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 Author Thread: Women that back out when they are challenged
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Women that back out when they are challenged
Posted: 8/24/2008 10:36:55 PM

Many are in it to just get what they want without putting in their fair share. Like I said earlier (and im gonna be very stereotypical here)....you women are quick to challenge that guy..and if you scare him enough...then you can see he wasnt real enough to stand up to the challenge...so why cant a guy like me do the same to a woman to see what shes all about.


I don't think you have to articulate things for another person to read between the lines. Your attitude of lumping all women in together and coming into a meeting or a date with stereotypical notions will seep through whatever you are trying to say. Also maybe you are mis-interpreting a woman's "list of demands" as her preferences. Every single person on here has preferences and most if not all are negotiable for the right person. If someone comes at me with the attitude of "but what are you going to do for me?" I'd shut down.

In re: to everything you said after "i'm gonna be very stereotypical here" is so generalized and inane that I don't think it bears further thought or comment.

Much luck
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Being there for your partner
Posted: 8/24/2008 10:05:26 PM
Problems NEVER improve upon marriage. The problems you had that were not addressed before you say "I Do" will be there and be maginfied after the honeymoon, if anyone says different then they are a straight up liar.
The birthday and the move are serious red flags and you certainly already see that for yourself or you wouldn't be posting here. It's time he hears the words all men dread the most, "We need to talk".

Much luck to you,
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Intentional breakup
Posted: 8/22/2008 3:37:31 PM
No I haven't thanks for playing. But if she's thinking "wow I hate this guy" then her actions will follow her thoughts and therefore she would not need to formulate a grand master plan of alienation and all around "****itude", that'd flow from her already entrenched hatred. And yes, you'll be hard pressed to find a women on here who'd cop to being being that dishonest and conniving...then again who knows...maybe not.

Much luck,
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Why is being funny so important to women?
Posted: 8/22/2008 3:23:41 PM

>> OP, I don't think anyone is necessarily wanting something like humour over something like "integrity".

Oh, they are....absolutely...that's the point of this thread...WHY do so many women have that as the #1?

When I'm funny all other things go out the window...they never ask me questions the reveal my character or personality.

If you are making them laugh then why would she need to ask you questions that reveal your character or personality...all in due time. If you are upbeat and funny then your personality is screaming: positive, confident, smart, insightful. What other questions does she need to ask to ascertain what your sense of humor is already spelling out for her? If after the first few dates you feel that her only interest in you is that you're her own personal comedian then perhaps I'd see the basis of your problem.


But that's not the question....why is it THE MOST IMPORTANT?

Sense of humor is number one with most women (me included) because it's the one thing that gives multiple insights into someone's personality right off the bat, everything else I'll find out soon enough. If we can't laugh together then what's the point to begin with?!? It's also much more easily ascertained and measured than one's integrity as a person.

~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Problem With A Girl
Posted: 8/20/2008 10:31:06 PM
You asked a question about hanging on and hoping the situation improves...this is the lament of many an emotionally abused person. Sometimes you have to think that we meet the right people but at the wrong time.

You are young and this is a lesson that usually has to be learned by making mistakes but try to listen and take this to heart: There is Not A Damn Thing You Can Do To Change Another Person's Behavior. You can't do it, you just can't you can only change how you behave, how you react, that's it. Period. Full Stop. You can't will her into being an emotional stable individual you can only work on yourself like a PP said. Step back and try to figure out what it is about you that allowed you to let yourself be treated like this, if you can't figure that out then you are destined for more months of this insanity and to top it off you'll be attracted to other emotionally unstable women because that's where you're comfortable....a terrible thought, no?

Re: your mutual friends. These types of things tend to work themselves out. You're overthinking this. Again, you cannot control how other people behave or choose to conduct their lives and that goes for your friends. If they are truly like family then they'll stay true to their word and not become involved in your drama with her and will maintain their friendship with you that predated her.

It is your responsibility to defuse the situation and cut out the drama, refuse to feed the beast here, don't give into her games. This is SO MUCH EASIER said than done I can assure you, but if you care about your emotional stability, heck if you truly care about HER emotional stability you'll disconnect and move on. Life is long and quite funny, maybe you'll meet her again on more stable footing or maybe you'll get yourself emotionally healthy and available for meeting someone truly special and stable.

Again, much luck!
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Problem With A Girl
Posted: 8/20/2008 9:47:59 PM
This sounds almost emotionally abusive (granted I only have your side). I think sometimes we get so emotionally invested in someone else and we think..."I can't let go we've been through so much together, I know everything about her..things her family doesn't know." But that's probably when you should let go.

