OCEANSIDE (Parksville, QB, Coombs, Errington) Meet & Greet Thur Jul 30th chat & forums.

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Thread: OCEANSIDE (Parksville, QB, Coombs, Errington) Meet & Greet Thur Jul 30th

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

OCEANSIDE (Parksville, QB, Coombs, Errington) Meet & Greet Thur Jul 30th Posted: 7/30/2009 4:30:56 PM
Sorry folks, two confirmed people have said they can't make it, so this will be postponed until NEXT week.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

OCEANSIDE (Parksville, QB, Coombs, Errington) Meet & Greet Thur Jul 30th Posted: 7/30/2009 9:32:32 AM
Hm. Read the FAQ, and it actually said that I could generally specify age, but of course if someone else wants to come they surely can. I'd just rather meet folks my own age, and I think most people are of the same mindset. As for the rest of it, thanks for the advice; I'll keep it in mind. :)

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

OCEANSIDE (Parksville, QB, Coombs, Errington) Meet & Greet Thur Jul 30th Posted: 7/29/2009 10:42:41 AM
lol, I wouldn't worry about it. I see that there are lots of other events locally, but again they seem to attract an older crowd - which is great! I'm just not part of that demographic is all, and I'm starting to wonder if the folks a bit younger don't hang out online in these parts. Or maybe we really don't exist - stats Canada says there are so few here that they can't even list the #. Still, I'll be there either way, and hope to meet some other locals.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

OCEANSIDE (Parksville, QB, Coombs, Errington) Meet & Greet Thur AUG 6th Changed Date Posted: 7/27/2009 6:34:03 PM
When I lived moved to Calgary I didn't know a soul. So I organized a Meet & Greet one night, and 20 people showed up! Some of those folks are still my nearest and dearest, and four years later - now that I've moved to Vancouver Island - I'd like to see if I can meet some more new and local folks this way. Where: Shady Rest Pub, 3109 West Island Hwy, Qualicum Beach, BC. http://shadyrest.ca/ Note: This is the pub side, not the restaurant which is adjacent. When: Thursday, August 6th, 8pm until whenever NOTE: Changed Date* Who: 40 & Under (do they exist in this area? prove me wrong! all the events I see here attract the 40+ crowd, but I'd like to meet some of my peers if possible) What: Some food, drinks and good conversation. Just walk right in, we'll most likely be in the addition on the left, and inside. I'm told I'm recognizable from my photos, but I'll make a point of telling the staff its a POF function if you can't find us, and will try to have something on the table stating this as well.

GRUURLY

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

Inviting POF fish you've never met for Christmas Dinner? Posted: 12/24/2008 3:18:16 PM
I have quite a few times when living in larger cities. This year I tried, but there was little interest. Never had a problem with it, and the Secret Santa gifts were always a riot (the only rule was it had to be a re-gift or something you already had in your house, i.e. no-cost). When I move back to the big city I'll surely do it again.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 30 (view)

Breast-feeding in public Posted: 8/9/2008 8:35:36 PM
Having both past and current experience in this matter, I wanted to share some thoughts. In 1997 when I had my first child, breastfeeding was not encouraged by the nursing staff. We had an extended visit in the hospital (with my daughter spending her first week of life in the ICU), and with every single feed I had to fight to make sure I'd made it from the maternity ward to the ICU downstairs with enough time to 'beat' the nurses to giving her a bottle. I had signs posted in her bassinet, and they still ignored it. I breastfed my daughter until she was almost two. I would wear a sling and feed her, and no one was ever the wiser, although there was one time at Lougheed Mall when I only had a stroller with me where I was asked to go to the bathroom instead by the security staff. My only option? Sitting on a toilet. I'm now nursing my seven-month-old son. The hospital experience was a world of difference, although this may have had to do with the fact that this time around I had a midwife. I had ample support and guidance from the nursing staff, although there were only two of us that chose to breastfeed on the ward, out of just more than a dozen I encountered during our stay. Do I breastfeed in public now? Yes, but I often get comments that I find less than supportive, even after going to great pains not to expose my breasts. Luckily there are ample places in town that support breastfeeding mothers here, and most proudly display a sticker on their front door saying as much, so that those of us in need of a safe haven to escape to, can.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

Meeting People in Smaller Towns Posted: 4/27/2008 10:21:42 AM
Walmart? I knew there was a reason why I avoided the place like the plague. :) I'm really not a bar person, although I realize it's not a bad way to meet people. Its just not something I do with any regularity, and frankly, getting a sitter so I can hit the bar just isn't who I am. Coffee nights also sound lovely. I noticed them last year when I moved here, but the timing isn't good for me. I will definitely try my hand at organizing something in the next couple of weeks though; I've had more than a few emails asking me when/where, so obviously there is interest. Perhaps a daytime gelato run or family-friendly hike.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

