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velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Several roommates share house, use same PC - wrong user name showing up! Posted: 5/10/2009 2:00:59 AM
Cowboy, thanks for the info; however, we do not share one account. That would be silly. One is a guy and the other 2 or 3 are women. Each of us has our own account. I'm still showing up as velvetvenus although I'm univeregirl. I've tried different things and when I enter my universegirl user name and my password, it still shows the logon name of velvetvenus.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

NON-caucasian search is offensive Posted: 5/10/2009 1:51:46 AM
coffeesan, people should be FREE to connect with a person from WHATEVER RACE they want. What now - people are supposed to be unbiased as well in their attraction preferences?! PUHLEEZ!

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Intimate Encounter Message Problem Posted: 5/10/2009 1:48:45 AM
adamavenue, Why are you even involved in sex things with a married woman?! She's got a fricking sex problem with the hubby - let THEM go to a sex therapist and/or medical doctor and/or shrink to work it out!!!!!

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Intimate Encounter Message Problem Posted: 5/10/2009 1:46:40 AM
Such bull...men lie, lie, and keep on lying. Yuck.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Several roommates share house, use same PC - wrong user name showing up! Posted: 5/8/2009 11:45:29 PM
We are several roommates who share a house. Some of us like POF and have our profile on it. I logged on to my POF account with my user name, which is universegirl, and it is showing up as velvetvenus. I don't know whose user name that is and I have never used that user name. What is going on? Thanks.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 369 (view)

When is taking a drunk girl home from a bar and having sex considered rape? Posted: 5/4/2009 12:31:36 AM
It's considered rape when you are taking a drunk girl home from a bar and having sex with her! What an idiotic question. And you are a moral****oach!

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 60 (view)

a guy not being able to get off Posted: 5/3/2009 4:25:31 PM
chili003, I'm pretty sure this man was, as you said, whacking off to porn; however, he did want to be in bed quite a bit and really enjoyed getting me to gush. I'm very sensual and sexual so I never have a problem. He's the only one who ever found my G spot, and I swore to everyone prior to that that the G spot was a myth and didn't exist. Most women think they don't have one; I was one of them. But no, I can now personally attest to the fact that there is one, at least I do.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 53 (view)

what is taking it slow? Posted: 5/3/2009 12:26:48 PM
Taking it slow in what regards? Here's what most men do: 1. Let's take it slow emotionally; but let's hurry up and have sex. Do NOT do this. Some might mean take it slow as in both: sex and emotional. Some men are impotent. They might want to take it slow so that you don't find out that they can't have intercourse with you until you are already emotionally invested. That's a sick and unfair F'ing game with the woman. Find out what the heck is going on. A relationship DEVELOPS OVER TIME. This is something that I have learned. It doesn't happen like gangbusters. Remember, the fireworks pop only very briefly and disappear into thin air even more quickly.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 53 (view)

I need your help to decipher his behavior of 2 messages Posted: 5/3/2009 12:22:03 PM
holidayfan, he didn't email for sex. It wasn't about sex. I think he was lonely when he wrote the first email, he probably does miss me (I know for a fact that there aren't that many women in the area that I live who are like me), and very likely that the women he likes don't want him once they discover his sexual problem and the ones that like him he doesn't like. I do know for a fact and without question that he really did like me. The issue is that he didn't LOVE me. He never said that word. The most he ever said was "I've grown very fond of you in these weeks that we have been together." That was at the 3rd. month. I was very offended, but I didn't say anything. A week after that the word "love" came out of my mouth during sex. I didn't even realize I said it until I heard the words, kind of weird, in a delayed reaction. I heard them in slow motion. He didn't reply or say anything. I felt so hurt that it's indescribable. At that point I immediately took it back and said "By the way, don't freak out, I didn't mean love as in the big L, I meant love as in I care for you a lot." He replied "I know what you meant." After that, things started to deteriorate, which is why I then had my girlfriend test him out to see if he was likely to be the straying kind. I don't think that a man spends every weekend with a woman and calls her 6 days a week if he doesn't really like her. Introducing the woman to the mom is something he didn't have to do. I'm thinking that most men don't do that unless they really like that woman and they consider her to be an important part of their life. We didn't spend more time together because we didn't live close to each other. Also, I have a grammar school age child in the house during most of the week, so it would have been awkward for him to sleep over; his territory starts where he lives, and I'm North of that; he works 2 days out of the week out of the local area. If all he wanted was sex, he could have gone to a sex web site or pick on some desperate woman; desperate women are all over the place, and some are even good looking.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

Why do some men rush, then unexpectedly back off Posted: 5/3/2009 9:50:31 AM
Mackeyjones1968 also got it! Listen to these 2 guys, ladies. And above all, do NOT give up the cherry early! Remember, chicks, most of us BOND with the guy through physicality and sex. It's plain and simple. So if know you're one of those, then do NOT get into it. Find some other way of making him feel wanted and appreciated.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

Why do some men rush, then unexpectedly back off Posted: 5/3/2009 9:48:37 AM
Oldschool67 GOT IT! By Jove, he's telling it to you like it is! That's why you MUST not have sex with any of them until AFTER that time. As our grandmothers and their mothers used to say: If HE cares about you, he'll be willing to WAIT!

