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Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Best singles ad Posted: 12/26/2005 11:10:02 PM
Hmmmmm..... I liked this singles ad, it's from the Atlanta Journal. SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting.... Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador retriever.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Brilliant car thief is found and arrested. "How" you ask? Read on.... Posted: 12/15/2005 10:32:49 PM
Hmmmmm. This story is best told by viewing the video. This guy stole a car. Car had a disposable camera in it. He took pictures of himself in the car. He then abandoned the car. Geee, I wonder what he left behind in the car...? http://ezthemes.ezthemes.com/video/play.php?clipID=66950&channel=USA+News (warning: you'll have to put up with an advertisement in the beginning of the video)

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Brilliant German has his car break down, calls police for help Posted: 12/13/2005 3:44:56 PM
Hmmmmm.... Check this story out: Misdialing a number is easily done, especially if your vision is blurred and fingers uncoordinated after a serious session of pre-Christmas boozing. But for one German driver the wrong number was very wrong indeed. On his drive home from one round after another of alcoholic merriment, a 31-year-old German man was befallen by a blow-out. Rather than change the tyre himself, he decided to keep his hands clean and leave the dirty work to the breakdown services. The jolly civil servant, who had a blood alcohol level seven times that of the legally allowed limit, had his license taken away eight years ago, and was driving a borrowed car, dialled what he believed to be the number of roadside assistance, and blurted out his tiddled tale. "My car is broken and I need you to come and fix it," he said. "And you'd better be quick because I'm really pretty drunk and I don't have a licence so it wouldn't be good if the cops drove past." It wasn't until he was done with his inebriated rant that he realised he was not talking to a breakdown service at all, but to none other than the police from whom he was so keen to hide. "He wanted us to come quickly, so we did," said a police spokesman in the western town of Monheim.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Man beats cops in high speed chase, arrested when found passed out drunk with cocaine up his butt Posted: 12/8/2005 10:55:18 PM
Hmmmm.... Per your recommendations, I have done a cut and paste with my newest news story. ********************* Man critical after ingesting cocaine following arrest A Lafayette man is in critical condition at St. Elizabeth Medical Center after, police suspect, he either breathed in or swallowed cocaine. It's unknown how much may have been ingested. Lafayette police arrested Williams P. Starks Jr., 25, and Brittney Helton, 20, early Wednesday morning after finding drugs and weapons from an apartment in the 1100 block of State Street. Both had been living in the residence. After taking the two to the Tippecanoe County Jail, staff there found a bag of cocaine hidden inside Starks' rectum, detective Sgt. Jim Taul said. Starks was taken to St. Elizabeth to have it removed, but on the way there he somehow gained access to it, Lt. Chris Downard said. During a struggle with jail staff to remove the cocaine from Starks' mouth, some of the cocaine may have been swallowed, Downard said. The two were arrested after Officer Joe Clyde spotted a white Cadillac sedan driving erratically near Valley Drive about 1 a.m. Wednesday. Clyde tried to stop the vehicle but the driver fled at a high rate of speed, and Clyde chose to not initiate a pursuit, Downard said. Clyde later found the vehicle, with a highly intoxicated person passed out inside, parked on State Street, Downard said. Starks and Helton were arrested on suspicion of dealing cocaine, possession of cocaine, dealing marijuana, possession of marijuana and possession of controlled substances. Starks also was arrested on suspicion of resisting law enforcement. Police recovered nearly a pound of marijuana, about 29 grams of cocaine, about 10 tablets of what police believe is Ecstasy, three handguns and a shotgun during the investigation. Helton is being held at the jail on a $50,000 surety bond. Starks will be taken to jail upon his release from the hospital.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

POF needs to hire a marketing company to improve the sites image Posted: 12/7/2005 9:09:36 PM
Hmmmm... Hey Snorkeler, try viewing the website beyond the first few paragraphs.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Brilliant aspiring model hires hitman to steal 'cocaine', to pay modeling agency fee Posted: 12/7/2005 3:00:17 AM
Hmmmmmm...... Check THIS story out: http://www.todaysthv.com/news/news.aspx?storyid=21696

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Man has stroke, ambulance arrives, man 'borrows' ambulance Posted: 12/7/2005 2:54:37 AM
Hmmmm..... This man must have known ambulance drives are slow and safe, and decided that's not the way HE wants to get to the hospital. http://www.wral.com/news/5474959/detail.html

