Buying his ex-girlfriend a car? chat & forums.

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colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Buying his ex-girlfriend a car? Posted: 11/1/2009 5:14:29 PM
Hmmmmmmm. He can't pay his own rent yet can pay an ex gf's car payment????? .............Here's Your Sign!

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

How far before you cross the line? Posted: 11/1/2009 8:24:00 AM
I also think it is different if the person is a mutual friend, or a long term friend from prior to your relationship, etc.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

How to prevent THIS type of hurt? Posted: 11/1/2009 8:09:17 AM
I think 1-2 months is really soon. SOME PEOPLE fall easy, hard and fast. Maybe that is you Tom. Nothing wrong with that, except not everyone you "fall for" will fall as fast as you, IF they are going to fall, at all. It takes time, and investing time and friendship, to see all of the different facets of a person, so you are sure it's not just infatuation, lust, etc. SO, you need to learn to hold back and not overwhelm the other person, but learn to be sensitive to reading them. If they seem less interested than you are, if they aren't as "into" you, they probably aren't. If you rush them, and they could bolt and you will never find out, or slow down, and take time to "smell the roses" and wait, and see, what develops, over more time. Women normally like men who show them attention, etc and are thoughtful, etc. From experience, if a guy is a bit over the top, and likes me a lot, really early on, and shows it in numerous ways - it sort of creeps me out and makes me want to retreat.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 156 (view)

COWARD ! - The Ignoring Game Posted: 11/1/2009 7:50:26 AM
Ok, well, to avoid that, one could, at the very least: Write a letter, penned or emailed, explaining their actions. Be thoughtful enough to know they could not handle the confrontation, yet respectful enough to be honest honest & explain themselves. All relationships are different. Some people do refuse to believe the truth and will make total idiots of themselves trying to change the other persons mind and all. In my case, NOTHING was wrong, we had been absolutely close as can be, no arguments, no fights it was over dealing with making a commitment. If a man implies he wants a future with you, puts 50,000 miles on his car in 3 years just to see you, tells you you are the one, calls you his _____ (your name) you are close as can be, share dreams, talk about relocating for jobs, spend all of your vacations, holidays with one another's families, constantly talk about houses, even going to Lowes and discuss types of windows, etc, he KNOWS you would not shack up, knows you want to get married "someday" and he is there for you and you for him, and then he does a 180 saying you are pressuring him and disappears. That is a load of crock. How can you know his reasons unless he tells you? It went from awesome to poof and I am sorry, it has been very rough. I did email him a few times, left a few phone messages, over the in the first few weeks,it's been 6 weeks now) because he does have a tendency to hole up and LIKES me to dig him out. I didn't, ( as in I didn't drive the 90 miles) because why should I, he walked out on me? If he doesn't want me, FINE, but, find your kahunas, and face me and tell me why. Then I can move on. I am ok now, but I had some horrible days and nights and wrestled with the entire gamut of: rejection, pain, broken heart, grief, etc. He was my best friend too. So I thought, anyway. My son was chosen to represent the US Air Force at the 1st World Series game(you can see the pic on my profile), such an awesome honor and I was so proud of him! But, it was bittersweet, because I could not share it with my SO and that left me feeling sad, when I should have been totally happy. I did email him the photo link, as he is also in the AF. Immediately he messages back a short line about how proud I must be and that he forwarded it to several people. So, I messaged back, asking him if we were going to talk. He wrote: very soon.... but not today zx Whatever...............that is so manipulative and controlling as if I should just hold my breath until he decides to grace me with the privilege of speaking to him. It disgusted me to be made to feel so unimportant after all we shared.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 153 (view)

COWARD ! - The Ignoring Game Posted: 11/1/2009 4:35:20 AM
Do not defend the damned cowards. They may not want a relationship with you now, but you had: (not long term, exclusive, I love yous were said(do not pick that apart, if you don't need love, you aren't human so go on an alien site then)and you cared for one another. The guy(or gal) just one day, out of the blue decides to not answer your call, or come over as planned, and then : no contact: Ashhole is better than asshat. I mean, it is : inconsiderate, rude, selfish, mean and more. After 3 years, and implied lifetime commitment (lol - maybe it was my fecking imagination, ya think?) mine emailed, when I asked when we were going to discuss what was going on: one day soon.......... just not today zx If you defend a man who will reply that way to a woman who loved him and never treated him in a way that deserved that, then you stoop to his level and probably do the same thing in your relationships. If you can't be decent, then stick with FWB, hos or just beat it against the wall, will ya?

