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Thread: Being Stood Up Over and Over Again

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 21 (view)

Being Stood Up Over and Over Again Posted: 5/11/2013 12:50:49 PM
I hope you are not really that naive to think that anyone who accepts a date with you or any other man on a free online dating-site would not do a quick background check to make sure you are a safe person to meet. Dino57 replied:To my knowledge none of the women I have met from this site have done a background check on me prior to a first meet... I hope you are not really that naive to think that anyone who accepts a date with you or any other man on a free online dating-site would not do a quick background check to make sure you are a safe person to meet. To my knowledge none of the women I have met from this site have done a background check on me prior to a first meet... maybe it's big city American Paranoia that you are working off of or maybe most of us Canadians are just naïve country bumpkins - I might be a little more paranoid if I thought there was a good chance that my date had a gun in her purse or glove box ... usually if a woman carries a weapon in Canada it's just pepper spray and I have never has a really spicy date. I agree with Dino. As a Canadian and I am sure most other Canadians are of the same opinion, we would never think of doing a background check or court file check or any other check that our neighbours south of the 49th are so fond of performing on anyone and everyone who may even remotely cross their paths. In Canada, most of those types of searches are protected under FOIP (Freedom of Information) so unless you have a pretty damn good reason to pay for and have an agent perform these types of searches, you will be unable to get much, if any, of the smutty information those in USA are free to get at their fingertips. I suspect Dino is correct when he suggests that "maybe it's big city American Paranoia that you are working off of" as opposed to "most of us Canadians are just naïve country bumpkins ". Canadians have a totally different mindset and culture than do USians.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

Broken People Posted: 3/1/2013 12:21:27 PM
Freudian: I must be totally naive. Until the Weiner thing, I never actually believed this happened. Now, you ladies say it's common?? Wow. Well, if you're totally naive, then I must be so butt-ugly that no one is interested in me because I have never received any inappropriate e-mails or naked pictures from males in all the time of I have been on this site. What a dreary and drab life I appear to be living.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

Obituary Notice Posted: 2/26/2013 3:10:40 PM
Ironically, I've been thinking of this lately. I'm starting to work on "getting my affairs in order" and my obit is just one of the many things that needs to be addressed. I think I've decided that my obit will simply state my full name, my date of birth, my date of death and the actual verbage will be "Ding dong, the witch is dead" followed by the names of the two charities of my choosing should anyone wish to donate to in my memory. I am single, no children or other relatives and have lived a solitary life so there is not really any need to say anything further.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 376 (view)

Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.? Posted: 2/25/2013 12:56:52 PM
No idea how much they pay, but you'll often see these posters avoid confronting each other directly. It's hilarious and predictable. I won't call anyone out, but there's a whole spectrum of personality types covered by these frequent forum posters. Jaded women, player men, analytical types, fruity always positive types, etc. What really made it obvious to me is when I noticed that these popular forum posters never come into conflict with each other and avoid commenting on each others posts. They usually avoid posting on each others threads as well. You are so correct. There are various and assorted cliques going on behind the scenes where some of these things are discussed in private e-mails, on Facebook and on a second site for Over 45's that was created back in 2005 or 2006 by some POF'ers who were banned at that time. Membership to that site is exclusive and by invitation only. Although I am no longer a part of this scenario, I was back in the early days of this site. I prefer to speak what's on my mind on any given subject irregardless of who starts and/or comments on it. I don't kowtow very well.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 197 (view)

Over 45 & never married............... Posted: 2/19/2013 2:49:46 PM
How many here feel like they're from another planet for never being married by now? I've been on this site almost since its inception. I've been a reader of the forums the entire time. The knowledge that I have gained from reading the various and assorted threads is there appears to be a certain hierarchy expressed, perceived or alluded to as it pertains to one's marital status. Widow(er)s: Top the list at the most coveted position. No noticeable negative "red flags". Perfection in marital status terms. Still Married and Not Looking: Hold the "second best" position. No noticeable negative "red flags". Almost perfection in marital status terms. Divorced: Viewed with skepticism but still can be viewed has having at least some respect for giving a marriage/relationship a try. Not many, if any, noticeable negative "red flags". Usually in goodstanding in marital status terms if the number of divorces is not excessive. If there are too many divorces under their belt, then they drop down a notch in marital status terms. Still Married and Looking: Not really the most respected but there is some acceptance. This may garner a "red flag". Not ideal in marital status terms. Never Married: This is the bottom of the barrel position. This is the worst possible marital status one could have. Those in this position cause "red flags" to fly high. Often the red flags are many and varied but the bottom line amongst some who post in these forums is that never marrieds should be avoided at all costs because they are perceived to be complete and total failures in life and who are unable to commit, sustain a relationship, they are just plain weird or defective so nobody wanted them and they probably have cooties too! Is it any wonder why never marrieds often feel like they're from another planet? Nope, it's no wonder. The above are my observations of the attitudes shown by many of the forumites from the many years spent reading all the bravado and baloney that is written in these forums. Gotta go....I'm off to buy some bug spray!

