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 Author Thread: These are our Rules!
 A_REAL_Sweetheart
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 26 (view)
 
These are our Rules!
Posted: 9/14/2007 12:37:52 AM

Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
... And the exceptions to these rules include ... __________! __________! __________! __________! __________! __________! __________! __________! __________! __________! __________! __________! __________! __________! __________! __________! __________! __________! __________! __________! __________! __________! __________! __________! __________! __________! __________!

 A_REAL_Sweetheart
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 25 (view)
 
how is love lost and found
Posted: 9/13/2007 11:38:09 PM

how do you keep love alive and maybe explore how past loves have have been lost
I am reminded of the metaphorical story about how love is like a garden ... Plant seeds ... use fertilizer, just the right amount of water, sunlight, trim hedges, get rid of weeds (i.e., "Resolve issues" - Don't ignore them! BUT, choose your battles, wisely! Not everything is worth arguing about. Yet, some things necessitate attention, if not intervention.) --> Basically, ATTEND to it (your relationship garden)!

There's an excellent book, entitled, The Fragile Bond, written by Augustus Napier, a pioneer in Marriage and Family Therapy . (I had the honor of attending some of his seminars, at professional conferences, and meeting him ... a very wise man, indeed!) In the book, he discusses his own marriage. It's a good read. There's also another good book, entitled, LOVE IS NEVER ENOUGH, written by Aaron Beck -- THAT title speaks for itself!

Its people and their weaknesses who ruin the opportunity for love not love itself leaving and not God betraying us.
Regarding ^Msg. 20 -- Be truly committed to the relationship and intentionally AVOID temptation (have good boundaries).

I agree with ^Msg. 19 about people taking each other for granted, quite unfortunately, I might add. "Good Lovin Gone Bad" (song by ?) -- so sad! Too often, it seems, people "have it," yet do/say the most awful sabotaging things to the very one who means the most to them. Sometimes, "enough is enough."

OP: Your question about exploring how past loves have have been lost -- think about it and talk about it.

^Msg. 12 ... I agree! When I first saw the supposed favorite topics (as if I need or want a "how to manual" ) -- I thought, "Sheesh!" (Then, again, maybe I could use one. LOL!) I hate to think something similar is on the men's mail list -- Let nature take its course -- no "strategy" needed!



 onerealsweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 188 (view)
 
Why do young men think older women are interested in them?
Posted: 9/8/2007 6:57:32 PM
Without reading all the thread posts (which I normally do, before posting) ... It could be for any number of reasons, which have all probably already been mentioned. Maybe they are simply attracted to you?

It's not just on the internet ... It happens in real life, too! Just yesterday, I was asked out by a very handsome and courageous 17 y.o. young man ("jailbait"), who was serious. He even asked me out in front of his friends - in public! I had given him no sign, whatsoever, that it was okay to hit on me. I was shocked! I've gotten hit on by young guys, a lot, but THAT was a first. He was certainly good looking enough to get a girl his own age, so why he asked me out bewilders me. It was obvious that he wasn't joking, though.

Yep -- told him that I'm old enough to be his mom ... Not interested in anyone young enough to be my kiddo or old enough to be my dad!

... Can't help but wonder what his Dad looks like, though!

 onerealsweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
 
TWENTY-NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
Posted: 7/16/2007 11:11:06 AM

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't ... I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
Very funny post! Thanks for the laughs!
 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Ping-Pong Relationships
Posted: 7/15/2007 6:49:56 AM
You're welcome.

I got the jist that you were joking, posing that last question with a tongue in cheek. It's just that some people may be tempted to jump on the "pathology wagon," as I call it ... start telling you what all THEY think is supposedly "wrong" with you, simply based on so many words on a computer screen, without really knowing you or being qualified to make an "assessment."

My post was based on my own personal experience and observations of others doing the same thing. It is a weird phenomenon! I've wondered the same thing, before. I think that learned behavior is only a part of it. Maybe "karma" is, too ... Heck, if I know.

I think the most important part is that you recognize it and can change and rise above it! Freedom -- from the bondages of your past! Don't let someone else define your personality and behavior for you. (That's all the preaching and pretending to be wise that I'll do for today!)

*Sigh*

 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Ping-Pong Relationships
Posted: 7/15/2007 6:18:23 AM

Is this some kind of karmic reward/punishment?
That seems to be a religious sort of question. Personally, I don't believe the karma reward-punishment theory is always at work. Maybe it's just part of a process of you working through your "issues" towards a greater understanding of your self and others? (i.e., "Why, oh, why, do people do some of the things they do?) I believe what you described is actually quite common. Likewise, it's possible to learn from it all, first, and act intentionally in the future -- not repeat a cycle -- act totally opposite of how someone treated you!

Or am I just noticing the behaviors more once they've been brought to my attention?
Quite possibly.

Or do I just have some version of borderline personality disorder? (<<<don't answer that)
Pffft with labels. Besides, nobody on this site can accurately diagnose you.



 onerealsweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 33 (view)
 
BUSTED
Posted: 7/10/2007 12:47:40 AM

there was no real commitment
Not according to her posts. (Referring to messages 27 and 29)

she says she seen me emailing gurls ...i was like okay come look...see wut i was typing...
Adding insult to injury ... apparently, NO respect and consideration for her feelings, whatsoever, although you appeared to be attempting to do just that.

but no she refused....
Smart girl -- no point in adding salt to her wound.

so wutever...
An immature attitude.

anyways im done...peaceout
Good riddance!

OP: Speaking with a forked tongue? There seem to be some conflicting statements in your posts. At first, I, too, gave you the benefit of the doubt, but then I noticed you contradicted yourself in your posts.

The most logical thing to have done, as has already been stated, would have been to simply change/hide your profile. DUH!

Troll, troll, troll your boat ...
Mightily DOWN the stream ...
Miserly, miserly, miserly, miserly ...
Your "exclusivity" was but a dream.



Hugs and best wishes to lelanica.