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

How far before you cross the line? Posted: 10/31/2009 12:46:16 PM
Think about what YOU would be uncomfortable with her doing. Phone calls, text messages, and emails while seemingly innocent pull a woman's heartstrings, bc those things ought to be coming from ones' SO, not someone else's man. Also there are verbalizations....such as "you sure looked hot in your new jeans, or your hair was amazing today, or you smell so good I could have you for lunch, etc. Do we really think that you talk about the weather or the price of tea in China? Silly you. Think of your SO and how she would feel if she overheard a conversation. Men fail to realize that women need attention. A simple text or email or call can make our day. It isn't all about roses and chocolates. A small compliment or tender gesture goes a long way. If there is another man willing to do that(and listen without trying to offer ill wanted advice) , and you aren't, and she allows him to continue, because she likes feeling special, wanted, thought of, etc...........look out. I switched this around...........but the point is, you ought not be paying attention to another woman instead of your SO, life is way too short.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 100 (view)

COWARD ! - The Ignoring Game Posted: 10/30/2009 1:51:10 PM
Ok, anyone dealt with people who SERIOUSLY have fears/phobias of commitment and want to go there, but can't. I thought, at times, that my guy really wanted the whole enchilada as I did and had even deceived himself it was happening/could happen. I think when it got close to the time where we COULD actually start planning. etc, he freaked out of fear of losing his space. Of course he said I was pressuring him, but to me, that was a cop out. MENTIONING anything tangible was "pressure". After 3 years, of driving 90 miles, you just can't do that forever - well let's say I wanted more than weekends. I think he wanted to want more, and MAYBE if I had never said a peep, in his own time...blah, blah, blah. So, he bailed, and the last I heard he said he'd talk to me "very soon" just not today. Just curious. Talk to the hand.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

COWARD ! - The Ignoring Game Posted: 10/29/2009 8:26:19 PM
How about SWEET cuddly self centered *holes? We had a great thing but he fears commitment and it and it alone makes him be an *hole bc he's afraid so he runs away like a little boy. Holes up, covers over his hear until it's safe to come out. Problem is, you can't drive 90 miles forever. 3 years is a LONG time and lotsa miles. So, why did I ever take him back, or allow this behavior. It's not like I don't now there are men who would appreciate a good woman. I met JUST the guy once when we broke up. But back I went, and here I am , again.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 29 (view)

COWARD ! - The Ignoring Game Posted: 10/29/2009 8:13:52 PM
It is self-centeredness at it's best. My guy had some issues with being a loner and I knew that going in. Bikeman, you also have a very valid point. It can be used as control and manipulation. It was , at times during the relationship. He shut himself off....we won't talk. So, we talked, when and if he was ready. I tried everything.........saying that it's fine to need time before you talk, to reflect, and be sure you don't say things in haste. But to shut the other person out, and reject their attempts at communication, well, that is awful. You did not fight, argue, or anything. I used to think he was just clueless. No, he knows exactly what he is doing. My last request for talking to him was answered with: very soon, but not today WTF?

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 36 (view)

HOW CAN YOU BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE WITHOUT CAUSING THAT PERSON PAIN? Posted: 10/29/2009 6:59:18 PM
Well, since I was walked out on......after giving my all, and loving unconditionally, I was thinking of getting that book.........."Why Men Marry Biotches". I know Someone above who could no doubt write her own. Beware men, use em and lose em at it's finest.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

