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Spontaneousjay

Joined: 9/3/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

No matter what the woman looks like, why does the guy always have to be fit/muscle bound? Posted: 2/1/2009 2:41:05 PM
I knew this would probably stir up some tension. I see many defensive reactions which could hold some truth to my point of view. Fooked Off Amy Is it cheese time yet?? Whine already here, so where's the cheese??? Way to generalise all women BTW However, I do apologize if I came across as "generalizing all women". I'm stating what I experienced, that I have NOT met one person who was interested in me because of my face, or personality during the time that I was fat. They simply said "I was nice". So I am not generalizing, I'm speaking from my own personal experience. Had I met someone who liked me because of my face and personality, I would have shared that experience with you. Since I had not experienced that during my fat time, I cannot speak from the point of view that I have expressed here. Pretty logical. Until I meet the woman who I'm attracted to who doesn't judge soley on the body, but the face and personality, I can only "assume" that many women are like this. You ladies have no idea how hard it is or was being a fat guy. I've seen many fit men with BBW's because that's what they like. Heck I had been turned down by a couple of BBW's as I wasn't fit. How can you say my thinking is warped? I'm living it all as time goes on. I see what I see, I feel what I feel it's simply reality I've come to grips with. My therapist agrees that most women want a fit guy. She even warned me about what would happen as got in much better shape. Sure enough, she was right. My thinking is right on the ball. silentsteel Well you certainly win the award for the longest winded rant for the week. When you were playing all those contact sports, I'll bet you werent running around looking for a plump one. You my friend have had the rare ablity to change roles, and look through the eyes of someone who maybe be on the rather large side. What you do with that knowledge will define if it was worth it. You don't know me, or the type of people I'm attracted to. So you are quick to judge me. Most of the girls I dated when I was in shape were actually considered quite chubby but in my eyes they were beautiful. As for what I will do with the ability of seeing things from both sides, I've been using it to become a better person and a personal trainer to help people. I care about people and that's why I finally left computers to become a personal trainer and take a degree in Exersice Science on the side. I know what it's like for people, that's why I want to help them, be there for them more than just a trainer. I will be their mentor and some what of a therapist. I have experienced what they have so I can be there for them. This is what drives me in life now. So some of you are pretty harsh to judge someone you don't even know face to face. Big and Rich same thing happened to me man.I was 250 and droped down to 185 and the wimen just flocked to me after that.Its best not to try and figure it out but just to go with it.After a while tho you'll start to see past their beauty and see them for who they really are and thats where you'll have to make a choise cause the hotties can be a freak show under all that beauty too. But still,go out and get yourself a couple of hotties along the way.The high you get from being with a beautiful women should be experianced to the fullest.Dont let it pass you by. The same thing is happening to me that happened to you. So it is clearly reality. I don't see any warped way of thinking here. I ask that no one insults me again until you know me as a person and know's what I've been through the last year especially. As for my therapy and transformation not being completed, none of you I'm sure are trained professionals. My therapist is quite happy with how I've come along and who I am now. thebugisback OP, I'm sure you didn't intend to, but you come across as more than a bit of an a$$. If all these women you like(d) were rejecting you and you had/have no success you need to take a look at the common denominator - you. What kind of woman are you really attracted to? I can tell you that when I was much, much younger how the man looked was important to me. Why? Because I felt that having a good looking man proved my value. Talk about warped thinking. Since then I have learned to accept myself. Now my tastes have changed. What I look for in a man is that he is someone I can respect, is intelligent, has a good smile and nice eyes. I even tend to prefer them on the pudgy side. This is one of the most intelligent and real replies I've seen yet. I can see how I come across as an a$$ totally, but if the shoes were reversed to anyone here, you'd be feeling the same way I have been. You are right in regards to me being the common denomitator. This is something that therapy has allowed me to clearly see. Sure I've changed a lot inside since I was fat as well as on the outside. Maybe I'm meeting the people I want to now because of who I am now? More confident, easy going, fun etc.... I totally agree as I feel much better on the inside and the outside. Like you, my tastes have changed. I am not very choosy as no 1 bby said that women should be. As mentioned in my original posting, if I meet the person who's athletic/fit, or a little bit on the chubbier side but portray's all the personality traits I seek, that's what I look for.