 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 30 (view)
 
shopping for someone while in a relationship??
Posted: 6/26/2007 11:08:21 PM
The guy is an internet whore, who is addicted to eye candy and the supposed bigger, better deal. He does NOT deserve you. You are reasonable in your thinking about being exclusive after physical intimacy.

The ridiculous posts and bickering in this thread about you @ss-u-ming anything simply reflects a difference in MORALS, values, standards, basic DECENCY and common courtesy.

I am very sorry to read you had this painful experience. As someone already posted, this is too common of a problem, particularly with internet dating -- only one reason I am ONLY on here for the Forums and some friends.

Know you are not alone. You are better off without him.

Best wishes to you.

 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Kids that sabotage their parents when it comes to dating
Posted: 6/21/2007 3:32:37 AM
Once, I heard someone brag about teaming up with her brother, when they were teenagers, in running off their Dad's fiance, who I knew to be a good, kind-hearted woman. Their Dad and this woman were very much in love. The kids simply didn't like having to go to bed at a decent hour, do typical chores, follow usual rules, etc. (Hence, what I wrote in my previous post.) I will never forget the the sad, depressed, pained look on the woman's face, when she was having to deal with the turmoil and chaos the kids created. (At the time, I didn't know what was going on. I learned about it, later.) It saddened me, as they made a great couple, who, otherwise, had a bright future ahead of them.

I know other people who have had this very same problem.

There is a theory, called "Structuralism," in family therapy circles, which refers to the parental unit as being the most important component of a family "system." (Duh!) One premise is that when kids get too much power (which they definitely will vie for, especially when they are teenagers), the family system becomes imbalanced and dysfunctional -- Common sense stuff, really, but too often ignored.

Kids don't need to meet your casual dates ... I don't think it's fair to bring men in and out of their lives unless there is a real relationship there. That can be really traumatic for a kid.
^webwriter's post -- Yep!

Good thread topic, OP. Thanks for posting it. I hope it all works out for the best with you and yours.

 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Kids that sabotage their parents when it comes to dating
Posted: 6/20/2007 11:15:01 PM
Kids can be quite clever, sneaky and manipulative in attempting to run the show and control (gain power) over their parents' lives. To me, the word boundaries seems to be most applicable, and I know that it cannot be emphasized enough, especially in this kind of situation. Would you let your daughter pick out what clothes you are going to wear or make other decisions for you ?

You're the adult, she's the child...she doesn't get to pick whether or not you have a social life. Soon she's going to start dating herself...
Msg. 3 -- Great post! Succinct, on the mark and so true.

Since your daughter is almost 15, maybe you could joke with her about how YOU will be picking out her dates for her, when she starts dating. Hmmmmph! Maybe even mention, in jest, that you've already picked out her future husband, so she doesn't need to worry about all of those little details.

Regarding the previous post about boarding school -- better yet, casually leave out pamphlets for a boot camp on the coffee table, without even mentioning them being there.

Seriously, this is a very pertinent topic, OP. I'm all for considering the kid's feelings, etc. However, I disagree with those who say that CHILDREN should have a say in who YOU associate with. They are children, afterall, and do not always have the best of judgment. For the posters who say that kids can see things we may not -- maybe so, maybe not ... They may like qualities in someone, which would not necessarily be the best for you to consider in terms of mate selection. For example, they would probably just LOVE it if you had a boyfriend who did nothing but play video games for hours on end each night, but would THAT be best for YOU? I think not.

Kids need to "know their place" and adjust. YOUR happiness is first and foremost. (i.e., "What's good for the goose is good for the gander.") Then, everything else usually falls into place ... maybe not as quickly as you would like for it to, as there is bound to be an "adjustment process" -- duration depends on many variables.

There is a great book by Annie Drake, entitled, "Help! I Have a Teenager!" It's worth more than a peek.

Best wishes!
 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 7 (view)
 
how do I explain what really happened
Posted: 6/5/2007 12:46:55 AM
Dude, whatever happened to writing letters? Surely, you could have afforded a stamp to mail her one, if you could not call. Oh, yeah, everyone is now all caught up in internet-land ... so, hmmm ... an e-mail? (I think a handwritten letter would be more touching and meaningful, though.)

I feel that if I suddenly pop up after not calling for two weeks it will not go well.
Uh ... considering that it seems you basically stood her up -- probably not, at least initially, but you wrote that ya'll have worked through things before. I agree with the other women ... considering your declaration of truly loving her -- I'd get with the program (pronto)! You might want to brace yourself for the fall-out of having waited too long, though.

Is this sometyhing that could be fixed?
Seems like almost anything is possible these days. If ya'll both love each other, then I have a nugget of hope for you. If you really want her back, though, I'd be apologizing, profusely.

or would it seem like I just didn't care enough to try?
Uh, yeah, that's how it seems. (Not to seem harsh, but -- DUH! It sounds like you have taken her for granted, as if she will always be there, waiting and wondering.) How would YOU like to get stood up and not hear from the other person, again, especially by someone you're supposedly in love with! Yuck!

you got into a car accident, and you were in a coma, and when you got out, the first thing you thought was to call her. hahaha
^Msg. 6 by wowsad -- LOL!

By the way, OP, I notice that you do not mention what the "big blow up" was about -- important information which could make ALL the difference in how to best handle and resolve your problem.

Good luck!

 onerealsweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Clarification of the "Professional"
Posted: 5/30/2007 11:19:56 PM
Answering this depends on your definition of "successful" and what one is looking for in a relationship. The term "successful" is subjective and can mean different things to different people. It also depends on the context. One can be successful at work but have poor social skills and a lousy personal life.

Successful as in how much money is made? ... Love can't be bought. There are plenty of supposedly affluent, "successful" people (in their work), who are very lonely and unhappy, have personality disorders that make having a healthy relationship with very difficult to accomplish ("succeed"). For example, not to generalize, but some lawyers, doctors and engineers carry over "perfectionistic" tendencies (an asset at work) to mate selection -- ideals which are not possible to live up to ... because ... DUH ... nobody's "perfect."