COWARD ! - The Ignoring Game Posted: 10/29/2009 6:46:02 PM
You're kidding, right? Whenever you get involved with someone, and an emotional attachement is established, you have a responsibility as a compassionate human being to be respectful enough, and honest enough, with that person that when you desire an end to the relationship you say so in person, with kindness. Otherwise you are just causing more hurt. Only a selfish person who is only concerned for themself plays this silly game of ignoring people out of their life. Count yourself lucky, OP, you dodged a bad one! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ This is and should be true I also was just "ignored" after a jane doe email, after he did not like it when I spoke my mind on a few key issues. two of them being MORE of this sort of behavior.......walking out and not dealing with things, and then not answering a call, to discuss it. It is SO hurtful and I have never sent him an ugly message or anything of the sort. I tried to ask nicely for him to face me, to help me to understand, so that I can move on. It's painful, because you feel as if you did not matter to them at all. I have been wrestling my emotions for weeks and it is awful. If he could face me and I could see in his eyes and hear his voice tell me that he does not love me and does not want me, I think it might sink in. The truth> he IS a coward, because he is afraid of taking a risk. I KNOW that he loves me, as he told me just 10 days ago, but he cannot handle anyone calling him on his ridiculous behaviors, so he runs away and hides. He would rather be alone, than make a mistake. He cannot make a commitment, and he knows feeling like an option hurts me, so he "doesn't want to hurt me", so he disappears. talk about pain.................

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

RELATIONSHIPS and GRIEF... Posted: 10/29/2009 6:06:47 PM
^^^^^ Concur with above. I never experienced grief during the 3 year relationship I just had, but it just ended and it FEELS like someone died and I can't talk about it. No one can really understand, or wants to hear the gamut of my emotions that can sometimes engulf me in a moment........ tears, for no reason, upon seeing a reminder of him, it sucks and gets better then worse, good days, bad days, but slowly, it is a little less painful than before, but it has to run its course I suppose.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

How to know if he Likes you, Likes you Posted: 10/29/2009 6:03:01 PM
Ok, so what would it have meant if he didn't look. That must be similar to when you are already saying "I love yous" and you say it and he doesn't say it back that time.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 44 (view)

Looking for perfection? Posted: 10/28/2009 1:55:24 PM
No, as I am certainly not perfect. But, someone real enough to admit that we BOTH have imperfections not just ME!

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 74 (view)

my boyfriend asked me for money Posted: 10/27/2009 6:40:03 AM
a week? seriously? you think you owe him what? dump him. rebait the hook......the world is full of lots of nice men, and ones who are respectful enough not to meddle in your finances.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 24 (view)

How to know if he Likes you, Likes you Posted: 10/27/2009 6:37:44 AM
wow, and I thought that I often think too much.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 75 (view)

How to build chemistry with the nice guy after always going for the bad boy? Posted: 10/27/2009 6:36:08 AM
And here I am the opposite..............been with mr workaholic, no fun, unsocial, etc. How can I find a GOOD guy with just enough bad boy to enjoy life and not be a stick in the mud? Someone who will try new things, likes to get out and do things and has the umpf.................you know. I am 50 and if I message guys, say 45, or 46, it's as if they think I am OLD. Oh they never say that, but I am smart enough to get it. Are they waiting for 35 year old woman, thinking that just bc someone is 35 they will be more fun, energetic, etc?

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 101 (view)

Are all women nuts?/Where are all the good ones at? Posted: 10/25/2009 9:42:01 PM
Ok, Here is my best guess. You are military, my way or the highway and work 2 jobs. Women prefer if they are gonna cook, clean and get their pipes cleaned, to at least spend some time with you. You attract women who are not all that and a bag of chips, because normal women shy away from workaholics and men super dedicated to their jobs, who also hunt, etc, probably live at the gym, etc. Women willing to settle for a smidgen of your time(between jobs, early am, pm, or maybe a weekend are hard up.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

No orgasm: dealbreaker? Posted: 10/25/2009 9:32:43 PM
Depends on if you think it's HIM, or you.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

No orgasm: dealbreaker? Posted: 10/25/2009 9:30:53 PM
Stop whacking off already!

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 251 (view)

why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married?? Posted: 10/25/2009 9:29:16 PM
^^^ LOL........... I think that was "Exorcise" Mae. That made me laugh when I read "Jumping to Conclusions". Now I have to watch Office Space again!