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 52 (view)

a guy not being able to get off Posted: 5/2/2009 11:36:24 PM
medchick911 hit it on the head! No pun intended. Hahaha. The man I was seeing watched porn. I asked him if he did, as I was curious, and he said yes. If I remember correctly, I believe he said daily. I don't know what type of porn - whether those disgusting movies of dirty old men with younger women just doing it, or whether it was still pictures of naked women. I have no idea. He said that all men do that and that whoever says he doesn't look at porn is lying to the woman to tell her want she wants to hear. I think that's bullshit. My ex-husband didn't watch porn. He doesn't even have a computer. He knows how to lead a REAL life, with REAL live women, and he has only one in his life. He only masturbated once a week or so. He told me when I asked him. There are definitely good guys out there, my ex is one of them. He was a major premature ejaculator, though -- 7 thrusts max and he was gone. One time all he did was go in and before he went into the second thrust, it was over. It was an awful situation all the time. However, he was loving and monogamous.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 51 (view)

a guy not being able to get off Posted: 5/2/2009 11:28:57 PM
TakeMetheWayIAm, I can't believe that men, creatures who F around all the time, would not be able to have an orgasm because they are "in love" with someone else. That is ludicrous. QUESTION FOR THE MEN: Does that happen to any men -- that they can't orgasm with women because they are still in love with someone else?

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 50 (view)

a guy not being able to get off Posted: 5/2/2009 11:26:55 PM
Corindan, thanks for this info! I did ask him would he pleasure himself while I watched. He didn't seem to want me to do that. He never masturbated while I was with him. I had assumed that this guy was a player and screwing around on the wife. I didn't consider that he might not have been screwing around on the wife and was masturbating during the time she didn't want to have sex with him. They still slept in the same bed, though. How weird is THAT that they are in the same bed but not having sex. I have NEVER heard of anything so unbelievalbe!

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 49 (view)

a guy not being able to get off Posted: 5/2/2009 11:22:40 PM
Vapurr got it! Oh, my gosh, I think she is correct about this. If a man has a trust issue with women, then they won't want to "give" is the gift of their ultimate intimacy with us. The same if the man is controlling. Perhaps if he is controlling his emotions, then he is controlling himself sexually because when a man orgasms, he might feel out of control. Hmmm, I wonder what Freud would have to say about this. QUESTION TO THE MEN: If a man is married for 30 years, the last several years there are problems in the marriage, the wife won't have sex with the husband in the last 2 or 3 years of the marriage. One day she calls him at work and tells him to come home from work because she needs to talk with him, at which time she proceeds to tell him that she is leaving. She has moved out all of her stuff that morning and afternoon prior to his getting home. She tells him she's been dead inside for years. She files for divorce; it's final in the next 6 months (as per California law). He starts dating and 4 months after the divorce meets a woman whom he really seems to like (me), but he can never have a sustainable erection (except for 2 or 3 times with Cyalis), and never has an orgasm (even with Cyalis) -- what the h*ll could be going on?

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 48 (view)

a guy not being able to get off Posted: 5/2/2009 11:14:14 PM
Renaissance Man, the on again/off again is nothing more than the man's excuse for F'ing around on his significant other. If you and this woman are together, get off these online sites and just WORK ON THE RELATIONSHIP! Stop F'ing around. There is nothing better than a deep emotional connection with a woman; it makes the sex the best there is.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 47 (view)

a guy not being able to get off Posted: 5/2/2009 11:11:38 PM
produceninja, why can't a man have an orgasm with a woman. Is it because he is a homosexual and doesn't want to accept it to himself? Is it because he is turned off by the woman but prefers to be with her than alone? I was with a man last year who had this problem. He had a very tiny member, about the length of my middle finger and the girdth and shape of my thumb. I felt like surplus goods. He could never come. One time he said "oh, I want to come," but he couldn't. It was awful for me. I enjoyed the sex with him tremendously because he had obviously learned to compensate for the lack of intercourse in other ways. However, there are several sides to sex for me. One is the receiving (physical and emotional); the other is the giving (physical and emotional). I was not able to give the physical satisfaction. Then after several attempts and nothing still happening, I started to feel that he was withholding the physical and the emotional from me as well. I think it's a control issue with some men. They don't want to give themselves to the woman in that way. Again, I'm asking WHY this happens. This man was 52, had had a heart attack 2 years prior, had a heart episode while I was with him at his house one weekend, had high blood pressure and was on medication, had some other health issue as well. He took Viagra, which didn't work very well. Then he took Cyalis, which worked better. At least with Cyalis he got an erection that sustained for a little bit, but he couldn't come and the erection didn't last that long anyway. None of my special skills worked. It was awful emotionally for me.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 46 (view)

