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Thread: Find a date at 43 and 230 pounds!

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 29 (view)

Find a date at 43 and 230 pounds! Posted: 11/21/2005 4:53:26 PM
well, the minute people talk about certain subjects (politics, religion, anal sex and now, being overweight) defensiveness will sometimes step in. I looked at the OP's original post and she left it pretty wide open as to where she wanted "help". Suggesting weight loss is definitely up there as a way to help yourself.. not only in the dating scene, but in real life and health (as Georgie eluded to). I didn't see ONE post about being a loser if you were overweight, ekko. Not sure why you had to imply that at all. Yes, by human nature, it will DEFINITELY decrease your chances of meeting someone. But, iff you feel comfortable and happy in your own skin, then stay whatever weight that makes you feel that way. The OP didn't feel that way I am guessing, since she was asking for some help in this regard and posted very little about herself except her age, marital status and weight. Something in there is needing improvement in her eyes, so criticism on weight was something to explore with her. I would agree that weight loss is possible at any age.... so if you wish to open your world to more men, and wish to feel happy about yourself, then look into weight loss. But.. and this is a BIG butt.. (i mean big "but" of course.. =)... DO IT FOR YOURSELF. Losing weight is to help you feel healthy and happy for YOU... not to "catch a man". If I was in the poster's shoes, I would decide if i was happy where i was. If i was? I wouldn't change a thing. If i wasn't really happy... then I would look at any thing that may enable me to get that happiness. The world really is ours, OP. Good thoughts for you on whatever you decide.... blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 120 (view)

If I post more than once, does that mean i have problems? lol Posted: 11/21/2005 4:32:10 PM
bats eyelashes at wolfman... What am i gonna do with you? =)) OK Joe, I would like a male perspective on this... although of course, that doesn't mean anyone can't offer good thoughts and input here.. I had a good friend from high school move to Vancouver with her husband. At some point, they moved to the burbs where I didn't see much of her due to her busy job, family, etc. Her husband used to come to town on business a fair amount and he would call to say hi. Sometimes we went for lunch and he acted platonically so I figured everything was on the up and up. I always said "say hello to Highschoolfriend's Name" when he left and he said he would. We often spoke about her as well, and what she was doing, etc. Somehow over time, I got a weird vibe and had a feeling there was a reason my friend didn't call me any more. I had a feeling that it was more than her just being busy. So last December I told him that my new year's resolution for 2005 was to go out with both of them, since I hadn't seen my friend in so long. He said "well, give me a bit of time. She doesn't know I come to see you." ewwwwwwwwwww! I can't tell you how that felt. I felt slimy, even though i had done NOTHING .. and didn't even entertain a THOUGHT about him. I have NEVER been attracted to him, not even when they were dating! So now i'm in the middle of something because he hasn't been honest with his wife! Long story short... he continued to call and email me and leave me messages on my machine. I answered him for a while, thinking he would be talking to his wife and it would be ok. But after 5 or 6 months, I realized he had told me nothing about any chat... and so I stopped answering any calls or emails. I even screened every call so I wouldn't accidentally end up talking to him. Today I saw him on the street I lived as I someone was driving me home. Sure enough he had left me a telephone message. I ignored it as I had been doing since June now and figured he was going to EVENTUALLy get the hint that I wasn't going to be picking up the friendship anytime soon. I accidentally picked up the phone this afternoon as I was expecting a business call and was already on the other line. He says "ohhhhhhhhhh FINALLLY....". I said.. "Have you spoken to your wife yet?" He responded "no, not yet". I said "I don't want to be talking to you until you have spoken to her." And I hung up. I'm feeling somewhat naive that I got entangled in this whole mess in the first place. Should I have figured out that he was being sly even though we didn't do anything? Can't I consider that men can be friends ESPECIALLY since they are married to my friend? Honestly, men keep telling me they are so straightforward.. but THIS wasn't direct at all. It was sly and underhanded in my opinion. grrrrr =( blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 20 (view)

Why add ppl to favs and not msg them? Posted: 11/21/2005 2:14:14 PM
i LOVE this topic! I always wondered too. lol I put people on my favorites because I'm too busy to message them now, but they look interesting and I don't want to do the whole "search and rescue" thing online at a later date. It's kinda like bookmarking my favorite web sites to read later. Sometimes I put people there because they are my friend and it's easier to "stalk" them when i need to email them through POF. and I'm guessing that people put me on their favorites because of my posts in the forums. If i didn't believe that, I would have to figure out why women I don't know at ALL have me as a favorite... lol I like the idea of realizing these are people that like ya. I may not have a wallet full of photos of everyone I ever met, but I do have a listing of "People that have no idea who I really am, but think i'm kinda the bee's knees". =) It's all good. =) blissed p.s. What REALLY gets me is the ones that i add to my favorites and then they turn around and add me to their list! Do they not know that emailing or IM'ing is free? Or perhaps they are just used to Lavastrife... and think they need to buy more carrots? lol

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 118 (view)

If I post more than once, does that mean i have problems? lol Posted: 11/21/2005 1:15:35 PM
Ok, not sure what to do here Joe.. Scanning through the profiles on this site and I see an interesting profile. I clicked on it since it had a really sexy looking car as the photo and I wanted to see what context the car had to the person. The profile didn't mention a car. Nor did it have any photos of the guy (unless he was the one in the sunglasses, unrecognizable in the car photo.) I've always wondered why people post pix of vehicles as it puts non-material women in a bit of a predicament. In this case, I'm rather intrigued by what the rest of the profile says, but i feel odd contacting someone that appears to be somewhat shallow or trying for getting the female attention with a hot car as the bait. Am I shallow in reverse for not judging him on the fact that he has a car photo up? Should i give it a shot? What do i respond when he says "so what drew you to my profile?" I almost feel like it's a trap to get my attention before the guy will say "yeah.. i know you just want me for my car..." dammit dating can be too psychological sometimes.. lol. HATE the mind games.. lol blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 83 (view)

What is the #1 turn off you've encountered with the opposite sex? Posted: 11/20/2005 11:21:34 PM
One of my biggest turnoffs is wishy-washiness. Men? if you want to ask me out, put some thought and creativity into it please. I find the "so what do YOU want to do" back and forth conversation turns me off fast. Also, if you have an opinion that is different than mine, DON'T AGREE WITH ME. How patronizing! God forbid we each have our own brains and thoughts! =) and tied with the above for #1 would be a date that doesn't listen. So full of himself that he really is just trying to impress instead of finding out about who he is with. Listening skills are tremendously erotic! ALMOST #1 in turnoffs, but lingering in the #2 spot... thinking my eyeballs are below my neckline. If you can't look me in the eye, I'm just not that into you... blissed p.s. Smoking was already mentioned but for me, it's IMMEDIATE, not matter how put together the Armani suit and Gucci shoes may look. I can't help it.. it's a triggered response in me like a gag reflex, the minute i see you pull out your cigarettes...