Meeting People in Smaller Towns Posted: 4/25/2008 10:57:19 PM
The Wave? I must be missing something. What's that? Cranbrook is definitely a hard town to break into; I lived there for five years. Very insular, although I hear things are slowly changing with the Albertans buying up land/the new casino. I found the summer was the easiest/best time to meet people with all of the festivals and music events. I was in Kelowna for a very short period of time and organized a couple of events there. No one showed up for one, and the other I wasn't able to attend because of a last minute emergency but I heard three people showed up. The ones in Calgary that I set up though were the exact opposite; sometimes 30 to more than 100 people would show.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Meeting People in Smaller Towns Posted: 4/25/2008 10:26:43 PM
Ha! See, that's a part of why I moved across the province myself. :) Volunteering is a great idea, and one I hadn't thought of. Maybe Habitat for Humanity needs some extra hands. Thanks to those who emailed me too. I realize the Comox Valley isn't a small place to most people, and I apologize if someone thought I was being facetious. I'm not in Kaslo or another very small town - just much smaller than I'm used to!

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Meeting People in Smaller Towns Posted: 4/25/2008 7:30:24 PM
I'm new to a smaller town and am having a time of it trying to make friends and/or meet new people. My profile has been up on POF for some time now, but frankly trying to get a response to emails has been challenging, or the people contacting me are looking for something I'm not. So I'm thinking more along the lines of face-to-face contact to meet people, hoping that maybe I'll have better luck that way. My only criteria is that I'm looking for folks relatively close in age (I just celebrated my 34th birthday). What have you done to meet new people while living in a smaller town/area? What worked, and didn't, for you?

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Shyness and how to get over it.. Posted: 2/28/2008 12:36:09 PM
I find if I can share silence with someone, it is a good indicator of my own comfort levels with that person. Having said that, if you want to initiate conversation in person, have a couple of topics tucked away in your head that may incite discussion. Go beyond the weather but not so far as politics. Maybe a place you've traveled to or want to, a news story (I just read that a guy in the UK repaired his blindness by having his son's tooth embedded in his eye), or a book or game you're passionate about. If you are on a date with someone and want to start something, converse about the surroundings (people, art, music) or ask them about a piece of clothing or jewelry they are wearing you find interesting... the list is endless. It is really just a matter of not letting enough time go by that your nerves get the better of you.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

50 somethings seeking 20 somethings Posted: 2/27/2008 6:14:19 PM
It is my experience that this kind of behavior is more telling of the people seeking than those it excludes. I'm in my early 30's and get similarly frustrated at times, especially when I kindly tell older gents I'm not interested because I'd rather someone closer my age. The earfuls I get make me blush - and I'm a trucker's daughter, so I've pretty much heard it all. :) I'd suggest trying a speed dating event targeted to your desired age range, which in the larger communities are relatively easy to come by.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 26 (view)

what are your espectations with POF ? Posted: 2/27/2008 5:55:52 PM
Also, which is the worst in my opinion, women wait. Statistics say that 75% of men on POF start the initial conversation. What statistics have not mentioned is the continuous work afterwards that men must follow up on, according to my buddy. So, women scorn through their many emails picking which to take interest in. You cant blame them, its much easier fishing when the fish come to you. Unfortunately for women that most of these fish have teeth. Yes, many men start the conversations. And if someone sends me a note, I'll answer them no matter what. That's what I'd want if I sent a note... but I don't bother anymore, because about 75% never get any sort of a response. Even a "thanks but no thanks" is nice, and I really respect those people who take the time to send them. Having said that, when I've sent "thanks but no thanks" notes, I've been blasted more often than not. I don't understand why people take it to personally when nothing has been invested other than a couple of words. I think I have the right to say, "Hey, I think we are looking for different things," or, "I don't drive and an hour commute isn't something I can manage right now," or even, "I'm looking for someone a bit closer to my age." So to answer the OP's question: I expected a bit more kindness when signing up with POF, and a lot less along the lines of the strange/weird/bizarre. I've met some great people over the years, which makes it 100% worth it to me. I have yet to date anyone I've met from this site though, but I seem to be the exception rather than the norm.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 32 (view)

How do guys decide shes not gf material only friend? Posted: 8/13/2007 11:37:08 AM
I believe in being up front. I'm honest. I say "I love spending time with you, I'm really attracted to you, but I don't think I'm looking for anything more serious than that, right now." Is that playing a game? Has the world changed that much? In my experience, very few men AND women actually come out and say this. Therein lies the problem. If I think this kind of situation a factor in a relationship, I'll ask. Still, not everyone is a great communicator. Kudos to you for being open about your wants and needs.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Online Housing Resources Posted: 8/12/2007 12:10:13 PM
I'm in the process of moving back to Vancouver (yay!), but have to look for a place while essentially on the road (weddings, visiting family). Any suggestions for places to look for housing online, other than craigslist? Thanks!

