as soon as I say, "Great, I'd love to meet you" - POOF! well, this is the internet. operative word here: "appears". personally I am looking to find someone willing to explore BUILDING a connection. nothing wrong with that, but i think you need to move that goal post a little farther down the field. because disappointment and frustration is pretty much inevitable if you have that goal parked in the email chat zone. you cannot possibly hope to even begin exploring the building of a connection until you actually meet somebody IRL. and even then, the first meeting doesn't count... unless you both agree there will be a 2nd one.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

TEXTS FROM THE EX Posted: 11/13/2009 2:44:13 AM
you will NOT look like a jerk if you tell her: "Part of me doesn't want to hear from you because i do think about you alot and it's getting old. Although i do like knowing that you think of me, id rather not hear from you for a while until i'm over you totally." p.s. i don't know why she's doing it. her sense of empathy seems pretty low, but she is obviously getting a psychological payoff. my guess is that either she's a little selfish, or that she thinks she's lessening the sting of the breakup for you by reaching out to you casually with the little text messages.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

too fast, too soon! Posted: 11/12/2009 6:25:36 AM
Married and bored, or single and lonely....ain't no happiness nowhere ^^^lmao. so funny... One part of me feels like she truly loves me and another part fears that she wants me to marry her so she can use me to pay off her debt and meet her goals of owning a farm some day. oh no shit! you don't say... (mirroring, seeks power as the victim, seeks control and power etc.) However on the flip side she has some very beautiful qualities. flip side my ass! hello! there is absolutely nothing... NOTHING... in the world that makes up for the A side of that coin. IMO. I guess this is my lesson for following my heart and jumping into things too soon. What do I do? whatever it is, you'd better make damn sure it's something that can't be undone without going through yet another confused and painful and very expensive nightmare... like having to divorce a person like this. and if i were you, i'd start doing a whole lot of self-inquiry as to why i keep getting so mixed up with BPD people. you seem to be engaged in at least some half-decent analysis about the relationship already... you just haven't taken everything to its logical and most sensible conclusion because you're too emotionally involved. co-dependency.... that means at least half of this problem is about you. but it's likely you will have to make the decision about the relationship for the both of you, since you are the one who is asking the questions. at the absolute bare minimum, do continue with the counseling and do not get married until these issues can be resolved.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Playing the Posted: 11/12/2009 5:43:56 AM
Reverse psychology is downtown what I'm about. But I have used it just to get a lady in bed, and then after some fun, if I don't enjoy myself with her I make up an excuse why I have to say thanks but no thanks. hey bello boy! do the world a favor and put this on your profile... k? before some rompicoglioni has to lay it down for you moscow style, if you get my drift. haha. stronzo!

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Mooching off Posted: 11/12/2009 5:31:30 AM
let's see: you ask her to leave and return your stuff. your post was carefully worded to implied you were polite and civil about the whole thing, but we don't know whether it was more like you throwing her underwear & stuff outta the window. that would be funny. maybe the truth is closer to something more like drama and less like civil, because you actually retained a lawyer to demand the return of the computer and car. well, an entire week IS a ridiculously long time for her to stall. i can't say that i blame you. i mean come on, one really shouldn't even have to be asked, lol. i think keeping somebody's car after they ask you to get out comes under the heading of "painfully obvious". and then, and THEN!.. she wants to claim that YOU over-reacted? i would have laughed in her face. send her the bill for your attorney.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

Playing the Posted: 11/12/2009 5:18:16 AM
i guess i prefer my intrigue much more in the context of assassinations and taunting mad world leaders, and a lot less in the context of being deliberately manipulative towards a person with whom i had personally become involved in some way. yep, i think if i really wanted to get rid of somebody, i could think of more direct ways to do it: "get the f#ck away from me." works like a charm.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 36 (view)

6 month relationship Posted: 11/12/2009 5:02:37 AM
how can we know what is going on in his head? he seems conflicted. we don't know the guy and if you're spending 4 days a week with him and YOU can't figure it out... WE have an answer?? six to eight months is waaaay too soon to be talking about marriage.... i don't care HOW much you are "bonded" or attached at the hip. anyway none of my business, but you brought it up. and still, it's unclear to me who is broaching the subject of marriage... you or him... or both of you. which again begs the question... if the "M" balloon is being floated but you can't even discuss your respective feelings and concerns and questions about it with each other, then there's nothing anybody can say here that will help you. and your marriage, if and when it happens, is just another unsinkable titanic waiting to happen.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Confront or Ignore Posted: 11/11/2009 5:57:31 AM
you could confront her and THEN ignore her. that's always fun. ......................................................................................................... i think it's a little funny that you haven't even met this person and already you're pissed. what do you hope to accomplish by confronting her? do you hope to teach her a lesson? i'll bet that's it. if she's a lying a-hole then you have your answer and i guess you didn't want to date her anyway. NEWS FLASH: the internet is full of liars and cheats and nogoodniks. i understand you're being annoyed but i think the whole thing comes under the heading of "just not worth it."

