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Thread: Do They Not Believe That We Know What They Are After?

Joined: 9/9/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Do They Not Believe That We Know What They Are After? Posted: 10/4/2008 2:17:35 AM
That being said, I would be very very creeped out if both a man and his wife were sending me messages here on pof.

Joined: 9/9/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

Do They Not Believe That We Know What They Are After? Posted: 10/4/2008 2:10:43 AM
To be fair a lot of people on here are looking to forge friendships as much as they are looking for partners. but at the same time I would be very suspicious of the motivations of a married man who was seeking friendship from a dating website. If I were suspicious a married man were trying to forge anything more than a friendship here I would question whether he has told his wife he is seeking friendships in this manner. If she has been informed by him and supports the way he's going about it, it's a good sign he has a healthy (though strange) relationship with his wife. If he has not told her, than he needs to question what it is about himself that causes him to with hold that information. People can lie as easily to themselves as they can to other people. He may be in denial over what he's actually doing. I am a bit of an idealist. I believe that your relationship with your spouse should be built on a core of friendship if your seeking companionship outside of this friend, if other friends are bringing something to you that your spouse can not already provide for you, or you feel the need to seek out new, and different friendships you need to recognize what it is that is lacking between you and your spouse and find a way to reintroduce it into your relationship with them. I am not saying your spouse should be your only friend, but your spouse should ideally be someone who can explore those other relationships with you. If you feel the need to expand your social circle, you should enlist your spouses aid in doing so. make the search part of your journey together. I'm sure that person would benefit from a new friendship as well. Can somebody ever have too many friends? That's how it should be, in theory. but then again, communism works, in theory. If he can't tell his wife he's here. He needs to be able to understand for himself precisely why that is. If he can do that, and still remain? well then somebody just needs to kick his ass, but I'll leave that to his wife.

Joined: 9/9/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

She makes alot more than you do Posted: 10/3/2008 11:14:47 PM
If someone I were seeing were making more money than me? I want to say I would be okay with it, but I'm finding I have reluctance to do so. So I'm not as okay with it as I would like to be. In fact, just trying to answer your question makes me take a good look at myself as my first thought was "provider need? Do guys have that?" Apparently I do. I enjoy being chivalrous. I like to hold the door for the girl, or offer you my coat and endure the cold of the night and I like to be the one to pay for the meal. I guess these things tickle a "provider need". In such a relationship, the potential exists that a night on the town may happen more frequently than what is comfortable for my budget, and there would be pressure (self imposed) to try to keep up with her financially so that I could continue with that aspect of being the provider. This would likely be the same for guys who enjoy being the provider, or guys who feel cultural pressure to be the provider. I don't see it as a bad thing for her to make more money than I do. but the I do see how it could shift the dynamic of a relationship to one that I am unaccustomed to and that it would take sometime to acclimate myself to. After all, there are other ways to be a provider, using the base examples above. Regardless of your pay scale there will always be doors that need holding, there will always be cold nights. well okay so I supposed you COULD hire someone to follow you around and open doors for you, and you could afford to purchase the fossil fuels necessary to contribute to global warming enough to end cold nights forever, but now your just being cruel to me. So yeah it would would definitely warrant some discussion on how its affecting me, and I would definitely need some patience and understanding as I learned to adjust, but depending on how such discussions go I can't see it affecting a relationship long term. As far as being a stay at home dad is concerned I've always remained open to it as a possibility. But at the same time I recognize that I would need to find an outlet to contribute above and beyond changing diapers. I would likely want to use the time at home to try to take up writing or graphic design on a more professional level. I do adore children and I suspect if I were to attempt these things while juggling being a stay at home dad the emphasis on my work would be directed towards connecting with my children. Perhaps writing childrens stories? I don't have children and very few of my friends do, so I have no realistic idea of how much work being a stay at home dad actually is. So while I entertain these notions that it would be a great opportunity to be a father and do these things. I suspect the reality of it would likely slap me in the face. After it does, I'm not sure what my backup plan would be. I would probably try to work those ideas into my life somehow though. Maybe as the kids grow older I can teach them to draw and turn my family into an animation sweat shop? who knows. all right kids. who drew on the walls? What do you mean it was daddy?!?

