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lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

8 month old up through the night again Posted: 11/15/2009 2:06:15 PM
UGH, it's no suprise to me why some infants "mysteriously" die with such bad advice some people give. If you want a sick or a dead child, when he wakes up at night, just leave him in his crib screaming his head off FOR OVER AN HOUR. Yeah, he'll eventually not respond to you. Yeah, he'll eventually stop signaling his needs to you. Keep going and you could even end up with another Genie(a "feral" child). --- OP, Around 8 months - a year, it's normal for children to have a separation anxiety. It's also a common time for night terrors to start. 8 month olds certainly don't need to be programmed to never wake up during the night or never to cry. All you can really do is to try to find out if there's another problem causing him to wake up that needs to be addressed... and if not(and probably not), try to get him back to bed as calmly as possible. There can be a medical condition that's causing this (like acid reflux)... but it doesn't sound like it. Most babies that age, I think, take two naps during the day. Does he act upset or sleepy anytime during the day? You could try to get him to take another nap and see if that helps. What all is he eating during the day? I don't know much about formula feeding, but is a possibility he's comfort sucking? Have you given him pacifiers? If so, you could see if he'd take one instead of a bottle at night. If not, I know the way a breastfeeding baby sucks is different when they are sucking for comfort(they're not extracting as much milk) and I imagine it'd be the same for a formula fed baby. Is he wet when he wakes up? When you change him, keep the lights dim and the atmosophere where it will be easier to get him back to sleep. Avoid disturbances as much as possible. Rock him or pat him on the back to ease him into going back to sleep. Honestly, though, to me, it sounds like he's just wanting to suck or he's hungry. That's okay. Address his need. Then get him back to sleep. You're a parent; that's your job. Don't ignore him.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Embarrassing moments brought to you by your kids Posted: 11/14/2009 12:11:38 AM
My son has done the "momma! boobies! tugs at shirt pulls shirt down" thing before. It's not embarrassing to me, though. Even today(err, yesterday?) when we got groceries, I stopped and sat down to nurse him and he looked up and said "yummmy, momma!" What IS embarrassing, though, is him trying to nurse from a stranger in a store. lol. We were in Kohls the other day and this woman- probably in her 30s- had a low cut shirt on and big breasts... she was leaning down to get something and my son ran straight up to her yelling "boobies!!!! ahhhh(mouth wide open)" like he does me sometimes. Wow. I quickly apologized, she laughed, I picked him up and we left. lol.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Tips and Tricks of the Trade Posted: 11/13/2009 11:39:43 PM
Laundry is easy for me. I learned how to take that one out in college. I set one night aside for laundry night. Pile the clothes and towels and wash cloths in the hamper all week. Hampers get taking the laundry room once a day, emptied, sorted and brought back. Then on laundry night everything's ready to go. I can get like 4 loads of clothes done in a night. I usually start around 8 and get done around 12ish or sometimes 1. Which... doesn't bother me because I stay up that late anyway... especially on laundry night. It's easier to wait until the last load to do jeans and towels because they take longer to dry so you don't have a waiting time. I don't get backed up drying that much... and I go ahead and put another load in the washer after I put the previous one in the dryer. If the ones in the dryer aren't finished, I'll take the pieces in the dryer that are done out and add the new ones. It doesn't seem to be a problem for me. I put them in, set a timer or alarm in the room I'm in to remember to change them(it's not needed anymore, I have it down lol) and then work. Get everything else that needs to be done done. I love laundry night. I feel like I accomplish so much. And I get up early, usually the following morning and iron while my son's asleep... and he helps me put everything up when he wakes up. Sometimes I'll wait until that morning to run the towels and such(sometimes bedding). Dry cleaner trips happen once a month unless needed sooner. * Children can set the table while you're preparing the food. Crockpots are a godsend when you don't feel like cooking but want a homemade meal. You can definitely multi task with them. =) And there's always sandwhich meat and bread and canned soup and crackers for the there-is-no-way-I-can-cook-now times. My son likes to stand in a chair(or even-gasp-sit on the counter) beside me and pretend to be helping while I'm washing dishes. He feels involved so he isn't off playing alone and he doesn't mind as much- he actually likes it. I guess this isn't a problem for most people as they use dishwashers? He also will sweep for me(and actually do a pretty good job of it) now when I start to go for the broom. Teach your child how to do things and make them fun. * My son LOVES to pretend to drive the car while I'm cleaning the car out. He also loves to scoop out the cat food into a small bowl to get ready to take outside while I'm feeding the dog. Then we got outside and feed the cats together. When my son goes outside, sometimes he just absolutely refuses to come back in. So when there are things I need to get done during the day(we can't spend all day outside) - for my dog's morning walk, I'll let him out a few a minutes ahead of time while we're getting our shoes, coats and hats on... then we'll all walk down to the mailbox and we'll look at the mail outside then it's time to go in. In other words, it's just a long trip to the mailbox to him... not a time to play for hours. But that trip to the mailbox is also the dog's morning walk. *** Disclipine wise... don't say you're going to do something then not do it. Stick to your word. It will let your child know you're serious. Also... don't just say "no, don't do this." Explain why they shouldn't do it and probably more importantly redirect them to what they should do instead. I also definitely believe in getting things ready the night before. Have a somewhat structured routine. Try to remain calm if it doesn't go as planned... but still, organizing your time will reward you. Don't try to do too much at once. Your mind simply can't fully concentrate on ten things at once. Don't take your concentration off of a baby in the bathtub to clean. Seriously... not trying to be rude, I understand the need for some multitasking, but it may be a bit dangerous to leave a child that young in the bathtub without paying full attention and being right beside of her - even if you are still in the same room. =/ Somethings are just going to require the extra attention. And sometimes, you may be suprised. Once you focus on something instead of trying to juggle it and everything else at once... you can get it done sooner. Honestly... I have few times when I'm in a paniced, rushed, or chaotic mood. The few times I can really relate to that are mainly when I'm somewhere in the grocery store, trying to put the groceries up while getting out my money while my son is screaming while the person behind me is rushing and the cashier is rushing. I hate that. I try to keep calm. Usually just slowing down will help tremedously. But when people around you are like that it's hard to retain tranquility.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