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

Kelowna: Wing/Pool Night Posted: 8/12/2007 12:07:49 PM
Sorry, I've flown the Kelowna coop. I hope you all have a blast though!

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 26 (view)

Wanted: Advice on Getting Over Breakup While Pregnant Posted: 7/22/2007 6:28:39 PM
Daisie - wow. Ease it up a bit. I was only asking for ideas on how to deal with my resentment towards the dude, which is slowly evolving with time as I get on with my life. Where I live I can only apply for custody once the child is born, and will send in those papers as soon as I am physically able to after the birth. I've worked as a social worker in the past, and have now researched the new legislation. As for going on a promise - well marriage is a promise as well. Only difference is marriage costs more; it's not like a marriage forces someone to be responsible for their child either. Plus, if I can't trust my partner, who can I? It is what it is, but I'm not going to defend my actions either. I made the best choice with the information I had at the time and have NO regrets about it whatsoever. Again, the post was for advice on dealing with resentment and feelings of betrayal, and I'd appreciate on-topic responses. No need to agree with me or be nice, but I wasn't asking for your moral views on my situation.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 21 (view)

Other Member Alerts??? Posted: 7/22/2007 5:58:19 PM
Not that long ago a gent on here contacted me for friendship only. He stated he was going through a nasty separation, and just wanted other single parents to yak with. I thought that was a great idea, and we made plans for a social gathering that I was really looking forward to (bingo if all things!) Just hours before we were supposed to meet, I get a message from him on here. Thinking he had to cancel, I checked - and it was obviously his not-so-ex wife slinging the nastiest things you could ever imagine my way. She had also taken over his account, and in the place of his profile she wrote, "Nice try! He's married." When I emailed her back and explained we were just going for a friendly bingo night and she was more than welcome to join us, she got even worse. I reported the account and it was deleted... but it has bothered me since, especially since I live in a smaller town. I'm easily recognizable from my pictures, but I have no idea who she is. That's the first time anything like that has happened to me, after over ten years of using these kinds of sites (on and off of course!) to meet people.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

I cannot seem to move on Posted: 7/19/2007 4:31:00 PM
Andy, This sounds like depression, and you may need meds temporarily. If meds aren't something you are comfortable with under any circumstances, talk to an acupunturist or other alternative health care provider for some guidance - but whatever you do, talk to someone. Call the crisis line (front of your phone book), look online for support groups locally, ask friends for referrals to someone who have gone through a separation with kids... something. Now. No, really. Don't reply to any of these messages until you make a call to someone who can help. If for no one else, do it for your kids. They must be grieving as well. Also if you can, see if a platonic friend can stay with you for a while as well to help with the day-to-day stuff that needs taking care of with 4 kids in the house, while you work on getting through this emotional crisis.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 22 (view)

Wanted: Advice on Getting Over Breakup While Pregnant Posted: 7/19/2007 3:59:42 PM
Thanks to all who have posted! The amount of support I'm receiving from total strangers is lovely and appreciated. One thing I should be clear about: this was technically a planned pregnancy. We were not using any form of birth control and I was charting my cycles. I had chosen this route after careful consideration of his promise and our discussion afterwards. Additionally, I've found long-term, stable work that I not only adore but that lets me stay at home with my wee one. Yay! Also, although I realize that there are many parents looking for a wee one, I want to be a parent to this child and have no intentions of adopting. I haven't taken offense at all to the suggestions along this vein! I completely understand. As for moving: I see where you are coming from and I've felt the same way for the past five months. However. The ex has now decided to paint me in a negative light (alluding that I am stalking him, changing his contact information so I cannot get a hold of him for baby-related discussions, etc.) and has made it very clear he not only supports me moving away, he encourages it. There is no midwifery care in town, and I we both feel strongly it is the best option for me and this little one. Plus, the midwife I've found specializes in single moms. Legal issues: I've given him the forms he needs to fill out and sign. He says he wants me to have full custody, period, yet for some reason he's sat on them since mid-May and hasn't done anything about them. Almost all of my emails to him since I moved (save one) have been requesting these forms, information related to custody and upbringing, or about medical information and appointments. As for the rest of the suggestions, I am working through them day by day. Slowly I am starting to feel better, and am looking forward to moving in September. Hopefully a larger city center with more supports will be just what I and the baby need. OE: I won't be tarnishing his name, I have no intention of doing that. He may very well find this thread and disagree with anything I've shared, but my purpose in posting wasn't about him, it was about getting ideas for ME for support and guidance in a tough situation.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Just an observation Posted: 7/17/2007 11:43:51 AM
Fleeing Moment: Couldn't have said it better myself.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 38 (view)

