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zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

Politicall correct way to end a relationship.... Posted: 4/5/2009 6:31:30 PM
The truth wins always for me. Whether the dunper or the dumpee. At least then there is closure and an opportunity for learning something from the relationship. Just my humble opinion. Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Long distance relationship? Posted: 4/5/2009 6:22:00 PM
Obviously the answer is not a one size fits all one. I recently got out of a long distance relationship that lasted over a year and was wonderful. It was not as long a distance as yours - roughly two hours but it entailed a border crossing between US and Canada. I was unable to relocate - and so was he - given various job, family and economic reasons. Plus one also had to look at an immigration factor. Maybe there were some other reqasons it would n9ot work - even in hindsight I see a couple of small issues - but definitely not deal breakers. Sad to say, we ended it with a lot of sadness 0- and trust me the sparks were huge and we were very much in love -- because the distance issue was too much of an issue - and could not be resolved . I personally will never have a long distance relationship again - but that is my experience. I wish you both the very best and pray a much better outcome for yu. Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 62 (view)

Who's calling your phone? Posted: 3/2/2009 11:42:31 PM
IMO MNost women to not act like this unless something has been done to make them feel insecure. Most people go into a relatioship with a clean slate and only act this way if circumstances dictate it. Why the need to hide your phone>? Why the need to make calls in another room? Sounds much more like a lack of communication - leaving for a drive I can understand - people deal with arguments diferenty - and a cool off period is sometimes needed - That being said - leaving is not meant to be a cop out for being passive/agressive. Can t you just say - I need time to think so I am going for a drive???? Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 43 (view)

I'm wondering if I'm being too demanding, to be honest. Posted: 3/2/2009 11:34:49 PM
I am sorry to continue bursting your bubble OP - but - given the information in your post - he isn t mature enough to date - let alone be committed. And that is without a child in the picture. I do not know how old he is - but my 21 yr old college son is more mature than that!!! And forget any ADHD labels - there is no excuse for anyone to be an adult and living at home and playing Play Station - instead of looking for a job and/or gettring some form of education or job training. It seems he has mioney and time to go drinking with the guys - all that s missing is any sense of decency and commitment. You do no need an adult child - anymore than you need a third chcild unmarried - unless you are sure that you can be everything to that child Sorry to sound hash - but children do not choose to be born - and deserve the emotional and physical support - as much as th financial. Hope you have a good family and friends network. Bottom line you cannot change anyone but yourself. Good luck Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 46 (view)

Putting out all the effort - communication issues Posted: 2/22/2009 9:40:56 PM
Whayever happened to active listening?? There is an old mirroring back technique that is an effective listening and clarification tool. And the only supid question is the on not asked. That being said I have come across people that communicate quite well - and then shut down. Now that is a whole other ballgame!! Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 137 (view)

Is divorce like mourning a death? Posted: 2/16/2009 8:25:22 PM
They are both great losses - and in the loss of divorce the person you loved for so long chose to leave - which is a bitter pill to swallow. Add in children and it is a double whammy. That is not to detract from death as a loss - but in death there is an ability to romanticize the good times and forget the tough times. In divorce IMHO - the dream of growing old together and having grandchildren etc etc dies harder than the reality that the relationship is over. In long term marriages - one feels that they did all the sacrificing of youth, jobs, raising children and then should reap their golden years - and poof - they are gone. All that emotional investment seems for naught - and the woman feels cheated from the golden pot at the end of the rainbow. I do not know your precise situation - but different people grieve for different lengths of time and in different ways. It is neither right or wrong - it just is. There is a study that was dione that for every three years of a relationship - it takes 1 to grieve. Do the math. Do not be too hard on yourself - you are where you need to be - today. Tomorrow is a diffrent day. Good luck Zee

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 94 (view)