Your self-confidence sounds like it's in the toilet here, that's not meant as a dis, but most people man or woman wouldn't stand for this constant back and forth from the person that purports to love and care for them. She is using you as a backup. As soon as you dump her I can promise you this, she'll come crawling back and by your tone, you'll probably take her back, but that of course would be a mistake. Everyone wants what they cannot have. You are a case in point. It seems as though her seeming indecisiviness has attracted you to her even more and that's dysfunctional.

I can tell by the tone of your post and your replies that deep down you know the answer to your own questions and I'm sure your friends have told you all of this too. You're going to have to come to this understanding all on your own, I just hope it's sooner rather than later for the sake of your sanity and for the sake of any other woman you may date in the future, because the longer you hang on to this dysfunction the more messed up you'll be for the next girl who could have nothing but the best of intentions toward you.

Good luck,
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Just wondering
Posted: 8/20/2008 8:56:32 AM
RIP Bill Hicks a genius and a legend and a man waaaaay ahead of his time.
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Is there any women on here that actually wants to talk back!
Posted: 8/20/2008 8:53:44 AM
Jon and anyone else -

Keep the part about staying healthy and fit, this is a nice way of saying “no fatties” which many guys have a trouble imparting fearing they’ll come across looking like and ass.


Just got an email from a reader saying that I told you that I said you SHOULDN'T put in the fact that you liked to work out because people might think you didn't want larger women to email you. I hope you read my above comment as a compliment. I was saying that they way you worded it was GOOD. I've received a few emails from people whose profiles I've reviewed asking how to say they don't want to date women of size without coming across like a jerk, it's just their preference. I was saying the way you put it was good and I was complimenting you on that. I didn't intend to offend women (like myself who could be deemed overweight) or the men who are attracted to them.

Hope that clears everything up!
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
help with profile please
Posted: 8/20/2008 5:59:11 AM
Would respond to your request for help, but your profile is set to only accept messages from Canadians. Email me and I'll respond with my comments!
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Just wondering
Posted: 8/20/2008 5:43:46 AM
Hello fellow Austinite,

Let’s see if I can be of any help. First off, put up more pics, especially ones with you smiling and a full length shot.

I don’t think the problem is that you are too honest. Just add a bit more. I like it when I guy is funny, however, you just state that you’re funny. Try to inject humor into your profile, throw in a funny story or observation, something like that. I think you used the word, “sass”, which cracked me up anyway, so yeah toss in some “sass”.

You’ve got the bones of a good profile here, just try to flesh it out a little bit more.

Perhaps another reviewer will come along and put in their 2 cents as well.

Much luck to you!
~ lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Is there any women on here that actually wants to talk back!
Posted: 8/20/2008 5:33:06 AM
Jon,

Honestly, I think you are coming on a wee bit strong. Pics are good, I’d take the second to the last pic, crop it better and make it your profile pic, it’s a good smiley headshot, and drop the second pic altogether.

You’ve got lots of general, flowery lovey-dovey talk in your profile, lots and lots of fluff but no substance, you give very little real indication into who you are. What are your hobbies, things you are passionate about? Favorite movies, bands, books, etc?

“Friends and family are very important to me” they are to everybody, why in particular to you? Is there something you all do together. Keep some of the flowery talk if that’s indeed your personality, but definitely put some actual facts about you in your profile.

Keep the part about staying healthy and fit, this is a nice way of saying “no fatties” which many guys have a trouble imparting fearing they’ll come across looking like and ass.

Last big paragraph: drop sex stuff. Also the stuff about baggage reads like this, “Baggage is fine, you can have baggage, because I have LOADS of it.” I kind of get what you’re trying to say here, but maybe rework it or drop it.

Drop any and all requests to ask you more questions. If you want to encourage emails say something to the effect of, “Feel free to contact me! I happily respond to all emails.” something like that.

First Date: WAAAAAY too ambitious for a simple first meeting. Keep it simple and non-threatening here.

Again, interject the REAL you in your profile while culling some of the more pie in the sky talk. Don’t let read/delete get you down too much. It’s the nature of the beast. Also, the IM here sucks. I took it off my profile as an option b/c it messes with my comp, but more importantly b/c 9 out of the 10 requests ended up being guys wanting to get their jollies. If you are serious stick to email.

Much luck to you!
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Please review my profile (M, 45, Creative and Introspective)
Posted: 8/20/2008 5:15:58 AM
Ursula as usual is spot on!
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Do any women actually want their guy to date others?
Posted: 8/19/2008 9:29:37 PM
She wants to see other people period....but have you there as a back up. If you're ok with that then so be it. I'm not saying she's a terrible person for wanting to continue to date, but it sounds like that you may be more serious about her at this point than she is about you. In her defense you admit that there's only been three dates. That's not a lot, some people know they want to be exclusive in that short amount of time and others want to be more sure. If you don't want to see other women then don't, but I wouldn't tell her, just after three dates, that she is not to date other men or give an ultimatum. If you like her then continue to go out with her and maybe she'll come to realize quite quickly that she isn't interested in continuing to date others. Or maybe by date 4 it'll be you whose over her....