Birthday party dilemma Posted: 11/13/2009 8:22:04 PM
I honestly don't think much of this... because when and where I grew up, I was allowed to attend parties for my brother's friends, friends siblings attended my parties, my brother went to parties with me for my friends, friends siblings attended my brother's parties. It's just how it worked. Usually the parties were at houses until we got older... then they were at skating rinks, movie theaters, bowling, etc, etc. It still happened that way but if there was a cost involved, usually the parent would pay the cost for the other child at least. Sometimes parents had to pay for every child. I don't remember many problems with that... I guess when someone didn't pay, the parent of the birthday child would go ahead and pay. Everyone was relatively close to each other, though... all the parents knew each other. And we knew the siblings, etc. I don't know much about laser tag. Are four year olds allowed to play? Do they need extra supervision? I honestly don't know. If they can't play I would've just told the mother that and said sorry. If they'd need extra supervision, I would've been reluctant to say yes for someone I barely know. If I knew them... fine, maybe. If not perhaps I would've asked her to come as well. If neither of these are an issue... then I probably would've said sure and maybe mentioned the cost. Perhaps she's willing to pay or wanting to pay but just didn't know the cost?

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Baby loves every food I've given him!! Posted: 11/6/2009 10:34:54 PM
I rarely ever gave my son pureed baby foods. I mean, hell, have you tasted the stuff? YUCK. =/ His taste seems to be the same as it's always been.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 51 (view)

Single Parent and Racism (for the kids?) Posted: 11/6/2009 10:11:51 PM
Lol. No, hun, racism is a belief that race accounts for differences in people and that a specific race is superior to another. Not marrying or dating outside of your race doesn't necessarily mean you're a racist. And PLEASE. "Everyone else can do it but whites are wrong for doing it!" What the heck do you call that? Whites don't have culture?

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 46 (view)

Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex? Posted: 11/5/2009 8:29:39 PM
^You do lie. Liar.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 43 (view)

Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex? Posted: 11/5/2009 7:46:17 PM
1kindman, Who cares what YOU think about HER FAMILY tradition? You're not in her family. You don't know what her family is like. You do not know the tradition is only gift giving. You do not know there is no love there. I'm pretty sure she's not looking for you to tell her she should change her family tradition. Personally, I give my son "materialistic" gifts because I DO love him. Because I DO want him to be happy. Because it makes ME happy to see his face when he does get something. So what if it costs money? Good. It stimulates the economy. It allows people to have and keep their jobs and perhaps pay to feed, clothe, provide shelter for, and maybe even give gifts to their children. Yah, maybe my son doesn't HAVE to have any "materialistic" gifts. But does it HURT him? Heck freaking no. Now move along.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 41 (view)

Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex? Posted: 11/5/2009 7:33:31 PM
"I don't teach my son that people don't lie. I just avoid lying to him. I also tell him that Christmas isn't Jesus' birthday. Yeah, I know that centuries ago, there was a Turkish guy who gave presents. But no one talks about St. Nicholas anymore, which is a shame. It's all about Santa and marketing." Ugh. You're lying right now. How cute. People lie. Fact of life. Some lies don't hurt. Some lies result in good. Plenty of people do talk about St. Nicholas and keep his sense of altruism alive.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex? Posted: 11/5/2009 3:50:35 PM
Ah, you beat me to it Karmic! =)

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex? Posted: 11/5/2009 3:49:41 PM
Teaching children that people don't lie is lying. Also... not really. Santa is very real. Saint Nicholas was real. The spirit of Santa is real. A man really does wear red suits, say ho ho ho and bring children toys. In fact, many men do.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex? Posted: 11/5/2009 12:19:53 PM
Honestly... I don't have much personal experience with this. After my parent's divorce, though, we didn't talk to or want to talk to my mother. We would've just been better off for her to leave us alone completely. The first few years after the divorce, she would give us CHEAP gifts - and would send five dollars or so on SOME birthdays. Sometime she wouldn't send us anything... not even cards. It all kinda hurt. shrug but this is totally different, I guess. Having BOTH of you being Santa- you at your house and him at his SEEMS like a great solution. But the more thought you put into it... I think you can see it's not so great. What if he still doesn't get them anything? Then mommy would be a liar(in the children's perspective) if Santa doesn't give them anything at their dad's house. What if he doesn't give them as much Santa wise as you do? Well, why would Santa do that? Does Santa not give some children as much as others? Why is Santa like that? These are possible questions that could bring up. And then you'd have to work out how you're going to work that out- what time you're going to take them over to his house or is he going to come pick them up. And if Mommy Santa brings a better toys and they have to go over to see what Daddy Santa brings- they'll want to go back to play with the other toys or they'll just miss out. That could get messy. I just think it's too risky. I'm sure it could work for some people... but I wouldn't suggest trying it out. I think you should've had the money first before shopping to begin with. But we all make mistakes and you've learned that. =) If you still have what you agreed on in writing I would just show it to him to remind him. You don't have to force him to keep his word... but just bring it up and show him. I'd say hope he gives you what he really can afford - and perhaps what you agreed on- but don't count on it. Buy what you can afford and don't worry about it. Also - This is my son's second Christmas. Last christmas was great- but he was three days away from being one- so he didn't understand it and it overwhelmed him. I expect this year to be much better. I'm usually very frugal and that's something I'm going to have to work hard on as a mother. I want to get my son EVERYTHING- and I just can't afford that. And I have no one to split the cost with. I've already spent $750 on his Christmas and Birthday presents so far(I think and HOPE I'm done!) AND he's not even two yet! Are gifts just this expensive or am I just buying too much or the wrong things? lol. But I did buy him a children's table and chair set for his birthday. That(and a few other things) will be useful for a while, I think. This isn't relevant, sorry. lol.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 42 (view)

