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Thread: Don't know what to do, need advice...

Joined: 10/11/2005

Msg: 34 (view)

Don't know what to do, need advice... Posted: 3/2/2008 11:37:50 AM
First of all, SLOW DOWN TURBO!! It's only been a week. Tell her your concerns. Have you met this "roommate?" If not, invite yourself to her/their house, just to pick her up for a date, or something equally casual. Make sure he is home. Introduce yourself (if she doesn't do so first), see how friendly he is. If you sense hostility, you've got your answer. Or, if she is adamantly opposed to you being at her house, that is a huge red flag. She may not be involved with him. But if he is hostile, or jealous, it means he WANTS to be involved with her! Yuck. That would be a very stressful situation to live in. I had a male roommate. We were NOT involved in any way, shape or form, except the fact that we shared a house. It is possible, and for all you folks who say "no way", then you are pinheads. It is possible, in fact I have had TWO male roomies, and I never even considered sleeping with either of them. I also made it abundantly clear to each of them PRIOR to allowing them to move in, that at the first sign of physical advances, they would be out on their keesters. No second chances. So, don't just assume because it's a roommate situation that one, or both parties cannot be trusted. and people, grow up. NONE of us is perfect--what kind of garbage do you have hidden behind your doors?

Joined: 10/11/2005

Msg: 27 (view)

WHY??? Posted: 2/15/2008 11:47:41 AM
Doesn't matter WHY. If he's a liar, he's a liar. period. The fact that you caught him, and he BLAMED you!!! sheesh. That's a pathological liar. Who wants anything to do with that? Men, and women, take heed! If you are not honest with someone you are persuing on this site, it will bite you in the a** eventually. And anyone with any smarts will catch you in the act. Be HONEST. otherwise you're just wasting your time, and ultimately anyone who comes in contact with you.

Joined: 10/11/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

Biggest mistake of my life... Posted: 2/10/2008 8:44:06 PM
Man, this sounds like something from a soap opera!!! Forward this to her, let her know a TOTAL stranger wrote it, from the perspective of an adult who knows that people make mistakes: If you trust this man at all, you should know, in your heart of hearts, that whatever he did, he has paid for. Legally, and morally. You really don't have the right to be angry with him for his mistakes. We all make them. We all have secrets, too. So, he kept this from you. Not because he was attempting to deceive you, but because he is not proud of his actions. How do you tell someone you love, someone you respect, something that may change the way they look at you, or feel about you? It's a HUGE risk!!! Frightening, possibly even terrifying to know that if you knew the truth, that you may never look at them the same way again. Cut the dude some slack. It's not that he wouldn't tell you. He just couldn't figure out HOW to tell you. He didn't want to risk losing you. (and he was kind of right, wasn't he?????!) If everything else in your relationship is great, then you have to learn to let go. Get over it. If you can't, then maybe you're not the person he thought you were. He deserves the chance to be forgiven. And you need to be more forgiving. There ya go. I hope you two can work it out. Take care.

Joined: 10/11/2005

Msg: 34 (view)

Ladies Awnser this one for me.... Posted: 12/18/2007 8:48:56 PM
I TOTALLY agree with bobofirst. She is NOT healthy emotionally, or psychologically. Therefore, she is not healthy for YOU. Sever all further contact with her. Do NOT allow her to come over to your house, especially if there is no one else there. Who knows what is going on in her twisted little mind??? It can only mean trouble, and the longer you take to make your decision, the harder it will be for you to let go again. DO IT NOW. She is a time bomb, waiting to explode.

Joined: 10/11/2005

Msg: 57 (view)

Does Anyone actually Date Here? Posted: 12/16/2007 9:14:43 PM
yup. i sure do. It's just a matter of what you are looking for, how specific your profile is, and taking the time to READ the profiles of the guys you think you are interested in. here's some hints: 1. Find people within 50 miles of your residence, at least to start with. You will be more likely to have an actual "date" with someone within an hour's drive. 2. Be REALISTIC!!!! If you are looking for a model, or a super-hunk, I suggest you try another dating site. The people here are mostly just like you and me. Normal. 3. If you email someone, ASK for a response. I normally say something that struck me about their profile, tell them to read mine, and write back. 8 out of every 10 emails gets answered. 4. Ask them about themselves. If you get little or no response, but they want to know EVERYTHING about you, move on. It will be one-sided FOREVER. 5. after 3 or 4 emails, if you and he are interested in each other on the 'net, either exchange phone #'s or arrange a meet. 6. If they don't sound interested in a meet, wipe the slate, and MOVE ON. 7. Repeat. Keep on keepin on, and eventually, you will hook a fish or two. They may be keepers, or you just might have to throw em back. Who knows?! THAT'S THE FUN PART!!!! HAPPY HOLIDAYS, Y'ALL!