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

The see extended profile feature Posted: 2/14/2013 4:01:22 PM
Is this the information that you need to input now in order to make any change whatsoever in the main area of your profile. In other words, you cannot update the main area of your profile without answering these questions....like when they "forced" you to disclose your income level a few years back before your profile changes would be accepted? It just seems to me that there isn't much or even particularly relevant info in the "extended profile" feature.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 85 (view)

Should I date someone who has been sober for five years Posted: 2/13/2013 3:50:56 PM
And don't be fooled by the minor children and/or adult children of alcoholics who have never touched a drop of alcohol in their lives. They are carrying with them some pretty serious adverse personality traits and often suffer psychological damage from being raised in an alcoholic home. Even when the parent(s) become(s) sober, the behaviour patterns / dynamics within the home do not change....only the lack of alcohol consumption has been change. These remain forever. "Hope" by Emily Marlin is an excellent read for new choices and recovery strategies of adult children of alcoholics.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

An American or Canadian pope? Posted: 2/11/2013 2:00:45 PM
I don't care who the next Pope will be. What I would like to see is whoever the next Pope is that he come out of the closet, acknowledge that he is gay, that he will procure his sexual favours with other adult clergy within the Catholic church and leave the children, particularly male children, alone. No more diddling with innocent children. Too much to ask for? I would hope not!

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 96 (view)

so , I have this question all the time , why so many senior guys looking for younger Chinese laides Posted: 2/10/2013 2:32:07 PM
LOL. You think people tell the truth in depositions when it comes to their own self interests, and you think women will tell you the truth why they want to divorce their husband, especially if they are fighting for custody or marital assets. Can you spell FOOL? ... I can certainly spell FOOL and I can also assure you than anyone who doesn't tell the truth in a sworn or attested to deposition is truly the FOOL. Lying in a sworn or attested deposition constitutes perjury. I worked in the legal field with divorce, family and custody lawyers for many years. In most cases in North America, neither party is "taken to the cleaners" by the other party. This is a myth....a fallacy. This area of law has evolved to the extent that most marriages are dissolved on a basis that is equal to both parties. What I did observe was there were some men who objected to paying his share or any child maintenance at all for those children he sired within that marriage. From my experience working in the field, it has not been my observation that 70% of the women initiate divorce proceedings. If anything, I think that figure might be high at 50% and not for the reasons the wife got tired of the husband. It was more likely the husband who got tired of the wife and stepped outside of the marriage to create a new relationship and new family for himself. I dunno. Just my observations from spending some time working in that field that women mourn and men replace.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 29 (view)

The Canadian penny being eliminated,pros and cons. Posted: 2/8/2013 11:09:45 AM
If we are going to eliminate coins, let's get rid of the loonies and toonies and go back to the one dollar and two dollar bills. I tend to be a 50% cash and 50% debit person so with all the coins, my purse tends to weigh a ton. My main need for cash is using our antiquated public transit system, where I must pay cash to buy tickets. That's unbelievable! Canada's largest city and you can still buy bus tickets from the drivers on the Red Rocket. Holy moley! Who wooda thunk Tarranta hadn't evolved into the new millennium!

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 185 (view)

Over 45 & never married............... Posted: 2/3/2013 11:48:59 AM
100 years ago, there wasn't all this selfishness, materialism and blurred gender roles. Men and woman married for love and worked together as a team to build a strong home and family. I rather doubt that the majority of men and women married for love 100 years ago. They most likely married for necessity and because it was the thing one did to exist. The men tended the fields and the livestock and they needed someone to cook, housekeep and bear children who, in turn, would work on the family farm. I wonder how many couples really loved each other when they married back then. I would venture a guess not all that many and most stayed together "until death do us part" not out of love but out of necessity and the fact that divorce in those days was unheard of. Many a young girl was co-erced into a loveless marriage simply because her family of origin could no longer support her as well as the fact that her usefulness to a man for child-bearing was lessening. There was still selfishness and materialism back then but it was reserved for the very few who were fortunate enough to live above a meagre paltry standard of living. People back then did what they had to do to survive; I do that today so in my world that hasn't changed. As for the entitlement issue mentioned in an earlier post, one can either choose to accept way of thinking or choose not to. Personally, I have no grandiose ideas of any sort of entitlement and never have. I am self-sufficient and true to myself.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

Calgary Compared to Toronto Posted: 2/2/2013 7:26:25 PM
I fled Hogtown for Cowtown about 34 years ago....I know....you weren't even born then. It was the best move I have ever made. Sure, it was a very hard adjustment back in those days - coming from a very metropolitan city to, in comparison, what could be considered a very much "small town". Calgary has very slowly evolved into a city that has made great strides in moving forward although the Cowtown personna is still very much alive and well. I can say that the lifestyle of Calgary is really very laidback. I had a difficult time adjusting from the Toronto culture to the Calgary culture but once I did, I could not imagine living anyway else in Canada. Unfortunately, I cannot answer your questions regarding the job market for your profession, rent prices and nightlife. Calgary has been very good to me and I am thankful every day that I made the move.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 378 (view)

Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s? Posted: 1/30/2013 2:30:24 PM
Awesome post, HannahMe. I think your post is very insightful and showcases some "facts" that some simply don't want to acknowledge. The only thing I would point out is that not all people who are on POF are here to date or find a mate. When I came upon this site years ago, I joined out of curiosity and not for the reason of dating or finding a mate. That has not changed in the 7+ years that I have logged on to the POF site. I have made many online friends, some of which have become real life friends, from reading/participating in the best feature of the POF site - the forums. In any event, your awesome post is bound to bring a lot of naysayers out of the woodwork. I'm off to pop some popcorn, grab a beverage and watch the reactions from some of the forumites.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 126 (view)

