only with me for sex????? chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: only with me for sex?????

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

only with me for sex????? Posted: 11/26/2009 9:18:29 PM
i think the wierd parts of dating a virgin could be that he has to figure out who and how he will get the sex he wants, (others) while he is dating you, the virgin. girl, move on to someone who can handle your values and virginity. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 49 (view)

seriously need some help on helping my friend of 30 years Posted: 11/7/2009 11:01:31 PM
beth i could have included all kinds of information but i tried to just stick with a sample of his behavior, the most recent one, in order to get an unbiased review of the situation. having known her for 30 years, 10 before she married him, i do know alot about her and him. but, tonight what he did and telling her the dogs deserved the food more than her was so salient. i know that being iranian would have caused people to immediately attack him from that perspective only. i did not want him attacked, i wanted only to give a description of today and hopefully have some thoughtful responses that could be of help to her. this is my best friend. she is not perfect. i am not butting in to their marriage. he is not the worst guy on some fronts, but i know she is unhappy. i know her self esteem is being chipped away. and she seems immobilized. i was just looking for some perspective. i will get the book suggested for her. thanks again to all, kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 117 (view)

Why to worry about when to give sex? Posted: 11/7/2009 10:47:04 PM
fleur de lis what i am saying is that i don't use sex or think sex will make the man behave a certain way. i am fairly slow in sleeping with someone, and by the time i do i have a sense of who he is, what kind of person he is. but, i don't get upset if i was wrong. we can only work with the information we have. if i was wrong or the relationship takes a turn then so be it. but i don't go whining about how he dumped me and used me for sex. no woman has to have sex with any man before she is ready. when she is, she is and the fact is there are no guarantees about what happens after that.

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 36 (view)

seriously need some help on helping my friend of 30 years Posted: 11/7/2009 10:06:19 PM
related to what family and friends think no family in the area. they live in a neighborhood with 5 acre plots so between work and space between homes, they don't have much if any contact with neigbors. for her, i am it, or the closest to family and/or confidante. her husband is iranian, he has distant relatives, i mean cousins in a range of 50 miles away. they don' t socialize, the most is her visiting me very occasionally, or them visiting his cousins. i know she does not share what is going on with co-workers.

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

seriously need some help on helping my friend of 30 years Posted: 11/7/2009 9:40:08 PM
again i want to thank you for your posts giving advice about my friend and to me also. some of you who posted regarding your own experiences, thank you. they are sincere, compassionate and educational, from the view of an abused person; i think those may be helpful. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

seriously need some help on helping my friend of 30 years Posted: 11/7/2009 8:44:50 PM
thank you to those who posted responses and offered opinions. some of the responses ......well, we get the good, bad, and ugly on here, eh? i realize that i cannot make her see, nor can anyone else, but sometimes the right word, the right account, the right advise, at the right time can really impact a person. that was my purpose in posting. so i will show her the replies and let her glean what she can or will. thank you kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

seriously need some help on helping my friend of 30 years Posted: 11/7/2009 7:16:35 PM
I am asking for some opinions and advise. Please think about what you say, I am considering showing this thread to the person i am concerned about. I feel like I have said all I can say and thought maybe some others who have been through this type of abuse can shine some light on the whys and hows she tolerates it and how she could make a move to leave it behind. This is not me or my story, I am not in a relationship and was not abused in my marriage or any relationship. I cannot relate at all except to think hell no but i know it goes further than that for some people. My best friend of 30 years is in what I think is an abusive relationship (20years married). The abuse comes in the form of controlling behavior, cutting remarks, major silent treatments (for weeks at a time). I will give you an example of what happened today, which is representative of how it goes all the time. He got mad at her because she gently challenged him and asked him to let something go related to pinning their 18 yr old daughter down to an exact time to be home. (the girl is very responsible, obedient, and would not exceed whatever curfew they set but she could not tell him exactly what time she would be home, only that she would come home as soon as done with her date and not to exceed the standard curfew in place). so my friend asked her husband to just let it go, give her a break. He immediately goes into the silent treatment. He is in the kitchen cooking (he loves to cook and thinks he cooks better than anyone else) and loves to cook on weekends. Hours later, my friend goes into the kitchen, which is cleaned up and looks in the fridge to eat some of the food he had cooked but could not find it. she asked him what happened to the food and he told her he gave it to the dogs, because they were more deserving than her. And he had. Two days worth of food. Please provide some ways of illuminating to her what is going on here. Maybe people who have experienced this can explain to her how degrading this is. I have suggested counseling, self help books, etc. but she seems immobilized and stuck in this dynamic. and years of talking about this with her to no avail. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

