Second marriages, do they work? chat & forums.

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luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Second marriages, do they work? Posted: 11/16/2009 11:31:04 AM
I think it depends on whether or not you fix what went wrong in the first marriage. For some, it is as simple as making a better choice in partner, for others, there is a lot of stuff to work out before getting into another relationship. I liked the book Saving Your Second Marriage Before it Begins. Helped me work out some things, make sure I was ready to get into a second marriage, and whether my first marriage had totally and completely ended (emotionally speaking) I'm very hopeful for my second marriage. We "get" each other, and communicate really, really well, and we are both 100% devoted to spending the rest of our lives together. After my 1st marriage, I didn't even think I'd ever get married again. I wasn't interested, and was happy on my own. Then I met my fiance, and everything changed.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

8 month old up through the night again Posted: 11/14/2009 9:39:10 PM
I don't think he's getting enough sleep. Babies his age need more than 1.5 hours of napping during the day. It may be that if you leave him alone, he will settle himself back to sleep. At 8 months he should be able to sleep 8 hours without feeding. I like the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Mark Weissman (I think that's his name, it's been 8 years since I've read the book). He recommends crying it out, which i did with 2 of my 3 kids, but I understand not all parents like that method. It does do a very good job of explaining the sleep needs of babies though, and how to ensure they get more quality sleep. Good luck to you!

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 86 (view)

Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex? Posted: 11/13/2009 8:05:27 PM
^^^^ To Hob and 1kindman4u and all the others who have blasted me for my controlling behavior, please let me know what divorce school you went to, because I haven't taken the classes, and don't always know exactly how to behave in every situation. We've been split up for 18 months now, and honestly, I am flying by the seat of my pants most of the time. Our divorce is very amicable, and I have no other friends or family who have gone through a friendly divorce, so I don't know where to turn for advice. At first I felt like I was some sort of horrible woman after reading your responses, but I did learn from them, and now know how to better work within a divorced relationship. People say marriage takes work, but co-parenting with an ex takes work too! I do appreciate all the answers, even the negative ones; they all helped me re-examine my behavior and adjust accordingly. I also know it's so much fun to be mean spirited and lash out with ALL CAPS to get your POINT across like we forum members are COMPLETE idiots, but could you please remember that we are people too? 1kindman4u, I think you're a very intelligent man (I've really liked your stance on breastfeeding) but some of your good advice gets lost in the harsh delivery. I'd really like to learn more from you, but it's hard when you come accross so hostile and judgemental.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 76 (view)

Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex? Posted: 11/6/2009 4:16:53 PM
^^^^^^^ Very good point. As I've said before on this thread, I had not seen this as a control situation, and as I am not generally a controlling person, I had to step back and look at why I wanted to be in charge of this situation. (I've now realized it's because I don't like the way he celebrated Xmas as a kid, and I wanted the kids to have MY kind of Christmas, and I've totally come to terms with the fact that we are divorced, and the kids now have two families, and will have two types of celebrating) As far as the quick engagements, I am as suprised as anyone! There was no need to heal after our divorce or find ourselves, we had essentially been nothing but roommates for so long the actual split was freeing, and more like a weight lifted off us than anything to grieve. We've both been through counselling. We are good people, just not good together. We split in April, I met my partner online in June and he proposed to me this April (I thought it was a bit fast) and we're getting married in Feb. My ex met his partner here on POF in December, proposed to her two weeks ago and they will get married next Oct. We are both so happy for each other, and our friends and family are happy that we've found the right one after such a short time. We figure we deserve it after trying so hard to keep a family together for 10 years that was doomed from the very start.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 74 (view)

Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex? Posted: 11/6/2009 3:35:06 PM
Karmic - I was just being bratty. These guys were getting on my nerves and I had to let off a bit of steam! I'm just really surprised by how I'm perceived by men here on the forums, when it isnt at all the way men see me in real life. I've been told I'm optimistic, fun, and easygoing, but here I am bitter and controlling. I guess it's only because my post was a vent and written when I was knee-deep in the situation and thus quite worked up. You sound like a great woman, thanks for your contributions to this post.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 69 (view)

Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex? Posted: 11/6/2009 12:03:58 PM
Yes, 6 weeks before I met him. Not before we got engaged. Sheesh. The good women are snatched up fast! Seems the pessimistic, bitter, mean and full-of-themselves men take a great deal longer to find a girlfriend.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 67 (view)

Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex? Posted: 11/6/2009 11:26:29 AM
^^^^^^ I know I shouldn't keep responding to you but I can't help myself! I was on this free dating site for 6 weeks before finding my fiance, and have been just on the forums for the past year being entertained by jackasses like you. I've even learned a great deal from the nice people who offer good advice rather than accuse women of being bitter and controlling.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 64 (view)

Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex? Posted: 11/6/2009 7:38:30 AM
^^^^^ Are you kidding me? I had an ok marriage that lasted 10 years which we mutually decided to end. I have a misunderstanding about a holiday the 2nd time it's happened since our divorce. I am on friendly terms with my ex and am thrilled that he is getting married again and I think his new woman is terrific. Our three kids are thriving in a two -household home that is full of love and laughter. No, it's not all perfect, but we're doing the best we can. Now you are telling me that I am the kind of woman that most men would want to forget I ever existed? Good thing you are on a free dating site, because with your standards, you are going to be here a LONG time.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 61 (view)

Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex? Posted: 11/6/2009 7:15:21 AM
^^^^^^^ We did come to an agreement about the money, I just assumed I would buy the gifts as I had in years past. If he'd told me he was interested in shopping, I would have been happy to have him to half. We've been divorced for 18 months. Things are new, we're figuring things out. I'm sad for you men who are bashing me and calling me controlling. I'd a bet a million dollars if you called my ex-husband today he wouldn't say I was controlling, he'd say we had a misunderstanding, but all is well now. It's too bad you and your ex-wives couldn't figure out a way to keep things harmonious to benefit your children. (although it seems to me by your personalities on the forums that perhaps your ex's would like to forget you ever existed!)

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 38 (view)

Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex? Posted: 11/5/2009 6:41:37 PM
forget presents.. give love. It doesnt have a pricetag.. and it doesnt really cost anything My three kids are so loved by many people, most of all their Dad and me. We have behaved so well during our separation that we were invited to speak at a Parenting after Separation course. Everything we do is with the kids as our #1 priority. They are loved, and they get Christmas presents too! Lucky kids, huh?

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 35 (view)

Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex? Posted: 11/5/2009 6:35:28 PM
Thanks Karmic! I didn't want to get involved in defending my Christmas spending, because I'd never win that one! Most of my friends spend about $500 per child on xmas, and I think $200 from Santa plus a $50 gift from me is VERY reasonable! We do try not to be too materialistic, and my kids don't get gifts or toys other than Christmas and birthdays, so I do think Christmas is a time to splurge a little bit!

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 34 (view)

Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex? Posted: 11/5/2009 6:32:59 PM
^^^^^^^ 1kindman4u An interesting point of view, and one for me to consider. My ex-DH is a wonderful guy, very kind and caring, and a very good father. What he is lacking is a considerable amount of common sense, which made living with him very difficult. After 10 years of marriage where I controlled all the finances, did the taxes, took care of the home and needs of the children, I guess I am in the habit of wanting to keep control of things like Christmas. The thing is, these arent things I ever wanted to be in charge of. I had to do it or it wouldn't get done, or would get done incorrectly. He never complained because in all honesty, it is very difficult for him to argue with me, as I run cirlces around him with quick words. I take full responsibility for this...I am not a ****, but became one when I married the wrong man. He is not a spineless idiot, but became one when he married me! We are both finding our footing as single people, since we married at 19 and 20 years old, this is new territory for all of us and I'm trying to make it work as best as I can. (to answer your question: I initiated the divorce because I was tired and sad about living with a man I wasn't even friends with. Our marriage was just a facade of the perfect family, and we really didn't even like each other! It only lasted 10 years because we were so busy having and raising kids and hardly spent any time together) I spoke to him today, we had a great conversation where he explained how he felt, and we agreed to do completely separate Christmas gifts from now on. He has recently become engaged, and I think his fiance is wonderful, and she and I are working on forging a friendship because I think our communication styles might work a bit better together. I am also engaged to a fantastic man, and it has made my ex and I realize that we are both very good people, we just ended up making a bad choice (getting married because I was pregnant) which resulted in a marriage where we brought out the worst in each other.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex? Posted: 11/5/2009 6:13:44 PM
My opening statement: We agreed to do the same this year, and I suggested $100 each per child for $200 total per kid (we have 3 kids) and my ex agreed And then you said I wrote: "Agree to $100 per child" does read like you meant "$100 total per child" = a total to be split between the two of you = $50 you, $50 him -- as opposed to what would have been the the clearer statement of , "Agree to spend $100 each, per child" would have been. Maybe you and my ex-husband are related? Seems you can't read properly either.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 43 (view)

