New Feature: Date Night ! chat & forums.

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Thread: New Feature: Date Night !

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

New Feature: Date Night ! Posted: 6/13/2009 4:20:44 AM
Interesting new feature. Assuming women will be brave enough to put themselves on the list, it could work out. If anything, I see it as a better form of exposure for men. For areas without many local get togethers (like where I live), this might be the perfect substitute. I'm not sure how this will play out for those who prefer to get to know someone via email first. Why do I have a bad feeling this feature could quickly become called "psycho date night"? I do like the above suggestion for people who travel. Course, one could argue those travelers are looking for a quickie and not a date in the traditional sense.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 48 (view)

Cool new pic/profile detail when hovering on a profile pic Posted: 5/28/2009 10:47:57 AM
You can barely move your mouse around the screen on some pages without a huge unweidy and unsightly pop up covering half the screen, obscuring what I actually want to look at from view. It's making the site unbearable for me to use. Agreed. There is a reason why say...services like Snap Shots allow its users to decide whether or not to have snapshots on all links on the page vs a user putting the code in for specific links. Ever been to a site that has Snap Shots? How about one where it is enabled for all links? My point? It becomes an intrusive feature if not incorporated properly. And here people thought IM pop ups were annoying, yet this junk is somehow a good idea. Go figure.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 490 (view)

IM Posted: 5/1/2009 5:43:08 PM
I wasn't going to post back in this thread, but I just noticed there is an Instant Message link under a profile on the Favorites page. I recall seeing an admin ask what page people were seeing the link. Well... (Edit: And I just read the first page. Seems they modified more than just the title of the first post. Okay, so the favs page has yet to be modified. FWIW, that makes me even more suspicious now.) I have been paying attention to my behavior since the IM has gone away. I sign in to check the newest members, to see if I have any messages, or to check who has viewed my profile or added me to favs. No reason to sit idle anymore if someone wants to IM me, so I usually log out after that. I definitely don't hang out on POF as much as I used to, especially since I can rely on email notifications for favs and new messages. I don't even have the urge to browse the forums. Oh, I did sign up on another dating site because now that a valuable tool has been taken away, I need to expand my search efforts by browsing listings elsewhere to make up for the large gap in communication here. Not sure how women are handling the change. I'm not seeing any increased local activity, whether it be through messages, favs, or local forum posts.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 95 (view)

Why does everyone have their IM turned off? Posted: 4/16/2009 10:56:10 AM
One could also make the point that an increase in traffic is thanks to a bunch of folks eagerly awaiting the return of instant messaging. When a site has a "problem," users to tend to periodically check in more often to see if it has been fixed. I doubt they've been in the forum to find out what's up. I haven't seen a site wide notification of the change. Nothing like a little panic and intrigue to generate a little traffic. On an additional note, we should not be so eager to show folks the door. Taking a "love it or leave it" stance is a horrible attitude to have. We've seen that sentiment elsewhere in society. Not good at all.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 60 (view)

IM turns me off. Posted: 4/15/2009 9:15:07 PM
I'm all for bringing back the feature. Sure certain folks can be intrusive with its use, but it's a very dynamic option to have. Don't expect the quality of first contact emails to improve as a result. Expect more emails to sort through. Being involved in technology does require a little bit of forward thinking. To give you some perspective, a site-based IM product that recently showed up on a software update site I watch had a shareware price of $599. Not sure what options are out there short of writing the code yourself or going with another sub-par third party app.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 40 (view)

Instead of Read/Delete Let's Educate Posted: 4/14/2009 10:10:13 PM
Ditto what SLAFFA just wrote.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

How long did it take you to stop looking at profiles/message ppl and just go forums? Posted: 4/14/2009 12:13:15 AM
I was a member here a few years ago, so I already knew about the forums. Jumped in here right away and did a little bit of both. I don't think I got tired of the profile searching until some time in November after signing up in August. Fresh fish seem to come in waves. Still doing a little bit of both. Doubt I'll ever be one of the forums only types. Does not appeal to me.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

do i say what i do in school? Posted: 4/6/2009 10:55:41 PM
I get where you are coming from. I've been through it. People do become somewhat more distant when they find out you're a med student. It sure doesn't seem to win you any points. It's difficult to relate to people outside of what we do, unfortunately. People do get intimidated by the smarts factor. I spent most of my med school years with other med students. Sure they can be conniving and competitive at times, but they won't mind dating or being friends because they can relate. I say stick to keeping your eye on the prize and worry about board exams and residency placement. Don't hesitate to tell people what you're in school doing. It's great practice for interviews later on.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 48 (view)