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 192 (view)

Paying for dates Posted: 11/16/2005 4:57:47 PM
wow... i'm hoping i didn't misunderstand this one ya472, How in the world is wanting something CONTROLLING that person? I didn't say I made them pay. What i said is that if they pay it sends me a message. Nothing at all to do with "control". and if you read the rest of this thread, and my previous posts, you would note that I also said if I initiate the date, then I pay. Fair is fair. blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 98 (view)

Ask Joe Posted: 11/14/2005 2:07:08 PM
friendlyfemale =) amen sistahhhhhhh! and personally, i wish more men would just want to be friends with me. I seem to have all the fatal flaws (the deadly combination of big boobs but strong integrity for one!) that mean i can't be a friend and a lover. Why is it one way or the other to so many guys i wonder? I sense there is some background on your opinion. Do a post asking Joe for advice... he's GOOOD!! blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 96 (view)

Ask Joe Posted: 11/14/2005 1:46:15 PM
lol@ joe.. omg you crack me up!! Why this lovely date of yours couldn't see the beauty that is you, is beyond me! And it's definitely her loss! But.. for the sake of dissection (one can never be overanalytical... although i'm told otherwise on many an occasion lol), let's figure this out. 1. She said she needed to date more ar*eholes? hmmm. No two ways about it, she wasn't ready to meet someone with long term potential. 2. Another possibility is that you are a very very nice guy and she couldn't tell you the real reason because of that. Fear of hurting you for something that would have sounded weird to you, but it big for her (i.e. she's not attracted to your third nipple, extra long nose hair or the way you breathe irritates her, or the way you say hello reminds her of her ex.) 3. The "as if it never happened" scenario is the worst! Maybe in her mind, she is hoping that you can be friends. And as crappy as it feels right now to you, being friends is a good thing with great women. (oh.. what do i know.. i'd have to interview some great women to know that wouldn't i? lol) But I'll tell you why the friends thing is good. Often it takes longer for women to know if they really are attracted. Even if there is a chemistry thing happening, they want a solid friendship first. That friendship can be very very erotic as a relationship grows. Nothing sexier than TRUST in my opinion. (except for a great six pack...=0 Now if you think she's not being honest about the whole situation right now and is just avoiding the awkwardness, that's a different story. I say drop any hopes of even a friendship. Honesty is the best way to start a relationship, even a platonic one. Just some thoughts for ya! You are no consolation prize... remember that! You are a fab health guru with a great workout tape!!!!! And your own advice column!!! sheeesh.. what woman/stalker/landlord/boss wouldn't want ya???? blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 92 (view)

Ask Joe Posted: 11/13/2005 4:57:51 PM
perk... pie-eating is a sport??? FINAAAAAAAAAAAALLY some exercise that...er.. I can really sink my teeth into!! (groan) But that's definitely my kind of sport!! Joe.. I think you may have just become my new health guru!!! =) blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 84 (view)

Ask Joe Posted: 11/13/2005 2:18:08 PM
If pygalgia calls a 12v power tool "foreplay" what the hell does it take to finish the job?. er... i think they are called "jackhammers"? giggle (checks around to see if any censors are present) blissed, tossing a Tide to Go pen to help get out those nasty blood stains.. Use COLD water.. not hot.. when laundering your er.. furs. =)

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 69 (view)

Ask Joe Posted: 11/12/2005 1:33:53 PM
could be a fun product... although pandemonium may ensure in Home Depot if someone's kids head down the wrong aisle.. winks . Will we need ID to get into that section maybe? =) hmmmmm tools. I'm in the middle of building a large computer unit out of 3/4 birch plywood. I ADORE my jigsaw and my drill. I feel so very in charge with power tools. GUYS? i'm ON TO YOU... this is the reason you have tools isn't it? fess up!! I am gonna close now before Joe tells me I may need professional help. hee hee.. oh but pygalgia? don't think i missed your reference to handcuffs. i DIDN'T... no sirreee bob... =) blissed, wondering if Joe did a good job on his back. =)

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 58 (view)

Ask Joe Posted: 11/11/2005 9:59:18 PM
mmmmmmmm... clouds!! <--- sings "i look at clouds from both sides now".... then ponders funky teeth. Dear Joe? How can i find me a hot guy with normal teeth and doesn't need to shave his back? (no offense wolfman... =) blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 54 (view)

Ask Joe Posted: 11/11/2005 9:51:19 PM
Hey wolfman! I guess that dose of ha-ha i put in your blizzard helped!! wheeeeee. wink and joe? That guy that you surveyed in the bar that asked if i was hot? Was HE hot? i'm just curious... and stuff...blush blissed who wonders just how furry wolfman actually is on a scale of 1 to 10

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 48 (view)

Ask Joe Posted: 11/11/2005 9:14:12 PM
<---- doesn't watch horror movies.... <---- buys a round of Blizzards for wolfman in the spirit of giving... and one or two for Joe for all his excellent advice.. =) blissed, who needs to have a Blizzard now dammit...