Successful as in having accomplished goals and having ambition? ... Self-esteem, confidence (not arrogance), a sense of pride = a turn on.

Successful as in being a workaholic and not having/making time for the one you "love?" ... Ugggh!

I will never forget a message I once received, stating, "A very successful, multi-millionaire is interested in YOU" ... blah, blah, blah, as if THAT was supposed to impress me. It was no b.s., either. He really was "successful" -- in his business. I never gave him a chance because of personality turn-offs, besides I was not physically attracted to him.

As far as the term "professional" goes -- That's another subjective term. Many truck drivers consider themselves as "professionals," even if they haven't completed the 9th grade. Honestly, I think they deserve to be regarded as "professionals," based on what I know about the occupation.

"Professionals" may have certain personality characteristics that may or may not enhance their attractiveness as a mate. What works at work may not work at home and vice versa.

It just depends.



 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Rules of the Barbecue
Posted: 5/28/2007 1:59:39 PM

Here comes the important part: (4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL ... Important again: (7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN ... And most important of all: (10) Everyone PRAISES and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts. (11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off."
That was hilarious! Thanks for the chuckles!

Now, BBQ via room service ... That's an idea!

 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Darned good advice.
Posted: 5/20/2007 12:12:28 AM
* With privileges, come responsibilities.
* What is popular is not always what is right.
* Think about the legacy you pass on, how you want to be remembered.
* Life is not fair. It just is.
* An education is something that can never be taken away from you.
* No matter how daunting the challenge, always do your best.
* The best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.
* Nothing nor anybody is "perfect."
* Forgiveness is something you do for yourself, not the other person.
* Being kind is more important than being right.
* Some thoughts are best left unsaid.
* Silence can speak more than a thousand words.
* Actions speak louder than words.
* In order to succeed, one must know how to fail.

Good thread topic!
 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Insanity therapy
Posted: 5/11/2007 12:43:21 AM
Those were hilarious! Thanks for the laughs.

... Some off the top of MY head:

1. Set up a stand on the beach, with a large sign stating, "Free Seashells!"

2. Wear sunglasses at night in public places.

3. Order 500 hamburgers and only one small order of fries at the fast food drive-thru. Emphasize one small order of fries!

4. Call information and ask the automated operator for the number of "Somebody" in "Anywhere."

5. Ask the store clerk if he/she has change for a $5,000 bill, when making a $20 purchase. Insist it's all you have, and you need the change to pay the taxi driver, who's waiting outside.

6. Walk backwards in a disoriented manner. If asked if you need "help," reply, "I know exactly where I'm going. I've got excellent peripherial vision."

7. Start mowing your lawn at 8:00 at night

8. Have "odd" music play on your voicemail

9. Go to a jewelry store and ask if they sell "real" diamonds, then demand "proof."

10. Have a profile on POF!


 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 55 (view)
 
The marriage talk...
Posted: 5/10/2007 11:22:27 PM

most people like some idea of where and when their life is headed this direction rather than a nebulous, sometime in the future.
^Msg 11 ... Yup!

OP, I really feel for you in this situation.

First, though, I want to thank you for posting this thread. It reminds me to AVOID this situation, altogether. Engagement is best discussed and established BEFORE living together, if marriage is what BOTH people ultimately desire, in my opinion. And, if marriage is not what BOTH truly want and are ready for, then at least one person is bound to end up heartbroken, not to mention possibly homeless. I see the primary issue being one of "commitment" (as it usually is in ANY type of relationship ... *sigh*), besides the communication and fear variables.

Cringing ... His "excuse" about the only thing keeping him from taking the plunge ... Honey, in my opinion, there's always something, if not a dozen of issues, to pick at and use as an excuse. I'm not at all minimizing the importance of his -- The kids and ex ARE valid to consider. BUT, YOU ARE IMPORTANT, too! People either make a committed go of it, or they hesitate/hem-haw for however long they can get away with it. "Being "cautious" is best done in the beginning, DATING phase -- BEFORE getting intimate/living together!

You are already ACTING AS IF you are his wife and kids' stepmom, but legally you are not, which I think totally sucks. There's a saying, "With privileges, come responsibilities." And, there's also the proverbial, "Why buy the cow, when the milk is free?" Your dilemma seems to have initially arisen from putting the cart before the horse. Hmmm! Since, what's done is done ... I, personally, would consider you as "common law" married, but I don't make the laws, as much as I'd love to. (inside joke to self)

^ I like Algy's last post.

I hope it works out for you. You've gotten a lot of good feedback from the above posters to consider. Best wishes.

 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Earliest memory
Posted: 5/6/2007 11:25:02 PM
Wow! This is a refreshing and interesting topic.

I vaguely remember being only one-and-a-half years old, staying at my grandparents house, waiting to hear about when my baby brother would be born, while my Mom was at the hospital. I also remember watching him sleep in his crib, when I was around two. I couldn't wait for him to "grow up" and be old enough to play with. I have more vivid memories of when I was around two-and-a-half, and we had to eat at the "little kid table" in our own kitchen, while I protested about our "rights" to sit at the "big table."

My first words, "I'd like to thank the members of the Academy...."
^msg. 20 ... That was so funny!

I find it interesting that I remember a lot of stuff from way back but sometimes can't remember what I had for lunch the day before!

Nice thread you posted!
 onerealsweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Major New Feature, Woman Only.
Posted: 4/27/2007 7:42:44 PM
Hmmm ... I don't know about "actively" using the site for dating or solely for that purpose ... Does "passively," "considering it" or "only if Mr. Dream Guy" pops up count towards your criteria?

Controversial? As long as it doesn't involve any pain and suffering or any more invasions of MY privacy than there already are!

something old, something new, something bored.....something sounds scary to me
Uh-huh. Yet, my curiosity is piqued! With all of the other recent changes, I was wondering "what next?" The thought of d-a-t-i-n-g from this site is a bit frightening in and of itself! Whatever changes you make, I'll be glad to add my $.02. I would appreciate a better idea of what I'd be getting myself into, first, though!

Mississippi is officially represented?