How can you tell, if you are scared of commitment ? Posted: 11/6/2009 8:58:55 PM
i would be scared of commitment too given the short length of time you have known him and the one time visit. he is pushing too hard too fast. now, your other past runs from relationships i can't say but trust your gut. there is a reason. you may not be ready, even though you want one. perhaps your actually wanting one is later, much later. counseling would be good. sometimes help digging into our behaviors can jump start an understanding. there are some good books on this subject also in the meantime, don't try to or allow another to move too quickly. date, enjoy, be realistic

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 105 (view)

Why to worry about when to give sex? Posted: 11/6/2009 8:20:17 PM
baby i agree with you. i don't think about what a man will think of me. if he thinks badly of me, oh well. i don't have a date rule for having sex either. i have said before when i decide to have sex with someone, it is for reasons that center on me. if i do it i own my actions. i answer to me, not everyone else. i don't think about whether he will dump me or not. i wanted to have sex, i did and it has nothing to do with what he does next. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

Pinocchio Posted: 11/6/2009 7:25:26 PM
he practically begged you to respond to him i would have done the same thing, or at least i would hope i would kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

49 and never married/no children Posted: 11/6/2009 5:58:35 PM
your friends might be jealous. do your friends have great track records in the romance/love department. ask yourself these things. always consider the source. relax, continue to get to know her. i think you will know a red flag when you see it. don't be afraid to take a chance on "the one" kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Need help caught gf Posted: 11/6/2009 5:43:41 PM
you know i was wrong in telling you that you aren't in love. i guess i have forgotten how love sometimes comes quickly and for real. i remember. so please accept my apology. since you are so near to coming home, just try to not overthink this. seperation is a hard thing, it requires trust, understanding, an awareness and acceptance about how hard and lonely it can be, for both concerned. try to hold your fears, judgements about this situation until you are home. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

Need help caught gf Posted: 11/6/2009 5:31:52 PM
ryan i think you and she are too young and don't know one another well enough to say you are in love. relationships are hard and when you factor in major seperation it gets even shakier. the ones that survive are those that have years behind them before the seperation. i say agree that the two of you will be friends and pick up where you left off she may have the best of intentions, but loneliness is a biotch, as i am sure you well know. put yourself in her position and ask if you could make that kind of promise. i want to tell you thank you for your service to our country. god bless you and keep you. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

Situation, a little strange I know Posted: 11/5/2009 9:26:58 PM
op since you are leaving for africa anyway, this will all go away. do what you want. not what your former fwb wants or the new guy. you have choices. also, what works for you works for you. ignore all of the posters on here that try to psychoanalyze you, or project their personal attitudes toward you. good luck in africa, kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 42 (view)

should i try to win her back? Posted: 11/5/2009 9:12:44 PM
op kudos to you for seeing beyond what people call baggage. i married my husband, he was 23, i was 29. i had three children. we were together 24 years. i am thankful that he did not see my children as baggage. just let her go, do whatever you want with your life, hang out in the shadows, be a shoulder, date others........you will know what to do as things present themselves. you have a good heart. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 24 (view)

Showing selfless love at all times in a relationship Posted: 11/5/2009 3:49:58 PM
i would start with the premise of showing selfless love at all times in relationships if you are shooting for that, you will never reach it. remember we are not perfect. start by practicing one new response each time you have an argument, like don't walk away practice, repeating what she said back to her so she knows you heard it hesitate to respond quickly think about what she said, not on how it makes you feel after you have calmed your internal response and reflected on what she said then you may have a chance of being able to further the communication just a few thoughts, kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 49 (view)

Let's take a walk in the woods Posted: 11/2/2009 7:17:44 AM
kimberish i think they especially like the cash and credit card part, helps cover their expense related to the serial killer occupation, you know, shovel, duct tape, plastic bags........ oh sorry just having a post halloween sinister, scary moment.... kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

Mature Adults in their Sexual Prime ??!!! Posted: 11/1/2009 8:13:38 PM
i agree with chancesrmd.......