Spontaneousjay

Joined: 9/3/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

No matter what the woman looks like, why does the guy always have to be fit/muscle bound? Posted: 2/1/2009 1:32:40 PM
No matter what the woman looks like, why does the guy always have to be fit/muscle bound? I would like to share my experiences as my photo's are older and can never find the time or a person to take new pic's. My camera sucks. I know women who receive shirtless or tank top pic's from guys find it cheesy. Yet if the guy happens to look unfit in what he's wearing, you don't give him the time of day. The past 10 months I've gone through a total body transformation losing 60lbs and over 17" from my entire body. This was caused by a now stable thyroid condition. I am around 5'11", I was about 240lbs with a 42" waist, now I am 185lbs pretty much all muscle and a 32.5" waist. Because of this and how I could see things changing, I also went for therap for 5 months. I'm very greatful as I'm a much better person over all now. Last May was when my thyroid was stablized and finally started to lose weight. I always had a large amount of muscle and strength as I always played contact sports growing up, just started to gain a lot of fat and water due to my thyroid problem. I haven't really had a girlfriend for 3 years. Prior to May, the women I liked would not even give me the time of day. Or when they'd meet me, I'd see the look of disappointment in their face and would never hear from them again, or "you're not my type", "I'm just not feeling it with you", "I need to feel physical attraction with someone", "I'm busy" and blah blah blah. The type of woman I'm attracted but not limited to include fit and athletic, even a bit muscular but still feminine, some one with a bit of meat on them and well proportioned, even a bit chubby (to the point by today's standards considered fat). I am turned off by too skinny, today's run way models and too heavy. Beyond that, they have to have a good personality i.e. fun, humorous, easy going, open minded, spontaneous, sexual, playful, caring, affectionate etc.... So in the long run that's what I look for and the outside becomes secondary. My point is, if that personality type belongs to any of the above body types, that's what will seal the deal for me. Prior to losing weight, not even chubby girls (i.e. needing to lose a good 20-30lbs) who I found very cute and nice personality would give me the time of day. They said I was not fit enough for them. Yet they had confided in me that guys would reject them for being too heavy. In my eyes, they were just fine. Now that I'm fit, I've met a lot more women even 6' tall women who would not have given me the time of day last year now want me along with gay men. The funny thing is, people still judge online very quickly as when people meet me in person, I see the "I want you up and down look" I have to ask you ladies, why the guy always has to be perfect and for the ladies, it's ok for you to be some what over weight??? I'm not trying to offend anyone here. I've done a lot of soul searching and found who I am, I'm comfortable in my own skin and do love myself. The therapy has really helped me a lot and I only see her once a month if that now. I simply would like to hear your point of view? I do understand that every body is allowed to have a physical preference, but why so picky? If people are getting rejected for not being someone's type? Shouldn't they either get in shape as I have, or be less choosy? I am very open in regards to physical appearance to the people I meet, half of the women I've dated since the fall did not work out at the gym. So they would be considered average, but in my eyes they were beautiful along with the person who they were inside. I ask that no one insults me as you don't know me or what I've been through and experienced over the past several months now that my transformation is almost complete. I thank you ladies for your time and opinions

Spontaneousjay

Joined: 9/3/2008

Msg: 33 (view)

I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person Posted: 12/17/2008 9:17:49 PM
Thanks again, you are right!!! That's what I've been trying to do, I've been hooking up with really hot women. It seems to last a month or so and then fizzles out. Lately, I've been the one who seems to let them fizzle out as I've realized that the person is not for me. It kind of sucks but is better for the individual in this case me. I just think it's weird that I haven't met one person yet on Plenty Of Fish that I'm interested in. I have been luckier in meeting potential mates on Craigs List. It's too bad that the women in Montreal on POF are not responsive as it would be much simplier considering I do have a some what busy life and don't go to clubs or bars. Oh well, like you said take it as it comes and let her find you while loving yourself!!! Agree 100%

Spontaneousjay

Joined: 9/3/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person Posted: 12/17/2008 8:24:49 PM
This most certainly helps quite a bit. I will reveal that I was in therapy especially during my body transformation. I started seeing how women and people in general were treating me much better. The therapy has really helped me become a much stronger and better person. It especially taught me how to love myself whether dating or alone. This last several week relationship I was able to very quickly disconnect emotionally from her in just a few days. As hard as it was to do, I realized it is the best thing for me to do. I definitely have seen your point that giving up the nice guy for a short time did get me laid by hot women earlier this fall. But I have realized it's not me. I learned to have balance and am very playful instead. I have developed my game so that I can be nice, yet still show my masculine side. Recently this has gotten me quality women both phsyically, and mentally. This is what I will continue to do as I deserve the best. I do appreciate your story as I've shared these same experiences.