Much luck with whatever you decide,
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
anyone else new here
Posted: 8/19/2008 9:02:13 PM
MizQ as usual has it right. We got nothing here to review really. Also asking people to email and ask you questions is the kiss of death. You might as well say. "Please don't contact me ever." You'll get the exact same amount of responses.
Read the tips, get specific about your likes, wants, hobbies, job, what you're looking for, what you're looking for in a potential date and then come back and repost to this thread so we can give you a better review!
Much luck,
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Please review my profile (M, 45, Creative and Introspective)
Posted: 8/19/2008 8:18:12 PM
Haha, we've BOTH been denied! I can't email you because I'm out of your area!whoops! try emailing me again if you'd like!

 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Tips from the women on my profile..
Posted: 8/19/2008 8:15:55 PM
ikanscuba,

Not near enough. The last two sentences are good, the first two are just overused generalizations, unfortunately. Give us a little something that's unique to you. What do you like to do for fun? You're ambitious...great, in what way? Favorite music (actual bands, movies, books, etc.) Do you have a passion for something? Your job? cooking? I can tell you have a sense of humor, but only form your post here, not your profile, let it come through there. Don't be afraid to be amusing and less serious. It's good you're looking for LTR and that "best friend" but inject some casualness into your search, you'll cast a wider net that way. What I mean is, if I'm reading your profile, my first thought may be..wow he may want to get too serious too soon for me. But that's just me, another reviewer may have a different take. Also, get a little more specific about your potential date, what's she like, what's she into, is she shy, funny, ambitious, educated?

Also, drop your "Prefer Not to Say" in answer to the Want Kids question. That option is truly terrible. They have "Undecided/Open" as an option as well as "No" go with one of those instead. Prefer Not Say always makes people think the answer is opposite of what they'd wish it to be. For example, if you Prefer Not to Say if you smoke...you do. If you Prefer Not to Say regarding your job...you don't have one. Not saying that's the case, but be prepared that that's what eveyrone's going to think.

On the first date coffee or a drink is the only general old stand by profile type-phrase that I approve of personally. It's realistic and direct, not overly ambitious. Jazz it up a bit by suggesting a local place you might like to go.

As far as pictures, your other pics show us your body, you can add a full body shot in and be cool...you're right avoid the incredibly inane shirtless main profile pic. If you have a full frontal face shot where you're smiling that'd be great, if not, the one you have up now is fine.

Much luck to you!
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Please review my profile (M, 45, Creative and Introspective)
Posted: 8/19/2008 8:00:08 PM
We,
I for one really liked your profile and would love to go out on a date with you, not that you asked me...just sayin'!

Only advice I have is to drop the sentence beginning with the "*" under "Big Guy" and Grover is blue not purple (trust me I have a paste eater).

As far as the other questions on this post...save them and rotate them in and out of your profile as you see fit.

Much luck to you!
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Review my profile?
Posted: 8/18/2008 5:39:33 AM
Oh much better! Just great. Your personality is really showing through now. I think you're set, hopefully someone else will have the time to take a look and give you a perspective different than mine.
Much luck from here on out,
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Review please! (gently... lol)
Posted: 8/17/2008 11:31:53 PM
no one should give advice with the supposition that all of it will be taken. Hopefully others will also have a chance to look over your profile as well and see things that I missed or give you a different perspective than mine.
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Repeatedly breaking dates.....
Posted: 8/17/2008 11:20:24 PM
ShinyToyGuns: I think that's exactly what she WASN'T saying.

OP: Hmmm tough call. Can you just communicate how you feel about the previous canceled dates before resuming the dating portion of your relationship? Try to find a way to phrase it like you did here, that you understand having to cancel for unforseen circumstances or emergencies, but for less emergent issues, it sends the message that your time is not valuable or desired. As you know single parents CAN successfully date and be great parents. With older teenagers it shouldn't be as difficult as this guy is making it, which is kind of a red flag.

Also I found it off putting that he was like, "Ok, well the kids are back in school so it's convenient for me to see you again!" Well, as long as it's convenient for him, I guess. I'm not a gameplayer though, if you think this guy is worth it then give it another shot, if he does it again, especially after you've managed to get across to him how you feel about broken dates for non-emergent situations then you have your answer.

Whatever you decide..much luck to you,
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Review my profile?
Posted: 8/17/2008 10:54:06 PM
Jason,

Good profile pic and mix of pics. Maybe explain "go" in your profile I was unfamiliar and there were a quite a few pics that referenced it.