How long to wait for sex Posted: 5/2/2009 10:19:15 AM
burgundybomber, you are no better than the first bleephole. 6 hours to wait into a date? I bet you're the type that if you HAVE DISCUSSED it with the woman and both agreed that you would be monogamous, and one of the bimbos who does it in 6 hours propositions you, off you'd go with that one. My suggestion: Why don't you all just wait until you have FEELINGS in the heart for the woman. If all you want is to stick the hot dog in the BBQ, go see a prostitute. That's what they are there for: Sex with no emotional attachment in exchange for money. However, as I said before, most men nowadays don't want that because: 1) they are cheap, 2) women have spoiled them by opening up their legs to the bleeping bleepholes, and 3) you get no ego satisfaction because you had to pay instead of thinking that the woman is doing it because she really likes you.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 42 (view)

Going soft during sex? Posted: 5/2/2009 12:53:46 AM
Oh, for crying out loud, this guy is just a selfish, self-centered, egotistical, emotional snail and moral sewer****oach. He KNOWS what's right and what's wrong; he just doesn't care to comport his behavior with what morality and ethics demand that he do. The bottom line is, he does NOT care about either one. He ONLY cares about what he GETS from those two women. One of them provides something he wants and the other one provides something else. Come on, let's face it, men aren't about the SEX itself. It's about the power, the control and the ego. WE women are the ones who are truly SEXUALLY POWERFUL. We don't go soft, we have orgasms 1000 times more intense than what a man ever could hope to feel, our emotions are tied up with sex. WE are the ones who like sex more than the men do. The men only like the VARIETY, again, because it feeds their little shriveled up egos.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 40 (view)

How long to wait for sex Posted: 5/2/2009 12:14:08 AM
kindredspiritz, what are you saying about liking her enough that you want a physical connection? Come on, man, you know that men don't have to like the woman to want to stick their hot dog in her barbecue. It's just exercise to most of you. No in love, no love required, not even affection.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 39 (view)

How long to wait for sex Posted: 5/2/2009 12:11:47 AM
isn'tafraid, you're just another F'ing ***hole! Go see a whore! Oh, wait a second, YOU are a whore, too! Puke...men like you disgust me!

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 38 (view)

How long to wait for sex Posted: 5/2/2009 12:08:46 AM
Look at yourself, look at your attractiveness, look at what you have to offer; then look at her, look at her attractivenss, look at what she has to offer. Who the hel do you think you are to expect sex by a specified number of dates - like the "magic #3." Yes, I heard you say that you don't expect that, but just the mere fact that you mentioned it says that you would prefer to get sex by the 3rd date. First of all, if you want just sex, SEE A WHORE! Pay the whore! That is what they are there for! To provide sex in exchange for money so that you can have the meaningless and unemotional sex that you all desire. Of course, though, most of you men don't want to pay the whore because that doesn't give you any ego boost or satisfaction because you had to buy her - she didn't fall for you. Isn't that your little game? To have the woman have feelings for you so that you can say "oh, see how hot and great I must be!"? Just see an F'in whore if all you want is sex. And women, for crying out loud, BE LADIES! Don't give up the cherry until the SOB is in love with you!!!!! Look around you, wake up, and smell the F'ing stinking roses! What happened after women's lib (which was no lib, but yet further enslavement to men) and you, your mamas and grandmamas went around opening their legs to any ashole who wanted a fck? I'll tell you what happened: you all LOST YOUR VALUE to men! There are too many pusses out there and then don' t need any ONE of you! So close your F'ing legs, stop reading hot romance novels, go out to do activities with friends in groups, get your mind off sex, and leave the as*holes alone. Once you reduce the available pool of idiotic self-minted whores from their "stable," they will reform their F'ing attitudes. I GUARANTEE you that!