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

POF needs to hire a marketing company to improve the sites "image" Posted: 12/7/2005 12:59:52 AM
Hmmmmm.... After careful consideration, I have concluded that plentyoffish.com needs a make over. Yes, we need to change the aesthetics of this web site, so as to make it more appealing for our target demographic. Trust me on this, because I once took a marketing class at some community college. After considerable research, I have concluded that THIS company should be hired. I am aware that they are very expensive, however, being a free site I know POF has a huge budget. http://www.huhcorp.com/

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 82 (view)

So, what do you do? Posted: 12/6/2005 8:28:22 PM
Hmmmm.... I agree with Johnglc. I hate being asked what I do for a living before I've had a chance to make an impression. I believe I get stereotyped, even though I don't fit the stereotype very well. However, I acknowledge that I won't hesitate to stereotype a woman who's a stripper, so I'm not claiming it's unfair. I just wish more women would wait a while before asking the question.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 56 (view)

Another 'Nice Guy' bites the dust Posted: 12/6/2005 8:24:20 PM
Hmmmm.... Ok, I have an idea. Everybody feel free to voice your opinion about my brilliant plan. The "nice guy being rejected" problem IS a big issue for lots of guys. Even lots of players were once nice guys, so this issue applies to many many men. I've met women who have the courage to outright admit they are attracted to jerks and players, which doesn't surprise me considering I live in the Los Angeles area. What if I was to type up my own version of advice for nice guys, and every time I run across a new nice guy thread I pasted it into the thread? Each time somebody made some good comments that I agreed with, I'd update my advice. 1. Would I be breaking any rules of this site? 2. Would the moderators or other members get sick of seeing me post the same thing every time? If so, aren't they already sick of seeing the same thread pop up over and over again? My advice would end up being a very long message. 3. Would this help cut down on the number of new nice guy threads that pop up? I doubt it because I don't think the guys search for the threads before starting a new one. 4. Would the women I'm trying to meet end up reading my forum post and hold it against me? This is my #1 concern. I stay out of the political discussions and most current events because of that reason. I believe they would hold it against me. I suspect one of my forum posts in the humor forum caused a woman to stop talking to me (Mr. Hmmm's 'wanted' ad). 5. Would I be breaking the rules if I created another account to post in the forums and be myself, not caring if it turns women off since that account is not used for anything other than the forums? 6. Has this idea been thought of before? Any comments are welcome.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

MyForums not working Posted: 12/6/2005 6:49:35 PM
It was the ! marks that did it, I think. I know of another account here who's name ends with a !, but she does not appear to be active in the forums so I'm not sure if her account is affected by this issue or not. I renamed my account to "Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?" and now it works fine.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

MyForums not working Posted: 12/6/2005 6:08:51 PM
Hmmm.... Strange problem with my account in the forums. I changed my user name yesterday (less than 24 hours ago) and added more ?'s and !'s to the end of it. When I click on MyForums, my old username still shows up such as "Last 25 active threads Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm? has participated in:" I've logged out and back in and it makes no difference. I have not cleared out browser cookies. When I click on my user name above my picture in one of my forum posts, I get an HTTP 404 file not found error. The link is: http://forums.plentyoffish.com/user/Mr.%20Hmmmmmmmmm?!?!?!.aspx Do I just need to wait for some type of reindex to happen, or is this a genuine bug? The biggest difference that I see is that my new user name now contains exclamation marks whereas the old one did not.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

Man pulls truck across parking lot with... his penis Posted: 12/5/2005 9:47:54 PM
Hmmmm... Keptreal: Us California boys would PUSH that truck thru the parking lot, not PULL.. Hence the vacationing Canadian theory / fact. Oh, one other thing: We can be certain that particular Canadian was not from Quebec. My logic is infallible, for I be a genius.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 257 (view)

Add a paragraph to the story Posted: 12/4/2005 3:58:35 PM
.... how to avoid a lawsuit. "Hmmmmm" thought the evil attorneys, as they huddled together to conspire how to break the law without being caught. The decision was made to frame Martha. Paperwork was drawn up and back dated, showing that Martha was hired to perform the animal testing. More paperwork was forged showing that she claimed the testing was successful. Marthas signature was forged by expensive ex-CIA agents who knew how to do their job well but were fired after 9/11 to make more room for paper pushing bureaucrats. The paperwork was ready. Martha was going to take the fall. Donald's brilliant attorneys put the plan in motion, and filed a lawsuit against Martha for being a woman, for being a b*tch, for being rich, for taking the best parking spot, and for failure to perform her duties. Soon Martha would pay for her ignorance.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 38 (view)

What are your suggestions to finally end all wars,since t'is is the season? Posted: 12/4/2005 3:42:44 PM
Hmmm... Arnold Schwarzenegger for president! Jesse Ventura for Vice President! Campaign slogan: "Damn the budget, I'll knock out all of congress."