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 44 (view)

Ask Joe Posted: 11/11/2005 8:36:42 PM
Dear Joe, Why does wolfman not have a sense of ha-ha? winks blissed who knows how to spell "swet"... sheeesh

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 43 (view)

Ask Joe (a touch long, grab a sandwich...) Posted: 11/11/2005 8:35:25 PM
Dear Joe, I had an endearing email sent to me on POF and have spent a few weeks emailing and msn'ing with the intent of finding out if this person was for real. I HATE HATE HATE email... so went to msn to at least chat enough before i felt safe giving out my phone number. Many msn chats with lots of jokes and fun and a few mentions of me feeling like the soul person insert leery look here. That's a bit soon, but we continued to chat in the vein that we were going to meet in real life. Finally the day arrived when we would make this virgin phone call (ironic since neither of us are ...... er.. never mind!). He asked me what time should he call? We agreed on a time. He phoned me get this 2 hours and 20 minutes late!!! This was on a Friday night that I had decided to stay at home... but what if i had wanted to go gorge myself at the Dairy Queen with a friend on a spur of the moment body-abuse kinda thing? What if i needed to head out to the gym (in a fit of uncharacteristically insane need for intense aerobic activity)? I was on the phone when the late call came in. I asked him if he was ok and I asked him to call me back in 20 minutes as I was on the phone with someone. He said he would. Fast Forward........ to.......... Monday. Talked to him on msn when i saw him sign on and asked him what was up? No real answer.. lots of back pedaling. I took the opportunity to tell him if he sets up a time to call ... then follow through. Otherwise don't set it up. I don't understand what the fuss was. He's thinking soul partner (whatever that may mean to him) and he can't follow through on a simple phone call? And on top of that.. didn't bother to even let me know the next day or 2 days later why he couldn't call back. Why do guys do this? Seriously Joe.. and don't just say "cuz he's a loser". I already got that part... lol. Do men have any logic at all for this? blissed, who enjoys her logic =)

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 39 (view)

Ask Joe Posted: 11/11/2005 8:19:28 PM
I've always wondered that! Seems that they would definitely sweat in the woods... they have all that fur!! blissed ;)

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 183 (view)

Paying for dates Posted: 11/9/2005 6:28:07 PM
never mind? mojo... it's all just input. Right? I figure we covered it every which way to Sunday maybe.. lol Plus, your dates are very interesting anecdotes to challenge our existing beliefs. Maybe it's just me... blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 94 (view)

Depression Posted: 11/6/2005 11:20:31 PM
hiya asb. hugs I'm confused about your post about the clouds and water to clear your head? Is this something that is done within anger management classes or something? A visualization exercise or something like that? I've not been one to deal with a lot of anger within myself, but i have lived with people that should have been in anger management classes. Perhaps I absorbed some of that, or perhaps I felt sad that it sapped so much of my optimism. But what i do know is that many people that don't know they have issues with anger, will never ever go towards getting better. If you feel you have some anger, then you are more than 1/2 way there, IMO. I was just discussing this anger/depression correlation with a friend tonite and what I realized was at the time, I didn't feel anger, i just felt horrible sadness. Somehow, I dealt with letting go of the bad feelings I had, even without knowing even to this day what the reason for my anger was. I think maybe "letting go" and forgiving yourself for not nurturing your soul is the way to best deal with anger. If it's about others, then let go of feeling angry about situations that were unfair. Forgiving them is a step too, although I don't think i've fully forgiven all those that deliberately messed with my mind. I don't know it's necessary to feel better, but it can't hurt, if you can do that. I forced myself DAILY to list 10 things I was grateful for. I know that sounds hokey, but it really did get my brain to focus on more positive things. Over time, I was happier because i KNEW there was goodness out there and I could be less angry about the horrible stuff. Just be kinder to yourself and know you are a spiritual being having a human experience. =) blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 87 (view)

Depression Posted: 11/6/2005 5:08:04 PM
Thx for the welcome back, grod! If you guys would quit jumping around on the threads I could keep up better ya know!! lol I notice as I get older my melancholy side of my makeup gets stronger and overcomes the easygoing side, so actually I become more depressive with age. And for some reason, I'm feeling lighter as I age. Hmmmm. I think perhaps it's because now that I've gone through it once (or twice even) that I know what to expect and am less scared of it taking over my life again. So, Grod, not trying to be nosey here, but do you think you have more anger as you age then? Is this the reason for the increase in your depressive moods? curiously blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 175 (view)

Paying for dates Posted: 11/6/2005 2:12:04 PM
gbg, I have been thinking of this a bit since i got involved in this thread. While it's true that things have changed considerably since the 50's and 60's, there is another perspective here. The fact that women now make their own money and own their own vehicles, businesses and condos actually make it MORE of an issue to me to be shown a guy is interested in me. If I can pay for my own accoutrements, then I have even LESS of a reason to "need" a guy in my life than I may have had in the 50's.. Also, if i am well off then I want to know the guy isn't wanting to date me cuz he can get a free dinner. (yes it's happened where men think i can pay for them because they aren't as "flush") I want to spend my time with men that are truly interested in ME.. and paying for me, indicates to me that they really want to take my time and make it fun. So to me, a guy is still a gentleman if he pays for the first date, assuming he asked ME out and not the other way. I don't have any issues paying for the date, but if it was HIS idea (i.e. it wasn't both of us deciding and he was making more of the moves than I was) then I want to know how interested is he in me? Is he prepared to depart with his money? (this tells me if he's stingy, generous, anal, etc.) It also tells me his priorities somewhat (he isn't worried about money as much as he's hoping I'll have a good time. IT's not really about respect. I just MET this guy.. being as it's a first date. If he's asked me, then it's about him making a good impression on me and for that, my respect will grow over time. But he won't get respect if he thinks i need to chip in for the first date. ESPECIALLY if he is travelling and has more frequent flier points than i EVER will. lol. and mojo? omg... i'm laughing hysterically here imagining your dating waddling around with er... an attitude! Perhaps this wild thang just needed a strip search? lol. and no.. you shouldn't have paid for the 2nd bottle... blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 85 (view)