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 140 (view)

He is 32 and lives at home? Posted: 11/1/2009 7:57:07 PM
the shacking up with his cousin is the part that would scare me!

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Jesus is stealing my girlfriends! Posted: 11/1/2009 7:51:31 PM
op don't date women that have that religious belief. i don't think it is an excuse, i think many have been raised with that belief and do have guilt from it. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 50 (view)

How far before you cross the line? Posted: 11/1/2009 6:59:32 PM
transparency in a relationship is what i would strive for and expect of my mate.

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 24 (view)

Buying his ex-girlfriend a car? Posted: 11/1/2009 6:55:18 PM
oh and if he wanted a relationship and there were some extenuating circumstance, he could have offered them up. but by blowing her off, which is his right to not offer up any explanations, then she can only accept that he is not willing to go there. and make her choices kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Buying his ex-girlfriend a car? Posted: 11/1/2009 6:44:05 PM
the thing about living with his mother.... she knew this (rockman) but perhaps she assumed he was doing it for financial reasons, maybe get ahead, save some money, move out so that made it okay in her mind, a man with a plan but to then find out that he is spending money on an ex girlfriend puts his living arrangement in another light. we often accept certain things in a certain light, but when the light changes and we see other things that contradict what we perceived, we often see what is really is, therefore, we are not as accepting because the real deal is not acceptable to us. that is part of the getting to know you, evaluate you, in relation to my wanting to have a relationship with you. no foul on her part the rest of it, well when his business turns out to be monkey business, then we do what we have to do kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 53 (view)

A friend's cheating husband Posted: 11/1/2009 2:04:53 PM
i agree with all the posters on here. she does not want to know, which means she knows and ignores it, for whatever her reasons are. my concern is him hitting on you, touching you inappropriately. i would tell him via text message so you have proof, or email for proof, that the next time he touches you in any way you will file charges against him. he has no right and you should be aggressive in stopping it. and limit your contact to zero. only see her and next time someone wants to tell you about his dalliances, tell them you don't want to know. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 70 (view)

Did I do the right thing in telling... Posted: 11/1/2009 4:29:45 AM
i don't think you did anything wrong, the whole thing came up in casual conversation. you didn't plan or plot to have that conversation. it is just a case of women exchanging notes. i also don't think the guy did anything wrong either. what each of you does with the information is purely an individual thing. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Interesting concept Posted: 10/30/2009 6:24:28 PM
wazhiz you forgot the rain.... otherwise it was perfect kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Interesting concept Posted: 10/30/2009 5:33:19 PM
not interesting at all purely the drama route in life not the road i would choose and we all have choice kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Just Friends? Or Confused Posted: 10/29/2009 12:14:26 PM
good grief girl, you are 27 years old with a child and you are acting like a schoolgirl texting does not make a date, it does not make a relationship grow up and expect more from yourself and those who wander into your life. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 68 (view)

Does not understand Posted: 10/26/2009 7:32:26 PM
op if the man read your profile, he can not claim that he was not forewarned of the disaster ahead.......