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

Vibrating underwear results in hospital visit! Posted: 12/4/2005 3:39:59 PM
Hmmm... I was thinking about trying on a pair!

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Mr. Hmmmm's 'wanted' ad Posted: 12/4/2005 3:38:11 PM
Hmmmm... Why my ad WAS successful! I already got a response. She's an interesting woman who likes to cook in a garden, while talking or listening to classical music, but she's not too serious about dealing with her dyslexia and learning to count. O well...

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 255 (view)

Add a paragraph to the story Posted: 12/4/2005 3:30:59 PM
"Hmmmmm..." Donald thought to himself, as he questioned how to bring the cologne to the market. "Martha, the next step to bringing my cologne to the market is to perform some animal studies. I need to ensure it's safe" said Donald. Martha thought of poor bunny rabbits and dogs smelling like money, and realized it was pure cruelty. She quickly assembled a team of 'yes women' to ignore logic and tell her what she wanted to hear. She immediately sicked this group of women onto Donald, who was completely overwhelmed. "Ok, OK! STOP! I will skip the animal testing. Yes, it's cruel!", Donald proclaimed. The next step lay ahead, choosing a slogan. The marketing people had some great suggestions, but being Donald, he chose one from the bottom of the list: "Honey, I gots lots o money." After a short amount of time, the cologne was ready to sell. It became an immediate success. However, after a few weeks, a sudden influx of patients to emergency rooms across North America, Europe, Australia, and Japan all started to occur. A world wide allergic reaction had occurred. In addition to a horrible rash, these people suffered from a terrible side effect. This side effect was ......

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Mr. Hmmmm's 'wanted' ad Posted: 12/3/2005 7:48:56 PM
Hmmmm..... I'm going to place this ad in the local newspaper's "wanted" section. Per-line character limitations require me to hyphenate words. A tall well-built woman with good reputation, who can cook chicken legs, who appreciates a good fuc- schina garden, classical music and tal- king without getting too serious. But please only read lines 1 3 and 5.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

New sent messages that don't show up in Sent Messages list Posted: 12/3/2005 7:26:13 PM
Hmmm.... Well, the message I sent to that woman didn't have any links in it. That's the only one that I suspect should not have been filtered. The affiliate site link I can understand. It would be nice to know that my message was filtered, perhaps I should stop and read the directions first... (duh!) So, you're telling me that SQL server actually scales up and performs? Oh my.... I'm hallucinating. My dreams of oracle conquering the world are out the window. Hey, I know, you're running 16 gigs of ram and your database is only 14 gigs. Ahhh, I see why it's so fast!

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

New sent messages that don't show up in Sent Messages list Posted: 12/3/2005 7:05:43 PM
Hmmm... Hey Admin... Wait a second... .net / c# is actually the best performing, AND microsoft invented it? Whoa, I never thought I'd see the day. As for my blocked emails. I didn't know sending links in email was forbidden, but some of them HAVE made it... The email I sent the other day to that woman didn't have any swearing in it. If it did, it was only "damn". I honestly don't think it was something to be filtered, it was a very mellow and short email. I do suspect it was an error. I have her profile name if you want to look into it.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

New sent messages that don't show up in Sent Messages list Posted: 12/3/2005 6:27:17 PM
Hmmmmm.... Hey Admin, lets just blame it on .net and C#, and nuke the microsoft campus, eh? Why o why didn't you use Java? Wait... Then we wouldn't be able to blame microsoft... Never mind.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

New sent messages that don't show up in Sent Messages list Posted: 12/3/2005 2:52:41 PM
Hmmm.... Admin, I'm not sure if you were talking to me or not, but it was not a duplicate message since I have never contacted her before.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 31 (view)