Oh, what the hey, count me in if you want. You can just consider me as your "Ms. Texas" representative, if you'd like to. I've gotten used to dealing with controversy and enjoy volunteering for worthwhile causes. Plus, I guess I owe you, Mr. Big Fishie, one or a few.

 onerealsweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 7 (view)
 
If you love them let them go, if they come back it was meant to be?
Posted: 4/21/2007 1:24:18 AM
Sweetie, I agree with cody, whose posts gave me a few chuckles.

He said he isn't ready for another serious relationship yet.
When a man says something like this, BELIEVE HIM! His comment about possibly realizing in a couple of weeks that he IS an idiot is just bait to keep you hooked. I would suggest that you NOT put your life on hold for him. There is no telling how long it will take for him to be "ready." Two weeks could end up being a miserable, heartbreaking two years. Playing the waiting game will probably be a futile exercise in wishful thinking, in my opinion.

I just don't think that a man who wants to be with you will break up with you and risk you finding someone else.
^Msg. 4 ... Agreed.

I would not take it personally, either. He really may just simply not be ready.

Good luck to you! You seem to be a real doll.

Oh, yeah, "One person's trash is another's treasure!

 onerealsweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Redneck Bumper Stickers
Posted: 4/20/2007 8:41:26 PM
"If you don't like the way I'm driving, stay off the sidewalk!"

 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Things, I think, I think.
Posted: 4/17/2007 12:13:15 AM

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.


Very funny and thought provoking thread! Thanks for the laughs!
 onerealsweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 179 (view)
 
Forums will become pay per use....
Posted: 4/7/2007 11:15:30 AM

For $39.99 you can suspend any user posting rights from the forums for 7 days. I think there are a lot of users that would pay that just to shut someone else up for a few days.
That was funny, Mr. Big Fishie! This site is populated with supposed know-it-alls.

Since I just mainly peruse the Forums, nowadays, and quit posting as much, I would appreciate my bill being forwarded to the Easter Bunny.



 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Never loved you!
Posted: 3/31/2007 2:21:20 PM
Never loved you? That line sounds like a bunch of b.s., intended only to rationalize and justify looking over yonder in supposed greener pastures.

Is friendship better than nothing?
OP ... In the scenario you described, "With friends like that, who needs enemies?" Being friends with someone, if there is simply just not a romantic match, is one thing. Being friends with someone who is just plain mean is foolish.

they meet someone else and not only dump you, but tell you that they now realise that they never loved you at all. In fact they didn't know what real love was untill they met this new person.
THAT sounds just plain mean. Some thoughts are best kept to one's self.

where do you find the strengh to say No?
When you finally get sick and tired of the emotional pain from this one-way, supposed "friendship."

To be honest, she took about 160 pounds of dead weight off my hands, so I did, in fact, send her flowers. (Ok, so it was my little FU to them both.)
^Msg 11, verygreeneyez ...

 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Serial dating
Posted: 3/24/2007 1:29:23 PM
Serial -- Cereal dating ... is for FRUIT LOOPS! Trix are for KIDS!

Trust your gut feelings. He got caught hitting on one of your friends? Yuck to the max! Know that you are not the only one this has happened to!

I confronted him, he really had no way to talk himself out of it so I ended it.
"The End?" You're giving him another chance? He fed you garbage! Sounds like a serial, heartbreaking drama in the works ... sorry to say.

Create your own profile and maybe you'll get Lucky Charms next time. If you want to avoid another episode ... same chapter-different verse ... same problem-different person, guard your heart and hold out until you KNOW you're the only one (i.e., the whole buffet). The "instant, microwave" phenomenon, associated with online dating can be a date & dump cycle. In my opinion, it's sad, pathetic and leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Good luck and best wishes with this one! He sounds like a piranha, shark, stingray or jellyfish to me. Honey Bunches of Oats would be a much healthier meal.

I feel for you about having discovered that he's a "Player" (a/k/a "Loser"). However, Cheerios that you found out after two months, instead of two years.

 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 85 (view)
 
Parental Sayings....
Posted: 3/19/2007 10:00:32 PM
"Because I said so!" (usually accompanied by squinted eyes and an "I mean business" type tone of voice) Yup ... I've said that one, too.

When my own was almost 4 years old, I discovered a name, drawn in crayon, on one of my favorite paintings, right there at the bottom of the painting. I asked my kiddo, "Who do you think you are?" It took everything in me not to crack up laughing when I heard, "I'm ________ ________ ________" (proudly stating full name -- first, middle and last), as if a candidate for President. Even though the painting was "damaged," I still have it hanging up. That experience is just one of many precious memories that I'll cherish forever.

Parental sayings ... *sigh* ... pearls of wisdom!
 onerealsweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 79 (view)
 
Parental Sayings....
Posted: 3/17/2007 1:16:01 PM
"Don't swallow your gum. It'll stick to your ribs."

"I hope you have 5 kids just like you."

"Money doesn't grow on trees."

"Always wear clean underwear. You never know if you'll get in an accident and end up in the emergency room."

"You think you're royalty or something?" (Actually, I supposedly do have a tiny bit of royal blood in me. LOL!)

"I can't wait until you're 18."

Yep, I've said all but the last one to my own.

I'm just the lady that married your father yup this is for real!
^Msg. 12 ... LOL! THAT was funny!

I constantly heard "There are starving kids in India". I made the mistake once of telling my parents they could send them my food.
^Msg. 55 ... I heard that one, too, and have also reminded my own about that, besides the little ones in Ethiopia.

Great thread, OP! Thanks for the laughs, and Happy St. Patrick's Day!

 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 24 (view)
 
How to tell if you are a backburner babe or a frontburner hottie
Posted: 3/15/2007 4:15:53 AM
Ummm ... What about the slow-cooker/crock pot method? Stuff usually turns out more tender in it!