Spontaneousjay

Joined: 9/3/2008

Msg: 29 (view)

I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person Posted: 12/17/2008 7:31:20 PM
I do see your point. But for argument's sake, I give people the benefit of the doubt and meet them in person usually a public place. I tend to get a lot of attention from pretty women now that I am in top shape. Let's say at the gym if someone new has started to pay attention to me, I will watch how they interact with others, how they carry themselves when they think no one is watching etc.... This for me is a good indicator on whether or not I will date someone. But I can't always judge that either, maybe someone had a bad day at work, a relative or friend passed away etc.... These factors will obviously temporarily alter someone's behavior and attitude. I'm just curious at what type of "look" you are referring to? Do you see it in any of my photo's? I've never been told I have a "look" by anyone I've dated. I was dating someone for a little over a month (didn't work as she has to move out west) who said that I was caring, a bit of an ahole (in a good way), playful, have a great body, excellent lover, a heart of gold, have direction intelligence and ambition, very fit and sexy. That was really nice to hear. The only reason it isn't lasting with us is because she has to move for a job to Alberta. We actually met on Craigs List. The profile that I have here, I used on CL and sent her the same photo's as did she. Within a few days we met for the first time, got a long soooo well that we were intimate on the first meeting. It was nice that it didn't turn into a one night stand as it's not my thing. Just sucks that she has to move, but I'm ready to move on and be friends with her it's all good. I don't see a rebound effect with this one. But my point for sharing this story is that we met online and both of us liked every thing about one another and it worked. It's weird, I've had better luck meeting people on Craigs List than POF. This is something I find strange Any how, I just find it frustrating that the women I want to date from here never reply yet on Craigs List they do???? I don't get it???

Spontaneousjay

Joined: 9/3/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person Posted: 12/17/2008 10:02:33 AM
Well, I've been working my best to appeal to the type of woman I want to date and develop a long-term relationship with. Unfortunately it's these women that hardly ever reply. I think my profile is quite honest and to the point. When people meet me in person, they always tell me how sexy I am and the qualities they find most appealing about me. So I don't understand what's the problem online? It's such a P.O. as I don't go to clubs and don't always have time to get out. It's too bad really. I hope some of the women in Montreal stumble upon this thread.

Spontaneousjay

Joined: 9/3/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person Posted: 12/17/2008 9:04:26 AM
I'm quite pleased with all the replies. I know it can be tough to meet everyone. I try my best to meet everyone with the time given. Considering I do get a lot of messages each week and am quite busy with my personal training business and part-time school on the side, I don't like to take a chance in missing out on meeting someone who's really great!!! What I look for is a physical attraction along with personality, stability, direction and ambition. I've turned down sex with really hot women because they either had nothing to say, or had sex with them but did not want to continue because they themselves had no ambition or direction in life. My goal is to take a part-time BSC in Exercise Science while I work in my business. I'm starting with my math and sciences and will apply for the BSC at Concordia later on. But I will take everything on a part-time basis. I'm pretty much stable in my life both internally and externally. I know where I am now and where I'm going with my career path. Why?? Because I still want to have a life and time for a relationship along with work, friends and family. What I don't get is that I've been told that "I'm not their type", mean while I may have met the person by accident some where while out and they really liked me. I've also noticed that now a days women really emphasize on having a really fit guy along with ambition, direction and other qualities. I know this is true as over the last 8 months I've lost about 47lbs and 14" over all on my body. 8 months ago, women wouldn't give me the time of day. Now the same women practically throw themselves at me. I've turned down most of them just for my own moral. I look for someone who see's me for who I am on the inside as well as the out. And I look for the same in a woman. I'm pretty open minded to physical appearance. I prefer fit and athletic, but I'm also open to a bit of meat as long as the woman is height and weight proportionate. Things like hair colour also don't bother me along with race. I'm open minded this way as I don't want to lose a chance of meeting someone special As for age, I tend to prefer 35-40yrs old. I simply seem to get along better with women older than myself. So as for judging someone as to whether or not they're "my type", I can only know if I meet them in person and get a true feel for them. I'll first look at physical, and then will want to see if they're capable of having a real conversation. It's too bad many women judge too quickly as I bet they've let the good one's slip by many times. Just the way I feel about things, and I appreciate all your replies. More are welcome!! Happy holidays