Joined: 9/9/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

When do you introduce a love interest to your friends Posted: 10/3/2008 10:26:48 PM
I would say I introduce women in my life to my friends as she takes interests in my hobbies. Lets face it, the friends I spend the most time with are the friends I share the most interests with. So if she shares those interests she'll find it very easy to make friends with people who also share those interests, and my friends will find it very easy to welcome her into the social group. If I'm finding the girl I'm dating isn't taking any interest in the things I enjoy (thus I don't look forward to introducing her to my friends), it's a sign that the relationship needs to be re-evaluated. But don't panic, it doesn't necessarliy mean someone doesn't make the cut as girlfriend material, perhaps she's exposing me to a world of new interests I'm enjoying. This can be just as good. It does make me sit down and figure out for myself why it's not happening. If I were on the other side of the fence and realized that my latest interest seamed to be avoiding introducing me to her friends. I would likely start to wonder why. sometimes it can be frightening to ask a question that could lead to them rejecting you. But suspecting, but never knowing will introduce stress into your relationship that will likely make matters worse. Better to bite the bullet and talk about it. If you choose to ignore the baby elephant in the room he's only going to grow.

Joined: 9/9/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

my suggestion Posted: 9/15/2008 8:42:34 PM
heh, I stand corrected. :P Thread Closed - Trappedonbayst

Joined: 9/9/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

my suggestion [CLOSED Thread] Posted: 9/15/2008 12:26:51 AM
I'd like to see a public chat room, split down into regional chat rooms. yeah IM between 2 people is nice if you can get it to work. but it'd be nice to see streaming on going conversations as well. it promotes more communications between people which means it becomes easier for people to form a connection. I'm sure there are flaws I haven't thought of.

Joined: 9/9/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

Can love dissapear? Posted: 9/14/2008 1:18:40 PM
A relationship takes work. if you love someone and your just going ot take for granted that you'll always love them and they you, well, your taking advantage of them. in a case like that both parties will start getting lazy and stop doing the little things for eachother that mean the world for eachother. and if someone else comes along, and starts doing these little things, you'll start questioning your relationship. Most people just think the relationship is dead and move on to explore the new one, which is doomed to the same fate. the trick is to analyze the problem, find out why the little things are going undone, talk it over with your partner and make a commitment to try to meet each others needs. this doesn't work for everybody, as some people simply aren't compatable, but many people don't try this approach, or if they do, they try it one sided, trying to change the problems on their end and hoping their partner will take the hint. sometimes you need to sit down with them and say, This is a serious a problem, we need to do something about it. if you can't do that, you'll start looking for love elsewhere.

Joined: 9/9/2008

Msg: 341 (view)

Why don't tall men choose to date tall women? Posted: 9/14/2008 11:35:41 AM
I'm 6'6 and on a purely physical level I am attracted to tall women, and will actively seek reasons to get to know them... but.... it's never that simple. tall women are uncommon, and finding someone who shares your interests, has a personality you enjoy and shares similar goals in life is hard enough as it is. I'd rather focus on the personality I'm looking for then limit myself to finding my physical ideal. personally I have a thing for tall blondes, but I know some 5 foot nothing brunettes who are very attractive. beauty can be found anywhere.

Joined: 9/9/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

rate me too please Posted: 9/13/2008 11:10:27 PM
let me know what's gotta go, because something doesn't seam to be working. perhaps it's the picture or not enough pictures? or something I'm saying that is puttng people off. alternatively I get the sense some of the women get a lot of replies and many of them don't sound like they're worth the time to read, I might just not be standing out enough when I write.

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