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 248 (view)

why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married?? Posted: 10/25/2009 6:01:13 PM
SOME MEN ARE AFRAID JUST AS SOME WOMEN ARE No one wants another divorce. We can't give guarantees either. So, those who are brave enough to put themselves out thee, to love, trust and put in the effort make it work, will marry/remarry and hopefully find the one they will share the rest of their lives with. I for one do not want to spend the rest of my life alone, it's much better shared. My parents are deceased, my children spread out all over the country/world. So, here I am, on POF, maybe to just share in the forums, maybe, by chance meet the one who will put that song back in my heart and then fall crazy in love again.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

do your breakups revolve around the same issues? Posted: 10/24/2009 8:42:27 PM
^^^^ Here are examples: The work is actually things such as "thoughtfulness, consideration, preferring the other person's needs over your own at times, compromising, learning to communicate through conflict and conflict resolution, encouragement, and all the rest, such as kindness, friendship, etc. Sharing your feelings and not being afraid to be vulnerable are on this list as well. Not "work" but not easy. Here is an example that came to me: If you had a job and went faithfully every day, prepared, had the right tools, etc, but did the bare minimum required, how long would you keep your job? On the other hand, what if you worked hard, helped others along the way, stayed late a bit when needed and showed initiative, drive and teamwork, what outcome might that have. My problem is I give way too much, too soon. I am too nice. I was a wife for 25 years, I have NO girlfriend experience. Both of my serious SO's withheld things from me. The ex husband withheld physical affection as punishment for ....you name it (last few years only). The recent SO withheld loving me back. I mean, he was here, he showed up, dressed the part and let me love him. Sure he was physically affectionate, but he did the bare minimum (see lists above)required to sustain the balance of the relationship. Meanwhile I gave, and gave and he took, and took. He sucked the life right outta me.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 47 (view)

Why are some men afraid to express their feelings? Posted: 10/24/2009 5:46:43 AM
:I responded that I would have much rather gotten up and fixed her broken fence than have a talk about my "feelings"..: This was an interesting read, bc my very best friend, married for 25 + years has described her husband to the JUST LIKE THIS. She has been banging her head against the wall for years, because he does not "get " her and for years she tried expressing her feelings, desires and wants to him....about any and everything, all unheard. Twenty some years later, he is making plans for them to do things, etc, thinking this is what she wants. She struggles, bc now, it sort of torks her off, bc he all but ignored her for years. She wants to accept these things as acts of kindness, but after years of his not giving a damn, it is sort of bittersweet. Mind you this is a woman, who has stayed by her man, when by all rights she had reason to leave. If you'd rather fix the fence, why not bail early and save her years of emotional frustration. I mean if it needs fixing, then fix it, but do not ignore her needs because of your own self-centeredness. If a man wants his woman to feel loved.....I said FEEL loved; he has to give a damn about her feelings. Contrary to popular belief, they are not conjured up for your sympathy. We do not invent them. God made us women, and we have feelings. Some men(and women) are too self-centered to do that, and that should be a red flag, right from the start. YES I LEARNED THIS FROM EXPERIENCE.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

Let me try it again -- Posted: 10/24/2009 5:31:11 AM
Throw them away. If that is how she communicates, you are better off without her. If she brings it up, say you never saw them.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 250 (view)

A real woman Posted: 10/23/2009 8:25:59 PM
kills spiders never moans about her period does NOT want to wear the pants likes feeling feminine and sexy would never cheat on her man or even contemplate it would shoot someone to defend someone she loves will sleep in the wet spot swallows LOVES and initiates sex loves to cook for her man(unless he's the cook)

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

From lover to boyfriend Posted: 10/23/2009 10:59:54 AM
Have you been sleeping with other people as well? FWB's should have this information, so at least one is being honest. STD's do happen.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 107 (view)

What is the strangest way you were told it was over Posted: 10/22/2009 7:13:42 PM
Oh I agree that going back or taking them back is the epitamy of kicking your own ass. I did it twice with this guy. AND maybe a few mini take-backs after he holed up into his days of silence and I dug him out for SOME STUPID REASON. RED FLAGS, from him(offered up freely) that I refused to acknowledge. Once, when broken up, he was obviously sad and drove the 90 miles to my house but I was not at home. He left me a note from a piece of his mail that had his name on it and the line.......you deserve more. Oh never mind, it's pointless, there were many flags I refused to see, and some of them were probably his way of ending it, but I didn't want to see it. (bangs head against wall ). I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW THE RAIN IS GONE..........