At what point............. Posted: 2/10/2009 8:00:33 PM
CarolAnn // I have agonized over responding to this post because of how to reply exactly. I remember sharing on here abut dating a man long distance fotr over a year. It fell apart because I could not moive to Canada because of kids, job and owning a house/the economy. I loved him very much and despite the distance - we saw each other eveery week for two to three days at a time. Your response to me was - he got sick of waiting for you to move and so..... My point is this -- sometimes love is not enough. I still miss him - however just because my son is in college, and my two daughters are older and one is getting married in May - I am a mother - and I could not just abandon my family to miove to another country. I did exactly that in my 20s and came to the US and have spent 20 yrs here - I wouldn t change my children for anything - but I would change having parents and siblings on another continent!! 24 hours of travel and support system is very hard. I have learned that sometimes love is not enough - sad though it is - sometimes it is just not meant to be. We can all feel for you and share our experience - but only you know in your heart what yo are willing to do and compromise to continue this. I believe in a lot of ways you have answered your own question on both threads. We all have the little voice telling us what to do - but in the heat of love - we so want to change the reality. Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

This is Serious Posted: 2/10/2009 7:33:13 PM
Yes I have found that out. I have also received glowing emails from someone who is so iterested that they ae sending roses t other. Hmmm.. I think they call it keeping your options open. To be honest I think I am just too old for the whole darned game Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 73 (view)

ruining a relationship Posted: 2/6/2009 11:23:22 PM
Thanks fo asking the question Elizabeth - I also have no idea what that means - I presume it is a negative euphemism - but hey - I look forward to broadening my colloquaillisms!! Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

How do you stay motivated to keep up the search? Posted: 2/6/2009 11:09:43 PM
Good question - having spent most of my life married - I tried this a year and a half ago and met womeone who I dated for a year - it ended due to long distance and a border crossing. The few months I have been bak on have not yielded such great results - a couple of dates - but no spoqrk. That;s fine - one can always use extra friends - but I guess - for me - it will happen when it's meant to - and I am ok with that. I have to say the whole dating issue has me confused - it was much easier in my youth - I absolutely dislike the actual dating process - but then I don t ride bikes anymore either!!! Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Batting Average Posted: 2/6/2009 4:22:32 PM
My first time around I talked to some nice guys - all gentlemen - and ended up dating one for a year. It didn t work out mostly due to long distance This time around I have made a couple of really nice penpals - given distance - and apart from the odd off the wall email - or silly IM - have really talked to some nice guys. I have met a couple - and it just didn t "spark" or whatever you want to call it. I find it harder to meet guys near me - and I won t do the long distance again Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 49 (view)

Need professional help!!! Posted: 2/5/2009 12:43:40 AM
Meet him - online is not reality and can creat a false sense if contued over time, Yes I was apprehensice when I met my first date from POF and was concerned that illusive :spark" would not be there. WEe had emailed and IMd fro two months - spent hours on the phone and seemed very compatable. Our first daye last 24 hours and we dated for a year, dISTANCE WAD AN ISSUE FOR US AS HE LIVED IN cANADA AND i AN IN oHIO - BUT WE MANAGD IT FOR A YEAR - sry caplock - and I guess that was the season of time for us - no real regrets - it was the distance that killed it. But you do have to meet to figure that out. I cannot complain _ I had a loving compatable realtionship with great sex or a year - sigh - back to the drawing board ZX

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 42 (view)

After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask? Posted: 2/5/2009 12:31:24 AM
A few innocuous questions of give and take are bound to happen - and it usually breaks the ice to discuss their opinion on POF - can sometimes be good for a lauch, In the silences I jot notes on a pad of paper or bapkin - the other person is so intrigued - they invariably ask what I am doing - I usually say I hate to waste time and am either writing down new open ended questions - giving him marks for his answers - or mu shoppinl list should things keep going well. Each of these respoonses have broken the ice and given fodder for some light hearted joking or toungue in cheek conversation Just my tip Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 83 (view)

Knowing when to shut up… Posted: 1/22/2009 8:56:55 PM
There is a certain point in aguments - when it becomes less about conent and more about a power struggle. At that point the Time Out signal becoes very efective. If rehashig old ground keeps occurring - then a "let's agree to disagree" seems like an appropriate compromise. Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Why do I always anticipate them to walk.. Posted: 1/15/2009 9:48:23 PM
It is natural to be a little pessemisti after being hurt - but I know the negative self talk can become prophecy. I also get very irritated when anyone says they will call and doesn t - I don t mean immediately - but a phone call can take two minutes for goodness sake - and is a matter of courtesy. To keep the negative thoughts away I visualize a stop sign when they come up - sounds sophmoric - but it works. Also after a negative thought try two positie thoughts - I have used this method with teens - fort every ut down you have to come up with put ups - I cannot imagine why it would not work in a self way - cancelling out the negative with the positive. Good luck - and half the battle is realizing their is an issue Zee