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 41 (view)

Going soft during sex? Posted: 5/2/2009 12:01:48 AM
If he's F'ing that much and can't get it up, he could be a homosexual in denial - like many of them do, especially the homosexuals who are homophobes; they hate what they are, so they have to go around having sex with as many women as possible, failing with all of them, of course.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 40 (view)

Going soft during sex? Posted: 5/1/2009 11:58:11 PM
Kudos to psylence1, unless he is just saying that so that all the chicks who check out what he said think he's a prince of a guy. You never know the lengths to which men will lie and manipulate to get laid.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 39 (view)

Going soft during sex? Posted: 5/1/2009 11:55:47 PM
You are an AS*HOLE! You are NOT supposed to treat women like that! If you are going to cheat on them - at least have the F'ing truthfulness to tell them! Arrgghh! No wonder I F'ing hate all of you.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 600 (view)

Slept with 83 people Posted: 5/1/2009 12:52:41 AM
Applause to BikerBiker53. By Jove, I think he's got it! :) I am printing this out and handing it out to friends. I couldn't have said it any better. Well, actually, I HAVE said it in a similar fashion, but his examples surpassed mine. :) To me, sex is meaningless and I feel absolutely nothing if I don't feel any affection for the man. At least I need to feel that. I also need to have all of my senses "on" - smell, vision, hearing, taste, touch. If not, it's a frigging chore. I also need to enjoy being with the man and a sense of humor is crucial to put me at ease. If I don't feel that, especially the affection, I feel empty and like a machine. I have only had that happen one time - and I got up from bed and left. I had no connection with the man, and he obviously had none with me. On the other hand, as BikerBiker53 said, when you feel love for the person, the sex is more than sex. It is sublime, you can let loose, do whatever you want between the two of you because you feel sexual trust with that person. Even if the man can't do anything because he can't function sexually, you still gush and you perceive him to be the best lover of all time - simply because of the emotion that goes along with the sex.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 599 (view)

Slept with 83 people Posted: 5/1/2009 12:45:30 AM
riterofpoetry, of course it's the fiance's business! He is considering marrying a woman, and a very young one at that, who in her short time has fuc*ed 83 men! Patterns repeat themselves. She will continue to F men, as many of them as possible. Obviously, she has issues. She doesn't respect herself. And if she Fs other men, as she no doubt will, while being with your "friend," she does not respect him either!

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 598 (view)

Slept with 83 people Posted: 5/1/2009 12:41:39 AM
Do you really need to ask?! She's a W-H-O-R-E! He must dump her as quickly as he can say "Yikes!"

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 47 (view)

I need your help to decipher his behavior of 2 messages Posted: 4/30/2009 6:46:08 PM
Hi, Greeneyes, I hear what you're saying about some people wondering how an old flame is doing a while later; however, the first email wasn't asking how I was doing -- it was specifically saying that he missed me, knew we had something special and that he messed it up, etc., and that he wanted to get together again. Waiting 23 hours and retracting it is weird. He wasn't drunk for 23 hours. He could have taken it back much sooner. And I'm pretty darned sure he wasn't drunk at all when he wrote the first one. He either 1) planned it all out to write those 2 messages in order to hurt me or 2) he actually meant the first one and got pissed and/or embarrassed when I didn't reply. That right there shows how selfish he is. It's all about him. Instead of thinking to himself that the woman might still be hurt by his willingness to be unfaithful and screw up her holidays, her birthday, and her Valentine's Day (this is the first one that I had to spend alone), and realize that she might need time to digest what happened and what he said, he just reacts by taking it back. THAT makes it sound as if this person has emotional issues, such as not knowing what the heck he wants in life. I was not considering getting back together with him because I would be concerned that if he did it when the going was good, like karma1160 said, what would he do when the rough patches that arise in every relationship occurred. I just have a curious mind and I always seek the truth of what lies behind what people say and do. Therefore, I was curious in trying to decipher his meaning. In addition, his first note gave me the closure that I had needed. Also, it is gratifying, if I am to be 100% honest here, that he is online on Friday nights and Saturday nights. When we were together, we were always doing fun things such as movies, dinner, hikes, strolls, cuddling, making out, listening to music, arts and wine festivals, music festivals, an evening bay cruise, cooking together, etc. I can stake my life on it right now that he has NOT found anyone like me. I'm also very affectionate and caring. When he had what he thought might be a heart attack during one day that I spent at his house, I'm the one who drove him to the hospital, stayed cool despite my sadness and fear that something might be happening to him, I didn't dump him afterwards even though now it wasn't just impotence, but a heart condition, and I found out that 2 years prior he had had a heart attack, which he had not divulged to me before. Anyway, it's over and done with and that's that. We did have some very beautiful and wonderful times together and I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy them at the time.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 46 (view)