Single Parent and Racism (for the kids?) Posted: 11/5/2009 11:47:52 AM
Just keep fishing! I had never dated a non-caucasian, married a white man and have three white children. I was approached on a dating site by a black man, and we have fallen in love and are getting married. I am so thrilled to marry such a great guy and have him parent my children with me. The bonus is that I will be bringing the issues of racism, acceptance, and tolerance into my home and my caucasian children will experience the diversity of having a black father and mixed-race siblings. One of my good friends lost her husband in a car accident 6 years ago, when her babies were just 2 and 8 weeks old. After 2 years she started dating and is now engaged to a wonderful man who happens to be Chinese. Her family, like mine, will be blessed with the diversity. There is someone out there for you, and the fact that you are willing to build a relationship with a single mom says a lot about your character. You'll find someone who loves you for you, regardless of your race, and if you're lucky enough, you'll find a woman who finds your ethnicity to be a bonus!

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex? Posted: 11/5/2009 11:16:31 AM
^^^^^^ Of course he is free to spend whatever he wants, which is why we talked about and agreed upon a budget (in writing!) before I started Christmas shopping. To backtrack after I have purchased most of the gifts based on our agreed upon budget is what is pissing me off this morning. I have learned my lesson. If I am ever to buy anything jointly with him, I will get the money first before purchasing. I also know I have very little to complain about. He takes the kids when he says he will, and always pays child support on time, and does help me out here and there, which is all great. Thanks for your input.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex? Posted: 11/5/2009 10:46:35 AM
Thanks for all the replies. The misunderstanding about money was completely his error...the budget discussed via email, so it's there in black and white. He either didn't read it properly, or has now changed his mind on what to spend. We don't share custody of holidays, we spend them together, so Christmas morning will be the three kids, me, my ex and his new fiance. I have feelings about being like a third wheel in this new family, but I'm keeping my thoughts to myself and plan to have a good day. I think I am just going to suck it up, buy the gifts that I want to buy for the kids and give them from Santa. We have always behaved as if the divorce has nothing to do with the kids, and I think Christmas is no different. Eventually we will probably do separate Christmas and gifts, but as this is only our second Xmas apart, we are doing what we think is best. As for whether or not I know how much money he has, I do. I know exactly how much money he makes and what his expenses are. Since he is very house poor and bought at the height of the market with a high mortgage, I lower the child support payments by almost $300 each month so that he has some extra to have fun with the kids on weekends. He makes enough money that coming up with $300 in the next two months would not be a hardship for him, he is choosing not to spend as much on Christmas gifts.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex? Posted: 11/5/2009 8:04:50 AM
This is my second Xmas since our split. Last year we each bought the kids a gift, and split the cost of Santa gifts 50/50. We agreed to do the same this year, and I suggested $100 each per child for $200 total per kid (we have 3 kids) and my ex agreed. We chatted about a few ideas for our son, and I told him to let me know if he thought of anything for our daughters. Two weeks later, I send him an email to let him know where I'm at with the gifts. I've purchased a bit more than half of them, and told him he could pay me the $300 whenever he'd like, but sooner is better as I'd like to finish shopping by end of Nov. He responds with a nasty email asking me where I got the $100 each figure, as he thought we were splitting $100 each, and asked me why I was buying things without checking with him first. Then he told me he can only afford $50 per child. (this is not true. He pays $275 a month LESS than our mandated child support so he has money to do stuff with the kids. I could request it from him at any time, but choose not to so he's a bit more comfortable.) He just proposed to his girlfriend (whom I adore!) bought her a ring and put a deposit on a venue for a big wedding next October. I'm sorry if I don't feel bad for him that he doesn't have $300 to spend on Xmas gifts for the kids! I'm not sure what to do, whether we will do separate Santa gifts or not. Santa is very important in our family and traditions, and does the majority of the gift giving, so it isn't an option to cheap out on Santa this year and give more from me. How do you deal with these matters with your ex? Do you have any suggestions of how I should proceed? Thanks! (part of me thinks I should just suck it up and pay for 75% of the Santa gifts, since neither of us will get the credit for giving them, and in the end, the kids are getting the presents and will be happy. It just irks me that he wants to cheap out on Xmas, of all things!)

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Weight Loss Posted: 11/2/2009 9:41:02 PM
I can't message you as I am not male, but I would really like to see your website! Please send me a message!