giving up for now Posted: 7/17/2007 11:39:17 AM
I hear you with the whole contact from out of town thing - but that comes with being on a dating site. I know it doesn't really help when you are looking for companionship, but there it is. I used to have the same problem when I lived in a large city, and was extremely frustrated with the responses (or lack thereof) I received. I read a bit (Surrendered Single is great FYI) and decided I had to change what I was doing. So, I posted in a local thread for a meet & greet, and 25 people showed up! It was lovely. No, I didn't meet "the One" there, but I did meet tons of people who were in a similar boat that I could talk to, potentially set each other up with, and hang out doing things with. For me it was a win-win situation. Then I moved temporarily to another large city - and the response to the exact same profile was so overwhelming I had to turn it off. Geography does make a difference I learned, and sometimes mixing things up a bit (which of course can include taking a break from dating) can make all the difference.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

Revenge? Yes or No? Posted: 7/17/2007 11:14:42 AM
Revenge isn't the answer here. Pay the bill if you are able and it doesn't stop you from eating. If it does... talk to him. Nicely. Explain the situation - he surely already knows - and see if an agreement can be met. I'm learning that many men work through the end of a relationship in dramatically different ways than women do; oftentimes the ones that cause the most pain and suffering are the ones hurting the most themselves. Not that that helps YOU right now, but perspective can help. I'm not sure how long you were with this fellow, but think about the things that you loved to do that you stopped doing because he was around. We all have those things. What are yours? Now go out and enjoy them as much as you are able.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

Wanted: Advice on Getting Over Breakup While Pregnant Posted: 7/16/2007 10:07:28 AM
I wanted to stay put where I am until after the baby comes, but I've since found out there are no midwives in town, and my current dr is pregnant as well and due before me. I've already found a midwife on the coast, and midwifery care is truly important to me. As for work, I totally agree: no one wants to hire a pregnant woman. Illegal as it is, it's just not going to happen. Still, I'm a freelance writer and found work at home doing something I love, which I can do from anywhere, anytime. Believe me, it took a huge load off my shoulders and I am eager to get started. I think part of the issue (for me) is that I have no support system here. No one to talk to, no friends, no family to hang out with when I am struggling. Many days I feel trapped in my house because of either the heat, or the fact that I'm likely to run into him or one of his friends on the street. I realize I shouldn't feel this way, but emotionally I'm not in a space to be clear - especially since I found out he was dating again during one of these excursions. Off to go get some journals...

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

Wanted: Advice on Getting Over Breakup While Pregnant Posted: 7/15/2007 11:00:13 PM
I should have said he's already paying support, but emotionally he 'can't be bothered'. I have gone out of my way to allow him to be a part of this child's life, even went so far as to say we should probably do something together every week or so, so he could bond in-utero and so the baby knew his voice. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to keep his hands to himself and this is where the being friends with your child's parent is morally wrong comment came from. The journals are an excellent idea, and I'll get on that first thing tomorrow. I'm already working towards moving back to the Vancouver area (mostly for a midwife, but also for a larger support system), but the income from the new job has to kick in first. Thanks to everyone who has responded so far. Each comment was a great reminder that I'm already on track, and just stuck in the emotional warp of pregnancy for the time being.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Wanted: Advice on Getting Over Breakup While Pregnant Posted: 7/15/2007 7:48:26 PM
Long story short: together 4 1/2 years, moved to where I am now at his request six months ago. January 2007 he promised if I got pregnant 'accidentally' he'd stick by me no matter what, and also promised to support me while I got my business back on track. All were issues previously in the relationship and why they were discussed. Fast forward to April 14th, when he ended the relationship. The next day I found out I was pregnant, and told him. "It doesn't change anything," he said. I had no reliable income, no place to live, and no family (both parents passed years ago) or friends (I'm having a hard time meeting people in this town). So. I'm out of my 'bad place' for the most part emotionally, have some income scattered here and there, and have my own safe place to live. Still, it's a small town and I've run into him on more than one occasion. Plus, he's advised me he's already going on dates with new prospects. I'm now five months pregnant, and last time we spoke he told me he felt it 'morally wrong' for us to be friends. What I'm looking for is advice. I realize I need to get over this relationship, but am struggling big time. Every kick I feel from the wee one reminds me of him, and his lack of respect, commitment, and absence in this kids life. What can I do to move on and deal with the resentment and betrayal I still feel? The floor is open... :)

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 20 (view)