A Date Tonight Posted: 1/25/2013 10:36:03 AM
I've gone on dates where I did not plan a second date or hope for a relationship. It's just a date, not forever. I told the date that my social skills were rusty and I wanted to meet and try a new restaurant or something. I say I'm going to treat them to dinner, and we'll talk about our POF experiences. That's the sum of it. It's not a big deal. At the end of the date, I don't expect a hug or a kiss. You are absolutely on the mark. It is not a big deal. It's called social interaction. The point of the exercise is to collect some great leftovers, and put into PRACTICE the social graces and conversation skills that have rusted a bit. Of course, I talk to people everywhere....in lines, at the grocery store, or whatever, so I'm not so rusty as I say. Like you, I talk to people whenever the opportunity arises. Just because I engage in a conversation with someone, does not mean that it MUST lead to anything other than two or more people conversing about topics that are of interest. I have had the pleasure of meeting some very interesting people this way and have had some very thought provoking conversations that have enriched my life by having these conversations. My date should not be expecting anything other than a free meal and some conversation. However, it's been my experience that women STILL expect a hug, even when I've told them it's not a romantice date, and there will be NO second date. I differ in opinion on part of this. I do not expect a "free meal" and always offer to pay for my share or the entire tab. I do expect some conversation but I certainly don't expect nor would welcome a hug or a kiss at the end of a platonic meeting. I realize hugging others has become the "in thing" to do but I like to have my personal space and boundaries respected. I know people say they can go places with friends and such - but do your EVER do that? Really? Or do you do that same thing as here, and make up a bunch of excuses for why you can't go bowling, can't go to a movie, and can't meet your friend at a nice restaurant for lunch or dinner and split the bill? I have and I do meet up with friends for social outings when the opportunity arises. I focus my life on what I CAN DO, not on what I CANNOT do. Being open to meet and being agreeable to talk with people of all types keeps me fresh and sociable. I tend to do the same. I enjoy meeting new people and look forward to learning how they perceive the world through their eyes. It's enlightening, educational and enriching.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 27 (view)

Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners? Posted: 1/23/2013 9:00:26 AM
I own a cell phone. I purchased it after falling ill with a major illness. It is turned off except when I make an outgoing call. My cell phone was purchased for the sole purpose to make outgoing calls if I required emergency assistance while away from my home. I do not text. I specifically had my cell phone provider remove the text capability from my cell phone. There are only three people who are privy to my cell phone number and none of them use that number to communicate with me. My land line is for that purpose. I do not fill my life with “busyness”. I do not have a need to play to or be controlled by a “fan base”. I prefer to spend my time enjoying the journey of my life and, when I reach my life’s destination, I can look back fondly and recall the meaningful conversations and interactions with those who may have enriched my life along the way. Those are special times where my attention is devoted solely to being with those whose presence I am in. For so many people, what is now important is how to “busy” themselves up and be constantly available to communicate with everyone. They have become slaves to those who encroach on their time. When they reach their final life destination, will they recall fondly all those special moments that were interrupted because they just had to answer all those very important phone calls? I doubt it – while they may have arrived at their destination they completely missed the journey.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 43 (view)

Ladies over 45 - go without sex? Posted: 1/19/2013 7:05:46 PM
I wonder whether women can go without sex longer than a man can? I think the answer is probably yes. I can't remember the last time I had sex but I would need to know well in advance that the dastardly deed was going to happen. I imagine I would need a chisel to get rid of the cobwebs down there. <----- spoken in pure gest and humour!

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 29 (view)

Communication waning.... How to read? Posted: 1/19/2013 10:53:39 AM
All of this took place within like the last 10-12 days. First contact to today. We had spoken on the phone (as well as texts) and had our first lunch date just a week ago. That was the extent of the 'get-to-know' phase. The date was great and we really really communicated well. Things stayed great until about 2 days after the date. Then the intensity dropped. I made my best effort. Yes, OP, you made your best effort. You gave her the benefit of the doubt while being concerned about the "signals" that were present i.e. the lack of communication on her part. It would have been better had she grown a backbone and said that she didn't see any sort of future together but be thankful that no more than a few days were spent on your part wondering. You seem to be a very caring, sensitive and thoughtful man and there is a woman out there for you who will appreciate what you have to offer.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

Should I Be Suspicious? Posted: 1/17/2013 7:36:13 PM
The problem? He hasn't been out with a woman in almost 5 years. Sorry if this is naive but...why is that a problem? No need to apologize for your naivity. It's a problem because the man in question has long since passed his "best before" date in the annals of dating land. [rolls eyes as the sarcasm is laid on pretty heavily]. Clearly, according to the "POF Book of Rules and Regulations Pertaining to Red Flags" the book doesn't sufficiently address situations such as the OP finds herself in. She is seeking validation for an easy out to blowing off the mere possibility of spending 30 minutes over a drink or a cup of coffee with someone who may have no red flags whatsoever. Hey, there may even be some green flags but the OP will never know if she doesn't meet up with him. Live with carefree abandon for 30 minutes of your life. You may or may not be pleasant surprised but in the grand scheme of things.....it's only 30 minutes of your life. Geez, this isn't a sight unseen arranged marriage that the OP is signing up for.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