Interesting analogy, Squirrly. I think most folks on the net are into the microwave, instant gratification, method. Tsk, tsk ... NO clue of what they're missing out on!

 onerealsweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Can a person deeply love someone and have doubts about their love at the same time?
Posted: 2/20/2007 4:36:04 PM
OP ... This is an excellent thread. You've received very good advice on it. I hope you save yourself from further heartache by seriously considering all that has been posted here.

He always searched for perfection. Although he was so very far from perfect himself.
^tmotts post -- Funny - but not really funny - how that happens. It's usually those who are most unhappy with their own selves, ungrateful and non-giving (takers), who do that ... a/k/a users and abusers.

I used to tell him "be careful, because other men think the grass in much greener in your yard" ... I think he realizes now just what he lost. There will always be prettier, smarter, wealthier but something needs to be said about loyalty and appreciation for what you have. He knows what he had, but was so unhappy with himself that he became critical of others.
^tmotts post -- Another excellent point well made. Yea, too bad, so sad that they usually don't "see the light" until AFTER inflicting substantial damage.

People dont change. Unless they want to that is, and even then they still revert back now and then.
^tmotts post -- In general, I agree. People CAN change, but usually do so only when strongly motivated. OP ... I'm not surprised he has called, claiming "temporary insanity" or whatever. (I think I've heard it all.) If/when you finally get TOTALLY sick and tired of being treated like garbage, which you are not, and dump his sorry @ss for good, don't be surprised if he comes back around, again and again and again. To me, the way he has treated you speaks volumes about HIS general character. I'm all for believing in miracles, etc., but I'd venture to say that you can just expect more of the same, if you continue on this roller-coaster, merry-go-round combo.

Regarding the post by an attorney ... something to the effect about being grateful that he was at least "honest" enough to share his thoughts and feelings with you -- Sorry, but I disagree -- NO sympathy here! I think he's playing you BIG TIME. You made yourself too easy of a target, sweetie ... sorry to say.

OP ... You are NOT a puppet, to be played with -- only when HE feels like it. Where is your self-esteem, self-respect and dignity? Take back your own personal power! Instead of "waiting for him to dump" you, run away as fast as you can, and don't look back. I realize it's MUCH easier to preach that than it is to practice it. Plus, it is your relationship, your life ... YOUR decision. Follow your gut feelings. Having said that, something in your gut is telling you this is NOT right, or you would not be feeling troubled, besides starting a thread about it.

You reached out, and you received very thoughtful opinions and advice. You deserve someone who will appreciate YOU and the love you have to give. HE does NOT deserve YOU!

JMHO! Good Luck!

 onerealsweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Can a person deeply love someone and have doubts about their love at the same time?
Posted: 2/19/2007 9:29:22 PM
I agree with what's already been posted here. Luci4, especially, wrote very good advice, as has already been mentioned.

Can a person deeply love someone and have doubts about their love at the same time?
Yes. Sometimes, there's "ambivalence," but it's usually about the circumstances, not the feelings. People may try to rationalize their feelings, even arguing with their own selves about whether or not they "really" love someone. However, after all is said and done ... it usually washes out. I do believe that love and commitment are often a "choice," a decision, so sometimes there may be indecisiveness/waffling, depending on other factors.

Can a person who never felt that strong initial attraction for someone love them deeply and at the same time be pulled in another direction by initial attraction?
Yes. It's called "temptation," "lust," the "grass is greener over yonder" ... take your pick!

I feel after eight months there should be more security and not wondering if he is going to dump me.
I agree.

Should I move on?
I would, if it were me.

Ummmmm ... I'm sorry to say this, but it sounds to me like he's enjoying having his cake and eating it, too, while you are obviously suffering. He knows you're into him and is taking you for granted. As has already been posted, this is NOT healthy for you.

Personally, I'd back away from him, as hard as that might be for you to do. Maybe you gave too much of yourself to him too freely, too easily, too soon, when he wasn't "ready" or had not yet developed the same feelings for you as you had for him? ... Live and learn. It can happen to the best of us.

Re-read luci4's post (msg. 4), again ... They are pearls of wisdom. "Love only those who love you!"

Good luck! This sounds like a heartbreaking and lop-sided relationship.

 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 35 (view)
 
my bf's ex wife still carries his last name......
Posted: 12/29/2006 4:14:08 AM
As far as the name thing goes, I agree with the others about you being all worked up over something which really has nothing to do with you and is also something that he has no control over. He cannot make her change her name! LET IT GO! Some folks have already mentioned about keeping a married name for the kids' sake. Maybe the ex sees that her current situation is not going to last and wants both of her children to have the same last name. Even though the other child is not your boyfriend's, the children are siblings.

Also, as has already been mentioned, some like their previous married name better, have been known by that name for most of their lives, and it IS a ROYAL PAIN to change one's name back and forth with different entities. (Usually, everybody wants their very own original, certified copy of the divorce decree, accompanied by a letter, etc., which can be a tedious and time consuming chore to deal with.)

i get kicked out of his house so she can come over to stay the night when her and her husband gets into it (i know nothing goes on between them but its the point in the matter)."
OP^ ... HUH? That does not make a lick of sense, and THAT -- I WOULD BE VERY CONCERNED, BESIDES FURIOUS, ABOUT!

I agree with Msg. 29, verygreeneyez, excellent post:

Let's all retract our previous posts. This is officially post #1 now, because the real issue is right ^^ here. OP ~ the last name isn't the issue. You are being dogged. Bigtime. My exhusband is my best friend. We've been divorced 7 years. I've been remarried/annuled and he is getting ready to have a new baby with his current gf. Not one time, in all of these years, have we spent the night together. Nor have we EVER disrespected the other to the point of making someone leave the house. You can tell yourself whatever you wish about what happens when they are in the same house all night together ~ personally, I would have been LONG gone. The issue isn't her last name, the issue is: he allows her to be a priority over you. I'm sorry if you don't appreciate, like or understand the opinions you are getting here ~ the reality is....he's not someone you should want to marry. No matter what you think today ~ you deserve better.

The REAL issues, it seems to me, are the lack of respect and poor boundaries, breeding insecurity. I'm surprised as to how you (OP) seem to think it's okay that you leave, while she spends the night! (That way of thinking seems to make my own problems seem miniscule, by the way!) Sheeesh!