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

What is sexy about FAT??? Posted: 10/30/2009 9:32:45 AM
I am very interested in the responses here. I am an fat woman, although I still have a good shape and my fat is evenly distributed, which I'm very grateful for! Since my divorce 18 months ago, I have met a few 'fat fetish' guys. One of them I had a short FWB relationship with, until he admitted (after being questioned) that he found me beautiful in a sexual way, but not in a girlfriend way. For him, the fat was a turn on, and I had to stop it right there, I just couldn't be someone's fetish. Another man who I am friends with and had a FWB relationship with LOVES big women, and as it turns out, I'm on the smaller side of what he's really into. He can't explain it, he just finds it sexy, erotic, and beautiful. He's even going to a BBW convention in vegas this year. He told me about one of the websites he goes to, and I was stunned by the size of women there. My fiance and I are long-distance, and fell in love with each other over the phone and email. After seeing my pics, he said I was beautiful, but would like me to be a few sizes smaller. After meeting me and falling in love with me though, he is very turned on my body and loves my body because he loves ME. I think I've hit the jackpot. I'd still like to lose weight, but not so I can fulfill his fantasy of the perfect body, but so I can be healthy and live a long life with him.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 125 (view)

Why did you get divorced? Posted: 10/27/2009 4:41:25 PM
I dont approve of your divorce. The problem should have been solved by better commuication. Your marriage would have been fired up in one way or the other. You're wrong. We communicated just fine. Do you not think through 10 years of marriage, 5 years of counselling, several marriage 'booster' courses we did not know how to communicate? There is no way to fire up a marriage that had no spark to start with. The decision was do we continue as-is, unhappy (which affects the children) or do we make a change and do the best thing for us, which leads to the children having a better life, and a better model to make a good choice for partners themselves? I do hope that when you get married, you make the right choice and live a happy life together.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 122 (view)

Why did you get divorced? Posted: 10/27/2009 11:55:26 AM
You are the kind of chicks I dread to meet. Who will leave me after 10+ yrs because they are bored. Simple, lets look for excitement. Why would you leave someone because you had a dream that you are divorced. Surely, I have had dreams of close relatives dying but would never wish to lose them I don't think that's a fair assessment of me. Both of us were in the same position. Our marriage only survived because he worked 3-midnight and so we were never together. On the weekends, I got a second job so that I could be away from the house and he did things with the kids. I was not looking for excitement at all, I was looking for a friend, for companionship. In fact, I just felt I was better off alone than trying to pretend to be happy. I was completely miserable. Felt trapped by the decision I made when I was 19 and didn't know any better. My mom and sisters later told me that they knew I shouldn't have married him and I would be unhappy. I wish they'd told me before I married him! I could have given the baby up for adoption, or been a good single mom. As far as the dream goes...through my job I earned a cruise. My husband and I went, and it was the first time in 10 years we'd been alone. It was torture. We had nothing to talk about the entire time. It was very eye opening, but even still, I never contemplated divorce. The dream was the first time I actually saw divorce as an option. I had been in some form of marital/individual counselling on and off for 5 years, and because I truly wanted my marriage to work, the option never came up. More than anything in this world I wish my husband and I could have been at least a little bit compatible and stayed together as a family. I'm happy with my decision, he is happy we've divorced, and the kids are absolutely thriving. It is not divorce that damages children so much as how the parents behave after divorce, and we have been exceptional. I just couldn't live the rest of my life like that, so unhappy and feeling so hopeless that anything would ever get better. Eventually, I probably would have had an affair. Isn't it better that we ended it amicably, rather than waiting for it to fall apart, which it naturally would have?

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 120 (view)

Why did you get divorced? Posted: 10/27/2009 11:06:35 AM
We met when I was 18, he was 20. We had sex 2 weeks after starting to date, and I got pregnant the first time. Being both Catholic, and with disapproving families, we decided to get married. We then had 2 more children in the next 5 years. I knew he wasn't the one for me, but my 19 year old 'maturity' level felt that it was okay, and that I could sacrifice my needs in order to have a good family for my children. 10 years later, I had a dream that I got divorced. I woke up in the morning happier than I had ever been. I realized that even though he is a great guy, and wonderful dad, I didn't have to live for the rest of my life married to someone who I wouldn't even be friends with if we'd met now. You know how a lot of people say, the love is gone, the passion is gone, we're just friends? Well, we weren't friends, and realized we had absolutely no foundation for our marriage, and had just got along for 10 years by being busy with the kids and doing everything we could not to have to be alone together. I told him I wanted a divorce 3 months after the dream. He was upset, but more upset about the split of the family than not being with me. We've been separated now for just 18 months and divorced for 5, yet have both found 'the one' for us. Amazing how fast it happened, but I figured we were owed it, for putting 10 years into raising these great children. I am getting married in February, and he just proposed to his girlfriend last weekend, they'll get married next October. Our three kids are doing great. We live a 5 minute walk from each other and the kids are with him on the weekends. We talk or email almost every day about the kids, and are both genuinely happy for each other. Since there was no love in our marriage, we ended it without any anger. I hope people don't think I'm selfish for ending a marriage that had no fighting, no abuse, no addictions. It was just a marraige that didn't have any love or friendship either.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