City or Country Posted: 4/6/2009 10:48:42 PM
City... Getting tired of living so far away from the things I enjoy. Everything is right there for the taking in the city. Plenty going on all around you. Sure, I enjoy the outdoors, but it comes at an equally heavy price.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

Things you learn from watching porn (not that I would of course) Posted: 4/6/2009 10:37:30 PM
point one methinks a woman must be paid loads more............. Poor word choice

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Why do guys seem interested than all of a sudden not? Posted: 4/6/2009 12:44:50 AM
Hmm...it all reads like things went okay. Doesn't sound like he's the "not interested" type, but I could be wrong. Looks like a busy guy to me. Course, he could be a player. He actually reminds me of one of my lab partners in college. Never could dedicate himself to showing up when he said he would to get any work done. Completely unreliable person. I don't think this guy you went on a date with blew you off. I just think he's the type that doesn't let people know he isn't going to show up. Pretty common (and bad) personality trait to have these days. I say skip that fish and go try to catch another more reliable guy.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Why are men so offended when a woman has a preference? Posted: 3/25/2009 5:20:23 PM
Preferences are acceptable in the world of online dating, but I do see where some problem areas are in your profile. In section 2 where you describe your dream man, you do say there are exceptions to the rule. Guys will try to be the exception. The other problem spot is where you pull out the "if you're looking for a super model" clause. That sort of thing doesn't quite go along with your own profile which seems to be equally particular about looks. Not saying you're not allowed to have that preference. Just pointing out how that quality triggers the angst you're seeing. Provocative pics are going to get you emails from guys looking for one thing. The results you get here might be a direct result of how particular you are. The latter half of your profile is a lecture. Still, I agree with response above mine that have pointed out how miffed and whiny guys can get when they feel rejected. That probably accounts for much of the angst, but admittedly, your profile is not without a few problem areas. You get out what you put in.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

date eats my food, how to handle this Posted: 3/25/2009 10:07:50 AM
Actually, although probably perceived as bad table etiquette, talking while holding a knife pointed in someone's general direction at the dinner table sends a very nice little subconscious message. People do pay attention when a knife is waving around in front of them. In all seriousness, you were not weird at all. I would never dream of doing that to someone unless invited to do so. It does sound like perhaps the discussion prior to ordering might have somehow implied it was okay because he obviously felt it was fine to knock the heat down from spicy to mild. Did you say anything while discussing the menu that would have given him the idea that he would be trying any of your meal? You probably could have stopped his overbearing behavior on the spot when he made the change to your order. At first glance, his behavior was weird, but we also are not hearing the conversation prior to ordering. You'd be surprised at how people interpret various subtleties as open invitations.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Do women find aggressive sports intimidating/put them off you? Posted: 3/24/2009 10:12:43 PM
I've found the women who like these sports a tad off-putting to be honest. After viewing quite a few profiles in my area and in the state adjacent to my own, UFC seems to be a common interest. Maybe it's because many were Texans. Maybe they put it to attract a certain type of guy. Maybe they think it's another form of eye candy. Just one of those situations where it all boils down to personal preference and common interests. For A Loop was right on the money with regard to hyper-feminine and hyper-masculine perceptions.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 351 (view)

Can you sleep when you are cuddling? Posted: 3/18/2009 12:31:36 AM
Not a chance. I can doze off sometimes, but my arm usually gets caught underneath her somewhere and goes numb. I don't think I'm going to have much of a problem with the cuddling thing. She's gonna get tired of me moving around. I'm the type that fidgets until I am comfortable. I do enjoy having a nice king size bed to sprawl out in. I like having some kicking room, ya know?