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

Curbing your relationships Posted: 10/22/2009 4:09:34 PM
Power Yes, some like it. I also realised that what my SO did, was in reality not love me back. Oh he "loved" me, but not in return, as he was loved. (when he should have LONG been kicked to the curb) Now, I am gonna CURB my love for someone worthy of bestowing it on. So his Power was witholding love. Funny, in the end, my exes power was withholding affection. I need a TEDDY BEAR - know what I mean ? Someone who LOVES to be loved and loves you back. Someone who does not have "withholding" in their brain powers. Is that too much to ask? Damn, he can have one short leg, gray or no hair, a beer belly, fart, go hunting, fishing and watch football all weekend, as long as he loves me. LOL

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Curbing your relationships Posted: 10/22/2009 1:58:07 PM
How about getting kicked to the curb after a few years......... I realized, way too late, that my SO really never TRIED. He balked at conflict, and would shut himself off, and I would dig him out of his "hole". You know the drill, not answering the phone, etc. Oh what a dummy I was. That was when I SHOULD have kicked him to the curb, but I didn't. I figured I could "fix him, love him like no one ever had, help him to learn to trust.......(and therefore change). It was a LONG hard road, trying to put that square peg into the round hole.......over and over and over. When it came down to brass tacks, I got kicked to the curb, as we were dealing with making a commitment and of course, he had no idea how he would mange every day "giving", when he didn't like giving an inch, EVER. I beat myself up BADLY, BUT, after many tears, and quite a few very long sleepless nights, my light bulb of reality went off. You should make an effort to accept one another. Talk about things, and find out if you are compatible by being honest, always. Kicking someone to the curb should be reserved for serious offenses, like lying, shutting you out, cheating, disrespect, but not over just for being yourself.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

should i continue with her Posted: 10/22/2009 1:45:39 PM
You are being an IDIOT. She does NOT love you. SHE ONLY WANTS YOUR MONEY. Want to know, for sure? Do NOT give her any more money, not even $5 for milk. Tell her you do not get paid for 2 weeks. Be strong. Then, be sweet just like you have been. See what happens. PS. PLEASE let us know, it will help everyone to know how to handle this kind of a situation, when people who seems so great needs money right away.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Why all or nothing Posted: 10/21/2009 4:21:08 PM
Crap after 3 YEARS I said this to my SO. I mean come on, driving 90 miles for 3 years always talking about "someday, when we can be together.blah , blah, blah........ Who is going to keep doing this, forever? and he was like I am not going to be pressured into proposing, which is by far the most important decision of a lifetime. There is a time.......You are in, or out All, or nothing baby

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 64 (view)

Dumbest Pick Up Lines & How Did You Respond Posted: 10/21/2009 4:17:23 PM
It wasn't really a pickup line, but more of a way to "hit"on me.....at work within boundaries, I suppose. This guy said to me: "Is it hot in here, or is it just you?

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 86 (view)

What's in a kiss? Posted: 10/20/2009 7:46:20 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^ HAHAHAHA that was funny! A bad kiss is when his jaws are not able to be anything but open........lol with him thinking he has to use his tongue. How do you teach someone to keep their lips on yours,.........."trained" on yours, following, reading, experimenting, tasting. I have tried and it is a most hopeless endeavor. Most men THINK they can kiss. My last So could NOT kiss, for a lick HA. He would say "tongue action, baby". And I would be like..............................tongue, yes, but not always and definitely if you are not in sync and "exploring". it frustrated me, through the entire relationship. Ever had date with a guy.......who SAYS he is a great kisser? I loved blowing their idea of a great kiss out of the water and leaving them shaking their heads.........thinking.WOW, what was that. Most time, they are a bit of heavy shoving the tongue down your throat, sloppy and TOO wet. And at that, only giving them a WEE taste of a hot mind blowing kiss- because really they didn't deserve the whole enchilada! A good kiss will leave you feeling melted and in need of scraping off the floor with a spatula!