You seem like a funny guy so put those skills to work and get a new headline. People do read them.

Your profile was actually quite good, but I ALMOST stopped reading after the yawner of an opening paragraph, I would've stopped reading if I was just browsing and not performing a review. I'm glad I didn't stop because I thought the rest of your profile was great, specific and informative!

So if people tell you that your funny then show me that you are, hit me with the wet socks story if you can tell it fairly quickly and keep it moving. Start that first paragraph with the sentence "I'm the guy at work whose known for...(then give a funny story)" and ditch all preceeding sentences that tell us really nothing about you besides generalities.

Only other thing missing is your potential date. What are you looking for, what's she like?

Ditch the last line of the about me section about asking questions...goes without saying. Also with the ratio of men to women on here, you're going to be doing most of the initiation of contact. It sucks I know, but that's just how it is! But if you just polish this up a little bit, you should get some cool responses! For most girls..if you can make us laugh, well you've just won half the battle right there!

Much luck to you!
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Review please! (gently... lol)
Posted: 8/17/2008 10:42:46 PM
sparkle,

Usually when you’re doing a profile review 9 times out of 10 the profile is waaay to short, this is the first one I’ve done in awhile where we need to cull! So, let’s dig in!

Funny opening, I like it.

General: Grammar and punctuation, gotta clean it up. Use capitalization, periods, commas. Check for misspellings, typos, run ons and fragments. Your profile is challenging to read just because of the slapdash punctuation. I’m enjoying the read but wearing myself out on having to reread sentences for clarification.

Pics: keep # 1 and #2 ditch the rest and substitute with a couple of full body shots and pics of you in a different location.

First para: What are studying in school, add that in while taking out a lot of the stuff about how great, sweet, caring, honest you are. This called laundry listing and gives a woman no real insight into you. Most men would and do describe themselves in the exact same way, stand out. It comes off as a little saintly, hell I almost called the Pope and submitted your name for canonization when I was done reading it. Esp. ditch the part about your charitable giving practices. Like the part about cooking get specific..any recipes you’re looking to try out?

Second para: ditch trolling Pof, if you are a smoker and have no plans to quit no point in telling her that you’ll just not smoke around her, that’d be hard to maintain and plus you and all your things would still be smokey, if you’re a smoker and aren’t quitting then let it go and be yourself.

Third para: ditch it, if she does have big career goals (which you just admit that most people on her have, even though I’m not sure I agree) that might be what makes HER happy and therefore you just alienated her. Sounds like you are trying to justify the fact that you may not have big career goals, no need to justify that, just makes you sound less confident to go on about it, low or lowered confidence = kiss of death.

Fourth para: keep the stuff about being happy, ditch anything having to do with marriage and future children

What you want: you just laundry listed every girl on here, or at least how 99% of women see themselves or would like to see themselves. Get more specific, is she funny, shy, sarcastic, determined, would she kick puppies? Ditch the stuff about 300lbs girls, it’s ok to say that you prefer average or fit women, no need to spend a paragraph inadvertently offending her 300lb BFF or mom.

Ditch the last paragraph entirely. If you don’t plan on messaging girls then you are going to have a VERY tough time on here. If she’s getting 10+ emails a day then she’s probably not going to come across your profile while she’s checking the ones of the guys who ACTUALLY emailed her. If you initiate an emai, she may not email you back, but at least the girl you wanted to see your profile more than likely did. You know that guys outnumber girls on here by a lot, so if you don’t plan on emailing the ones you’re interested in then it’s going to be tough going. Yeah, I know it sucks, but that’s the way it is…anyway junk this paragraph.

First Date: lose the ummm.

Wow, that’s my longest profile review every whew! Again, you need maybe HALF of what you have. Cull, cull, cull. Definitely clean up the punctuation and grammar.

Much luck to you!
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Please view my profile
Posted: 8/17/2008 10:16:49 PM
Lionel,
You have a great mix of pics, I’d probably choose the last one as the profile pic, because it’s a good solid face shot and you have a great smile, show it off.
Get a bit more specific in your likes… you like to go on drives….what’s your favorite destination for a day trip, have her thinking about doing the same thing, maybe with you! You like cars, she might too, what’s your dream car? You like music, great what music, specific band? Recent concerts attended or upcoming ones you are looking forward to?

Ditch the I’m not a smoker but don’t mind other’s smoking as long as it’s not around me sentence, it’s a bit negative and superfluous not needed..

Also ditch the part about not being able to tell where you work, and having to be understanding about shift work. It presupposes any potential dates might not be understanding about a guy who works shift work, lots of people work shifts, there’s no need to start off any communication with someone demanding that they MUST be understanding about your circumstances. It just sets a negative tone, even though I’m a 100% sure that’s not your intent.

