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Thread: How Slow Is Slow Enough.

Joined: 8/23/2008

Msg: 63 (view)

How Slow Is Slow Enough. Posted: 9/24/2009 5:20:09 AM
The person to ask about the appropriate speed is the person who is telling you to change it. The answer is going to be different for every individual. If you have to go slower than you would like, enjoy the journey ....

Joined: 8/23/2008

Msg: 39 (view)

Do you think your little things tolerance has decreased or increased with age? Posted: 9/24/2009 5:12:29 AM
Whoa, I am feeling chastised with all the comments about knuckle cracking. I do that. So noted! In the meantime, when I was younger I had very few boundaries and tolerated too much in the name of love. Now, I know that there are somethings that are not okay no matter what, some things that are not okay for me, and some things that are just annoying. The first two on that list get someone the heave ho, but the annoying stuff .... it depends on what it is. The things that are annoying to me are things like verbal tics, lying, lack of confidence, lying, predjudice, lying, arrogance, lying ... and did I mention lying?

Joined: 8/23/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him? Posted: 9/24/2009 4:52:50 AM
This has started an interesting conversation! I agree that your question begs for a magic number, which can be problematic since money doesn't spend as far in some locations as it does in others. However, while I don't agree that women (meaning me) are looking for men to financially provide, I am looking for provision of comfort and a lack of provision of worry. Give me a hug and be financially sound and life will be wonderful!

Joined: 8/23/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

What are Women Taking for Sex ! Posted: 9/10/2008 4:12:25 AM
Nah, women can have pretty great sex without any enhancements. Like guys, we like sex... and at the age your partner was she didn't have to worry about getting pregnant, which I would think is attractive for casual sex. Life is good .. don't ask questions! :-)

Joined: 8/23/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Define Love at this stage Posted: 9/6/2008 6:20:15 AM
"at this stage" - is love supposed to change over time? I think you will find a definition of love for each person who lives and each love poem ever written. For me, love is about constancy and intimacy. Love never fails, but people can. What do we do after that failure helps define love to me. It is interesting that one of my former pastors used to find a way to say at least once a month that the important four letter word in marriage isn't "love" but "work". I agree with that. Love isn't a static thing that HAPPENS TO us, but a verb that we share with others and experience in a dynamic way. One of the things I find most attractive about love is that being in it doesn't require me or my loved one to be perfect and love isn't perfect. Each day is a new adventure that we can choose to embark on and can choose to build with (or not).

Joined: 8/23/2008

Msg: 39 (view)

I think I now understand why you are divorced. Posted: 9/6/2008 6:15:52 AM
Its not our job to correct the behavior of others. I'm not looking for a fixer upper guy .. I'm looking for the imperfect guy (we're all imperfect) that I can't imagine my life without. That's the bottomline.

Joined: 8/23/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

We're the grown ups - where do we turn? Posted: 9/6/2008 6:12:28 AM
Oh no, there is no need to not have means to celebrate, commisserate, etc and definitely no need to not be connected. If you feel alone, get out of the house and connect with nature and people!

Joined: 8/23/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

Afraid of regaining the weight? Posted: 9/6/2008 6:04:12 AM
Oh Fred, you don't really believe that there is no behavior modification involved in being a weight loss surgery patient .. truly? Let me tell you, as a weight loss surgery patient, the surgery helped with losing some of the weight, but it is also a tool to teach me. Gastric bypass creates an environment where the desire to eat or chew can't be done because of the sheer smallness of the stomach, so other methods of dealing with that "head hunger" have to be found. I have been told I am much more assertive and, fortunately, not in a b*tchy way. Also, the changes involved make the person who has had the surgery have severe physical reactions to ingredients like sugar and fats. It's not pretty and is physically miserable. trust me, sugar and fatty foods have lost their appeal. Eventually the pouch exit stretches so some more foods can be eaten, if desired, and eventually sugars and fatty foods can be tolerated better. But why? The idea is that aside from rapid weight loss (which for me was necessary to regain significant health), the mind has been retrained to not crave eating in stress or bad times or celebrations and to not desire sugars and fatty foods, but the more balanced diet that has been learned. Does this work well for everyone? not necessarily. Do all gastric bypass patients become skinny? No. Actually "success" by surgeons is defined as 50% of excess weight lost. Which means most patients BMI winds up being in the upper 20's or lower 30's. In my case, counseling to think about my choices and behaviors has been as much a part, if not more so, of my success so far (90 pounds in 6 months) and I count on these lessons learned to sustain future success and maintenance in the future. I count on them much more than the biology of the surgery, but it is true that I needed the surgery help. I've also had cancer taken out of me. That didn't make me weak. So how would gaining control over my biological predisposition and behavior make me less than? Sorry this is long. Guess I see an opportunity for education. If you have questions, contact me. Janice

Joined: 8/23/2008

Msg: 37 (view)