Joined: 10/11/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

How do I know if a guy is truly in love with me or is it infatuation? Posted: 12/16/2007 8:51:44 PM
If a guy starts talking about "forever" before you've spent the night, or even tell him where you live!!! THAT'S infatuation! Seriously, tho... If a guy you like is there to hold your hand when yer pukin yer guts out, that's most likely love. If he doesn't freak out when you start bawlin like a baby, that's probably love. And if a member of your family dies, and he doesn't decide the day of the funeral is a good day to go car hunting, then I can pretty much guarantee....THAT is LOVE. If all you get is shallow gestures, like flowers on your birthday, and all the easy stuff to do, it's probably just infatuation. But if he crawls under your house to save your kitty, or fix your plumbing, (or hires the really expensive professional to do it!) then that's love. good luck to you, I'm sorry you feel that you've never experienced the "real" thing. Even if it doesn't last....There is nothing in this world that compares. keep looking.

Joined: 10/11/2005

Msg: 85 (view)

Could my boyfriend be gay? Posted: 12/14/2007 11:07:13 PM
had a friend who could be this guy's twin!!! He is a really nice guy. BUT! He was molested as a child, and has NEVER dealt with his issues regarding this. He doesn't even like dirty jokes. They make him sick to his stomach. He was married for 20 yrs to a woman he would not even sleep with. They had separate beds. And she took care of him as though he were one of her children, not her husband. He made good money, but they really led separate lives outside the house. He truly loved her, but could not come to grips with all that that entailed. She left him and he went crazy. I mean off the DEEP end. It was not a pretty sight. They did reconcile, but nothing has changed-for her. He seems happy enough. Your situation sounds very similar to this one. I would say, if you are really invested in this guy, either MAKE him get help, or learn to live with him the way he is. Your love cannot save him, or make him a better man. He is who he is, and unless he WANTS to change, it ain't gonna happen. Good luck to you dear, I hope you can find some happiness.

Joined: 10/11/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

emotionally unavailable Posted: 12/8/2007 12:17:59 PM
First of all, I wouldn't say you are emotionally unavailable. You are just not willing to "settle" for the sake of being in a relationship. You are also comfortable enough with yourself to acknowledge that the right one may, or may not come along. Until then, you are putting yourself out there making yourself available to "mr. right." That being said, if you are comfortable letting the man pay, then by all means let him. If it bothers you, at least offer to pay your half. If he declines, then don't push it. My motto is: if I have the money, I will offer to pay. If I don't, then I won't order much. I am not out to get a free meal, I just want to meet someone I wouldn't normally have come in contact with in my day-to-day activities. I'm somewhat like yourself: not emotionally unavailable, but not desperate either. If we click, great. If not, then at least I did something different, and maybe met a new friend. P.S. don't worry about what other people think of you. As long as you are comfortable with your decisions, that is all that counts.

Joined: 10/11/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

is it possible for another chance ? Posted: 12/6/2007 12:37:59 PM
First of all....You already admit you never gave her ANY space to speak of from the very beginning. Too much togetherness is very tiring, emotionally and physically. She had to ASK for space? you should have taken her request seriously. I agree with merry, you showed her NO respect whatsoever. Smothering is NOT love. It is obsessive behaviour, plain and simple. You need outside interests, she needs outside interests, otherwise, what is there to talk about? Learn how to be by yourself, then, learn how to have friendships. Then, maybe, you might learn how to treat a woman. good luck. P.S. you might want to write her a note, tell her you are sorry that you were so disrespectful. If she does not respond, then call it a day. And feel better that you did acknowledge fault in the matter. AND DON'T DO IT AGAIN!!!