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Baffled, Hurt and I Did Give Too Much of Myself Too Early... Posted: 11/11/2009 5:31:15 AM
wow you took a big risk to drive all the way up to maine to meet somebody. she took a big risk too... although she didn't have to do the driving. so it worked well for both of you initially, or at least for you.... she is obviously having some reservations about it although allowed herself to get pretty much carried away by the good time she was having with you... i'll bet she's doing a whole lot of second-guessing right now... about what exactly, who knows. the only reasonable thing for you to do is respect the boundaries that she's now setting for you. those boundaries might be permanent anyway, but the more you push at them, the more you guarantee that they will be. oh and btw, LDRs basically don't work. yes there are exceptions: mostly it is when two people are together for a while in an established relationship and one moves away, or if it is two people who have already known each other for a long time as friends from afar and then start a relationship... but to start out cold like you're doing with somebody who is nearly a thousand miles away... ugh. almost impossible. don't hold your breath on this one, OP.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Torn between morally right & right to be happy Posted: 11/11/2009 5:08:40 AM
what the hell makes you think you have a "right" to be happy? does that include the "right" to go wherever your wanker wants to lead you? that's quite a sense of entitlement you've got going on there, especially in the context of your seriously considering getting involved with a woman who you know is legally bound to somebody else at this time. here's a lil' clue for you: a "right" never comes without a "responsibility". you seem to have a major malfunction between your "cause" and "effect" mechanisms. oh! her eyes are unbelievable!!

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 38 (view)

How much is too much? Posted: 11/11/2009 4:43:10 AM
okay OP, here's my analysis. yes, she liked you, otherwise she wouldn't have said so and agreed to meet you for lunch. HOWEVER... it just so happens that she met somebody at about the same time that she really liked, and that's why she cancelled the lunch date, i.e., dropped you like a hot potato. alibi: work stuff. BUT, she didn't have the confidence and class that it takes to come right out and tell you that she was no longer interested, in spite of the earlier plans that you had.... yes, the good old disappearing act. THEN, you didn't take the hint and made a complete pain in the ass out of yourself with all the calling and emailing.... to the point where the level of discomfort on her side became so high that it completely overrode her tendency towards total disappearing and non-communication.... SO she sent you a nice little sayonara. see how that works?

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

The Kids Hate You? Posted: 11/11/2009 4:07:49 AM
let me guess..... the kids are pre-pubescent or early adolescent, somewhere in that area. real little kids are too young to be angry or hate for more than 15 minutes, and as we all know, teenagers don't care about anything. there's not much that you can do about it, OP. mommy needs to have a serious talk with the kids. part of that serious talk needs to be a whole lot more about daddy, a little bit more about mommy, and a whole lot less about you. these kids are projecting. the real issue here is mommy, so she needs to take all the initiative. unless of course she wants to put her entire life on hold [cough] until the kids leave the house. f#ck you, dr. laura. basically, she really needs to acknowledge the kids' feelings, try to get them to articulate why they feel that way towards you, and not take ANY kind of approach that they would interpret as their being "bad" or that they would be "punished" for their feelings. at the same time, they need to know that they're required to always behave towards you in a polite manner and that their personal feelings are not an excuse to act out like little monsters. unknown is what role the father is playing in all of this, if any. i hope there isn't any weird stuff going on between the mom & dad where they are playing the kids as pawns in a game of emotional chess between each other. on your side, op, i would probably play a balance of distant but friendly... neutrally friendly. don't take it personally hard as that may be to do, and let them approach you. and other than that, minimize the amount of time that you're even in their company... i.e., not going to her place if they're at home. i don't see this as necessarily a huge big deal. separation/divorce aside, if this is not a dysfunctional family, with patience and a little skill this is just a temporary phenomenon that will subside over time. if you peel back the layers of the onion everybody will discover the kids' real issue is with mommy, but they can't be angry at mommy, so it's only natural that you (or any other guy) is going to be the target for every ounce of their hate & anxiety & fear. it's not really about you at all. wow, and after all that, i can certainly understand why some people don't want to date some other people with kids!