Good luck to you. This sounds like a terribly messed up situation to be in, and I do hope the best for you.

 onerealsweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Funny Things To Do In An Elevator
Posted: 12/23/2006 4:34:04 AM

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce
to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
That's just too funny! Thanks for the laugh!

 onerealsweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 66 (view)
 
Whats your town/city famous for?
Posted: 12/23/2006 4:08:16 AM
Houston, Texas, USA, a/k/a "The Bayou City" ... Where shall I begin?

We had the longest traffic jam in U.S. history for the Hurricane Rita evacuation in 2005, which ended up just barely missing the city! The highways were a virtual parking lot, and hundreds of thousands of people literally were stuck in idle cars for anywhere up to 24 hours! This occurred shortly after we took in most of the Hurricane Katrina refugees from New Orleans, Louisiana.

The Houston Astrodome ... Formerly considered as one of the wonders of the world!

NASA astronauts train here.

The Houston Rockets won the NBA Championship some years ago.

A couple of years ago, we hosted the Superbowl and had a super-jam party downtown.

I'd wager to bet that we invented the word, "Ya'll."

There is so much more, but I don't want to brag. We are "Houston Proud!"

 onerealsweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 95 (view)
 
Will you give up the personals if you find one that sticks?
Posted: 12/21/2006 5:57:07 AM
I see it as nearly impossible to have a decent relationship, if one or both parties are still presenting themselves as available to the masses, keeping an open profile up, or cyber-flirting with supposedly other unattached singles in chat rooms or what-not. I know of online dating "success stories," but I consider them as an exception to the rule.

The thing about this site, though, for me, is that these Forums are educational and entertaining, and there are many who are here to simply learn more about human nature, relationships and even the world, in general -- not to necessarily meet someone. Yes, there are other Forums and sites available, but many, including myself, have made some very good friends with "kindred spirits" and already bonded through this site. So, for me, I opt to keep a hidden profile, simply to stay on the Forums and chat with friends.

And, yes, OP -- I agree with you about the "Friends with Benefits" garbage becoming more proliferate. I consider it to be decadent, disgusting, pathetic and immoral. I do think that if one is in an exclusive relationship and is platonically chatting with members of the opposite sex, being open with your partner about it and doing whatever it takes (e.g., introducing/including them in the chat, PERHAPS) would go a long way to demonstrate that nothing on the sly is going on.

It's really sad that this is even a question.
Msg 89 ... TRUE -- but this IS a salient, topical thread, especially considering how online dating sites have enabled predators to exploit, use and abuse others.

I have learned, through experience, that a man who has to be asked to give up his internet dating site, is not a man who is seeking long term ... What I learned from this experience is that if a man needs to be given an ultimatum to leave a dating site, then he is not worth it. Unfortunately this experience was very hurtful. I still believe there are honest people out there, but I will not be intimate with a man until he proves he is worthy! ... As for the ex ... He will never receive true love because he uses women and takes their love, with no remorse ... All the best Girls, I hope you never encounter this terrible person. Good men out there, continue to shine your greatness on us so that women like me can continue to believe!
Msg 22 ... Right on!

^Msg 94 ... Excellent post (as usual, by you, a/k/a "a voice of reason").

There are many other excellent posts made on this thread. To me, it seems that if you WANT a relationship to "stick," common sense dictates that keeping yourself "on the market" is counter-productive and will ensure that it most likely will not. The key factors are the levels of honesty, trust and commitment that have been established. One's depth of character, integrity level and what he/she ultimately desires are equally relevant.

 onerealsweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 183 (view)
 
Is It Cheating If Its Only Online?
Posted: 12/17/2006 5:09:04 PM
^Yep ... Most of the posts on this thread validate my own opinions and feelings about this topic.

What are the "rules" about deleting your profile on here when you meet someone? Should you be doing that so you can focus on them and they know you are interested ... What if they don't take theirs off and are still on line ... profile still active? Being the honest trustworthy person I am ... I thought every one was the same (wake up hello!!!) Would you not do that as soon as you met and there was chemistry? Or am I dreaming! I get the impression that sure you meet some one but they are still shopping around ... for the bigger better deal ...
^Msg 180 ... I think it depends on the type of relationship both people are wanting/looking for, the agreement between the people and how honest they are with one another, not to mention how honest they are with their own selves. I would consider the underlying message that could be perceived by having an "active" profile and both parties' expectations. Just because you meet someone does not mean a solid, exclusive relationship has been established.

As far as this site goes, there are a lot of people who are only on here for the Forums and some platonic friends/pen-pals made along the way, including myself. One can always hide the profile or indicate on it that they are not currently looking to meet anyone else.

Otherwise, I would presume that they ARE looking for a supposed bigger, better deal. It can also be that they are giving a new interest some time to see if it works out before making an exclusive committment.

Either way, it does tend to breed insecurity and bring up a flury of trust issues, which is NOT a good way to start any kind of relationship. It's also a reason that I am leery with the whole online dating concept. While it may be a good to know that there are plenty of fish in the sea, it also tends to foster a mentality of people being easily "disposable," demeaning the whole relationship/courtship process.

Just My Opinion!

 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 6 (view)
 
cheaters the tv show...would you.....
Posted: 12/17/2006 4:01:18 PM
I used to watch that show, but it is so sad and depressing that I rarely do so anymore. The episode where a baby was delivered in the cast's van was probably the saddest and most memorable that I can think of. I did get a kick out of the episode where a guy shoved his girlfriend's car into a lake with his truck.

They do provide a service to people who have no other resources to find out "the truth." I also learned quite a bit about how some people will deny their indiscretions, despite irrefutable evidence. What a much nicer world it would be if there was not a need for that kind of "reality" show. *Sigh*

 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 7 (view)
 
One Divorcee to Another…
Posted: 12/17/2006 3:13:38 PM
^Yep, what she said! (Msg. 2)

Hearing ex stories can be very informative and also a MAJOR turn-off, especially if too much time or attention is spent dwelling on them. Personally, I would like to know about "stuff" in general. The gory details (the purported "facts" and where the person is "at" with them), though, can be quite revealing.