Joined: 10/11/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

Do I just attract all the winners? Or am I setting the bar too high? Posted: 11/12/2007 5:53:32 PM
wow. too bad you aren't about 20 years older. bummer. good enough grammar, accurate spelling, and reasonably intelligent content. And you are a cutie!!! Don't give up. I've been doin this off and on for about 4 years. I do have an observation, perhaps off base, but here it is: Girls your age are too immature to think that someone like yourself is not a complete "loser" for being on a dating site. The girls you meet lack self confidence and self esteem. I can only speak for myself, but at your age, there is NO WAY I would ever have joined a dating service. (I really didn't need one, either). So, the "cool" girls are out there, maybe they're just not "fishing". At least not on this site! Perhaps you should try other avenues for meeting girls that would interest you. Or try women a bit older? Maybe in their mid to late 20's? Just a thought. Good luck, hang in there. Women gotta kiss a lot of frogs, don't know why men shouldn't have to as well!!!

Joined: 10/11/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

do women really bluff Posted: 11/12/2007 10:09:21 AM
Boy, you must know how to pick em. I have ALWAYS followed through when I say I will meet someone. I may only meet with them once, but if we make a "date", I show up. I have actually been the one stood up. once. Try taking a bit more time to get to "know" the person before you decide to meet. Chat online, talk on the phone, whatever. But don't just ask for a meeting after one or two contacts. Women are somewhat gun shy, especially with reports of women going missing after being involved with a site like this. And try posting a pic. Women are visual creatures too. We like to see who is interested. Hope this helps.

Joined: 10/11/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

Women: Funny When the Tables are turned!!! Posted: 12/19/2005 1:19:18 PM
If a person-be they male or female- has taken the time to write out a profile and have it posted on a dating website, it stands to reason that person would like to meet someone, unless otherwise indicated. Therefore, if you receive a wink, or an email, it is common courtesy to respond to that email. To just say "hi" and nothing more is ineffective and a waste of time for both parties. Why bother at all if you have nothing to say? How do you expect to find a match if you are not willing to go out on a limb? And.... How much of a limb is it? There's no risk involved at all, until you meet in person!!! Some people really don't know what it is they want, or why they are on these sites. That is why some of the responses are so lame, or totally nonexistent. It's not you! It's them.

Joined: 10/11/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

Cold, lonely nights....and sleeping alone Posted: 11/22/2005 4:57:39 PM
If at first you don't succeed... to hell with the bed!! Try the couch. After a while, you'll be sore, and sick to death of waking up in the middle of the night not knowing where the hell you're at. The bed, empty or not, will start lookin real good!!! Also, try reading yourself to sleep. Remember to take care of yourself, do nice things for your favorite person (YOU)! and it will get better. I've actually gotten to the point now, whoever ends up in my bed is going to have to be pretty dam special. I don't want to share with just anybody. And if he left, he aint even that!

Joined: 10/11/2005

Msg: 363 (view)

Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all? Posted: 11/22/2005 4:27:53 PM
I have met several men who did not post a photo with their profile. It can go either way. A few have been reasonably attractive, and then there were the few who lied through their eyeteeth about their looks!!! (and not in a good way). It doesn't really matter, but take your cues from the response if you ask why they don't have a pic posted. I didn't have one for awhile because I hate to have my photo taken. The only way people could get a picture of me was through "ambush" photography. Not very attractive!! So my daughter finally got a webcam, and we took some pics that way. Not great, but serviceable.

Joined: 10/11/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Should I or Shouldn't I ? Posted: 11/1/2005 3:48:10 PM
Why don't you exchange phone numbers first? Sometimes it's really easy to be attracted to a person's writing. But the real test is talking in real time. The phone gives you another avenue of "connecting" and yet you are still protected to a certain extent. I have been extremely drawn to men through emails. I always give them my phone number before we meet. In some cases, they just don't "measure up" over the phone. The conversation may be stilted, or they just don't seem engaged. Or they expect you to do all the work--like calling them all the time. It's just another screening tool, but it does seem to work! If you still hit it off talking, try two or three more calls, THEN by all means! get together. Good luck!!

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