What are your suggestions to finally end all wars,since t'is is the season? Posted: 12/3/2005 2:32:57 PM
Hmmm... There's a fundamental assumption being made here, which is that war CAN be ended. Perhaps a few of you need to step back and examine human nature. Some of what I read here is pure ignorance because it's nothing more than dreams. How about you folks FIRST put an end to poverty and crime, THEN move on to ending war.... Think about it.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Vibrating underwear results in hospital visit! Posted: 12/3/2005 2:24:54 PM
Hmmmm.... THIS is a great story: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/05/18/vibrating_knickers/

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

New sent messages that don't show up in Sent Messages list Posted: 12/3/2005 3:05:26 AM
Hmmm... This EXACT problem just happened to me within the last 5 minutes. I saw the "message sent" indicator at the top of the screen, and just now I noticed it was not in the sent messages folder. Her profile is active, I've never spoken to her before. There were not @ signs or anything in the message that should have triggered a filter of any type. No profanity, nothing. Any ideas?

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 23 (view)

Is it just me, or is being dumped for no reason after two years out of line???? Posted: 12/3/2005 2:21:45 AM
Hmmmmmmm..... Hold tight Adam, with the mutual friends you two have, the reason will come out eventually. Did you two spend enough time apart that she was able to spend time with somebody else? If everything was going well, I'd bet money she met somebody else. I'm curious, was she really hot? Give us a 1-10 rating.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 80 (view)

Why do guys always do this to me? Does anyone else have this problem?... Posted: 12/3/2005 12:50:34 AM
Hmmmmm.... To the original poster: I'm going to expand on what musicmaster and xchuck had to say. I recommend you ignore jigsaws advice and try to avoid ending up like her: 30, never married, with kid(s). Let's assume you didn't do anything to deserve being dumped, and what you are saying is the accurate truth, and I think it is. Based on that assumption and what else you've typed about this guy, here's my observations: 1. You are young. 2. This guy was a player. 3. You got played. What I recommend is that you try your best to learn from this experience, and not let it affect you. Don't waste your time being angry at all men, or frustrated, or becoming jaded and treating men badly because of this experience. Instead accept some responsibility and acknowledge that you accepted this guy into your life, and he was wrong for you. From this point on, use him as a basis for comparing the guys you meet in the future. Right now, write down all the warning signs that were there and you ignored (the sleeping in car incident, etc). Get your "player radar" up and running, it will serve you well later in life. Read what catlian just said, she had to learn the same lessons. She now acknowledges that she was attracted to undesirable men. My impression of you is that you're an attractive and kind woman. So you probably don't have a problem attracting men. The problem you have is knowing which men to chose. I think you probably went for a smooth talking, energetic, confident guy. Those can be signs of players, but you'll need more indications than that to spot them. Listen to older women who's advice you trust, but note that some older women have never learned their lessons, they should be ignored. Do not trust the advice of a fool. Women (and men) often chose who to date by using the deep primal part of their mind. That's the part that makes the decision who you're attracted to. It's not some logical and rational process. I recommend you learn to allow the rest of your mind to verify that the primal part is correct when it says "I want THAT guy". I've had to make that same adjustment myself since there's lots of attractive but undesirable women out there. Most attractive women get played. It's a fact of life, in my opinion. Next time, chose a different type of guy. Learn from your mistakes, don't repeat them.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 36 (view)

Another 'Nice Guy' bites the dust Posted: 12/2/2005 10:58:52 PM
Hmmmm.... I feel for you my friend, and I do agree with the generalization you've made. All of us guys have dealt with it. Of course there are exceptions, but according to science mother nature has programmed women to chose the tough guys who kill saber tooth tigers, defend the family and the tribe, and are able to hunt successfully. Those types of guys usually happen to be confident jerks. But at the same time us guys prefer certain types of women too, so it goes both ways. I think women who have been burned by the players enough times to change their ways are desirable, they're much less likely to leave you for a player since they've already been with them. Those are the ideal ones. I'm not taking POF very seriously, and I think that helps me keep a positive attitude. I prefer the old fashioned method of meeting them in person. In fact, I think it's much easier than online. I would recommend forgetting about contacting the real hot women here on POF who are listed in 385 favorites lists. Or if you do, be a smart ass and just try to make them laugh, make no other purpose for the message. I have fun doing this with beautiful women in other states and countries, and it's just for entertainment. But for being serious, focus on the average women. They are the ones who are down to earth and real. I've found that many (not all) beautiful women have let it go to their head, especially here in Southern California. At the same time, the good looking guys are the same way ( me being an exception! :-) ), so again, it goes both ways. The nice guy problem has been worked on before, it's as old as history. Treat it like any other problem and do some research, browse the internet. Hope the elbow heals well.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 28 (view)