Single Parent and Racism (for the kids?) Posted: 11/5/2009 6:56:39 AM
"I took his second question of asking if we do not live in a multicultural world as questioning whether or not the response of the woman was even valid. " Perfectly fair assumption. I don't necessarily see it like that, though. With that question alone... I see it more along the lines of why does she have that preference instead of she's wrong for this preference, right? Though my response was also without realizing the thread title includes racism. No, I don't think this is racism. And I agree with you. People have preferences. And that shouldn't be a problem. There's no need to say that person hates what she's not attracted to, though. And that's perhaps when it starts to involve racism.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

He won't let me put him down Posted: 11/5/2009 6:44:04 AM
"put him down and let him cry, if he cries and you give in and pick him up you lose." bangs head on desk ARE YOU SERIOUS? No, no, no. Letting them "cry it out" IS just plain and simply WRONG. YOU lose. To begin with... this child really seems to be in pain! It's not like he's crying because "he's just a spoiled little brat!" Seriously people. Also... a child can get sick spending an hour or more crying hard like most will continue to do if you leave them there and never care for them because they are crying. Look up ways to ease the pain of teething. There are many ways... and different children will take well to different methods. My son loves cold food when he's teething. Like cold applesauce and yogurt. He also loved it when I'd rub his gums. You can even try distracting him- trying to get his mind off the pain. Rock him. If he wants you to be with him - be with him!

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Bday party ediquette Posted: 11/5/2009 6:28:16 AM
I agree with most of what's been said. Yes, it was probably rude for the parent to pick up the girl without coming to talk to one of the people responsible for the parties. BUT- that parent may have tried to but couldn't find you and didn't have time to wait. Perhaps the parent will thank you later? BUT- that parent could have told the birthday girl thanks and asked her to tell you thanks. Perhaps the birthday girl forgot to tell you. BUT- that parent could have thought it was WRONG of YOU to not know where HER child was all the time... and if she had the time to take her, someone else could have. Perhaps she thought you deserved? to worry a little... considering she did when she found out her child wasn't being supervised. I don't think it's anything to get upset about. If nothing else... the parent was just rude. People are that way- nothing you can really do about it. If you make (what should be obvious) rules known... then people are STILL going to be that way. If they're rude they probably aren't going to take note of "rules" another parent gives. I think it can be a lesson for you, though. And that is even 11-12 year old girls should be constantly supervised at a party like that. Maybe YOU don't think so... but I'm certain some other parents of the girls DO. Have someone in the changing room and at the pool.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 24 (view)

Single Parent and Racism (for the kids?) Posted: 11/3/2009 8:38:44 PM
I think it is important for a lot of single moms, Regnis. But definitely not all of us. And yes, I think you should still persue who you're interested in. You never know until you try. Good luck to you!

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

extended family visits with other side of the family Posted: 11/3/2009 8:05:34 PM
I think it COMPLETELY depends on the exact situation. From what was described about the two situations you mentioned: Mother 1 is probably doing a good thing. I think mother 2 probably is wrong. The second just seems so sad. The mother honestly seems like a **... and it does seem like it could do damage. The first situation probably could do damage too... but it probably wouldn't really hurt the child. But again... that's only from what you've said about the situations so far. That could very well change if there was more information. I felt conflicted about how to handle this when I was pregnant. I tried to get in touch with my son's aunt... I only met her a few times, but she seemed sweet and she had a son that was a year or two old at the time. I figured it'd be good for my son to know(and grew up) his cousin(since they would be close in age especially- and he wouldn't have many children around) and his aunt and uncle. She ignored me. I finally decided NOT to tell the rest of his family about the pregnancy. His sister acted that way and she seemed to actually be sweet. His father was an *hole to him. He seemed like that in general. And apparently, he wasn't really happy with to have his other grandson. His mother abandoned them when they were young... but talks to them occassionally now. She's apparently an alcoholic... and I never met her. I wouldn't even know how to get in touch with her. So... I just said forget it. It's not worth it. My son has my family. And maybe one day if he really thinks he wants to... we can try to get in contact with the other side. For myself... my mother and father divorced when I was 10? My father got custody. I don't have and haven't had much to do with my mom. I actually hate her. And most of her family... as they've done some pretty bad crap. I recently got in touch with my cousin that is two years younger than me. He is really sweet and we had fun memories together playing video games and all. He's into a few of the same things I am now. It's been pretty cool talking to him and getting to know him again. But I'm kinda glad this happened on our own terms. If I would've continued to spend time with him... his mother and sisters would've been involved. And I don't think I could've handled that.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

Single Parent and Racism (for the kids?) Posted: 11/3/2009 7:40:23 PM
"My preference for dating is tall men with dark hair and hazel eyes... this is the physical attributes I'm most attracted to and well, no one can tell me that I'm wrong in this... the same way we cannot tell someone that wishes to only date caucasians that they are wrong in their preference. " I don't think the OP is saying they are wrong. He seems to just want to know if he should stop trying... if it's useless. Also... understand that the reason she gave wasn't because she's not physically attracted to Chinese men. It was because she has a white child. Maybe her concerns are more along the lines of being more accepted by society? Maybe her concerns have to do with the child questioning a possible step father? Maybe her concerns have to do with the child being accepted? I think it's sad to make a decision based on much of this... as race really shouldn't matter that much.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