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Is your city the reason you're single? Posted: 3/13/2009 11:25:35 PM
That's exactly how it's been for me. I ended up here without having much say in the decision and now that I'm here, I can't seem to get out. I seem to be the complete opposite of the local dating pool. This area has been the most unwelcoming place I've ever lived. Social events I have investigated tend to revolve around church or redneck pastimes. Would be nice to find someone who can accept me for who I am. Still trying to find that group of people who share some of my interests and don't give me the cold shoulder or disgusted stare. It would help if a few of the bigger cities were closer, but Dallas is 3 hours away and Little Rock is about the same. I'm surrounded by even smaller towns.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

Arguing with a loved one Posted: 3/12/2009 8:28:32 PM
Probably tangential speak. Nothing worse than getting so off course, you lose track of where the discussion was going. Some people use tangential speak to intentionally avoid the difficult stuff. Some are simply easily distracted or need every little thing explained along the way. Runner up is using the "You always have to be right" card. I might lose it, but I'm usually organized and calm enough to try and redirect and get back on topic.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Guy says NEVER has had sex??? Posted: 3/10/2009 10:20:55 PM
With the amount of rejection going around, do you really need to ask this question? Entirely possible these days. With this guy, backing out before anything happens could have any explanation. Stick with the simple answers before jumping into the psych analysis. Filter out your own fears and paranoia so you can think clearly on this one. Yeah, it could be a line to work you over. Yeah, he could be shy. He could be running into lots of women who wonder why anyone would have sex with certain people because of how they look. Time to break out that little thing called communication and see what's up.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

Dropped like a hot potato Posted: 3/9/2009 10:40:17 PM
Yep. It does happen a lot. Glad I'm not the only one. Emails seem to be going great and she seems into me. Then she suddenly stops replying. Not only that, but I've noticed they stop signing in as well. Either they found someone or they got fed up with the site. Strange that it is such a common practice to just go cold like that. Move on to the next fish if there are still any in your search area.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Relationships and the future of the Family Unit Posted: 3/9/2009 3:28:43 PM
Many people are not afraid of marriage, but have discovered they don't need to be married to be in love and completely happy. Marriage does not necessarily equate to the perfect family unit. The family unit is evolving and not dying. The old ways of thought are dying. That's how society changes. Older ways get left behind in favor of new, more robust ones. We grew up being told getting married was what we were supposed to do. People are figuring out that cohabitation is just as perfect and procreation is not a measure of one's success in life. People don't do well when they are told they must confine themselves in a well defined box of perfection. People just don't want to be part of this grandiose movement to establish sanctity of marriage as defined by one group. Lots of people just have it a little bass ackwards. Since the convention states that marriage is ideal, they opt into something they are not ready for in an attempt to become the ideal family unit. It has become less about picking a good partner and more about becoming this ideal entity. Divorce is just an expansion of our freedom to make mistakes and learn from them. We've all picked mates that were less than suitable for us and vice versa, but we've also become a nation full of self importance in the name of Me, Myself, and I. Pick your poison, but it isn't the family unit that is in trouble.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

hard to get Posted: 3/9/2009 2:49:09 PM
I want the courtship after interest has been established. You know, actual romance. These guys that like a challenge and lose interest without the adversity simply get an emotional high of sorts from the chase. I don't. That isn't romantic. So you have to ask yourself if the hunters out there are showing genuine interest or not. If romantic courtship is what we are talking about, then the line I draw has everything to do with reciprocation, acknowledgment, and communication. She cuts off all communication abruptly. I take the hint. She seems aloof and difficult to reach or talk to, I take the hint. Too precious to open up to someone who is genuinely interested? Not someone ready for a relationship. If you want to go ahead and play games, look at it this way. Kids who used their imagination to conjure up a forcefield were not fun to play with. A woman who is loose is something completely different. Purely sexual term there. Talk about a cultural divide. Might want to start another thread on the difference between hard to get cooch and easy cooch. If the rule of thumb people follow has everything to do with sexual access, we are definitely NOT talking about courtship.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

My girlfriend is too affectionate in public Posted: 3/7/2009 8:12:18 PM
I had something like that in my previous relationship. I didn't mind it at all. What I had a problem with was how often she wanted to stop and show affection. At some point, I just wanted to get where we were going, you know? Sometimes I felt like I was trying to walk in a three legged race with a potato sack holding us together. Sure people stared, but I did not mind ruffling a few feathers down here in the Bible Belt. Let 'em stand there and gawk with a broom stick up their back side. When you catch them staring and give them just the right glare back in their direction, they scurry off. Ask yourself if her PDA is interfering with anything you are doing. You're uncomfortable and people stare, but that's a problem with you and the on lookers, but not so much with her. You can tell her that it makes you uncomfortable in public with everyone around, but expect to put out the flames of hurt feelings. I'd personally learn to physically control the situation to calm her down. That actually worked better in my situation and it didn't end with hurt feelings.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 270 (view)