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

Can anyone help? Posted: 1/15/2009 9:43:24 PM
Chris I have a son older than you - and I can tell you that giros are very fickle at that age and when boys fall - they fall hard. You ae so young and have so much ahead of you = and I know you don t want to hear that - but for your own sake and self esteem - find someone else -- It is not the challenge that will work - if she just wants to be friends and use you as a sfety net - this will not chage - especially at your young age. For your own sake - move on - you will only contoue to hurt and feel "shitty" Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 29 (view)

Light bulb moments and how to say them without causing a war Posted: 1/14/2009 8:38:44 PM
GSB -when I read your post and what you missed the word that came immediately to mind was - cherished - and that is a very unique and special feeling that is very hard to find. Almost spiritual and soul touching. Fo me - it was the kiss on the forehead as he stroked my hair - for no apparent reason. -- it was the way he held my face in his hand and looked into my soul -- the way he had to touch me whenever I was near - and the way his hand always was at the small of my back when we walked. --the way we would both kiss two fingers and placed them together as a bond Some people are just more tactile than others - and as a touchy feely person myself - I do a lot better in a relationship with someone who is more like me - i recenetly went on a few dates with someone who thought high fiving was cool -- ok I understand that - but it just doesn t do it for me. Guys women will melt if you are gentle and tender and mean what you do -- it is tantamont to foreplay and will get you all the good loving you could ever want - because when we feel cherished - boy do we want to give. Zee

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 218 (view)

What is your biggest obstacle to committing to a relationship? Posted: 1/10/2009 10:41:20 PM
When there are obstacles to a relationship - chances are - it is just notmeant to be. Too often we rail against the obstacles as challenges - and attempt to justify them or ignore them - hoping they'll go away. If it is meant to be - it will - no matter what - it will just flow. Just my opinion Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 319 (view)

Dating artistic/creative people and relationships Posted: 1/5/2009 11:07:54 PM
I am artistic- a writer and dancer - and for some karmic reason - often end up with musicians - I don't seek them out or vice versa - we just seem to find each other. I was married to a non-creative man for 15 years - and that worked quite well also - for a long time he balanced me - but once children were grown and I spent more time creatively - he didn t like it. Like others that have posted, I need passion - and anyone with creativity also inspires me to be more creative. Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Advice on a not-so-average scenario requested. Posted: 1/5/2009 10:52:07 PM
Been there, done that -- and it is unbearably hard. Spent a year in a long distance relationship between Canada and the US - so had a bordedr to cross also. We managed to see each othe every week - and it was wonderful - however he had difficulty moving here becayse of work and seniority (in todays economics) and I have children and a house to sell and job and supoport system. Plus there were the immigration issues on both sides - whichever way we went. We broke up - and then missed each other - then realized it is sad to say - but it is not meant to be. Yes we loved each other, but there were just too many obstacles in the way ( easy for people to say if you love each other - move and be together - harder in reality - with responsibilities and family and jobs). Sometimes love just isn t enough - and I will never do a long distance relationship again - it was way too painful and we both ended up hurt. Good luck Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 101 (view)

Is it considered cheating if you secretly talk to an ex girlfriend frequently on the phone ? Posted: 1/1/2009 7:52:11 PM
Have to agree with the other posters - the key to your post was "secretly" - if it as open and above board as you say - then why is it a secret! Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Significance of the past Posted: 1/1/2009 7:49:03 PM
If the person lkikes/loves you for who you are today - then you are that person because of your past - we are the sum of our experiences good - bad - and wild! Unless you are in elementary school - you have a past - and there is not one of us who has not made a bade decision, suceeded and failed - and hopefully learned from them/ I like to say that I made a decision in the past - based on the information I had at the time - once I had more information - I could see the decision was not a good one -- hindsight is always 20/20. Good luck Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 86 (view)