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 93 (view)

What is the strangest way you were told it was over Posted: 10/20/2009 7:19:23 PM
Well, this last relationship was hanging in the balance. Over but not quite totally 100% without hopes of a reconciliation. He told me, in a cool, unemotional voice............ Well, when I left there, the last time we saw one another, I pretty much figured that would be my last trip to........(my town). This is just an example of how our communication SUCKED. He left me, with the impression that he had some issues to deal with before proposing. HAHAHA Prior to this , he had just emailed...he loves me, misses me, wants me. Then a Dear Jane letter, then he had driven his last trip and knew he would not be pressured into proposing and wasn't going to be driving over anymore. Well, I said, if you aren't going to marry me, you don't have a reason to drive over.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 90 (view)

And what was your part in it? Posted: 10/20/2009 6:57:38 PM
I believed he would marry me one day. I should have kicked his ass to the curb the first time he played his drama games. Should have gotten the ring tone: "If you liked it ya shoulda put a ring on it" and never taken his calls.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 61 (view)

Bad in the sack Posted: 10/20/2009 6:34:33 PM
For me, what sucks is: A lousy kisser. Lousy meaning, tight lipped, constant tongue, and not able to read or follow you, at all. Kissing makes me WET. Period. To me, it is important. Properly kissed, even in menopause, no lube necessary (at least not for a good while!) You might be bad in the sack if: You cannot control your orgasm..........cum in 5-10 minutes, like it your way only, don't like variety, cannot use your hands or do not care to. Can't go for round 2. THAT sucks, to me. Not of course if you have to get up in 5 hrs for work, or something, I am considerate! LOL

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 69 (view)

And what was your part in it? Posted: 10/20/2009 1:38:20 PM
(Ex husband of 23 years) I gave too much and neglected my own needs. I did not stand up for myself and took his emotional and verbal abuse for too long. I wonder, had I stopped it in it's tracks at the get-go, if things would have worked out differently. He never hit me, ever, but was rather narcissistic. At the time, it was so well thought out, by him, he made me think I was the one with the problem. I think that is why I didn't stand up for myself, because he came off as holier than thou- hey, you are angry what is wrong with you? after making me feel like I was incapable of doing anything right.....yada, yada, yada. Couple that with withholding of affection, alienation and more, as well as living in a foreign country with no support whatsoever.............and well, thank GOD I finally went to counseling, and eventually left him.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 49 (view)

I can't understand this woman and her actions HELP!! Posted: 10/16/2009 8:49:30 PM
LOL She's a flake, so why bother with all of this fuss worrying about her? Go with your gut. If you felt she was making excuses, why not give back what you get? You owe her no undying loyalty. This reminds me of the only time I was ever stood up. There are a few similarities. No clue, to this day about the reality and I see this guy at work, every day. My mailman had been checking me out. Truth be told, the office girls at my apt complex later said he was always asking about single women. Ok, one day, he had a package for me, zips his truck beside mine as I am getting out. He starts chatting, and said he noticed I do not have a ring on and how he'd been checking me out for some time. Well, lol I had never noticed him, and he is really not my "type" and plus, we have the same employer (dif locations, at that time). He was really persistent and flirty and kinda funny and I wasn't seeing anyone, so I gave it to him. He called, like 5 minutes later. I was like wth? He said, oh, just checking, to be sure you gave me the right number. Strange, to me. Ok, so he called, we talked, then we started IMing a little. I had a hard time, it was as if he spoke a different language. He even "checked out" once because he said oh, tomorrow is payday. I said, oh, I totally forgot, as I don't live payday to payday. Click. Oh well. So, he gets around to "asking me out". We were to go somewhere, I forget where, but it was on that Saturday, but we both worked. He said...I will call you when I get off work to set up the time, depending on when I get done. I got ready, as I knew approx what time it'd be. The time passed, until way later than he should ever have been and I was pissed. I then called him, and he did not answer, and never showed up. Ok, so I didn't see him for a few days. I was en route and had a female emergency and had to swing by my apt. There, in front of me was his truck. So, I followed him, til he pulled over, I did as well and got out and went up to him and asked him why he stood me up. He said..I didn't stand you up. I was like, oh, am I that stupid? Would I really get ready and wait if we had no plans? He said, I never called you, did I? Oh, this was the same thing you got, no confirming, so he weaseled out, when in fact he had pestered the shit outta me for days prior. Then he made excuses, I had to go see my dad, blah , blah, blah. But I was gone. Talk to the hand dude. Then I transferred and had to see him at work every day. But, he never got a second chance, though he did try, MANY times(without ever apologizing, mind you). Sorry, so long........ but this was sorta similar. I think they have issues on their issues and did us a favor, ya think?