I need your help to decipher his behavior of 2 messages Posted: 4/30/2009 6:35:44 PM
karma1160, thanks for your analysis on this. I've heard about attracting what you fear, but I'm not sure if that happens or HOW it happens. I don't know of any scientific proof that such a thing occurs. Regardless, other than my ex-husband, to whom I was married 27 years, who was COMPLETELY monogamous and very good in that regard, very affectionate, loving, and proud that I was his wife, all I have found are unfaithful and cheating sewer rats since I started dating 4 years ago. My experience has been terrible since I started dating. Worst of all is when the man you are with should be THANKING GOD that you are even with him - they're impotent (and the Viagra, Levitra and Cyalis don't work), they're full of health problems, some are not even good looking anymore (hair gone where it should be and hair growing where it shouldn't), out of shape, overweight, etc., and they're still trying to stick the limp noodle in any pasta pot that will take them. They treat you like you're a windup doll (I want and need you now and when I'm through it's time to put you back on the shelf), etc. They are just selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed egotistical****oaches, as far as I'm concerned -- except for the few good ones. And I'm NOT the ONLY woman going through this crap. Almost every woman that I know has had many of these experiences with cheating creeps.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Email and blocking intimate encounters closed Posted: 4/30/2009 1:27:34 AM
If you set your email parameters to not accept emails from people who have messaged others for intimate encounters/sex, what happens if you email them first, without knowing that they are into that? Do they get blocked when they try to reply to your email? Thanks.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

kids Posted: 4/30/2009 12:35:17 AM
If your child is a terror to him, then he has reason to be concerned. If it's just a matter of his not liking her for other reasons or of their mutually not getting along, dump the guy. He's not worth it. Whatever the reason, you know that as soon as he finds another piece of as* he'll dump YOU. So which is it to be - your child or some man? There are lots of them out there - and 80-90% of them just want to have sex, even when they can't function. That's it in a nutshell. Good luck to you.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 39 (view)

I need your help to decipher his behavior of 2 messages Posted: 4/29/2009 9:51:34 PM
cannpeters, I acknowledge what you're saying about not testing people. However, think about it. Men lie! You know that. They will tell you what they want to hear. This man had just told me the week before he made a date to go meet what is essentially a whore (my girlfriend playing the part of an "I just want sex and I find you very physically and sexually attractive" crap) that he missed me and that he couldn't imagine my being with someone else and that he also made sure to stay away from temptation. A lie! Had I believed that crap I would have placed myself in a very horrific situation with a lying and cheating bast*rd and exposing myself to even more emotional pain and highly increased chances of a deadly STD. If I hadn't tested him, the lying and cheating SOB would still have me, be laughing behind my back that he put one over on me and I would be victimized by him. No way on this earth am I going to let any man do that to me. I will first determine if he's moral and honorable and then I will give him my complete trust. It's foolhardy in this day and age to do anything different. I acknowledge that other people may have different opinions, and that is fine. They may have had different life experiences than I have had since beginning to date 4 years ago or they give their trust until the person proves that he's not trustworthy. Frankly, I would rather test first to make sure that the water is not scalding hot before sticking my body in it.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 38 (view)

I need your help to decipher his behavior of 2 messages Posted: 4/29/2009 9:43:22 PM
pixydust, he did not email me at 2 a.m. He emailed me at 6 p.m. on Sunday. Then he sent the "I take it back" email at 5 p.m. the next day. The first email was very well written, logical progression of the sentence structure and all. It sure didn't sound like he was drunk to me.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 37 (view)

I need your help to decipher his behavior of 2 messages Posted: 4/29/2009 9:41:27 PM
warmhanded, if he had passed the test I would have been the happiest female on the planet -- no, let me correct that, in the entire universe! I would not have let him know that I tested him because that would have probably hurt him being that he was found to be trustworthy. However, I would have trustd him and respected him 100%. I already appreciated him 100% and I always told him that and complimented him on being a great boyfriend and lover. I wanted to make him feel good about himself and boost his self-confidence in the sexual arena, being that he had all of those major problem sexually. I just didn't trust him fully because of some things that he had said and some behavior on his part that made me think that possibly the wife left him due to infidelity. If a wife tells the husband that "I've been dead inside for years," it makes you think. That's what he said that she told him on the day that she moved out and called him to go home early because she needed to talk to him. When he got there, she had already moved all her stuff out, went to live with her boss, who was married, and left. Now, think about it, why would a woman "go dead inside" against the husband? Because he had hurt her repeatedly and the only way for her to protect herself emotionally was to freeze up on him. Why would she do that? What is it that a man does that hurts us more than anything else (other than hurting our children)? Infidelity. He was also into looking at porn several times a day, according to him. That sounds like a sex-obsessed man to me, and that type of issue can easily turn into hitting on as many women as possible and replying to their sexual advances.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