Also, what about your potential date? What is she like? Be a bit specific, don’t go negative here, stay positive. Is she funny, sarcastic, smart, ambitious, determined, shy, etc?

You’ve got the bones of a great profile, flesh it out a bit and you’ll be golden.
Much luck to you,
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
I was just curious what's wrong with my profile.
Posted: 8/17/2008 10:01:11 PM
I'm with Ursula, it's not the same guy from yesterday! Love it, you SHOULD be proud of it! Now this is a guy who looks like he could show a girl a fun time!
Much luck dude,
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
my kinda b.f and the airforce
Posted: 8/17/2008 9:41:28 PM
Being a military wife is hard, I did it for 9 years, it is not for the faint of heart, but that's getting WAAY ahead of where you are now. As usual Mr. Happy Pants has great advice...do that.
Good luck!
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Profile review please
Posted: 8/17/2008 3:14:22 PM
Ranger,
Not really crazy about the profile picture because we can't see your face and the one where we can see your face has som unfortunate shadowing. Maybe bust out some more pics if you can!

Clean up the grammar, typos, misspells in your profile. It's easy to lapse into "text grammar" on here, but go back to correct English when not on the mobile.

No need to go into a paragraph long discussion on why you don't want to date a woman with kids. No one needs an explanation, if a potential date does have children she'll stop reading after you say you prefer to date women without them, if she doesn't have children she won't be offended that you only want to date women without them so no explanation needed.

Other than that it looks good, I got a good idea of what you want and what you are looking for!

Much luck,
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
OK....Lemme Have It
Posted: 8/17/2008 3:07:54 PM
Char,
You’re right, you shouldn’t try to be something you don’t feel like you are and if you aren’t feeling funny then it’ll come off as false.
You do a lot of laundry listing in your profile, lots of broad, general terms that you apply to yourself. Can you get more specific? Many of the terms you use to describe yourself or your potential date describe 85-90% of the population or at least describe how people would like to be seen. What do YOU like to do for fun? What in particular are you passionate about. Favorite bands, tv shows, movies, books? The more specific the more relatable, even if a person reading your profile isn’t into the exact same thing, at least he has a better idea of you personally. Talk about your love of animals, what kinds, do you have any? See what I mean? Ditch the listings and let us see YOU, you’re perfectly lovely and have a good mix of pics!
The only other thing is ditch the stuff about the medical condition. It’s no one’s business save yours and certainly nothing anyone would need to know before meeting you for coffee. You sound defensive about it, “if it’s a problem for you then you’re night right for me”. He’s thinking “who said it was a problem??“ Keep it light.
Much luck to you!!
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Could someone please critique my profile?
Posted: 8/17/2008 2:58:39 PM
Christiangirl,
Hi, happy to help, though I don't know exactly how much help I can be. Any views on religion that are not in the middle, be they devout/fundamentalist or atheistic are going to have a hard time getting noticed. I AM NOT saying you should change a single thing! But, your religious values seem extremely important to you and you might be better served by joining a site (even if there's a bit of a cost) that caters specifically to christian singles. That being said, I don't think you mentioned what you were studying or what you were hoping to do after you finished school, that'd be interesting.
Also, what are some things locally you like to do? That may give a potential emailer a jumping off point...a common interest!
Can you add to some of your activities, you mention chuch and geek games alot, anything else?
Much luck to you in your search!
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
It's time for a review from the board... :-)
Posted: 8/17/2008 8:27:20 AM
Haha! oh long distance relationships NEVER work!
Have fun,
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Do you understand this at all?
Posted: 8/17/2008 8:25:03 AM
What a complete loser ass. What goes around comes around. Big kudos to you for being honest. I remember from profile review that you wanted to be up front about your situation, but you have the absolute right to protect yourself from these types of situations too. You got lots of good advice here!
Good luck,
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Profile review please
Posted: 8/17/2008 1:20:59 AM
Ursala is spot on...usually is, love her advice.
To add: Smokers can have a tough go of it. If you're a smoker you're a smoker...so be it..know that it will cut way down on your responses.
You say you aren't addicted to video games, but they are a running theme throughout your profile, just pointing that out. Add some more interests. Talk about some of your favorite things to do locally that a girl might be able to relate to. It gives a good jumping off point for the both of you.
Also, run the whole thing through spell check and then look over it yourself for run ons and incomplete sentences.
Good luck,
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Any Thoughts?
Posted: 8/17/2008 1:16:13 AM
You are already in an LTR so it sounds fine if all you are looking for is Friends. The majority of people on here are looking for friends but at least with the possibility of something more. If Friends is what you are truly after then start posting to the Forums and put "for forums and friends only" on your profile. I doubt you'll have any luck at all getting unsolicited responses to your profile from women who'll be wary of a man on here who is already in a LTR and is not a frequent forum dweller.
Much luck,
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
IM, Do Women Hate It
Posted: 8/17/2008 12:47:31 AM
I turned mine off a few days ago, I didn't even know it was an option...thank god because the random "hi" IMs were just about to run me off... 90% of them were guys looking to for "action". It also messes with my computer. I really like IM and think it's a great way to get to know someone initially. I use another IM service if it seems like me and the guy might hit it off. If someone really wants to get to know me they'll send an email, may take an extra 2 whole minutes, but there you go.
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
A little help...?
Posted: 8/16/2008 11:24:02 PM
Ruby,
First off I think you are perfectly lovely and seem as sweet as can be. The PP had a great notion.
As for the paragraph about yourself tell the reader what you like to read, what are your favorite games. You're a student..what are you studying, why are you passionate about it? What's your ambition? When will you graduate? Drop the "divorced" it says so already under your pics. What do you like to do when you have free time, as a single working mom and student I don't have a lot either, but I do have some things I particuarly love. Go a little more in depth. Also, guys who date single mom's like to know that there'll be some time available for them, so it's always good to put things in there that you enjoy doing just for you that you'd love to have company for...movies, concerts, trips to the beach.