Weirdest questions Posted: 12/2/2005 9:52:03 PM
Hmmmm... Ok, here's a good one. In reply to my first email message, she had 1 sentence to say: "I'm desperately lonely, can I move in with you?" Not knowing if she was joking, testing me, or a genuine psycho, I replied but ignored her question. After a few more messages I came to understand that she was actually serious. She then gave me the address to her blog, which I read, and found out she had some genuine mental problems. Now, instead of not talking to her anymore, I told her the story of my ex girlfriend who was diagnosed as being bipolar while she was with me, and what a learning experience it was. I explained that what she wrote in her blog is identical to my ex's situation. I told her the medication basically fixed her and had no side effects, and I highly recommend that she also go see a doctor because nothing is worse than ignoring a fixable problem. She never replied. But hey, I did the right thing. I could have just ignored her and moved on but instead I put some effort into it. If only I believed in karma, because I should have earned some.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 28 (view)

Can a person be too D.I.R.E.C.T. ie: honest, blunt Posted: 12/1/2005 11:26:20 PM
Hmmmmm.... That's a good point Cristalise, and now that you mention it..... ..... I also wonder how you'd look as a redhead!

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

Can a person be too D.I.R.E.C.T. ie: honest, blunt Posted: 12/1/2005 8:55:16 PM
Hmmmmmmmm...... You must accept that you are being a salesperson, and the item you are trying to sell is yourself. Would you last long as a real estate agent who said "This particular house is a termite infested piece of crap that should be demolished, only an idiot would buy it"..? Or would it be better to say "there's a reason this home is listed for a lower price than the others. Like all things in life, you get what you pay for. This home might have a lower price, but it will need more work, and time is money. Weigh your options wisely." Meeting people online is certainly not the same as meeting them in person, for a variety of reasons. It is a different set of rules, as I'm learning. I would recommend that you simply don't lie while talking to the men, but at the same time if they ask you "would I look better if I still had my hair", I'd recommend you treat their egos carefully. No matter what they do for a living, you're interested, etc etc. I think that deep down inside, you DO know how to carry yourself, but you chose not to. The reason I say that is because I was the same way. For example, in the past my honesty was used against me by women on multiple occasions. I was dumb enough to ignore my instincts when women wanted me to tell them what they wanted to hear, regardless if it was true. I made the same mistakes at work with my employers. My mouth got me into trouble when all I was doing was honestly answering questions that were asked of me. I learned that people have egos, and some people's egos control them. Today, a few of those egotistical people just get "oh, that's wonderful" from me no matter what the situation is, and they've lerned to not ask my opinion anymore because they've realized I really don't like them as a person. If they ask me "You don't like me very much, do you" I respond "I don't appreciate that type of question".. But a few of them have earned the "I think you're fcking wonderful" response. Some people are asholes, so I now treat them like it instead of being Mr. Nice guy and always treating bad people well. They reap what they sow. I accepted the way the real world is, and that crap stopped. I'm not saying I'm a lying cheating manipulative **stard, I'm not. However, I accept that life and relationships are a "game" with rules and strategy. Who would play a poker game with all their cards showing? People are not pure, so acting pure will make you fail. Instead, hop into the grey area that exists in most areas of life and it will serve you much better. Human nature is quite interesting, I consider myself an amature student of it. We are so full of contradictions and hipocrisy that it's pathetic, in my humble opinion. Consider this. When you ladies say you want honesty from men, then you ask "do I look fat in this dress", and you get exactly what you asked for which is "yeah, that dress doesn't look very good on you", rather than being told the lie that you wanted to hear, it hurts doesn't it? I know you understood that, so now reverse the situation and consider that men can't handle brutal honesty in certain situations druing the get-to-know-you phase. It's simply the same exact thing. Damn, that was a long response I just typed..... You must have touched a nerve (in a good way, that is). Well, at least it felt good to type this.....