Single Parent and Racism (for the kids?) Posted: 11/3/2009 7:35:08 PM
I don't think you're wasting your time. You don't know if someone is interested or not before you try! Giving up would be the same as giving up on trying to talk to ANY woman because a few have said they're not interested. Honestly(and perhaps sadly)... I think a lot of people are probably this way. But that certainly doesn't mean everyone is. I'm a white single mother and I'd have no problem dating a Chinese man given I liked him.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Anyone help? (More of a female help) Posted: 11/1/2009 2:30:50 PM
You probably don't want to give a four year old child alka seltzer. shrugs Ask her doctor about this?

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Anyone help? (More of a female help) Posted: 11/1/2009 2:28:06 PM
" How can urinary tract infections be prevented? If your child has a normal urinary tract, you can help him or her avoid UTIs by encouraging regular trips to the bathroom. Make sure your child gets enough to drink if infrequent voiding is a problem. Teach your child proper cleaning techniques after using the bathroom to keep bacteria from entering the urinary tract. Some abnormalities in the urinary tract correct themselves as the child grows, but some defects may require surgical correction. A common procedure to correct VUR is the reimplantation of the ureters. During this surgery, the doctor repositions the connection between the ureter and the bladder so that urine will not back up into the ureters and kidneys. In recent years, doctors have treated some cases of VUR by injecting collagen, or a similar substance, into the bladder wall, just below the opening where the ureter joins the bladder. This injection creates a kind of valve that keeps urine from flowing back into the ureter. The injection is delivered to the inside of the bladder through a catheter passed through the urethra, so there is no need for a surgical incision." http://kidney.niddk.nih.gov/kudiseases/pubs/utichildren/ "Urinary tract infections (UTIs) are hard to prevent in children who seem to get them easily. The doctor may prescribe antibiotics to prevent repeat infection while waiting for test results after your child's first UTI. If test results reveal abnormalities of the urinary tract that raise the risk for repeated infections, the doctor may recommend long-term antibiotic treatment. Some evidence suggests that breast-feeding may help prevent UTIs during the first 6 months of life.2, 3 After learning to use the toilet, some children may not empty their bladder often enough. Without regular bladder emptying, which flushes out the germs in urine, children may be more likely to get a UTI. Encourage a schedule of bladder emptying to help lower this risk. Offer your child drinks (such as water) throughout the day. Drinking enough fluids fills the bladder and can help your child empty the bladder more often. Constipation can also put a child at risk of a UTI. Regular toileting habits and a nonconstipating diet are the best ways to prevent constipation" http://children.webmd.com/tc/urinary-tract-infections-in-children-prevention

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 52 (view)

IVF Leftovers Posted: 11/1/2009 2:24:51 PM
And, again, I think that should be reason enough to think to discuss that with your partner. And, again, I would've talked to my partner before doing something like that in the first place.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 50 (view)

IVF Leftovers Posted: 11/1/2009 9:47:08 AM
But you can plan for death. Also: "(There is a section in the ivf which deals with death, but its upon death of both, not one.) " Not really. Here's a few examples of what's in the consent forms: "Patient's Death _____ ______ Disposition of embryos to be determined by Partner. _____ ______ Disposal of the embryos in any manner deemed appropriate by GRS. Spouse's Death _____ ______ Disposition of embryos to be determined by Patient. _____ ______ Disposal of the embryos in any manner deemed appropriate by GRS. Death of Couple _____ ______ Disposition of embryos to be determined by my estate. If this option is chosen additional laboratory testing of patient and partner (or sperm/egg donors) will be required within 7 days of oocyte retrieval and sperm collection. An additional physical exam for screening prior to IVF starting and another exam 6 months after the IVF cycle will be required on the partner (sperm donor). Additional paperwork must be completed as well for both patient and partner prior to IVF initiation. This testing will result in additional administrative costs, laboratory fees, and medical expenses not covered by the IVF fee and may not be covered by insurance. If not obtained, FDA mandates that embryos are not suitable for transfer. _____ ______ Disposal of the embryos in any manner deemed appropriate by GRS. _____ ______ Donation to GRS to offer the embryos for anonymous adoption by another couple. If this option is chosen additional laboratory testing of patient and partner (or sperm/egg donors) will be required within 7 days of oocyte retrieval and sperm collection. An additional physical exam for screening prior to IVF starting and another exam 6 months after the IVF cycle will be required on the partner (sperm donor). Additional paperwork must be completed as well for both patient and partner prior to IVF initiation. This testing will result in additional administrative costs, laboratory fees, and medical expenses not covered by the IVF fee and may not be covered by insurance. If not obtained, FDA mandates that embryos are not suitable for transfer. Divorce (if not addressed in the divorce settlement) _____ ______ Disposition of embryos to be determined by Patient. _____ ______ Disposition of embryos to be determined by Spouse. _____ ______ Disposal of the embryos in a manner deemed appropriate by GRS. COMPREHENSION OF CONSENT AGREEMENT I/We have read and understand this document and additional information provided to us. I/We have discussed this document and additional information with a GRS physician, who has provided us ample opportunity to ask any questions regarding IVF therapy and cryopreservation and who has answered these questions to our satisfaction. I/We acknowledge that no guarantee or assurance has been made as to the results that may be obtained. I/We further acknowledge that this document is by no means a complete record of our conversations with Georgia Reproductive Specialists physicians, and staff and are satisfied that I/we are sufficiently advised and informed to make this decision." http://www.ivf.com/cryoperm.html And another: "The consent process for cryopreservation is separate from the IVF and donor cycle consents and should be completed (if desired) prior to the start of the cycle. The consent has unique requirements that the parent(s) must indicate their desires as to disposition of the embryos in the event of a divorce or death of one of the partners." http://www.californiaivf.com/cryopreservation.htm And another: http://www.ivf1.com/pdf/Embryo-freezing-consent.pdf Those all mention death. This is a regular IVF consent form asking what the couple would like to do in general to the remaining embryos: http://www.ivf1.com/pdf/ivf-cycle-consent.pdf