When do you tell him/her??... Posted: 7/15/2007 7:04:26 PM
It's a hard one, because everyone has background. I had to decide whether or not to include the fact that I'm pregnant (planned pregnancy, he changed his mind) because, well they'll figure it out as soon as they meet me, but in all honestly sharing that information impared me from even meeting anyone for just friendship. Still, I'd rather they know. Anything else can wait, and one way to get to know someone better is by asking who they are and what they are all about.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 39 (view)

Ever had a date with a Transexual?Transvestite,crossdresser etc. And not known it? Posted: 6/24/2007 4:07:48 PM
I have and didn't care. Mind you, I'm bisexual... but I don't announce that to everyone I meet, either - especially straight women. Why? Because many won't even consider a friendship with a woman who might hit on them, but once they get to know me and realize that being bi doesn't mean I wanna jump EVERYONE, it becomes a non-issue. It's a fine line deciding when to tell someone aspects of who you are that may or may not affect your relationship with them. I'm in that situation now (take a peek at my profile, you'll see why), and I can honestly say it's not easy. The judgements bestowed upon anyone not deemed 'normal' for whatever reason are tough and frequent. Personally, it's not a big deal to me. I'd rather slowly get to know the person and make intimate decisions when the time is right, without rushing, and not in the heat of the moment. Sure, I'd rather know before things get steamy, so I can avoid situations like the not-so-kind response I had (hey, I was really surprised) when a guy showed me he had over a hundred piercings on his genitalia and wanted to have sex with me. There are some things you just need to be prepared for!

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 39 (view)

Vancouver is turning into a Renters' NIGHTMARE! Posted: 6/24/2007 1:02:39 PM
I think that taking to task SOME landlords for being greedy is definitely important and a discussion worth having. I don't mind paying rent, and appreciate a landlord who does what they are supposed to do... but how many of us have had crappy landlords that we've had to take to court? How many really fulfill their end of the contract? I know here in Kelowna, the city tried to mitigate the housing issue a couple of years back by allowing homeowners to build carriage houses and rent them out. Although the intentions were good, the local papers have reported at length that if you look at what the landlords are charging for these places, you'll quickly determine that the carriage houses are renting for more than the houses they are attached to, or are being rented at a greatly inflated amount in proportion to the building and maintenance costs. Need an example? One place I looked at was no more than 500 sq ft, and the tenant would have to share a bathroom with the main house residents (meaning trekking outside at night to hit the can). No laundry or oven was made available, although there was a hot plate and a bar fridge. Rent, including heat and water (but not electricity), was $800/month. And that's CHEAP here for a seperate entranced suite. Most shared accomodation situations don't go for less than $600-700/month plus utilities. I have no issue paying my way. I DO have an issue with paying for someone's boat and the mortgages on two homes, while having to plead (without bugging them too much) for basic upkeep and maintenance to the rental accomodations .

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 20 (view)

Why do men put pics of other women in their profile pics? Posted: 6/23/2007 2:47:19 PM
When it's a guy (or gal for that matter) obviously posing with someone because of their attractiveness, then I'll usually move on. Such as? A gaggle of women in bikini tops with the profile holder in the middle with a s**t eating grin. Otherwise, I don't really care, although I'd much rather see the main photo where it's just them, and then additional photos with whomever they choose. That's just me though. Mind you, if you look at my profile, I have pics of me with gents that some may take as being 'friendly'. So why do I have them up? Because both photos are full body shots and I don't have any others to share (and when you've got "a few extra pounds" on your profile people always ask so I might as well just post them), because these were important people in my life while I still lived in Calgary and miss them, and because I have their consent. Just because I'm hugging someone doesn't mean I was ever with them, and nor should it imply it. It's just me being me, having a good time with friends, and I would hope that anyone who posts pictures with other people's intentions would be the same. Competition doesn't have anything to do with it, or at least for me it doesn't.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

Cleaning out your closets Posted: 6/22/2007 8:04:39 PM
Post to your local freecycle.org board, if you haven't already donated it to charity. People will come in droves to take it all off your hands.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 40 (view)

A Question for the girls... Posted: 6/22/2007 9:20:30 AM
I'd call some legal sort to make sure it was all legit in case you're concerned she's gonna be difficult. In Calgary, right downtown at the 7th Ave C-Train station (across the street from the Mac's on the corner and almost right next to the Earls or Moxie's or whatever it is), there is a legal aid office where you can walk in, make an appointment, and ask any question for free. You'll get an half an hour's worth of a lawyers' time, even if you don't qualify for assistance. I do remember the University also offering a program like this (something around the lines of students looking for real-world practice) but I can't remember the name off the top of my head, and it may not exist anymore... I used it about five years ago. Personally, that's what I'd do, just to cover the bases. OE: Ah, you're already back in Van. Silly me, I missed that. Well call the Alberta Legal Aid Society and ask them for a telephone referral - they'll know who to throw this off of.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 29 (view)