I need your help to decipher his behavior of 2 messages Posted: 4/28/2009 1:54:16 PM
His inability to have intercourse is a MAJOR component of the situation and is very relevant to it; therefore it is important for anyone who is going to give you their input to know the full situation. He wasn't identified by name or city; therefore, no one will know who he is. No confidence or privacy of his is being violated. There are other issues surrounding this man that could also be major red flags in and of themselves, let alone the Internet dating site surfing and replying to other women, as well as possibly sending out the messages. None of that, however, was the point of THIS question from me. My questions centers ONLY on what possible motives he might have had for contacting me after 5 months to ask me to reconcile then 23 hours later rescind the message. He spends almost every Friday night at home and a lot of Saturday nights as well. When we were together, we had a lot of fun and went out almost every Friday and Saturday.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

I need your help to decipher his behavior of 2 messages Posted: 4/28/2009 10:47:58 AM
trueleyme, what you say makes no sense. One must have PROOF one way or the other before dumping a person. What if I had dumped him (or any other man) because I was worried or might have suspected due to perhaps over-analysis on my part that he was seeing someoneon the side and it wasn't true? I could potentially lose a good person by acting reactively and without foundation. The MATURE thing to do is to CHECK IT OUT. Get the proof one way or the other. And the ONLY way to do that is to watch, observe, and test out if necessary. Rich people do it all the time, except that they have the money to hire private investigators. I don't. You all who think that testing out is a bad thing have to get rid of that mindset. LEAVING without proof is what's wrong. I won't do that because it's hurtful to me and to the other person if they, in fact, were innocent of any infidelity.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

I need your help to decipher his behavior of 2 messages Posted: 4/28/2009 8:41:33 AM
Thank you, Bicoastal, for your thorough analysis. It is possible that you are correct as to he may have writtn the note while he had been drinking. It was very well written, though, and the thoughts expressed in his sentences followed a proper logical progression, so I never would have guessed that he was drunk. My personal interpretation was that 1) he was lonely, can't find anyone that he really likes or that likes him (many other women will not put up with continued complete lack of ability to have intercourse) and decided to email me but when I didn't respond in a 24-hour period, he was embarrassed and took it back OR 2) he did it to play emotional head games with me, which would be very mean; but I don't think that's his style. Frankly, I believe that he is emotionally undeveloped, to put it mildly. After the behavior on his part that forced me to break up with him, he should have realized that it would take more than 24 hours for me to think things through and answer with yes, no or maybe. I had already decided not to get back together with this person, but his contact did provide me with much-needed closure. The breakup hurt me tremendously because this was a person who was very affectionate, very complimentary of me, very sweet, we had great times on our outings being playful, we were very funny with each other and legitimately had a good time. He introduced me to his 2 grown sons and to his mother. It seemed as if we were pretty solidly moving along. I have no desire to marry anyone or to live together with anyone, so there was no pressure on him at all. You mentioned his drinking; I can say that I never saw him get drunk when we were together on dates or at his house or he at mine. He might have 2 drinks with dinner and that was it. Then go home and there was no drinking at home. I don't really drink, except occasionally with spicy food. I did notice, though, that his mother drinks gin and apparently, so does he. I suspected that perhaps he might have been a drinker in the past, but that was just surmising on my part, putting together the history of his mother drinking hard liquor, his brother drinking a lot and also smoking pot as well as the brother's son (that's what he told me; I have no idea if it's true). Anyway, thanks for your insightful answer.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

I need your help to decipher his behavior of 2 messages Posted: 4/28/2009 7:40:42 AM
Mizbex, you use an attacking manner when replying to questions. You also do not answer the question asked. You pick on something that catches your attention and dagger into someone rather than trying to be helpful. When a person asks for help with something, the correct thing to do is to choose to help them with what they asked or not answer at all.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

I need your help to decipher his behavior of 2 messages Posted: 4/28/2009 6:25:47 AM
mizbex, it is the same man. I did not ask in this forum the question regarding the 2 weird messages from him to get criticism from you or anyone else regarding the "test." I asked about the 2 messages. It is the height of strangeness to not hear from a man for 5 solid months and then get a "let's reconcile" type of email and then 23 hours later get one that says "rescinding the message." That makes him sound as if he has extremely poor judgement in not realizing that 1) he said he didn't know what he wanted last year so that's why he was ready to go meet someone else, 2) now saying that he's learned a lot since that time, 3) changing his mind again. His actions say "I still don't know what I want." Regarding the test, however, I will say that in this day and age, with all of the STDs out there, including ones that kill, you darned well better know what the man you are sexually intimate with is up to. If the man is impotent and can't wear a condom because it falls off, you MUST be as sure as you can possibly be that he's not the type to be going off with whoever propositions or throws herself at him. And yes, YOU DO have a right to check up on a man. It's YOUR life, dear, that you're playing with - not just emotionally, but literally.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