How many people have actually went on a date using this site? Posted: 3/7/2009 7:30:24 PM
One. Pretty sure it was back in November. Isn't that interesting? I can't even remember exactly when it was. I do remember that she cut the date short and shook my hand so long. Nixed the lunch part of the date. Seemed like a completely different person than the one I exchanged emails and IM's with. I think she gave up on the site a week later. The ones I've exchanged pleasant messages with eventually stop signing in.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 160 (view)

Are men more attracted to women that play hard to get? Posted: 3/7/2009 7:24:57 PM
Nope. Being distant or silent will always be interpreted as a sign of disinterest. Won't go running after that. If she gives me all those telltale signs she's interested, I'll hit the ground running. Unfortunately, those signs are not foolproof and many times a woman is just being nice. Problem is, lots of guys do think no means yes and keep chasing after a woman who has absolutely no interest in them. It's not because they enjoy the chase. It's because they've somehow convinced themselves she's interested. They think you're playing hard to get. I'd rather not jump on the obnoxious stalker bandwagon. I'm quite happy just taking the hint.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

what can i do different that will help him realize what he should do Posted: 3/3/2009 4:08:27 PM
I've been able to toughen up a few doormats in the past. Like someone else said, it is going to be a long and drawn out pain in the ass. The problem with depressed people is that they don't magically snap out of it. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. Takes a lot of therapy to dig someone out of that slump. So if you are strong and you think you can help this guy, keep doing what you are doing. It is definitely his problem and not yours. I'm the type that can handle pulling a few people up at a time. Most don't want to take those cases on. Therapy can be tedious and really thin out your patience. If you aren't strong enough, his problems will break you. Keep throwing ideas at him. Keep giving him ways he could stand up for himself. Explain that when he does stand up for himself, he should expect retaliation from family and friends who will throw a hissy fit for not getting what they want to make him crack again. Those friends who are scamming rides off of him are not friends. Family treats their own right. Keep pushing that sense of direction. At the same time, work on that job thing and see what else he might want to do. You're going to be giving a lot of advice he won't take, but don't take it personally. Just keep throwing out the ideas. I'm not Catholic, but here's the part where I wave my hand in the air like a cross and wish you well. Life is all about difficult decisions. Can't run away from everything. He's not the only one faced with those problems.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

Do Some guys take longer to warm up to a woman even though she is attractive to him? Posted: 3/1/2009 10:12:21 PM
I'm always wary of women on the fast track. You can't force love because there is no set timeline as someone already mentioned. It's difficult to sort out whether or not you're caught up in infatuation or something more substantial. Exclusivity is easy for me to discuss, but I'm the type that doesn't mind being exclusive with someone I am getting to know first. I can't juggle women. No way, no how. If I get the feeling she feels strongly for me and I share her enthusiasm, the L word is going to get thrown out there by one of us. Feeling each other out is just how a relationship goes. That's what falling in love is. Dancing around saying that silly word gets under so many people's skin. No easy answer here. Lots of people are worried about getting hurt. All I know is I am able to let a woman know how I feel in more ways than one. Hopefully she can pick up on it and be as happy as I am, if not more.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

The Silent treatment Posted: 3/1/2009 9:44:56 PM
Got to agree with Silken Fire on this. I don't think she's giving you the silent treatment. She's cutting off all contact in hopes that you just bugger off. Far too many guys out there just can't take a hint and keep pestering women. I suggest you let it go and understand that reconciliation is not an option. Yelling at men and telling them to F off in many cases represents some sort of behavioral reinforcement and does not get rid of them. You're going to have to forget her and move on bud. Trust me. I know how hard it is to forget and move on. I came across someone I knew a few years ago who meant a lot to me. She didn't respond at all. Respect her decision man. As for the real silent treatment, it's not something I like to use or have done to me. I like to hash things out and open the flood gates of communication in a relationship.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Hi guys, Can you help?? Posted: 2/20/2009 6:28:46 AM
Unlike the above posts, I say what I mean. If I only told you "Nice to meet you," that's it and you shouldn't expect to hear from me. "Talk to you later" in my terms means I plan on actually talking to you later. I didn't think so many guys used this type of mixed message bs, especially when you hear about how much we hate it on these forums. We are only getting your side of the story here. You seem to think the interaction went well. If he had the opposite impression, he's not going to pursue anything more from here on out. So if you tossed out some equally mixed up "woman speak" during the exchange, maybe he's just as confused as you are. How long has it been since this little lunch date?