Vancouver is turning into a Renters' NIGHTMARE! Posted: 6/22/2007 8:59:06 AM
Hm, saying no kids allowed is illegal? I'd love to learn more about that legislation... in Kelowna every single rental I spoke with or read about stated adults only, with no negotiation. OE: With a tiny bit of searching, I found it; cannot normally restrict children, unless it is a space designated for the over 55 set or those with disabilities, although a landlord can restrict the number of people in a rental suite. opens to PDF file: http://www.rto.gov.bc.ca/documents/RTB-118.pdf

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 34 (view)

plentyoffish.com makes the News Posted: 6/21/2007 8:46:08 AM
I may be in the minority here, but let me say that I find internet dating in general to be much safer than, say, meeting someone at a coffee shop or a bar randomly. Here's why. I meet a stranger out & about. I know nothing about them other than what they tell me. It could be true, and most likely is... but some people aren't honest folks. If something happens to me while out & about with this person, I have nothing (or, very little of use) to share with friends/family to ensure my safety beforehand or after an date occurs. Online, however, there are many many ways to track someone. I had a horrible experience a number of years back where I went on a date (in a public, safe place) and then went home. My date followed me without my knowledge. Several days later he showed up at my house, and proceeded to try and do things to me that were definitely not consentual. Luckily, my screaming got the attention of housemates upstairs. After the date left I realized I only knew their first name, handle on the internet dating site we'd 'met' on, and a couple of other incidental pieces of information that may or may not have been true. Still, I called the police, and thanks to the Internet site, they were able to locate the person. So although I won't use net dating sites as my fallback for security, and of course I've made some changes to my dating habits because of this, I still feel 'safer' meeting people online, first - even though my safety could be compromised at any time, anywhere, whether or not it has to do with a date's intentions. I'm not saying I want to be murdered, but I am saying life is too short to stress about it needlessly if precautions have been taken.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 29 (view)

TV Series you watch all the way through Posted: 6/21/2007 8:25:45 AM
Even though I don't own a TV and haven't had cable in.... gosh more than a decade, I still manage to watch full seasons of TV that I find truly entertaining or educational (from a writing standpoint). Deadwood The L Word Boston Legal Buffy, Firefly Ali G/Sascha Baren Cohen (UK, not US series) Kids in the Hall Quantum Leap Freaks & Geeks ... and any series or specific show that has someone I know in it or working for it.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 31 (view)

Relocate to Where in Northern BC? Posted: 6/20/2007 8:54:57 PM
I'd put my vote in for Kaslo if you love the mountains and the water, with an extremely friendly bunch of locals and a summer jazz festival held on a floating bridge every year. It's truly paradise, and housing hasn't gone through the roof - yet. Still, there are few amenities although the bakery downtown has free WiFi and there is a community hospital. That's what you get for 1,000 people I guess. Nelson, the closest largest town to Kaslo, would be my second recommendation. It has all of the necessary acoutrements (hospital, Tim Hortons, Walmart, library with free Internet access), with a creative, artsy flair that I still miss. Some people find it a bit bourgeouis however, and it can be cliquey. Housing costs are quite high as many Albertans have found out what a gem Nelson is, with many of them coming for the ski hill, the art scene or architectural tours that boast more than 350 heritage buildings. If you are looking for more affordable space that is still within bussing distance (a 'city' bus goes all the way up to Slocan City and over to Castlegar from Nelson several times a day), you might want to look at the outlying communities such as Taghum, Winlaw, Slocan or Slocan City (two different places), or along the other shorelines such as Crawford Bay (an hour-long free ferry ride away from Nelson) or Ainsworth. As for Internet access, I've had no problem in either of these communities/areas, having travelled and worked (as a writer) from both last summer. Oh, and these might not be Northern communities, but you did say you were thinking perhaps of moving more towards the Alberta border. I've also lived or worked in Kimberley, Cranbrook, Fernie and Sparwood. If you want some basic dibs on any of the East Kootenay communities, send me a note.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

