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Thread: Should i stay or should i go

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 42 (view)

Should i stay or should i go Posted: 11/25/2009 8:10:56 AM
I may be the only one comming to your defence here, but the hell with it, I'm jumping in. Yeah, I've been in your shoes. I dated a woman after my wife died who was kind, a great person, easy to get along with, had all sorts of qualities that I like, but for some reason just wasn't "it" . My rational brain said that this was the woman I should be with. My heart, however, never caught up. I stayed with her after I knew that my feelings were never going to move past respect for her. And that was the worst part because by not being honest with myself, and her as well, I wasn't showing her the real respect she desevered. It finally took a long time to realize that the longer I waited to break-up with her, the worst I was making it for her. The break-up was devestating for her since she was really in love with me. I do honestly hope that she moves on with her life and finds the man who loves her for all the great qualities she has. I still feel guilty to this day for not ending it earlier and leading her on (not directly intentionally, but just as bad either way). Good luck either no matter what you decide to do.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

two different body temps and sleeping Posted: 11/24/2009 1:48:17 PM
This is so NOT a minor issue. I've lost a relationship because of sleeping issues (the actual unconsiousness part). Good luck

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 32 (view)

What does he mean? Does it even mean anything at all? Posted: 11/24/2009 1:40:59 PM
Is this for real or a plot from a Lifetime (tm) movie? You're both REALLY into each other and both scared as hell that the other person doesn't feel the same way. Here's what you do.. Ready?... TELL HIM!!!! then live happily ever after.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 127 (view)

Would you cheat on SO for alot of money? Posted: 11/24/2009 1:28:12 PM
Nope, wouldn't cheat. That having been said, we had a game where we got to pick 3 people that having sex with wasn't cheating.. her picks were Brad Pitt, Sean Connery and George Clooney. Mine had to change often since starletts just don't seem to last. It was fun for us since there was never any doubt about the other person. Insecurity would have really sucked.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Families...how much time to spend with them Posted: 11/24/2009 1:21:14 PM
There just isn't a right or wrong answer to that. You have a relationship with your elderly parents and want to be there for them. She doesn't. You are both right. Sounds like there is a good reason she is your EX. If seeing your parents is part of who you are, then anyone who doesn't like it also doesn't like a part of you. My late wifes family was extended and involved and took a bunch of her time. But it also made her who she was. It was all part of the package.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 129 (view)

How far should you go once it gets to the bedroom? Posted: 11/24/2009 1:15:49 PM
Good sex as well as a good relationship in general, is about respecting the other person and their boundries. Could one/should one hold something back? That's up to the individual. Should that person be able to hold something back? HELL YES! A "not yet" on some things has often led to a "please, please, please" on the very same thing later in a relationship because serious trust had been built. I have a hard time getting my mind to accept that building so much trust in another person to say "Whatever you want to do or have done is fine" can come before the first sexual encounter. Maybe my imagination is too wild?

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 175 (view)

What is your Bail? Posted: 11/23/2009 6:46:47 PM
Is it bad that I feel a little dissapointed that it wasn't more Not at all, now you have something to shoot for!

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 45 (view)

How Much Should I Disclose? Posted: 11/23/2009 12:41:49 PM
Please, please, please set them up, stay in the middle, communicate for them, do whatever you can to stay involved so that you can keep posting about them here. Plus, if it doesn't work out, they can blame you for everything! Then WE get to read about it here. Wee, what a wild ride this could be!

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 173 (view)

What is your Bail? Posted: 11/23/2009 12:33:16 PM
$455 wow.. Thankfully I never fell in love with a stripper or I might not be able to bail myself out.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 100 (view)

honest answer... Posted: 11/19/2009 12:17:14 PM
Umm, perhaps I'm just slow today, but what really is the question that needs an honest answer? Seems like you've answered it yourself.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

am i being used? Posted: 11/19/2009 12:09:38 PM
This is the plot for a bad soap opera I hope, because if what you've written is true you should get on a plane, fly to spain, and start this up again over there. But please leave your computer at home. Thank you.. (boy am I in a snarky mood today!)

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

Should I hang in there Posted: 11/19/2009 11:59:11 AM
No, don't hang in there. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. He probably likes you, but isn't in love, nor will he fall in love with you. The best thing you can do is pick yourself up and move along.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

what advise i give my friend Posted: 11/19/2009 11:44:10 AM
advise your friend to move on. Unless your "friend" is into being put-down because she has low self esteem or just likes being walked all over, then in that case I'd say change nothing and stop bothering you with "her" problems.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

why do people feel like they need someone in their life . Posted: 11/19/2009 10:48:14 AM
Your asking this on a dating site? hmm..