For the paragraph on what you are looking for. Think about how you'd like things to go on a really great date..what's he doing that's making it great? Is he funny, courteous, intelligent?

Drop the blurry pic, it does nothing for you.

As for the whopper at the end...My best friend has genital herpes and it's always such a touchy subject for her. She meets guys then gets bummed when she has to tell them. However, while I think she'd agree that telling someone in the early days of a relationship about her condition is the way to go, she'd disagree that you'd have to do it here on your profile. Only a person whom you'd think you migh tactually sleep with has ANY right to that informatin and you wouldn't know that at least until after the first date. Save it until then, before that it's no one's business by your own.
Much luck to you!
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Please review - all comments welcome
Posted: 8/16/2008 11:11:00 PM
Bartek,
Looks good, I'm surprised you aren't getting the response you want. I do know that women outnumber men here by a wide margin so unfortunately you'll probably do a lot of initial contacting. With that in mind, add something in your profile about the kind of woman you are looking for. When you invision yourself out on a great date, what are you doing, or what is she doing that's making it a success.
Good luck,
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Please check out my profile - need help !!!!!!!
Posted: 8/16/2008 11:03:46 PM
JMHO = Just my honest opinion...sorry I speak forumese sometimes!
Good luck, but you probably won't need it!
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Looking for Advice
Posted: 8/16/2008 10:57:28 PM
Hi Delecroix,
Personal pronouns are hard to avoid when writing in the first person. Most people realize this. "There's lots of "I"s in my profile because I haven't met "You" yet!" yada yada. I think it just looks worse to you than it is...
That being said, I'd drop the three sentence or so paragraph on future procreation, too much info on something quite personal. You answered "Yes" under "Do you want children?" That's plenty. Also, your friend Leah looks like a sweet, attractive and nice girl. However, when most potential dates see other women in pics they're wondering, "Who's she?" If she's a friend then just add "my friend" before "Leah" in the caption, problem solved.
Much luck on your search!
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 107 (view)
 
It's the cell phone or me !!!
Posted: 8/16/2008 10:31:54 PM
I set all calls to silent except for the number of the person watching my kiddo and that one I set to vibrate. I always make sure to let my date know that that's the only call I'll answer. So far I've never been interrupted by my phone on a date. One guy put his Blackberry on the table in between us and kept constantly looking down at the screen. He never picked it up, but he just seemed so preoccupied with it. It buzzed, scaring the shit out of me, he snatched it up and proceeded to have a 3 minute convo with his teenage son about a Rangers game. Seriously? Ugh. Check!
I think it's sad that this is such a problem. It's the height of rudeness. A PP mentioned call waiting and I have to say I feel much the same way about this. I NEVER EVER click over for call waiting. It's basically telling the other person, "Yeah, talking to you is fine, but this person beeping in may have more interesting things to say...so hang on!" Of course, there are exceptions to everything, but VERY FEW and so RARE that the barely bear meanttioning.
If you have a job that requires your constant contactableness (is that a word? is now) by phone than a quick explanation at the start of a date is all that is needed, just give me the heads up so I don't feel like a complete ass sitting there while you answer calls.
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Bizarre behavior
Posted: 8/16/2008 2:45:20 PM

Goodness, why be rude?

Well, gracious I wasn't!

And tell him the truth. Yes, we are all like that, men as well.