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

I'm so confused! Posted: 11/10/2009 5:29:47 AM
what the hell.... you have "started talkin" to two great guys at the same time? "started talkin"??!? STARTED??!? TALKIN'??!? you're completely off-base if you think you need to "make a decision"... wow what decision... which one do you want to marry? LMAO! you're jumping the gun just a little bit. because you don't have a relationship with either one of these men. let me repeat, because you seem a lil' confused: you don't have a relationship… not even close. and you can't get a relationship without talking to people over an extended period.... that includes going out on dates.... with more than one person, if the opportunity presents itself... that's why they call it... [ta-da!] "dating". the only decision that's appropriate for you to make at this point, is how to not schedule a date with both of them on the same night. anything more than that at this time is way too much, way too soon. it's none of anybody else's business who else you're talking to online or even dating; this is not a topic for discussion but you're not betraying anybody's trust in dating more than one person as long as you're not leading them on. and don't forget, these guys sure aren't going to drop everyone else in their lives at this point just for lil' old you... not if they have any sense, they're not! i sure hope you don't have that kind of an expectation. big problem if you do.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Would you be with someone that you knew you liked more? Posted: 11/10/2009 4:45:19 AM
the whole thing sounds like it might be a bit toxic to me. really, it's not psychologically healthy to be that involved when he is so obviously not on the same page. why would you do that? because he certainly isn't reciprocating! you probably think that if you can just throw enough of your love at him for a long enough period of time, he will eventually love you back. some kinda twisted challenge for you? you're a fool! and frankly it makes me wonder whether he's just taking advantage of you. he might be, because most normal people who don't have some kind of a callous ulterior motive find this kind of a "disconnect" really off-putting. anyway, if you can't tell whether he's being cold and/or whether you're too obsessed, then that should be your warning to you that it's time for a major reassessment on your part. you've lost your perspective, you're running low on self-respect, you aren't thinking clearly about the relationship, you're making yourself into an emotional doormat, and you're leaving yourself wide open to a whole lot of heartbreak and confusion. but wait... there's more! quoting you from a while back (september, specifically): The abandonment/engulfment pendulum does seem to coincide with my life... I get really infatuated with people that aren't able to be fully intimate with me for a myriad of reasons, and those that are end up making me feel bored or not challenged enough. helllooooooooooooooo............................... edit: maybe you should stop coming to the forums for advice and seek the counsel of your favorite freudian/adlerian/jungian/pavlovian analyst.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Strange situation... should I, shouldn't I? Posted: 11/9/2009 7:24:01 AM
WTH. i'm not responsible for anybody else's stupidity. :-O you're changing your tune, i see. "he's not a terrible guy in general". uh huh. second-guessing is the modus operandi du jour for every heartbreak with 20-20 hindsight, yeah that's what i always say. he may not be terrible "in general", but how about "specifically"? lol... and yet... you started out with: I have heard all kinds of other stories about how he treats women - poorly..... these stories seem pretty convincing. i'd like to think that messing with him would not be your style, regardless of his non-status with the GF. just sayin'. because by all accounts except yours, he's an azz. by your own words you have received numerous testimonials from others regarding his questionable character. do you think you can fix him? or that you're just sooo special and perfect for him, he'll be nice to you forever and ever? or, do you want-need a relationship with a man so desperately, that you're actually willing to invite a person such as you (or others) have described deliberately into your life? to share body fluids with?? :::: :::: sorry, i didn't know you were looking for validation. i'm fresh out of validation today.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Strange situation... should I, shouldn't I? Posted: 11/9/2009 5:28:33 AM
1. you got involved with the guy, but it was confusing, then you went away, and when you came back he was "with" someone else 2. by all accounts, he is a manipulative, conniving S.O.B. still involved with the old GF 3. and you heard "all kinds" of other "convincing" stories re: his assholiness BUT.... he was nice to you. AND.... he went back to the old GF, but he is more "intense" with you lately. SO.... your question is: "should I try to reconnect with him? And whats the best way to do it? I feel like it takes the fun out of it for the guy if the girl makes the first move. Thoughts?" oh i definitely think you should be subtle. the sneakier the better! and don't wait... you will require careful planning of machiavellian proportions.... i think you could arrange to have a few casual pictures of you and him taken at the office, or out on a lunch date, preferably with your arms around each other, and then mail them anonymously to the current girlfriend. try to sneak one in with you kissing him on the cheek. then start playing footsie with him under the desk. it's obvious you two were made for each other.

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Should I just let it go?? Posted: 11/9/2009 5:08:17 AM
if you truly believe that you deserve somebody who can't figure out his own bullshit and will flake out on you at the drop of a hat, then by all means.... save yourself for him. keep yourself devoted and pure, because everything was sooooo perfect, and cry into your pillow every night until he comes to his senses, returns, and kisses you gently with all the heartfelt sincerity and gut-wrenching realization of what he almost lost, like prince f#ckin' charming. :::soft violins play in the background:::

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 51 (view)

Your two cents worth...... Posted: 11/9/2009 4:24:50 AM
wow i think that's brilliant, quoting a f#cked up trainwreck of a broad like marilyn monroe to justify my bad behavior while manipulating you into tolerating it at the same time (with implied sexual innuendo). i'll add it to my profile immediately!! does it work if i scream it while tossing a martini in your face, kinda like elizabeth taylor in "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf"?, or do i need to whisper it alluringly while batting my eyelashes and wearing silk in a candle-light boudoir?? here, let me also quote paris hilton, anna nicole smith and pam anderson: “Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.” "It's very expensive to be me. It's terrible the things I have to do to be me." "There's never going to be a great misunderstanding of me. I think I'm a little whacked."

*motown*cowgirl*

Joined: 7/17/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go? Posted: 11/8/2009 3:23:37 AM
OMG. i can't believe the amount of psychodrama and bullshit people are willing to put up with, all for the sake of "love" and having a relationship, rather than being alone. BELIEVE ME, being alone is better than arguing with trifling motherf#ckers about toilet paper. c'mon op, think about it. what's it going to be like if you go back to this person and something serious and, err, important happens? quick, change the locks!

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