food off my plate is better, why? Posted: 10/22/2009 6:06:31 PM
Kids are funny. For almost a year, my daughter (3 at the time) would only eat if I cut her food into bite sized chunks and put a toothpick in each, or small servings put in paper muffin cups. Why?? Because she said it was like a sample at Costco! Around the same time she would only go to the bathroom before getting in the car if her dad and I had a bet about whether she had to pee or not. She loved going to the bathroom and telling us which one of us "won" the bet. It's a phase, it will end, so for now - I guess he eats off your plate! If it drives you crazy, buy him a special plate of his own and see if that helps.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 569 (view)

do guys like the smell of a woman's natural vagina? Posted: 10/9/2009 10:30:07 AM
Something that I never see discussed is the amount of water a woman drinks and how it affects the smell and taste of her secretions. Same for men and the taste of their semen. A healthy woman who is well hydrated will be more pleasant smelling than a woman who doesn't drink very much water. This is one of the reasons I drink 4L of water a day! LOL!

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

How long to keep it in My Pants? Posted: 10/8/2009 6:43:07 AM
BTW.. it's only the first 2-3" of a vagina that matters. That's where the majority of the nerves are situated. I've always wondered about this, because it doesn't seem to make much sense to me. I can feel much more than 2-3" inside my vagina. Even if this was true, wouldn't a longer penis be better as you'd have more surface area friction on each stroke? Then I read nappykat's post, and read something I already knew, but now it made sense... But when aroused, these same vaginas can lengthen (meaning the cervix moves further back) and deepen (get wider) I'm pretty sure when they check the anatomy, the woman is not particulary turned on, so wouldn't it make sense that those 2-3" of nerve endings actually stretch to 6-7" when the woman is aroused? To the OP: Sorry about your experience. Do you know if your date was looking for a long-term relationship or just a sexual relationship? Perhaps if it was only a sexual relationship she was looking for, size matters to her more than some other women. The other posters had good advice though.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Do you discuss your views on abortion when going into a sexual relationship? Posted: 10/2/2009 8:03:31 AM
systematika ^^^^^^^ Will you marry me? I want to have your babies. (although my one addition to your list above is that our children must have tons of REAL books to read, not just ebooks. It's not much fun to read a child a book from a computer, nor it it fun to enjoy a hot bath with your favourite e-novel) Oh, and if we can afford it, can they have new clothes more often than every 6 months? :)

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Swimming Lessons Posted: 9/28/2009 7:42:58 AM
OP...I get you. Yes, you'll probably be bored. There will be singing and floating and possibly some bubble blowing. Personally, I think these classes are a waste of money. Spend less and just take your baby swimming. The baby gymnastics classes crack me up too. The parents spend the entire 45 min running around after their toddler, and they are paying $10 a class for it. Just go to the playground! I live in a high socio-economic city where most parents over-schedule their kids. From birth, these kids are in classes 3 or 4 times a week. Don't get me wrong, I like extra-curriculars, I have my kids in bowling and hockey and choir, but I think it's silly to spend the money on babies. The only good thing I ever found to come out of these parented-classes was meeting other parents. I developed some good friendships.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Try again? Posted: 9/25/2009 11:52:44 AM
First off - good for you for trying to enhance your relationship! 'Spice' does not have to mean playing with food though...have you tried role play? Pretending you're strangers, somthing like that. Heck, even pretending you're on vacation can help spice things up! What about doing it in a different room of the house? On the couch, or on the floor, or on the kitchen table? Try going out for dinner and then making out in the car like you're teenagers. I hope you'll get some good ideas!