Depression Posted: 11/6/2005 1:37:44 PM
I have to agree with inforn and asb, kyro. That was very concisely and eloquently put! Anger turned inward is the cause. I'm now thinking this is why so many people that do not understand depression to any degree, believing that it's "self induced" or at the very least, able to be fixed easily. And amidst all those that believe you can just eat better and exercise more or even take meds or just "buck up", that belief that you can control it often overshadows the need to find the root of the problem first (i.e. what is the reason for my anger?) When you have reached the chemical imbalance stage, you often don't know it's about anger at all! So how do you actually start to heal if you don't even know you have anger? You have to come to that important realization first. This really does add up. I know there was some subconscious anger within myself before and during my depression. Now that I have let go of the anger I no longer feel depressed. Some days are tough, but everyone has those tough days. It's nothing like i experienced years ago thankfully. Melancholy in the temperment of great genius, like Einstein, Beethoven, great musicians, artists, scientists, you name it. But melancholy also carries with it the curse of gloom, pessimism, and depression. It goes with the territory. It goes with this genius temperment. You know Grod, although I would hesitate to call myself genius, I have noticed that the more intelligent and deep thinking, creative types often experience depression. There should be much more education to the advanced students in school, and include at least the awareness that you are "different" and may not/don't fit in. Perhaps then, this could be guarded against before it reaches full blown depression. I'll also mention that i'm typically more creative in things like writing, designing and inventing when depressed. Somehow creative geniuses are able to funnel their moods into brilliant art. I wonder why that is? blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 150 (view)

Paying for dates Posted: 11/3/2005 8:08:17 PM
lmao.... mojo. this is entertainment at it's finest. How can we pass it up? =) blissed, who enjoyed all the posts.. S

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 115 (view)

Paying for dates Posted: 10/29/2005 12:13:59 PM
terminallycute, I think you were slightly harsh. Should he have paid for gas as well? Possibly even an extra $ for ever mile (or km) you know for general maintenance. And jumping to the conclusion that he tried to kiss her, shame on you. I disagree. I mean global, I know you have this ongoing one upmanship with terminallycute going, but I still have to comment. I think the point of terminallycute's post was that men put up with it, rather than set the record straight when it bothers them. I know she went on to say it should have been talked about. And for the record, asking a question is NOT an assumption. A question only becomes a statement when it's read improperly. I think you also missed a teasing tone in her post there, where she was gently ribbing mojo. I personally think the woman should have paid for gas if she wanted to drive her own car, especially in lieu of her lunch being paid etc. If it was mojo's idea to go to the park and for her to take her car? Then that would have been different. ARe we back on topic now? or do we have to see more defensive or attacking posts because we disagree with someone in the forum? sheeesh blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 102 (view)

Paying for dates Posted: 10/28/2005 12:18:27 PM
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mango! ONe of the best flavors at my fave gelato place!!! When you said "you will laugh".. i thought for a split second you were going to say "vanilla". OMG.. that's sooooooooo annoying when you go to baskin and robbins and they order "vanilla". Um.. what about 41 flavors don't you understand? lmao pink... if you ever come to vancouver, I'll treat you to Nutella and Pistachio flavored gelato and Mondo. Unbelievable how good they make those two flavors in particular =) ok.. have to go get gelato now dammit. lol blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 100 (view)

Paying for dates Posted: 10/28/2005 11:46:33 AM
pink, what flavor of ice cream did you have?=) Gelato dates are fun especially since the best gelato place downtown is a block from the beach. =) blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 99 (view)

Paying for dates Posted: 10/28/2005 11:45:26 AM
hiya gotapulse.. Yes... as i mentioned to mojo, if the woman asks the guy out, it's the woman who pays. Ya know, this is just second nature to me. If i ask a friend out for a drink (even a female best friend) I usually pay. And we have a give and take relationship that means sometimes she asks me out for drinks. In the situation of me just wanting to meet with someone I've not met before to talk with them about business ideas, decorating, etc, I offer to pay. Maybe it's because in business that's how it's done and that's what I'm used to. But this just makes logical sense to me. I am asking for that person's time and it's MY interest initially, so I pay for that meeting. And yes, it would be unfair to say that doesn't apply to women if the woman did the asking. blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 74 (view)

Paying for dates Posted: 10/27/2005 5:50:00 PM
If a women is fair minded she will go dutch. If a man is interested in a woman, he will figure out a way to not make money an issue. It's not about being "fair", it's about being creative. blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 73 (view)

Paying for dates Posted: 10/27/2005 5:47:33 PM
mojo... Let me just clarify your stance then. On a first date, where you did the asking, You would still expect the woman to offer to pay her way? I think it can get murky if you just mutually agree to meet after a long email situation or whatever, but if a guy asks the woman out, then he pays. Period. In the case of financial "unevenness" then suggest something that will NOT cause you financial ruin. (I like the gelato idea.. that's much more creative than coffee!) Men have explained this to me this way. "If i ask you out, I will pay for the pleasure of having your companionship." It is felt that the the role of the person that asks to pay for the privilege of their date's time and energy. The person who is asked out should not feel badly about not helping to pay since THEIR role was to be a great date and to put out. ok... joking about the put out part of course! But be a "good date". Be a good conversationalist, find out about the other person, be attentive and have a fun time. That's what the guy was looking for by asking you out in the first place - an enjoyable evening or lunch or whenever the date was. I personally don't see what is so "unfair" about that. Both people have a role in a great evening/date. That's how it was explained to me anyways... and I have gone by that ever since. blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 27 (view)

False advertising... Posted: 10/27/2005 1:01:48 PM
after reading devils post and rereading yours, brian... hmmmm. ARe you saying that your partner actually did those things with you with the sole intent to "get" hitched with you then? How exactly did she "lead you on"? My thought here is that after years.. (even shorter periods of time, even) people change. What I thoroughly enjoyed when i was at one stage of my life, I no longer have interest in. Just because i liked hiking 10 years ago, doesn't mean I will like it now. Perhaps I got tired of it? Now it's different if she said to you "i love hiking/whatever the activity" and showed you she did it all the time outside of doing it with you. I think actions in this case ALONE wouldn't be indicative of "false advertising" necessarily. I think that it looks and feels that way to you and maybe others. But is it really something done intentionally? Or did time and circumstances just change her priorities and choice of activities? blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 57 (view)