Has anyone wanted to or ever started their life over? Posted: 1/16/2013 2:50:44 PM
Have you or ever wanted? As much as it's possible. ... Leave your family/friends ... Move or just leave. I did this when I was 27 years old. I moved half-way across Canada to a city where I knew absolutely no one and started a new life. Have I ever looked back and thought that this was a rash, flash in the pan move. Nope. Striking out on my own and being rid of negative family members and friends was the best thing I have ever done for myself. I tend to be a risk taker, march to my own drummer and live by the "nothing ventured, nothing gained" philosophy; it has served me well throughout my life.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 156 (view)

Dating in our 50's Posted: 1/16/2013 8:48:36 AM
I was raised to not be a mooch and to pay for what I consume. I'm not paranoid about being ripped off, I've just always found women who approach dating with a sense of fairness to be better company. ... I was raised the same way. I do pay for what I consume and I have no expectations of "entitlement" for anything in my life. My thoughts are if you cannot afford to pay for your half of what going on a date and/or meet and greet entails then you probably should remove yourself from the dating scene until such time as you are able to. To expect someone else to "pay your way" is clearly an expectation of entitlement. Having said that, more often than not, when going on a meet and greet or a full-fledged date, I will often pick up the entire tab for both parties irregardless of who did the asking.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

health problems ignored-causing marital problems Posted: 1/8/2013 10:42:10 AM
thank you for your post. i shared with her. you are so right about walking that mile. i think this forum post is making her realize that she needs to let him be and do what he chooses. are you aware of support groups for NHL? My suggestion for NHL support groups would be to get in touch with your local Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and make enquiries of them regarding any support groups there might be. Another avenue might be asking the treating hematologist and/or his/her team of specialists. They may even have support groups that are facilitated through their cancer centre. For those NHL patients in Canada, contact your local Wellspring for dates and times of blood cancer support group meetings. Google is your friend. As for the blood issue, I would suggest asking the hematologist for a referral to the Anti-Coagulation Clinic. Most cancer centres that treat blood cancers have an Anti-Coag Clinic specifically because this happens a lot to blood cancer patients. They are really the best ones to ask questions and seek education on with respect to Vitamin K and one's diet. As for the spouse, SO, caregiver or family members of cancer patients and even the cancer patient themselves, most often there are psychologists available at the cancer centre to assist these people when required. I don't know how the funding works in the USA but in Canada these psychological services are provided without charge to those individuals who have been touched in some way by cancer. Perhaps your friend might want to look into the possibility of this being available to her. I have become friends with the wife of another transplant patient who has and is still experiencing some of the difficulties with her husband as your friend is. She finds this service invaluable in helping to deal with a sometimes ornery spouse. i wish you the best with your own health Thank you for your best wishes. I was just at the Blood and Marrow Transplant Clinic yesterday and was overjoyed to hear my hematologist remark that, for the most part, I "breezed" through the actual transplant and I am just about ready to step out of the role of patient and return to the role of human being contributing to society.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

health problems ignored-causing marital problems Posted: 1/8/2013 7:58:08 AM
anyone have any thoughts on this? I do. I have Non-Hodgkins lymphoma. Two types of NHL, in fact. I am currently in remission. My first experience with it was in 2008. During that time, I also experienced blood clots - a pulmonary embollism which was and continues to be treated with Warfarin or, if that drug name offends you, please feel free to use the prettier one - Coumadin. My second experience with NHL was as recent as 2012 when, in July, I received an Auto Blood Stem Cell Transplant. Consequent to this, I have suffered instestinal tract problems with internal bleeding. Due to the internal bleeding which is likely caused from the post-transplant medication as well as the Warfarin, I was taken off of the Warfarin. Within 10 days, the blood clot warnings that I get in my left leg were evidence that blood clots were forming in my lungs. I will be on Warfarin for the remainder of my life. Having said that, because I am on Warfarin does not mean that I cannot eat foods that contain Vitamin K. It only means that I cannot eat great quantities at one sitting and often of foods that have a high Vitamin K content i.e. five bunches of broccoli at one sitting. (Anyone who would eat that much broccoli in one sitting deserves blood clots!) Why does your friend's spouse do this? Probably because it's a form of "self" control - of taking back one's life. After a while, it becomes overwhelming when it seems every one but you is controlling your life - doctors, nurses, nutritionists, technicians, et al and now his spouse. I'm sure he is looking upon his wife as someone else who is trying to control his life. I too have been guilty at times of ingesting foods that were restricted at certain times throughout the last 4+ years. Is it a death wish? Nope! It's always been done when I feel that everyone else has taken over control of my life. I suspect your friend's spouse will probably settle down in the next couple of weeks once the novelty of "nobody is going to tell me how to live my life" wears off. My suggestion to your friend would be to let him take control of his own life. It is not her life. It is his life, his body, his choice and, if he so chooses, his Death Certificate. Until I went through what I have gone through since the summer of 2008, I could never have imagined what this experience would have entailed or would have been like. As the saying goes - walk a mile in someone else's shoes - is so appropos. It's a tough walk and an even tougher journey and, when all is said and done, the only person responsible for reaching whatever the coveted destination is the patient.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 588 (view)