Some are probably still dealing with major life-altering consequences and the aftermath regarding an ex. (I've been on both sides of this scenario.) It could be that they simply trust you, are still processing/dealing with it all, are simply getting their "issues" out on the table in the hopes of avoiding the same kind of problems in the future or can't think of anything else to talk about. (If the latter is the case ... UGGGH! Surely, a person can think of at least one other thing to talk about!)

In terms of first meeting somebody, I think it depends on the depth of your emotional connection. In general, it shows poor boundaries to share so much personal information with someone, who you barely know. On the other hand, if a trusting emotional connection has already been established, the person may be just sharing some of their life experiences to help you understand and get to know them better.

Generally, though, FOCUSING ON THE PRESENT, leaving the ex(es) in the past (where they belong), will make for a MUCH better experience!

If it bothers you, simply stating how you feel about it and saying, "I'd like to talk about something else." might help steer the conversation in another direction.



 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Is Gift Giving an expression of Love ?
Posted: 12/11/2006 4:25:51 PM
The most precious gifts I've ever received were written or drawn by my child in crayon! A handwritten note can mean more than anything bought. Gift giving is one of the "five languages of love."

Merry Christmas!



 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 68 (view)
 
Technology: The death of relationships
Posted: 12/2/2006 12:40:07 AM
YamIhere, I think what you refer to falls along the lines of the "Margin of Utility" theory, which I'm not educated about, but which I've heard of. (I think it's a business/marketing term).

Basically, as I see it, relationships/marriages fall apart for various reasons, depending on the people involved and the circumstances, but one common denominator seems to be about getting one's needs met, and technology seems to be just one variable. Consider also what one's needs are, how "needy" one is and how accommodating one's partner is.

As far as this internet business is concerned, particularly online dating, I have my own term, called the "People Catalog Mentality" theory. (I hereby stake my claim to this theory, by golly, so if it gets referenced in your work, give credit where credit is due! LOL! Consider it as copyrighted!) It's not an original "theory," per se, but it is my term for how the internet promulgates objectification, association and dissociation within an individual and within relationships. Feel free to contact me, if you would like for me to elaborate. (I have my own "work in progress" on this very topic, by the way! It should be in your local bookstore by Spring 2007! TeeHee!)

Is the internet the problem? Or the mate's willingness to spend every waking hour on it the problem?
^Msg. 11 ... A succinctly well made case in point!

Interesting thread, YamIhere ... Also nice to see familiar faces and names posting on your thread!

(A bit off-topic ... I just love these new little icons and a good snowball fight!)



 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 28 (view)
 
I don't want to date a POF addict
Posted: 12/1/2006 1:04:39 AM
Me, neither. I'm in "recovery" (or at least attempting it) and post (relapse) only once in a blue moon, now. I most certainly do not want to date a "dating addict," either, as someone else already mentioned! (Ugggh!)


Some want to have their cake and eat it too.
^Sad but true, Carrie.


Now, several months later you are totally hooked on all the excitement of logging in and potentially meeting dozens of new guys every day and the feeling that the next message you get just might be your dream come true ... you're too distracted by that rush you get, the feeling that you could be one click away from hitting the jackpot. Well, that sucks if you’re a decent, honest guy looking for someone who will give you her full attention long enough to learn something about each other. So, while this “keeping several irons in the fire” approach might indisputably help the chances of all getting dates, I don’t think it creates the ideal conditions for starting a serious relationship.
^OP: I agree with what you're saying, but your statement is GENDER BIASED. (You could replace the word "guys(s)" with "people" to avoid sounding as such.) My experience, as a woman, tells me that men are notorious for this behavior! Most, it seems, have God knows how many baited lines cast out, and even if a "good enough" fishie gets hooked, they leave the others strung along, hoping for a bigger, better deal.


I prefer to concentrate on one person at a time. I'm not built to be going out with several people at the same time
^Msg. 22 ... Yep. Too bad a lot of folks don't take the same approach, putting the same amount of energy into ONE potentially great relationship or a different "hobby." They're playing a game. Sharks with multiple lines get put in a tank all by their lonesome selves!

Now, does all this count as Step 12, "spreading the word," even though I temporarily revisisted step 1? LOL!

 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 24 (view)
 
How many times do you think you've let mr/miss right pass you by?
Posted: 11/23/2006 7:02:51 PM
Heck if I know, but "Mr. Wrong" can go "bye-bye!" "So much for my happy ending!" lalalalalalalalala ...
 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Is It Cheating If Its Only Online?
Posted: 11/22/2006 4:18:54 AM
There are great posts on this thread. Cheating is cheating ... Period. It doesn't matter if it's online or offline.
 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 561 (view)
 
Plentyoffish, Now with Flowers.
Posted: 11/22/2006 3:16:51 AM
I just got an email, stating, "You've Got Flowers!" I am speechless, and my jaw is dropped! I am getting flowers via POF?!? WOW!

Thanks to you-know-who for brightening my dark day!

Kudos to whoever thought of this brilliant idea for the site!
 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 707 (view)
 
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/21/2006 3:51:46 AM
Sigh ... In this online-eye-candy-store-day-and-age, I'm not the least bit surprised that this dialogue continues. True ... There ARE a lot of folks who are strictly on here for the Forums and platonic friends. Then, again, there are those who are secretly looking, even if in a supposedly exclusive relationship, "keeping their options open." It's a matter of being honest versus being dishonest (cheating), having boundaries and trust.