What do you think of what Tom Cruise said about depression and or psychiatry? Posted: 10/26/2005 3:01:11 PM
A veterinarian can't comment on treating a horse until he's been a horse? He can comment on it, but doesn't really have the horse's experience to base it on, right? He goes by what he knows with his experience. HIs experience would be more complete if he had the personal experience, right? In the case of Tom and depression, I am betting he's had a few bad days, but not had a full blown chemical imbalance. If he hasn't experienced it, it's really easy to say it doesn't exist. I myself felt much the same way before I had the experience. It made me not only humbler about how little i knew about mental and physical health, it made me realize there are options out there I hadn't considered. I'm saying Tom should research this further by speaking with people who've had this experience in order to get the whole story, to say nothing of more compassion. At least more people would listen to him and respect that he had done his homework. regarding "if you want to characterize it as full blown depression", I leave that diagnosis up to the doctors and experts. Even me, experiencing what i experienced, never called it "depression" until my doctor told me and I looked at the list of symptoms to make that decision. If you want to believe it's just a lot of bunk without seeing all the facts, then comment all you want. Just saying, it's not conclusive and certainly not accurate. blissed p.s. did you know that depression isn't just emotional? Psychology. A psychiatric disorder characterized by an inability to concentrate, insomnia, loss of appetite, anhedonia, feelings of extreme sadness, guilt, helplessness and hopelessness, and thoughts of death. Also called clinical depression. That's just from dictionary.com.. .that's not even from a medical dictionary. Were you using the word "depression" as in "feeling sad or despondent" only then? Maybe we are arguing a different concept here...

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

False advertising... Posted: 10/26/2005 1:26:59 PM
I like what you are making me think of, windsong... When you are soooooo happy with yourself we aren't grabbing at "the ideal life" (i.e. being married, having 2.4 kids, owning a house with the white picket fence.) We aren't so quick to need marriage or even having a guy. I'm thankful I live in today's day and age where at my age, you wouldn't call me a "spinster". gag lol. It's accepted that we must love who we are before we have lots to give a great relationship. And brian? think about this a bit. If she misrepresented herself to you, that sucks. And you can't do anything about it, because that has to be up to her. What you CAN do is be honest about who YOU are. Why pretend to the kids and why put up with it with your wife? There are things you can do that can change the dynamics. You can insist on counselling. You can have a heart to heart with your kids without even giving them details (something along the lines of "marriage isn't always perfect and I'm working on mine all the time" kind of thing. Kids know this anyways.. but it's nice to hear it from a trusted source and have it reinforced that they aren't imagining things.) Just be the honest, person that you are and perhaps your wife will follow suit eventually. I think the biggest lie i ever told myself was that i was having a happy childhood when i knew in my heart something wasn't right. I just won't ever do that again... it hurt me in countless ways and was not worth it. I badly bruised my psyche tripping over the invisible elephant in the front room.. =) blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 46 (view)

Do you really need to know everything about a person before you get into a relationship? Posted: 10/26/2005 1:06:52 PM
pky... So have you asked her what she feels the purpose of dating is? Is dating to her, like being engaged? Complete honesty is entirely sexy and ever so rare and is a great relationship starter! I think this woman is maybe scared of committing to a relationship and has built a very weird "rule" for herself so she can avoid feeling uncomfortable in a dating situation. Dating is really just getting to know someone face to face. blissed p.s. just read the post about sex with no emotional commitment. I agree completely with gothy. She is not ready for a real relationship. She is a great person, but the relationship part of her life is still in process. Now i see the need for her "rule" about needing to know everything before dating someone... that makes sense now.

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 23 (view)

What should I do? Posted: 10/26/2005 12:58:23 PM
1) First of all, the amount of time spent with your significant other, isnt always an indicator of the quality of time. Examine what you are doing and how connected you are when you ARE together. That is more telling than how much time you are together or on the phone. Do you still prepare for dates like they are something to really anticipate? or do you "hang out" and "see what happens". Don't take her for granted. 2) I agree with the poster that says it's something about the dynamics with her and her father at home. It's very natural that the father will want some influence at this point. He has time to make up, after all! Healing the relationship with the father is extremely important in order to have the optimum situation with you, so let her do that. If that is what she is doing, then you will likely reap the rewards of that healing. Be supportive of her in rebuilding the relationship with Dad, even if you don't respect Dad. 3) I also think it's normal to want to take some time for herself. The time decreased with you could be time she increases for herself. Perhaps she spent too much time with you in the previous 2 years... time that she really should have been spending on herself. 4) I have to be honest here, prepare yourself a little bit for finding out she has outgrown you or the relationship. No relationship is ever a guarantee and just remember that overall you love her and want her to be happy. What is hard is finding out she may be happier without you. NOT saying that will happen, but maybe just keep it in mind as you deal with the changes in the relationship. Hope it all works out danny.. and glad you are thinking about this with an open mind and not just your little "head". It's refreshing.. high fives! blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

False advertising... Posted: 10/26/2005 12:37:21 PM
It's this very thing I'm dealing with, with a close personal friend. He has a problem with his wife not giving him something behind closed doors. The wife absolutely refuses to do that for him. It's become an obsession now and he's cheating on her in order to get it. There are kids in the picture. And yes.. he's now finally started to talk about it with his wife. He's asked for an open relationship. She has agreed to split with him if he needs to "find himself". She is seeing a counsellor and he has still to go find one he feels safe confiding in. I've told him he needs counselling. He's resisting that. I think he needs joint counselling and not just his own counsellor because it's a strong point between BOTH of them. How else can you ever find the common ground? It sucks the situation he is in.. and that you are in brian. I have sympathy for how this must feel. But to put up with an unhappy situation forever just for the kids? Itscat is right... kids know. You may think they are ok, but they have a "knowing" on another level. I never told my parents they should divorce but i ALWAYS felt it to the core. I think that even living with two parents jointly/separately would have been much more enriching and calming than a place where happiness was just manufactured. If you aren't prepared to split, then the only other option is joint counselling. If there is a problem, there is a TON of energy given to that elephant on the coffee table that we all agree to just ignore. This energy is better spend talking with a subjective 3rd person about both your needs and your spouse's. Perhaps that will be the perspective she needs to hear. It's either that, or sign up to be on Dr. Phil... =) I don't think you want that. grin blissed p,s. Have you thought about what it is saying to your wife that you are staying in this unhappy relationship? I think you are basically telling her, your needs aren't as important as the kid's. That could be all the leverage she needs to NOT change anything at all. Counselling/Dr. Phil can change how she thinks about this "leverage".