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 64 (view)

Young engaged woman needs advice... Posted: 10/25/2009 6:16:01 PM
i like the pittsburgvixen response. think about it.......no need to rush. if the decision must be made soon, you can always make a no decision. you don't have to do anything you don't want to do, no matter how long you have known him or how long you have been engaged. tell him how you feel, in your mind, give him some time to make the changes, then you will know if you should walk or not. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Is desperation always bad? Posted: 10/25/2009 5:03:52 PM
i like what screaming banshee said

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

heyy :) i need to know how to get over jealousy Posted: 10/24/2009 3:14:07 PM
yes, i agree that you should seriously consider seeing your doctor to assess you adhd and mood swings. you can try all the books and good intentions you want but if there is an underlying chemical imbalance you may need more than good intentions. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

heyy :) i need to know how to get over jealousy Posted: 10/24/2009 3:01:48 PM
you are young, it is harder i think in the early years but you are looking at yourself and saying i don't want to be like this. Good for You! And Good for your Girl and the Child! Maybe some preset questions for yourself to help you see if you are letting your mind get away from you like when you feel the jealousy dragon rearing its head what makes me feel this way? what happened that i interpreted in a way that brought these feelings out? basically examine what brought them out. then ask why it made you feel jealous? Is it something real or is it just something that tapped into my own insecurities? for instance your past. basically, get analytical with yourself, get real with yourself about is it her or is it me. there are lots of books on the emotion of jealousy at bookstores. get some, read them, see if you see yourself in them, practice some of the techniques to stop yourself. you sound like you really see the problem with yourself and jealousy. that is the first step, awareness of ones own role in ones bad behavior. good luck, and take care of her, the baby and yourself. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 88 (view)

seeing guy for 2 months and he still on pof Posted: 10/24/2009 8:03:58 AM
rock man i use ICE on my phone for in case of emergency. it is a recommended practice from emergency personnel to help them locate someone if you are in an emergency. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

From lover to boyfriend Posted: 10/23/2009 8:31:41 AM
as always, honesty is the best policy. tell him whatever it is you feel you want to do. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Kissing cheating? Posted: 10/22/2009 9:20:33 PM
op is this the same girl who said that she thought of you as a brother (from your other thread) and the one who took you back (another thread)? if it is, you need to move on. you are too young to be hanging in a relationship that is full of this much drama. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Holding off on having sex with a women?? Posted: 10/22/2009 2:48:32 PM
i think he was just exercising the good times chillin with you and maybe the next step will be sex, it is his perogative too you know. op not all men want sex on the first date or the 2nd or whatever date. i dated a guy who kinda pushed for sex the 2nd and 3rd date, i told him no. the next day, i told him i wanted to start from scratch again, no heavy making out, etc. that i was not ready for that. he actually said he was happy to have me say that. that he feels pressured sometimes to push for sex because that is what men are expected to do. we ended up dating for 4 months before we reached the point of intimacy. i think you met a man that wants or is satisfied getting to chill with you and not purely for sexual conquest. enjoy him, let it take its own pathway, without trying to control his response to you. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Curbing your relationships Posted: 10/22/2009 12:47:09 PM
op i see two questions, kinda seperate 1. why do forum responders so quickly advise dump him/her? one thought is that many times they are responding off the cuff, maybe not enough information to really give a good answer, or only drawing on their personal experiences to formulate their responses. given our experiences, both negative and positive, perhaps we should attempt to balance our responses for the good of the asker of the question. then, like many say, it up to the op to decide. 2.related to the questions about being jaded, trying to find reasons to quit before we start......even when we have worked through our issues and come to the dating table fairly cleaned up, we all still have fear. fear of failure again. some of us mask our fear in various ways, the road block gets put up, the scrutiny to find some reason we can call it off, not enter into it, etc. i disagree with the poster who commented that we are all down on our luck and we are here because we cannot afford a paid service or cannot make it in the real world. that is just a blanket statement without a basis, except his own perhaps. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 47 (view)

a young beautiful wife with a much older husband Posted: 10/21/2009 5:30:36 PM
chris i will speak up and say men 45-60 or even beyond are dynamos. age has little to do with sexual ability. what they lose in youth, they make up for in experience and selflessness. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

My gut Posted: 10/21/2009 3:19:11 PM
i agree with landra she lied about where she was who she was with and probably what she was doing trust your gut, move on, life is too short