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 29 (view)

Quick and Easy for the Kidlings Posted: 10/31/2009 8:55:46 PM
Reading comprehension, Karmic. Where did I say you DO give your daughter hot dogs everyday? I'm explaining why I think it's bad advice to just "rince and repeat" the same thing or things for lunch every day as the previous poster said. I don't think you would do that... and I hope you won't. You seem to be asking for a little more variety in what you feed her and with good reason. Don't be so quick to get defensive.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 47 (view)

IVF Leftovers Posted: 10/31/2009 8:48:05 PM
pitter, It's not absurd to discuss this. Death is something everyone will experience. Death WILL happen; it's just a matter of when. I've seen entirely too many young people die. As a parent, I believe it's important to plan what will happen in the event of death. That's the very reason I have a will. I want to ensure the best for my child/possible children. I honestly would have a hard time living with the fact the fertilized egg/s would be thrown away. I just couldn't handle that easily. I believe the start of an individual human's life is at fertilization. While it may not be an actual abortion, I'm against "throwing away" my child's life... just like I'm against terminating my child's life. If I ever decide to have this done(which I doubt because of this), I would want to make every possible effort that would secure my right to either use or donote every extracted and fertilized egg. And I would want to know the guy I'm doing this with feels the same as I do to hopefully avoid any conflict. And honestly, I just feel that's fair. I also wouldn't have sex with someone that would think or wish for me to have an abortion if I did get pregnant. I remember a case a few years ago where a woman was trying to use either the sperm or frozen embryo of her husband after he died in Iraq. The mother-in-law was suing her because she didn't think it was right(or she didn't want to be a grandmother or something). I don't want that to happen. Besides that, from what I've heard, the paper work that is to be filled out before IV poses this very question.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

Quick and Easy for the Kidlings Posted: 10/31/2009 3:16:12 PM
Mr.Clean, Small children can get tired of the same things. And honestly... some of those things don't seem very healthy. She shouldn't be feeding her daughter hot dogs every day.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 82 (view)

why do most of you think kids NEED two parents? Posted: 10/31/2009 7:32:35 AM
"like what breast milk?" Just chiming in again... but... Fathers can provide breast milk. =) It's possible for a male to induce lactation. And perhaps a more viable option is donor breast milk.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 34 (view)

IVF Leftovers Posted: 10/30/2009 9:33:25 PM
I don't know that I would ever do this... but if I did I would've discussed it with the partner before we decided to have it done and hopefully agreed on something. I would either keep them or donate them. Probably keep them.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

Ideas for spending time with kids... Posted: 10/30/2009 9:27:58 PM
My son is 22 months... SO... : Today I took him to see what I want to get him for his birthday and christmas. Oh my. We ended up having a fencing match? with foam swords in the store. I won. I'm so totally proud of that; it wasn't easy. He helps me do housework. He loves washing dishes and putting clothes in the dryer. And it takes about two hours longer than it should. He loves to go outside and let me chase him while he chases the dog around. Sometimes we make trips to the mall that's like an hour away just to sing and dance in the car, look for cows and horses and ride the carosel at the mall. He loves that. We've spent a lot of time reading and learning new words lately. He's started picking up on some more German words. And he knows a few words by the way the look. That's not something I've been trying to teach him, but he's just picking up on. And he can point out the letter P. Hmm.... what else. lol. I can't wait until he's older and there's more we can do. I'm so waiting for when I'm able to take him fishing and camping and hunting and all. =)

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

Quick and Easy for the Kidlings Posted: 10/30/2009 9:11:39 PM
quesadillas cinnamon apples celery w/ cream cheese or hummus and apples/bananas eggs muesli(i can make some to-die-for museli muffins- they are best with lots of raspberries) heck, muffins in general or scones- yummy scones pumpkin bread carrot cake crackers blueberries or banana pancakes yogurt peas apples or carrots w/ dip avocado(ds loves mashed avocado on... well, anything - especially pita bread) sweet potato fries toast/bread with apple butter on it oatmeal with apple/cinammon, peaches, strawberries, or blueberries. rice smoothies are also a really excellent idea. When my son doesn't want anything else... he'll have a smoothie. He loves green smoothies. Also... try to "spice up" some of the things you've been doing. Like trying new soups or different types of crackers, etc. If you're still breastfeeding, she's probably getting mostly everything she needs so you shouldn't worry much when she's not eating much.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 89 (view)