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Should I wait? Posted: 10/26/2005 12:17:41 PM
There are no guarantees here. What if he never feels happy with where he is in his life? Are you prepared to wait for years until you see this happen? He's confused as well. He knows what he is giving up with you, but he needs to do this for himself. So of course, he will say "i wish i could get my act together". I think that's an honest, human response. He misses you! But you need to move on. Perhaps you dating others will even give him incentive to REALLY figure out what makes him happy in life. Perhaps it will make him sad. But the real thing here is YOU. You have to do what you can to move along in your life. No one is saying you can't get back with him at some time in the future. But to put your entire life on hold in hopes of something that isn't a sure thing? Well to me that's just not living. That's wasting time... The answer is "wait for a while while dating and keeping options open". Don't stop living your life. You will see the way things will work out over time... just my opinion... and hope it works out for you whatever happens. =) blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 55 (view)

What do you think of what Tom Cruise said about depression and or psychiatry? Posted: 10/26/2005 12:04:47 PM
whoa chinoa..... i didn't know that! I would pay money to see that!!! Now i'll have to tape Dr. Phil to make sure i don't miss that episode. lol blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 73 (view)

Depression Posted: 10/26/2005 11:12:24 AM
smoochies, i just want to clarify that I wasn't generalizing badly about "all doctors". I too have seen the odd good doctor, although to be honest, most weren't MD's. they were naturopaths. My comments were based on what I've seen in my years of seeing doctors here in Vancouver, Canada. I wouldn't call them assumptions as they are based on what has happened to me personally and not others. I actually sympathesize with doctors as they are usually overworked and have little time to do a lot of added research. I have a friend that works in a very busy doctor's office and she says that most doctors often take the information from the pharmaceutical reps as the reps are the ones that know about drugs more so than the doctors do. (i.e. reps know about new drugs, doctors know about the disease). My point is that doctors don't have hours and to spend researching each of their patient's best drugs/alternatives. I believe they know the standards and will often give you that as an option. But unless you can get in to see a specialist in your particular "illness" (good luck on that.. wow.. the waits are enormous!) then likely you won't get the up to the minute info. Nowadays, that is truly up to the patient to do their research and take it to the doctor. I myself have done that with various things that have come up, and I've had doctors say to me "oh... i've not heard of that" (vasovagal reactions.. apparently not common and had to test for without the right table). I have gone to doctors and said "listen, i want you to work with my naturopath on a solution" (re a growth that needed surgery). I've even asked them to test my blood for certain things that wouldn't normally show up on the list, since I've read an article or 3 on something that perhaps the doctor hasn't had a chance to hear about (mercury). AS to finding doctor's very interested in natural remedies? That's incredibly refreshing and I'll continue my search for those doctor's =) Actually one of my previous doctor's just wrote a book on stress.. and one of his remedies (besides antidepressants) for me when he told me i was depressed was to exercise more. He has my respect.... =) blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 72 (view)

Rdtoo Posted: 10/26/2005 10:59:12 AM
masterspirit... I see what you and rdtoo are both saying and I don't think you are really disagreeing. The way I see it is that there are TWO ways (likely more) of dealing with depression. You can have faith and do nothing else but work with spirit as you say. Or you can use your other gifts from God (brain, logic, intelligence etc.) and other tools that God supplies (doctors, the internet for knowledge, better nutritional options, etc.). Two things I want to mention: 1) Why do we need to choose one over the other? Maybe God wants us to eat better, exercise more. Perhaps he doesn't just want us to ENTIRELY have faith and do nothing else? 2) Some people when depressed just do NOT have faith in what the day holds, never mind if they have the strength to heal themselves. Faith can be the most difficult thing to muster up at the best of times, and when one is dealing with something that saps their energy and strength, it can be near impossible. Maybe at these points, God wants us to do what we can and whatever is possible for us at the time. Like I said earlier, I do believe faith can heal. But I don't believe that's the only way God heals. He's a bright God and I think he has many roads to optimum health. blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 52 (view)

What do you think of what Tom Cruise said about depression and or psychiatry? Posted: 10/25/2005 5:13:49 PM
I used to think that, bowvalley. But until you actually experience the bone-crushing chemical depression that won't allow you to get out of bed? Then you can't just blindly assume that nutrition/natural solutions will solve everything. This is coming from someone that did all the Tony Robbins/NLP stuff (including the firewalk). I used to like Tom, but find myself avoiding his films even. I figure he is just like myself - a NON-expert on post-partum depression. But I've been closer to experiencing this firsthand than Tom has. I've experienced the hormonal thing and I've experienced clinical depression. (we aren't talking about a little mood swing that you get over by eating some greens.) Depression is NOT merely a function of the way you think. It's much more complex that that. It involves brain cells, behavior, thoughts and chemicals. Since I am not a brain surgeon or expert, I will leave the possibility that there IS such a thing as a "chemical imbalance" open, especially since I've been personally involved in my own depression/chemical imbalance. By the way, I didn't take meds for it. Not sure now that was the right idea. But it was my choice. blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 58 (view)