Speak for yourself..I've never stopped talking to someone without explanation, now that's rude. I've only blocked after making it clear that a person was making me uncomfortable, so they had every indication of why they were blocked, they didn't have to guess at it

~lucky

At any rate OP, inexplicable online behavior seems to be quite prevalent, you do develop a fairly thick skin afterwhile.
Much luck to you.
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Bizarre behavior
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:19:18 PM
This is probably going to get deleted because it's a very common post (not saying you should automatically know that, just sayin').
It is of course a silly question...of course not all women are like that. Maybe you said something highly offensive without realizing it. Maybe she met someone and decided to stop all extracurricular convos full stop. Of course it's rude to just stop responding without explanation, many rude people in both sexes, it happens to women here too.
Better luck next go 'round!
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 71 (view)
 
Your date knew YOU weren't the one when...
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:10:19 PM
He knew I wasn't the one when:
- I didn't say more than three words during the course of an hour "meet for drinks". I love to talk, but he never took a breath. Driving home I thought, "He must think I'm a simpleton!" I'd have loved to comment on his stories or ask questions of my own or heck have interest shown in me, but was never given a shot. Needless, to say he never called again.
- He asked me to dinner I said yes. When I met him at the restaurant a lovely girl in her early 20s was sitting at the table. It was his daughter. Awkward. He called the next day to tell me that I got the thumbs up from his daughter. I explained that it is awkward enough as it is meeting new people and that I felt especially awkward during the meal. He got pissed, telling me that it's a good thing he found out now how I am, that his children always come first and when she said she wanted to come along to dinner (why?!?!) of course she was invited, what was he going to do, tell her no? He said that it's obvious we wouldn't suit, because he could never be with a woman who didn't understand a man that put his kids first..WTF? To top it all off he said he was 44, he looked older in person, but I chalked it up to just poor photography, then dear old daughter let slip during dinner that she and her sister were planning a big 5-0 bash for daddy-o next year. Bullet dodged, I owe the daughter a thank you note for showing up for the date to begin with.
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Serious question
Posted: 8/16/2008 11:37:02 AM
Many women also find themselves scratching their heads at tales of other women or close friends who stay in abusive relationships. I've worked in DV shelters over the years and become much more educated on the reasons behind women enter into and more importantly stay in these types of relationships. It takes a lot of strength to pull yourself out of an abusive relationship, it speaks volumes that these two women you've met not only managed to tear themselves out of their volatile relationships but are dating again. Also, I'm sure that in some areas DV is more prevalent than others, there's probably plenty of soci-geographic studies out there on this. As a PP said, trust is the biggest issue for these women, not just trusting another man again, but also trusting themselves not to enter into a relationship with another potential abuser and for many years after the abusive relationship is over every man is a potential abuser to them. Hopefully, the ladies you are dating have sought professional help and are on their way to good mental health, they've already showed incredibly strength of character by getting and staying out of the relationship.
Good luck to you,
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
'High morals
Posted: 8/16/2008 11:27:38 AM
Maybe i'm just a cynical sarcastic girl, but I too tend to think that when a girl (or guy I guess) uses the phrase, "high morals" it does mean, "no i won't sleep with you right off the bat". Not that there's anythng at all wrong with that philosphy, but I tend to think of "high morals" as a buzz phrase.
I'm not a fan of "down to earth" either another buzz phrase. I'm sure I use buzz phrases in my profile so I'm not picky.
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Need some dating help
Posted: 8/16/2008 9:42:37 AM
Cowboy has some truly excellent advice and there's just not much I can add, except to underline and highlight your attitude and state of mind that he pointed out in his own post. Your underlying depression may really begin to color any potential relationships you may have and most women can tell pretty quickly when a man lacks the confidence he has every reason to possess.
Try concentrating on why you feel the way that you do, maybe even seek professional help. I'm not saying your clincally depressed or nuts, but sometimes just talking things through with a third party can help you see how to go about finding a bit more happiness and acceptance with yourself.
I did peek at your profile and it looks good. I see you've already gone for the profile review and used some of the tips...good start.
Just work on your confidence and keep in mind that you are YOUNG and have plenty of time to meet someone...possibly lots of someones.
Also, in regards to your profile, I like your fourth pic better, the one with the happy smile, I'd go with that one as your main pic, but that's just my opinion.
Much luck to you,
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Do ethics matter in a relationship?
Posted: 8/16/2008 9:32:48 AM
Good question. I've dealt with this myself recently and had never really come up against this problem before (thankfully it wasn't with someone "very special" or "the one". For me it just speaks to their overall character. In my recent experience I noticed that this person also shifted blame alot. Everything unethical he did he explained away by laying the blame for his behavior at the feet of others. It got seriously unattractive very quick. I just assumed it was only a matter of time before I was the recipient of his lowered ethics and cut my losses after just a couple of dates. To me the type of behavior you described is just an advanced form of lying and I can't tolerate that either.
~lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Help needed with profile
Posted: 8/16/2008 2:28:46 AM
Andy,
Yes, it's scant...very very scant. First off, browse this forum and read other profiles that are being worked on and the advice given and steal steal steal anything that you think applies to you to.