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

What would you think? Posted: 9/23/2009 8:18:22 AM
MFM threesome is one of my biggest fantasies as well. When I told my boyfriend this (we were very serious at the time) he told me if I wanted to do it, I should go do it with two other guys and never tell him about it. He wanted me to 'get it out of my system' so that it wouldn't be something I'd want to do once we were married. He also wanted no part of it, as there is no way he could watch another man touch me without wanting to tear the guy apart. After a few minutes of consideration, I decided not to do it. The fantasy of it is a huge turn on to me, and I really believe that it wouldn't live up to the fantasy. So for me, that's where it will stay. Now, if human cloning is ever possible, you betcha I'd want a clone of my fiance and we'd be having a threesome! That's my long winded way of saying, don't do it.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Day care Posted: 9/15/2009 7:52:31 PM
I've been running a home daycare for the past 9 years. (we call it a private Dayhome here in Alberta) I've been able to make a fabulous tax-free income while staying home and raising my children. If you can find the right caregiver, a dayhome is probably the best place for your little one. There are low ratios, no change in caregivers, home atmosphere, varied ages in playmates (which is important to their development!) Message me if you'd like more information, and some ideas on what to ask and look for at interviews. I'm amazed by how many parents spend just 30 minutes with me and trust me to look after their child. I mean, I know I'm an awesome, loving caregiver, but they don't know that after only 30 min! Good luck!

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 44 (view)

Has anyone ever made their own dildo from a molding kit? Posted: 9/14/2009 6:15:46 AM
What does he use for a replacement for yours? I'm sure he would tell you that my **** is irreplaceable, and for the time being his hand is filling in for me. I next see him Oct 10, so the countdown is on. Amazing sex in 26 days...

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Trying to stop breastfeeding...Any tips? Posted: 9/12/2009 7:53:52 PM
I encouraged it and helped her all along the way for close to 2 years of breastfeeding/pumping for each kid. I love men like you!! My friend wanted to stop nursing her 3 month old and her husband told her that she couldn't. He said he had a right to decide what his child was fed. He supported her fully, got over the difficult spot, and she nursed for 18 months. My first was breastfed-by-bottle for 12 months. (she had muscle issues and couldnt' latch, so I pumped), my 2nd for 18 months, when I got pregnant with #3 and was too sick to continue, and until my third child was 2.5. Early on in my relationship with my fiance we spoke about children and family. I asked him if he was supportive of my choice to homebirth and extended breastfeeding. I was thrilled to find out he was, and he's been very interested in hearing all about my experiences.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Trying to stop breastfeeding...Any tips? Posted: 9/12/2009 7:48:05 PM
My tip is to NOT STOP! Your daughter will adjust her intake accordingly, and nurse in the evening and the morning. Your body will quickly adjust and you won't produce as much milk during the day. There are MASSIVE advantages to nursing your child past 1 year. A huge amount of immunities are present in breastmilk between 12 and 18 months. Even though you'll be away from her during the day, you'll have wonderful time together nursing in the evenings. I'm very proud of you for EBFing for 7 months. I was a young mom too (19) and I don't know many other young moms who were that dedicated. Nursing was one of the best parts of having a baby. If you have any questions, feel free to message me.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

I wish I had... Posted: 9/12/2009 7:44:56 PM
Asked all my family to write her a letter about their hopes and dreams for her. I tried to get my family to do this, and only my dad and my brother did it. 10 years later, and a year after her grandfather passed away, that letter from her grandfather to his one year old granddaughter is precious indeed. Make sure she gets to play with the icing on her cake too! Happy birthday to her, and Happy 1st Anniversary of being a mom!

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 39 (view)

Has anyone ever made their own dildo from a molding kit? Posted: 9/12/2009 9:33:04 AM
^^^^FYI The clone a willy dot com site sells cloning kits in light flesh tone and dark flesh tone, glow-in-the-dark, chocolate molding kit, as well as a soap-on-a-rope!!

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Ive got big balls! Posted: 9/12/2009 9:30:59 AM
I definitely pay attention, but would have a hard time explaining exactly what I like. Thinking back on the men I've been with, two stand out for me as having un-attractive balls. One guy had super, super tiny testicles, and the other had really low hanging ones that slapped around all the time. I've never really thought about it in detail, but I guess I do really like a nice sized pair of testicles in a fairly secure sac. However, it's certainly not a deal-breaker for me if they aren't perfect. The penis is much more important!

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Has anyone ever made their own dildo from a molding kit? Posted: 9/11/2009 1:32:04 PM
Thanks for all the responses. I found some reviews on a sex toy website which says this kit is great and makes an exact replica in rubber. It doesn't use plaster, it uses a molding gel which sets after just 60 sec, so he doesn't have to stay hard too long. For those of you who think it's ridiculous, it's hard to be apart from the person you love for long periods. We only get to see each other for a week every three months, although we do like to 'play' on the webcam, and the thought have having a replica of 'him' while we play turns both of us on. Trust me, I'd rather be having sex with him. Until this relationship I hadn't gone more than 3 weeks of the past 15 years without having sex. I miss it terribly.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Has anyone ever made their own dildo from a molding kit? Posted: 9/11/2009 10:59:44 AM
I'd like to do this with my fiance who is overseas. I was wondering if anyone has any experience as to which kits work well. We are leaning towards the Clone A Willy kit, mostly because it has good reviews and comes in a dark flesh tone. I'd appreciate any advice or tips!