Single parent brag! Posted: 10/30/2009 7:59:57 PM
Hm. I feel the need to brag a little. I already have one degree I recieved in May. I'm working towards another one and should have at least my masters and possibly doctorate before my son starts to school. Yay! I'm finally able to afford a house. I've been seriously looking for one here and in another state. I can't wait to finally find one. But I don't have to worry about rushing as I'm renting a nice 4br 2,200 sq ft house on over a half an acre - in a nice neighborhood. Yay. I have a decent job that allows me to live comfortably AND I still get a lot of time to spend with my son! And I don't have to worry about car payments as I had the cash to buy a nicer used car. Life is good.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Muwahahaha Happy Halloween Posted: 10/28/2009 10:06:49 PM
My son will be Bamm-Bamm. I considered going as Betty but decided not to. We're going to the city's downtown "safe alternative to trick or treating" and maybe a few houses tomorrow night.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 62 (view)

why do most of you think kids NEED two parents? Posted: 10/20/2009 4:44:57 PM
I guess I should not have expected you to be able to comprehend what you read. Where did I say you DID say such things? It's even painfully obvious that I wasn't saying you said that in the second quote you took out of context. Again... "You're not going to say it's impossible a person will be successful after that, are you?" "at least some children do not need two parents to become successful." - This addresses the question in the title. If you don't care to discuss it then you probably shouldn't even be posting here.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 58 (view)

To baptise.. or not.. Posted: 10/20/2009 3:41:53 PM
"A: Tell them they are your children and if they wish to remain a part of the children's life they need to respect the fact that they are your children and matters of religion are left to the parents and not the grandparents. My mom gave my oldest daughter a real religious christmas card and when I read it to her (in front of my mom) I made a point to tell my daughter that there is no god and people like grandma that believe in god are like cult members and they do not like to talk about facts. I then went on how all religions are made up and are just big lies. I then asked my mom if she would like to debate weather or not there is a god with me. Well she did not and she realized completely after that that I would not tolerate her trying to back door my teachings on something that important to me. She knew to stay out of it after that the ground rules were clear. Grow some balls!!!" ARE you ****ing serious? Way to completely teach your daughter to disrespect not only her grandmother... but all religious people and religion in general. She isn't allowed to make her own educated opinion. You get to make it for her. Sounds just like some religious people I know.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

parental contact after the nest is left--how often do you speak to your kids? Posted: 10/20/2009 3:35:35 PM
I know it's not really the same as being the parent... but I'm only 21. I have an almost two year old son. I see my dad at least once a week- sometimes more... and I call him almost every day. But when I was in my first year of college... it was rare for me to even talk to him once a week. I'd come home on holidays and one weekend a month. We rarely talked on the phone. Honestly... I feel really bad for not talking to him more then. My grandmother watches my son for me while I'm working or in class. So, she's at my house usually four days a week. Even when I get home, she'll sometimes come with us places. So we get to spend a lot of time together. I think it just depends on what your children are doing, though. Sometimes they're going to be busier than others. Sometimes they are going to need you more. Sometimes they may not fully realize they need to take a few minutes out of their partying lifestyle to call their mother. But I think that's just going to depend on where they're at in life. I would try to refrain from putting too much thought into it. Just check up on them more often if you're worried. And possibly try to set aside a specific time and place for you to get together with them.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 60 (view)

why do most of you think kids NEED two parents? Posted: 10/20/2009 2:33:20 PM
tito: why? I didn't have a mother to discuss my periods with... or ask boy stuff. I think I'm OK.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 59 (view)

why do most of you think kids NEED two parents? Posted: 10/20/2009 2:32:16 PM
"How do social scientists know that having two parents/an involved father is preferable? For over four decades now, researchers have been gathering data on how well children do in various life outcomes from intact families and non-intact families. Thus far, the children from intact families IN GENERAL, ON AVERAGE, have been doing better than children from non-intact families in areas such as high school graduation, college attendance and graduation, teen pregnancy and delayed child bearing, job/career success, marital stability, etc." I have a degree in social science(not that it makes me any expert... but just to illustrate that I do have an education in such a thing) and I'd still argue that it's not always preferable to have both parents involved. And I guarantee you most social scientists will say that human interaction is complicated. When you study two groups(in this case one being the people with two parents and in the other being the people without two parents) with the intention of proving a certain aspect is the cause of something, you really need to have only one independent variable. This means that everything needs to be the same except if someone has one parent or two parents. As you can probably imagine this is extremely difficult to do. It would mean they would have to have the same racial background, the same family income, grow up in the same neighborhood, have the same number of siblings. That's the tricky part. Every person is different. Every person has their own individual experiences. Correlation simply does not prove causation. If you just have a group of people with only one parent that are dropping out of high school, not attending college, skipping classes, etc. more so than a group of people with that happen to have two parents... that isn't going to tell you much. What if the first group have been subjects of abuse? What if they come from lower income families? What if they are of a minority group? What if one of these things are the reason for the dropping out? The not attending college? There are multiple reasons other than the fact the children in the group have only one parent that could be causing a certain thing. And the cause of a particular thing could have multiple reasons instead of just one. We can't just look at one factor and say "aha, that's it!" So it really isn't easy to prove and what you just described doesn't prove anything. It's really hard to determine how a person's life would have been had he only had parent or if he had two parents instead of one. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's impossible to determine. We can only make educated guesses. And I'm going to venture to guess that some people would be better off with only one parent in their life if their other parent is an abusive alcoholic or something similar. Sure, these children may not do as could as they could with two "perfect" parents. May not. But they simply don't have that. With what they do have, is it in the children's best interest to have both of their parents in their life? I'm going to say no. I think we need to be realistic here. It isn't a perfect world. Some people have children that probably shouldn't have children. There are times it's completely retarded to insist both parents need to be in a child's life... especially when it's obvious a parent is abusive towards the child. When there is a history of abuse... it will more than likely happen again. The potential further harm done to that child by staying with that parent will probably be a lot greater than any difficulty that arises from only having one parent. There are also times it's impossible for both parents to be in a child's life as well. What about in the death of a parent? You're not going to say it's impossible a person will be successful after that, are you? Honestly... let's use logic here. There are some very successful people that come from single parent families. Obviously success isn't dependant on having two parents. Obviously these people didn't need two parents raising them to get to where they are. Thus, I think it's safe to say at least some children do not need two parents to become successful. Life comes with problems. It isn't always going to be easy. Sure, it may be hard to deal with not having a parent in your life. Yes there may be difficulties that arise out of having only on parent. But can we(children of single parents) overcome them? I think so. I know I did. I think this can tie in with what I said about us needing to be realistic. As much as some of us may want, we can't make the lives of children flawless. And that's okay. They'll need to learn how to cope with issues in a healthy way. I will grant you the fact that when it will be beneficial for the child, we should strive to allow them to have both parents. Parents should not try to take their children away from their other parents for selfish reasons. Courts should try to allow both parents time with the children when that's in their best interest. I just don't see how anyone could say it's always in their best interest.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 77 (view)