Vancouver is turning into a Renters' NIGHTMARE! Posted: 6/20/2007 8:38:36 PM
It's horrible, and not just in Vancouver. I was homeless for six months last year in Calgary because there was nowhere to live. And this past month in the Okanagan, I couldn't find ANYTHING. Period. CBC even reported on the near zero percent vacancy rate here in May/June when discussing an apartment fire that put 30 families out of homes, and a recent article in the Globe and Mail ran a piece stating Kelowna had the worst cost per living ratio for housing in all of Canada. Living in your car (or camping in the bus) seems normal here, and I've met women with kids who are doing just that. So much for that Sunshine Tax. Last year I managed to avoid the housing crunch by volunteering all over the province at various retreats and campsites, which was a fantastic experience but completely impossible for someone working full time. All I can suggest is to expand your needs and areas a bit: put up flyers in the areas you'd love to live in plus places a bit more on the outskirts that you hadn't considered previously, keep on scouring the ads, take a look at the off-campus housing lists at the Uni's and colleges (that's where I found an affordable gem in Calgary), contact social service agencies who may know of some alternate resources (like the Women's Center), and so forth. Best of luck to you. I know it probably doesn't help but you aren't the only one making a decent living who can't afford a decent roof over their head.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

New Baby Posted: 6/20/2007 12:54:46 PM
Congrats! With my first the last month was a whirlwind of activity, and I'll admit I don't remember much of it - or the year afterwards ! I definitely pushed my partner away, who wasn't my partner at the time anymore, but we had already agreed to raise our child together for the first couple of years. We obviously were still on very good terms. Still, I had a hard time being nice to anyone in those last few months, especially with the heat (I gave birth at the end of September). Everything annoyed me and I wasn't getting a lot of sleep to boot. It helps to talk to your partner and give him a heads up. Then, find things that help you to feel better, and do them as often as you can afford to. For me that was going for long walks by myself, taking a shower, reading a totally engrossing book that had nothing to do with the pregnancy, and finding ways to connect with my partner that didn't drive me crazy. This time around, I'm finding knitting is a fantastic release, as is journaling and meditating. Prenatal yoga has also been a wonderful pastime; I went and grabbed some DVDs from the library. One book I've found extremely helpful is "Hot Mamas" by Lou Paget, which talks about s*x and intimacy during pregnancy and afterwards. Although my partner left just prior to finding out I was pregnant this time around, I still find the information held within to be extremely relevant.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 188 (view)

Dumbest question you've been asked on 1st date? Posted: 6/19/2007 10:43:41 PM
I have several favorite 'dumb' questions from first dates: Q: Someone once told me I have bedroom eyes. What do you think? (as he bats his eyelashes). A: Sure, you have nice eyes. Q: Wanna see them in the bedroom? #2 guy was a real treat, in that he was so strange I still can't understand (after five years) what he was all about. Several questions of his still stand out as being the strangest ever. #1: Asked as we walked into the dinner location, passing by some tubular lights: Would you ever insert those into you? Me: Uh, no. I had no idea what he meant until... #2: Would you ever have s*x with a stickshift? Me: Nah, body fluids are too hard to get out of leather (trying to make the best of the situation, but now wanting to end the date) #3: Are those real? as he - without asking - pokes one of my breasts twice like he was checking rising bread.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 24 (view)

Kelowna: Meet & Greet @ O'Flannigans June 14th, 7:00 PM Posted: 6/15/2007 9:51:41 AM
Hilarious! I didn't make it either, an emergency came up. I hope those who did attend had a blast.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 19 (view)

One by one or?! Posted: 6/13/2007 11:34:30 PM
Personally, I say conversation is conversation. Until I've met someone face to face there is no way exclusivity would show up in my vocabulary - and even then it would take more than just a couple of dates. That's not to say I wouldn't make anyone aware I was dating others (if I was) at the time, or if I wasn't interested in dating or in the right mindset to date. Openness and honesty are extremely important in my world, and I have no issue sharing those kinds of details and discussing them. Honestly though? To me, dating is getting to know someone to determine what kind of interaction you want with them, if any. Friends, 'buddies', casual, relationship, marriage, or any variation thereof. Until I'm in a committed relationship, I assume everyone is dating - and perhaps other people, too. Hopefully they'll tell me, but if it comes down to it I'll always ask. As for the unread deletes - yeah, those suck. I'll always respond when emailed, even if I am not interested in interacting (usually because of distance or major age differences with people obviously looking for more than friendship). I find though that the people I do send a quick, polite note to explaining why are usually (but not always) the people who send nasty flames back. I still do it, but there ain't a lot of payoff, that's for sure!