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 42 (view)

Should I continue seeing him? Posted: 10/16/2009 6:39:35 PM
be the dumper not the dumpee

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 96 (view)

Should People in a Comitted Relationship Share there things with each other Posted: 10/16/2009 6:38:21 PM
Well, it's obvious they can't be that close, because I cannot imagine my SO NOT lending me his car if I needed it. Matter of fact, he offered for me to take his Yukon on a trip from GA to PA so I'd have more room, for my kids, and grandson. I never asked. Of course, he has more than one vehicle, and has insurance, as do I, and money in the bank. If one is living from paycheck to paycheck, it changes a lot of things, especially if YOU are the one paying YOUR bills. If you live together, I might agree more that things would/should be shared. Of course, before that happened, there should also have been some serious discussion about such things.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Would you forgive? Posted: 10/16/2009 6:31:40 PM
are you nuts? Methinkso

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

I can't understand this woman and her actions HELP!! Posted: 10/16/2009 6:30:55 PM
date women not girls in womanly bodies

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 47 (view)

Did you settle? Posted: 10/16/2009 5:29:08 AM
To fruitflies long post: That is exactly why I said yes, I had settled, but in reality......NOT It does take BOTH partners willingness to ACCEPT one another, with all of their wonderful and not so wonderful attributes. To love regardless of whether you like a bad habit. To not expect them to give or do more than you bring to the table. It is...a balance of compromises, with no score-keeping. To me, that is what love is. I know some say unconditional love is only what parents have for their children, but I disagree. As a Christian, I have experienced firsthand that God loves me, if I muck up, or not. It is always ME who walks away from Him, and not the other way around. Unconditional love is the opposite of settling, It is loving...in spite of...this or that (insert habit, characteristic, flaw here). It says..........I love ALL of you. I may not like every little thing about you - but hey you might not like every little thing about me either. I choose to accept you - AS YOU ARE and you will know this, because I am: forgiving, thoughtful, considerate, compassionate, empathetic, caring...etc.....at least to some degree. But, in spite of it all, I love you and will make the effort to accept you as you are, because you offer the same acceptance to me. I did this, for my SO, even though he was manipulative, because of his emotional insecurities, I would let it happen, because it was easy for me to make up, for him, not. My real ex (as in ex husband) was manipulative in an ugly cruel way, and somehow I thought the "cute" manipulative(not answer the phone, silly things). was different. I was wrong. I could accept all of his issues, flaws and all, but he dwelled on 1 of mine and every time we reached an impasse, there it was, on the table. SO, for him to be so shallow to not accept me, and expect me to accept him, it became apparent that his love was very conditional. Come on, you cannot turn love on and off , like a faucet. I will not settle for not being accepted for who I am. period. I can change me, but for you to want to change me, or let me know there is something you think I need to change, well. Another good Biblical reference inserted here. I apologize, but this is good, even for non religious people to read. Before you look at the log in your brothers eye, be sure to take the one out of yours. The non perfect always want the perfect. I know I want a Godly man. I did not say PERFECT. No human is perfect. Flame me, oh well. If someone is not accountable to God, then how can they feel accountable to anyone else? ^^^^^^^^ This is my concept of it all, FOR ME?

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 85 (view)

What is the strangest way you were told it was over Posted: 10/15/2009 8:35:01 PM
Thank you Mae. I know, it does take time. Right now I am still trying hard to not allow my brain to go there. I do fine, until my head hits the pillow. I do deserve more. Somewhere, there is a man who will love me for me, and allow this lil yankee Suzy homemaker to shower him with love and attention, love me back and share life in an amazing way....side by side and exploring life to the fullest. I want a life partner, friend, & companion - no doubts or misgivings, only love.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 83 (view)