3 Strikes - out. No more widowers ! Posted: 1/4/2013 11:12:38 AM
... have been chatting with an awesome man, for months on this site, and will meet him in april sometime....the, man i have been chatting with, has not made me feel rushed, and we have spent hours online together, and a few phone conversations, text messages and what not....It has been alot of fun, no pressure and a really great way to get to know another person The fact that it is the beginning of January and you will not meet him until April takes the "taking the time to get to know someone before meeting in person" to a whole new length. Sounds to me that it will take him until April to get his ducks in a row and glean as much information from you so as to scam you - being a widow and all. Unless there are some really compelling and/or extenuating circumstances that the first meet cannot take place until April, I suggest you live by the "buyer beware" saying. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 254 (view)

Dating after 45... Posted: 12/28/2012 11:47:44 AM
Women are "players" too. Multiple daters. Just out for free meals, drinks and entertainment. Men here know it all too well. Perhaps this should read a little different. Allow me to do some editing for you: Some Women and some men are "players" too. Some of both sexes are Multiple daters. Just out for free meals, drinks and entertainment. Women and Men here know it all too well. Let me just say that, on the majority of my meets with male members of the POF population, at the very least, I have paid for my own coffee and/or meal. In a good number of meets, I have picked up the entire tab if only to nip in the bud the type of gum flapping that is outlined in the above quote.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 407 (view)

Women question a man over 50 and not been married? Posted: 12/2/2012 11:49:21 AM
peace_luv_joy wrote: I have been following this and another over 45 post for several days now without comment. All I can think is " what an angry mob"... people so highly charged over a difference of opinion. .. Someone commented that this is all just entertainment...yeah, in the way UFC is entertainment... I have been doing the same. Boy oh boy, what a showcase for some of the worst traits and thought patterns in humankind. There are some really nasty, angry, bitter and cutting responses all put forth in defence of some peoples' steadfast and rigid viewpoints and then there are those who are open minded to the acceptance of the life paths of those who don't march lock-step to what society deems to be the norm. The former will not see themselves for what they are and the latter see themselves for exactly what they are. Very interesting insight into human nature.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

Are you still a big kid at Christmas? Posted: 11/5/2012 9:12:03 AM
Many, many years ago I chose not to participate in what I refer to as the "Silly Season". I refuse to acknowledge the farce that it has become. All year, I surround myself with people that mean something to me and have no need to feel benevolent or feign friendship. caring or concern during the Silly Season that otherwise would be lacking throughout the rest of the year. To each their own.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 30 (view)

Bald women Posted: 9/12/2012 2:12:34 PM
For those fellow posters who passed along their concern and well wishes, I do thank you. Please know that the blood stem cell transplant appears to have been a success and I am now on the road to recovery. I should also mention that I am once again wearing my baldness with pride in that I fought this battle for a second time and it appears that I am on the winning side this time around too!

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

DNA tested for diseases, WOuld you take a look into your future? Posted: 9/11/2012 4:27:16 PM
Back in the fall of 2008, I was gravely ill. The oncologists knew that I had cancer but were puzzled at what kind(s) of cancer was taking over my body. Through a bone marrow biopsy they performed a DNA test and discovered that two of my chromosomes denoted exactly what type of cancer was present. I had no idea they were doing a DNA test and when I was advised of the results, I was stunned by the results. Obviously, my cancer is genetic but there is no family member in my recent past (in last 100 years or so) that I am aware of that had this type of cancer. You could have blown me over with a feather. Would I like to know if there are other medical maladies lurking in my body? Absolutely!

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 73 (view)

Awaiting Supreme Court Decision on Health Care Mandate Posted: 6/29/2012 3:28:18 PM
In canada, if someone ends up at the dr. or hospital and hasn't been paying their premiums (monthly medical payments paid in increments, based on income), they are not refused service but when they get home they are met with the back owing bill of payments missed. If they pay the owing bill, even in payments, they're in the clear. If they don't pay the back owing, then this gets known by the drs. and hospitals and they have the option of refusing service, unless it's an emergency hospital visit. I think the gov't has the option of holding back tax refunds to pay the bill too but I could be wrong here. If things have changed, someone please update. I think you really need to be clear that the above scenario does not necessarily hold true nor does it apply for all provinces/territories in Canada. Every province is different in what medical services they cover under the blanket of universal health care and whether they charge premiums to residents of their specific provinces. I note the poster of the above quote lives in British Columbia where premiums for universal health care are still charged to persons residing in that province. I live in Alberta where no premiums have been charged for my province's universal health care services since late 2008. In other words, the Canada Health Act provides for basic health care for all residents of Canada but it is left to the discretion of each province/territory just exactly what procedures/services are covered and provided by each provinces'/territories' universal health care and whether or not premiums are collected.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

Bald women Posted: 5/21/2012 7:22:59 AM
I'm another who has experienced chemo-induced baldness. When I was bald, I felt it to be a very liberating experience. There were no bad hair days, no blow drying, curling or fussing trying to get my hair just right and washing my scalp in the shower was a lickety-split procedure. I did avail myself of a wig from the Wig Lending Bank at my local Canadian Cancer Society offices. I think I wore that wig on three occasions; the rest of the time I went bald or had on my favourite chemo cap. I am not a vain person. In two weeks time, I will once again enter hospital and will be receiving chemo amongst other procedures. I will lose my hair once again. Becoming bald is the least of my concerns. Once again, I did select a wig from the Wig Lending Bank but I suspect that this wig will get about as much exposure as the last wig did - very minimal. I have encountered people who are uncomfortable with women with bald heads. I look upon it as being their problem, not mine. I am fighting the fight of my life for the second time in three and a half years and if they are uncomfortable with a chemo-induced bald-headed woman, they'd best hope they never have to experience cancer themselves.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 71 (view)