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

Oral Whores Posted: 9/9/2009 12:23:42 PM
At least a woman can't get pregnant that way!

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 140 (view)

Opinion on Female Tattoos - Lower Back! Posted: 9/9/2009 12:12:07 PM
I thought lower back tattoos were called 'pull-out targets' My biggest parenting decision at the moment is whether or not to buy my 11 year old daughter a bra. She has NO development yet, not even puffy nipples. I told her we could get a training bra, but she wants something padded with underwire! (she weighs 65lbs, and can fit in size 6 clothes) I told her no way. Training bra or nothing. Lord help me in three years if she comes asking for a tattoo...

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Your Aunt is not my Sister Posted: 9/9/2009 9:28:40 AM
It's not usual among my group of friends for our children to call each other Aunt or Auntie. I tried with the whole Mrs thing for several years but gave up because no one else was doing it. When I met my fiance's family last year, the nieces and nephews called me Auntie. I thought perhaps he had already told them he wanted to marry me (this was early on in our relationship), before realizing in the African community it is a sign of respect. Threw me for a loop at first! I run a home daycare, and one of the parents calls me Aunty Laura when talking to the 2 year old about me. I don't really like it, but I figure it's their right to have their child call me whatever they want. When I tried the Mrs thing a few years ago, I would say "Say Hi To Mrs. So and So" and my friend might have said "No, call me Cathy" to which I told my friend Cathy that it's my decision how my children address her. Here's a side question: Is it up to the parent to determine how their children address other adults, or up to the adult who is being addressed?

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

Wording Posted: 9/9/2009 9:20:18 AM
It seems to me the proposal is accurate: She wanted to **** around with another guy, and you didn't want her to. Sounds like an irreconcilable difference to me.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 59 (view)

I can't hear you guys. Posted: 9/6/2009 9:43:24 PM
I have been with enough men to have a pretty good sample, and I have to say that I do not remember a single one being silent. Moans, groans, sighs, telling me they like it, grunts, and the occasional F&CK! as they are cumming. If the OP found that 70% of men are silent, and in my sampling I have found that 0% of men are quiet, my scientific conclusion is that I must be pretty damn good in bed!

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

What do you teach your kids about relationships? Posted: 9/6/2009 9:34:11 PM
My kids are still pretty young (11, 8 and 6) and have experienced a loving family for most of their lives, and a very amicable divorce over the past 18 months. I am now engaged to a wonderful man, and their dad (who is a great guy himself) is in a great relationship and told me he plans to propose soon. What I have touched on briefly with my kids and will explain more as they are older is that it is extremely important to make the right choice in a long-term (hopefully lifelong) partner. My ex and I were 19 and 21 when we got pregnant and married, and I was not mature enough, nor did I know myself well enough to make the choice that he was not the right guy for me. He was loving, generous and kind, but we did not click at all. I will teach my kids to take their time and date a LOT of people before settling down with the right one. I still believe in the institution of marriage, even though my first marriage failed. I hope they will learn from my example. Also, with their father and me moving on quite quickly and getting into new marriages, I hope we can both be examples of good relationships. Most importantly for my kids though is to see that the relationship between their dad and me is still good.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

single parents Posted: 9/4/2009 6:26:07 PM
I hope POF will create a "Perfect People" forum so Shaniqua777 has somewhere she can fit in, instead of looking like a complete idiot everytime she posts. She loves to find the trolls, which makes me laugh because her username is trollish to me...everytime any of my friends and I want to say a random black woman's name, we come up with Shaniqua! To the OP...you're dating the wrong men. Eventually someone will come along who appreciates you and your children.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Child being tongue tied Posted: 9/2/2009 1:38:50 PM
Are you breastfeeding? (i know it can be very difficult with tongue-tie) If you are, just nurse him right after. He will be soothed and and the antibodies in the milk will help heal it. If you aren't nursing, just cuddle and soothe as best you can afterwards. He will likely cry for a minute or two. It WILL hurt him, but just a pinch, like having your ear pierced or something. Obviously it has to be done, you don't want it to affect his eating or speech. Let us know how it goes!