Not The Momma Posted: 10/20/2009 11:40:37 AM
I think Soul touches on some very important issues even though I don't agree with everything he's said. And I am a parent.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 32 (view)

yes, i am asking pof about court... Posted: 10/20/2009 11:38:36 AM
I will never understand why some people limit who can message them so much. Especially when you post in forums. grah. Anyway... XxASOxX, your situtation hits close to home for me. I was 11 when my parent's divorce became finalized. My dad got custody of my brother and me. My mother got the right to see us once a month... at a church, supervised by our preacher. That lasted only three? times before she decided we weren't that important... and for that... we were thankful. Only if she didn't continue to harass us when it was convient to her. =/ My advice to you is continue to fight for your daughters. Fight as hard as you can and don't give up. It should be enough... but depending on the judge/etc you have, it may not. If your daughters don't want to see their mother and such... fight for them to be able to speak out. I wasn't supposed to be old enough for the court to actually listen to what I wanted(to be with my dad) and didn't want(to be with or even see my mother)... but I got to talk to the attorneys and a few other people(including psychologists) and I think that really helped. Child support isn't supposed to impact custody/visitation rights from what I hear. BUT... I still think it's a bad idea to seek child support... especially in situations like this. I don't know the ages of your daughters... but what if they think they have to or need to be around their mother if she sends them money? What if she uses that to get them to see her? OP: Like others have said... if you can leave the birth certificate blank... do so. It will be hard for him to go after anything. He'd first have to prove he's the father... which would mean a DNA test and he probably won't care so much as to do that. I don't really know what else to say... but I wish you the best.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 59 (view)

Salma Hayek Breastfeeding Posted: 3/11/2009 7:52:58 PM
Maybe this will answer your questions: "The actress and producer was told by doctors in Sierra Leone that many mothers stop breastfeeding their infants within the first few months after birth because of pressure from their husbands. Tradition has it, in some areas, that it is not acceptable to have sexual relations with breast feeding women. Sierra Leone has the highest infant mortality rate in the world, in part fueled by malnutrition. Physicians there told Hayek they would like to see mothers breastfeed for a full two years but that stigma too often gets in the way. Salma Hayek on Breastfeeding Hayek said her decision to breastfeed another woman's child was an attempt to diminish the stigma placed on women for breast feeding. At the time she was still breastfeeding her 1-year-old daughter. She told 'Nightline' co-anchor Cynthia McFadden that she thought her daughter wouldn't mind sharing her milk. 'Am I being disloyal to my child by giving her milk away?' Hayek said. 'I actually think my baby would be very proud to share her milk. And when she grows up I'm going to make sure she continues to be a generous, caring person.' Hayek told McFadden that that the idea of helping a child in this way had a long tradition in her family. She related a story about her great-grandmother many years ago in Mexico saving the starving baby of a stranger by breastfeeding the child. " http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/Story?id=6854285&page=1

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 57 (view)

Salma Hayek Breastfeeding Posted: 3/11/2009 5:40:52 PM
This isn't about her being famous misssynne.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 56 (view)

Salma Hayek Breastfeeding Posted: 3/11/2009 5:39:31 PM
Gave the babe a big mac? lols. screw that... I worship her. Personally I found the whole thing a little creepy...................surely there were other ways she could have helped! Apologies Salma sweetie - I know men all over the world worship you

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 51 (view)

Should Single Parents be allowed to have invitro? Posted: 3/7/2009 2:12:47 PM
And you do? I guess I didn't know you've been best friends with this woman the whole time and know every detail. If that's not the case, you don't know any more than any other poster, and from your posts, I'd say significantly less. I know what's out there just like everyone else does. I'm not claiming to know how their family life is. That's why I said it's up to authories, not you, not me, to decide if the children are being abused or neglected. It is up to them to decide if the children should remain with their mother or be put up for adoption. Me: She did not CREATE the embryos AFTER she had six children. They were already created. She thought her only options were to transfer them or to destroy them You: Woman you have to stop making shit up. You don't know any of that, you've decided it in your own head based on your personal values. Listen to her interviews. She said exactly what I said. In the interview with her mother... she insisted her only options were to have them transferred or them be destroyed. Her mother said different and she said she didn't know that and asked who would do that referring to embryo adoption. She said she plans to move out of her mothers house... and to pay back the student loans which she is using to care for her children. She's saying she's using it to get back on her feet, as you say. She is going to school. You don't know why someone else does something. A life of ease? Having fourteen children is not a life of ease. To suggest that is just ridiculous.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 50 (view)

Should Single Parents be allowed to have invitro? Posted: 3/7/2009 1:53:51 PM
Did you even listen to her? I don't think you did. The baby factory did several interviews where see admitted to doing it for attention and money. She had contacted several publicists before the babies where even conceived! So what needs to be proven? She admitted it herself. No dramatic comments about killing her babies or aborting eggs needed to get my point across! No pro choice or pro life issues here either. Just statements from the woman herself! No God in your government or nazi dictator telling anyone what they should believe. Just a baby factory telling the truth. Spin that!