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 33 (view)

what is the reason for ... Posted: 11/19/2009 10:35:43 AM
The fact that he takes care of himself isn't pervy since 99.999999% of men do (the rest lie) But bringing it up so early? why? why even mention it? Yeah, we all masturbate, so what's the point in bringing it up other than to initiate a phone sex conversation? Do men on this site really think that this is normal to bring it up so early? Do they really think that there are other men that don't "take care of themselves"? Really? Glad I'm not a woman.. things would just be too weird for me.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

Is it really such a good idea to fish off the hobby pier? Posted: 11/18/2009 7:53:32 PM
My hobbies include working on old VWs, ham radio and sailing. AND I live in a county of 45,000 full time residents hung off the butt of Florida. I'd be shocked if there was a single woman in this county into the same things (sailing maybe, but the other 2 I seriously doubt) so the odds of me meeting someone through these hobbies is somewhere between slim and none. And I'm not really sure I'd want to date a woman into the same things as me anyway.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Text talk in the over 30s Posted: 11/18/2009 7:47:24 PM
my 16yo daughter doesn't even use text talk when texting. I sometimes get those emails, and a couple of times I've responded. But looking back it would have been just as well if I didn't.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 99 (view)

do u find the older u get, when u are not in love, sex isnt as great? Posted: 11/18/2009 7:33:46 PM
Casual sex is just as good at 45 as it was at 17. The real difference is that at 45 I've had a long term active relationship and know how much better it can be. It's like ice cream. when you're a kid the cheap stuff is great just because it's ice cream. But when your older and know the difference you learn that the premium, hand crafted stuff is so much better that the plain old cheap stuff just doesn't do it for you anymore.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Sensitive nipples Posted: 11/18/2009 7:26:23 PM
I really appreciate when a woman makes the effort to give me that pleasure, but unfortunately it has no effect on me at all. Oh well, my loss.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

what is the reason for ... Posted: 11/18/2009 7:24:41 PM
Lo0k on the bright side, you know he's a creepy perv before it was too late.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 41 (view)

whats the most orgasms you've had in one day? Posted: 11/18/2009 10:01:44 AM
8, no wait.. 9.. gimme a sec, 10.. OMG I might go blind.. 11.. ouch.. 12.. wow that was.. 14.. lets see if I can.. 15.. ok I'm done. Did you mean in a day or in a post? sorry, now my keyboard is all messed-up

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

AHHHH SANTA! Posted: 11/16/2009 6:02:46 PM
One of the strangest jobs I ever took was taking pictures of kids sitting on the Chamber of Commerce's Santa lap. The little kids (5 and under) were mostly freaked-out and would run or cry. Where our Santa had the most fun was when the local accountant school would drop off students downtown next to our booth. Santa had plenty of 21-25 year old women to sit on his lap who didn't cry. A little squeek of surprise sometimes, but that is for another forum

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 144 (view)

Has your Adult ADD ruined/sabotaged relationships? Posted: 11/16/2009 5:43:24 PM
Several girlfriends would make that comment about me, but use "Butterfly" when I'd suddenly skew off topic, or get up to get something mid sentence, or burst out with a story in the middle of sex... Serge? Serge A Storms? is this POF or did I just drop into a Tim Dorsey book? Hyperfocus during sex is generally a good thing, but if it's so routine that you can drop into a story, then it's time to spice things up.. but that's for another forum

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 84 (view)

You know you're getting old when ... Posted: 11/15/2009 7:43:55 AM
When I found my old "Pong" game that must have cost $100. My kids both looked at me with that horror movie face as if to say "Dad, we didn't know you were THAT old!"

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Kissing during sex; cuddling after sex. Posted: 11/14/2009 8:16:25 PM
Kissing before, during and after. otherwise why am I having sex with this person in the first place? As far as cuddling, I like to for a while unless it's so hot in the room that we're uncomfortably sweaty, then I'll settle for holing hands. I can't sleep that way though. eventually I'll have to roll onto my stomach to fall asleep.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

cell phones and cheating Posted: 11/14/2009 8:03:51 PM
" here hun, take a good long look at the phone, and then take a good long look at me because it's the last your getting of either"

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Problems with ex's church Posted: 11/13/2009 1:41:04 PM
If you hit my kid, you've hit me. Then you have a real problem. The simple solution is to tell your ex that your "friendly" divorce is about to change if he even THINKS about putting your kids in that enviroment. Then, if he did I would go from a rather easy-going person to raving lunatic from hell, show up at the church with camera and cell phone already to call 911 in hand. Yeah, I had physical punishment used on me as a kid. Took a long time to learn that violence was wrong. It can fcuk your kids up for a long time. Can you tell I might have some deep feelings about this?