What is the strangest way you were told it was over Posted: 10/15/2009 8:18:26 PM
Ok, Maybe it will make me feel better after you all hug me when I post this. This is AFTER 3 years and a plan to spend the rest of our lives together(or something to that effect). His cowardly email: Dear B, I am truly sorry for the unrest I have caused in your life, I won't be doing it anymore. Thank you for all that you have brought to my life. I promise not to call or email you again. I wish you the best. H Oh, here is one I got from him, after our last breakup........... It had been 4 months..........and out of nowhere, he left a not on my porch, under a water bottle. It was from a piece of mail, I really do not think he knew or planned to leave this, but wanted to write a note to leave and found it in his car: It had his name, and then he had ripped out the rest of the sentence and it said: You Deserve More The funny part about this, was that my daughter's boyfriend had left a post it note on our door that said "I Love You"....no name or anything. Well, I was still pining after him, although we had not spoken in months, and so I called him, and merely said.......I got your note. He told me he came over and then had left, as I was not at home (10 min earlier and he'd have seen me leave w another guy!). So, I am think he wrote that he loved me and here all he did was say I deserve more. So finally he tells me about the water bottle and then I found the note. Yes, we got back together after that. No square pegs in round holes, no square pegs in round holes, no square pegs in round holes

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Did you settle? Posted: 10/15/2009 3:19:04 PM
I did. And we broke up/got back together several times. But I fell in love with him and didn't know about the "settling" issues until after I had. Most people are attentive and all during the initial phases of dating. He was attentive.........a long time ago. I accepted him, because I loved him. Good, bad, ugly and so it was not "settling"............maybe had we married and it failed, then I would see it differently. I always thought settling meant issues like, religious preferences, looks, money, political views, etc. I realise that there are many things that I did not consider, such as communication styles, ability to love unconditionally, not keeping score, of anything, wanting to meet the needs of the other, thoughtfulness, etc. These things are tests of true compatibility. In an unbalanced relationship Example, a giver with a taker), it can go on for only so long, before the giver NEEDS something back. Even if its a flower from the side of the road, or a text message, SOME PEOPLE refuse to give.......because it is wanted. Ouch. Yep - the one I fell for took wonderfully. He gave in his ways, of course he did, such as fixing my car, etc. BUT, those things were not the everyday rule. It came to light as time went on, that he KNEW what he was doing (I had assumed him clueless and just loved him anyway). To me, that is just plain cold. He's an odd fellow- maybe he thought if he did X, then she might want more, or she might think_____ , meanwhile, I just do and do, because I don't think about it, or weigh it or measure my giving. It's when you realise that the simplest, easiest gestures are never going to happen and you are left scratching your head (and clutching your heart) kicking your own ass for having put up with such thoughtless behavior all along. I always say "I want the whole enchilada". It was still good without the sour cream, but in the long run, it no longer resembles an enchilada. Sorry this was a long rant. I am hurting and had I been smart enough to NOT settle for someone THOUGHTLESS AND SELF- CENTERED and spent 3 years in a difficult, long distance relationship with him, I'd be much less frustrated now. If we had lived closer, I think things would have become apparent much sooner.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 61 (view)

What is the Worst Thing You Experienced after a Long Term Breakup? Posted: 10/15/2009 2:40:04 PM
Its week 3, or is it 4 now............ I miss everything. Talking to him, getting calls, having things to look forward to, feeling loved and wanted, being touched, sex, and just being close. I know he must not be not Mr Right, but dammit, it was good when we were together but we lived 90 miles apart, did the driving for 3 years. So 3 years of all that the long distance entailed, always talking, hoping, dreaming about.....SOMEDAY when we'd finally be together. And he jumped ship - too afraid to face the thought of no more 90 miles I suppose. So, I feel all sorts of pangs, and feel stupid on top of it for feeling them, because he obviously is FINE.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 100 (view)

The Deep Spot Posted: 10/14/2009 7:46:31 PM
Ok -Bikeman, now flip her over.......... "face down belly on the mattress" and you won't hurt her and well, better put a towel down.

colorsoutsidethelines

Joined: 8/27/2008

Msg: 232 (view)

Best question ever asked. Posted: 10/14/2009 7:38:02 PM
So............you are not moving for a job, but "in the hopes" that the area has more desirable women there? WOW

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