being independent is a problem?? Posted: 2/26/2012 9:00:50 AM
okay....I stated on my page that I am "independent". What else can I call it??? I live on my own, support my self, look after my home, do my own repairs and renovations as much as I can, travel alone, eat out alone, make my own decisions, and suffer the consequences on my own. I may ask for instructions from men friends for repairs but I do not ask them to do the repairs for me.....and all these friends understand this and stay in the background. They understand me and my need to do for my self....they are my "lifelines" not my "keepers". I have been widowed for almost 3 years, was primary caregiver to my late husband for 17 years. "I didn't know how strong I was until Strong was all I had". I do not have anyone to fall back on, to talk about serious decisions with, to talk about my day with. I am Alone. I am Myself. I am Strong. I am Capable. I AM Independent. No other single word covers it all. I usually enjoy my Aloneness....I am comfortable in my own skin........but I hate being Lonely. There is a huge difference. I am looking for someone who understands and can deal with the fact that I am NOT needy. That I am NOT that "little lady" type. That I AM his equal in many ways. I am not looking to change INdependent to Dependent....but to perhaps change it to InTERdependent. So, my friends, what word would you use??? Why do you need to state it? Can you not just "be" without all the silly labelling? The actions of just "being" self-sufficient, on one's own, able to walk through life as a solo speaks louder that all the gum-flapping words used to describe being independent. Don't try too hard - just be.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 41 (view)

being independent is a problem?? Posted: 2/22/2012 11:51:51 AM
In my experience, it's those that don't have to stand on the rooftop and crow about how independent they are truly the independent ones. They go about life being quietly independent without trumpets, fanfare, flags waving or any type of ado whatsoever. Actions speak louder than words. It's kind of like the "old money" vs. the "noveau riche" where the noveau riche flap their gums ad nausem for all to hear about their financial situation whereas the old money quietly go about life with no mention of their financial status.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 451 (view)

55 year old dad with small children Posted: 2/19/2012 6:17:11 PM
Why is so difficult to understand...and to accept...that other people would find such "arraignment" not interesting? Freudian slip???? Thanks for the chuckle. Why most of you want to impose your way of thinking, your likings, on other people? Often times, this is done by people who realize the bed they have made for themselves and now lie in ain't all that it's cracked up to be and by imposing their skewed way of thinking on others is their way of attempting to gain control of a less than ideal situation they have chosen for themselves. But, hey, that's just my opinion from observing as I sit on the sidelines of life.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 25 (view)

Virginia Law: Mandatory Vaginal probes Posted: 2/15/2012 7:47:54 AM
I am female, as well, and I am aghast at both of the above statements. What part of "mandatory" do we not understand here? I have had ultrasound "probes," too, when I was pregnant and to diagnose fibroids and ovarian cysts. The procedure is not the problem. What part of reading comprehension do you not get? I was responding to this statement by a man who states that vaginal probe ultrasounds are NOT done? Oh really???you had a probe shoved inside you??? Most ultrsound is done on the belly NOT with a probe up the vagina.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

Virginia Law: Mandatory Vaginal probes Posted: 2/15/2012 5:41:08 AM
Oh really???you had a probe shoved inside you??? Most ultrsound is done on the belly NOT with a probe up the vagina. I feel qualified to respond to this comment....only because I'm a female and have a female reproductive system. I have had a vaginal ultrasound probe used twice in the recent past to assist in diagnosing and/or ruling out certain medical conditions. This type of ultrasound procedure was very useful in ruling out cancer in my female reproduction area although an exterior ultrasound was used and assisted in discovering an abdominal tumour. Most capable physicians would order both types of ultrasound tests in order to be thorough in their diagnostic testing. A vaginal probe ultrasound is not necessarily unheard of in being used as a diagnostic tool.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 19 (view)

Women without hair on their head- Posted: 2/14/2012 2:14:17 PM
There’s far more important things than hair, but I realize loss of ones hair is stigma in our egoistical society not easily overcome. No truer words were ever spoken. I certainly don't think someone's lack of hair makes them a lesser person but then I have had the experience of being bald and knowing that I had more guts, courage and stamina than many whose head bears a full mane of hair. Tell your friend to take heart as I can’t tell a wig from real hair, not that it makes any difference we could shave each others heads and be free of wigs and hair.. Think of the time and money she’ll save on hair product, trips to beauty solons, bald is not only beautiful but economical as well.... There is nothing more liberating than being bald. There are no false pretenses, no bad hair days and no selfish vanity to camoflauge just who you are as you present yourself to the world. Being bald and being proud of it speaks volumes as to one's own self-worth.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 36 (view)

Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets? Posted: 2/10/2012 2:24:12 PM
For the majority of the meet and greets that I participate in, there is no "interviewing". What I have found to happen most often is that I sit back and just listen. I seldom ask any questions nor do I interject. Most men (in my case) are more than willing to flap their gums and wag their tongues about how wunnerful they are. Heck, the last meet and greet I was on lasted for one hour and at the end of that hour, the man hadn't even bothered to ask me what my name was. I'll be "Tink" to him in his mind forever. It's also quite amazing and amusing what comes out of people's mouths when they are just too busy yakking and don't give any really thought to what they are actually saying.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets? Posted: 2/10/2012 5:51:59 AM
If you are so all-fired up anti-coffee shops, why in heavens name do you even agree to meet anyone at Timmies or Second Cup or Starbucks or whatever coffee shop venue you seem to be adverse to. I don't think anyone is holding a gun to your head or a knife to your throat and forcing you to meet at a coffee shop. Instead of whining about coffee shops, suggest another venue when you are faced with a first meet and greet. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy! Personally, a 30 minute meet and greet in a coffee shop works for me. You can learn a heck of a lot about another person by sitting for 30 minutes and letting their mouth run on. Most people don't pass the muster.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Cancer diagnosis, thinking of you basket OK? Posted: 2/3/2012 2:17:26 PM
I am someone who has experienced cancer and I am currently in remission. Please do not take my suggestions as criticisms but rather advice coming from someone who has experienced the journey into cancer, chemo and the road to recovery/remission. Please, please do not give a cancer patient scented items. While some patients can tolerate the smells and/or scents many others cannot. In the chemo unit at my cancer centre, they have signs posted asking people not to wear perfume or scented antiperspirant on the chemo unit. I know that when I was very sick, I would gag and vomit if I caught a whiff of an ordinary smell such as fresh coffee brewing or someone's perfume or fresh flowers or even a bag of McDonalds burgers and fries. On my cancer unit, there was a volunteer who came in and gave manicures and pedicures to the cancer patients. I was the recipient of these treatments for several weeks and it gave me a real boost of positivity just when I needed it. Perhaps a gift certificate for a mani/pedi or a massage might be just the thing to boost a cancer patient's spirits. Another thing that I appreciated receiving was magazines and crossword puzzles to occupy my time. Chemo caps - those were knit or crocheted by volunteers and donated to my cancer centre. They were put into baskets where the cancer patient was free to choose whichever took his/her fancy. If you knit or crochet, perhaps you could make a selection of caps for her. Or perhaps you could offer to pay a part or all of a synthetic wig for her. (Human hair wigs tend to be expensive.) Juices - I don't normally drink juice but I was going through gallons and gallons of apple juice. I had friends that made sure I always had a supply of juices because that was about all I could ingest. Mild herbal teas were another beverage that I was able to tolerate. As far as being nauseated by chemo, I went through 2.5 years of chemo and not once was I nauseated by the chemo. It depends on what type of cancer you have and the drug used to treat it. I do undertstand that the chemo drugs used to treat breast cancer do cause horrible nausea but my chemo drugs for lymphoma did not. I wish every success for your friend in her journey through cancer.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

Need help to apply for divorce in Canada without the assistance of a lawyer Posted: 1/20/2012 2:47:11 PM
$1260 even with you doing some of the leg work!?!?! Sigh very combersome indeed! $1,260 for a do-it-yourself divorce is really quite reasonable. Filing fees, process server fees, notary public/commissioner for oath fees, etc. add up quickly. Where would I call or go for the lawyer clinics (school) to look over the paperwork? Do I just call around to the schools to find out who offers this assistance? Check with the Law Society of Quebec or whatever the governing body is of lawyers/advocates in your province. Also, check with the Faculty of Law (or whatever it is called in Quebec) at the universities that are local to you. Just as an aside, I worked as a paralegal in family law in Alberta for many years. Knowing what I know, if I were in the market for a divorce, I certainly would not do my own divorce. As the old saying goes, to represent yourself shows that you have a fool for a client. Good luck.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

Why would one block one? Posted: 1/2/2012 5:59:09 PM
I guess we could ask you why you are blocking people from contacting you that don't fit the following of your mail settings which has been taken from your profile? "Male Age between 35 and 53. Live within 75 miles. Must not have messaged users looking for intimate encounters or sex. You must have a picture to contact this user. Must not be looking for Talk/E-mail Must not be looking for Intimate Encounter Must not do drugs Must not be married Must not smoke" This a three would block three - dry sense of humour here to!

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

During the awkward phone call Posted: 1/1/2012 10:10:55 AM
just decline the phone request , dont do them .. only one way to get a date on POF.. try to work thru some Emails , and set up something short and sweet ..its your only shot at this foolishness.. As far as I'm concerned, this is the only way to initiate a meeting. A couple or three e-mails to see if there is any mutual interest and then an e-mail to set up a meet and greet date, time and place. I always opt for a coffee meet and greet and in the arrangements e-mail, I also make a note of indicating that I only have a short time in which to spend with them. It's a quick, easy and painless way of sorting the wheat from the chaff. It's not rocket science!