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

Not getting many responses Posted: 12/1/2005 6:52:41 PM
Hmmmmmm.... I'm still new here, so take my advice with a grain of salt. I'd take a picture without the sunglasses, and I'd expand your profile to say more about yourself. From what I've heard, when women see self-employed they take it as a warning sign, why, I don't know. So I'd add your job field to that description. Also, search through the forums, there's lots of advice threads, I found some of them very useful. Meeting women on the internet is certainly a different game than in person. I'd suggest keeping your first messages short and sweet, and remembering that emails don't include tone of voice, facial expressions, etc, so they can easily be mis-interpreted. I like to make women laugh, but via email it's much much harder to do in the beginning. They have to get a feel for your personality first, but that in itself is a catch-22 for me. If I can't get them interested, how will they get to know me? Good luck brother!

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

fake profile [Closed Thread] Posted: 12/1/2005 3:53:53 AM
this is an obviously fake profile http://www.plentyoffish.com/member1067881.htm

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Best divorce letter ever Posted: 12/1/2005 3:46:35 AM
Hmmm... Check this out: Dear Connie, I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride has cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'm never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'm tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy." Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you. It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know. Otherwise, can you let me know where the f*cking remote is? Love, Dan

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

Sense of Humour - why don't women have one Posted: 12/1/2005 3:10:14 AM
Hmmmm..... I propose a test! Us guys should require all women we contact to first watch this video. Any woman who doesn't find this video funny can be judged to have no sense of humor! http://www.atomfilms.com/landing/landingIndex.jsp?id=indecent_proposal&mature=accept If the link doesn't work, you might have to create an account first. The video is named Indecent Proposal.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 244 (view)

Add a paragraph to the story Posted: 12/1/2005 1:28:49 AM
"Hmmmmmm..." Donald thinks to himself, while deciding how to deal with Martha. Martha has benefited too much from the double standard, Donald realizes, so he immediately calls her parole officer and says:

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

ATTENTION ATTENTION... Posted: 12/1/2005 12:41:34 AM
Hmmmmmmm..... I'd drop the last paragraph of your "about me" section, and in the "first date" section I'd bring a bottle of wine on the gondola ride! I'd also recommend that you do not give my opinion much value!

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

Cricket sounds after 1st date request… Posted: 12/1/2005 12:35:54 AM
Hmmmmm..... Maybe she's not single and she's here for the fun / attention?? Use one of the women's tricks on her: tell her about a wonderful date you just went on, and see what her response is.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 60 (view)

Who understands guys? I need advice. Posted: 11/30/2005 9:17:04 PM
Hmmmmmm..... Ok, aftereight, here's my take on the situation, based on lots of assumptions. 80% chance he's shy / anxious / inexperienced / shattered ego. 10% chance he's killing time because he's really bored. 10% he has some physical problem that makes sex difficult, or he's on some medication that kills his sex drive or his "ability". Either way, I think you're making a mistake dropping the guy. I also think you're making a mistake refusing to make the first move. Part of the feminist movement is about equality, and today nobody disputes if women have the ability/right to ask a guy out and to make the first move. But they don't do it because it takes courage, and the ability to overcome the fear of rejection. Well, welcome to the men's world; now you know how we feel. So, if you want your equality, then you need to accept all that it entails. Be thankful women still can't get drafted for a war. If you have a desirable guy here, then take the risk, because ultimately you have nothing to lose if you really think about it. If you're going to not see him anymore, it should be because he rejected your advances, not because you grew impatient waiting for him to make a move. I LOVE it when women come on to me, it's the best thing in the world, and I'm sure other guys do too. Too bad it doesn't happen often enough. When they're nervous and shy, but taking the risk anyhow, for some reason it makes it twice as great. Unlike most women who reject guys who appear nervous.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