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 966 (view)

Do you believe that there are some Good Men left ? Posted: 2/20/2009 12:40:00 AM
Seems to be the most common headline for women in my search results. The question does get old quick. I'd like to think I'm a good man, but that isn't up to me to decide. Of course there are good men left. I'm going to enjoy reading through 39 pages looking for those nuggets of wisdom. The definition must be in there somewhere.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

FAtal Flaws and The Doomsday Delete Posted: 2/19/2009 11:48:41 AM
I don't go looking for any fatal flaws in emails. That's what reading a profile is for. The profile is usually enough to sway me. I read plenty of two liners every day. Of the few captivating characters I've received replies from, it seems like if they don't come across interested and somewhat inquisitive, I lose interest. Anything that causes me to lose interest will bring doomsday to your door pretty fast. If I'm not interested, I'll tell someone politely as I can and give my reasons. I'm here to get to know someone. When my questions are ignored or a reply consists of only a few lines with no attempt at getting to know me, the alarm goes off. She's either really shy, not interested and can't bring herself to tell me straight out, or she's not really looking. I'm sure there are other reasons. Maybe it was a test. I can't read minds though and games are for kids. I enjoy communication and when that communication is lacking, it's a bad sign. I have to weigh that experience against an empty inbox, so I sometimes indulge certain aspects of a woman's personality to see if she will open up. I'll give her plenty of time to reply before writing her off. If the conversation doesn't start to develop after three or four exchanges and I'm the only one asking any questions, she's not into me. I get it. Delete. Next fish.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 204 (view)

Would you date a NASCAR fan? Posted: 2/17/2009 6:48:16 PM
I wouldn't, or at least none of the ones around here. Despite what others have said about stereotypes, the NASCAR fans in my immediate area seem to fit the stereotype quite well. There are key words in local profiles that turn me away. When I see the word NASCAR in POF profiles in my area, it's typically followed by other red flags like 4-wheelers, muddin', country music, and Jesus. It's a sure sign that we probably won't have many common interests. There is a lot of truth behind this particular stereotype and although there is the occasional exception, I can't seem to find too many on here. And yes, that's using a 100 mile search radius. It's a real shame. If the question were flipped around, I am not so sure a NASCAR fan would date me either. To each their own. I'm the type that would enjoy a rally race.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 285 (view)

How many messages a day do u get on average? Posted: 2/14/2009 5:39:01 PM
I'll try to reply to these two without feeding much angst into it. Just won't sit here and get lumped in with the half-hearted profile bunch. My post was just an answer to the question posed by the OP and not a complaint. I'll admit that I could liven my profile up a bit with some more humor, but I'm in the same boat as Cowboy when editing. Can't add much without taking out some. The problem in my area is that most women are looking for a good Christian boy or a country boy. Just isn't much of a market for a guy like me here with my interests. I'd wager that Cowboy could make a killing here too seeing as I'm right next to Texas, but Riverside is a nice town in Cali and I'm sure he loves it there. I've gone through the entire list with a 100 mile radius and now I'm to the point where the new users are my focus. I also hit up the 200 mile list, but I still find a lot of the same. Not many new ones coming in. I have to be patient and wait for the bite. And if you want a fishing analogy, I'm throwing a jig. It won't get bit as much as a spinnerbait might, but when it does, you can bet it's a quality fish. It takes lots of patience to fish a jig. I side with those who recommend online dating as a second line option. Get your butts out into the real world and start meeting people. It's a lot better than sitting here at the computer.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 75 (view)