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 20 (view)

How do you all define aging gracefully? Posted: 12/20/2011 4:38:06 AM
I decided long ago that I will age naturally. I can't say whether my choice will result in aging gracefully or not. I'm not one for phoniness or falseness so there will be no plastic surgery, no colouring of my hair or any other alleged age defying measures taken . I am the age I am and I no doubt look the age that I am or perhaps look even a little older than my age due to the ravages of chemo therapy. I have earned every wrinkle, every grey hair, every joint afflicted with arthritis and everything else that goes along with aging naturally. I am not out to impress anyone with a false vanity of trying to appear younger than my true age. As Popeye would say - I yam what I yam.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 81 (view)

If you had your choice to be able to fly or to be invisible Posted: 12/10/2011 11:39:22 AM
I would like to be invisible. Not for reasons of spying or the like but simply to be a non-entity until it's time for my death. I have often thought being invisible would be far superior to receding into myself. Yes, my invisibility would work wonders for me and my place in the world.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

what to say after the meeting Posted: 11/28/2011 6:28:18 AM
I prefer the coffee meet and greets that are quite early in the acquaintance . They are usually short and to the point in most instances without a great deal of time or money invested. What to say when wrapping up the meet and greet? I usually thank them for taking the time to have a coffee and a chin wag with me and say something along the lines of "maybe our paths will cross again" and bid them adieu. Whether you wish to believe it or not, they are probably wondering what to say to you upon leaving as well and probably have no desire to see you again either. Let's face it, only a very few meet and greets lead to anything past the initial one. Don't overthink something that in the grand scheme of things merely occupied about an hour of your life.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

Shunned by the neighbors for cohabitating - at 65 years old! Posted: 11/13/2011 5:38:42 PM
This is just a thought but should they make any comment to you about how you have chosen to live your life, you might want to ask them how your choices directly affect their lives. When I am accosted by people whom I liken to Gladys Kravitz, I always ask that question and they start to sputter and spurt and, of course, they can't come up with an answer and usually skulk off into the sunset guided by their red face like a beacon in the night.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 82 (view)

S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker? Posted: 10/24/2011 7:18:12 PM
All Canadians have health insurance ..... NO PREMIUMS NO DUDUCTABLES. NO CO-PAYS This is a NOT an issue in Canada ... Our health cards have our PHOTO on it ... and holograms to pervert duplication.... Whoa!!!! Back up the bus! You live in Ontario. Just because you might think Ontario is the centre of the Canadian universe there are other provinces in Canada besides Ontario. Every province and/or territory administers their own health care services. The term "universal" only comes into play in that ALL Canadians are entitled to receive a basic standard of health care and all provinces/territories are entitled to assistance in their funding of the provision of universal health care via transfer payments from Ottawa. NO PREMIUMS: Not necessarily - British Columbia has premiums. YOUR health card may have your PHOTO on it but let me assure you that my Alberta Health Services card does not have MY photo on it nor is there a hologram on it.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 45 (view)

S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker? Posted: 10/23/2011 12:16:56 PM
If you lived in Canada, everyone has health coverage. I know it's a thought foreign to my American neighbours but universal health care works pretty good here. So this is one red flag off the requirements for dating list - now I just to focus on the cheats, bitter, angry, not ready to date folks...just kidding. I think you need to qualify this statement. Everyone in Canada has universal health care when it comes to visits to the doctor, hospital, x-ray, various diagnostic tests, etc. Unless you are a senior citizen, we do not have universal health benefits plan for drugs, vision, hearing, chiropractic, PT, massage therapy, etc. As an individual, I purchase the latter from Alberta Health Care/Alberta Blue Cross for a monthly payment of approximately $127.00. I am now employed and I have decided to retain those two plans to augment the benefit plan offered through my place of employment to ensure that all things necessary to me are covered. I just don't understand why your coverage is so expensive. And it was expensive and it doesn't seem to matter which political party is in the White House. The US system is expensive because it is a "for profit" industry. All the shareholders of the health care corporations are constantly screaming for higher profits and ultimately dividends. If you looked at the hidden figures of the Canadian health care system, you would find those figures a little daunting too although our system is a "not for profit" system and each provincial health care facility is run by the government from taxpayers' money. As you are no doubt aware, Alberta is contravening the Canada Health Act by openly allowing the two tier health care system to take root. It won't be long before Alberta, being the rogue province of Canada, will have a health care system akin to that of our neighbours to the south.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 298 (view)

Confused about You're too old for me responses from women Posted: 9/11/2011 1:42:06 PM
I totally agree with the two highly intelligent, independent, lovely women who are a role model for all of us women "over 45" immediately above me. Please do not attempt to speak for me. I am an adult and I am fully capable of deciding for myself who is and who isn't a role model for me. Who is to say that some of us people, men and women, are in need of role models in the first place? Some of us are quite capable of blazing our own trails in life and have been quite successful without the benefit of an imposed role model.

tinkerbellcgy

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 93 (view)

Over 50 Posted: 9/4/2011 6:38:11 AM
After reviewing all the comments last night I did a test. I sent out close to 1oo emails to females on POF. The message was simple.....Big plans for the holiday weekend? In most cases I could see these ladies were on line. If all you wrote in your message was "Big plans for the holiday weekend?" and nothing else, are you really all that surprised that you had little or no response? Tell me this, if you were walking down the street and came upon a woman that you had never seen before in your life, would you stop her and say only "Big plans for the holiday weekend?" First approaches are first approaches whether they are online or in real life. I suspect those ladies who received your e-mails last night probably thought to themselves "Wow, I've got a real keeper with this one!" [Note the heavy sarcasm] I currently have a "nonsense" e-mail sitting in my Inbox that I may or may not respond to with a polite bugger off. Women on all internet sites are bombarded with so much attention and emails they tend not to respond unless you by chance caught their eye. As Iascaireachtarís said........we are in no (wo)mans land. Don't believe everything you are told and don't assume things and/or situations until you know the truth. The fact that you seem to want to believe that "Women on all internet sites are bombarded with so much attention and emails " is a convenient way for you to say "it's not me - it's them".

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