Why are women so serious. Posted: 9/6/2008 5:53:50 AM
Seems to me that there are serious men and women on this site. There are so many people and so many possibilities, I figure I am doing me and guys a favor by being specific about what is and isn't okay. That's being thoughtful and careful ... not serious ... besides knowing what you what doesn't equate to being inflexible or unable to tell a joke. J

Joined: 8/23/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Women who don't want children? Posted: 9/4/2008 3:51:10 AM
Who knows? I'm sure there are women in their 20's who don't want children. But at the same time, you may want to consider that you might change your mind ... and so might the women who say right now they want children. The world is your oyster ... see what comes. J

Joined: 8/23/2008

Msg: 64 (view)

What do you do When No One can See or Hear you? Posted: 9/4/2008 3:34:56 AM
Nice question! Generally, I spend my alone time writing or singing. Sometimes though, I go for a walk in the woods or really get lazy and watch Law and Order. My preferred dress for lazy alone days is my jammies. There's something decadent and relaxing about not getting dressed dressed. Janice

Joined: 8/23/2008

Msg: 37 (view)

What is with the must not be married ??? Posted: 9/1/2008 7:38:51 PM
I don't know how many guys are out there married and looking for a booty call, but there are many people out there who are separated and looking. I understand that their thought is their marriage is over in the heart and head so why not look, but my personal philosophy is that a man I am going to spend some time with needs to be divorced for at least a year or never married or widowed for at least a year .... people need to heal before they get involved again. J

Joined: 8/23/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Risk Posted: 9/1/2008 7:36:03 PM
It seems to me that you are suggesting that we all seize the day .. and that is a great message. I have problems with your post because 1) I don't really consider Labor Day a huge holiday that should be spent with a significant other and 2) I'm not willing to hop up and seize the day with someone who doesn't make sense to me. Being alone is preferable to being with the wrong person. I don't want to be with someone when the right someone comes along. That said, there is nothing wrong with reaching out to others to make friends and enjoy chattering. We could make this space and the world a better place by being friendly overall. Who knows, in that process, we may come upon the person we are meant to be with. Know what I mean? Hang in there!

Joined: 8/23/2008

Msg: 213 (view)

Would you open you marriage to save it? Posted: 9/1/2008 7:31:43 PM
This may work for them. None of us knows what happens in other people's marriages. But my experience includes an open marriage and it wasn't a good thing. In the end, it hastened the end of our relationship and created some serious issues for both of us individually. Even with strict rules, this idea has some serious practical and emotional land mines.

Joined: 8/23/2008

Msg: 329 (view)

I feel bad when I judge people on their weight.. Posted: 9/1/2008 7:28:39 PM
Oh dear .... I spent much of my adult life being morbidly obese. While I am no supermodel now, I am much thinner and healthier. It always bothered me that so many men didn't see past my weight and looks. And now it bothers me that men look at me and sometimes like my looks. Can't please me! But the truth of the matter is that we all have certain attributes we are attracted to. For every man who likes hip bones that stick out, there is another man who likes big butts. Personally, I don't like supremely thin men and couldn't care less about hair, but would really like someone with brown eyes. Are those desires a deal breaker? Not really .. they just are. Hopefully, all of us can look beyond whether or not a person fits our "type" long enough to see if we like them for who they ARE, not what they look like. Know what I mean? Janice

Joined: 8/23/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Lookin for improvement in my wirting? Posted: 9/1/2008 7:16:27 PM
Hey Adam, I like the enthusiasm in your comments to women. It's hard to write someone based just on their profiles. Personally, it would be nice if an initial email was responded to, period, even if that reply is "don't write me again". At least then you know where you sit. But I think both guys and women have a problem with acknowledging that someone took that chance on them. If they don't reply, how much have you lost? A relationship with someone who doesn't communicate well? Not much missing there. But you may want to ask a question or two in your replies to encourage a response ... just a thought. Hope you find someone to snuggle with before that Buffalo winter kicks in! Janice

Joined: 8/23/2008

Msg: 108 (view)

How do men feel about women with silver hair? Posted: 8/30/2008 6:03:35 AM
Oh, goodness. I've had silver hair (and it truly is silver) since I was 20. I will grant that I didn't stop coloring it until I was 40, but that decision had more to do with wanting to be real about who I am. My hair is a beautiful color and it suits me wonderfully. Interestingly enough, in honoring who I really am (ie my hair color is real), I take BETTER care of myself and have certainly not "let myself go". I'm not sure what is retiring and ancient about enjoying the children and grandchildren in one's life, nor in feeling comfortable with one's age. As someone whose relatives are competing in triathalons at 60 and joining me at the beach and on hikes when they are in their 70's and 80's, I don't see accepting that we are aging as a sign that we are sitting on the couch watching tv and taking naps in the afternoon. Help me understand your logic, please. MK

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