Depression Posted: 10/25/2005 10:21:19 AM
hey smoochie!! My post was to eagleeye. HIs post is on the first page of this thread. But you bring up some good points... Of course, faith can heal but I don't think it can heal a chemical imbalance to the point that no other modality should be considered. Well, some people do get healed by faith alone. So I'm not sure it can't entirely heal a chemical imbalance. However, I do believe God gave us a brain, a heart and free will for a reason and doesn't expect us to not use those resources. I say do whatever you can to heal yourself - that's the journey. For me the meds work the best not that some or a combination of the others haven't worked. I think this is a big problem these days. There is such a stigma about being on meds! Listen, when you have Cancer almost without exception, it's entirely accepted that you will be doing chemo. (yes.. some believe that's the wrong approach, but it's more rare.). I am helping an online friend who at the age of 14 is so depressed, that she cuts herself. She kept trying to tell her parents that just eating better was NOT helping. She finally got to counselling and was eventually put on meds and I've seen a TOTAL difference in her happiness level. She was warned (by me) almost without ceasing to make sure she did her research on whatever drug the doctor put her on, because it was HER body. She also is fully aware that the time will come where she will have to be weaned off the meds gradually. Sudden stopping of the drugs will be brutal and not advised. There was a time when I was doing the Tony Robbins/NLP/self help seminars and reading, that I was quite judgemental about using drugs to cure yourself. Yes, if you can heal using more natural remedies, that's definitely the better way. However, after hitting rock bottom and seeing what true depression looks like, I can see the reasoning for drugs to help you get back to that functional place in your life. I could barely get out of bed, so how in the world was I going to be able to go buy some groceries with thought put into what my healthy food choices would be? Whatever helps you make the next baby step is the right answer. But as info says, just make sure you research it. Doctor's do not have the time to do this kind of background info for their patients, nor are they taught to any large degree about natural alternatives. They get their info from the pharmaceutical reps almost exclusively, unless they are one of the more diligent ones that keep up on their own research on their own time. blissed p.s. i LOVE that you said "honor your feelings". p.p.s Wouldn't it be great if Tom Cruise could read this thread? IMO he has a lot to learn about "chemical imbalances".

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 46 (view)

Depression Posted: 10/25/2005 12:58:31 AM
asb, I think your question depends on "how" depressed you are. I know i've been down/lonely/moody/etc where doing things like journalling, exercising, eating better, having supportive friends, and changing behavior and thoughts have helped. I have also at one point in my life, reached the mind-numbing, headcrushing, can't get out of bed, dysfunctional type of depression. This is definitely a chemical imbalance where even thoughts can't be controlled (the scariest part of being depressed, in my opinion.) To the person that posted that it's not logical to have faith and be depressed, I suggest to you this analogy. If I had cancer, that wouldn't negate me having faith in God. Being clinically depressed is not simply the opposite of being happy. It is an illness, and Christians do have illness thrown into their journey to deal with, perhaps to test their faith. And info, for the most part I agree with your clean living/non drug approach. AFter living the depths of the very deepest parts of depression without drugs (even when prescribed a few times by my doctor), I can safely say you CAN survive without the drugs. But I'm not sure I would want to do it that way again. It's nice to not have to deal with weaning off anti-depressants, I suppose. But that was literally a black hole of not being able to do ANYTHING without a huge effort. That's time I'll never get back. asb, it's a tough decision to make. And as much as i believe in the true power of the mind, I have to say that sometimes it's a good idea to look at all the alternatives. The plus of the PROPER antidepressant may have short circuited the imbalance in my chemicals. And honestly, I don't think I could have been any more numb, even if I had added meds to my treatment. Be sure to make a very informed decision with your trusted doctor and others that have been depressed and gotten good results (the internet is a great place to get this kind of info). And remember to take it in steps. Took me 9 months of barely functioning to get to a place where i could start feeling that nutrition would help me. So don't beat up on yourself while you are healing. We are all just works in progress after all =) blissed p.s. Aren't psychologists by law unable to prescribe drugs? Perhaps it's just here in Canada where psychiatrists are the only psychiatric practitioner allowed to prescribe. But i'm with you on non trusting the pharmaceutical companies...

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

Is this a good first message? Posted: 10/21/2005 7:54:57 PM
<----- cracking right up over that "first message".... too funny kitsilano S blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 70 (view)

Selectively Quoting the Bible for ones benefit... Posted: 10/20/2005 8:27:39 PM
thx Gord.. =) I'm not going to be getting mad... although getting irked happens now and then. lol I seriously wondered if you had a uncertainty about my post... and hope it didn't come across as sarcastic. Thx for the welcome.. =) I'm learning lots. I think it's kewl that last Sunday afternoon i was finding out Bible stories I wasn't aware of. =) blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 69 (view)

Selectively Quoting the Bible for ones benefit... Posted: 10/20/2005 6:03:39 PM
Thank you Gord but I grok that you have some uncertainty about it? winks to Ed Seriously, is there a part of it you aren't sure about? I'm interested in your point of view on the neutrality on some Bible passages. blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 68 (view)

Selectively Quoting the Bible for ones benefit... Posted: 10/20/2005 10:36:34 AM
About the topic, it seems a lot of people are quoting the bible right before our eyes to show that they are not guilty of such a thing, and that it's only what God intended, etc. Yes, I once had a woman in church tell me that God doesn't like women cutting their hair (yes, after I got a new layered shag haircut... LOL) She quoted me a Scripture that said something like "if a woman have long hair it is a glory unto her". Well, in context with the preceding verse that was speaking about how men shouldn't have long hair, it didn't "add up" to me that women getting their hair cut was a sin. It was merely ok to have long hair. (i.e. it was a neutral stance on women and long hair.) So your post has made me think. While I know there are those that will use verses to say "we are SUPPOSED to drink" to me I feel it's a neutral stance. God didn't intend we MUST drink, should drink or will drink. It is only clear that we are not to be drunken and must do everything (including drink) in moderation. And as far as the ever popular "well, Jesus drank wine all the time", I feel that still must be put in context as to the culture and the rituals of the times. It's not a good reason to drink wine all the time, IMO. blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 53 (view)

Alcohol Posted: 10/19/2005 3:06:50 PM
Hello frivol... Did you find any answers about becoming a Nazarite after birth? I'm curious... so whenever you get a chance, I'd love to hear.. blissed p.s. Is this still a practice that is followed? Or is just a historical ritual that isn't followed today?