1) He's not being honest with me about his online profiles.
2) Threaten him with ending the relationship, he removes them.
3) Find he's *still* got a few online profiles you didn't know about.
4) Threaten him with ending the relationship, he removes them.
5) He says he has to work late, but comes home smelling of beer and faintly of perfume...
6) Threaten him if he's cheating on you, you'll end the relationship.
7) Eventually he leaves you for another woman, at the very least tired of being manipulated, controlled, and accused...
...8) You rant and rave on POF about how he's a lying SOB and all men are jerks, and absolutely none of it was your fault, because even though you ignored the *multiple* warning signs of dishonesty and had to keep threatening him to get your way, its all his fault for leaving you, especially after all those many months you spent trying to *control and manipulate* him into being what you want!?!?!
Msg. 701 ... Some very good points. It was kind of a harsh post, but SADLY true for the most part. I say "harsh" because finding out that someone you care about is cheating on you is usually a traumatic ordeal, involving a lot of grief, which includes a sense of being stunned and some "bargaining." (Ugggh!) Most people do not want to believe it has happened, and usually when cheaters are confronted, they just get sneakier about it in the future, as illustrated in your points.

It's common sense that if you are in an exclusive relationship, change your profile to reflect that you are not "available," hide it or delete it, if you're not here for the Forums or chat buddies.

If you find out that your "significant" other is still "on the hunt" and you hang around, you're most likely guaranteed more heartache. (Some of us have learned that lesson the painful way.)

 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 59 (view)
 
What is the most romantic thing your significant other could do for you?
Posted: 11/11/2006 4:30:57 PM
OneRealSweety...that was the winner, DING, DING, DING!!!!!!!
^Msg. 45 ... Thank you, Bryantinfl ... "So much for my happy ending."
 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 16 (view)
 
An unexpected gift from POF...
Posted: 11/10/2006 1:25:30 AM
^vnillamousse ... Yep ... Born and raised here and proud of it! I've traveled all over and have seen much prettier sights than what we have here ... BUT ... "You can take the girl out of Texas, but you can't take the Texas out of the girl!"

OT: That's what's so fun about getting to know people from all over the world on this site. We get to connect with others from all parts of the planet and sort'av vicariously "go on vacation" there! (Pondering where I'll go for my next ski trip!)

Oh, God! That song, "We Are the World" just popped into my head! LOL!

 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 14 (view)
 
An unexpected gift from POF...
Posted: 11/10/2006 12:07:58 AM
Ummm ... gardennut, my comrade and fellow sweety ... I believe that it's only ONE of the three musketeers that actually HAS a "relationship" from this site. (Not that I'm really all that informed and kept up to date. Just trying to keep the record straight!)

"Ooops, I did it, again!" ... NOT me, said "I"

"NASA, can you hear me? Houston, we HAD a problem!"

... An inside joke just for YOU! ... Just "basking in the glow" of our wonderful friendship.

 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 7 (view)
 
An unexpected gift from POF...
Posted: 11/8/2006 1:05:49 PM
An unexpected gift, indeed! garden, you truly are a real sweety, and I feel very blessed to know you. My thanks to you for being such a good friend. Knowing you has enriched my life.

There is so much more to this site than looking for "the one." Even though it's primarily regarded as a dating site, I've noticed countless of folks who are on here just for the Forums and, like us, have formed friendships with people from all over the planet.

What a blessing in disguise! It really is a small world, afterall.

Thanks for the smile your thread brought to my face. Great topic!

Peace, love and more blessings back your way!

 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Dating someone who hasn't found themselves yet?
Posted: 11/5/2006 1:44:24 PM
Change happens. Sometimes, people "lose" themselves (or at least a part) when in a relationship. Afterall, being in a relationship does require a certain amount of meshing, compromise and adjusting to the other person's needs and desires.

Casual dating (minor leagues) can help you learn more about yourself. When it comes to being in a bona-fide relationship (major leagues), knowing yourself and the other person well is important. Even if you think you know yourself well, there is bound to be more to learn, if you are "conscious" and as circumstances change. Being with someone who doesn't know what they want in life (has no general sense of direction and focus) is crazy making and akin to gambling.

I am a believer that everyone in this world needs to find out who they are as a person and I think it's very important for each of us and only fair to those partners in serious relationships.
I agree with you, but some people are not capable of doing that, for whatever reason.

Or is it better to just figure it out while in a relationsihp?
We naturally change through relationship, as we experience different things and mature, so some "figuring it out," along the cobblestones of life, is inevitable.

To me, there is a lot of difference between being clear on your goals in life and what to eat for dinner.
 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Living together....... boyfriend or booty call?.............
Posted: 10/25/2006 3:33:13 PM
I see it as a torturous situation. If he can't accept your son, and you are living together with no "title," what is the point? Maybe ya'll are going through an adjustment phase and will work it out. However, after reading your profile, I sense that you are wanting something more solid. I'm guessing that ya'll jumped the gun and moved in together too quickly.

You wrote that you are each what the other has looked for all of your lives. I challenge you to consider that if that were 100% the case, your son would not be an "issue," which I consider as offensive, by the way. (Children are to be celebrated, especially vulnerable three year olds!) I do hope, for your son's sake, that you get this resolved -- pronto, so that he does not end up getting hurt, which is likely to happen if enough time is spent where he gets attached to this guy. You have a choice in your lifestyle. Your son is only three and depends on you to do what is best for him. I do not see what you have described as good for your son. It sounds confusing, most likely leading to trouble.

Best of luck to you! What you have described sounds like an invitation for heartache.
 OneRealSweety
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 37 (view)
 
A question about ex's and photos......
Posted: 10/17/2006 4:04:17 PM
The past is the past, and I would not want to see them. This is a rare case of when I believe that "ignorance is bliss." So, I go for your fourth proposed option. (I would be curious in knowing what the ex looked like, but I could do without seeing all the "details," which you described.) Also, I would hope that he would be considerate and simply put the pics away, out of sight. Leaving them out would tell me that he has not completely let go and put that relationship behind him. It's almost like a slap in the face. It is difficult to explain, but there is something about seeing pics of a sweetheart with an ex that imprints some kind of mental image in my brain and turns me off.

If children were involved (family photos), I can see consideration being shown for them, so it'd be different, but that is not the scenario you portrayed. Even then, I would feel very uncomfortable going into a home that is memorialized with photos of an ex here and there. Uggh!
 
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