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

Am I being selfish... Posted: 9/2/2009 8:00:38 AM
Selfish is continuing this relationship knowing that he wants to have children of his own. He still thinks he can change your mind, and if you know for sure that you will never have a another child, you should let him move on. I also think 26 with a 2 and a 4 year old is too soon to make a permanent decision. I came out of my 10 year marriage totally done with having babies. (mine were 10, 7 and 5) Lo and behold, I met the man of my dreams, and now I can't wait to make babies with him! I guess you never know.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 42 (view)

That's..... Posted: 9/1/2009 2:52:14 PM
I like role playing - the baby thing...it's a fetish that I don't share. The best role playing is when it isn't planned at all, or just one partner plans it and the other is suprised. For example, on a recent mini-holiday, my guy and I went to see a movie. As we were walking out of the cinema, I said something like "Hi, how are you? I've never been to this cinema before, have you?" he immediately caught on that I was pretending not to know him. We walked outside and chatted like strangers. I said I was a lonely woman in town on business and I'd had too much to drink and wasn't sure where my hotel was. He played the 'local' quite well, and offered to walk me there, then up to my room...we ****ed like we didn't even know each other's names. It was a TON of fun. We've also played that he is a friend of my teenage sons (I don't have a teenage son, my kids are little) and he comes looking for his friend. He calls me Mrs. so and so and I give him lemonade and cookies and give him his 'first' sexual experience. (That one is fun because it's all about me...touch here, do you like that? Why don't you taste it? Yes...lick a little faster Johnny) The only thing is that my guy loves spontenaity, and I don't think he'd want to do the same role-play twice, so we will have to get creative as we plan to be together for the rest of our lives. (well, perhaps he'd be willing to do the Mrs Robinson one again...it was really good...)

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 38 (view)

Single Moms in this economy? How are you doing it? Tips to share? Posted: 8/30/2009 11:11:57 AM
I've chosen not to work outside the home, so I do not have to pay any childcare costs (as well as wanting to be home with the kids!) I run a private home daycare. I care for 5 children, and with rates between $500 per month for part-time and $900 per month for full time, I am able to generate an income of around $3600 per month. As I have my own business, I am able to take advantage of serious tax deductions, and pay no tax on my income. The upside to this is that my income on paper looks very low, so I do receive $700 per month in Child Tax Benefits from the Canadian government. The downside is that in order to provide a nice home for my three kids as well as the 5 little ones I care for, the rent is $1800 per month. My ex also pays child support for the three kids. My income is good, but I do try to live frugally. My grocery bill is fairly high, as I'm shopping for one adult and 8 children. My cost cutting tips are that I only shop every 2 weeks. A few years ago I invested in Fridgesmart containers from Tupperware. Probably cost me $150 at the time, but the produce lasts for weeks, so I have saved a TON of money on not throwing out rotten fruits and vegetables. The kids don't drink any juice or soft drinks, just milk at one meal and water for the rest of the day. I make several 'convenience' foods, such as instant oatmeal. Also invested in small tupperware cups and make my own pudding cups etc. for school lunches. We eat a couple meatless dinners a week. I buy most of their clothes at The Children's Place outlet, where I can find jeans for $10 and shirts for $2 each. I really don't have time to shop thrift stores or consignment, and find that I can buy new clothes for approximately the same price. Garage sales are also a great place. I hit the motherload last week and found someone selling girls jeans in a size 12 slim that have been hemmed to fit my daughter perfectly! Got some Old Navy, Gap and Bongo jeans for $3 per pair. I bought 4 pairs of the bigger size too, for next year. T-shirts from Gap and FCUK were $1 each. Broke down and bought some books for $.25, even though we are weekly library users. Speaking of the library, I borrow DVDs from there, rather than renting them. Probably saves us $20 to $30 per month. Even more as I used to buy the darn things at $20 each. I don't drive very much, we try to walk as much as possible. Because of my in-home business, I don't have to commute, and have put only 10,000kms on my new van in a year. We usually have birthday parties at home rather than pay $200+ like most of the kids friends who have parties outside the home. We've thrown some pretty awesome parties too! I don't go crazy for the kids' birthday gifts, they get about $60 or $70 worth of presents, total. I do save big gifts for Xmas. I make or bake all my christmas gifts for family and friends. I hope this gives you a few ideas! If I have time later I'll post some more.

luv2drinkchai

Joined: 8/15/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

have a sex problem Posted: 8/28/2009 5:47:13 PM
Of course relationships aren't supposed to be all about sex, however: When both partners are sexually compatible, sex is about 10% of the relationship. When partners are not sexually compatible, sex is about 90% of the relationship. If you are not happy and she is not willing to change her sexual style at all, I think you are in for a lifetime of unhappiness.

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