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

a young beautiful wife with a much older husband Posted: 10/21/2009 12:32:45 PM
op tell your friend to not worry, that is not a big age gap and men in their 50's and 60's can be better lovers than in their 40's if they choose to be. of course that all depends on the person and the relationship and the health of both. she needs to be talking to him about this. communication is the number one indicator of relationship success, lack of communication is like the first nail in the coffin. tell her they both need to cultivate and nourish communication, openess, and effort to enrich their sex lives and relationship in general. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 81 (view)

Phone etiquette Posted: 10/19/2009 8:45:45 AM
one ringy dingy two ringy dingies snort, snort is this the party to whom i am speaking? snort, giggle, snort

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 64 (view)

Phone etiquette Posted: 10/18/2009 2:36:21 AM
op a little boy was calling a 900 number when his grandpa caught him. grandpa said you shouldn't be calling those numbers, you could catch a disease. the little boy said grandpa how could i catch a disease over the phone? grandpa said, i don't know but i used to call those numbers and now i have hearing aids...... i tried to have phone sex once, but the holes were too small.... your mama's so nasty i had phone sex with her and got an ear infection... how's it working for you?

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 62 (view)

Is Smelling Bad a Bad Sign? Posted: 10/17/2009 12:28:20 AM
especially if you notice this or your friend notices a smell about you at the gym it could be your clothing. another person described it, we used to call it instant funk shirt because it would activate the smell after you put it on and your body moisture and heat made contact with the materials if you can not replace your gym clothes right now, wash them in washload of bleach (about a cup poured into the washer when it is full, before you add your clothes is this noticed when you are dressed in other clothing? don't worry this is not you being decayed from the inside out, good grief where would you get such an idea. you would be sick and you would know it.

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 97 (view)

I find this site disheartening.... Posted: 10/16/2009 8:45:28 PM
op they really should provide forum education classes and a shield of armor for all who enter. these people don't play and when they do they play rough! try meetup.com good groups all across the country stay on here, check out the forums, it is entertaining stay in real life too, otherwise you will go crazy kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 45 (view)

I can't understand this woman and her actions HELP!! Posted: 10/16/2009 8:30:53 PM
op this thread is really starting to repeat itself. well you are certainly repeating yourself. i agree that you seem only to want everyone here to agree with you and blame her in this event. the thing is that most on here think the important point of advise is that you drop it and move on. accept that you are not going to be proven right and her wrong. i really feel like you should take it up with her if it bothers you to the point that you cannot let it rest. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

I can't understand this woman and her actions HELP!! Posted: 10/16/2009 6:40:29 PM
op i don't think you are over reacting in the sense that she did play you a little or alot if the death in the family was a made up story, that does sting i agree. but to take it to saying you are jaded now, and you don't trust women after this, and all the angst you are expressing is just too much for a relationship that never happened. you have expressed earlier in the text that you don't have luck with women, i think you said something like that. you need to look at yourself, evaluate your behaviors. learn to walk away when you lose and move on to the next one without allowing yourself to internalize it so much. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 83 (view)

the odds of POF... STACKED for ladies, discouraging for men Posted: 10/16/2009 12:46:50 PM
op i was being sincere when i said your style and meanderings are fun to read. the comment about smoking something was meant as a gentle joke. you obviously have a laid back style and i appreciate your non-confrontational style. thanks for the topic and discussion all. kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 69 (view)

the odds of POF... STACKED for ladies, discouraging for men Posted: 10/16/2009 7:51:34 AM
op your writing style is fun to read, your meanderings are even more fun, are you smoking something? kaylee

kayleegirl

Joined: 8/10/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

is he interested and trying to bale? Posted: 10/15/2009 10:42:19 PM
op have you actually met this man in person or just online? oh well, it doesn't matter. not enough time in the friendship either way to be thinking this hard about it. all his reasons could easily be legit, it is too soon to have expectations about the timelines, quantity, etc. relax girl, go online again, keep yourself out there, this is not any where near solid enough to fret over it. it will become clear in time. just sit back and watch, but keep living. kaylee

Show ALL Forums