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 37 (view)

Would you keep texting a women if you weren't interested? Guys help? Posted: 11/13/2009 12:30:51 PM
He thinks he's dating over his head. Been there myself (actually right now) so I get him. Here are my list of possibilities: 1 he thinks you're out of his league but for some reason still there so he has to pinch himself frequently 2 he's come on too strong before and doesn't want to scare you off 3 he thinks that you sent him some sort of message that you weren't looking to get serious yet, so he's a bit timmid about asking you out 4 he doesn't have dating skills yet 5 he's actually dating 2 models so the rest of us guys should hate him :-) Here's an idea.. you ask HIM out. If you're interested then let him know. If his actions don't change then he has other issues and you two may not see the world the same.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

Girlfriend Question Posted: 11/13/2009 12:18:53 PM
In my experience when someone seems to need to constantly question your honesty its because they can't or shouldn't be trusted. The only person who questioned my fidelity was cheating. The person who questioned my honesty was often lying and the person who questioned where something came from was a thief. Your seeing some of these things now, I'll bet you dollars to donuts that many more will surface. Sorry to tell you this, but you need to listen to that nagging voice in the back of your head.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 106 (view)

Has your Adult ADD ruined/sabotaged relationships? Posted: 11/13/2009 7:03:01 AM
Much like honest politicians, military intelligence, and perpetual motion, ADD is a myth. It does not exist. If you are hyperactive to any degree it is because you consume too much salt. Lower your sodium intake. ADD is school kid brattiness amplified by psycho-babble, denial, drug abuse, and/or more. You pay attention to what you want to when you want to. If Jennifer Lopez walked into your home, began doing a strip tease and then-after the strip-promised you a blow job for every newspaper article you could slowly read aloud to her, you would be able to read the whole paper to her...slowly...even though doing so required you to pay attention to the paper. You would have no attention deficit whatever. Thank you so much for your insightful load of crap. And your medical degree was issued by whom?. If Jenifer Lopez did do that I would remain unsatisfied. Thus the diagnosis. You sound like you got your information about brian function from either a bad science fiction writer or a convicted scam artist. We are not all wired the same. I know that's a hard concept for many people to grasp. It doesn't fit into narrow, unimaginative views of the world that many "simple" folks would like to believe. Since your brain doesn't work that way then no ones does. Only you're smarter than them since you know that his only problem is too much salt. Scientologist would say that it's not salt or ADD but space Theons. rant mode off.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 344 (view)

Strong opinions on pot smoking here and abouts; why? Posted: 11/12/2009 4:32:53 PM
Strong opinions.. why? because. Because it's illegal and yet some of the best studies show that anywhere from 20 to 50% of the population uses it. Because the "War on Drugs" is still on Because there is very little actual research going on so anecdotal evidence is all we have to go on. Because many people have know either someone who smoked all the time and could handle life just fine, or have known someone who smoked all the time and did a great Bevis and Butthead imitation. Because society is changing it's mores and it's in the public debate. Because our society is becoming more polar in general Because I said so (sorry, dad came out there)

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

To pursue or not to pursue… Posted: 11/12/2009 4:16:44 PM
Please please please pursue her. That way we can all sit back at watch the sparks fly when she does the same thing to you. Most people have dated this woman (ok, not actually her, but yet they all seem the same after a while) and have learned to stay away. You are lucky for 2 reasons: 1) you obviously haven't dated HER before 2) she showed you that she was HER before you got involved. Mine was engaged to me, then dumped me for my room mate (did me a favor it turned out, got rid of both those louses from my life.. ) divorced him, divorced husband #2 and is now on to husband #3. I went on to have a "Till death do us part" LTR and a great life.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