I need your help to decipher his behavior of 2 messages Posted: 4/28/2009 12:56:37 AM
strawbs09, let's not get into the usual criticisms that occur in these forums so often. I asked for help deciphering why he would 1) write the email essentially opening up emotionally (which he obviously was not good at doing) and then 2) took it back. To answer your question why I'm wondering, it's because I'm one of those people who dissects and analyzes everything. It's how my mind works. Even if I have no interest in this person because I believe that he is emotionally unstable, at least he is behaving that way (flip-flopping all over the place, which is what he was doing while we were together, except that I dind't know that's what was going on in his mind), I still want to know the why of his contacting me and then 23 hours later taking it back.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

I need your help to decipher his behavior of 2 messages Posted: 4/28/2009 12:43:35 AM
ridemtonto, thanks. He's totally impotent. I couldn't ride him even if I wanted to. :)

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 33 (view)

Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man Posted: 4/28/2009 12:19:09 AM
Giving a man support, loyalty and sex are NOT going to keep him from cheating. I was with a man who was completely impotent (but had learned to compensate in other ways that were more than satisfactory), I was supportive, 100% loyal, and I was sexually intimate with him; since he couldn't do intercourse (even though I tried every trick in the book, and I'm good, darned, but nothing worked with that man), I gave him whole body massages, which he liked - literally JUST massages. We did make out a lot, because he liked that, and I do, too, so that was great. Anyway, my point is that if the man doesn't want to be with just one woman, or if he just plain likes to get attention from a lot of other women in order to feel good about imself, he is NOT going to be faithful even if you are beautiful, intelligent, funny, fun to be with, sexual, sensual, a good lover, supportive and loyal. So, just be yourself and don't turn yourself into a pretzel to make him happy. He won't eat the pretzel; he'll just taste it and then spit it out.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

I need your help to decipher his behavior of 2 messages Posted: 4/28/2009 12:09:42 AM
I really need your help to decipher the behavior of the man I was seeing last year. We met on Match.com. He said his wife had left him in Sept. 07 and the divorce was final in March 08. It is true that he was divorced, as I checked the public records on the Internet. We met at a restaurant and he called me the same night to leave a message that he had really liked me and that he wanted to get together the next week. He called to make those arrangements. We went out on the first date and kept dating for 4 months, seeing each other on the weekends (he lives 1 hour from me, 1 1/2 hours with traffic) and he works out of town 2 days per week. I had to break it off during the 2008 holidays because he was communicating with another woman online. He didn't know that the woman was a friend of mine who was checking him out for me. I decided that this was necessary because things seemed to be getting more "couply" and I was very afraid of allowing myself to feel more for him and to give him more trust if he was not a good guy; his behavior was concerning me and was at the root of my decision to "test" him; he had been pulling back somewhat, yet still wanting to see me and saying some things that were more meaningful than previously - in other words, mixed messages. I did have feelings for him, no doubt about that. I cared about him and I was there for him when he had a heart situation arise. I went to his house the same night that my girlfriend confirmed for me (I was at her place listening to the conversation) that he had, in fact, made a date to meet her in person. This was during a holiday weekend that we had planned to spend together, and just a few days before my birthday. Needless to say, he gave me some excuse as to why we wouldn't be spending the weekend together. I told him everything under the sky that I thought of him, but I did it in as classy a way as I could muster (I was severely hurt) without using any foul or improper language. Fast forward to today, 5 months later, and I receive a message at Match that he has missed me, he hasn't found anyone that makes him feel the way I did, that he thinks we had something special and he knows he messed it up, that he has learned a lot during this time apart, that he would like to try again and that he knows I had told him that I never go back with a man I break up with, but that he didn't know what he wanted at the time and had a weak moment. I received that email last night at 6 p.m. I did not call and I did not email back. Today at 5 p.m. I get another email rescinding the one from last night saying he wrote it under the influence of alcohol and didn't mean it and that he was sorry to have bothered me. How WEIRD is THAT?! This is a 53 year old man acting like this. I would appreciate your thoughts as to why he would wait 5 months to contact me, out of the blue, send me what amounts to a "let's get back together" email and then the very next day "take back" the message from the previous day.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 79 (view)

How Many Men Will Admit to Being Sexually Dysfunctional? Posted: 9/29/2008 11:00:49 PM
Since starting to date approx. 3 years ago after a divorce from a 25+ year marriage with a monogamous husband, I have dated mostly older men (62, 64, 71). These were impotent. However, that didn't deter them from fuking around on me, or better said, TRYING to fck around on me. I don't know that they were actually able to do the deed, but the point is that they were in bed with another woman/women engaged in intimate sexual activity, although perhaps they couldn't consummate intercourse. There was a 47-year-old who was also impotent. Now the 52 year-old is impotent as well. Only the 57-year-old could actually have normal intercourse. I can't believe that this keeps happening to me. I think I must be wearing some sort of sign that only they dan see saying: "Welcome, ye impotent men!"