Is Ignorance Bliss? Posted: 1/1/2009 7:43:50 PM
Ignorance is not bliss - bliss is a state of mind - where one does not attempt to define the bliss and doesn t even wonder what anyone else thinks of that state. Bliss is being in the moment for today - ansd enjoying it for what it is and knowing that is where your meant to be. I will let you know when I get there!!!! Zee

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

True love.... Posted: 12/29/2008 11:24:39 AM
Angel I empathize with your issue =- been there, done that. I could not move either - and it was in part my children, my home which I didn t want to sell, my support system whcih took me a long time to build - and the fear of ever putting all my eggs in one basket. The distance was the only thing between us - but I was also talking changin countries, It is very hard - but sometimes love is not enough - in fairness tome I am older - but you also have younger children, As a parent we are always trying to do the best thing by our family. Good luck Zee

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Have you ever known anyone admit that a break up was their fault? Posted: 12/25/2008 10:28:50 PM
I am fine with admitting my part in a relationship failure - and will take full ownership of my part in things. However - I disagree on the blame being 50/50 always. What about one person cheating on the other - to me the blame is more on the person that cheated - because if there is a reason for the straying - isn t it more adult to discuss the issue at hand than just cheat.?? Zee

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 94 (view)

BPD - What would you do? Posted: 12/25/2008 10:16:00 PM
As a rule I hate generalizations amd labelling and never thought I would find myself in the position I am now. I dated a guy with all the above symptoms - plus a couple more. He fell in loe fast - introduced me to everyone as his future wife - was attentive, loving, really and truly swept me off my feet. Told me he coiuld love me like Ihad never been loved before - and he was right. Our sex life was beyond amazing - I thought I had struck the relationship lottery. But past issues resurfaced. The man had never kept ANY ltr in his life - be it parents. siblings. three failed marriages, friends, coworkers. In the beginning they all thought he was wodnerful - then as time progressed - he turned. Of course - in his world, they were jealous, unprofessional, ****es, didn t love him, abusive or whatever the list was. He did not even have contact with his children. When he first "strayed" I broke it off - suddenly I was the worst woman in the world and it was my fault for not moving in with him etc etc The list goes on - but I can tell you I have never felt on such a roller coaster in my life - and absolutely questioned my own sanity and memory at times. Even dates of appointments changed from one week to the next - and I have a great memory - but no - I never remembered anything right - etc etc. My biggest mistake was giving him a second chance - to reek havoc again. For those that believe they could handle it - kudos to you - you are a better person than I - and I raised 7 children - some adopted and abused - but never have I dealt with the kind of mind mess that this type of relationship entails. Should you meet him briefly - he would charm the pants off you - but oh the price of that comes high. Two points I would add - Paul and Lil Booker " - Nothing is ever their fault - if only someoine else had not (add whatever you want here) then this would not be happening. The world is against them and they are just trying to be real. = They have a tendency to self aggrandize - their position in life, their status, their job - is always more - and they can have one conversation with someone - and this is a shinging new contact that willl take them to great heights!! Just my experience == Zee

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

What do women mean when they say Lets Take it Slow? Posted: 12/22/2008 12:35:21 AM
Chris - I could share the infor with you - but the scenario was entirely different - after some serious miscommunication after a year relationship (which was long distance but we saw each other at least two days a week) I ultimately ended it and di not contact him for a month - He then contacted me and apologized - and here is is three weeks later - and I still have not made the decision to go back with him. However it was different circumstances, we are older, and I am English not Asian. In the Asian culture it is a very big deal to meet the family - and she lost face on that, plus you lost some man points for not going to see her family. I would suggest a letter of apology and request face to face conversation as so much can be miscontrued by emails and texts. Good luck -Z:modhammer:

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

What do women mean when they say Lets Take it Slow? Posted: 12/21/2008 9:52:27 PM
Hard to say exactly what was on her mind - but I imagine she was very hurt and angry at you leaving for Texas without a call. Especially as she had put her vulnerability on the line re moving in. My take, as a woman, is that she means take it slow in that it will be a while before she trusts herself to be vulnerable and let you in too close. She probably has her guard up - and is giving you a taste of your own medicine. And - that is much harder for women to do than men!! Just my opinion - good luck and if you really care - prove yourself to her Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

Body Issues? Posted: 12/18/2008 11:40:04 PM
OP there are very few women over 40 that don t have some body issue - whether it is the less than firm abs, the boobs that either want to go sourth or under their armpits when they lay down - or the less than firm derriere, arms not as firm etc etc. It sucks to grow old - but it happens. It is my experience that after 50 - your body rebels and weight gain - no matter what your frame - happens around the middle. I am 50 and will never have the body I had in my 20s - not bad for my age - but not tight and toned like it was. Relax - let it go - after all - most of the men our age are dealing with receding hairlines, male pattern baldness, and extra padding in the mid-section - do we get upset about that. Women are so much more critical of themselves than men will be - and if the man is only into a flaw that was earned by life, then find one that isnt!! Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 161 (view)

How important is it for your partner to be physically fit or in shape Posted: 12/17/2008 11:56:50 PM
When I fist started reading this thread I notied all the posters that commented in the first couple of pages - bar maybe two - had no photos - so it left me pondering - if they think they are so fine and fit - why don t they post their photos!! I have dated guys with different body types - and whilst not in bad shape for my age - it is certainly not the body I hhad in my 20s - and I have to say I don t have the stamina I had in my 20s - that being said - passion and enthusiasm has a lot going for it - through in intelligence and character - and I will pass on the fit looking guy!!! Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 38 (view)

The Pet Name Syndrome Posted: 12/16/2008 8:46:34 PM
Wjem I saw the post title - I thought it was referring to per names for private parts - so I will just get my mind out of the gutter!!! Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 112 (view)

Is this normal? Posted: 12/16/2008 8:39:33 PM
Apart from the apparent "morals" issue that I belueve most people would have with it -- can we say distracting - on the basest level of intimacy only. Geez I shut my dogs out for goodness sake. I was even embarrassed when my 20 yr old son came home and we were in robes after a bath - not doing anything - and he grinned and asked if we hav a "ggod": evening" and good job he didn t come home earlier -- Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Friendship Posted: 12/16/2008 4:33:20 PM
I agree with the friendship aspect - I have met a couple of guys on here that could become good friends. I enjoy their intelligene and insight and the exchanged dialogue. I find it helpful to have the male perspective aired - not that one can totally generalize - it helps me see things differently. There is one person I have talked to for over a year - and we lift each other up and congratukate when things are going well - we critiaue each others's poetry - he has become an awsome ftriend - Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 41 (view)

Go back to the Ex? Posted: 12/14/2008 1:53:39 PM
Once again - thank you for the input - when I originally posted ut was ina relatively euphoric state of hearing validation that I had not lived a year of lies. Were there issues - yes - however I had been at the point in myhealking of second guessing my own judgment and fallibility. I am not sure how I am going to procede - I know what my heary feels - and feel validated that he did mean what he feels. BUT I am not making a rash decision - and I do not believe I am a doormat. If I was as victimized as some believe - I would have moved there without a backward glance - I have done my research - I do know what it takes move countries - and ithas been discussed with my children in the past. I have one daughter out of town - one son out of town in college - who does not plan on returning, The eldest is in town but does not intend to stay in the area because of her degrees. I grew up living in other countries - both my mother and my sister are in England and Turkey respectively - so I believe that makes a difference - culturally, Parry - I understand that Windsor is not a french speaking town - however they do have positions that require bi=lingual abilities. The move has never been one I take lightly - and my time line would be even more fluid given that whilst I am in love - it would take time tobuild back some lost trust and belief. So thanks again - but I certainly do not htink I am asking to be used as a doormat!! And I am certainly worth way more than $20 - no matter what exchange rate you use! Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