When do I ask again, or do I? Posted: 11/12/2009 4:08:36 PM
I don't want to pee in your cheerio's but I just listened to a great podcast of This American Life ("Bait and Switch") that was dealing with a very similar subject. Only the woman was Nigerian and an expert at scamming men on dating sites. Dating long distance is so very hard that the odds are stacked against you from the start. You may be the one to beat the odds, but due so only with your eyes wide. We can be anything we want online.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

too fast, too soon! Posted: 11/12/2009 3:38:28 PM
umm, do you stay with her because you are looking forward to the pain and heartache that is coming soon? Depending on the state laws where you live, you may be absorbing her debt when you marry. If she thinks that she is BPD and is taking her meds then there may not be a long term problem, however from what you've posted , you're both traveling on de-nile. She for not seeing her disorder, you for not RUNNING! The problem with dating a co-dependent chick is the cuteness wears-off pretty quickly and your left with frustration and resentment. Good Luck dude, you need it.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 94 (view)

One for the widows/widowers Posted: 11/12/2009 3:17:25 PM
There is nothing wrong with setting limits on what you can handle. If you want to give back, but don't want to wallow or relive your grief over and over then perhaps agreeing to facilitate one or two classes or sessions. Also be sure to let the instructor know that you are unsure that you can handle even that much so there are no hard feelings should it be too much. Holidays have been the hardest for me as well. We used to be close to my wife's aunts and uncles, but they have drifted apart from us. However her sister and our nephew are traveling 1500 miles to be with us for Thanksgiving this year, and I'm actually looking forward to it for the first time in almost 5 years. Both my girls and myself have had to learn to re-frame the holidays into a different experience than we're used to.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 93 (view)

Has your Adult ADD ruined/sabotaged relationships? Posted: 11/12/2009 3:06:56 PM
wow, I'll have what you're smoking!

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 482 (view)

Sarcasm red flag or not? Posted: 11/12/2009 10:45:39 AM
Sarcasm doesn’t hurt people, asshats hurt people Couldn't agree more. It's the intent behind the sarcastic comment that defines the insult or humor. I like it when someone says in their profile that they don't like or like sarcasm. Saves me a lot of time since I'm not likely to change what I think is funny. Red flags are red flags for me! Sarcasm is a sign of intelligence. Most dumb people can't use or understand sarcasm. Biggest load of arrogant sh*t I've ever heard. Thank you for making the point. Witty sarcasm is tough to do and is funny. Stupid sarcasm is just mean and dumb. Of course just not getting a joke makes everything seem mean or dumb, oh well.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 92 (view)

One for the widows/widowers Posted: 11/12/2009 10:35:13 AM
Read the whole thread, relax, heal, and then let it happen. I also recommend grief support groups. It took me a few years to realize that I needed to work some things out. You may find that the only people you date that you have any sort of connection with (other than physical attraction) are those who have had similar experiences. I'm seeing somone now who is also a widow. I didn't go looking for a widow to date, it just seems to work out that way. Be sure that you are ready to date though. One of my few regrets in life was dating a woman when I was just not ready and leading her to believe that I was. Besides, this site, as well as most others, will let you know the relationship status of anyone you're interested in. Good Luck

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Deleting past relationships, any regrets? Posted: 11/11/2009 5:35:01 PM
never regretted moving on.. besides I live on a yacht so there isn't room to keep all that junk around here. The memories are more important to me anyway.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 58 (view)

Has your Adult ADD ruined/sabotaged relationships? Posted: 11/11/2009 5:26:27 PM
Be sure that you actually have ADHD/ADD and not Asperger's Syndrome. They both have a few similar traits (loss of interest in things you find boring, above average IQ and a tendency to frequently change jobs). I was originally diagnosed with ADHD but the usual treatments had seriously bad side effects and little positive effect. Recently I was re-evaluated and the new and more accurate diagnosis is AS. The bad news is that there is no treatment for AS. The good news is that there are many great coping skills that you can learn to deal in a world full of neurologically typical people. Many people regarded as great minds are also fellow "aspies": Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, and George Washington Carver are believed to have many similar traits. All drugs are toxins. Some are much worse than others (yes I take Advil for pain, Flexeril for back spasms, and caffeine to get the day started) so the knee-jerk reaction towards medication first should be tempered. If you actually have AS then medication isn't a solution, but understanding how your brain works, and how it differs from the other 99.5% of the population is a great first step to a happier and more fulfilling life. And no, it doesn't have to ruin your life and sabotage your relationships. I know from experience that you can have a life long relationship with a partner. What I had to learn was how to manage my behavior, express my feelings, and let my partner know that even though I may not express myself in a typical way, my feelings and loyalty were always there. The first few years were really tough, and it took a lot of work on my part to keep it together. But the good news is that we got through those rough times and built a good life. Relationships may be harder for you, but think of the extra work you have to put in as payback for your exceptional mind. Good Luck!