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 164 (view)

Religious PCism Posted: 10/19/2005 3:04:50 PM
Be cautious that you aren't arrogant and unopen to seeing the point of someone's post. You may never agree with them, but to tell them they are "wrong" is really telling them "i'm much smarter than you". And when you go further and actually type "always wrong" ... then that is even worse, in my mind. It certainly doesn't make you someone that people will listen to with respect. I believe this part has already been clarified in the other thread. :) Then that would be your belief and not mine, pman. I saw some of your defensiveness, but your actual "explanation" held no water. I didn't put the whole part of that verse because I was only referring to one specific portion of it. I just pasted it in that thread explaining. You could go over and read. You "could go over and read" what I said very clearly. I didn't have a problem that you put part of a passage. What I said was the verses you posted were out of the context of your stance. The red herring about quoting parts of passages is just that- a red herring. Let's keep the debate to what I actually said. Your verses in the alcohol thread were out of context. I hope that is clear now. It is also interesting that you think i didn't "read" your post. When I post on this forum, I do so with a lot of thought as to how my thoughts could be taken out of context. I am careful to write clearly so that doesn't happen. I read my post no fewer than 3 times before I hit send. I think a lot about what I'm responding to and wonder if I am responding to what the person was trying to say. I take the post I'm responding to in the context of the entire thread. I read the Bible passages that are quoted MANY times, and I read the verses surrounding them. You can't assume someone's attitude using these mediums. I could be laughing and writing something on here and or putting a "Lol" and being serious. If you put an "LOL" on it, that shows you are joking. (duh!) If you come out and call someone stupid without a LOL, at the very least it's ambiguous. If you have a whole thread of posts with a holier than thou attitude, which gets more defensive after another poster calls you on it, my "assumption" is that you aren't just joking. And if you show LOL's when you are serious, then I call that "dishonest". What would possess you to be dishonest about what you are really feeling about something you post? That is disturbing and pretty much supports my gut feeling that you are just here on the forums to mess with minds. from another post... Don't try to manipulate the verses so that you would could drink as you are addicted to it. That was just a rude, out of place, uncalled for and childish comment. What gives you the right to: 1. Assume someone is addicted to alcohol? 2. Bring this up in a forum when the thread has NOTHING to do with someone's real life behavior? I think you need to stick to the topic, and stop insulting our intelligence with all these red herrings. We DO see them and we do know they are futile attempts at times, to sidetrack us when you haven't been able to substantiate a post. Pman, I'm going to just be repeating things here as you aren't clueing in to what the tone in your posts have created. I am wasting my breath (so to speak) repeating this endlessly in response to your defensiveness. A long time ago, I realized that the definition of insanity is repeating the same action over and over again, and expecting a different result. You've been called on your behavior, and the rest now is up to you. I'll be watching, but likely not responding.. blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 49 (view)

Selectively Quoting the Bible for ones benefit... Posted: 10/18/2005 3:27:31 PM
grok ( P ) Pronunciation Key (grk) tr.v. Slang grok·ked, grok·king, groks To understand profoundly through intuition or empathy. (from dictionary.com) GREAT WORD.. i love it. =) Glad I looked this up... had no idea it had to do with intuition. =) blissed

blissed

Joined: 10/7/2005

Msg: 46 (view)

Selectively Quoting the Bible for ones benefit... Posted: 10/18/2005 2:53:57 PM
Hey Carrie.. you're welcome... =) I do not believe however, that the old testament is a good moral account at all. The OT condones murder, human sacrifice, slaughtering of babies, slavery, infidelity (more than one wife and sleeping with concubines), hate towards other faiths, & severe punishment for what we now consider trivialities (eating pork, manner of dress, divination, etc). Well, I don't think it's God that is condoning these acts. He was the one that was angered when he saw this immorality. I feel that whoever wrote those accounts has his/her slant on how he felt God (or who he felt was God) reacted. That would account for a lot of the hatefulness we can feel in many of the stories in the OT. The problem is that many christians, particularly the Pentacostals in which I was raised, take the Old Testament LITERALLY. They still preach these things, and they truly believe that to go against them brings on everlasting fire to the soul. It is one thing to believe these things, but these people pass these beliefs on to thier children rather strictly, brainwashing them and causing fear, which is the whole purpose of the Old Testament. Ok.. thanks for reminding me to not be Pentecostal!! Wow. =) I believe that love is the opposite of fear, and so the hellfire and brimstone approach can be "anti-christian". The power of love is a major focus of the New Testament. Boy do I ever...unfortunately this was the "Christianity" that I was exposed to most of my life and probably the reason for my defensive attitude towards the book in general, and the viscious, vengeful, cruel God that Old Testament displays. I can definitely see how that would have influenced you or anyone! I know I had my share of "weird" and unfounded rules while being raised and them being "wrong" according to the church. My minister just did a great sermon a month or so back on how the Church created rules and how those have been changed over time, since they weren't Biblical rules. He mentioned premarital sex even (which made me wonder how many people in the pews gasped inside themselves. lol). My point is that because we've been given a brain and a heart, it is really up to us to discern which is "right" according to God. A good church (one coming from love), a good minister (gifted and knowledgeable in how the Bible was written in, when, etc. so that it can be taught within context) ... these are the ways I have been able to drop some of my previous beliefs on what is right or what is wrong. The Old Testament does preach these things though, like I said, with no indication to the reader that they are not to be followed. If I wrote a book today on "How to Maintain Your Computer", I would write about how I know you should maintain a computer NOW. I'ts not likely I would think that in a few hundred years, someone will look at my book and say "well, she's using an Commodore 6400! She shouldn't be telling me how to use my Dell-o-rama BS 128A" and type in a warning on the front page. Times change and writers don't often look into the future to warn subsequent generations. I think that the problem really is that some Christians don't look at the culture, the laws and the lifestyle of the OT stories when they teach it. This of course, can greatly skew the context. blissed

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