Instant Messaging Protocal - A question of etiquette Posted: 2/14/2009 12:54:11 PM
With the way the site is set up, I can understand how this happens a lot. Every page you load has that wonderful line of men or women and if you see someone attractive with an IM link below the photo, it's very easy to just click and go. It's competitive out there and some men feel they have to be that aggressive to have a chance. That sort of approach does work. They will talk with ya. I don't make the behavior a habit and I do bother reading the profile first. Gotta love tabbed browsing! I ALWAYS resort to email before an IM. It all depends on how the email is handled after that. A read/delete sends a clear message, but if it just sits there unread or read, it leaves us all guessing. The general rule is that a read email in limbo means she's not interested, but that isn't always true and I've had good conversations with a couple of women via IM who simply had a crazy inbox and never got around to replying. Guys don't get bombarded with IM's, so I wouldn't expect them to understand what a PITA it is to receive an uninvited pop up. I get so few that I don't mind. I'm rarely in the middle of anything too involved when signed in. If I get an IM, my knee jerk response is anger for the interruption, but quickly escalates into excitement because someone wants to talk to me. There have been a couple of IM's from women who did not read my profile. One in particular just couldn't take the hint that I was not interested and persisted. You have to learn to use the features of this site to your advantage. As a few others have pointed out, there is a block button in the IM window. Use it so you don't have to turn off IM completely. Look at it this way. Men have to use everything at their disposal on this site to communicate and women have to use everything at their disposal to limit that communication. Talk about fun!

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 43 (view)

How far away is too far away to have a relationship? Posted: 2/13/2009 7:41:02 PM
My last relationship ended up turning into long distance. I'm talking about 22 hours on the road. Before that, she only lived 20 minutes away. Now that I'm on POF, I hope for women 30 minutes away or less and still search with a 100 mile limit. It's strange how all the ones I seem to have things in common with start popping up when my search results include big cities. Of course, that only happens when I move the search radius out 200 miles. Be happy with 30 minutes my friend. I'm waiting for some fresh fish to come in.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 64 (view)

What is wrong with men? Posted: 2/13/2009 5:00:46 PM
While I have not contacted anyone with that big of an age difference, I'm running out of profiles to email within 100 miles and I find myself tinkering with that little age setting in my searches. Might explain some, but not all of these emails women get from men too young or too old than they'd prefer. Lots of young men out there for the cougar experience and probably just as many, if not more older men looking for a nice young piece. Just got to keep adding those little rules to our profiles and hope they read it. At least there is a restriction setting available for age. I'm sure we could think up on heck of a nice list of other restrictions if given the opportunity. As for Joan Collins, you've got to remember that some of her parts are younger than others.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 160 (view)

Anyone else rather SKIP the phone conversations? Posted: 2/13/2009 12:21:27 AM
I wish I could say more contacts here made the jump from email and IM to phone, but in one instance, it did. I found it loosened up my nerves a bit to have a live conversation with a real person. I thought it tested how well we could do the back and forth on the fly and it was nice to actually hear someone else enjoy what I had to say. I found it very reassuring and I'm the type of guy who thinks better on the fly. The actual date was surprisingly awkward and we didn't click. A nice phone call might not be a good indicator of success, but I like it better than typing and waiting for a response. I feel that if you get stuck at any stage for too long, you'll grow tired of someone and run out of steam. I am more apt to become bored if I can't make the next big leap in communication. If I found myself resorting to mindless banter, I'd rethink the whole thing and find someone else. I suppose after seeing thousands of patients, talking to a stranger just comes easy.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 277 (view)

How many messages a day do u get on average? Posted: 2/12/2009 9:09:11 PM
If I remember right, when I started in August, I would get about two replies a week and about one first contact a week. That all calmed down in November. I'm lucky to get anything now. One contact a month is about right at this point, but those messages were from friendly people in the forums. Views have tapered off significantly too. I keep in touch with two from here via social networking. One is just a friend and the other could go either way. Neither are local.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

The no drama requirement... Posted: 2/12/2009 3:38:14 AM
I wrote out a long and involved response, but I got rid of it in favor of this one point. It's not unreasonable to expect someone to come into a relationship ready to behave and communicate like an adult. So on the contrary, it is not a childish request, but instead, a serious request that the potential partner refrain from childish behavior. This is what I would expect a woman to think. What they probably end up thinking is that he's too demanding and now you're right smack dab into the same old tired conversation many threads on this site end up becoming about. Yes, everyone has a history. You learn from that history, but you don't drag it with you like a ball and chain into the next relationship. If it's still a lingering problem, you have no business getting involved with anyone. And as an added note, there are plenty of nutty women wandering around this place. I see you're a fan of Hell's Kitchen. You should already have an answer to your question if you're a fan of that particular show. No drama in the kitchen. No drama in the relationship.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

