The only reason I think certain topics should wait a bit is you never know what the real answer is about things until you know the person a little better. In other words, maybe someone will just say what they *think* you want to hear so they don't "scare you away" too fast, rather than learning what makes you tick, why you have the opinions and viewpoints that you do, and discussing things with a better idea of who you are first and being honest.

Vice versa, they may feel like until they've invested a bit more into you, and they're comfortable that you won't bolt the second they share an opinion that is opposite with your's, they need to keep things slightly neutral.

To me, there are very few things that need to be discussed early on that have vital importance. I don't need to know someone's religious beliefs (outside that they believe in God), political leans, etc when we've only been out on two dates. Things need to come up naturally and not be forced.

Avoid hypocrisy.

If you don't practice it, don't lecture people and say you believe in it.

If you don't want to be abstinent, don't play games or "pretend" it's your goal when it isn't. Just be honest. Terms like "made a mistake", "slipped up", "ended up in bed" are pathetic and lame, they are not excuses and only show that you don't practice what you preach.

So just cut the BS and say what you really mean. "I want women to respect me." You may think women will respect you because you wear a promise ring or can quote some Bible passages when pressed. Women will respect you when you honor your word. Pressuring women for sex and then saying "I slipped" is not honoring the premise of "abstinence". Maybe it's time to admit you can't hold off and it doesn't work for you. At least be HONEST.

Explain what kind of woman you want, and why. Declare what you are willing to do for a woman and why. Discuss what standards you CAN meet instead of repeatedly failing others you know you CAN'T.

Try sending HALF a message. Then maybe you 'll at least get a "WTF are you talking about?"

The long glaze she's giving just means her med's are kicking in!

How do you know she has a texting plan? Maybe you send the text and it doesn't go through. Then she sits and thinks "wow, he must not be interested."

You are her knight in shining armor, she is waiting for you to come crashing in her front door on a 3 legged camel and take her away.

I can't answer this based on a 30 year old male virgin but i can on a supposed 30 year old female virgin. If i met a woman that was a virgin at age 30? I would think she is nuts and have a healthy fear of her. Because for any human male or female to never share that function with their counter part at or by age 30,,something happened or is missing. What i mean by missing is the fact i would think they had been cared for by other adults for not being able to toilet by themselves or eat by themselves or something like that. I am not a paranoid type by nature, but something is seriously messed up you aren't telling us about.

I am assuming here OP, that you are referring to the typical 'sport fu**ing' that so many of the likes of you enjoy participating in these days.

I can see where then everyone you encounter will be judged on looks, weight, and apparently flexibility and endurance. It's all about the act. No reason, no emotion.

Now take a beautiful woman, or a plain woman, give her a man she is in love with and him her, and trust me, the two of them will make beautiful music together, whether they are personally considered 'beautiful' or not.

Two people that take the time to really get to know one another and develop feelings for one another, will almost certainly please one another. But you wouldn't really know anything about that aspect of it now would you?

How did you come to this conclusion?

There are millions of families with kids separated by 15 or more months.

My understanding of a serial dater is someone that takes socializing/meeting new people to an extreme level. They often set up multiple dates on the same day, have high unrealistic expectations and rarely commit to anything because they are always on the look out for something better. I had the misfortune of talking to one early in my pof membership, she spread herself so thin that she had to keep notes on all her dates (50+) just to remember them!

It sounds like this guy is keeping the first meet casual, its an easy way out for both of you if there happens to be no spark or connection and I don't see anything wrong with that.

Remember anything someone on the forums says about "all men/women mean this when the say the word _____" is just someone's (often warped) opinion. Chat just means to chat, nothing more. Sometimes words are just words. Hope it helps!

You want the psychological theory behind it?

People whom are isolated from others slowly lose social skills. The more isolation and the longer period of time, the more they lose said skills. Hence, when someone is friendly with them, they display clingy and abnormal social behavior. This is most likely what you are seeing.

Basically, they are lonely.

You can't take it personally.

If you email them and they don't respond, move on.
If you email them and they do respond, but aren't interested, move on.
If you email them and you chat for a bit, be yourself, enjoy it while it lasts, but if it goes poof! for whatever reason, move on.

On a free site, especially one called Plenty of Fish, there are all types of people: good, bad, and the ugly (in terms of manners and attitude moreso than looks).

It boils down to your perspective and expecations. If you are here with high expectations, you're going to be hurt. If you chill and let things flow naturally, don't take it personally, and let things happen at their own pace, who knows?