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 208 (view)

Man over 40…still attractive to younger women or not ? Posted: 11/10/2009 8:48:08 PM
I barely find women in their 30s worth talking to. A woman that is old enough to know who she is, what she wants and has found a way to get there.. now that's hot! Don't get me wrong, I am just as programed genetically to find younger women attractive as almost everyone. If I'm at the beach then it's generally the younger women that make me so glad to live here. It's just that I don't want to date them. Knowing that they are keeping our beaches attractive is enough. I dated a much younger woman once. She was attractive and all, but there was no mutual foundation on which to build anything. She wanted a father figure and I was looking for an equal. Needless to say, it didn't work.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 189 (view)

Can you party hard like a 20yr old when you are over 30? Posted: 11/10/2009 8:40:37 PM
I wise man once said that the sure sign of aging is when it takes all night long to do what you used to do all night long. I couldn't party like my 20s when I was in my 20s. Now I have better things to do than watch my liver turn into swiss cheese.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 171 (view)

At what age do you Just Give Up? Posted: 11/10/2009 8:37:38 PM
If I'm still single (and alive) at age 103 I'll give up... really, I promise, really.. no this time I mean it, really..

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

Flakey & inconsistent behavior. Localized or more common than I realize? Posted: 11/10/2009 8:35:11 PM
There is a BIG difference in the social norms between South Florida and the Upper Midwest! Heck, there is a huge gap between Monroe and Dade counties even. I've found that the mores in the Keys (not including Old Town in Key West) much more oriented similar to what you (and I, being from Chicago) are used to than what I've experienced in Miami Dade or Broward. No, your not crazy, but this place is! But the good news is that you may not find the majority of people compatible, but there are a few like you out there.

CaptainDad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

dates behaving badly... Posted: 4/19/2009 8:09:54 PM
I had a woman once decide to bring her 8yo kid on a first date. The most shameful thing was not telling her right away that there wouldn't be a second date. (sorry, a bit milder than you were hoping for)

CaptainDad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

Guys, what would make you want to pursue a LDR w/ a girl? Posted: 4/19/2009 8:07:43 PM
Been there, done that. Talking on the phone, texting, long introspective emails can all add to a sense of thinking that you know a person. But it's time spent together that will make or break a relationship. In order for a LDR to work (for me) there would have to be a lot of time spent with that person and then some sort of commitment that one of them is willing to move at some point. Since I am living where I've always wanted to (finally) the other person would have to be the one willing to move. It's not fair, but it's the way it is. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder, and familiarity really does breed contempt. If there is to be a real relationship than these issues have to be overcome. And yes, I do still think I'm a romantic, just a realist as well.

CaptainDad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

what do you think happened Posted: 4/19/2009 8:02:20 PM
Slow Down! umm, sounds like he liked her, but she is going to drive him away with the need for constant attention. Pass her this virtual drink and tell her to give it a couple of days.

CaptainDad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Is this true men? Posted: 4/19/2009 7:59:43 PM
Most of it is true, but there are a few other things as well: 127) We will ramble on nervously and show absolutely no player skills at all when we are really blown away by the woman. 156) We will do REALLY stupid things in order to be thought of as funny. 398) We will sometimes tell the same story twice in one week (see 127) No matter how old we get, the above never changes.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Don't Trust the Notion of Sexual/Romantic Love-? Posted: 3/4/2009 3:45:13 PM
Sex too early in a relationship ruins it. Not to mention that sex with someone you have built a relationship with is much more meaningful than a stranger. Maybe I am old fashioned but that would seem like having dessert before the meal, just empty calories. I have found this not true for me. Sex and Relationships are intertwined but do not define each other. The longest relationship I've had so far (death do us part and all that) was a one night stand (what we call a "hook-up" today) that turned into love, friendship, marriage, kids, mortgage, and lasted until she passed away. To answer the OP, I beleive in both. Romantic/Sexual love is what sets the hook, friendship, trust and deep love carry the course. It has been said that you have to get out of bed sometime, but then again, you have to get in as well.

captaindad

Joined: 7/25/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

your g/f cheeting Posted: 3/4/2009 3:38:22 PM
Sounds like the two of you are made for each other. Your here looking for a side relationship, she's using the communal phone trying to keep a few relationships going. Troll!

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