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 60 (view)

Masturbating to porn, impotence, Viagra Posted: 9/29/2008 10:16:11 PM
PlasticSturgeon is absolutely correct that Viagra and its progeny only work if the man is stimulated. If he's not, it won't work. I don't understand why this man called me the very same night that we met to ask me out again and has kept calling and calling and calling. He has told me countless times that he really likes me and enjoys being with me. He's always physically affectionate and very warm. He likes to hug, kiss, caress, make out. We're always stuck to each other like glue, with him reaching out for me 80% of the time. He's always sighing deeply when we're close together. However, the first time we slept together (without sex, just sleeping together), he did mention that his penis was small and that he had difficulty sustaining an erection. I also suspect that because it's small, a normal-size vagina is not going to be able to provide sufficient friction, ESPECIALLY when the guy is used to masturbating frequently, meaning that he's used to a lot of pressure from his hand. If he's not attracted to me, it wouldn't bother me all that much. I'm very assured about myself in the physical and sexual area. I would just find it fascinating that he would want to be with me if he's not attracted to me. That would have to be some really twisted thing to purposefully go after women he's not attracted to. I don't think that's it, though. There's something else going on.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 71 (view)

Could he be sexually incapacitated or gay? Posted: 9/29/2008 12:50:11 AM
I think that Oceanstateguy2 has shared some possible issues for the man's behavior. It could be impotence, STD, etc. Or it might be nothing -- just that he's slow, shy, insecure, etc.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 70 (view)

Could he be sexually incapacitated or gay? Posted: 9/29/2008 12:47:36 AM
Daemon66, what...are you f'ing kidding? What moral and self-respecting woman is going to have sex with some man she doesn't even know as a human being. Don't you see anything wrong with this picture: Work/career related: I take my time finding a job; I check it out and check out the company and people I'll be working with. I want to make sure I don't make a mistake. Private life/sexual: I meet someone, I like them, I hop in bed with them. If you want sex without attachments or liking the person, the solution is: pay for a PROSTITUTE! That's what men had to do years back before the idiotic Women's Lib (liberation? I think not!) movement resulted in women becoming unpaid whores by giving up the cherry without any sort of plan from the man as to just what his intentions (yes, you read correctly: INTENTIONS) are. Enough said.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 69 (view)

Could he be sexually incapacitated or gay? Posted: 9/29/2008 12:42:58 AM
It could be any of the above or: - he's old-fashioned and is respectful - he's in love with someone else - he feels some sort of guilt about sexuality By the way, I have a girlfriend who went out with a 45 year old man for 2 months before he even kissed her. He warmed up physically. A month after that they had sex. Now they're having the best time ever physically and she said he's really good in bed. He just takes things slowly.

velvetvenus

Joined: 8/12/2008

Msg: 53 (view)

Masturbating to porn, impotence, Viagra Posted: 9/28/2008 7:24:34 PM
yngvey1, I did find out more about this man yesterday. We went on a lovely outing for several hours and then home. Again, he couldn't do it. He said he hadn't taken the Viagra. As I explained previously, he has a small penis. It's not pencil thin or extremely short, but is definitely shorter than what I've seen (and I have not been with anyone who had what I would consider a large penis) and the girdth (circumference) is definitely small. He can manage to go in the vagina, but he goes soft in there. I did ask him if he has masturbated for a long time and he said he's done it for years. According to him, the wife didn't want to have sex with him and hadn't in years. Of course, it could be that she didn't do it because he could have been on porn and she was disgusted by him. If that's what's going on, it's really a shame. He is very loving, affectionate, helpful, attentive, has a great sense of humor, and it's very easy to feel the wam fuzzies when I'm with him, although I have put a clamp on that as much as I can because I don't want to develop any further feelings for him just in case I need to end it. I asked him how many times he masturbates, where he does it and whether he has sensation in the scrotum and penis. Here is what he told me: -- He's been masturbating for many years, then he emphasized again MANY YEARS. -- He does it daily, sometimes twice a day. -- The porn on the computer (he said there are 3-minute videos or something like that) is about 5 times a week. -- As to where he does it, he said wherever he is when he feels the desire to do it. He said he has done it while having lunch parked somewhere, while he's been driving, usually at home, most of the time watching sex videos on the computer. -- As to sensitivity in the scrotum and penis when I touch him, he said that it feels like a light tickle. -- He said that the oral sex feels the same, which is odd, since that's my very special skill. Very importantly, he told me that he DOES orgasm and ejaculate to masturbation, but that it's not an explosive orgasm like women get - he said it's a quick release and it ends for him. Does any of this sound within the bounds of normalcy?

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