I find if I have no expectations I'm rarely disappointed. But like anything in life, you have to work hard to find that gem you're searching for. If you found it easily, you might not appreciate it as much.

Usually...if he's HAPPY in the relationship. Happiness in the form of love just radiates to the exterior world. Happiness attracts lonely souls who want to BE happy.

Ah the one night stand... So many fond memories...

Seriously though I am somewhat distressed by some of the junk I've read through in this thread, which has brought up a few interesting points:

1) Some people seem to believe that a one-night stand is deplorable simply because you don't keep in contact with the person afterwards, which begs the question, do you count people you dated briefly, then only had sex with once and decided they weren't for you a one night stand? You're no longer talking to them after the act, so how is that any better?

2) People seem to think that just because they "know" the person beforehand that immediately bumps their sexual safety factor up a few notches... WRONG. If anything you could be at more risk, because we tend to take more sexual risks with people we know than complete strangers. The times I did have one-night stands I refused to engage in unprotected oral sex (given nor received), and was far more discriminating about ensuring the contraceptives were properly utilized and disposed of, and scrubbed down thoroughly afterwards... Why? Because I don't really know anything about the person.

Now say I've been dating a girl briefly and things get hot & heavy, then we might start fooling around with that kind of unprotected foreplay (who the hell really keeps dental dams handy ), and the only thing I have to go on is her word that she's clean. Ultimately it all boils down to a judgement call as to whether or not I believe her, and what I can observe from her body. I'm still playing Russian roulette despite the fact I know her somewhat.

Now for all you "I only have relationship sex, so I'm safe" people out there... Let's say you've moved in together, or seriously committed to the point you're using the pill, and no longer bother with condoms... Do you think you're truly safe? Yes you believe you've established a basis of trust and respect, but it only takes a quick search on these forums to find out just how many people have had this trust misplaced... All of a sudden you discover you've been going bareback with a cheater... Now you've REALLY been playing Russian Roulette.

Ultimately the point I'm trying to make is that unless you're accompanying your prospective sexual partner to the clinic for their routine STD testing, all you have to go on is their word that they're clean; given the fact that you like them, you're more likely to want to believe them, and that could lead you to letting your guard down. At least with a random bar girl I don't trust her at all, and will take all the proper precautions, damn well near down to a scalding anti-bacterial/alcohol scrub afterwards

Just my two cents, oh and to numerically quantify the original question: About half of my sexual experiences have come from one-nighters, weekenders, and the like. Not by choice really, just happen to continually bump into out-of-town girls that took a shine to me... As of last STD check before Chrtismas, still clean and going strong

I've never had a one night stand; they've never interested me.

Casual sex doesn't do it for me at all. It's too shallow and empty; I need more than that.

"Do you have family in town?" is a generic, getting-to-know-you question, and to answer it with a discourse of your recent bereavements might have been a little depressing and off-putting. It would be to me, anyway. I'm not sure I could easily recover from expecting a little snapshot about your sibs, where you're from & where you all ended up, and getting the story of 2 deaths instead.

I am just looking for some conversation, maybe I will learn some things about how to make a future relationship a fun one. If I met someone right now in a possible dating sense I'd probably just screw it up, and I don't want to do that with a possibly nice person.

I can only assume you posted this to start something, and succeeded. Marriages dissolve for many reasons, and guys are at fault at least as much as women. I am divorced and don't feel that I am 'trash', and despite some anger at my ex, she's not 'trash' either.

If one can find true love in this world, grab it with both hands and don't let go, and if he/she is divorced be grateful because if not you wouldn't have found them.

They say 2 out of 3 americans have some form of mental illness. Look at your two best friends, if they are ok it must be you!

Now you see why most women with kids want men without them or who have abandoned their own children.

The problem with "Nice Guys" is that they are manipulative and emotionally abusive and fail to see it.

I find it hilarious that people smart and responsible enough to wait are being questioned, shouldn't it be the other way around???? Makes you wonder.

I would just make assumptions.

I would assume, that he has been responsible enough, to use birth control with his partners, because he might have realized, that 1. There are already too many people on the planet. 2. He might feel that he would be unable to provide a safe, financially secure environment for his offspring, and he doesn't want to be irresponsible. 3. He didn't find anyone compatable to marry, and was not willing to settle for a relationship out of mere desperation, in order to avoid being single.

I'm sure there are many more assumptions that can be made, just as there can be made for women and men who have been married several times, and have a bunch of kids that they cannot afford to take care of properly.

Got a basement he can bury you in when he's done with you?