Why stand some one up for a blind date?? Twice??? Posted: 11/30/2005 7:27:51 PM
Hmmmm....... I think it's quite simple, he was too nervous. Anxiety got the best of him and he convinced himself you are out of his league, because he has a low self esteem and has been rejected by too many women. Or, he's made an fake profile and wanted to get revenge on you for ignoring him when he messaged you with a real profile. Or, he's married and can't get he his conscience to allow him to cheat. Or, I have no idea what I'm talking about. If you're upset by the whole ordeal, fly out here to Los Angeles and I'll take you out on a date.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Permanently publish agreed upon information Posted: 11/30/2005 4:03:56 AM
Hmmmm...... Ok, I have an idea. I'm new, so maybe this has been put forth before. I've seen some threads that have been repeated over and over again, and each time lots of the same good information is made available. Now, what if something besides forums were to exist. I can't think of a name for it, but basically it would begin in the forums, and there would be voting. When the voting indicated an agreement on certain information, that information would then be "approved" to be published in the permanent collection. The permanent collection would be about dating advice, relationship advice, understanding women, understanding men, sex, meeting people online, how to make a good profile, etc. Of course it would take some effort to code this, but I'm sure it would add value to the site. There's lots of people here, and if we look at the success of the online collaborative encyclopedia www.wikipedia.org, I don't see a reason why that same model can not produce good, useful information here.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Ladies, this is for you Posted: 11/30/2005 3:44:04 AM
Hmmmmmm..... I ran across this today... 101 Reasons why fingers are better You don't have to smile at them afterwards You don't have to get out of bed to fetch them They don't get tired before you do... You always know where your fingers have been For variety, you have ten to choose from They are also useful out of bed You can stop if you want to Your fingers don't want to meet your family Your fingers don't get jealous Your fingers don't smell Your fingers won't just fall asleep afterwards Your fingers don't want you to meet their family You don't get jealous of your fingers Your fingers don't mind if you fall asleep afterwards Your fingers won't let you down (Snowwhite) Your fingers don't want to watch a football match instead Your mother won't critisize your fingers You can't get pregnant from your fingers Your fingers don't need batteries People aren't surprised to find you have them Fingers don't need adaptors to covert American plugs to English ones (I've heard this can be a problem.) They don't shrink afterwards (Snowwhite) You always have them with you You can chew on them when you are nervous (Snowwhite) You can use more than 1 at a time They are agile They'll never leave you (Snowwhite) You don't have to make your fingers coffee in the morning (Gideon) You can also use them to clean the wax out of your ears (Gideon) They want to when you want to They don't take up half the bed at night They are easy to clean If the ones you are using get tired, you can switch to some of the others They don't demand acrobatics in bed They don't want to try out stuff they heard from friends You can use them to try out stuff you heard from friends without worrying about it going horribly wrong They don't look worried when you want acrobatics in bed Your fingers don't give you bite-marks (Addition: unless you like bite-marks) You can share them with a friend Fingers don't cheat on you Fingers don't have hidden wifes/girlfriends/husbands/boyfriends/children Your fingers don't yelp when you give them bite marks For variety you can paint them any colour you want? It's not suspicious if you take them to the toilet with you Since they come on 2 hands, you can use them on 2 places at the same time They write your e-mail for you You can use them for netsex when company is required They're compatible with a wide range of leather goods and electrical appliances No one ever fell in love with their fingers They'll change the video channel for you You can use them to write down your fantasy and share it with people They won't ask: Am I the first? You can type with them (although I'd rather like to see a man... whistle) They won't be disgusted when you have your period They don't snore, fart, burp or have smelly breath They don't want you to swallow They don't whistle after other, better-looking women or men They don't care if your hair is a mess You don't have to tell them how you'd like it They don't brag how great they are They don't cost you time, money or patience They don't want to know where you were last eveing Your friends don't criticise them Their friends don't criticise you (fingers don't have friends) Afterwards, they won't ask: 'Did you come?' (Eva T.) They don't leave you to sleep in the wet spot (Eleni) They don't mind if you scream 'oh yes, METHOS!!' They're useful for scooping up nutella, chocolate, lube (take your pick) and smearing it in the appropriate places... (Claire) Fingers don't ask who you are fantasizing about (Cher) They don't have STDs (Mona) Fingers are more sensitive to what you are feeling (LP) Unlike zucchinis, you don't have to bring them to room temperature (tyree) You won't be crushed underneath them in bed (Che & Wes) They come in varing sizes - thumb to pinkie, or any combination thereof, it's up to you (Che & Wes) There're extremely gentlemanly - they'll open doors for you, pull your chair out, and even cook you dinner! (Che & Wes) They won't finish just before you reach orgasm (Eva T.) You don't have to worry wether or not they wont come back after a goodnight (Jessy)

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 75 (view)