Flesh out your own by giving the reader some insight into your life. What do you do? Do you have any goals/dreams/ambitions. Any funny anecdotes or stories? You mention martial arts...what kind? What do you like about it? You go round the pub for what? meeting friends, football matches, bullshitting with your mates? Lots of people find it hard to talk about themselves so talk about her...what are you looking for? What attracts you, what doesn't (don't get too negative here). Fav. movies/music? Type of humor you have, sarcastic, dry, goofy, etc.

More pics! Can't stress that enough. Your a handsome guy I'm sure you have more, different locations, full body shots, etc.

Again, just read some of the other threads on here esp. ones that have lots of responses, that usually means the person has been been dilligently working on their profile getting feedback and using the tips.

Good luck to you!
~Lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
I was just curious what's wrong with my profile.
Posted: 8/16/2008 2:17:31 AM
Hello fellow Texan!

Happy to be of some help. First off ditch ANY AND ALL "Prefer Not to Say" they look bad in your profile. If your pics are true and recent representations of you then why not select "average" in the Body Type slot at least?

Pics: you look quite young, even for 22, good for you, you will love this when you are my age. However one of your pics says "senior pic" that'd be four years ago. Ditch any pics over a year old especially since you look young for your age as it is, doesn't help having four year old pics up there.

Your About Me sections is a little negative and defensive. Who accused you of being a mama's boy? Who said you didn't have a life? Who gave you the third degree about being rich or not? See what I'm saying? You don't have to be rich, but leave out the dissertations on how broke you are too (i.e. affording gas for your car, paying for college, the cost of concert tickets) I get it you aren't rich, but it might leave a girl wondering with all this talk of no money if you could afford to even go dutch with her to a movie. Cut out all talk of money, how much or how little you have is no one's business save your's.

In your first sentence you talk about how you're looking for someone to treat YOU right and respect YOU, but nowhere do you address how you plan on treating any potential dates or what you are looking for.

Your last paragraph is just pure negative, ditch it all together. It seems like you are a sweet and avowedly nerdy dude. Good for you, try not to let past dissapointments cloud your thinking so much so that it pours out of your profile. Try to stay positive and forward thinking!

Good luck!
~Lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
My profle sucks
Posted: 8/16/2008 1:49:06 AM
Hi BigTime!
I opened up your profile and didn't make it past the first sentence when I noticed it was all quotes....talk about boring doom. Scrap it all, and I mean all! What's wrong with what you wrote in this thread? Seriously, I read every word as opposed to your actual profile.

When parceling it into your profile go easy on the "heart of a woman" jazz. But, put the stuff in there about your occupation and your ambition. I know I'm a sucker for a funny guy, also I have goals and ambition so I love to hear that a potential date also sees himself moving up in the world! Stay with the self-deprecation "chubby and balding", it's sweet and endearing. Throw in the southern accent thing. I have one too, but it's not as unique here in Texas.

Talk about what you would like in a prospective date. Mention a few of your favorite local places to hang out or visit to give you and a potential date a common jumping off point.
Read other suggestions in this forum for other profiles and steal stuff that you think will work for you too.

Add more pics!

Here for: Talk/Email. That's a non-starter and will seriously limit any contacts or responses you may get. Switch it to Dating...rest assured women do not see "Dating" and read "Long term commitment by 2nd date"...we read "Dating".

HTH, and much luck to you!
~Lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Please check out my profile - need help !!!!!!!
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:16:19 AM
MizQ always seems to go right to the heart of it. Hang Out is usually a non-starter.
I liked your last picture on your profile better than the one you have as your main one, JMHO.
You do need to flesh it out the About Me section a little. Be more specific about the things you like to do, what it is exactly you are looking for,etc. What are you looking for in a prospective date? You seem funny and affable so keep the humor.
Good luck,
~Lucky
 luckyluckyme_7
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
It's time for a review from the board... :-)
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:10:27 AM
Judging by your listing of past forum posts I think you've been told this before, but more pics. Different locations and a full body shot.
I liked your profile, but I'm a complete sucker for a funny guy and with a Scottish accent no less. Too bad you aren't in the States all you'd have to do was call a girl a "wee lass" to get her to drop her knickers...but I digress.
Have any goals, dreams, ambitions? I always like knowing if a guy is thinking ahead, because I always am. If you're not that's cool, good for you, but if you do have some goals (realistic ones) then make sure to add them in there.
Also, what do you like to do in your area for fun? This may give you and any prospective dates a common jumping off point.
Good luck,
~Lucky
 
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