Have you ever....... Posted: 2/11/2009 10:36:54 PM
I've been tempted, but more often than not, they have those pesky distance restrictions set up. I have been contacted by a handful of people after participating here in the forums and they always had good things to say.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 152 (view)

How do you define overweight? Posted: 2/9/2009 5:34:28 PM
I define it the same way I classify it in clinic or on the wards. We use the BMI classifications. >25 is overweight and >30 is obese. There are additional classifications for obesity, but this thread is about being overweight, not obese. Many of the threads I find on POF on weight and obesity don't help sort things out and often indulge denial. I really don't find the jokes and all that funny nor do I find pleasure in seeing comments expressing pride in being fat, but then again, part of my job is to take the obesity problem seriously. Dating sites do not have the same set standard, so we end up having 7 page threads trying to figure out why somebody selected average when they were clearly overweight. The flaw in the BMI calculation related to working out and body fat percentage is simply not enough to blow the standard out of the water either. If you are the exception, the patient note I write will include that information. Take your weight seriously and do what you can to live a healthy life. If you are honest and happy with yourself and have tried your best to lose weight, that's that. If you haven't...well, questions still remain don't they? How you look is a completely different question.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 48 (view)

Are dating sites addictive? Posted: 2/7/2009 7:50:34 PM
Perhaps. When my relationship of three years ended, I signed up here because it was familiar. I had been a member at POF prior to that relationship, but times were different then. The online dating community was not wound so tightly. I can't say these forums are addictive. I found the new atmosphere a tad repulsive and too volatile, so I reconciled to limit myself to less than three posts a day if I even choose to post at all. I do find myself wondering if I have a new message or a reply, but I've learned to let that go because it doesn't happen. I've fallen back to periodically checking the fresh fish on the local list. If I start referring to myself as a "regular," I'll be sure to step away from the computer long enough to regain my sanity.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 379 (view)

People who think you are hot V2. Posted: 12/7/2008 7:57:39 AM
Passion8, my profile was rather lengthy and properly filled out. I say was because as of today, I'm hanging it up for a while. I had results with this new feature, although I'm not sure why they'd find me hot. I have no idea what alluring trait the system acquired to produce the list, although the second revision of the feature produced better results. I do notice more similarities within the basic profile information and Interests section. At the bottom of the hot list, however, it does also have "sorry, not enough data yet" in red letters. I suspect that might be related to the bottom row which looks at people I have contacted. Clicking on the next link, the girls I think may be hot, gives me nothing. Perhaps you are onto something with the not enough data problem. Men are not the only ones out there writing next to nothing in their profiles. That behavior is not exclusive to one gender.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 126 (view)

People who think you are hot V2. Posted: 12/5/2008 1:28:17 PM
Re: New version Only had a list of 9 this time. Still picking up a few smokers. Locations seem to be a little random. Only two were from the same area as me. Looks like I'm going to have to apply the redneck and Jesus freak filter on my own. Education related similarities were also spotty, although a little improved. I will say that the interests were much more alike and the profiles were pleasant to read compared to the last batch. Had one "prefer not to say" next to marital status. Hmm... Still getting the no data message on mostattractedyou.aspx.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 112 (view)

People who think you are hot V2. Posted: 12/5/2008 11:02:42 AM
Here is a list of who you most likely will like http://www.plentyoffish.com/mostattractedyou.aspx 5/7 or higher is good. Nada. Not enough data for that list. At the very least, the new featured page is a good way to get more page views. Now that I can agree with! Looks like patience is still the rule. edit If I'm not mistaken, the first list (the ones who think you are hot) should be viewed in terms of similarity, not ideal partners. The second list (the ones you think are hot) should be more in line with what most people are expecting in this thread.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 71 (view)

People who think you are hot V2. Posted: 12/5/2008 8:26:49 AM
As far as the ones on the bottom of the page, they are people I've already said no to...why would I want to see them again? That section is useless to me. With wacky results, the bottom section does appear to be useless. I suspect that the bottom section could prove to be useful once proper results are generated. Perhaps you rejected someone in haste and suddenly seeing them on this list might encourage you to give them a second chance.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