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

Kelowna: Meet & Greet @ O'Flannigans June 14th, 7:00 PM Posted: 6/13/2007 4:54:55 PM
I just visited O'Flannigans with a fellow POFer to make sure they could accomodate a group our size, which is looking to be about 20 people so far. They will be setting up the pool room for us with extra tables should people wish to mingle. Feel free to make your way there immediately upon arrival. It's the room at the back of the bar directly in front of the front door with the huge pool table in it. I'll be bringing along something silly to for everyone to wear that isn't terribly obstrusive (candy necklaces, if I can find enough on short notice) so that we can all tell who's a part of POF and who isn't, since O'Flannigans said they expect it to be a busy night later on in the evening. Also, I have word some Vernon-ites are coming, among others that haven't posted; almost all are in the under 30 set. If you plan on bringing a bunch of people with you, please send me a note or post here so I can plan accordingly... we want to have enough room without having to seperate into groups.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 26 (view)

Relationships and Antidepresants... Posted: 6/11/2007 8:13:50 PM
Ok girls, I'll call your bluff...which would you prefer: Guy who is clinically diagnosed as Mentally ill vs Guy who is not ? Our bluff? If it meant he was aware there was a problem and doing something about it, I'd probably choose the guy who was clinically diagnosed over the one who chose to self-medicate with drugs, alcohol, mean-spiritedness or anything else that he felt removed the specter of mental illneses as a label. Have you ever read the DSM-IV? I'd be willing to bet that every single human being could find something about themselves in this tome - the diagnostic tool every mental health professional uses. I dare you to go and take a look. If nothing else, it's quite informative. OE: "sir" I respectfully do not agree with you at all, and yet am still being brutally honest.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

Kelowna: Meet & Greet @ O'Flannigans June 14th, 7:00 PM Posted: 6/11/2007 8:00:05 PM
Good to see there is lots of interest, even if some people can't make it. We're at about 16-18 people now confirmed, which is both a lot more than I expected and really exciting. Looking forward to seeing everyone.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

Relationships and Antidepresants... Posted: 6/11/2007 5:24:22 PM
I've dated a surprisingly large number of people with mental health struggles: bipolarity, depression, anxiety and so forth. Here's my take on it: Many of the most prolific artists and writers have had serious mental health complaints. Being a writer myself, I understand (and sometimes get a little too close to) the line between insanity and genius to create a work of art. I could make a list of celebrities (contemporary and otherwise) with known issues, but when it comes down to it, I'll bet every single one of us knows someone who has, or will, struggle with their mental health - whether you are aware of it or not. With that in mind, I'm open to dating or mating with someone who is on an antidepressant - but ONLY if they are actively pursuing other treatment as well, such as counseling, group therapy, etc.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

Cell phone providers in Kelowna Posted: 6/10/2007 7:29:48 PM
I'm not a huge fan, but Telus pay and talk has nights & weekends free from 6 to 6 for $30 a month. I've used it for years without issue in Kelowna, Calgary, some of the smaller islands, and Vancouver.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 103 (view)

Women Making Initial Contact Posted: 6/9/2007 5:22:24 PM
No intimidation factor here. It's easier than saying hi to a stranger on the street in my opinion. Still, I find the gross majority of my messages to men get the 'read delete' treatment, although the proportion is definitely higher where I live now (Kelowna) than where I've lived in the past (Nelson, Calgary, Vancouver, Salt Spring Island). I can honestly also say that I have yet to meet anyone face to face for a date that I've initiated contact with, unless it was at a meet.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 44 (view)

Do you ever not repond when they have a ton of favorites? Posted: 6/9/2007 5:14:09 PM
I used to have hundreds of people that had me added to their favorites list. Why? Because I used to plan huge events in Calgary, and people wanted to message me to see if tickets were still available, who else was coming, what the age range was like, and so forth. It made it easier for them to contact me, and I had no problem with it. In fact, I encouraged it. Since I moved away, it's changed and that works too, but many of these people are still on my favorites because I consider them a friend. Again, I'd rather just be able to say, "Hi!" quickly than go searching for their handle - which with some people it changes on a daily basis and there is NO way I'd ever find them in a search, especially in a larger community. But to look at my "numbers" and judge me as to whether or not I am note-worthy, especially if it's a free contact? Honestly, I think that's more than a bit silly. There are soooo many other things to fret about.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

Kelowna: Meet & Greet @ O'Flannigans June 14th, 7:00 PM Posted: 6/9/2007 10:22:28 AM
Of course! I hope it's a gorgeous drive for you, minus the low-lying clouds we've been having lately. FYI: Looks like we've got about a dozen people so far that are coming in a wide age range.

gruurly

Joined: 9/17/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Kelowna: Free Yoga Picnic in the Park Posted: 6/8/2007 12:15:53 PM
Although not a singles event persay, I thought other single Kelowna-ites might be interested in meeting up together for some social time after this free event. When: Sunday June 10th, from 11am - 2pm Where: Behind the children's water park at the Kelowna City Park downtown Who: Everyone! All ages and ability levels. The picnic includes a yoga class, meditation and vegetarian meal - all for free. Donations are welcome but not necessary. I'm not putting on this event, but if you require more information their contact info can be found at http://www.kelownameditationcenter.com/

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