Spontaneousjay

Joined: 9/3/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person Posted: 12/16/2008 2:02:30 PM
I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person is a much different experience. I've found that too many hide behind their computer and write someone off without even having been around them where the actual connection would be present. I think it's just too easy for someone to look at a few pic's and written profile on a computer screen than it is meeting face to face. I personally can't tell if someone is my type or not unless I've met them in person giving them the benefit of the doubt. IMO, life is too short and you never know who you're going to meet. Do any of you ladies and gents share my opinions? Happy holidays :) Jay

Spontaneousjay

Joined: 9/3/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject someone online Vs. live? Posted: 9/15/2008 1:57:34 PM
I thank you all for your replies, especially ones from the ladies.... I've actually had this happen to me before and I find it really annoying. For example I've been in contact with someone and it didn't turn out at all, or a total blow off immediate without even a reply to a genuine email, I have actually run into a couple of people from POF completely by accident Strangely enough, it was the women who approached me because they liked my look, started talking and even ended up seeing one another. I later told them that they rejected me online and they didn't believe me LOL. I showed them the emails that were still stored, and their jaw dropped LOL. They'd say something like, I don't know what I was thinking to turn down a hottie like you!! Or just in a matter of pride, I'd recognize them from POF during the accidental meet and I'd bring up the fact that they were very rude to me and didn't even give me the time of day for whatever reason online. Now that you're live next to me, you are all into me?? I would say to them, what's so different now that I'm in person than online? Of course they'd hem and haw before I'd complete their sentence, "see, it's not so easy to judge someone by a few pics and a profile now is it?" It really is too bad that people are much harsher online than in person. But I guess I can agree with the one lady who stated it allows you to be safe from a distance and see if you have any further interest in following up. My opinion, if too much time is spent chatting online, and more than a week or two goes by without meeting, there will be nothing left to talk about in person where you get a real sense of who you're meeting. I think if one has had more than 3-6 chats depending on the situation, the person simply sees you as someone to chat with and has no interest. At this point I remove them from my MSN or delete their number from my phone. Sounds a bit mean, but I do have standards for myself and dont' have time to waste chatting online. I also agree with the lady who stated that someone who doesn't post a pic is usually trying to hide someone I.E. husband/wife, GF/BF etc..... In the end, I do think it's harsh to not give someone a chance to even meet up to get a clearer picture. Obviously, you meet in a public place, some where not so expensive so no money is wasted if it doesn't work out, and then carry on with your life. I wish it was this easy for guys. LOL it's hard enough online for us getting spam for adult websites, from local Call Girls, and other garbage, but to have the added bonus of a woman not even trying you out makes it that much more unpleasant. I do still try to meet people at the gym or work etc... But at least in my gym people are either already taken, or they are made up barbie dolls LOL and not my cup of tea. Any how, if anyone wants to add further comments to my reply it's much appreciated. Thanks again to everyone who replied, opinions greatly appreciated.

Spontaneousjay

Joined: 9/3/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

When do you email or IM someone on POF? Posted: 9/15/2008 9:30:17 AM
Well from a guys point of view, I take a look at the woman's profile to and I quote "try" and get a sense of who she is as the profile is what initially attracted me to them. If I'm physically attracted to them, that's an added bonus. Once communication has been established, I really try to get a feel for their personality by chatting with them (which is hard for me as I can't always be online due to my schedule and not near a computer). I do my best to create a sense of comfort, after all it's awkward for me too. Once that has been established, I try to find out more about them. This is where I will be able to better judge if I'm actually into someone. If they don't have much to say, leave short replies, or don't ask me anything about myself I will know I'm wasting my time and end the conversation. If all goes well, I will chat with them a few more times and try to arrange an unpressured meeting to really see if there's an over all connection with them and take it from there. if not, no harm done I'm a picky person and would rather not waste anyone's time. Just an opinion from a man.

Spontaneousjay

Joined: 9/3/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject someone online Vs. live? Posted: 9/15/2008 9:18:01 AM
Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject someone online Vs. live? I'm new to the online scene, as I ended a 3yr relationship 4 months ago as no more connection was there on either part. I don't do the club scene and I'm tired of the made up barbie's at my gym so I thought this would be a good experience to meet people with similar interests and values. I'm noticing that it seems very easy for people to turn someone away just by reading a few words on a profile and looking at a couple of pictures than it is to actually turn someone away while meeting live. Obviously you choose people who you think would be compatible with you to communicate with and vice versa. For me personally, after I communicate with someone, I can't turn them away without having experienced them live. For me, that's the only way to get a better feel of attraction, chemistry and their personality. I'm just curious about other people's views on this subject?

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