People who think you are hot V2. Posted: 12/5/2008 5:38:02 AM
The results do not look very good. You really want me to share my thoughts on the first six results? Okay. 1. Similarities: interest in music...too general though. drinks socially, not looking for intimate encounter, other relationship, or activity partner. That's about it. The bad: She's a smoker, divorced, with kids, and one of those brutally honest types with an obvious past involving men screwing her over. Oh yeah...talk about a fun one. 2. Similarities: Approximately the same age group, same city, humor as an important quality, doesn't have secrets, shy at first, looking for dating, undecided/open on kids, works as a CNA, so also in medicine, not looking for someone who does drugs The bad: Another smoker, separated, has kids, no car, all country...yeehaw. 3. Similarities: Thin, undecided/open on kids, has similar contact filters, also looking for someone that can build a good foundation for a relationship with, has goals and ambition The bad: Another smoker, has kids, lists multiple interests I hate with a passion 4. Similarities: Same height, no kids, drinks socially, uses some of the same contact filters as previously mentioned The bad: Yet another smoker, looking for a guy that God made for her, not much of a profile to read 5. Similarities: Same height, age, not that religious, also looking to date, drinks socially, undecided/open on kids, common interests include fishing and music, independent, encourages success in their partner, values compassion, respect, & loyalty The bad: Probably a smoker (prefer not to say), reads like the same old same old...no psycho, no drama, and she's a big gal looking for a roughneck 6. Similarities: Hey look, finally a nonsmoker, not so religious, also holds a graduate degree, wants honesty, shy at first, filters out drug users The bad: more of those darn redneck interests, not much of a profile to go on, 40 years old and has a couple sexually provocative photos....(shudders) Did somebody say something about a load of bollocks? :) The 10th one on the list wasn't too shabby, but she's three hours away. One other result was so/so. Most results were smokers. Smoking is a deal breaker for me.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 127 (view)

religion in a relationship...deal breaker? Posted: 12/4/2008 1:03:00 AM
Quoted text: After spending 4 years with somebody who was atheist and getting cheated on for many months behind my back, I will be looking for only people with the basic Christian values. One of the problems that this sort of thread always sheds light on is how people suddenly attribute morality to Christianity in such a self-righteous manner. It was not that your partner of 4 years was an atheist that led to her infidelity. It is that sort of haphazard language that would put any religious person on my bad side. That particular belief is what makes certain people incompatible. Nobody likes to be told they are not good enough, let alone evil or hell bound. That's a deal breaker for any relationship and it can be seen between the intellectual and the vacuous, secular and religious, and even the old and young. I'll trade places with ya buddy. I'll take a gal from Vancouver over one from Louisiana any day.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 120 (view)

religion in a relationship...deal breaker? Posted: 12/2/2008 8:23:07 AM
I read profiles day in and day out in my area that demand that a guy must be this "good Christian man." I live in a very religious part of the country. I do not come across many who are the compromising type on this particular issue unless they live 200 miles away or more. I will not let things get as far as the OP did. I skip these people. They will want me to go to church just like the guy in the original post. I could be a good little POFer and play along, but I will guarantee that my experience will be something similar to msg 103 (poet of tragedy) if I went that route. No thanks. Excess is a deal breaker for me, but I am obviously a deal breaker for them. Let them go so they can find a partner who is compatible with their level of religiosity. For example, msg 118 was not necessary and much of the post content was not helpful to the discussion, but he felt the need to express himself anyway. Too much is too much.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 34 (view)

Does anyone get Burned out~~~~~ Posted: 11/23/2008 11:52:10 PM
Oh yes. In fact, I'm about to go on hiatus. A short term break sounds pretty good. It's only been a little over three months, but typing up all these considerate emails is taking its toll. The local options are all starting to look the same. Maybe when I get back, there will be some new faces.

theskinny

Joined: 8/7/2008

Msg: 105 (view)

where to find professional women Posted: 11/23/2008 11:34:04 PM
This is probably why I'm going to end up dating another resident. I can't seem to find any professional women near here using online dating. Not to make a broad sweeping statement, but I don't think many professional women need that kind of help. Msg 86 and others imply otherwise and I take their point into consideration, but I will say that professional women as described early on in this thread are few and far between in my area online. Apparently, I am not good enough for the ones I have contacted so far. The residents I have worked with in the past were not looking for anything or were already spoken for. I see myself putting things on hold in the near future. I do have enough sense to admit that I am part of the problem. I seem to be somewhat of an outsider and clash with the local status quo (see some of my other posts). Location seems to be a bigger problem and things will likely improve when I move away from here and start working. It's nice to be with someone who can relate.

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