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 48 (view)

Should Single Parents be allowed to have invitro? Posted: 3/7/2009 1:24:34 PM
UGH- seriously? She did not CREATE the embryos AFTER she had six children. They were already created. She thought her only options were to transfer them or to destroy them. That doesn't make a bad mother. A bad mother is one that would not allow some of her children to live. She chose to go to a clinic and create frozen embryos rather than care for her 6 kids she already has.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 45 (view)

Should Single Parents be allowed to have invitro? Posted: 3/7/2009 11:30:13 AM
Oh, I thought you agreed with welfare programs. I'm pretty sure it takes more than 3,000 a month to comfortably keep up fourteen children and an adult. I'm also pretty sure those children require a lot more than just money. To have children for money that isn't as much as it takes to care for the children implies either one of two things: 1. The money wasn't the incentive for having the children. The money may be an added bonus... but not the reason. 2. The person is purposefully planning on not taking care of her children. I'm not saying this woman didn't have her children just to get the money. I am saying you don't know that and YOU can't prove that. IF her food stamps and other benefits pay for all of the food... which it probably doesn't... she still is paying for her son to go to school, paying for her with her children, etc. Again, if her children aren't being taken care of it is up to social services to decide that and to take the children away. IT IS NOT UP TO THE ROCK MAN. "What single person can tend to and car for 6 children in a proper manner with out neglecting a few of them?" She lives with her parents. Her parents are helping her. That's three people. There are also such things as babysitters, nannies, etc. etc. I'm pretty sure she has a nanny. That's four people at least. Also, I know at least one of her children go to school. Four people to care for five-six children? Thirteen-fourteen children? Yeah, that's not SO bad. It definitely doesn't prove neglect or abuse. Not saying they're not being neglected or abused... but you just haven't proven that with the information you have. You didn't read what I wrote... or you're just being intellectually dishonest here. Not suprising. A woman carrying out a normal pregnancy isn't being abusive or neglectful to the child or children she's carrying.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 42 (view)

Should Single Parents be allowed to have invitro? Posted: 3/7/2009 8:48:36 AM
Nutt, You do not know the situation. Embryo adoption may not have been possible... or an option given to her. She had the CHOICE to do that or not to do that and a doctor, the government or you don't have the right to tell someone they have to kill or freeze "indefinitely"(which would be almost as good as killing them, right?) their offspring. I'll say it again... because it seems like you didn't catch this the previous times I've said this. IF and WHEN it is proven that her children are being neglected or abused, THEN there is the right to step in and give them to someone else who can take care of them. Her carrying her children in her body isn't abuse or neglect unless she's downing a bottle of absolut, eating sushi, smoking weed and punching herself in the stomach every night. Being single doesn't prove you're an unfit mother. Living with your parent's doesn't prove you're an unfit mother. Being on government assistance, as much as we'd like to think otherwise, doesn't prove you're an unfit mother. Having many children doesn't prove you're an unfit mother. WHEN, if it is proven that the children are not being taken care of THEN and ONLY THEN can they be taken away. It's really as simple as that. And don't **** about her being on welfare. I'm sick of it. I hate welfare programs. I really, honestly do. But they exist. How the hell do you expect someone that seriously needs help to NOT take advantage of something that is offered to them? It's primarily the government's fault she's recieving government assistance. They are the ones offering it. And until you take away every child that's family is recieving government assitance, there is no argument for taking away her children for that reason alone. You don't want people like this to get your money? Fight for the abolishment of welfare in general. That would have to be a huge chunk of money for her to be able to "live a comfortable life" with that many children. And I'm putting MY spin on this? Didn't you just do that very thing? Heh.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 40 (view)

Should Single Parents be allowed to have invitro? Posted: 3/6/2009 9:47:18 PM
Nutt, If I had two children and I wasn't able to care for them I wouldn't kill them. If someone has more children than they can care for she shouldn't kill her other children. She should allow people that can care for them to do so. If not, they should be taken away from her and given to people that can care for them. rock man, Yes... exactly, in fact. Maybe you should read more about how in vitro fertilization happens or this case. You say people need to educate themselves about issues before they make comments about them... you should do just that. The embryos were frozen. She just had them implanted instead of aborted. And yes, if she would have had them aborted she would have had her own offspring killed. It was her CHOICE not to.

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 35 (view)

Should Single Parents be allowed to have invitro? Posted: 3/6/2009 7:12:12 AM
#1 No single parents should have invitro. #2 No married parents should have invitro. #3 There should be an income level for married couples w/o kids to have them, say 50k per couple. Kids need a 2 parent situation all the time. God made Adam and Eve, not only Adam or Only Eve. Nor did he make Adam and Steve. Because people making less than 50k are bad parents! And keep your religion out of my government, k thanks?

lansmom

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 34 (view)

Should Single Parents be allowed to have invitro? Posted: 3/6/2009 6:59:26 AM
You don't know what her situation was when she actually had the process done. I think her oldest child is 7 years old and was also born by in vitro. The other fertilized eggs were probably frozen. Instead of killing her own offspring, she decided to give birth to them. It's not the government, doctors or ANYONE'S place to say "You can't have this many children." It is up to that woman. And it's DEFINITELY not up to the government or doctors to abort without the mother's consent. If she can't care for them... THEN something should be done. So... yes. Yes, I do think single parents should be allowed to have in vitro. Single parents can be as good or even better parents than couples. And no, not all people that have in vitro have 14 children, little income and are living with their parents. It's so amazing to me to see the blatant hypocrisy of the especially the pro-choice with this.

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