Should we open our marriage? Posted: 12/14/2008 12:44:10 AM
Beyond my comprehension personally - seems like an oxymoron to me - open and marriage or open and committed - just do not go together in my book. Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

pandora's box opened.... Posted: 12/14/2008 12:41:17 AM
Rgis is all way over my head and heart. I tru to believe in - to each his own - but have to say I cannot begin to understand and relate to you emmm story. I don't share well - and cannot understand people that do share intimacy - so emm .... good luck Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 29 (view)

Go back to the Ex? Posted: 12/13/2008 3:28:34 PM
I really appreciate all the input - no matter how harsh - Maybe I need to clear up a couple of facts - we dated for a year - saw each other every weekend but one - spent all vacations together - both here in Ohio and in Windosr, Yes it is a different country - the time travel is 1/5 hrs one way - except for the border sometimes. He has met my kids - I have met his coworkers, friends etc - and his Mom - wh has Alzheimers - this was not an online - maybe Iknow him. As far as just going off a 3 am phone call - he works evenings - so it was not unusual in the past for phone calls at that time of night -- although we had not spoken since Halloween - when it was not pleasant, I did not handle things well - I was mean - he did not handle things - he retreated to the man cave. In asnwer to the other question - it did not get easier with each day - I tried - I went on a date - nice guy - nothing else - I busied myself with friends etc - but all the joy had gone out of it - I was doing things on auto pilot. Just because he called does not mean I am moving to Canada next week - he admits that he was wrong and scared and suddenly thought - OMG she'll never come here. He would move but has longevity and seniority in his career - which is important in todays economy - I speak fluent frwench so could probaby get a job. I just needed time to be sure of making the decision - with no regrets - but with backup plans in place. I was never unsure of my feelings - just keeping my head in the game also. Hope this clarifies some of the questions and thanks again all Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Go back to the Ex? Posted: 12/13/2008 4:36:26 AM
Yes original issues have been resolved- he wanted me to move up there asap - with owning a home and the housing market - it would be hard to sell my house - my daughter gets married next May and her finace and her would like to rent my house - part of the problem solved. So I wanted to wait until then - his fear - though unspoken - was that it would be another siix months after that and could he keep waiting. He now sees the logic in why it is hard for me to juist uproot immediately - and he realizes he knee jerked about my moving and is willing to wait. Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Go back to the Ex? Posted: 12/13/2008 3:30:52 AM
Some of you may remember me breaking up with a Canadian guy a couple of months ago - because I was not ready to move up there - and some other issues - I was devastated and have been strugglng to put this behind me, it had been a year relationship. Out of the blue at 3 am this morning he called me to apologize pofusely about how crazy we had been to break up - and that there wasn t a day he didn t miss me and love me and that he needed me in his life, He said he would start again as friends and we could go at any pace of my choosing. He will wait the longer time for me to decide to move. The bottom line is I love the man - the good and the not so good - and I have been finding it impossible to envisage my life without him in it. Is this just pipe dreaming on my part - shouldn't one give love a second chance??? Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

breaking up without a reason... Posted: 12/12/2008 10:49:48 PM
Well it sounds like it was a reason. Try getting the line - our love is too perfect so it can't last. Now that one was a downer!!!! Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 95 (view)

Best friend sleeps with ex after relationship ended.. Posted: 12/12/2008 10:33:15 PM
Justified There is an unwritten rule of friendship - you never go near any friend's ex - ever. It would not even occur to me to do so - or occur to my girlfriends either. I thinkm as the younger crowd put it, chicks before****. A good girlfriend lasts many years after the guy has come and gone. IMO Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 173 (view)

Does size matter ? Posted: 12/11/2008 10:54:07 PM
It is the love behind the ring that counts - not the ring itself. My first husband bought the uncut diamond from Antwerp 1.5 carats - we went and chose the setting and watched them set it. Beautiful ring - till I had to sell it because he couldn t manage money and if we wanted a Christmas for the children - that s what I had to do. Second husband bought me a much smaller ring -very pretty - and I got to keep that one - it meant as much to me. If I ever go a thrid time round - give me a cubic zironia - who cares - I care more about the love and the follow through than I would ever care about a piece of jewellry!! For example - my son madee me a beaded bracelet in grade school - I caught it on the door and it broke - I sat crying as I am picking up the beads to have them restrung - they were plastic - but the love of a six yr old boy making it for his Mom - made it priceless. I still have it!!! Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 49 (view)