So, what do you do? Posted: 11/29/2005 11:29:40 PM
Hmmmmm..... When the question comes up too quickly during a first date, my gold digger alarm does go off. However, sometimes it's a false alarm. I think a smart woman will know better than to ask too quickly, just because a guy might suspect she's a gold digger. This is certainly a big issue for guys. One thing to remember guys, a woman might ask the question just to keep the conversation going and to appear interested in you. She might not necessarily be a gold digger, and there's plenty of gold diggers who are smart enough to not ask the question too quickly. Here's how I handle this delicate and difficult situation. (In a rather mature way, I might add) I'll make a funny look on my face, like I'm trying to hide the fact that I'm about to tell a joke, then say: "I work in hollywood, and you'll never guess exactly what I do" she says 'tell me', or guesses and gets it wrong "Ok. You know how some action scenes require stunt men?" 'yeah' "Well, that's not the only type of scene that requires doubles. For example, there's a type of scene that calls for a shot of a guy's ass. And lots of famous actors have lousy asses. That's where I come in. Now, don't laugh, because this is how lots of actors break into the business. But at the moment, I fill in for actors. They cast my ass." she laughs, and says 'yeah right' (with a serious look on your face) "No, seriously. I have a great ass, and it's in film. Don't believe me? Look for yourself" then stand up and turn around, and say "See, I have a great ass. Right?"

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Man pulls truck across parking lot with... his penis Posted: 11/29/2005 6:46:12 PM
50-year-old grandmaster Tu Jin-Sheng has shown his true mettle by tugging a truck across a Californian car park with his penis. Of course the article doesn't mention that he's Canadian, but I'm sure we all know he is! http://www.smh.com.au/news/unusual-tales/truck-pulled-with-penis/2005/11/29/1133026441298.html

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 102 (view)

Why is it so hard to find Mr.Right? Posted: 11/29/2005 2:49:49 AM
I'll make it easy for you: Mr. Right is right here!

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 493 (view)

Credit card suggestion Posted: 11/29/2005 2:42:56 AM
In regards to the credit card suggestions made above, I'd like to add that prepaid credit cards can be very useful for internet transactions. It's true that it's federal law that you are not liable for more than $50 if your credit card number is stolen, but many people don't realize that it's a real pain to deal with that situation. So, if you're going to do credit card transactions on the internet with any place you suspect is not trustable, then use a pre-paid card. You can fill up some of them online using your regular credit card. Separately, if any of you want to avoid email spam, check out www.spamgourmet.com

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 45 (view)

Is gettin your dog high animal abuse? Posted: 11/29/2005 2:27:12 AM
This is the reason I like the forums. You people are hilarious. Although, I HAVE seen with my own eyes cats that want to get high. When folks were smoking the cats would come right up and put their face right in the faces of the smokers. I couldn't believe it, without a doubt the cats knew they were smoking and wanted to get high. Also saw a dog eat my friend's pot brownies back in high school. Poor dog was a zombie for a few days. My friend was soo mad, but figured the dog was already punished enough.

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Bigger butts are now requiring bigger needles! Posted: 11/29/2005 1:02:57 AM
Oh my, yet another problem caused by America's obesity problem: Bigger Butts Need Longer Needles for Injections # Study finds many patients fail to receive a full drug dosage. Fatter rear ends are causing many drug injections to miss their mark, requiring longer needles to reach buttock muscle, researchers said today. Standard-sized needles failed to reach the buttock muscle in 23 out of 25 women whose rears were examined after what was supposed to be an intramuscular injection of a drug. Two-thirds of the 50 patients in the study did not receive the full dosage of the drug, which instead lodged in the fat tissue of their buttocks, researchers from The Adelaide and Meath Hospital in Dublin said in a presentation to the annual meeting of the Radiological Society of North America. Besides patients receiving less than the correct drug dosage, medications that remain lodged in fat can cause infection or irritation, researchers Victoria Chan said. "There is no question that obesity is the underlying cause. We have identified a new problem related, in part, to the increasing amount of fat in patients' buttocks," Chan said. "The amount of fat tissue overlying the muscles exceeds the length of the needles commonly used for these injections," she said. The 25 men and 25 women studied at the Irish hospital ranged in age from 21 to 87. The buttocks are a good place for intramuscular injections because there are relatively few major blood vessels, nerves and bones that can be damaged by a needle. Plentiful smaller blood vessels found in muscle carry the drug to the rest of the body, while fat tissue contains relatively few blood vessels. Obesity affects more than 300 million people worldwide and is based on a measure of height versus weight that produces a body mass index above 30. An estimated 65 percent of U.S. adults are overweight or obese

Mr. Hmmmmmmmmm........?

Joined: 9/25/2005

Msg: 36 (view)

Booty call from the X Posted: 11/29/2005 12:26:20 AM
Well... Today I decided I don't want to get involved with her again in any way. It's tempting, but the "booty call form the X" is not going to happen. Like lot's of you folks said, "there's a reason they are the ex"

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