Guy Refuses to talk on cell while driving & also at work Posted: 12/11/2008 10:11:50 PM
I very occasionally answer my cell phone when driving - if it is one of my kids - but I keep it very short and call back when not driving. If I need to make a call I pull over and park - so there are quite a few people anti cell phone use whilst driving - obviously your boyfriend is one of the,. You are not - difference. As far as being part owner - maybe he feels the need to set an example to his workforce on not having personal calls at work. I dated a guy who worked nights and he would not call during work hours - because he shouldn t - not because he couldn t. Makes sense. Now an emergency - that is a different thing Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

True Love Does It Exist? Posted: 12/11/2008 6:52:22 PM
Oh the old trust issue...... hard to define the line between trusting one's personal judgment and trusting the other person. Some trust is in giving one's heart to someone and trusting they won't break it - vulnerable and quite a big leap of faith. That is the heart to heart trust. Then there is judgment trust - for example do not trust me to fix anything that requires a tool - whilst I am game to try - i usually end up harming myself. But put me in a kitchen and I can whip up a great meal with whatever you have in your cupboard. True love is loving the imperfect person -- perfectly - not having blinders on - but loving the person for all their humanities - strenghts and weaknesses. Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 32 (view)

Breaking up, ending it gracefully Posted: 12/11/2008 6:43:48 PM
Been on the giving and receiving end - and I have to say - honesty and face to face is the only way to go. Not easy as it takes courage to face to face - but I agree with the poster that said it is the last chance to have closure. It is always painful and the hurt will be there - but at least the person left is doing the mind racing of did they ever love me - what went wrong - and all those endless questions that resound. Unfortunately - with deep hurt - one doesn t always handle a situation with grace - but as much grace - or face - as they can/ Of course this is mostly for long term relationships. If it is a couple of casual dates - it isn t really a break up - more of a "we are not on the same page" thing. Just MO Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

How to accept that she is into me? Posted: 12/11/2008 4:39:33 PM
The future is not the sum of your past - and you are sabotaging yourself by waiting for the proverbial other she to drop. Most of us have been there and done that - I have to ask - do you believe that you are loveable and a good person ? If so, then go for it. Try thinking that today is the first day of the rest of your life! Everytime you get a negative doubt - visualize a stop sign - sounds sophmoric but it works!! Good luck Z Now I shall retreat to the couch and try and practice what I preach - lol

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

I'm Scared to Start a New Relationship!! Posted: 12/11/2008 12:32:49 AM
Op - understandable to be nervous about being hurt and starting a new relationship - there is probably not a single person on this site that has not been through that at some time or other - and with very LTR and children to boot. You are young - you have your whole life ahead of you - so stick around positive people and be positive to yourself. Negative talk - even self talk - is not good. Words hurt - and can stay with us for a long time - but only if we let them. Sounds like you are much better off without him, lass. Don't let a hurt/fear from the past affect the endless possibilities of your future - that would be giving him too much rent free space in your head! Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Would you be better off marrying for the second time? Posted: 12/11/2008 12:23:27 AM
Grizzly - what the heck does that have to do with the subject of marrying a second time - how des someone elses choice affect you - it s a personal choice. Having been married twice - and on ok terms with first and good terms with second - I am not sure I would go the marriage route again. I thought I was a great wife - and my second husband would agree - Seeing as they both lasted13 and 15 years respectively - I figure I may only be good for that klength a time before I croak - so...... Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 48 (view)

Break ups Posted: 12/11/2008 12:15:53 AM
I have never understood the game playin of - call don t call - wait three days - pretend you don t care - ignore the phone - let it ring four times - or whatever the darned "game" is. Why aren't people mature - call when they say - or say they are not interested and just be up front. Aren't we all adults for goodness sake! Z

zrythm8

Joined: 9/21/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

i hurt a friend Posted: 12/10/2008 9:54:53 PM
POV - I am sorry you got hurt - by both - and sorry this is public for you - I am sending positive thoughts your way Z

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